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Cameras are rolling anytime that you're ready.
How you feeling?
I'm nervous.
Don't be nervous.
I just saw your little picture and I wanted to start boohooing.
So here we are on my porch in Maui.
Maui. Thank you for being here in our happy place.
-Oh, thank you for having me. -Thank you for joining me.
I know we've known each other for a number of years.
We've had other interviews, but I have to tell you
when I read this book…
something happened inside me.
I… I thought, "Wow!"
What a wonder.
What, um… what… what an incredible life
that you have manifested for yourself,
that you have used the strength,
that you have used the power that I don't even know where you got it.
When I finished the, not even the first chapter,
when I finished the first paragraph, 'cause you know how you open a book…
Yeah.
…with the first words.
I was calling everybody I know to say
we must choose this as a book club
to have as many people in the world read it as possible.
What was it about this time
that you were ready to expose this level of truth about yourself?
That is my most frightening question.
Could I say that, Oprah?
I believed that I was having a bad existential crisis.
That's what I believe.
Um, I wrote the… really wrote the book during the pandemic.
But existential crisis, meaning that crisis of meaning.
-What's my meaning? -Uh-huh.
How do I connect to the world feeling very disconnected, very isolated.
And was it the pandemic that had made you feel that way?
-I think the pandemic, um, exacerbated it. -Exacerbated it. Yeah.
I think before that time,
what's happened with me over the last probably 12, 13 years
is the ascension to a level of fame.
-I think it's safe to say. -Mm-hmm.
And the feeling that once I hit it and once I got on top,
that somehow my life was going to open up.
All of a sudden,
it would be some sort of feeling
where, uh… that I have arrived,
that I know the meaning of my life,
and the heavens were gonna open up,
and God was gonna sing,
and that's it.
Shrewd.
-Where's my Coke? -"Ma Rainey's Black Bottom" boys.
Where's my Coke? I need a Coke. Hot as it is. Shoot.
Vulnerable.
-Throw the priest out then. -I am trying to do just that.
Then what do you want from me?
Fierce.
I gave 18 years of my life to stand in the same spot as you!
These are just a few of the portraits
in Viola Davis' collection
of astonishing portrayals.
They don't care nothin' about me.
All they want
is my voice.
One win and four nominations
makes Viola the most celebrated black actress in Oscar history.
I became an artist, and thank God I did,
because we are the only profession
that celebrates what it means to live a life.
Her Emmy-winning turn as Annalise Keating
in Shonda Rhimes' How to Get Away with Murder…
That's what it costs to change the world.
…is a role Viola describes as powerful, liberating, and life-changing.
So who wants in?
Viola's first love, the theater,
has awarded her two Tonys,
both for plays by the legendary playwright August Wilson.
I was born into a certain circumstance where I couldn't see it with my eyes,
I couldn't touch it with my hands,
and so I had to believe it in my heart.
And I would live the rest of my life in joy and peace…
Mm-hmm.
…and, um, sort of like, uh, Cinderella…
Mm-hmm.
…when Prince Charming comes in, and that didn't happen.
What happened was excitement at first
and then the feeling of exhaustion,
the feeling of really, um… um, impostors in my life
in terms of friendships,
people overstepping their boundaries,
people feeling like I was a commodity.
Um, pressure.
Mm-hmm.
The pressure of unseen responsibility.
All I know is it wasn't it.
Then the question is, "So, Viola, what is it?"
Mm.
What is it?
Mm-hmm.
What's home to you?
And how do you get at it?
And I didn't know the answer to that.
The only thing I could think to do
was to go back to the beginning of my story
because I think that once you tell your story over and over again,
you start to hear it,
and you start to think, "Okay. How did I get here?"
Mm-hmm.
And what it does,
what it emphasizes is you go back to the purest form of Viola.
Wow, I know--
And you find out, she helps you define
what it is that you would call home.
You go back to this.
-Yeah. -You go back to this.
Yeah.
I mean, that's how I knew in the first paragraph,
this is a book that everyone should read.
Well, I knew, like anything,
that when you start a book is it's sort of like a salutation.
-Yes. Yes. -And you say, "Hi. How are you?"
-You know? So…
-So you did. -I did. I had to introduce me.
And me is always that little girl, eight years-old, third grade,
who would wait at the back door during dismissal.
And as soon as that bell rang,
I just ran over people.
I was pretty tough.
