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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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♪♪

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[announcer] Make some noise
for Snoop Dogg!

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[crowd cheering]

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How you doing, California?

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Everybody on your feet,
make some motherfuckin' noise!

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<i>♪ One, two, three</i>
<i>and to the four ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Snoop Doggy Dogg and Dr. Dre</i>
<i>is at the door ♪</i>

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00:00:51,676 --> 00:00:53,928
<i>♪ Ready to make an entrance</i>
<i>So back on up ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Gimme the microphone first,</i>
<i>So I can bust like a bubble ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Compton and Long Beach</i>
<i>together ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Now you know you in trouble ♪</i>

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<i>-♪ 'Cause ain't nothin' but a G thang</i>
<i>-</i>[audience] <i>Baby ♪</i>

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<i>-♪ Two loc'ed out niggas so we're</i>
<i>-</i>[audience] <i>Crazy ♪</i>

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<i>-♪ And Death Row is the label that</i>
<i>-</i>[audience] <i>Pays me ♪</i>

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<i>♪ We unfadeable, so please</i>
<i>Don't try to </i>f<i>ade this ♪</i>

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<i>♪ But, uh, back to the lecture at hand ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Perfection is perfected</i>
<i>So I'ma let 'em understand ♪</i>

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<i>♪ From a young G's perspective ♪</i>

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<i>♪ And before me dig out a bitch</i>
<i>I have to find a contraceptive ♪</i>

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<i>♪ You never know, she could be earnin'</i>
<i>Her man and learnin' her man ♪</i>

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<i>♪ And at the same time</i>
<i>Burnin' her man ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Now you know I ain't with that shit</i>
<i>Lieutenant ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Ain't no pussy good enough to get burnt</i>
<i>While I'm up in it ♪</i>

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<i>♪ And that's realer than</i>
<i>Real-Deal Holyfield ♪</i>

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<i>♪ And now you hookers and hoes</i>
<i>Know how I feel ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Well if it's good enough</i>
<i>to get broke off ♪</i>

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<i>♪ A proper chunk</i>
<i>I'll take a small piece of ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Some of that funky stuff ♪</i>

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<i>♪ It's like this and like that</i>
<i>And like this and, uh... ♪</i>

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-Make some motherfuckin' noise!
-[crowd cheering]

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We'd like to welcome y'all

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to the <i>Snoop Dogg Netflix</i>
<i>Fuckin' Around Comedy Special.</i>

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Brought to you by yours truly.

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But before we start the show we want to
show some love to my DJ, my homeboy,

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DJ Pooh on the ones and twos.

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What's happenin' with it,
Hollywood, California?

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We want y'all to have some fun tonight,
you know what I'm saying?

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We want to make sure
y'all have a real good time.

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DJ Pooh, we want to take it back tonight,
we want to take it way back so we can

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make sure everyone's feeling good
about theyselves...

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before these comedians come out
and start talking shit about y'all.

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Now, we wanted to address a few things.

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With all this drama and all this war going
on in the world, and, you know, people

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rushing stages and gettin' their ass
kicked and all that kind of shit.

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We just wanted to make sure to that
tonight is a fun night. It's safe.

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And it's all about...

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[background remix]
<i>♪ Love and happiness ♪ </i>

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Yes.

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We want to spread love
and make sure that you're happy.

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[background singing begins]

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'Cause that's what tonight's all about:
comedians coming out, telling jokes,

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you laugh and having a good time.

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But if they what?

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Hey, if they rush the stage tonight there
ain't gonna be no...

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[background remix]
<i>♪ Love ♪ </i>

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So stay in your motherfuckin' seats,
so you don't get your ass kicked.

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But right about now we want to spread
some love and some happiness, so

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feel free to clap along
and sing this shit.

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[audience member] <i>Hey!</i>

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<i>♪♪</i>

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<i>♪ Love and happiness ♪</i>

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<i>-♪ Wait a minute ♪</i>
-Wait a minute.

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I knew y'all was gonna sing that shit,
that's why I said, "Wait a minute."

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We gonna have a lot of fun tonight.

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That Al Green sample gonna cost
a lot of motherfuckin' money.

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But don't trip.
Netflix gon' pay for it.

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It's what they do.

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Yeah, we got a live crowd here tonight.

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Make some motherfuckin' noise
for being live tonight.

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-[crowd cheering]
-Yeah!

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Real question: how many people
in the house tonight smoke weed?

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[audience screams and cheers]

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How many people in the house tonight
high right now?

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[audience screams and cheers]

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Well, how many people in the house tonight
on a natural high?

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[audience screams and cheers]

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Well, we'd like to dedicate
this song to you.

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We love the fact that you stay fly,
don't ask why,

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and there's only one way to get by.

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And tonight is your night to be you
and stay drug-free!

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Yeah, I don't trust a motherfucker
that don't get high.

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But anyway, I want y'all to sing along
with me one time for all the people that

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don't do drugs, that don't drink.

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I don't know if it's any of you
motherfuckers in here, but...

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<i>♪ Take to the sky</i>
<i>On a natural high ♪</i>

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Sing it if you ain't gettin' high tonight

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[background chorus continues]

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You don't need to be singing
'cause you fucked up.

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[background chorus continues]

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<i>-♪ Lovin' you more ♪</i>
-[music stops]

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Okay.

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It is some motherfuckers in here
on a natural high.

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Or are all of y'all on a cocaine high?

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It don't matter, fuck it,
we havin' fun tonight.

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Now, I don't know if you guys know,
but uh,

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I just acquired a label
called Death Row Records.

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-[crowd cheers]
-Yes, sir!

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So what I wanna do right now, I just wanna
kinda, like, celebrate that moment,

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'cause I've yet to do that
with anybody.

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So, Haley, where you at, baby?

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This is Haley, she'll be bringing me
things through the night.

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-Thank you, baby.
-Oh, okay.

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So, in the Death Row style fashion,
let's have a toast.

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-[music begins]
-Yes, yes.

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-Anybody wanna get fucked up tonight?
-[crowd cheers]

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Well, let me hear you say,
"I wanna get fucked up!"

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[audience] I wanna get fucked up!

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Everybody say, "I wanna get fucked up!"

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[audience] I wanna get fucked up!

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<i>♪ With so much drama in the L-B-C ♪</i>

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<i>♪ It's kind of hard bein'</i>
<i>Snoop D-O-double-G ♪</i>

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<i>♪ But I somehow, some way ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Keep comin' up with</i>
<i>Funky-ass shit like every single day ♪</i>

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<i>♪ May I, kick a little something</i>
<i>For the Gs and ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Make a few ends</i>
<i>As I breeze through ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Two in the mornin'</i>
<i>And the party's still jumpin' ♪</i>

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<i>♪ 'Cause my momma ain't home ♪</i>

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<i>♪ I got bitches in the livin' room</i>
<i>Gettin' it on ♪</i>

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<i>-♪ And they ain't leavin' 'til six in the</i>
-[audience] <i>Morn ♪</i>

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<i>♪ So what you wanna do? ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Shit I got a pocket full of rubbers</i>
<i>And my homeboys do too ♪</i>

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<i>♪ So turn off the lights</i>
<i>And close the doors ♪</i>

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<i>-♪ But, but what? Yeah</i>
<i>-We don't love them hoes ♪</i>

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<i>♪ So we gonna smoke</i>
<i>A ounce to this ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Gs up hoes down</i>
<i>While you motherfuckers bounce to this ♪</i>

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[background chorus continues]

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<i>♪ Laidback,</i>
<i>with my mind on my money ♪</i>

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<i>♪ And my money on my mind, y'all ♪</i>

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[background chorus continues]

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<i>♪ Sippin' on gin and juice ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Laidback,</i>
<i>With my mind on my money ♪</i>

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<i>♪ And my money</i>
<i>On my motherfuckin' mind ♪</i>

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Hey, Haley, Haley, can you come
get this drink?

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This is just fruit punch, y'all ain't even
got no alcohol in this shit.

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A little juice to get me loose.
Thank you.

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Where the motherfuckin' ladies at?

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[women cheer]

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Shout out to all of the beautiful ladies
in the house, first and foremost,

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shoutout to my lovely wife,

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Shante "Boss Lady" Broadus
is in the house.

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And I want to give a shoutout to all
of the ladies that

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got their eyelashes done tonight...

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That went and got that make-up,
and that botox, and them laced fronts.

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And even the ones with the Spanx on,
just holding it together.

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And I got to give a shoutout to all the
natural women in the house tonight.

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Yes, yes, we love it like that, too.

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And a special shoutout to the ones that
got the Geoffrey Giraffe eyebrows,

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out here trickin' niggas,

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lookin' like Halle Berry in the club,

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but waking up
in the morning like Chuck Berry.

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-Ladies, this is for you.
-[music begins]

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Go ahead.

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<i>♪ If I... I give you the one ♪</i>

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Thank you very much.

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Okay, hold on, this ain't no goddamn
Anita Baker concert.

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She got her masters back.

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We're gonna have to pay her a whole
lot of money for that motherfucker.

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We fittin' to get stuck up for that shit.

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I love you, Nita.

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Now tonight, we got some of the funniest
motherfuckers in comedy

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comin' on the stage.

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But I want y'all to know
where y'all at right now.

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I don't know if y'all know where y'all at.

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We're on Sunset Strip
and this is the spot

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where Richard Pryor did his
<i>Live on Sunset Strip </i>comedy show.

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Shoutout to the gold Richard Pryor,
rest in peace,

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he was one of the funniest
to ever do it.

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And since we in the presence of greatness
and this is a building that he graced,

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00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:04,585
I wanted to bring some of my favorite
comedians in here

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00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:06,337
that I've worked with
in the past.

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00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:08,756
So tonight,
we gonna showcase they skills.

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00:09:08,839 --> 00:09:11,050
I'm just gonna fuck around
and let them clown.

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These are my friends, my family members,
my homies.

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The first guy that reminds me of a...

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00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:20,851
the men that-- that we looked up to,
growing up in the hood:

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Pimps.

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00:09:24,438 --> 00:09:25,815
Yeah, I said it, pimps!

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See one thing about a pimp, we loved the
way they talked, the way they walked,

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00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:36,284
the clothes they wore, the cars they
drove, they women, and they money.

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The next player that I'ma bring
to the stage, he's a businessman,

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00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,206
he's an executive.

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00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:44,917
He's a Emmy-nominated actor.

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His voice has been used in animation
'cause it's pimpin'.

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It's so cold.

187
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You understand me? I mean this is
the only cat that's a GOAT.

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I said this is the only cat that's a GOAT
that can smoke more dope

189
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:04,270
than the D-O-double-G.

190
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:10,026
I'm talking about the one and only...
Stand on your feet right now, make some

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00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:15,531
motherfuckin' noise for Cincinnati's own
Katt motherfuckin' Williams!

192
00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:34,842
Thank you so much, I appreciate it.

193
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:37,094
'Preciate it.

194
00:10:50,858 --> 00:10:54,445
Comedy is very, very dangerous these days,

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00:10:54,528 --> 00:11:00,368
you gotta stay on your motherfuckin'
pivot feet at all motherfuckin' times,

196
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in case somebody,
anybody move.

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00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:06,957
We ready in case anybody
wanna tackle this,

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00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:10,920
you gonna have to be
a lucid motherfucker.

199
00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:16,217
-I just got off 13-year probation.
-[audience cheers]

200
00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:26,185
So that means I have no opinions
about Will Smith or Chris Rock.

201
00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:33,067
I don't involve myself in nothing, even
this shit I see, I do not see.

202
00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:36,278
Having said that...

203
00:11:37,988 --> 00:11:41,367
you walk up here to slap me
and you put your hand way up here.

204
00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:47,039
My job is to not be there when your hand
comes down, I know...

205
00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:53,754
how agile I need to be.
I have the moves.

206
00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:57,842
This is the Dark Ages, folks.
Look it up in history.

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00:11:58,592 --> 00:12:01,345
Any time people that tell the truth
is attacked,

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00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:03,389
that's called the Dark Ages.

209
00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:08,686
When you can't say some shit,
'cause of how somebody might feel,

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00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:11,147
and they might whoop your ass.

211
00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:14,400
That's the Wild, Wild West.

212
00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:18,487
Gotta be very, very careful...

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00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,823
what it is you let happen.

214
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:23,868
We just had a whole election.

215
00:12:24,618 --> 00:12:29,415
Something happened that changed the fabric
of the country, and we ain't say shit.

216
00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:33,627
We traded in a crazy, deranged president

217
00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:36,922
for <i>Weekend at Bernie's.</i>

218
00:12:47,558 --> 00:12:49,185
Everything's upside down.

219
00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:52,605
They lied to all of us.

220
00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:54,106
They don't lie to some of us.

221
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:58,402
They lie to all of us about as much shit
as they possibly can,

222
00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:00,905
and all we can do is just take it.

223
00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:03,282
We ain't got to.

224
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,451
Sometimes you just got
to find out the truth.

225
00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:10,539
Where's all the people that love ox tails?
Make some noise if you love ox tails.

226
00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:16,420
First of all, that's a lot of y'all.

227
00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:19,882
They are delicious. That is a fact.

228
00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:22,593
I don't know why the fuck
y'all sounded so proud.

229
00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:26,138
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

230
00:13:26,847 --> 00:13:29,517
Y'all done drove the price
of that meat up,

231
00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:33,729
neck and neck with pussy
across the country.

