1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:14,889 --> 00:00:16,766 (audience applauding) 4 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,936 Steve Martin: And the Oscar goes to... 5 00:00:20,019 --> 00:00:22,564 Dustin Lance Black for "Milk." 6 00:00:22,647 --> 00:00:24,816 (audience cheering) 7 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,990 I wanna, I wanna thank my mom, 8 00:00:32,073 --> 00:00:33,450 uh, who has always loved me 9 00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:36,286 for who I am even when there was pressure not to. 10 00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:37,579 But most of all, 11 00:00:37,662 --> 00:00:39,998 if Harvey had not been taken from us 30 years ago, 12 00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:41,499 I think he'd want me to say 13 00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:44,169 to all of the gay and lesbian kids out there tonight 14 00:00:44,252 --> 00:00:45,628 who have been told that they are less than 15 00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:48,214 by their churches, or by the government, 16 00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:50,800 or by their families that you are beautiful, 17 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:53,803 wonderful creatures of value. 18 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,097 And that, no matter what anyone tells you, 19 00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:57,599 God does love you 20 00:00:57,682 --> 00:00:59,434 and that very soon, I promise you, 21 00:00:59,517 --> 00:01:01,936 you will have equal rights, federally, 22 00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:04,230 across this great nation of ours. 23 00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:06,900 (applause, cheering) 24 00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:08,777 Thank you. Thank you. 25 00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:11,237 And thank you, God, for giving us Harvey Milk. 26 00:01:14,824 --> 00:01:16,659 The day after the Oscars, 27 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:19,788 I was sitting with my mom in our living room 28 00:01:19,871 --> 00:01:22,624 and I remember she just started to ask what's gonna happen now. 29 00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:24,793 And I, I said, "Well, you know, I'm not sure." 30 00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:27,045 And she said, "Mm... really? 31 00:01:27,128 --> 00:01:28,797 "Because you made a pretty big promise 32 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:32,675 up on that Academy Awards stage last night." 33 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:35,094 I said, "That's true. I did." 34 00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:38,014 And my mom said, "I raised you to know 35 00:01:38,097 --> 00:01:40,308 "that a promise is a sacred thing. 36 00:01:41,559 --> 00:01:43,728 So, what are you gonna do?" 37 00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:45,939 (light music playing) 38 00:02:07,877 --> 00:02:09,963 ♪ ♪ 39 00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:36,197 My mom was born on February 28, 1948. 40 00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:37,782 And she was the seventh 41 00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:41,327 of what would eventually be nine children to Cokie. 42 00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:43,162 And then, Cokie, my grandmother, 43 00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:46,666 she came from very difficult circumstances. 44 00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:48,585 She became an orphan 45 00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:51,004 and ended up having to go work for a relative 46 00:02:51,087 --> 00:02:53,923 and that relative treated her more like a servant. 47 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,259 And she met a young man 48 00:02:56,342 --> 00:02:58,595 who was in his teens named Victor. 49 00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:01,639 They got married and they start having children. 50 00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:03,099 They start building a family, 51 00:03:03,182 --> 00:03:05,476 living in, like, Providence, Louisiana, 52 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,437 which then, and still even today, 53 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:10,023 is considered the poorest city 54 00:03:10,106 --> 00:03:11,774 in the United States of America 55 00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:17,405 with the added honor of having the largest income disparity 56 00:03:17,488 --> 00:03:20,450 because it was deeply racist. 57 00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:22,327 Deborah Westfall: Lake Providence was 58 00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:26,414 my main introduction to segregation. 59 00:03:26,497 --> 00:03:30,251 I remember, you know, "whites only" signs. 60 00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:34,964 And there was a separate entrance to the movie theater. 61 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:38,217 Everything was very, very segregated. 62 00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:42,180 But yet, my family worked on a farm 63 00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:45,141 and they worked alongside Black and white. 64 00:03:45,224 --> 00:03:48,227 Dustin Lance Black: And Cokie and Victor, because they were so young, 65 00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:50,188 and uneducated, and broke, 66 00:03:50,271 --> 00:03:53,107 they lived in what was called a paper brick home. 67 00:03:53,191 --> 00:03:55,318 I mean, it was a shack. 68 00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:57,946 And that's what my mom was born into. 69 00:03:58,029 --> 00:03:59,948 Nannette Radovich: We lived in a small house 70 00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:04,327 with a porch and maybe, I don't know, two bedrooms? 71 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,871 It was very, very poor. 72 00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:08,581 Lynn Mosley: The more children you had, 73 00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:10,792 the more money you could make hoein' and pickin' cotton. 74 00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:12,710 They'd tell me stories about 75 00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,170 when she was ready to have a baby, 76 00:04:14,253 --> 00:04:16,172 they took all the kids out to 77 00:04:16,255 --> 00:04:17,840 a little farm shack and, you know, 78 00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:19,509 they wasn't allowed to come in the house 79 00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:21,844 till after the baby was born. 80 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,889 Dustin: Her full name on her birth certificate was Roseanna 81 00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:29,769 and this name would undergo so many transitions 82 00:04:29,852 --> 00:04:31,813 throughout my mom's life. 83 00:04:31,896 --> 00:04:33,982 It would eventually become, to some, Rose, 84 00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:35,608 which my mom didn't like. 85 00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:38,861 As she grew older, it would become Anna. 86 00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:41,656 And it would eventually, when she became an adult, 87 00:04:41,739 --> 00:04:43,783 she said, "I'm Anne 88 00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:45,952 and you'll have to deal with me." 89 00:04:48,871 --> 00:04:52,667 Reporter: This is 1949's war against infantile paralysis 90 00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:55,044 as seen in Little Rock, Arkansas. 