I ran over everyone so I can run home
because I knew the same eight to nine boys were going to be chasing me,
calling me Black, ugly nigger,
and they would pick up anything they could find on the side of the road,
bricks, sticks, anything.
And the vitriol that would be thrown at me.
Um, and the level of hatred
when they were saying those words of Black, ugly nigger.
And, um… and I would run, run, run, run, run.
-And I would chuck the finger. -Mm-hmm.
I would say all the cuss words
and, um…
But that really is the memory that defined me.
Because what I always say is that I thought I was really, really slick.
I was tough, brought a crocheting needle to school.
Threatened them at one point, got them to stop running after me,
but I always say
that I never stopped running.
My feet just stopped moving.
Wow.
But as I went through my life,
as much as I tried to put on that mask of bravery,
of confidence,
of being that sort of boss woman that people talk about,
of you don't let anyone see you, uh, sweat.
You know, if you wanna climb the ladder,
you gotta believe in yourself, girl.
So I put all the language and the mask of that on,
but inside, absolutely, was the damaged little girl
that I left in Central Falls
who really, really believed that she was ugly.
That she was
not enough.
That's what defined me more than anything else.
-I wish it were a different story. I do. -Mm-hmm.
But it was so powerful,
and you know with girls--
Do you wish it now was a different story, or are you like…
Maya used to say, "I wouldn't take nothing from my journey now."
Are you now at a stage where,
because of that little girl
and because of the terrorization that you experienced on all levels,
that you recognized that's why you are who you are?
Yes. I do.
I do recognize it.
Yeah. That without that, there wouldn't be this.
Absolutely.
I… I do recognize it.
I do believe that your life is sort of a dying of self.
Mm-hmm.
I do. In… in the same way that a phoenix rises out of the ashes, right?
And I do believe that it's a part of your journey and finding yourself
is going to these caves of trauma and vitriol
and all of those things.
And somehow in the midst of that, it's like Joseph Campbell says,
as you go down this path of transformation
of really trying to become your ideal self…
Right.
…you're gonna meet the part of yourself that you don't wanna be.
You're gonna see all of your flaws.
You're gonna see all the things that cause you pain.
Mm-hmm.
You're not gonna see God,
you're gonna see you.
And then you hope that…
…I think that I have it in the first paragraph,
that, you know, when you meet that self that you no longer wanna be,
you have two choices at that point.
You can just stay there
and be swallowed,
or you can move on.
I choose to move on.
I didn't want to be swallowed,
and I made that decision at 28, 29 when I went into therapy
that I wanted to be different.
Tell me about your parents, Dan and May Alice.
-Not Mary Alice. Not Mary. -Dan and May Alice. Not Mary Alice.
I love, love, love, love my parents.
-My daddy and mama, you call 'em? -Yeah, my mama and daddy. I loved.
During her childhood, Viola describes her father, Dan Davis,
as strict and violent, but also the first man who loved me.
Viola writes that her father, because of his circumstances,
had a 5th-grade education
and ran away from an abusive home at age 15.
He worked most of his life as a horse groomer.
Viola calls her mother, May Alice, loyal,
a self-sacrificer, and a maternal warrior.
May Alice was raised on a plantation in South Carolina
and gave birth to Viola there.
Her mother worked in factories and as a maid,
and fought for welfare reform in the 1970s.
Viola's parents were challenged by racism, poverty, addiction, and abuse,
but stayed married for 48 years until Dan Davis's death at age 70.
They raised Viola and her five siblings together in Central Falls, Rhode Island.
But it was just a life of abject poverty.
It was a life of deprivation.
That… that's what it was. A life of deprivation.
-Yeah. -No food…
I thought I grew up poor, Viola, until I read your story.
-Yeah. Po'. -So I will now say, "Hello."
-Po'. -"I bow to po'." Okay?
-I grew up poor.
I was not po'.
You… you were--
And you know what how people say…
many people say, "I grew up poor and I didn't know it"?
You all knew it.
Yep. Absolutely.
-I say we knew we were po'. -Yeah.
You know, the plaster coming off the walls,
and, um, always being hungry.
-This is not fun-- -In cold Rhode Island.
Freezing, plumbing never working.
You know, you had to fill the bucket of water
to put in the toilet to flush it.
Never having a phone.
And, um, wetting the bed.
-I was a serious bed-wetter. -Hmm.
Most of the furniture…
We… we got some furniture on the side of the road.
Most of the furniture from Salvation Army.