232
00:13:33,812 --> 00:13:38,484
A hundred and sixteen dollars?
Bitch, what the fuck is in there?

233
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:44,698
If you love ox tails,
my job is not to judge the truth,

234
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:48,452
my job is just to find out the truth
and run back and fuckin' tell y'all.

235
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:51,622
If you love ox tails, here's the truth.

236
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:56,544
I've been around this country
for 17 100-city tours.

237
00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:59,129
Take my word for this.

238
00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:03,175
There are no oxes in America.

239
00:14:13,727 --> 00:14:15,145
I know they're delicious.

240
00:14:16,313 --> 00:14:19,858
But there are no oxes in America.

241
00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:22,152
That's why
now that you thinkin' 'bout it...

242
00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:26,240
You don't know nobody had an ox,

243
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:30,494
you ain't ever heard of nobody
with some oxes,

244
00:14:30,911 --> 00:14:36,625
never seen an ox on Instagram,
you never seen a TikTok ox,

245
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:39,503
you ain't never seen an ox dealer.

246
00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:43,716
Ox tail is delicious,

247
00:14:44,675 --> 00:14:46,385
but think to yourself,

248
00:14:47,094 --> 00:14:49,305
as much money as you done
touched in your life,

249
00:14:50,431 --> 00:14:53,267
many celebration dinners
as you done had,

250
00:14:54,393 --> 00:14:56,270
why did you stop at the tail?

251
00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:01,609
You didn't ever want no ox steak?

252
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,362
Or no ox ribs?

253
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:08,532
Ain't nobody ever had an ox roast.

254
00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:12,620
'Cause there ain't no motherfuckin' oxes.

255
00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:19,668
The last ox in America was in 1936 owned
by a man named Paul Bunyan.

256
00:15:22,129 --> 00:15:26,467
The ox's name was Babe,
that was the blue ox's name, exactly.

257
00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:27,885
Fuck outta here.

258
00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:31,305
So now, let me take you off the hook,
'cause some of y'all is wondering,

259
00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:34,141
"What the fuck have we been eatin'?"

260
00:15:37,227 --> 00:15:38,479
There ain't no oxes.

261
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,147
Just bulls.

262
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:44,902
They done cut the balls off a bull

263
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:49,156
and
then still tried to sell the meat.

264
00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:51,575
But because there's a God,

265
00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:57,498
if you cut off my balls
and try to sell off my meat,

266
00:15:57,581 --> 00:16:00,167
you raggedy bitch,

267
00:16:00,709 --> 00:16:03,587
you gonna find out I done poisoned
all this meat

268
00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:07,424
with hatred
and anger and resentment.

269
00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:12,262
Only my tail will be delicious
to remind you that you fucked up.

270
00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:17,559
These are the truths
they hidin' from you.

271
00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:20,521
I risk my life to tell y'all these truths.

272
00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:23,899
I'ma tell you another one that'll--

273
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,902
they'll have me crucified
by the morning, watch.

274
00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:29,488
All I gotta do is tell the truth.
Watch this one.

275
00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:33,409
Wendy Williams is Big Foot.

276
00:16:34,868 --> 00:16:39,832
There, I said it, it's out there, I can't
take it back! The bitch is Big Foot!

277
00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:44,878
Every time she go on hiatus,
you see all types of sightings!

278
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:46,547
[deep voice] How you doing?

279
00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:48,674
Shittin' in the woods.
That's the truth.

280
00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:52,177
My name is Katt Williams, thank you
so much, ladies and gentlemen.

281
00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:08,318
-You had to say it, you had to.
-You told me to say it.

282
00:17:08,402 --> 00:17:10,320
-I didn't write that shit.
-Snoop wrote all of that.

283
00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:11,697
I didn't write none
of the jokes for this show.

284
00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:15,117
Hey, Big Foot, Sasquatch
did not come from me.

285
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:16,577
-I had nothing to do with it.
-Oh, no, that's just true.

286
00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:18,287
That's just true.

287
00:17:18,662 --> 00:17:20,414
So, Katt, they wanna know, um,

288
00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:24,084
what was the first time me and you
encountered each other?

289
00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:25,794
When we actually met.

290
00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:27,963
Because I'm so motherfuckin' high
I can't remember.

291
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:28,881
Right.

292
00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:33,343
No, no, that's because, um,
the first time that we met,

293
00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:37,097
I wasn't famous so you couldn't remember
who the fuck I was.

294
00:17:39,641 --> 00:17:41,518
'Cause I wasn't nobody, but...

295
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:47,149
you treated me nice and we had
a real, street level-type conversation

296
00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:49,026
which was helpful to me.

297
00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:51,862
And so the next time
that I saw you,

298
00:17:51,945 --> 00:17:55,407
I was big enough for you
to know who I was,

299
00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:59,703
and then I told you that I was gonna be
doing some work.

300
00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:01,580
And I told you what the work was.

301
00:18:01,663 --> 00:18:05,000
And then that's when you said,
"I'm gonna do it,"

302
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,753
which was, for me,

303
00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:12,508
that one special
sold 25 million copies.

304
00:18:12,591 --> 00:18:14,468
And, um, that was...

305
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:18,472
Yeah, that... that was--

306
00:18:18,555 --> 00:18:21,350
that was,
that was due to association.

307
00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:25,938
And so, you know we have, uh,
such a large history in Los Angeles,

308
00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:28,649
-going from Death Row.
-Yeah.

309
00:18:28,732 --> 00:18:30,317
To the new Death Row.

310
00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:32,069
-Yeah.
-And I love you, Katt.

311
00:18:32,152 --> 00:18:35,823
I love you for always-- for always being
you and always being, you know,

312
00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:37,491
a smart, brilliant, businessman.

313
00:18:37,574 --> 00:18:38,909
That's what a lot of people
don't understand.

314
00:18:38,992 --> 00:18:41,036
To tell these jokes you gotta be
smart and brilliant

315
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,830
'cause you gotta remember
all of that shit.

316
00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:46,083
You gotta be able to, you know, be
repetitious with it at the same time

317
00:18:46,166 --> 00:18:47,918
the fly, in case somebody,
like, jump outta pocket.

318
00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:50,129
You gotta be able to have something
to say for them, too.

319
00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:53,257
So, your brilliance as a businessman,
I respect that.

320
00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:56,885
I tell niggas all the time when I came
over to see you one time and you was like,

321
00:18:56,969 --> 00:19:00,681
"Nigga, I got a check from two years ago,
nigga, for three million dollars and

322
00:19:00,764 --> 00:19:02,141
I ain't even spent it yet!"

323
00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:06,061
And I'm like, "This nigga know how to hold
onto old checks and shit.

324
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,646
And they still be good."

325
00:19:07,729 --> 00:19:10,023
Like, that shit
was brilliant to me,

326
00:19:10,107 --> 00:19:13,026
'cause my checks bounce like
a motherfucker after the first week.

327
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:15,362
Hey, girls.

328
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:19,032
They over here just drinking
for free and shit.

329
00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:20,868
As they should.

330
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:27,833
So, moving right along, to the next
comedian to hit the stage.

331
00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:29,334
He's from Chicago.

332
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:33,463
Give it up for DeRay Davis.

333
00:19:42,723 --> 00:19:43,557
Hello.

334
00:19:45,559 --> 00:19:46,852
What's up, y'all?
Give it up for Snoop Dogg.

335
00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:48,228
Give it up for Snoop Dogg.

336
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:54,026
Katt Williams, the nigga's over there
having a very rich nigga conversation.

337
00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:58,822
I put this outfit on because of how the,
uh, state of comedy been lately.

338
00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:02,534
I wanted a little more, you know,
look a little more thugged out on stage.

339
00:20:04,494 --> 00:20:05,329
No.

340
00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:08,207
But, I was in the back, nigga was like,

341
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:10,626
"You look like
Queen Latifah on <i>Set it Off.</i>"

342
00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:19,051
Stop laughin', white people.

343
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:23,013
It's a joke, motherfuckers.

344
00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:26,391
I'm so happy to see Katt here.
Y'all have no idea.

345
00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:28,018
I ain't seen that brother in so long.

346
00:20:28,143 --> 00:20:31,855
That's-- that's one of my idols, man.
I got to see two of my idols, man.

347
00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:33,732
It's pretty fuckin' cool, man.

348
00:20:34,608 --> 00:20:35,901
Shit too sensitive.
We need Katt.

349
00:20:35,984 --> 00:20:38,362
We need those kind of comedians,
man, shit too sensitive,

350
00:20:38,445 --> 00:20:40,030
you can't even play no more.

351
00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:41,990
I used to joke around,
I can't even joke no more.

352
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:45,744
I used to play with racism, you can't even
play with racism no more.

353
00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:49,581
You can't even play-- I used to go to
the dog park and pretend I lost my dog.

354
00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:53,001
And I had white people
help me look for him.

355
00:20:53,877 --> 00:20:55,337
And I be like, "His name Nigga."

356
00:20:57,965 --> 00:21:00,926
Like, "Nigga! Call him."

357
00:21:03,053 --> 00:21:04,096
"You don't like dogs?"

358
00:21:04,179 --> 00:21:06,098
-"I mean, it's the..."
-"Nigga!

359
00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:08,725
Nigga, please!"

360
00:21:11,979 --> 00:21:12,938
[woman in audience] <i>You look good!</i>

361
00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:15,399
I look good?

362
00:21:16,733 --> 00:21:18,277
Thank you.
You wanna do it?

363
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:22,739
The women always bullshit.

364
00:21:23,573 --> 00:21:25,659
That wasn't a real answer.
You know, like,

365
00:21:25,742 --> 00:21:27,828
I said, "You wanna do it?"
"Ow!"

366
00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:31,999
Now we at my house and shit, I'm like,
"You said we gon' fuck?"

367
00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:34,918
All I said was, "Ow!"

368
00:21:36,086 --> 00:21:37,045
You got to be careful.

369
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:40,299
You got to watch the women in the club
that pretend they wanna fuck.

370
00:21:40,799 --> 00:21:42,926
That's the scary part, in the club,
'cause you really don't know.

371
00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:44,636
They all on you, they getting your drinks
and shit and you...

372
00:21:45,095 --> 00:21:48,598
and you looking at your homies,
like, "Oh, she wanna fuck!"

373
00:21:49,599 --> 00:21:51,518
Don't trust 'em, fellas,
soon as a woman get outside

374
00:21:51,601 --> 00:21:53,687
and the wind hit her eyelashes,
she sober as hell.

375
00:21:53,770 --> 00:21:55,397
"It was really nice meeting you."

376
00:21:57,691 --> 00:22:00,152
"It was so cool."
What the fuck goin' on?

377
00:22:00,861 --> 00:22:03,488
I was talkin' to this one girl,
this bitch jumped in the moving car,

378
00:22:03,572 --> 00:22:05,907
she was like "Bye!"
I'm like "How the fuck?"

379
00:22:07,451 --> 00:22:09,661
How the fuck did they time that so good?

380
00:22:12,914 --> 00:22:14,833
The ladies havin' a good time down there.

381
00:22:15,417 --> 00:22:16,585
Havin' a good time.

382
00:22:17,586 --> 00:22:18,420
You are.

383
00:22:18,503 --> 00:22:20,756
Hard on everybody.
The women was marching a long time ago.

384
00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:22,841
Everybody marchin',
everybody got a fuckin' group,

385
00:22:22,924 --> 00:22:24,301
and that's the problem with comedy.

386
00:22:24,384 --> 00:22:25,761
'Cause women try to defend motherfucker,

387
00:22:25,844 --> 00:22:27,387
we talkin' bout shit that
we've been through.

388
00:22:27,471 --> 00:22:28,805
We talkin' about-- well you might talk
about a motherfucker

389
00:22:28,889 --> 00:22:29,723
that's tryin' to roast them.

390
00:22:29,806 --> 00:22:31,767
You just tell 'em 'bout some shit.
You don't want to offend nobody.

391
00:22:31,850 --> 00:22:34,019
But everybody offended,
everybody got a group.

392
00:22:34,102 --> 00:22:35,062
Then you get cancer.

393
00:22:35,729 --> 00:22:39,107
I see a little boy walkin' on the street,
he fell, I started laughin', he stood up,

394
00:22:39,191 --> 00:22:41,943
"You laughin' at the fallen children
of America?" "Nigga, no, I just...

395
00:22:44,279 --> 00:22:46,656
You fell, I laughed right after that."

396
00:22:50,702 --> 00:22:52,162
And everybody got their horror, man.

397
00:22:52,245 --> 00:22:54,456
The LGBTQ,
they go through it all the time.

398
00:22:54,539 --> 00:22:57,292
Black Lives Matter consistently,
regardless if you see it or not.

399
00:22:57,375 --> 00:22:59,336
Go through it,
I can understand them marches.

400
00:22:59,419 --> 00:23:02,589
But there's people that go through
other shit and we never care about them.

401
00:23:02,672 --> 00:23:05,050
Their whole life they've been
going through this shit

402
00:23:05,133 --> 00:23:06,301
and nobody ever
gave a fuck.

403
00:23:06,384 --> 00:23:08,595
They never stood up for themselves
or nothin'. It's fucked up.

404
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:10,722
The ugly people.
They don't get no...

405
00:23:12,182 --> 00:23:14,726
Claire Cobham just said,
"Thank you!" right now.