91 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,714 This year, the enemy, poliomyelitis 92 00:04:57,797 --> 00:04:59,674 struck with such impact and fury 93 00:04:59,757 --> 00:05:01,926 that it shook the entire nation. 94 00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:04,762 There has been no escape, no immunity. 95 00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:08,558 Dustin: Polio was this new epidemic 96 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:11,352 starting in the early 20th century 97 00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:13,354 and it would come in waves. 98 00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:15,648 And these waves would create terror 99 00:05:15,732 --> 00:05:17,692 because it really lived in water, 100 00:05:17,775 --> 00:05:19,902 pools of water, dark water. 101 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:22,989 And who plays in that water, who drinks that water? 102 00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:24,449 The children. 103 00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:27,201 It was hitting children incredibly hard. 104 00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:29,537 You would get a certain percentage of people 105 00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:30,955 who would get quite ill 106 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:32,915 and then you would get that 1% 107 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:36,252 who it would start to eat away 108 00:05:36,335 --> 00:05:38,087 at their neuromuscular system 109 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:41,466 to the point that they would lose the ability to move their limbs 110 00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:44,635 and eventually, to even breathe. 111 00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:48,097 And there was no treatment, no cure. 112 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:50,933 And my mother was one of the first signs 113 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,686 that there was another wave of this epidemic 114 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:56,064 that was going to attack the South. 115 00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:58,649 Don Whitehead: The only thing that I really remember 116 00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:02,779 about the day that Anne got polio, 117 00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:07,158 she was lying on the couch that evening 118 00:06:07,241 --> 00:06:09,952 and I was sitting on one end of the couch. 119 00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:16,959 And then she started complaining about my movement 120 00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:19,796 causin' her some discomfort. 121 00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:23,758 And I thought that she was just bein' ornery. 122 00:06:23,841 --> 00:06:27,011 But my mom made me get off the couch. 123 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:28,429 And that was it. 124 00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:30,765 Next day, she was just gone 125 00:06:30,848 --> 00:06:33,726 and I did not know where she had gone. 126 00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:35,478 Dustin: When Don was sent to bed, 127 00:06:35,561 --> 00:06:37,814 Anne kept complaining about the pain 128 00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:39,565 and the discomfort and eventually, 129 00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:42,610 she was starting to lose the ability to move her toes. 130 00:06:42,693 --> 00:06:44,570 Cokie grabbed her up and found a neighbor 131 00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:46,114 who actually had a vehicle 132 00:06:46,197 --> 00:06:47,824 and they had to drive as fast as they could 133 00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:49,283 to the nearest hospital and that was 134 00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:51,410 in Vicksburg, Mississippi. 135 00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:53,204 And when they went into that hospital, 136 00:06:53,287 --> 00:06:57,125 those nurses and doctors immediately saw what this was. 137 00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:58,584 Reporter: To what figure, this, 138 00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:00,545 the worst polio epidemic in history 139 00:07:00,628 --> 00:07:03,506 will take us, we do not know. 140 00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:06,759 Dustin: My mom was in that hospital in Vicksburg for years 141 00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:10,304 because it's not like all the symptoms just came on at once. 142 00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:12,515 You would degrade and you would continue to degrade. 143 00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:14,725 And the doctors would do what they could, 144 00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:16,686 which was very little, to try and stop it 145 00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:17,812 from getting worse. 146 00:07:17,895 --> 00:07:20,606 And then something miraculous happened. 147 00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:21,899 Reporter: Once the public health service 148 00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:23,442 authorizes its release, 149 00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:24,652 the polio vaccine can begin 150 00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:26,821 to protect American youngsters. 151 00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:29,615 Dale Morgan: As soon as we was old enough, 152 00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:31,325 we had our polio vaccinations. 153 00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:34,787 At the time, that was one of the big things. 154 00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:38,166 It was almost like the coronavirus. 155 00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:40,501 Dustin: My mom always joked that Jonas Salk, 156 00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:43,045 if he had just worked a little harder and a little quicker, 157 00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:44,964 that vaccine would've been available for her, 158 00:07:45,047 --> 00:07:48,384 but that vaccine came a couple of years too late for my mom. 159 00:07:48,467 --> 00:07:52,096 It was on the horizon, but it wasn't there yet. 160 00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:57,268 By the time the disease had stopped eating away at her body, 161 00:07:57,351 --> 00:07:59,395 my mom would be immobilized, 162 00:07:59,478 --> 00:08:01,731 permanently, from the chest down. 163 00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:04,692 But, as she grew older, she realized, 164 00:08:04,775 --> 00:08:07,528 "Oh, I've got this beautiful golden hair 165 00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:09,030 and these blue eyes." 166 00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:10,698 She had been a March of Dimes girl 167 00:08:10,781 --> 00:08:12,241 on the posters and all that. 168 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:16,954 And so, she really started to learn how to flirt. 169 00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:18,706 She used her eyes 170 00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:21,209 and she did this her whole life. 171 00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:23,085 And she would just draw you in. 172 00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:27,715 And so, she became the star of the ward. 173 00:08:27,798 --> 00:08:30,092 A lot of the other kids were happy just to be able 174 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,427 to get in a wheelchair again 175 00:08:31,510 --> 00:08:33,304 and my mom was like, "Oh, no, no, no, no. 176 00:08:33,387 --> 00:08:35,848 I wanna be upright." 