-Um… -You were a bed-wetter until you were 14.
Fourteen.
An apartment, one of our first apartments,
infested with rats.
An infestation.
I mean, at night you had to put your hands over your ears,
so you couldn't hear them eating the pigeons on the roof at night.
And… and listening to them eat your toys at night
and jump on top of you in the bed.
This is the line that got me. I'm gonna stop with the jump…
I wanna interrupt the "jump on top of me in bed," 'cause just the thought of that…
But this is what got me.
And I… I remember so vividly thinking,
I've read a lot of novels,
a lot of… a lot of memoirs, a lot of history.
I mean, not even Pecola Breedlove in The Bluest Eye.
Pecola Breedlove is pretty hard.
Pretty hard, but not even Pecola Breedlove had--
"There were several fires and the building soon became infested with rats."
"In fact, the rats were so bad, they ate the faces off my dolls."
"I never, ever went into the kitchen."
"Rats had taken over the cabinets and the counter."
"The plaster was constantly falling off the wall,
revealing the wooden boards holding the house together."
I remember growing up in a flat, you know, on welfare with my mother
too afraid to go into the kitchen at night
'cause they would come out from behind the refrigerator and the cabinets.
-Yes. -Yes.
Absolutely. And then my sister, uh, Diane, um…
She was reading stories of rats eating babies in Harlem in the cribs.
So then… then she told it to us,
and then we felt like we had to wrap, um, coats or shirts around our necks at night
to keep the rats from biting our necks.
And, um… and we would listen to them--
And they would jump on the bed.
They would jump on the bed and eating the…
'Cause I had a doll that had… what, um… was made of hard plastic.
-So like porcelain. -Yeah.
I had one doll like that.
-And to hear the eating of that doll.
-I mean loud. The crunching.
And then when I woke up, the entire face was gone.
-Ugh. -Yeah.
There was a shocking point in the book,
where you were talking about the violence in your home.
And there was a seminal moment
when your father was beating on your mother,
and you tried to stand between them.
And he had taken a glass and had cut her in the face.
-Yeah. -Describe that moment.
Put us in the story.
Yes. It was a particularly violent fight when my father said,
"I'm gonna… I'm gonna bust your head open May Alice."
And I had my baby sister in my hand,
and, um, I was so terrified.
It just got really heated,
and he finally… he smashed her head with the… with the glass.
-Oh. -And the blood came spurting out.
And by that point, my fear, um…
my fear had… had taken over,
and I just remember screaming, "Stop it!"
"Just stop!"
"Give me the glass!"
And I can't tell you, it's sort of like, um…
I don't know, coming face-to-face with a giant.
Coming face-to-face with your fear.
This is my father.
And, first of all, you never told Dan Davis what to do.
-Right. -'Cause…
-Also-- -…I was terrified.
We grew up in the… in the era
where you don't talk back to your parents anyway.
-At all. -At all.
So here I was doing the unnatural thing,
which is telling a parent to stop doing something
that he should not have been doing.
And I can't tell you that… how much it cost me something
to step outside and this--
Everybody,
especially at 14…
…you need a parent.
Yes. Yes.
You need a guide. That person with, sort of, that lamp.
-Right. -That proverbial lamp.
That's gonna take you down darkened paths,
and gonna teach you something about navigating life,
even though, you know, you're still gonna face some crap in life.
Yeah.
But someone to show you how to do what they did.
Yeah. You're not supposed to be showing them.
-No. Not at all. -Yes. Yeah.
And for me, it cost me something
to tell a parent to don't do that.
You're gonna kill my mom.
I… I wasn't…
I did not have the emotional maturity,
an… an… an engine to be able to do that.
But I found myself doing it anyway.
But the surprise of that now,
and I think I wrote it in the book, is that I had it in me.
Yeah.
I had a different sorta strength in me that maybe I couldn't see at the time…
-That's what you wrote. -…but was ever-present.
And that moment actually caused a shift in you
to realize that you did have it in you.
Yeah. I think, uh, it did.
-Like after that, a lot of things changed. -Yeah.
Fourteen was the age I decided I was gonna be an actress.
Fourteen was the age that I won a major art contest,
and I thought I was Slick Willie for doing that.
Fourteen was the age that I realized I really wanted out,
and I saw a way out.
A hole had been been blasted through this cave that I was in.
Yeah. I wanna just say to everyone
that you eventually forgave your father,
and became very close with him towards the end of his life.