406
00:23:17,771 --> 00:23:20,315
Ugly people never get offended
by bullshit.

407
00:23:20,398 --> 00:23:24,986
You never see two cute people arguin', and
one of them call each other, "You ugly!"

408
00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:28,657
And the ugly person stand up, "You ain't
gon' keep throwin' that word around!"

409
00:23:31,952 --> 00:23:34,830
Ugly people are always in denial, too.
They don't know.

410
00:23:34,913 --> 00:23:36,373
They don't want to be ugly.

411
00:23:37,624 --> 00:23:39,709
You could be with your ugly-ass friend.

412
00:23:40,210 --> 00:23:42,879
They could be a million
ugly-nigga march tomorrow.

413
00:23:44,214 --> 00:23:46,133
You could turn to your boy like, "Hey.

414
00:23:47,259 --> 00:23:49,886
I heard y'all got a march tomorrow."

415
00:23:49,970 --> 00:23:53,431
He'd be like,
"Nigga, who got a march?"

416
00:23:55,142 --> 00:23:56,184
The dumb...

417
00:23:58,019 --> 00:24:01,481
The number one thing ugly dudes
always say, "I get bitches."

418
00:24:05,318 --> 00:24:07,404
It's hard on men.
We can't just hustle.

419
00:24:07,487 --> 00:24:10,532
Pretty women can just hustle, it's easy
for pretty women a lot of times.

420
00:24:11,324 --> 00:24:13,743
All women, a lot of times.
Y'all take it for granted.

421
00:24:13,827 --> 00:24:17,164
Like right now, every woman in here right
now could quit her job tonight

422
00:24:17,289 --> 00:24:18,915
and be a stripper tomorrow.

423
00:24:19,916 --> 00:24:21,209
Every woman in here!

424
00:24:21,293 --> 00:24:22,544
And if you think your woman won't,
trust me,

425
00:24:22,627 --> 00:24:24,129
your woman been riding in the car with
her girl from before,

426
00:24:24,212 --> 00:24:26,089
they ride past your club, they look
at each other, they don't say it,

427
00:24:26,173 --> 00:24:28,758
but they say it, be like,
"Bitch, I-- Bitch, you know if I--

428
00:24:28,842 --> 00:24:32,637
I, if I wanted, I--
I don't wanna..."

429
00:24:32,721 --> 00:24:35,974
They don't ever say it out loud 'cause
they don't know who's listening.

430
00:24:36,433 --> 00:24:38,185
But every woman in here could strip
if she want to.

431
00:24:38,268 --> 00:24:41,104
Some women are lookin' at other women
and hatin': "Not her," "Yes, her."

432
00:24:41,897 --> 00:24:44,482
Trust me, unfortunately,
I've been some places.

433
00:24:45,358 --> 00:24:48,778
I went to one strip club, all the bitches
walk around with they own pole.

434
00:24:48,862 --> 00:24:49,863
"You want a dance, nigga?"

435
00:24:56,036 --> 00:24:57,537
"Damn, anybody wanna joust?"

436
00:24:59,247 --> 00:25:01,124
I'm not hatin.
I'm sayin' men can't do that!

437
00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:03,335
As much as we talk shit,
men can't do that shit.

438
00:25:03,418 --> 00:25:04,628
Men can't dance, we can't go--

439
00:25:04,711 --> 00:25:08,048
There's no strip club for us,
there's no hustle for men.

440
00:25:08,131 --> 00:25:11,176
No man ever got out of high school,
first thing they say is,

441
00:25:11,259 --> 00:25:14,221
"Let's go down to Miami
and get this money." It never happened.

442
00:25:17,307 --> 00:25:20,810
You never worry
about a young man stripping.

443
00:25:20,894 --> 00:25:22,687
Your family never worried
about you stripping.

444
00:25:22,771 --> 00:25:24,481
You ain't never been nowhere
and your uncle pulls you to the side,

445
00:25:24,564 --> 00:25:25,690
"Come here, nigga!
Come here.

446
00:25:26,650 --> 00:25:30,362
Now I don't care how bad it get,
I don't wanna see you on that pole!

447
00:25:30,445 --> 00:25:32,739
You understand me?" Never.

448
00:25:33,031 --> 00:25:35,492
'Cause nobody cares
about male strip clubs, they don't exist.

449
00:25:35,575 --> 00:25:37,369
I did a movie called "Chocolate City".
That shit ain't real.

450
00:25:37,452 --> 00:25:39,037
There ain't no male strip clubs.

451
00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:42,374
Yeah, they got male stripper reviews
like in Vegas they do, the, whatever,

452
00:25:42,457 --> 00:25:46,086
the Australian shit, but ain't no regular
male strip clubs, ain't no hustle for us.

453
00:25:46,169 --> 00:25:47,837
Ain't no Dick of Diamonds.

454
00:25:49,631 --> 00:25:52,509
One male stripper never runs into another
one, "Hey, man, you work at DOD?"

455
00:25:52,592 --> 00:25:56,721
He be like, "No, I'm just dancing to get
through, uh, real estate school, nigga."

456
00:25:59,349 --> 00:26:00,183
No.

457
00:26:00,267 --> 00:26:03,019
Women can do it 'cause women
got shit men want to see.

458
00:26:03,436 --> 00:26:04,396
So they capitalize on it.

459
00:26:04,479 --> 00:26:05,689
They got shit we want to see.

460
00:26:05,772 --> 00:26:07,691
Women got special ass moves.

461
00:26:07,774 --> 00:26:09,901
One cheek, two cheek, both cheek, clap.

462
00:26:11,695 --> 00:26:13,613
Ain't no special penis move.

463
00:26:14,406 --> 00:26:17,784
You never go to the male strip club, a
nigga throw his dick around the pole.

464
00:26:20,036 --> 00:26:21,621
Flamo with no hands.

465
00:26:24,833 --> 00:26:26,710
"Oh, shit, look at the centipede
on that nigga!

466
00:26:28,169 --> 00:26:29,879
He doin' the dick drop of death.

467
00:26:31,589 --> 00:26:35,385
Trap twice, survive once."
You don't see that shit.

468
00:26:35,468 --> 00:26:38,221
Women know they ass nice.
Y'all communicate with the clap.

469
00:26:38,305 --> 00:26:39,639
Women celebrate with the clap.

470
00:26:40,140 --> 00:26:42,767
Ass claps see each other,
they don't even gotta know each other,

471
00:26:42,851 --> 00:26:44,311
and women celebrate each other.

472
00:26:44,853 --> 00:26:47,439
Two women, it could be her birthday, she
don't even fuckin' know her over there.

473
00:26:47,522 --> 00:26:50,108
"It's yo' birthday?
Bitch, it's my birthday!

474
00:26:50,817 --> 00:26:52,736
Twerk, twerk, twerk.

475
00:26:53,486 --> 00:26:55,613
It's yo birthday, bitch? It's yo birthday?
Your birthday, my birthday, bitch!

476
00:26:55,697 --> 00:26:57,240
Twerk, twerk, twerk."

477
00:26:57,949 --> 00:27:00,452
Ain't no way in the world I see him
out there, "It's your birthday?

478
00:27:00,535 --> 00:27:02,829
Man, my birth--, nigga, cock clap,
cock clap.

479
00:27:04,039 --> 00:27:06,750
Cock clap real quick.
Cock. Clap. Don't stop."

480
00:27:08,668 --> 00:27:11,338
You never go to the club and see four
niggas cock clappin' in the corner.

481
00:27:15,175 --> 00:27:17,635
Wardin' off girls, "Get the fuck
outta here, we tryin' to celebrate."

482
00:27:17,719 --> 00:27:19,429
Clock, nigga, bump.

483
00:27:23,099 --> 00:27:24,851
And if ladies don't like they bodies,
it's up to you.

484
00:27:24,934 --> 00:27:26,895
We livin' in weird times now.

485
00:27:27,312 --> 00:27:29,856
You know, natural bodies go
against other bodies.

486
00:27:29,939 --> 00:27:31,066
You don't know
why people got their bodies done.

487
00:27:31,149 --> 00:27:32,859
Okay, it's none of our business.
We get it.

488
00:27:32,942 --> 00:27:35,737
None of our business, but be safe when you
gettin' shit done. It's up to you.

489
00:27:35,820 --> 00:27:37,530
But men?
Fuck that.

490
00:27:37,614 --> 00:27:39,783
You can't do that shit.
Men ain't doin' that.

491
00:27:39,866 --> 00:27:41,576
I don't give a fuck what you been readin'.

492
00:27:42,702 --> 00:27:45,080
Ain't no man out there
getting' they dick did.

493
00:27:46,539 --> 00:27:49,167
And when they walk past their friend,
"Hey, is that a new dick job?"

494
00:27:50,251 --> 00:27:51,753
"Yeah, I went down to Colombia.

495
00:27:53,421 --> 00:27:55,548
-I got a dick lift and a nut tuck."
-"Nigga, what?"

496
00:27:56,508 --> 00:27:58,510
-"Dick lift, nut tuck."
-"Nigga, what?"

497
00:27:58,593 --> 00:28:00,804
-"They took some out of my knee."
-"Get the fuck out here."

498
00:28:01,971 --> 00:28:04,099
"They took some of my knee,
a little nipple for sensitivity."

499
00:28:04,182 --> 00:28:05,225
Yo, get...

500
00:28:07,185 --> 00:28:10,563
You never go to the club
and see your boy walk in the club,

501
00:28:10,647 --> 00:28:12,482
he actin' different,
just got his dick did.

502
00:28:12,565 --> 00:28:13,566
"What's up, niggas?"

503
00:28:15,944 --> 00:28:19,114
"Man, fuck yo' fake-dick ass."
"Y'all mad, y'all mad."

504
00:28:19,656 --> 00:28:21,533
Your legs don't match.

505
00:28:24,702 --> 00:28:27,372
If a man got their penis did,
women wanna know.

506
00:28:27,455 --> 00:28:30,750
Women want to know what's in it, 'cause
women care about themselves down there.

507
00:28:30,834 --> 00:28:33,962
Woman don't fuck with certain dyes,
certain materials, certain...

508
00:28:34,045 --> 00:28:35,964
anything that irritate them,
"What the fuck is in yo' fake dick?

509
00:28:36,047 --> 00:28:37,424
Everything don't agree with me."

510
00:28:40,260 --> 00:28:42,303
But men, hmm-mm.

511
00:28:42,387 --> 00:28:44,639
No standards, men don't give a fuck
'bout some fake titties.

512
00:28:45,306 --> 00:28:47,100
Men don't care what's in fake ass.

513
00:28:47,308 --> 00:28:48,685
Never been with a girl
with a fake ass,

514
00:28:48,768 --> 00:28:50,603
like "Hold up, wait.
It got glucose in it?

515
00:28:51,938 --> 00:28:53,356
Peanuts? I'm allergic to..."

516
00:28:54,441 --> 00:28:56,985
Man, if I had a girl with
a big, fake ass, I ain't give a fuck.

517
00:28:58,153 --> 00:29:00,572
She like, "DeRay, spank me,
you ain't sayin' shit."

518
00:29:01,614 --> 00:29:03,700
Like, "Spank me, boy,
you ain't saying shit, girl."

519
00:29:04,617 --> 00:29:07,120
She's like, "You ain't going to spank me?"
I was like, "Bitch, I just did."

520
00:29:08,496 --> 00:29:10,540
You ain't feel it
'cause it's big, fake ass.

521
00:29:11,416 --> 00:29:14,002
I started smacking only real shit.
Give me that neck.

522
00:29:14,961 --> 00:29:17,797
"Ah!"
"Ear. Jaw. Ankle. Bob it.

523
00:29:17,922 --> 00:29:21,509
Neck. Ear. Ankle.
Bop it.

524
00:29:21,634 --> 00:29:25,054
Side." "Ow!"
"Neck. Ankle. Bop it."

525
00:29:26,181 --> 00:29:29,017
She said, "Pull my hair."
I started diggin' through her weave.

526
00:29:30,351 --> 00:29:32,437
I kept digging
until I got to that circular braid.

527
00:29:34,564 --> 00:29:35,398
I pulled that shit.

528
00:29:35,482 --> 00:29:37,567
"Fuck wrong with you?"
You said, "Pull your hair,

529
00:29:37,650 --> 00:29:38,735
I'm pulling your hair, bitch!"

530
00:29:38,818 --> 00:29:40,195
Neck. Bop it.

531
00:29:40,278 --> 00:29:42,697
I'm DeRay Davis, and
I fucked with y'all heavy.

532
00:29:51,831 --> 00:29:54,209
DeRay motherfuckin' Davis.

533
00:29:55,251 --> 00:29:56,377
They know, they know you gettin' it.

534
00:29:56,461 --> 00:29:59,339
Snoop Dogg, y'all!
Snoop Dogg in the building.

535
00:30:01,174 --> 00:30:03,635
-De... motherfuckin' Ray.
-Oh shit, it's an honor, Snoop.

536
00:30:03,718 --> 00:30:04,844
Come on, cat.

537
00:30:04,928 --> 00:30:07,555
It's an honor, nigga!
I know all your lyrics, my nigga.

538
00:30:07,639 --> 00:30:08,515
For real?

539
00:30:08,598 --> 00:30:09,808
Yeah, what you wanna do?

540
00:30:09,891 --> 00:30:12,936
-Oh, you the one, oh, knee dick.
-My favorite shit!