177 00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:38,726 So she started practicing on crutches. 178 00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:47,068 And my mother, we had one thing in common, 179 00:08:47,151 --> 00:08:50,112 we had a scar that ran across our chin. 180 00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:51,822 And I have it here from a bike wreck. 181 00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:54,659 My mom had it from constantly falling. 182 00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:56,118 Falling, falling, falling 183 00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:58,162 and they'd stitch it back together, 184 00:08:58,246 --> 00:09:00,206 say, "Come on, just get in a wheelchair." 185 00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:03,167 And my mom said, "I don't need a wheelchair, 186 00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:04,961 thank you very much." 187 00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:08,548 Which was my mom's way of saying, "Fuck you." 188 00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:11,259 Nannette: She was home some. 189 00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:14,804 I mean, mostly at holidays she was home. 190 00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:17,598 So, I remember sitting on the sofa with her. 191 00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:20,893 I remember my mother massaging her 192 00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:22,979 because they would put her on the dining room table 193 00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:26,440 and massage her legs because they thought that might help. 194 00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,484 But it didn't really help. 195 00:09:28,567 --> 00:09:31,445 She always seemed like she was very strong 196 00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:34,115 and she would want to do anything 197 00:09:34,198 --> 00:09:36,617 that she could do herself. 198 00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:39,537 Dale: The things I always remember about Roseann 199 00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:41,622 was when we would go there to visit 200 00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,874 and her comin' out there on them crutches 201 00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:45,835 with her polio. 202 00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:48,587 And I would just feel sorry for her. 203 00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:52,133 But she always had a smile on her face. 204 00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:55,511 She did not let her handicap stop her. 205 00:09:55,594 --> 00:09:59,181 Dustin: And in a way, she had started to defy the odds. 206 00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:02,184 She was getting stronger. She was falling less. 207 00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:05,730 And I think she was starting to feel a sense of hope. 208 00:10:05,813 --> 00:10:07,523 But one of the things that had begun 209 00:10:07,606 --> 00:10:09,066 happening to my mom 210 00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:12,069 was her spine had started to bend and twist. 211 00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:14,530 It was starting to look like a very severe S 212 00:10:14,613 --> 00:10:16,490 and she needed surgery 213 00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:20,870 where they inserted steel rods along your spine. 214 00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:24,707 And I remember her saying how she didn't know it was coming 215 00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:28,044 and she was wheeled into that surgery room. 216 00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:31,297 And they put in these metal rods into her back. 217 00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:33,632 And she just started to bleed out. 218 00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:36,093 They were able to sew her back up 219 00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:37,303 but she wasn't waking up. 220 00:10:37,386 --> 00:10:39,180 My mom went into a coma. 221 00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:47,563 She said there was a nurse on that ward named Willie 222 00:10:47,646 --> 00:10:50,858 and Willie was a older Black gentleman 223 00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:53,194 who had a bird that he took 224 00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:55,571 into the children's ward with him. 225 00:10:55,654 --> 00:10:58,240 The bird swore in Creole. 226 00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:02,161 And when Willie saw her lying there in the hospital in a coma, 227 00:11:02,244 --> 00:11:03,621 it broke his heart. 228 00:11:03,704 --> 00:11:06,707 So he sat with her and all she remembered 229 00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:10,628 was hearing the voice of that bird cursing. 230 00:11:10,711 --> 00:11:12,171 And she woke up. 231 00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:16,175 At this point, it was clear 232 00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:18,386 the time had come for her to be able to go home. 233 00:11:18,469 --> 00:11:21,097 From 2 years old to 15 years old, 234 00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:24,767 after all of those years in children's hospitals, 235 00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:27,061 now she was going home for good. 236 00:11:27,144 --> 00:11:29,438 In a attempt to set the expectations, 237 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,357 a nurse sat down with my mom. 238 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,609 She said, "These are the things 239 00:11:33,692 --> 00:11:35,820 "you will be able to do and won't be able to do. 240 00:11:35,903 --> 00:11:38,697 "You don't need an education. You don't need a husband. 241 00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:40,950 "And you cannot have children. 242 00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:44,537 "That is incredibly dangerous. You will die. 243 00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:45,788 "Forget that stuff. 244 00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:47,456 "What's gonna work for you 245 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:50,084 "is that the government will help support you. 246 00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:51,293 "Go home. 247 00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:53,462 "Collect the check. 248 00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:55,548 And learn to accept this." 249 00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:58,300 But I imagine she just looked her right in the eye and said, 250 00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:01,679 "Thank you very much." 251 00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:07,810 So, my mom, with this checklist in mind, 252 00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:10,938 starts to try and prove that nurse wrong. 253 00:12:11,021 --> 00:12:13,649 I mean, one of the most striking moments 254 00:12:13,732 --> 00:12:16,444 is when she sewed her own prom dress. 255 00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:17,903 She was determined to go 256 00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:20,114 and didn't care that no one had asked her. 257 00:12:20,197 --> 00:12:23,242 Sewed a beautiful light blue dress, 258 00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:25,786 tightened the corset, expanded the bottom of the dress 259 00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:28,414 so that she looked just like everybody else. 260 00:12:28,497 --> 00:12:30,958 She also, in school, started to excel 261 00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:33,169 academically, very quickly. 