And that you understood as an adult that he was dealing with his own demons
and had come from, you know, such hardship and such tragedy and such--
Literally, you know, not being seen
and… and victimized himself.
Well, they say that that's what successful therapy is.
That when the day comes when you realize
that your parents did the best they could with what they had.
And In the end you realized that he loved you.
How did you know, Viola?
Because he told me and he showed me
every single day.
Even when he would be in the car with me driving,
and I drove into a parking lot,
he would say, "Boy, that's so good, daughter."
"You such a great driver. I love you so much."
He would go to… He went to all of our plays
even if they were in New York.
-Was it hard, though, to forgive? -Yeah.
Because I remember when I was… Gayle and I were talking about your book,
and she was saying, "I just don't understand how you can forgive
when a parent has done so much damage."
Was it hard for you to forgive?
-Absolutely it was. -Mm.
It is, and it still is, I would say.
But it's a choice.
You actually use a line in here that I often use for describing,
you know, forgiveness.
That it's giving up hope that the past could've been different.
-Yeah. -And you use that line in here.
So you had reached that point
and recognize that I can't change what it was.
-Absolutely. -And so I'm just going to march forward.
Yeah. I mean, listen,
uh, y-you know…
At the end of the day, that's what we're all trying to do.
We're all trying to do the best we can with what we've been given.
-And that's it. -Mm-hmm.
We just don't have a face of what that looks like.
I think that sometimes we watch too much TV.
Mm-hmm.
And we… we want lives to be played out the same way.
A 41-minute drama is played out on Thursday night lineup--
-And it don't work that way. -And it doesn't work that way.
That everything is… becomes a, sort of, extension
to how much you're willing to accept the life that God gave you…
and how much bravery you have to forge ahead
and create the life that you actually want.
Want. Yes, ma'am.
And it becomes, you know, it's like…
My therapist told me that life is about two things.
Living life for pleasure, and gratefulness, and joy,
but also the understanding that the downtime is gonna come.
-Ugh. Yes. -And if you can, sort of…
be somewhere in the middle of that and understanding that,
then you could, sort of…
It's survivable.
For me, when I was younger, I thought I was cursed.
I was like, "Okay, um, you know, no one thinks I'm cute."
"So I don't have that."
"I'm poor. I don't have any money, any resources."
You know, I have a lot of violence in the family.
I was like, "Where's my sunlight?"
"Where is it?"
Until once again, this is the power.
I say it to people all the time.
You find people in your life who love you.
And what those people do, because they love you,
and they love all of you, even your flaws,
is they give you permission to be able to love yourself.
What do I mean by that?
Ron Stetson who said, "Don't you know, you're beautiful, Viola?"
"I've always seen you as beautiful."
"You do?"
-Okay. I wanna go to that moment. -Yep.
The first time you show up at Upward Bound,
this is an organization that's helping kids from the inner city.
I love this moment where Ron is talking about,
uh, what it means to be an actor.
And every… "Who wants to be an actor?" He asks the question.
And everybody raises their hand.
And as he continues to talk about how difficult it is to be an actor…
How many rejections you're gonna have, how hard you're gonna have to work,
how many times you get turned down.
the hands start going down, and the hands start going down,
and yours is the last hand remaining.
And you say that my dreams were bigger than my fears.
Absolutely.
I needed a dream
like I needed food and water.
Mm-hmm.
That dream wasn't just a goal.
That dream was my way out,
was my, sort of, salvation.
You know, I just wanna interrupt here to say, uh…
You know, I grew up poor.
Having read your story, I… I don't even understand,
uh, poverty like the kind you have experienced.
And what I came away from, the book,
believing is that the shame of it,
the shame of it is actually the worst.
And there is a story that you tell here
about a time where the electricity was off,
there was no gas, the pipes were frozen,
you all had all wet the bed.
Everybody is at home, you can't…
There's nowhere you can go.
And your sister, Diane, decided she was gonna go to school.
And she got up and she spit her face and wiped her face and said,
-"I'm going. How do I look?" -Mm-hmm.
And then your mother decided you all were gonna leave to go find heat.
Can you describe that moment?
I just picture all of you walking down the street in your,
you know, shoes and the holes in your shoes.
-It's Rhode Island. It's snowing and cold. -Freezing. Mm-hmm.
And the teacher, Mrs. Prosser, comes out and sees you on the road…
And says, "Mrs. Davis, Mrs. Davis, why aren't your kids in school?"