541
00:30:13,019 --> 00:30:14,938
<i>Let it Out</i>, my favorite Snoop record.

542
00:30:15,021 --> 00:30:16,648
-For real?
-Yeah, that's my shit.

543
00:30:16,731 --> 00:30:19,067
I wish I knew how that shit went,
I be so high, I be forgettin'

544
00:30:19,150 --> 00:30:20,610
-half the songs I wrote.
-Ain't that about a bitch?

545
00:30:20,735 --> 00:30:22,987
No, for real, some of my songs,
I gotta have a teleprompter

546
00:30:23,071 --> 00:30:24,155
so I can remember
the words and shit.

547
00:30:24,239 --> 00:30:27,283
No. No, fuck that shit, Snoop, I got
a Snoop story for you real quick.

548
00:30:27,367 --> 00:30:28,576
-Talk to me.
-We not makin' this up.

549
00:30:28,660 --> 00:30:31,079
On God. I'm-- I'm-- it's funny,
he just said this shit.

550
00:30:31,162 --> 00:30:34,958
You had a video shoot, I forgot whose song
it was, but Lil' Jon was there.

551
00:30:35,041 --> 00:30:35,917
His son was young in there.

552
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:39,212
His son kept eatin' all the fuckin'
peanut butter-jam sandwiches.

553
00:30:39,295 --> 00:30:41,297
So while Lil' Jon was doin' the video,

554
00:30:41,381 --> 00:30:44,801
Lil' Jon's son was taking advantage
of the fuckin' crafty, fuckin' it up.

555
00:30:45,677 --> 00:30:46,719
Snoop doin' the song.

556
00:30:46,803 --> 00:30:49,931
The whole time Snoop doin' the song,
he keep turnin' around.

557
00:30:50,181 --> 00:30:53,393
And I was like, "Damn, that nigga got
little moves to this shit." I said,

558
00:30:53,476 --> 00:30:56,563
"That's a cool move you did." That nigga
said, "Nah, I forgot my lyrics.

559
00:30:56,646 --> 00:30:57,730
I was lookin' at 'em."

560
00:30:59,774 --> 00:31:01,901
He had a piece of paper in his hand.

561
00:31:05,905 --> 00:31:07,574
-It's hip-hop.
-True story, y'all.

562
00:31:09,409 --> 00:31:11,286
It's hip-hop,
you gotta have cheat notes, man.

563
00:31:11,369 --> 00:31:13,204
Shit. I mean,
you gotta do what you gotta do.

564
00:31:14,622 --> 00:31:15,832
Ya dig?

565
00:31:16,291 --> 00:31:17,417
Chi-town, though.

566
00:31:17,500 --> 00:31:18,376
-Chi-city.
-Chi-town.

567
00:31:18,459 --> 00:31:21,045
-Chi-city?
-Yep. Chi-town for life, baby.

568
00:31:21,129 --> 00:31:23,590
Chi-town for life. How long--
How long you been out here in California?

569
00:31:24,340 --> 00:31:25,425
-Here?
-Yeah.

570
00:31:25,550 --> 00:31:26,926
Man, I don't live here.

571
00:31:28,386 --> 00:31:30,805
You gotta say that 'cause side bitches
be thinkin' I live somewhere.

572
00:31:31,890 --> 00:31:34,601
No, no, I've been out here since
I think <i>Barber Shop, </i>my first movie.

573
00:31:34,684 --> 00:31:36,603
That's when I first--
we actually filmed it in Chicago.

574
00:31:36,686 --> 00:31:37,604
Yeah. Yeah.

575
00:31:37,687 --> 00:31:41,232
And, uh, that year, that year I was like,
"Let me make the move back and forth."

576
00:31:41,316 --> 00:31:44,402
But I always kept my home in Chicago.
I always kept my house there.

577
00:31:44,485 --> 00:31:46,946
So when Hollywood done with me,
I get to go home, cut my grass.

578
00:31:47,030 --> 00:31:47,864
-Love it.
-Check on my shit,

579
00:31:47,947 --> 00:31:48,781
you know what I'm saying?

580
00:31:48,865 --> 00:31:49,866
What I want to know is--

581
00:31:49,949 --> 00:31:52,577
is your relationship
with Kanye West still the same?

582
00:31:52,869 --> 00:31:54,954
How...?
No, he divorced me too.

583
00:31:56,789 --> 00:31:58,249
-I seen you in the documentary.
-No, no.

584
00:31:58,333 --> 00:32:00,293
My relationship with Kanye's music
is the same,

585
00:32:00,376 --> 00:32:01,669
cause I'm always remember
the genius he is,

586
00:32:01,753 --> 00:32:02,879
I'm always thinking about that person.

587
00:32:02,962 --> 00:32:05,465
A lot of times we forget,
as we watchin' people grow up,

588
00:32:05,548 --> 00:32:07,425
that they actually humans
and they go through shit.

589
00:32:07,508 --> 00:32:08,343
-Right.
-And everybody,

590
00:32:08,426 --> 00:32:11,679
like you got friends that's not exactly
where they supposed to be mentally,

591
00:32:11,763 --> 00:32:12,847
but they still doin' well in life.

592
00:32:12,931 --> 00:32:15,391
We know doctors who go through shit, we
know lawyers who go through shit, rappers,

593
00:32:15,475 --> 00:32:17,060
-y'all just get it so bad...
-Yes.

594
00:32:17,143 --> 00:32:18,895
...'cause y'all got the platform y'all on.

595
00:32:18,978 --> 00:32:20,521
But, nigga, hurt and love

596
00:32:20,605 --> 00:32:22,649
is a whole different thing no matter
who the fuck you is.

597
00:32:22,732 --> 00:32:24,025
-Right.
-So...

598
00:32:24,108 --> 00:32:27,403
I wish them both the best, though,
everybody, they all rich as fuck.

599
00:32:28,071 --> 00:32:31,532
They can ease past somebody who
look like the motherfucker they with now.

600
00:32:33,284 --> 00:32:35,411
Chi-town representin'
in the motherfuckin' house.

601
00:32:35,495 --> 00:32:37,455
-Yes, thank y'all.
-Yeah.

602
00:32:37,538 --> 00:32:39,207
-We love you, nigga, real shit.
-Thank you for the marijuana.

603
00:32:39,290 --> 00:32:40,541
Yeah. Go and get out, nigga.

604
00:32:40,625 --> 00:32:42,126
I got one rolled for you right here.

605
00:32:42,502 --> 00:32:43,628
-This shit right here.
-This rolled for me?

606
00:32:43,711 --> 00:32:45,672
-That shit right there.
-This looks healthy.

607
00:32:45,755 --> 00:32:47,465
That shit right there's the one,
not the two.

608
00:32:47,548 --> 00:32:48,549
Put some fire on that bitch.

609
00:32:48,633 --> 00:32:49,842
Oh, shit, where the fuckin' lighter at,
nigga?

610
00:32:49,926 --> 00:32:50,760
Right there. Get busy.

611
00:32:50,843 --> 00:32:54,347
I don't usually smoke weed on
motherfuckin', um-- yes, I do.

612
00:32:54,430 --> 00:32:57,767
This is a Snoop Dogg Netflix production.

613
00:32:57,850 --> 00:33:00,687
It's called "Fuckin' Around."
We just fuckin' around. You know,

614
00:33:00,770 --> 00:33:04,315
we got some beautiful people in the house
tonight that came out to have a good time.

615
00:33:05,483 --> 00:33:08,528
It's time to bring the next motherfuckin'
comedian out.

616
00:33:08,611 --> 00:33:11,656
Everybody can say that Snoop Dogg
is their favorite uncle, right?

617
00:33:13,700 --> 00:33:17,412
Well this next comedian would be
considered as your favorite auntie.

618
00:33:17,495 --> 00:33:20,999
She will fight for you, she will ride
for you, she would die for you.

619
00:33:21,082 --> 00:33:23,126
She'll even set a nigga up for you.

620
00:33:23,418 --> 00:33:28,381
I'm talkin' 'bout the one and only
Melanie Comarcho.

621
00:33:34,929 --> 00:33:36,389
How y'all doing?

622
00:33:38,725 --> 00:33:41,602
All the ladies in the house say "Ow!"

623
00:33:41,686 --> 00:33:42,645
[women in audience] Ow!

624
00:33:42,729 --> 00:33:46,566
Yeah, we so hot right now,
men want to be us, y'all.

625
00:33:47,025 --> 00:33:49,861
We ain't just makin' moves,
we makin' history, y'all.

626
00:33:50,778 --> 00:33:55,241
The vice-president of the United States:
Ms. Kamala Harris. A woman.

627
00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:57,785
Y'all better make some noise.

628
00:33:59,454 --> 00:34:04,500
The fire chief of L.A. County,
Kristin Crowley, is a woman.

629
00:34:04,584 --> 00:34:05,585
Make some noise.

630
00:34:08,004 --> 00:34:12,967
And we won't even go into Ketanji Brown
Jackson, Supreme Court Justice.

631
00:34:14,135 --> 00:34:15,428
Ooh!

632
00:34:16,179 --> 00:34:20,725
And then there's me, Melanie Comarcho, who
just wrote, directed, edited, and scored

633
00:34:20,808 --> 00:34:26,272
her first film, y'all, <i>Boosters L.A.</i>
That's right, there's power in pussy.

634
00:34:26,355 --> 00:34:27,565
You better ask somebody.

635
00:34:28,649 --> 00:34:31,235
You know what I know. All the ladies
in the house say "Hello."

636
00:34:31,319 --> 00:34:32,361
[women in audience] Hello.

637
00:34:32,445 --> 00:34:35,740
Yeah. So when I say "ladies" I need y'all
to say "hello," 'cause

638
00:34:36,157 --> 00:34:38,826
time's hard
for the single lady right now.

639
00:34:38,910 --> 00:34:40,870
-Ladies.
-[women in audience] Hello.

640
00:34:41,287 --> 00:34:43,456
Girl, they say there's a man shortage.
There ain't no man shortage.

641
00:34:43,539 --> 00:34:44,916
I was in downtown L.A. the other day.

642
00:34:44,999 --> 00:34:46,626
There's men laying all on the ground.

643
00:34:47,877 --> 00:34:50,922
We gotta get you a fixer-upper.
That's where we at right now.

644
00:34:51,798 --> 00:34:55,301
You ain't going to find a man with a job,
a car, his own place, and good dick too.

645
00:34:55,384 --> 00:34:56,344
You a dreamer.

646
00:34:57,637 --> 00:35:00,473
Ain't no such thing, girl.
Times hard right now.

647
00:35:00,556 --> 00:35:02,225
You ain't gonna find none of that.

648
00:35:02,892 --> 00:35:06,145
If you get two out of three of that,
pat yourself on the back. You winnin'!

649
00:35:07,438 --> 00:35:10,358
Oh my God, it's bad for us.

650
00:35:10,441 --> 00:35:13,611
We on the internet looking for love.
What kind of bullshit is that?

651
00:35:15,154 --> 00:35:18,950
I went to Christian Mingles, wasn't
nothing but heathens on that website.

652
00:35:20,493 --> 00:35:25,164
Ended up in Plenty of Fish, wasn't nothing
but barracudas and octopuses on that.

653
00:35:25,998 --> 00:35:29,210
Ended up on meetblindpeople.com, y'all.

654
00:35:29,919 --> 00:35:33,089
Yeah, that's okay, laugh if you want to,
but I got me a good blind man.

655
00:35:34,048 --> 00:35:34,924
We go everywhere together.

656
00:35:35,007 --> 00:35:38,678
He ain't got no dog and I took the cane,
so it's my way or the highway.

657
00:35:40,847 --> 00:35:42,974
He gonna try to break up
with me at my house.

658
00:35:43,057 --> 00:35:45,852
Please, he's still tryin' to find
his way out. I wish I would.

659
00:35:46,686 --> 00:35:47,979
I wish I would.

660
00:35:49,355 --> 00:35:50,565
It's hard out here.

661
00:35:50,982 --> 00:35:52,483
Relationships ain't
what they used to be, man.

662
00:35:52,567 --> 00:35:55,069
Communication is the biggest problem.
Ladies?

663
00:35:55,153 --> 00:35:57,864
-[women scream]
-Hello?

664
00:35:57,947 --> 00:36:00,992
People don't talk no more.
All we do is text. Text, text, text.

665
00:36:01,534 --> 00:36:05,288
I ain't got a booty call in six months
but I got a dick text yesterday.

666
00:36:05,955 --> 00:36:07,623
Just gonna send me a dick in a text.

667
00:36:07,707 --> 00:36:09,542
It wasn't even nothin' romantic:
"Want some?"

668
00:36:10,459 --> 00:36:14,714
I cussed his ass out and was
like, "Hell yeah, I want some!" Shit.

669
00:36:14,797 --> 00:36:19,302
It was beautiful. Circumcised,
all one color, no bumps, hard.

670
00:36:20,678 --> 00:36:23,097
Bring that over.
Everybody want a hard one. Ladies?

671
00:36:24,765 --> 00:36:25,641
Hell yeah, girl.

672
00:36:25,725 --> 00:36:28,728
I don't know whose dick he text,
but it wasn't the one he brought over.

673
00:36:29,562 --> 00:36:32,273
That is not the same dick, no, no, no.