262 00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:36,338 And in fact, there's a letter I find really moving 263 00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:38,340 that she wrote to her father, 264 00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:40,718 who she was completely estranged from, 265 00:12:40,801 --> 00:12:42,553 saying, "Dad, guess what? 266 00:12:42,636 --> 00:12:45,639 "I got into college with a scholarship. 267 00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:49,727 Not because of my disability, because of my grades." 268 00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:52,897 And she went to university in Louisiana 269 00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:56,150 and she started to study medicine. 270 00:12:56,233 --> 00:12:59,153 My mom wanted to be a doctor. 271 00:12:59,236 --> 00:13:01,197 (cheery music playing) 272 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,407 (indistinct chatter) 273 00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:06,994 When she was in college, 274 00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:08,412 she would flirt with boys in person, 275 00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:10,498 but one of the things she figured out was 276 00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:12,124 Vietnam was goin' on. 277 00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:14,084 And so, she would do her hair perfectly, 278 00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:16,504 she would get the little picture and she would write notes 279 00:13:16,587 --> 00:13:18,547 to the soldiers in Vietnam, 280 00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:19,840 put her picture in. 281 00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:22,968 And she would get letters back. 282 00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:25,721 Deborah: In college, she had been serious 283 00:13:25,804 --> 00:13:28,682 about a man whose first name was Don. 284 00:13:28,766 --> 00:13:30,893 And his picture was on the head of the bed 285 00:13:30,976 --> 00:13:34,230 and she was writing him letters and puttin' perfume on 'em. 286 00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:36,732 She had the big rollers in her hair 287 00:13:36,815 --> 00:13:39,151 and she had makeup and I just, 288 00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:40,819 I just idolized her. 289 00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:43,197 Dustin: When he came back from Vietnam, 290 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:44,782 Don met my mom 291 00:13:44,865 --> 00:13:49,036 and he loved her and accepted her. 292 00:13:49,119 --> 00:13:52,039 But Don's mom pulled her son aside and said, 293 00:13:52,122 --> 00:13:55,918 "This young woman, as dazzling as she may be, 294 00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:58,170 "will never be able to give you the family 295 00:13:58,254 --> 00:13:59,713 that you've always wanted." 296 00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:01,257 And Don ended it. 297 00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:02,716 His mother 298 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:07,596 had convinced him that she could not give him children 299 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,557 because of her polio. 300 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:12,226 And she was absolutely heartbroken. 301 00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:14,436 Dustin: And I can almost tell you the day 302 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:17,398 because my mom's grades go from A's and B's 303 00:14:17,481 --> 00:14:21,068 to some C's and D's and F's. 304 00:14:21,151 --> 00:14:23,737 For my mom, being able to get married and have kids 305 00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:26,407 was the most impossible dream. 306 00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:29,952 And then... knock on the door 307 00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:32,746 and two of the most gloriously put-together boys 308 00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,123 you've ever seen in your life, 309 00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:35,416 "Hello, ma'am, we are here 310 00:14:35,499 --> 00:14:37,710 from the Church of Latter-day Saints." 311 00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:41,463 Two Mormon missionaries and they preached to my mom, 312 00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:44,258 "Ma'am, we'd like to tell you that one of the promises 313 00:14:44,341 --> 00:14:47,803 "that our heavenly father has made is that when you go to heaven, 314 00:14:47,886 --> 00:14:50,639 "your body will be made perfect again. 315 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:54,852 And family is forever and eternal." 316 00:14:54,935 --> 00:14:59,273 This was the ultimate dream for my mom. 317 00:14:59,356 --> 00:15:01,108 And they brought her to church 318 00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:03,736 and they introduced her to another missionary. 319 00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:06,280 And his name was Raul Garrison. 320 00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:08,449 Deborah: I remember her bringing Raul here 321 00:15:08,532 --> 00:15:12,328 to introduce him to my parents, Josie and James Mosley 322 00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:14,330 because my mother was worried about it 323 00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:16,123 'cause this was her baby sister. 324 00:15:16,206 --> 00:15:19,627 And my dad immediately hated him. 325 00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:22,838 Hated him. Because he saw through it. 326 00:15:22,921 --> 00:15:25,633 The Vietnam War was going on. 327 00:15:25,716 --> 00:15:28,302 And Raul had been on his mission 328 00:15:28,385 --> 00:15:31,180 for the Mormon church for two years 329 00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:35,142 and when that ended, he was going to be drafted. 330 00:15:35,225 --> 00:15:38,854 Oh, but if he married a handicapped woman, 331 00:15:38,937 --> 00:15:40,689 he could avoid the war. 332 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,316 And my dad saw that 333 00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:46,654 and just immediately thought he was taking advantage of her. 334 00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:49,782 Because here was someone who was determined, 335 00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:52,534 since she was a little girl, to be a doctor 336 00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:55,245 because of everything she'd been through with polio. 337 00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:59,083 And then, all of a sudden, everything is about Raul. 338 00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:02,461 She's dropped outta college after three years. 339 00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:07,257 She just gave up her career of being a doctor to be married 340 00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:08,634 and to have children. 341 00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:11,387 My mom heard all of her siblings' concerns, 342 00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:13,138 but my mom wanted love. 343 00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:14,473 My mom wanted children. 344 00:16:14,556 --> 00:16:17,059 My mom wanted this promise of Mormonism, 345 00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:18,936 this brand-new shiny religion. 