"They haven't been in school all week."
And my mom says, "We don't have no heat."
"Um, the pipes are frozen, so the water don't even come out."
"And we all really cold, and we don't have no food."
And… and then she, Mrs. Prosser,
who, once again,
you know, one of those people that gives you permission.
Yeah.
Okay. Um…
She had tears in her eyes,
and she was touching our faces,
and she said, "I'm so sorry, Mrs. Davis."
"I'm so, so sorry."
"You let us know whatever we can do, you know, for you."
"I'm so sorry."
But, you know,
Mrs. Prosser is interesting.
Mrs. Prosser would call me to her office from time to time
with a bag full of the most beautiful clothes
that were hand-me-downs from her daughter.
And she would give it to me because she knew I needed clothes,
which by the way, I was like… it was like giving me just some jewels
Mm-hmm.
When you are in the face of compassion
and empathy…
Mm-hmm.
…it's amazing how it kills shame.
Because you're seen.
And you're seen for something way more valuable than your circumstances.
Yeah.
That's why I bring her up. She saw you.
-She actually saw you. -Yeah.
I remember when, I think it was a teacher or a nurse
who had come to…
who had been assigned to speak to you about hygiene
because you were wetting the bed all the time.
So you'd come to school smelling like urine,
and she gave you this lecture about how to go home and clean up yourself,
and you did.
I think that at the end of the day, what I was looking for is love.
Yeah.
That sort of radical… power of love.
You have so many beautiful moments like that in here.
I… Do you know why I love that moment so much?
Because I-- Teachers were my saviors.
-Absolutely, my saviors. -Teachers were my saviors.
Like I said, there's power in love. It's radical.
But I can't describe, even in words,
that it was a hard, uh, story to tell
because at the same time, my sister Dolores was also called to the office.
We were both called because we smelled really bad that day.
-Mm-hmm. -And--
Could you smell yourself? Did you know you smelled?
-Yeah. -You did?
-I didn't know what to do about it. -Yeah.
You know, I think that people just automatically assume,
well, you just clean yourself.
-Mm-hmm. -Well, not if anyone doesn't show you.
Once again, going back to the Stevie Wonder song.
"Show me how to do what you do. Show me how to do it."
-No one showed me. -Mm-hmm.
And we didn't have any hot water.
A lot of times we didn't have any soap.
A lot of times we didn't even have any clean clothes.
You know, we'd wash the clothes by hand the night before,
hang them up to dry, and try not to hang them outside.
Because we'd hang them outside sometimes, but it's cold.
-So, the next day, they're icicles. -They'd freeze. Yes.
So you hang them out to dry,
and the next day, if they're not dry, they're wet.
But then if you're not clean, you're putting on wet clothes…
It's all the…
People don't realize that if no one shows you,
then you have to figure it out on your own.
And I didn't have the tools to figure it… figure it out on my own.
And then I was ashamed that I didn't have the tools to figure it out on my own.
So then all I had, all I could do was swim in the shame.
Yes. I love… There's a line that you use.
I think it's on page 89 where you talk about…
You're… People are always saying, "Just do better. Do better."
"Try harder. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps."
But hard to pull yourself up when you don't have a boot.
Absolutely.
You know it's… it's… it's the vision of what you want in your life.
Right? The… Or the discovery of what you wanna do.
It's a vision of where you wanna end up,
but there's this whole part in between of how to get there.
Hmm.
That whole journey of someone who gives you that rope,
that… that… that sword,
that, you know,
that knife, whatever.
That whole in between is what you have to figure out.
And that was the thing that became rickety.
That I wanted someone to help me figure it out.
Yeah.
And In the midst of all this,
there's also sexual abuse going on in the home.
There's nothing that didn't happen.
-You had sexual abuse. -Yeah.
Violence going on in the home.
You have the tyranny of colorism, sexism, racism.
I was so struck by the fact that your mother's story
that she only went to the 8th grade because she was beaten in school
by the light-skinned teacher for not being light enough.
Mm-hmm.
And that the same thing happened to your sister Diane
when she was in South Carolina.
Beaten by the teachers for not being light enough.
Beaten by Black teachers in a segregated school
for not being light enough.
Absolutely.
You know, I think that…
…failure and hardship is an interesting learning tool.
Because I think that once you hit bottom,
then you either stay there or you figure out how to rise up.
Mm-hmm.
And I think that that's what happened with all of us.