674
00:36:32,356 --> 00:36:34,692
That ain't even hard!
Look at this, look at that.

675
00:36:35,568 --> 00:36:37,278
He talkin' about he was hard
on the way over.

676
00:36:37,361 --> 00:36:38,738
Well, get back in the car.

677
00:36:39,864 --> 00:36:43,326
You drive around til it look like this
text, that's when you pull in my driveway.

678
00:36:43,868 --> 00:36:47,955
-Don't nobody want no damn noodle. Ladies?
-[women] No!

679
00:36:48,039 --> 00:36:50,374
Ain't want no goddamn noodle dick, please.

680
00:36:51,876 --> 00:36:54,003
And they don't even care
if it ain't workin', do they?

681
00:36:54,921 --> 00:36:57,006
Nope.
They'll stuff it in yo' womb.

682
00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:03,679
Oh, every woman in here done been stuffed.
Don't play dumb with me.

683
00:37:03,763 --> 00:37:06,515
If you know what I know,
all the ladies in the house say "hello."

684
00:37:06,599 --> 00:37:07,516
[women] Hello.

685
00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:10,686
Oh yeah, you know, you might get stuffed
tonight, the way it's going.

686
00:37:11,229 --> 00:37:13,648
Keep drinking, keep drinking,
see what happens.

687
00:37:14,232 --> 00:37:15,233
Oh.

688
00:37:15,316 --> 00:37:17,944
If they ain't stuffin', they done took
a pill and lyin' about it.

689
00:37:18,027 --> 00:37:20,196
"Yeah right, I ain't take nothing."
"You took something!"

690
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:23,407
Shit, I went to sleep and woke up
and he was still at it.

691
00:37:23,491 --> 00:37:24,408
I'm like "Ni..."

692
00:37:24,951 --> 00:37:26,786
I don't know what you took,
but whatever it is,

693
00:37:26,869 --> 00:37:29,163
you break that shit in half
before you come back over here again.

694
00:37:29,956 --> 00:37:32,875
Don't want no goddamn
two hours' worth of dick. Ladies?

695
00:37:32,959 --> 00:37:33,960
[women] Hello.

696
00:37:34,043 --> 00:37:35,920
We don't want two hours.

697
00:37:36,337 --> 00:37:40,174
An hour, maybe, and ten minutes of that
better be eatin' some pussy.

698
00:37:40,258 --> 00:37:42,426
-Hello?
-[women] Hello.

699
00:37:42,510 --> 00:37:45,096
Just 'cause you eat me don't mean
I'm doing your ass, do it?

700
00:37:45,179 --> 00:37:46,013
[women] Hello.

701
00:37:46,097 --> 00:37:48,808
'Cause they nasty, a lot of them
don't even wipe good.

702
00:37:50,059 --> 00:37:53,020
Girl, they be havin' skid marks
in the back of their drawers.

703
00:37:53,896 --> 00:37:56,524
Gon' tell me that was sweat.
What you sweat, chocolate?

704
00:37:57,858 --> 00:38:00,611
That was poo-poo right there.
I know poo-poo from chocolate.

705
00:38:02,363 --> 00:38:03,531
Ew.

706
00:38:05,324 --> 00:38:07,952
I don't know what the problem is,
it ain't rocket science.

707
00:38:08,035 --> 00:38:10,037
Just wipe until there ain't
no more brown stuff.

708
00:38:11,330 --> 00:38:12,790
You can look.
Wipe and look.

709
00:38:14,208 --> 00:38:17,003
They wanna act like it's a credit card,
they swipe and go.

710
00:38:17,086 --> 00:38:18,004
You ready?
You ready?

711
00:38:19,380 --> 00:38:22,008
Why you got that brown mark
on the back of your damn drawers?

712
00:38:22,633 --> 00:38:25,845
I don't know why y'all just don't wear
panty liners my damn self.

713
00:38:26,387 --> 00:38:28,347
-Ladies?
-[women] Hello.

714
00:38:28,431 --> 00:38:30,808
Yeah, get you a damn panty.
Look at the men thinking about it.

715
00:38:30,891 --> 00:38:32,643
Look at them, look at them.
Like, shit.

716
00:38:33,102 --> 00:38:35,521
Count your panty liners tomorrow.
I bet one's missing.

717
00:38:35,604 --> 00:38:36,564
I bet you one's missing.

718
00:38:36,647 --> 00:38:38,274
Somebody gonna try that shit.

719
00:38:38,941 --> 00:38:40,443
Tell me, if it wasn't for good dick,

720
00:38:40,526 --> 00:38:42,528
I'd have gave up on y'all asses
a long time ago.

721
00:38:42,611 --> 00:38:44,322
-Ladies?
-[women] Hello.

722
00:38:44,405 --> 00:38:48,868
It ain't too many of them out there,
but hey to the ones that is, hey.

723
00:38:49,327 --> 00:38:51,537
Only thing about good dick,
it ain't got no car.

724
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:56,083
You gotta go pick up good dick.
Ain't that some bullshit?

725
00:38:56,167 --> 00:38:59,462
You be mad, but you be drivin'.
"This the <i>last </i>time."

726
00:39:00,963 --> 00:39:03,424
You guys have been absolutely fantastic.

727
00:39:03,924 --> 00:39:06,719
They givin' me a light,
and I just wanted to give y'all

728
00:39:06,802 --> 00:39:09,430
a little of this
black girl magic.

729
00:39:12,141 --> 00:39:16,604
Somebody make some noise
for Melanie Comarcho.

730
00:39:22,026 --> 00:39:24,362
Oh, this like my brother
from another mother.

731
00:39:24,445 --> 00:39:27,281
-I been knowin' this man for years.
-Yes, yes.

732
00:39:27,365 --> 00:39:29,283
I'm from Inglewood.
He from Long Beach.

733
00:39:30,701 --> 00:39:31,577
Oh, man.

734
00:39:31,660 --> 00:39:36,207
You know, I love me some Snoop,
but I <i>love </i>me some Shante,

735
00:39:36,290 --> 00:39:38,793
-the "Boss Lady" his wife? Oh, my God.
-Yes, sir.

736
00:39:38,876 --> 00:39:40,878
[Melanie] She need to be a damn comedian.

737
00:39:41,504 --> 00:39:44,840
This girl be having me rolling
on the goddamn floor.

738
00:39:45,299 --> 00:39:48,511
You need to be on this goddamn stage
right now, that's where you need to be.

739
00:39:48,594 --> 00:39:49,678
Yo ass is funny!

740
00:39:51,806 --> 00:39:54,350
I love you and I thank you,
any time and every time we call you,

741
00:39:54,433 --> 00:39:55,935
you show up and show out.

742
00:39:56,102 --> 00:39:58,562
When they said you was available
to come do this,

743
00:39:58,646 --> 00:40:00,481
I was definitely honored to have
you be here.

744
00:40:00,564 --> 00:40:02,733
You made it happen, Snoop,
and I thank you.

745
00:40:02,817 --> 00:40:06,612
When Snoop said, "They need a lady on
the show, let's go get Melanie Comarcho,"

746
00:40:06,695 --> 00:40:08,280
so I love you for life for that.

747
00:40:08,364 --> 00:40:10,533
Love you too, sis.
Yeah.

748
00:40:10,616 --> 00:40:12,743
Your favorite uncle and
your favorite auntie.

749
00:40:12,827 --> 00:40:14,537
-That's right.
-You dig?

750
00:40:14,620 --> 00:40:18,624
Now this next comedian right here,
I was in a movie with him.

751
00:40:18,707 --> 00:40:20,126
It was a bullshit movie.

752
00:40:21,377 --> 00:40:24,839
It's called <i>The Ride </i>for those of you
that have yet to see it,

753
00:40:25,131 --> 00:40:27,883
I'd advise you don't see
the motherfucker.

754
00:40:29,135 --> 00:40:33,139
But you've seen him
in extraordinary movies after that.

755
00:40:33,222 --> 00:40:36,267
I mean he's a great
actor/comedian.

756
00:40:36,350 --> 00:40:39,395
You seen him
in movies like <i>Life</i>,

757
00:40:40,062 --> 00:40:42,064
<i>American History X</i>,

758
00:40:42,565 --> 00:40:46,360
and he's also the creator
of <i>Phat Tuesdays</i>,

759
00:40:46,444 --> 00:40:51,031
one of the greatest comedy events that
was ever put on in the comedy world.

760
00:40:51,115 --> 00:40:54,118
I'm talking about the one and only,
from St. Louis,

761
00:40:54,201 --> 00:40:58,539
my guy, your guy, Guy Torry.

762
00:41:05,921 --> 00:41:08,424
What up, Hollywood?

763
00:41:09,884 --> 00:41:11,552
Yeah, I had to change my microphone.

764
00:41:11,635 --> 00:41:14,472
Goddamn, a lot of dick, pussy, and weed
on that goddamn mic.

765
00:41:15,473 --> 00:41:16,682
I'm a germaphobe, man.

766
00:41:16,765 --> 00:41:19,101
What's up, good to see your
naked faces out here!

767
00:41:19,185 --> 00:41:20,728
Masks off!

768
00:41:21,604 --> 00:41:24,231
White people, y'all was happy as fuck
there is no masks anymore,

769
00:41:24,315 --> 00:41:25,774
y'all was happy
as fuck. Boy...

770
00:41:25,858 --> 00:41:26,817
I was on a plane the other day,

771
00:41:26,901 --> 00:41:31,697
white people was crip walkin' on the
plane, "Ah! No masks!"

772
00:41:31,780 --> 00:41:34,116
Fuck that shit. Man, y'all-- y'all,
white people was so happy,

773
00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:36,827
you'd thought they sent niggas back
to Africa, goddammit.

774
00:41:37,411 --> 00:41:38,454
They was happy as hell.

775
00:41:38,537 --> 00:41:39,663
I was sitting there with my mask on.

776
00:41:39,747 --> 00:41:42,374
I was like "I don't give a fuck." I'm the
only one on the flight with my mask on.

777
00:41:42,458 --> 00:41:44,418
They looked at me like
I took my dick out in church.

778
00:41:44,502 --> 00:41:47,755
"Uh!" I'm a germaphobe,
I ain't gonna lie now.

779
00:41:47,838 --> 00:41:49,423
COVID got me being a germaphobe.

780
00:41:49,507 --> 00:41:51,175
I thought germaphobes was-- was crazy.

781
00:41:51,258 --> 00:41:52,510
I dated this chick who was a germaphobe.

782
00:41:52,593 --> 00:41:54,094
Extreme germaphobe.

783
00:41:54,178 --> 00:41:56,639
Every time we go out to dinner,
she order hot water and lemon.

784
00:41:57,139 --> 00:42:00,684
Take the silverware and soak it the damn
hot water and then wipe it off with lemon.

785
00:42:00,768 --> 00:42:03,229
First time she went to suck my dick she
stood there with hot water and lemon, like

786
00:42:03,312 --> 00:42:04,480
"No, bitch.

787
00:42:05,314 --> 00:42:06,732
I ain't sticking my dick
in that hot-ass water,

788
00:42:06,815 --> 00:42:08,734
You ain't rubbin' lemon
on my damn dick."

789
00:42:08,817 --> 00:42:09,735
That's how I get fruity dick.

790
00:42:09,818 --> 00:42:12,947
No, I don't want-- You ain't messin'
with my goddam balls, fuck that!

791
00:42:13,030 --> 00:42:15,282
Not today.
Who's vaccinated in here?

792
00:42:15,366 --> 00:42:17,117
Vaccinated, clap your hands.
Clap your hands if you're vaccinated.

793
00:42:19,995 --> 00:42:21,413
Vaccinated people, quit acting
like you're better

794
00:42:21,497 --> 00:42:23,249
than unvaccinated people,
goddammit.

795
00:42:23,499 --> 00:42:24,917
Quit walking around asking,
"Are you vaccinated?

796
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:26,043
Are you vaccinated?
Are you vaccinated?

797
00:42:26,126 --> 00:42:27,711
What you got? Moderna? Moderna?
You got Pfizer.

798
00:42:27,795 --> 00:42:30,297
Oh, I got Pfizer.
You got Moderna?" Fuck y'all, alright?

799
00:42:31,173 --> 00:42:32,591
I know y'all wondering what I got.

800
00:42:32,675 --> 00:42:33,884
Oh, what's your status?

801
00:42:33,968 --> 00:42:34,843
Oh, I took my first shot.

802
00:42:35,261 --> 00:42:36,762
I took my first shot, yep.

803
00:42:36,845 --> 00:42:38,847
I'm taking my second shot right now,
goddammit.

804
00:42:41,517 --> 00:42:44,103
And they say you need your booster,
goddammit, here's my booster, bitch!

805
00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:48,524
COVID, man.
My mama vaccinated.

806
00:42:48,607 --> 00:42:50,734
My mother's 84 years old,
she's vaccinated.

807
00:42:51,402 --> 00:42:53,946
Hasn't been to the doctor in 20 years
and she's vaccinated.

808
00:42:54,405 --> 00:42:57,950
I call my mama up, "Hey Mama, I want
to come see you, I miss you, I love you.

809
00:42:58,033 --> 00:42:59,577
-I just want a hug."
-"Are you vaccinated?

810
00:42:59,660 --> 00:43:00,661
Are you vaccinated?

811
00:43:01,370 --> 00:43:02,663
You not comin' to the house
unless you vaccinated."