346 00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:23,440 And so, when she married Raul in Garrison, 347 00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:25,943 most of the siblings didn't come. 348 00:16:26,985 --> 00:16:29,697 But my mom still plowed ahead. 349 00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:32,700 And the next day, they packed up and they left the South 350 00:16:32,783 --> 00:16:37,371 and ventured out to California, an entire new world, 351 00:16:37,454 --> 00:16:38,914 with a man who she loved, 352 00:16:38,997 --> 00:16:42,626 but most of her family did not trust. 353 00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:47,089 (light music playing) 354 00:16:58,434 --> 00:16:59,935 Now they're in Sacramento, 355 00:17:00,018 --> 00:17:02,438 Raul was struggling to pay the bills. 356 00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:05,858 Holding onto a job or getting a good-paying job was tough. 357 00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:07,568 But that wasn't my mom's focus. 358 00:17:07,651 --> 00:17:10,738 She gave up getting a doctorate to have this family. 359 00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:12,239 She wanted children badly. 360 00:17:12,322 --> 00:17:14,783 That was one of the things she was told she would never have. 361 00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,076 She was suddenly Mormon. 362 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,579 The expectation is you have lots of children. 363 00:17:18,662 --> 00:17:21,373 She was supposed to have none, medically. 364 00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:22,791 And she gets pregnant. 365 00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,461 And on April 2, 1970, 366 00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:30,674 my mother gave birth to Marcus Raul Garrison. 367 00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:32,384 And I can just see in all the pictures 368 00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:35,804 how incredibly happy she was. 369 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,473 Because she now had a child 370 00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:39,266 and survived the cesarean section 371 00:17:39,349 --> 00:17:41,018 'cause God knows she couldn't push. 372 00:17:41,101 --> 00:17:44,313 But I think, with my mom, it was never quite enough. She wanted more. 373 00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:45,939 I think she wanted more for herself. 374 00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:47,733 She wanted more because she was a Mormon now 375 00:17:47,816 --> 00:17:49,067 and you were supposed to. 376 00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:50,652 So she tries again. 377 00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:54,156 But she had a cold when she went into the hospital 378 00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:57,910 for the planned cesarean section in June of 1974. 379 00:17:57,993 --> 00:18:01,955 And they put her under and her respiration stopped. 380 00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:05,250 Her heartbeat became irregular. She was dying. 381 00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:06,794 The miracle of that 382 00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:10,964 would end up being that they would be able to revive her 383 00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:13,592 and deliver this. 384 00:18:13,675 --> 00:18:17,012 And she says, "You just opened your eyes 385 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,890 "and you made eye contact with me immediately. 386 00:18:19,973 --> 00:18:21,767 "And I just knew 387 00:18:21,850 --> 00:18:26,522 you were gonna teach me so many things." 388 00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:29,191 My mom always wanted to call me Lance, 389 00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:32,152 but Raul wanted to call me Dustin. 390 00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:36,281 And so, because in Mormonism, patriarchy rules, 391 00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:39,326 my mom knew she had to call me Dustin. 392 00:18:39,409 --> 00:18:42,538 So, Dustin Lance Garrison. 393 00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:44,039 But when he would leave for work, 394 00:18:44,122 --> 00:18:47,000 or on these work trips 'cause he was always away, 395 00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:49,211 she would call me her lancer. 396 00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:51,797 So, at home, I was always Lance 397 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,466 and at school, and out in the world, I was Dustin. 398 00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:58,220 And so, I've had that split identity my entire life. 399 00:18:58,303 --> 00:19:02,182 But the truth was, I was so incredibly shy as a child, 400 00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:04,768 that meant I didn't make any friends. 401 00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:09,022 So my mom was my best and only friend. 402 00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:11,066 She was my lifeline. 403 00:19:11,149 --> 00:19:12,359 And of course, she doesn't give up. 404 00:19:12,442 --> 00:19:14,528 She's going to build this big family 405 00:19:14,611 --> 00:19:16,655 and so, she gets pregnant a third time. 406 00:19:16,738 --> 00:19:19,157 And this time, in 1978, 407 00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:22,870 she gives birth to Todd Garrison. 408 00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:26,039 Todd Black: I was born in Sacramento, March 4, 1978. 409 00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:29,001 From a very early start, my mom, she was a force. 410 00:19:29,084 --> 00:19:31,503 I just always remember she was... 411 00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:33,755 (sighs) 412 00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:36,633 ah... she was a very powerful woman, 413 00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:38,093 but she was very loving 414 00:19:38,176 --> 00:19:41,513 and I never really noticed she wasn't the same. 415 00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:44,933 But there were moments where people would stare at her. 416 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:49,771 And I think we all had the same reaction of like, "What are you looking at?" 417 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:52,232 She was just proud all the time and proud of us. 418 00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:56,486 And I think that gave us a lot of force for any time we were knocked down 419 00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:58,822 to be like, "That's no big deal." 420 00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:01,742 Lynn: I remember Roseann comin' when she had the babies 421 00:20:01,825 --> 00:20:04,286 each time, you know, they'd come. 422 00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:06,538 We'd have a good family together here 423 00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,957 in Texarkana on the Texas side. 424 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:10,918 You know, me and Marcus played together 425 00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:12,419 and Lance played, 426 00:20:12,502 --> 00:20:14,463 and Todd was just little-bitty Todd. 427 00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:17,257 And I even remember her just sittin' over there. 428 00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:20,802 She had this beautiful smile, this beautiful laugh. 429 00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:25,766 I mean, you would have no idea she had polio. 