Even my sister Diane back in the day,
and my mom, that you either survive or you don't.
The sisters, you all were your own little army.
Mm-hmm.
Where would you be without your sisters?
-Yeah. -You said you all were your own platoon.
-Yes. Absolutely. -Yeah. Yeah.
And on page 75, you write this about your sisters.
You say, "Some battles we won,
survived together and emerged with laughter and perspective,
and some brutal ones, sexual abuse, we lost."
"Sexual abuse back in the day didn't even have a name."
No, it didn't.
It's just, you know, that dirty old man on the street,
you know, who wanted to give you a quarter, but then wanted a kiss.
Mm-hmm.
No one knows what boundaries are with little girls,
especially back in the day.
So, if a… a guy said, you know, "Give me a kiss."
Someone said, "Oh, give him a kiss. It's not a big deal."
Or someone leaves you with a male babysitter
because that male babysitter is a friend of the family.
And then your parents go out and they leave you alone.
They don't think anything of it.
You know, we didn't have social media back in the day
where people would talk about statistics of how many girls are molested--
That's right. Wasn't even… wasn't even… wasn't even a word for it.
But I think what you've done in this book
is revealed a part of yourself that is really a part of us all.
Yeah.
Every person who's struggling for self-love,
and I just so appreciate you being honest enough to be able to say
that when you were first on stage,
and you would get the adulation and the applause,
and the people saying, "I'm so moved by what you've done and what you acted,"
that you…
At first, you are satiated by that, for a moment,
but then you come to recognize that that really has nothing to do with self-love,
and actually begins to create this feeling of being an impostor.
Absolutely.
You feel, first of all, you feel an impostor in your work.
I didn't wanna feel the impostor in my life.
I would think this book is my gift to others.
Yes.
I felt like it was, uh… it was a sort of…
It was a gift to yourself.
It was a releasing for yourself, but… and in that releasing,
all the other people are gonna be so served by this story.
-I hope so. -Yeah.
It's my way of owning my story.
It's my way of not, sort of, sweeping it under the rug
and creating this other image of me
because I feel like in creating this different image,
it's proving to those boys that I actually was all those things…
That they tried to call you.
-Absolutely. -That they called you.
Or tried to make you believe.
And that you believed for such a long time.
Yes. Yeah.
I would have to say what I came away from Finding Me,
thinking I dis-- discovered anew about you
is that you have this indomitable courage.
It's courage.
You know Maya used to always say,
"Courage is the most important of the virtues
because without it, you cannot practice anything."
And in here, Finding Me, you talk about courage is the real cure.
So there was a… there was a point in your life
where you had decided that you were just gonna be a teacher,
and you were not gonna act, even though you loved it… you loved it.
And share with everyone how you started to feel depressed.
There was a sadness that came over you
because you were not doing the thing that you knew you needed to do.
Yeah, when I went to college, when I first entered college,
um, I said I can't major in theater.
That is not a profession that can pay the bills.
And I really needed to pay my bills.
-Yeah. -'Cause I did not wanna be on welfare.
I wanted to not be what my… what I felt my parents were.
Yeah.
And so then I fell into a great depression
in denying that creative spirit in me
until I think my sister Dolores said,
"Why aren't you majoring in theater, Viola?"
And I said, "Because I can't make any money doing that, Dolores."
She said, "But that's what you love to do. That's who you are."
And, you know, what you begin to understand
is that whole Anne Lamott quote, which is,
"All courage is, is fear said with prayers."
Mm.
That…
I understood that the fear was not gonna go away.
That, "Viola, there is a huge chance
that maybe it's not gonna land, and it's not gonna work,
but dangonnit, it's worth the try."
Dangonnit.
-You know? -Yes.
Yeah.
Viola electrified the stages of Rhode Island College,
graduating in 1988 with a degree in theater.
Because she could only afford just one application fee for graduate school,
she auditioned for one of the most prestigious programs,
Juilliard, and got in.
Three years after graduating from Juilliard,
Viola made her Broadway debut in August Wilson's, Seven Guitars.
Her rave reviews put her on the next path to television and movies.
What's your name?
It's got nothing to do with me, but that offer, he was a part of it.
When did you realize, Viola,
that being on stage or acting was the path to healing for you?
Oh, the minute I started doing it.
The minute I did the first skit when I was nine years old, I realized
it had the ability to heal me.
All the things I couldn't express in my life,
if I expressed it on stage would be celebrated.
Mm.