812
00:43:02,746 --> 00:43:04,331
"Bitch, I bought that house!

813
00:43:05,708 --> 00:43:07,835
You can be 'evixxinated' from it
real goddam quick."

814
00:43:09,003 --> 00:43:11,171
I didn't say "bitch," I didn't say
"bitch," I thought it though,

815
00:43:11,255 --> 00:43:12,715
I thought it.
I got a black mama.

816
00:43:13,465 --> 00:43:15,092
You don't talk
to the black moms like that.

817
00:43:15,175 --> 00:43:16,635
Now, white people, y'all--
y'all different.

818
00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:19,471
Y'all cuss y'all mom out.
"Fuck you, Mom!

819
00:43:19,555 --> 00:43:22,600
You fucking whore,
you're such a fucking cunt, Mom!"

820
00:43:23,601 --> 00:43:25,019
"Sarah!

821
00:43:26,061 --> 00:43:27,980
What has gotten into you?

822
00:43:28,397 --> 00:43:30,482
Wait 'til your father gets home."

823
00:43:31,525 --> 00:43:32,484
Black moms can't say that.

824
00:43:32,568 --> 00:43:35,404
"Wait 'til your father... Oh, he ain't
been home since '05, goddammit."

825
00:43:37,531 --> 00:43:38,574
COVID! Who caught COVID?

826
00:43:38,657 --> 00:43:40,784
Clap your hands if you caught COVID,
goddammit. Clap your hands.

827
00:43:40,868 --> 00:43:41,785
[faint clapping]

828
00:43:41,869 --> 00:43:43,704
Come on, there's more niggas
that caught COVID.

829
00:43:43,787 --> 00:43:44,747
Y'all lyin' like hell.

830
00:43:45,748 --> 00:43:47,791
I had it!
I had COVID, yep.

831
00:43:47,875 --> 00:43:49,627
Caught it from my Mexican friend.
God damn right.

832
00:43:50,044 --> 00:43:51,545
We should've built the goddam wall.

833
00:43:51,629 --> 00:43:53,213
I got it from my Mexi-damn friend.

834
00:43:53,297 --> 00:43:55,758
It was the night the Dodgers won
the World Series.

835
00:43:56,175 --> 00:43:59,386
Motherfuckers, y'all was celebratin',
Mexicans are like, "Arrayayayaya!

836
00:43:59,470 --> 00:44:03,557
Rayayaya!" I went outside to see
what was goin' on, "Rayayayaya,"

837
00:44:03,641 --> 00:44:08,354
one of them cheekies went airborne
and landed on my goddam lip.

838
00:44:09,980 --> 00:44:12,816
And when there's something on your lip,
what do you do? Umh...

839
00:44:14,401 --> 00:44:17,196
Three days later, like VD,
I got the goddam COVID.

840
00:44:17,613 --> 00:44:19,490
Fucked me up, man.
I thought I was gonna die.

841
00:44:19,573 --> 00:44:21,200
I thought I was gonna die.

842
00:44:22,242 --> 00:44:23,786
COVID fucked me up, man.

843
00:44:23,869 --> 00:44:26,038
I was half-naked the whole time
I had COVID.

844
00:44:26,121 --> 00:44:29,124
I had on no socks, no shoes,
no drawers, no pants.

845
00:44:29,208 --> 00:44:31,877
Just a white T-shirt with yellow rings
around the goddamn armpit.

846
00:44:33,087 --> 00:44:36,048
And when you have COVID, it give you
diarrhea and it make you throw up.

847
00:44:36,590 --> 00:44:39,635
I was shitting and throwing up
at the same time. Ah!

848
00:44:39,718 --> 00:44:42,930
It was like I was in a COVID gangbang.
Ah!

849
00:44:43,639 --> 00:44:44,682
It fucked me up, man.

850
00:44:44,765 --> 00:44:47,893
I grabbed my Bible, I started praying to
God, 'cause I thought I was gonna die.

851
00:44:47,976 --> 00:44:51,563
And when you on your deathbed, man, you
pray to God like, like, like, like, like--

852
00:44:51,647 --> 00:44:53,148
it's no-- you lie to God!

853
00:44:53,273 --> 00:44:55,526
I was making up shit,
I had a ten COVID commandments.

854
00:44:55,609 --> 00:44:57,653
"I'm sorry, Lord,
I ain't gonna cuss no more.

855
00:44:57,736 --> 00:44:59,780
No more alcohol, Lord,
no more porn,

856
00:44:59,863 --> 00:45:01,698
I ain't gonna eat my meat,
I ain't gonna beat my meat,

857
00:45:01,782 --> 00:45:03,659
Lord, I'm done!"

858
00:45:04,660 --> 00:45:07,579
I was scared, man,
'cause I'm 53!

859
00:45:08,414 --> 00:45:11,125
53 years old!
Covid was killin' niggas in their 50s.

860
00:45:11,208 --> 00:45:14,545
Yes! I know, white people, you look at me,
I'm like, "Gosh, you look great." I know!

861
00:45:15,921 --> 00:45:17,214
I'm Black, goddammit.

862
00:45:17,714 --> 00:45:20,968
We age well!
We age well!

863
00:45:21,593 --> 00:45:23,053
We age well!

864
00:45:23,137 --> 00:45:27,307
You know that sayin', Black don't crack?
Black don't crack.

865
00:45:27,391 --> 00:45:29,810
Now we may smoke it, sell it,
and get arrested for it,

866
00:45:30,936 --> 00:45:32,146
but we don't do it!

867
00:45:32,229 --> 00:45:35,149
White people, y'all don't age well.
Y'all age horribly.

868
00:45:36,066 --> 00:45:41,363
Like, horribly.
Like, horribly!

869
00:45:41,864 --> 00:45:44,950
Especially white men, y'all age
like organic fruit from Whole Foods.

870
00:45:46,493 --> 00:45:48,287
That'll be green on Monday,
brown on Wednesday,

871
00:45:48,370 --> 00:45:50,205
all rotten by Friday, goddammit.

872
00:45:51,582 --> 00:45:53,459
My man right here. Look. Stand up, sir.
Stand up, sir.

873
00:45:53,542 --> 00:45:54,501
Stand up, there you go.

874
00:45:54,835 --> 00:45:56,545
Give him a round of applause.
Give him a round of applause.

875
00:45:58,422 --> 00:46:00,424
Thirteen.
That motherfucker 13 years old.

876
00:46:03,552 --> 00:46:04,845
Look at my man right here.
Stand up, sir.

877
00:46:05,262 --> 00:46:06,138
Stand up, sir.
Right here, yeah, stand up, sir.

878
00:46:06,221 --> 00:46:07,931
Give him a round of applause.
Stand up, turn around, let them see.

879
00:46:09,391 --> 00:46:12,853
97. 97 years old.

880
00:46:12,936 --> 00:46:16,106
-Where my Latinos in the house?
-[audience cheers]

881
00:46:16,190 --> 00:46:18,108
My Latin men.
Stand up, sir, stand up, sir.

882
00:46:18,192 --> 00:46:20,402
Stand up, right there.
Look at him, 103.

883
00:46:21,653 --> 00:46:24,072
Black don't crack
and beige don't age, goddammit.

884
00:46:25,782 --> 00:46:28,494
Y'all been good, I thank y'all so much,
man, Netflix is a Joke.

885
00:46:28,911 --> 00:46:31,079
God bless y'all, I'm Guy Torry.

886
00:46:32,706 --> 00:46:38,587
My guy, your guy, give it up one more time
for Guy motherfuckin' Torry!

887
00:46:43,425 --> 00:46:44,468
What up, boy?

888
00:46:44,551 --> 00:46:45,969
I'm all good, what's happenin' with it?

889
00:46:46,553 --> 00:46:48,222
This shit is ghetto as a motherfucker.

890
00:46:48,305 --> 00:46:50,057
Nigga been over here smokin' and shit.

891
00:46:50,557 --> 00:46:52,392
Playin' the fuck around
and got me drunk, too.

892
00:46:52,476 --> 00:46:54,102
Hey, I-- I been drunk.

893
00:46:54,186 --> 00:46:55,020
For real?

894
00:46:55,187 --> 00:46:56,480
I don't drink, though.

895
00:46:56,605 --> 00:46:59,983
I drink.
I drink, smoke cigars... suck titties.

896
00:47:01,401 --> 00:47:04,321
That's what keeps me young.
Titties and tequila, goddammit.

897
00:47:05,447 --> 00:47:09,576
Guy, <i>Phat Tuesdays</i>, man, congratulations
on being considered for an Emmy.

898
00:47:09,660 --> 00:47:10,661
[Guy] Appreciate that.

899
00:47:10,744 --> 00:47:12,412
-Great shit.
-'Preciate that.

900
00:47:12,496 --> 00:47:14,248
Great job you did with that.

901
00:47:14,623 --> 00:47:17,543
So, what's your plans now?
What you doing next?

902
00:47:17,626 --> 00:47:20,003
Man, <i>Phat Tuesdays</i>, man,
is gonna be <i>Obese Tuesdays</i>, man.

903
00:47:20,087 --> 00:47:22,005
We got more brands comin'
under that label, man,

904
00:47:22,089 --> 00:47:23,215
-so...
-That's good.

905
00:47:23,298 --> 00:47:25,968
It's cats like Katt Williams and
Melanie Comarcho and DeRay Davis, man,

906
00:47:26,051 --> 00:47:29,179
who came through and ripped it
and made <i>Phat Tuesdays </i>what it was.

907
00:47:29,263 --> 00:47:31,807
So I appreciate, you know, them coming
through and making <i>Phat Tuesdays</i>

908
00:47:31,890 --> 00:47:34,101
one of the biggest nights
in the history of comedy.

909
00:47:34,184 --> 00:47:36,019
Love and a baby,
that's what I'm talkin' about.

910
00:47:36,103 --> 00:47:36,937
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

911
00:47:37,020 --> 00:47:38,897
That's what we do it for, we do it
to show love, y'all, like I said.

912
00:47:38,981 --> 00:47:40,023
This is all my family members,

913
00:47:40,107 --> 00:47:42,568
so this is like a light-weight family
reunion for me.

914
00:47:42,651 --> 00:47:45,862
For us to have fun tonight,
listen to these great comedians,

915
00:47:45,946 --> 00:47:47,364
get y'all entertained.

916
00:47:47,739 --> 00:47:51,743
So, next up to bat
is a comedian from DC.

917
00:47:51,827 --> 00:47:53,370
The go-go town.

918
00:47:53,453 --> 00:47:54,913
Chocolate City.

919
00:47:54,997 --> 00:47:57,165
And he is a funny motherfucker.

920
00:47:57,249 --> 00:48:00,877
I mean, this is one of my peoples.
In real life, we got a real relationship.

921
00:48:00,961 --> 00:48:04,298
We talk to each other away
from being on screen together.

922
00:48:04,381 --> 00:48:09,136
-Some of you may know him as Ashy Larry.
-Yeah.

923
00:48:09,219 --> 00:48:11,930
Ladies and gentlemen, I want you to stand
on your feet and make some noise

924
00:48:12,014 --> 00:48:15,392
for my guy, Donnell Rawlings.

925
00:48:23,150 --> 00:48:25,402
I know what the fuck y'all sayin'.

926
00:48:26,153 --> 00:48:28,822
"Fuck is Ashy Larry doin'
with a motherfuckin' suit on?"

927
00:48:30,115 --> 00:48:32,075
I'm rich, bitch!

928
00:48:33,118 --> 00:48:35,495
I'm going from ashy to classy, nigga!

929
00:48:36,246 --> 00:48:39,249
I got the same suit Chris Rock
got smacked on.

930
00:48:41,251 --> 00:48:42,753
That's why you can't wear
no suit on stage.

931
00:48:42,836 --> 00:48:46,131
That nigga Chris Rock got smacked
and fixed his button.

932
00:48:49,635 --> 00:48:52,346
Y'all said what Will said.
"Pow!" that nigga said.

933
00:48:56,933 --> 00:48:58,810
Wow.

934
00:49:00,354 --> 00:49:03,315
Who the fuck gets smacked
and get dressed at the same time?

935
00:49:04,107 --> 00:49:06,568
What did the five fingers say to the face?
Pow!

936
00:49:11,948 --> 00:49:15,619
I wanna shout out Anderson .Paak
and fuckin' Bruno Mars for coming up

937
00:49:15,702 --> 00:49:18,121
with the toxic relationship
song of the year:

938
00:49:19,081 --> 00:49:20,749
"Smokin' Out the Window".

939
00:49:21,208 --> 00:49:25,212
I know nothin' about that song,
the only word I know is "This bitch!"

940
00:49:27,130 --> 00:49:29,883
That's the only part of that song:
"This bitch...

941
00:49:30,717 --> 00:49:33,303
got me payin' her rent,

942
00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:35,889
payin' for shit.

943
00:49:36,431 --> 00:49:39,518
Diamonds on her neck,
diamonds on her wrist.

944
00:49:39,893 --> 00:49:42,187
And here I am all alone!"

945
00:49:43,772 --> 00:49:44,690
I just, what?

946
00:49:44,773 --> 00:49:46,191
"This bitch!"

947
00:49:47,317 --> 00:49:49,194
That nigga sounds like,
"This bitch right here.

948
00:49:49,277 --> 00:49:51,446
"This! This bitch!"