430 00:20:25,849 --> 00:20:28,393 Donna Whitehead: I just remember offering to help her 431 00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:30,395 and she said, "No, no. I'm, I'm fine." 432 00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:32,731 She was very, uh, clear 433 00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:34,483 that she could take care of things 434 00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:37,486 and she just impressed me as a very independent woman 435 00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:39,738 that was very strong. 436 00:20:43,992 --> 00:20:45,953 Dustin: So now my mom has these three little boys 437 00:20:46,036 --> 00:20:48,956 and I think she's incredibly happy about that. 438 00:20:49,039 --> 00:20:50,958 But I don't think Raul was. 439 00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:52,793 I think it was too much for him. 440 00:20:52,876 --> 00:20:54,711 And he was also struggling to keep a job. 441 00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:58,507 And so, now he's getting either fired or laid off. 442 00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:00,175 And Raul gets a new job. 443 00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:03,345 We end up having to pack up and move out of California 444 00:21:03,428 --> 00:21:04,429 and says, "Let's go, let's go. 445 00:21:04,513 --> 00:21:06,765 This is about survival. We're movin'." 446 00:21:06,848 --> 00:21:09,017 And we moved here... 447 00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:11,269 to San Antonio, Texas. 448 00:21:12,562 --> 00:21:14,064 And I think for one brief moment 449 00:21:14,147 --> 00:21:15,983 we felt like a, a safe little family, 450 00:21:16,066 --> 00:21:18,860 but... that wouldn't last. 451 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:23,323 One of the things that happened was that my big brother 452 00:21:23,407 --> 00:21:25,367 had this friend who lived three doors up. 453 00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:28,662 And he would come over and, like, usually, he was beatin' me up. 454 00:21:28,745 --> 00:21:31,039 But I sorta didn't mind and I didn't know what that meant. 455 00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:32,624 I sorta looked forward to it. 456 00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:34,876 And then, there was that moment where I realize, 457 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:37,754 "Oh, that's 'cause I love him." 458 00:21:37,838 --> 00:21:40,632 And it was very clear, at six years old, 459 00:21:40,716 --> 00:21:42,217 this wasn't the love you have for a friend. 460 00:21:42,300 --> 00:21:44,219 This was a whole nother level of something 461 00:21:44,302 --> 00:21:46,722 and I thought he was so beautiful. 462 00:21:46,805 --> 00:21:48,640 And I think... 463 00:21:48,724 --> 00:21:51,852 those butterflies... ah! 464 00:21:51,935 --> 00:21:55,022 Lasted, like, five seconds. 465 00:21:55,105 --> 00:21:59,026 Because if you're Mormon, you know you're going to hell. 466 00:21:59,109 --> 00:22:01,903 And at this time in Texas, for sure, 467 00:22:01,987 --> 00:22:06,867 you were a criminal, mentally ill, pariah. 468 00:22:06,950 --> 00:22:10,162 And all the little butterflies died. 469 00:22:13,915 --> 00:22:18,211 I was six years old, here. 470 00:22:18,295 --> 00:22:19,546 And they would, on special Sundays, 471 00:22:19,629 --> 00:22:21,923 beam in the prophet of the Mormon church. 472 00:22:22,007 --> 00:22:23,759 It was Spencer W. Kimball. 473 00:22:23,842 --> 00:22:27,596 Like all the disease doctrines of the devil, 474 00:22:27,679 --> 00:22:31,099 whether it is an increase in homosexuality, 475 00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:34,227 corruption, drugs, or abortion, 476 00:22:34,311 --> 00:22:37,481 misery achieves a ghastly monument. 477 00:22:37,564 --> 00:22:39,733 Dustin: And on this one special Sunday, 478 00:22:39,816 --> 00:22:42,903 he compared the sin of murder... 479 00:22:42,986 --> 00:22:45,238 to the sin of homosexuality. 480 00:22:45,322 --> 00:22:48,700 So I knew I had to keep it a secret. 481 00:22:48,784 --> 00:22:50,952 I already knew I was, you know, against the law. 482 00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:54,414 I already knew what kids called people like me. 483 00:22:54,498 --> 00:22:56,041 And now, 484 00:22:56,124 --> 00:23:00,253 according to a man I really respected and admired, 485 00:23:00,337 --> 00:23:04,466 I would be sent into eternal nothingness. 486 00:23:04,549 --> 00:23:07,636 I was so confused because-- 487 00:23:07,719 --> 00:23:09,221 I mean, listen, they call it sexuality, 488 00:23:09,304 --> 00:23:11,515 but sex had nothing to do with it at the time. 489 00:23:11,598 --> 00:23:13,642 I had a crush. 490 00:23:13,725 --> 00:23:16,436 And I thought, "Man, this love, 491 00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:18,522 "that feeling that doesn't seem like it hurts anyone, 492 00:23:18,605 --> 00:23:23,318 that's gonna, that's gonna be my ultimate demise?" 493 00:23:23,401 --> 00:23:25,946 They were teaching me about a god 494 00:23:26,029 --> 00:23:29,574 who said loud and clear, "Your heart has no value. 495 00:23:29,658 --> 00:23:30,867 Your love has no value." 496 00:23:30,951 --> 00:23:33,120 I just think it's worth asking the question, 497 00:23:33,203 --> 00:23:35,288 "If you rob children of their heart 498 00:23:35,372 --> 00:23:36,832 "and of their ability to love 499 00:23:36,915 --> 00:23:39,459 "and you threaten that they're gonna lose their family, 500 00:23:39,543 --> 00:23:40,794 "are you surprised 501 00:23:40,877 --> 00:23:44,256 "that queer kids kill themselves... 502 00:23:44,339 --> 00:23:48,468 at four times the rate of their own straight brothers and sisters?" 503 00:23:50,470 --> 00:23:52,889 I'm not surprised 'cause I felt it. 504 00:23:56,268 --> 00:23:59,396 ♪ ♪ 505 00:24:02,065 --> 00:24:03,817 Raul was gone all the time. 506 00:24:03,900 --> 00:24:06,570 He was on the road, traveling salesman. 507 00:24:06,653 --> 00:24:10,198 I mean, my mom has her theories of what he was doing on the road. 508 00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:11,658 And it was a bit more 509 00:24:11,741 --> 00:24:13,493 extracurricular, shall we say. 510 00:24:13,577 --> 00:24:16,830 And at one point, he says to us, 511 00:24:16,913 --> 00:24:18,665 "A visitor from my family is coming." 512 00:24:18,748 --> 00:24:21,960 And that was really rare. And her name was Louise. 513 00:24:22,043 --> 00:24:24,963 Aunt Louise is what he called her. 514 00:24:25,046 --> 00:24:29,176 Aunt Louise was my father's first cousin. 515 00:24:29,259 --> 00:24:31,344 And they were having an affair. 516 00:24:31,428 --> 00:24:35,056 She caught Raul and his first cousin 517 00:24:35,140 --> 00:24:38,226 on the couch havin' sex and his response was, 518 00:24:38,310 --> 00:24:41,354 "Join in. We're gettin' into the polygamy thing." 519 00:24:41,438 --> 00:24:44,691 Well, that's not what she bought out of the Mormon religion. 520 00:24:44,774 --> 00:24:47,110 Dustin: And he would run off with her and disappear 521 00:24:47,194 --> 00:24:48,695 because in most places 522 00:24:48,778 --> 00:24:51,198 it was not legal to marry your first cousin, 523 00:24:51,281 --> 00:24:52,699 but he found a state where he could. 524 00:24:52,782 --> 00:24:56,369 And he knew he had disavowed himself 525 00:24:56,453 --> 00:24:57,871 from the mainstream Mormon church. 526 00:24:57,954 --> 00:24:59,414 He would be excommunicated. 527 00:24:59,497 --> 00:25:02,334 And I just remember going up to my mom 528 00:25:02,417 --> 00:25:04,336 and she said, 529 00:25:04,419 --> 00:25:07,547 "Your, your dad is gone." 530 00:25:07,631 --> 00:25:08,840 And I was like, "Well, where?" 531 00:25:08,924 --> 00:25:11,885 And, you know, "He'll come back. He always comes back." 532 00:25:11,968 --> 00:25:16,431 "No... Your dad's not coming back." 533 00:25:16,514 --> 00:25:20,060 He abandoned a paralyzed woman with three small children. 