You play a character who's a runaway
who has trauma from parents,
and you expressed all of that onstage in a way that was honest and truthful,
then the audience celebrates it.
They celebrate seeing that level of humanity,
and you can't express that in your real life.
Oh, you can, but you risk being shamed.
So from the moment I started doing skits,
I felt like whatever I can't express in my life,
I could do it in a character.
Mm.
I wanna just rip open what it means to be a human being
and show it to you in all its ugliness, beauty, contradictions, and complexity.
In that way, I think that's what saved my life.
That's what healed me.
It was my conduit of being able to take all the trauma, all the spew, everything,
and feed it through that vacuum of these characters
and give it to you.
Re-- recreated.
'Cause one of the things that you say is that,
"I'm not here…"
"I-I'm not here to create some fantasy."
Your job, as you see it as an actor, is to show us to ourselves.
-Absolutely. -Yeah.
Absolutely.
-And not the politically correct self. -Yeah.
Don’t you think it ever crossed my mind to want to know other men?
That I wanted to lay up somewhere and forget about my responsibilities?
That I wanted someone to make me laugh so I can feel good?
Those stories that nobody wants to tell.
But I held on to you, Troy.
I took all my feelings, my wants and needs and dreams,
and I buried them inside you…
You know--
That's why you let snot run with Rose, when the snot was running.
That's why when the snot was running in Fences you just say,
"That's what's happening with Rose. I'm gonna let it roll." Right?
Absolutely. I think everybody moves through life fighting to be seen.
Sometimes even by themselves, to themselves.
And the bravery for an actor is to look at a moment.
I did it with How To Get Away With Murder.
I said, "Listen,
I'm getting ready for bed."
"My husband is cheating on me."
-I mean, it's a melodrama. Right? -Yes.
So I can make a choice in this moment
of doing the TV thing,
which is to keep my beautiful hair weave and wig and my makeup
and just turn around and give him that one-line zinger,
or I can inject something in here.
Something that every woman who's sitting there on their couch
with the retainers, and their rollers, and no makeup--
-In our socks. Yeah. -And, you know, in socks…
can look at this and somehow feel some level of connection to this story.
So let me take the wig off.
Let me take the makeup off because in doing that,
what I'm presenting you with is not the character of Annalise,
but the woman that is Annalise.
Wow.
And I read that it was you who insisted that that happen in that scene.
-Yes, it was. -Yes.
What you wrote is, "Annalise Keating released in me the obstacles blocking me
from realizing my worth and power as a woman."
"If I were to mark the first time I fully used my voice,
it was in How to Get Away with Murder."
"That role liberated me."
What was it about Annalise that helped you step into your full power?
Because she was all the things that people said, not only I wasn't,
but people who look like me weren't.
You're not sexual.
No one's gonna find you attractive.
You're probably not having sex
'cause who would wanna… who would, um, desire you?
This was happening… this was nine years ago.
So people were saying that nine years ago?
Absolutely. I always…
Yes, they were.
And…
And that's why it was liberating because it absolutely is not true.
Listen,
just a fantasy of mine,
that there is any number of people who are sitting at home
waiting to be a part of the story.
To see themselves.
To feel some level of validation.
And I felt that Annalise was a perfect way for me to be able to do that.
Okay. I wanna get to… to Julius because he's such a…
has been such a…
He changed your whole life. Everything changed.
So let's get to the story where you…
You were talking to a friend and you said,
"I can't believe I… I keep running into all these assholes."
And she said, "Well, maybe you should look at yourself."
-Yeah. -Right?
And then you had a friend who told you to go home and pray for who you wanted.
-Mm-hmm. -The kind of man you wanted.
And you actually got on your knees and you asked God for…
A big Black man. I said because he said,
"Viola, even…
He said, "Even the vacuous stuff. Just put it all in there."
"Looks, everything."
I said, "Really? With God? I got to tell him that."
He's like, "Yes. You gotta put it all out there."
He was like, "Be careful."
And I went I got on my knees,
and I did.
I said, "I want a big Black man from the south
who's probably been married before, has kids,
'cause I don't want any pressure in that department.
Someone who's maybe been an actor who understands the artistic community.
Someone who goes to church and loves God.
I said, "If you give me that, I'll start going to church, God."
"I really will."
"I… I'm… I'm committed to it."
And then I signed off just like writing a letter.
And three and a half weeks later, I met Julius from Texas.