949
00:49:53,657 --> 00:49:56,201
That nigga said that shit like he been
wantin' to say that shit for years

950
00:49:56,284 --> 00:49:57,369
and kept it in.

951
00:49:58,036 --> 00:50:01,540
He was just like, "Oh, I ain't gonna kill
this bitch, I ain't gonna kill her!"

952
00:50:02,457 --> 00:50:06,253
Somebody said, "How you and Tanya doin'?"
"This! Bitch!"

953
00:50:07,754 --> 00:50:08,755
Toxic relationship.

954
00:50:08,839 --> 00:50:12,175
Only time you're in a toxic relationship
is when the pussy is fire.

955
00:50:13,677 --> 00:50:17,431
You ever see a nigga argue with a bitch,
they got some whack-ass pussy?

956
00:50:18,181 --> 00:50:19,266
Never!

957
00:50:20,934 --> 00:50:22,769
That bitch be leavin', come back,
"I'm back!"

958
00:50:22,853 --> 00:50:24,146
"Bitch, I ain't even know you left."

959
00:50:25,063 --> 00:50:27,733
Fuck outta here
with that terrible-ass pussy.

960
00:50:30,068 --> 00:50:32,946
Now WAP is what get motherfuckers
in toxic relationship.

961
00:50:33,530 --> 00:50:35,741
Look, there go the bitches
with the WAP, right there.

962
00:50:36,616 --> 00:50:37,534
If you don't know WAP is,

963
00:50:37,617 --> 00:50:39,995
niggas lookin like they don't know
the fuck I'm talkin' about.

964
00:50:40,078 --> 00:50:41,830
Certified freak!

965
00:50:42,581 --> 00:50:44,332
Seven days a week!

966
00:50:45,041 --> 00:50:48,837
"Wet-ass pussy" make
that pull-out game weak.

967
00:50:50,255 --> 00:50:53,258
You fuckin' with some wet-ass pussy.

968
00:50:55,677 --> 00:50:57,053
Megan Thee Stallion
came on the track,

969
00:50:57,137 --> 00:50:59,181
I thought I was listenin'
to a female E-40.

970
00:51:00,849 --> 00:51:03,602
That bitch sayin', "Swallow me, gotta be,
zip, wow, wow, wow.

971
00:51:04,227 --> 00:51:08,607
"Swallow me, gotta be, zip, wow, wow, wow.
Swallow allow allow allow me gotta be."

972
00:51:08,940 --> 00:51:11,443
Ask for a car
while you ride that dick!

973
00:51:12,444 --> 00:51:15,363
Girl, you better get that car
before I bust a nut, bitch.

974
00:51:15,864 --> 00:51:18,366
'Cause I got nothin'.
I don't give a fuck how you get on, bitch.

975
00:51:18,450 --> 00:51:20,160
There's a bird in the back,
get on that bird.

976
00:51:22,329 --> 00:51:23,955
Wet-ass pussy!

977
00:51:24,247 --> 00:51:26,208
Grab a mop!

978
00:51:28,043 --> 00:51:30,253
White men, are you listening
to me right now?

979
00:51:31,171 --> 00:51:35,884
Grab a mop and a bucket
for this wet-ass pussy!

980
00:51:35,967 --> 00:51:37,385
A mop and a bucket?

981
00:51:37,469 --> 00:51:40,013
Bitch, your water broke,
you pregnant, bitch!

982
00:51:40,972 --> 00:51:43,058
That baby 'bout to crown out that pussy.

983
00:51:59,825 --> 00:52:01,660
That pussy is wet!

984
00:52:02,160 --> 00:52:04,204
Sir, you been around some
wet-ass pussy, right?

985
00:52:05,080 --> 00:52:08,416
Imagine this, you gettin' the pussy wet.
Right? You like this.

986
00:52:08,500 --> 00:52:09,751
Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba.

987
00:52:10,293 --> 00:52:12,128
I don't know how you do it, nigga,
that's how I do it.

988
00:52:12,212 --> 00:52:13,171
Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba.

989
00:52:13,463 --> 00:52:15,757
I don't make no eye contact, nigga,
I don't even look at the bitch.

990
00:52:15,841 --> 00:52:19,678
Ba ba ba, bap, bap bap bap...
[continues scat noises]

991
00:52:19,761 --> 00:52:24,432
I'm Michael Jackson.
[continues scat noises]

992
00:52:34,442 --> 00:52:36,528
You gettin' the pussy wet, you doin' this.
I don't know.

993
00:52:36,611 --> 00:52:39,322
I got another move, it's called
"the gunshot." Look at me, nigga.

994
00:52:39,406 --> 00:52:42,450
You take your-- take your hand,
make it look like a gun,

995
00:52:42,534 --> 00:52:44,995
then you hit the pussy
like this. Pow! Pow!

996
00:52:46,705 --> 00:52:49,624
Like you in Long Beach, a drive-by.
Pow, pow!

997
00:52:50,125 --> 00:52:52,335
You hit that pussy like that.
Pow!

998
00:52:55,338 --> 00:52:56,423
Pow!

999
00:52:57,966 --> 00:53:00,927
I got this 'nother move, it's for you, you
an old nigga, "the nano-nano," nigga.

1000
00:53:02,178 --> 00:53:03,680
Hit that shit like this,
"Nano, nano!

1001
00:53:03,763 --> 00:53:07,309
Badabababa." Imagine you doin'
all these moves, "Fap!

1002
00:53:07,392 --> 00:53:09,686
Wada-bat-bat! Nano, nano!"

1003
00:53:09,769 --> 00:53:11,396
And all a sudden, you like, "Fuck.

1004
00:53:14,149 --> 00:53:15,483
Jesus.

1005
00:53:16,192 --> 00:53:17,903
I need a mop and a bucket.

1006
00:53:19,613 --> 00:53:21,781
Oh, a mop and a bucket, right here. Whew."

1007
00:53:40,467 --> 00:53:41,968
That pussy's wet!

1008
00:53:42,510 --> 00:53:45,513
Another fun fact you might not know
about this pussy, sir,

1009
00:53:45,597 --> 00:53:47,390
this pussy don't even have a job!

1010
00:53:48,391 --> 00:53:50,435
Cardi B sayin', "I don't cook!

1011
00:53:50,518 --> 00:53:52,354
I don't clean!

1012
00:53:52,854 --> 00:53:55,774
But let me tell you how I got this ring."
You guessed it.

1013
00:53:55,857 --> 00:53:57,442
Wet-ass pussy.

1014
00:53:57,525 --> 00:53:58,693
I was like, "Wait a minute, bitch.

1015
00:53:58,777 --> 00:54:02,697
You don't cook or clean?"
I was like, "Uh..."

1016
00:54:03,239 --> 00:54:06,284
I don't know about that.
I'm old, bitch. I get hungry.

1017
00:54:07,077 --> 00:54:09,663
Fuck yo' wet-ass pussy,
I need a drier pussy than this.

1018
00:54:10,246 --> 00:54:13,625
I need some dry-ass pussy to make
some buttermilk biscuits, bitch!

1019
00:54:14,501 --> 00:54:15,418
Fuck you.

1020
00:54:15,835 --> 00:54:20,006
I need some dry-ass pussy with a
laryngitis voice, a ashy-ass voice.

1021
00:54:20,090 --> 00:54:25,053
"Yeah, you fucking with some."
Dry pussy sound like Katt Williams.

1022
00:54:25,136 --> 00:54:26,596
"You fucking with some dry."

1023
00:54:30,225 --> 00:54:32,268
I want that pussy to sound
like Katt Williams in...

1024
00:54:32,352 --> 00:54:34,980
"Yes, you fuckin'
with some dry-ass pussy.

1025
00:54:38,191 --> 00:54:40,026
Grab a mop and a bucket for it.

1026
00:54:40,110 --> 00:54:43,029
This dry-ass pussy, yeah!"

1027
00:54:43,113 --> 00:54:45,448
I'm Donnell Rawlings, y'all been great.
Peace!

1028
00:54:52,664 --> 00:54:57,502
Ladies and gentlemen, one more time
for Donnell Rawlings!

1029
00:54:58,837 --> 00:55:01,548
That nigga drop the mic like Kevin Hart
comin' out next.

1030
00:55:03,758 --> 00:55:06,219
Lift the mic up.
Littte last mic, lift it back up.

1031
00:55:07,137 --> 00:55:08,138
Son!

1032
00:55:08,346 --> 00:55:09,973
You sharp as a motherfucker tonight.

1033
00:55:10,056 --> 00:55:12,434
Thank you, sir.
Child support just went up 50%.

1034
00:55:14,978 --> 00:55:17,355
I love what you do.
I love how you get down.

1035
00:55:17,439 --> 00:55:18,648
I love how you move
and shake and bake.

1036
00:55:18,732 --> 00:55:20,275
What you working on right now?
What you got coming up?

1037
00:55:20,358 --> 00:55:24,154
Uh, currently, I'm on the new season
of <i>BMF</i>, which you was a part of.

1038
00:55:24,237 --> 00:55:26,823
-Yes, sir.
-Yes. My nigga.

1039
00:55:26,906 --> 00:55:29,659
And I will say this, man, you were
like a stand-up god, man.

1040
00:55:29,743 --> 00:55:32,245
My father passed away like two years ago

1041
00:55:32,620 --> 00:55:34,581
and my whole career
I've been tryin' to get my father to say

1042
00:55:34,998 --> 00:55:36,499
I'm the funniest motherfucker
he know, right?

1043
00:55:36,583 --> 00:55:39,085
He would not do it.
I remember one time, I said,

1044
00:55:39,169 --> 00:55:43,757
"Dad, who the funniest person you know?"
He said, "Man,

1045
00:55:43,840 --> 00:55:46,426
that motherfuckin' Snoop Doggy Dogg."

1046
00:55:47,135 --> 00:55:52,015
I was like, "Nigga!" And then,
when he passed away,

1047
00:55:52,098 --> 00:55:54,267
that's why I say you're a
real motherfucker, you respond to texts,

1048
00:55:54,642 --> 00:55:58,563
you respond to phone calls, I told you,
man, I just wanted to tell you this.

1049
00:55:58,646 --> 00:56:01,691
My father was a huge fan of yours.
I'm a huge fan of yours, man,

1050
00:56:01,775 --> 00:56:02,734
I appreciate you, brother.

1051
00:56:04,319 --> 00:56:06,863
Make some noise
for Donnell Rawlings, y'all!

1052
00:56:10,658 --> 00:56:12,410
Now this next comedian,

1053
00:56:12,494 --> 00:56:15,789
I call him
the Richard Pryor to my Goldie.

1054
00:56:15,872 --> 00:56:18,917
Some of you may know him
as Day-Day in <i>Friday</i>.

1055
00:56:21,961 --> 00:56:25,673
He's one of the straightest shooters
to come out of Indiana since Larry Bird.

1056
00:56:26,549 --> 00:56:30,553
I want you to give it up for my talented
friend, the one and only

1057
00:56:30,637 --> 00:56:34,182
Mike motherfuckin' Epps.

1058
00:56:39,437 --> 00:56:42,816
Oh yeah! Yeah!

1059
00:56:44,150 --> 00:56:48,488
Yeah! Uh! Uh!

1060
00:56:49,781 --> 00:56:52,909
That's how lil' ol' me
be hittin' that thing right there.

1061
00:56:53,409 --> 00:56:56,329
Little ol' me ain't have that penny loafer
on that there motherfuckin' thing

1062
00:56:56,412 --> 00:56:57,997
right there, hit that little thing.

1063
00:56:58,081 --> 00:57:00,875
Spin that little thing 'round there,
spin that little thing.

1064
00:57:02,085 --> 00:57:03,253
Spin!
Y'all give it up for everybody.

1065
00:57:03,336 --> 00:57:07,465
Give it up for my nigga Snoop Dogg
for puttin' this together.

1066
00:57:10,301 --> 00:57:12,804
That nigga paid us all in weed.

1067
00:57:14,556 --> 00:57:17,892
"Yeah, cuz, I'm gonna get you two
pounds for this show here tonight."

1068
00:57:20,562 --> 00:57:23,690
Yeah, man, it's crazy out here!

1069
00:57:23,773 --> 00:57:25,692
Let me show y'all.
Let me show you niggas!

1070
00:57:26,526 --> 00:57:28,945
Let me show a nigga
what I got right quick.

1071
00:57:30,780 --> 00:57:33,658
Hit you in your motherfucking mouth
if you run up here, bitch.

1072
00:57:36,703 --> 00:57:41,374
E'erybody keep asking me what I would've
did if Will Smith would've smacked me.

1073
00:57:43,042 --> 00:57:47,464
I'd have said, I fell out
on the ground and held my face.

1074
00:57:48,756 --> 00:57:52,051
And said, "My neck and my back,
my back and my neck."

1075
00:57:55,513 --> 00:57:58,308
I'd have called Larry Parker
that same night.

1076
00:58:01,144 --> 00:58:04,272
And told him, "Nigga, I'd have woke up
look like Hitch the next day.

1077
00:58:04,355 --> 00:58:05,398
Whole side...

1078
00:58:06,733 --> 00:58:08,943
Whole side of my face did fell.

1079
00:58:11,488 --> 00:58:15,033
I got a car in the shop I'm trying to get
out, nigga, don't hit me."

1080
00:58:17,952 --> 00:58:20,955
It's a whole lot of white people in here.
It feel like I'm in court.