534 00:25:20,143 --> 00:25:21,853 She'd never had a job. 535 00:25:21,937 --> 00:25:23,480 She'd never driven a car. 536 00:25:23,563 --> 00:25:27,150 And we never, ever heard from him again. 537 00:25:27,234 --> 00:25:30,278 Deborah: He never had anything to do with any of the boys. 538 00:25:30,362 --> 00:25:32,197 He never paid any child support. 539 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:35,242 I mean, they couldn't even find him to get a divorce. 540 00:25:35,325 --> 00:25:38,411 They had to put ads in the paper and everything. 541 00:25:38,495 --> 00:25:40,205 He never looked back. 542 00:25:40,288 --> 00:25:42,415 Todd: I never really asked about our real dad. 543 00:25:42,499 --> 00:25:45,710 And so, he left when I was so young, he wasn't a factor. 544 00:25:45,794 --> 00:25:49,339 It sounds horrible, but I never cared. 545 00:25:49,422 --> 00:25:53,843 Just me, and my mom, and my two older brothers, and then... 546 00:25:53,927 --> 00:25:58,682 the first stepdad. (inhales) And that's a whole thing. 547 00:26:01,309 --> 00:26:04,521 Dustin: My mom was struggling to make ends meet. 548 00:26:04,604 --> 00:26:06,106 We were in a terrible financial state 549 00:26:06,189 --> 00:26:07,399 'cause she didn't have a job, 550 00:26:07,482 --> 00:26:09,693 but we never had to collect 551 00:26:09,776 --> 00:26:11,444 any government assistance 552 00:26:11,528 --> 00:26:13,113 because the Mormon church 553 00:26:13,196 --> 00:26:16,783 started slipping envelopes with money into our mailbox. 554 00:26:16,866 --> 00:26:18,910 We knew where it was coming from, 555 00:26:18,994 --> 00:26:21,329 but they never expected acknowledgment. 556 00:26:21,413 --> 00:26:24,457 And that community, familial kindness, 557 00:26:24,541 --> 00:26:27,127 I have to praise the Mormon church for. 558 00:26:27,210 --> 00:26:29,337 And we were seven-day-a-week Mormons, 559 00:26:29,421 --> 00:26:30,672 six days a week at church, 560 00:26:30,755 --> 00:26:32,632 one day at home for family home evening 561 00:26:32,716 --> 00:26:34,676 on Monday nights for those lessons. 562 00:26:34,759 --> 00:26:36,678 The church was our everything. 563 00:26:36,761 --> 00:26:39,055 Deborah: The church helped her a lot, financially, 564 00:26:39,139 --> 00:26:41,266 before she got a job or anything. 565 00:26:41,349 --> 00:26:42,767 They do take care of people. 566 00:26:42,851 --> 00:26:44,686 That's what churches are supposed to do. 567 00:26:44,769 --> 00:26:47,439 My mom had to learn how to drive, 568 00:26:47,522 --> 00:26:49,524 which thank God for cousin Debbie 569 00:26:49,607 --> 00:26:51,818 comin' down and helpin' her install hand controls 570 00:26:51,901 --> 00:26:53,403 on that massive Malibu Classic 571 00:26:53,486 --> 00:26:55,989 and scaring the living crap out of us trying to learn. 572 00:26:56,072 --> 00:26:58,408 Deborah: Here I am workin' to get her a job, 573 00:26:58,491 --> 00:26:59,784 to get her some wheels. 574 00:26:59,868 --> 00:27:01,328 You know, we're gonna get independent. 575 00:27:01,411 --> 00:27:05,582 So, we typed up her SF 171 and she was hired 576 00:27:05,665 --> 00:27:08,501 as a entry-level GS five lab tech 577 00:27:08,585 --> 00:27:10,211 at Fort Sam Houston. 578 00:27:10,295 --> 00:27:14,382 But the good Mormon church, as part of their policy, 579 00:27:14,466 --> 00:27:17,385 she was a woman and she had to be taken care of. 580 00:27:17,469 --> 00:27:20,138 Dustin: My mom had been abandoned by a Mormon husband, 581 00:27:20,221 --> 00:27:23,224 so the church has gotta fix her up with somebody. 582 00:27:23,308 --> 00:27:25,226 Who's gonna marry this woman? 583 00:27:25,310 --> 00:27:27,896 Oh, I know, the Boy Scout master 584 00:27:27,979 --> 00:27:31,107 of Troop 624 of the Windsor Ward. 585 00:27:31,191 --> 00:27:33,693 He was an Air Force and Staff Sergeant. 586 00:27:33,777 --> 00:27:37,322 His name was Merrill D. Black. 587 00:27:37,405 --> 00:27:40,075 And I have this picture of getting on top of his shoulders 588 00:27:40,158 --> 00:27:42,619 and he helped us put the star on top of the tree. 589 00:27:42,702 --> 00:27:44,412 And I thought, "Okay, 590 00:27:44,496 --> 00:27:46,581 we'll take all the help we can get." 591 00:27:46,664 --> 00:27:49,250 Deborah: She didn't really, like, meet Merrill 592 00:27:49,334 --> 00:27:51,086 and fall in love. 593 00:27:51,169 --> 00:27:53,296 It was set up by the church. 594 00:27:53,380 --> 00:27:55,757 He's divorced. He had some kids. 595 00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:58,134 She's divorced. She had some kids. 596 00:27:58,218 --> 00:27:59,803 He's going to support her. 597 00:27:59,886 --> 00:28:02,972 Like my mom, he also had been divorced. 598 00:28:03,056 --> 00:28:04,557 He had two children of his own, 599 00:28:04,641 --> 00:28:07,394 but we never really heard from them, never saw them. 600 00:28:07,477 --> 00:28:09,562 So, something was weird. 601 00:28:09,646 --> 00:28:11,439 And they go and get married. 602 00:28:12,649 --> 00:28:16,111 And I immediately say to my mom, 603 00:28:16,194 --> 00:28:17,946 "I want his last name. 604 00:28:18,029 --> 00:28:19,989 I do not want to be a Garrison." 605 00:28:20,073 --> 00:28:22,742 And so, the paperwork came in the mail and it says, 606 00:28:22,826 --> 00:28:25,829 "Dustin Lance Garrison is now officially adopted 607 00:28:25,912 --> 00:28:27,789 "by Merrill Durant Black. 608 00:28:27,872 --> 00:28:32,710 His name is now Dustin Lance Black." 609 00:28:32,794 --> 00:28:34,796 I was so happy. 610 00:28:34,879 --> 00:28:38,550 What I didn't know yet was that would be the best thing 611 00:28:38,633 --> 00:28:40,218 this man ever provided. 612 00:28:40,301 --> 00:28:41,719 What I would find out really soon 613 00:28:41,803 --> 00:28:45,014 is that he had a real problem with his temper. 614 00:28:45,098 --> 00:28:47,559 It was like, "Oh my gosh, you know, we have this-- 615 00:28:47,642 --> 00:28:49,477 When they got married, we have this father." 616 00:28:49,561 --> 00:28:51,312 And then it just... (snaps) 617 00:28:51,396 --> 00:28:54,774 I just remember the, the switch flipping pretty quickly to him being, 618 00:28:54,858 --> 00:28:56,943 "We have a father and he's a monster." 619 00:28:57,026 --> 00:28:59,362 Dustin: One day my room just wasn't clean enough 620 00:28:59,446 --> 00:29:01,114 for an Air Force Staff Sergeant. 621 00:29:01,197 --> 00:29:02,949 And with his full might, 622 00:29:03,032 --> 00:29:05,660 he punches me square in the face. 623 00:29:05,743 --> 00:29:07,287 And I landed on my back on the floor. 624 00:29:07,370 --> 00:29:11,791 My nose is bleeding and it's all so blurry. 625 00:29:11,875 --> 00:29:14,586 I just remember my mom charging in the door 626 00:29:14,669 --> 00:29:16,337 on braces and crutches and she comes up 627 00:29:16,421 --> 00:29:18,006 to this six-foot-four man, and says, 628 00:29:18,089 --> 00:29:22,719 "You will not lay a hand on my son again or I will kill you." 629 00:29:22,802 --> 00:29:27,390 And he... cowered, and shook and cried. 630 00:29:27,474 --> 00:29:29,017 Promised to get help. 631 00:29:29,100 --> 00:29:31,728 But that was not the last time he hit me. 632 00:29:31,811 --> 00:29:34,230 Because I was told, "We can't go to the police. 633 00:29:34,314 --> 00:29:36,524 We have to go to the Mormon church." 634 00:29:36,608 --> 00:29:37,984 They didn't want you calling the police. 635 00:29:38,067 --> 00:29:40,820 They wanted you to call the bishop. 636 00:29:40,904 --> 00:29:42,155 And I would find out later 637 00:29:42,238 --> 00:29:44,908 how many times he hit my mother. 638 00:29:44,991 --> 00:29:47,744 And the Mormon church, the entire time is saying, 639 00:29:47,827 --> 00:29:51,456 "The responsibility of the wife is to create an atmosphere 640 00:29:51,539 --> 00:29:52,790 that suits your priesthood holder," 641 00:29:52,874 --> 00:29:55,376 which is the name for the father in that house. 642 00:29:55,460 --> 00:29:58,338 "And if, if he's having to resort to this sort of violence, 643 00:29:58,421 --> 00:30:01,549 there's something in the home that's not right for your priesthood holder." 