Ex-football player, 'cause actually that's one of the things I put on--
-You asked for a football player. -A football player. Athlete.
Ex- football player, been married.
Raised his children on his own.
Was an actor.
Invited me to church.
And, um,
I thought to myself,
"Whoa."
Did you know immediately that he is what you'd prayed for?
-Yeah! -You did?
I went home. I was amazed.
I started calling.
Especially… My friend Patrice, especially.
I said, "Patrice."
"I met a man."
And she said, "Girl no." I said, "Yeah."
"I really think I met somebody."
And then I made the connection with her too. I told her everything.
I was shocked. Sort of like magic.
Um, yeah.
Your life hasn't been the same
since the two of you actually became bonded together.
It has not been the same.
That's why this book is so important.
I called up Gayle. I go, "You need to do what Viola did."
"You need to get down on your knees."
"You need to pray and ask for what you want."
But also looking for the kind of life he has led before you.
I was in therapy at the time, and I remember my therapist just saying,
"Viola, find someone who loves you."
"Just find someone who loves you."
And I remember saying that to Julius too.
"I'm just looking for someone
who'd just lay down their life for me, that loves me."
He's like, "I love you."
And I remember we both stopped, and I looked at him, and he looked at me.
-Aw. -You know?
He was like, "I'm all those things, V. I am."
And then we… we made something to eat like we'd usually do.
You say there are moments in your life that absolutely live up to the hype.
And one of those moments certainly was the adoption of Genesis.
How did it change you as a woman?
In 2011, Viola and her husband, Julius,
adopted a baby girl who was living in foster care
in Viola's home state of Rhode Island.
They named her "Genesis."
Today Genesis is 11.
Oh man, Genesis.
You know, to live for something bigger than yourself.
I mean, that's what it was.
The first time she looked at me and squeezed me
and made me believe that I could be her mom,
and I could mother her and…
And that, sort of, just really pure love that only children can give you.
Mm-hmm.
And I'll tell you one thing.
All of the tools you need to raise a little girl,
the affirmations, all those things,
while you're doing that, you're healing yourself.
Yeah. My next question is,
how have you navigated raising a daughter
when you never got what you needed
when you were being raised?
It's my opportunity to be able to do that.
And so does it feel like giving that back to yourself?
-Absolutely. -Yes.
Little Viola is always running around.
Mm-hmm.
You know, sort of guiding me.
Yeah. And also Genesis being very different from who I am
is helping me also see myself in a different way.
You wrote this on social media about your own mother, May Alice.
You said, "This is the woman who birthed me, loves me, and would die for me."
"Our bond runs deeper than anything man-made or given."
"No one can love you like your mama loves you."
"Not even the love of your life."
So what did you learn from your own mother
that you have now been able to pass on and transfer to Genesis?
Number one, that I believe my mom did the best she could with what she knew.
Mm.
And also,
my mom is very smart.
My mom sees people and she sees through people.
Oh, she could read them, right? She's one who can read them.
-Yeah. -She could read 'em. Yeah.
I appreciate that.
Yeah. When I talk to you about Ma Rainey's Black Bottom,
You said, one of the ways you go into examining a character,
one of the many ways,
is by asking, "What is this character living for?"
Yeah.
So I end our conversation today with,
what are you, Viola Davis, now living for?
First of all, I'm living for my peace and my joy.
Mm.
I am.
I wanna be happy in my life.
And I know happiness is a journey.
It's not a destination.
I know it's speckled with bad,
but I wanna feel some level of peace and joy in my life.
Absolutely.
To help people to live better.
Absolutely.
You have done that.
In finding yourself, you've helped all of us
who hear your story, who read your story,
who see you be the light you are…
-Thank you. -…find a part of ourselves.
And I thank you so much.
I'm so excited for people to read Finding Me.
It is astonishing
what you have been able to endure.
And for us to see you to come into this other side of yourself,
makes it possible for us to believe it's possible for ourselves.
So, thank you.
-Thank you, Oprah. -Thank you, Viola.
I just wanna say to you all, Finding Me is available on April 26th,
wherever books are sold.
And the audio book too.
Viola in her world-famous Viola voice…
…reads her own story that you all need to hear.
So I hope you'll get a book.
And when you get it, buy one for a friend,
'cause you're gonna want to talk about it with a friend.
That's what I did with Gayle.
I got it, and then Gayle's like, "Well, send me a copy."
So get it, and then get one for a friend.
Yeah. Thank you.