1081
00:58:27,378 --> 00:58:30,423
I got these tight-ass leather
vanity pants on.

1082
00:58:32,342 --> 00:58:34,677
Nuts screamin' in these motherfuckers!

1083
00:58:35,303 --> 00:58:37,180
That's why I'm walking like this on you.

1084
00:58:41,809 --> 00:58:43,269
Nigga, I can still do like that.

1085
00:58:50,485 --> 00:58:54,364
I was in Atlanta, man, I was in Atlanta,
man, at the strip club, man,

1086
00:58:54,447 --> 00:58:56,366
and ran into
my buddy's daughter.

1087
00:58:59,077 --> 00:59:01,287
It was the most awkward shit.

1088
00:59:01,996 --> 00:59:05,792
She said, "Don't tell nobody."
I said, "Don't you tell nobody.

1089
00:59:06,918 --> 00:59:09,254
Get over here!"
I told her, "Get over here!

1090
00:59:10,630 --> 00:59:13,841
I been watching you since you were 17.
Get over here!"

1091
00:59:22,267 --> 00:59:25,520
We goin' fishing next week.
I gotta break it to him.

1092
00:59:27,855 --> 00:59:29,440
There's a lot of white women in here.

1093
00:59:29,524 --> 00:59:34,571
You know, black men, they date white women
'cause they don't want to date their mama.

1094
00:59:35,530 --> 00:59:38,199
That's right, datin' a black woman's
like datin' your mama.

1095
00:59:38,783 --> 00:59:41,619
That's why OJ keep coming out,
and white bitches line up.

1096
00:59:42,161 --> 00:59:45,623
After he did'n did all that, white bitches
is still trying to get him.

1097
00:59:46,791 --> 00:59:48,459
White women ain't scared of shit.

1098
00:59:49,752 --> 00:59:51,629
You can tell a white woman
the devil's in there,

1099
00:59:51,713 --> 00:59:53,298
"Well, I want to talk to him!"

1100
00:59:53,881 --> 00:59:56,426
Like, "Go on in there, bitch,
if you want to talk to him.

1101
00:59:56,593 --> 00:59:58,177
Sit on his hot-ass lap."

1102
01:00:04,225 --> 01:00:07,729
I been actin' like I don't like
white people for a long time.

1103
01:00:09,188 --> 01:00:11,482
But it ain't real, you know what I mean?

1104
01:00:11,566 --> 01:00:13,776
I did ancestry.com.

1105
01:00:15,653 --> 01:00:17,822
I'm related to George Bush.

1106
01:00:22,619 --> 01:00:25,455
Can't you tell by the walk,
that cowboy walk?

1107
01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:32,378
One of them old men that walk like this
will fuck the shit out of you.

1108
01:00:33,171 --> 01:00:36,633
"Come here, young lady,
I wanna talk to you."

1109
01:00:44,140 --> 01:00:46,934
When you young, you don't know
who fucked your mama.

1110
01:00:48,311 --> 01:00:50,355
There'll be men,
"How's your mother doin'?"

1111
01:00:50,438 --> 01:00:52,732
"How the fuck do
you know my mother from?"

1112
01:00:53,816 --> 01:00:55,943
"Tell her Wayne said hello."

1113
01:00:57,612 --> 01:00:59,238
"Fuck you, Wayne!"

1114
01:01:02,533 --> 01:01:04,327
There's a lot of jealous men in here.

1115
01:01:04,410 --> 01:01:07,747
Ladies, don't date no jealous man,
you know what I mean? Shit.

1116
01:01:07,830 --> 01:01:11,709
Especially one of them men you be walkin'
with, and some dude say something to you,

1117
01:01:11,793 --> 01:01:12,835
and you hear, "Hey, hold up for a minute.

1118
01:01:12,919 --> 01:01:14,796
Hey, man, where you know
my woman from?"

1119
01:01:15,838 --> 01:01:17,215
"Well, we went to school together."

1120
01:01:17,298 --> 01:01:18,966
"Well, y'all ain't
in school no more, nigga!

1121
01:01:19,884 --> 01:01:21,928
-Get in the car.
-[banging noise]

1122
01:01:22,011 --> 01:01:23,930
-Get.
-[banging noise]

1123
01:01:24,013 --> 01:01:25,181
Get in the car.

1124
01:01:25,515 --> 01:01:26,599
Get in the car."

1125
01:01:28,184 --> 01:01:31,729
Now you hit the wrong woman that got
brothers, they gonna whoop yo' ass.

1126
01:01:32,355 --> 01:01:35,566
-They comin' over the next day.
-[knocking noise]

1127
01:01:35,733 --> 01:01:38,986
[mic stops working]

1128
01:01:50,748 --> 01:01:53,459
I seen a white man coming, I said, "Ah!

1129
01:01:53,543 --> 01:01:55,545
I'm going to jail!"

1130
01:01:56,254 --> 01:01:58,256
It's a white man!

1131
01:02:01,884 --> 01:02:05,179
It's these little Peter Pan boots
I got on right here.

1132
01:02:08,141 --> 01:02:10,518
[sing-song voice] Peter Pan!

1133
01:02:13,271 --> 01:02:16,357
I'm getting old now,
and I eat about five Tums a day.

1134
01:02:18,025 --> 01:02:21,696
I eat 'em like candy, I'm like,
"Hey, how you doin'? Argh."

1135
01:02:24,365 --> 01:02:26,367
Everything I eat burn.

1136
01:02:28,119 --> 01:02:29,036
Even pussy.

1137
01:02:29,120 --> 01:02:32,290
I was, "Ahh. I need a Tums."

1138
01:02:33,791 --> 01:02:37,420
I got a buddy, he got shot in the
stomach, he got a shit bag on, you know.

1139
01:02:37,879 --> 01:02:41,257
Yeah, he had a shit bag on,
but he still kept livin'.

1140
01:02:41,924 --> 01:02:43,384
But the nigga taught karate.

1141
01:02:43,468 --> 01:02:45,428
The nigga was a karate instructor.

1142
01:02:46,137 --> 01:02:48,931
I said, "You gotta take off work, man.
You're walkin' around with a shit bag."

1143
01:02:49,015 --> 01:02:50,933
He said,
"No, I gotta keep teachin' karate!"

1144
01:02:51,934 --> 01:02:56,105
Anyway, somebody did jump up did a
roundhouse and kicked the bag, "bam!"

1145
01:02:56,731 --> 01:02:59,901
Bag just splattered
all in the karate place.

1146
01:03:04,030 --> 01:03:07,033
Now the word is, "Big Tony got the shit
kicked out of him the other day

1147
01:03:07,116 --> 01:03:08,618
at the karate place."

1148
01:03:13,414 --> 01:03:17,084
Yeah, we in Los Angeles,
home of the Bloods and the Crips.

1149
01:03:18,085 --> 01:03:20,546
Gas so high, they ridin' together now.

1150
01:03:26,135 --> 01:03:28,888
"Go on, get out, cuz, get the gas,
get the gas!"

1151
01:03:30,640 --> 01:03:31,933
Shit. Yeah.

1152
01:03:32,016 --> 01:03:35,228
This motherfucker talked me into putting
this tight-ass wallet on tonight.

1153
01:03:38,773 --> 01:03:41,984
That's why them old men wear these pants,
'cause they dick print show.

1154
01:03:43,277 --> 01:03:46,113
And that's what women look for,
they bank roll and they dick print.

1155
01:03:48,825 --> 01:03:51,953
Yeah, I know y'all be seein' me
in the comedy thing, you know.

1156
01:03:52,036 --> 01:03:53,621
White people don't know me like that,
you know,

1157
01:03:53,704 --> 01:03:56,833
but niggas know me by Day-Day.
I don't give a fuck where I go.

1158
01:03:56,916 --> 01:03:59,460
"Day-Day." I'm like,
"Hey, nigga."

1159
01:04:00,169 --> 01:04:01,254
"Day-Day!"

1160
01:04:02,839 --> 01:04:06,884
I remember when I did my first movie,
I bought my mother a washer and dryer.

1161
01:04:07,718 --> 01:04:08,553
Yeah.

1162
01:04:08,636 --> 01:04:09,762
I tried to buy her a house.

1163
01:04:09,846 --> 01:04:12,431
She said, "No, you ain't fittin' to fuck
my little social security up

1164
01:04:12,515 --> 01:04:13,891
that I get every month.

1165
01:04:14,433 --> 01:04:17,520
You ain't gonna fuck my little
700 up that I get."

1166
01:04:19,480 --> 01:04:23,818
I said, "Mama, fuck them people and their
700." She said, "No, fuck your 700.

1167
01:04:24,735 --> 01:04:27,405
You don't fuck my little security up
that I do."

1168
01:04:28,489 --> 01:04:31,450
That's why I tell young women
all the time, "Don't fuck for free."

1169
01:04:32,493 --> 01:04:34,829
You ever fell in love with a nigga
and you out here fuckin' for free?

1170
01:04:34,912 --> 01:04:36,247
Don't fuck for free.

1171
01:04:36,372 --> 01:04:39,250
I ain't tellin' you to be a ho,
but don't fuck for free.

1172
01:04:41,544 --> 01:04:43,880
Them older women, if they give you
some of that old cat,

1173
01:04:43,963 --> 01:04:45,756
they gonna get some money
out of you.

1174
01:04:46,340 --> 01:04:50,761
Yeah, they done put that old cat on you
and put a pot roast on with some muffins.

1175
01:04:51,929 --> 01:04:54,056
You didn't watch Netflix?

1176
01:04:54,140 --> 01:04:57,143
You gonna give some money up out of there,
that's a package.

1177
01:04:58,603 --> 01:05:01,564
Soon as you come out that bathroom,
that old lady catch you in the hallway,

1178
01:05:01,647 --> 01:05:05,484
"I was wonderin' since it seem like
you had a nice time tonight,

1179
01:05:05,568 --> 01:05:08,696
that you would have it on your heart
to lay a few dollars on me,

1180
01:05:08,779 --> 01:05:11,115
so that I could get my hair done,
and nails,

1181
01:05:11,198 --> 01:05:14,076
and a few things
that I like to do for myself."

1182
01:05:14,744 --> 01:05:17,079
How you gonna tell this bitch no?
"Here, Mildred.

1183
01:05:17,163 --> 01:05:19,457
Take this motherfuckin' $500."

1184
01:05:19,832 --> 01:05:22,835
I'm Mike Epps. I love y'all, L.A.
You know what I'm saying?

1185
01:05:25,504 --> 01:05:27,924
Come on out, y'all, come on out,
Guy Torry.

1186
01:05:29,425 --> 01:05:31,761
Yeah.
One more time for everybody, y'all.

1187
01:05:31,844 --> 01:05:32,720
Come on, now.

1188
01:05:37,683 --> 01:05:39,810
I told y'all, it's a motherfuckin' family
reunion, y'all.

1189
01:05:39,894 --> 01:05:42,438
Make some motherfuckin' noise,
one time.

1190
01:05:49,320 --> 01:05:50,988
Hope y'all had a good time tonight.

1191
01:05:51,697 --> 01:05:53,449
Thank y'all for rockin' with us.

1192
01:05:54,241 --> 01:05:58,579
Katt Williams, DeRay Davis,
Melanie Comarcho,

1193
01:05:58,663 --> 01:06:02,625
Guy Torry, Donnell Rawlings,
and Mike Epps.

1194
01:06:03,000 --> 01:06:07,213
Snoop Dogg Netflix
<i>Fuckin' Around Comedy Special</i>,

1195
01:06:07,296 --> 01:06:09,340
you better ask somebody.

1196
01:06:09,423 --> 01:06:11,008
Hello!

1197
01:06:11,092 --> 01:06:13,928
<i>♪ Oh, baby, please</i>
<i>Don't ever leave me ♪</i>

1198
01:06:14,011 --> 01:06:17,181
♪ <i>Just stick with me, mama</i>
<i>Put your hand in mine </i>♪

1199
01:06:17,264 --> 01:06:19,725
♪ <i>We can be together</i>
<i>through love and shelter </i>♪

1200
01:06:19,809 --> 01:06:23,396
♪ <i>Our very last dime or last</i>
<i>meal or last sip of wine </i>♪

1201
01:06:23,479 --> 01:06:27,066
♪ <i>Oooh, ooh ooh </i>♪

1202
01:06:27,316 --> 01:06:31,654
♪ <i>Yes, we can </i>♪

1203
01:06:31,821 --> 01:06:33,948
♪ <i>Come on, baby</i>
<i>(Put your hand in mine) </i>♪

1204
01:06:34,031 --> 01:06:37,451
♪ <i>We share a good thing together </i>♪

1205
01:06:37,535 --> 01:06:42,123
♪ <i>Come on, baby</i>
<i>(Put your hand in mine, girl) </i>♪

1206
01:06:46,293 --> 01:06:49,046
♪ <i>Together we can make</i>
<i>this journey </i>♪

1207
01:06:51,966 --> 01:06:55,302
♪ <i>Together we can make this journey </i>♪

1208
01:06:57,680 --> 01:07:00,766
♪ <i>Together we can make this journey </i>♪

1209
01:07:03,728 --> 01:07:06,605
♪ <i>Together we can make this journey </i>♪

1210
01:07:12,361 --> 01:07:16,490
♪ <i>Alright</i>
<i>It's gonna be alright... </i>♪