644 00:30:01,633 --> 00:30:05,136 They put the responsibility on my mom. 645 00:30:05,220 --> 00:30:08,014 And the problem was, there was nothing my mom could do 646 00:30:08,097 --> 00:30:12,352 to make that home suitable for a man like that. 647 00:30:13,269 --> 00:30:15,021 It just kept going. 648 00:30:16,856 --> 00:30:20,652 Well... knowin' Roseann, she hid it very well. 649 00:30:20,735 --> 00:30:23,112 She might've told my mother. I don't know. 650 00:30:23,196 --> 00:30:25,782 For sure my daddy didn't know, uh. 651 00:30:25,865 --> 00:30:28,785 If Daddy would've known, he'd have done the same thing I'd have done. 652 00:30:28,868 --> 00:30:31,371 We'd have... we'd have been in trouble 'cause, 653 00:30:31,454 --> 00:30:33,248 personally, I'd have beat the hell out of him. 654 00:30:33,331 --> 00:30:35,708 I mean, it wouldn't stop him 'cause that's, 655 00:30:35,792 --> 00:30:37,919 you know, probably what he's gonna do anyway. 656 00:30:38,002 --> 00:30:40,755 But it's, it's just not right. 657 00:30:41,839 --> 00:30:43,967 (ambient nature sounds) 658 00:30:46,511 --> 00:30:49,264 Todd: You know I think about this park a lot. 659 00:30:49,347 --> 00:30:50,598 -Dustin: Do you? -Todd: A lot. 660 00:30:50,682 --> 00:30:52,433 Dustin: What does it mean to yo? 661 00:30:53,518 --> 00:30:55,645 Todd: It was, like, us time. 662 00:30:56,813 --> 00:30:59,148 We'd get away from... 663 00:30:59,232 --> 00:31:02,026 all of that that was going on. 664 00:31:02,110 --> 00:31:04,195 It felt like an adventure coming out here. 665 00:31:04,279 --> 00:31:06,030 -Dustin: I know. -Right? 666 00:31:08,992 --> 00:31:11,578 This was the area. This is where we would come. 667 00:31:11,661 --> 00:31:13,746 -Yeah. -And it was, like, 668 00:31:13,830 --> 00:31:15,665 in the spring... 669 00:31:15,748 --> 00:31:19,127 it was just jam-full of tadpoles. 670 00:31:19,210 --> 00:31:21,879 You remember? And those tiny, little minnowy things. 671 00:31:21,963 --> 00:31:23,756 But, like, I guess it was free fun. 672 00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:25,091 -It was. -Like, other kids got Disneyland, 673 00:31:25,174 --> 00:31:27,343 we got a bucket full of tadpoles. 674 00:31:27,427 --> 00:31:30,847 And it was like, sort of like heaven. 675 00:31:30,930 --> 00:31:32,807 Marcus would go to the drainage ditches 676 00:31:32,890 --> 00:31:34,058 and sit under the underpasses 677 00:31:34,142 --> 00:31:36,311 -and smoke whatever. -Mm-hm. 678 00:31:36,394 --> 00:31:37,562 And I would take you down here 679 00:31:37,645 --> 00:31:39,397 'cause you were my responsibility. 680 00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:42,233 And this was, like, the best place to keep you away from home. 681 00:31:42,317 --> 00:31:44,360 I loved it out here. 682 00:31:44,444 --> 00:31:47,447 And then that one day, when we got home-- 683 00:31:47,530 --> 00:31:48,948 I don't know if you even remember it. 684 00:31:49,032 --> 00:31:50,241 We've never really talked about it. 685 00:31:50,325 --> 00:31:51,659 -But that day, we got home. -Never. 686 00:31:51,743 --> 00:31:53,286 I put the bucket down. 687 00:31:53,369 --> 00:31:56,664 That was the day I went inside and saw Merrill try to kill Mom. 688 00:31:56,748 --> 00:31:58,041 (screaming) 689 00:31:58,124 --> 00:32:01,169 I hear the screaming coming from where the kitchen is 690 00:32:01,252 --> 00:32:04,672 and then I see my mom running 691 00:32:04,756 --> 00:32:06,841 as only you can on braces and crutches, 692 00:32:06,924 --> 00:32:09,510 like a pendulum moving as fast as she can 693 00:32:09,594 --> 00:32:13,264 screaming... for help. 694 00:32:13,348 --> 00:32:20,063 And then... after her is Merrill Black holding a knife, 695 00:32:20,146 --> 00:32:21,856 a kitchen knife. 696 00:32:23,441 --> 00:32:25,443 Going after her with that silent, 697 00:32:25,526 --> 00:32:27,987 terrifying look in his eye. 698 00:32:28,071 --> 00:32:31,366 I took in the image and I froze. 699 00:32:31,449 --> 00:32:34,869 And the back sliding glass door flies open... 700 00:32:34,952 --> 00:32:38,206 and Marcus, my big brother, comes charging in 701 00:32:38,289 --> 00:32:40,083 with an aluminum baseball bat, 702 00:32:40,166 --> 00:32:41,668 goes straight after Merrill 703 00:32:41,751 --> 00:32:45,046 and all I hear is bing, bing, bing. 704 00:32:45,129 --> 00:32:48,383 But Merrill ducked into the bathroom to escape the blows 705 00:32:48,466 --> 00:32:51,260 and locked himself inside. 706 00:32:51,344 --> 00:32:53,763 Marcus hadn't been around a whole lot, 707 00:32:53,846 --> 00:32:56,557 but he showed up at the most important moment. 708 00:32:56,641 --> 00:32:58,393 My mom would've died that day. 709 00:32:58,476 --> 00:33:00,937 I'm sure I would've been next. 710 00:33:02,647 --> 00:33:04,941 My big brother saved my life. 711 00:33:06,567 --> 00:33:08,361 What we would eventually find out 712 00:33:08,444 --> 00:33:10,071 that the Mormon church failed to tell my mom, 713 00:33:10,154 --> 00:33:11,531 and of course, he wasn't gonna divulge, 714 00:33:11,614 --> 00:33:15,201 is that Merrill tried to kill his first wife 715 00:33:15,284 --> 00:33:16,703 and I guess the Mormon church 716 00:33:16,786 --> 00:33:19,580 didn't feel like it was a woman's business to know that. 717 00:33:19,664 --> 00:33:21,874 And so, Marcus and I, 718 00:33:21,958 --> 00:33:24,043 we took matters into our own hands. 719 00:33:24,127 --> 00:33:25,920 He said, "I got a plan. 720 00:33:26,003 --> 00:33:27,547 "When everybody's asleep, 721 00:33:27,630 --> 00:33:30,466 you're coming with me into the garage." 722 00:33:30,550 --> 00:33:34,429 And Merrill drove this horrible avocado green Gremlin, 723 00:33:34,512 --> 00:33:37,140 which was, like, a car at the time. 724 00:33:37,223 --> 00:33:39,809 And the, the Gremlin was right here. 725 00:33:39,892 --> 00:33:41,978 So, Marcus came out here and he had, like, a toolbox, 726 00:33:42,061 --> 00:33:43,229 so it was, like, right along here 727 00:33:43,312 --> 00:33:45,398 and he just grabbed wire snippers 728 00:33:45,481 --> 00:33:49,944 and he crawled under here and all I heard was, "dink." 729 00:33:50,027 --> 00:33:53,614 And he, and he crawled out and in that Marcus way, 730 00:33:53,698 --> 00:33:56,284 "Dude, it's done, all right? Just go. Sneak back in. 731 00:33:56,367 --> 00:33:57,702 Don't get caught. Dude, let's go." 732 00:33:57,785 --> 00:34:00,538 He had just cut the brake line. 733 00:34:00,621 --> 00:34:04,333 The next day, Merrill goes off to work... 734 00:34:05,376 --> 00:34:07,462 but then he comes home. 735 00:34:07,545 --> 00:34:09,005 Gremlin's fine. 736 00:34:09,088 --> 00:34:11,883 We, I think, cut the windshield wiper fluid, not the brake fluid. 737 00:34:11,966 --> 00:34:15,178 And Marcus and I are sitting there like, "We're dead." 738 00:34:15,261 --> 00:34:16,804 Because Merrill had this look in his eye. 739 00:34:16,888 --> 00:34:18,848 He was so upset, so clearly, he knew. 740 00:34:18,931 --> 00:34:21,642 He was just waiting for the moment to kill us. 741 00:34:21,726 --> 00:34:23,144 But it turns out he had had a meeting 742 00:34:23,227 --> 00:34:24,729 with his supervisor that day 743 00:34:24,812 --> 00:34:27,398 who instead of giving him the raise he had hoped for 744 00:34:27,482 --> 00:34:31,194 was sending him to South Korea for six months. 745 00:34:31,277 --> 00:34:33,029 Oh, it was the best. He's leaving. 746 00:34:33,112 --> 00:34:35,156 He's leaving. The monster is leaving. 747 00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:37,658 (laughs) 748 00:34:37,742 --> 00:34:40,369 And I don't think we had been more happy 749 00:34:40,453 --> 00:34:42,246 then at any time that he had been there. 750 00:34:42,330 --> 00:34:44,624 Deborah: When Merrill was sent to Korea, 751 00:34:44,707 --> 00:34:49,086 she confided in me then about what was goin' on. 752 00:34:49,170 --> 00:34:52,632 We didn't know, until after it had happened, 753 00:34:52,715 --> 00:34:55,510 how violent this man was. 754 00:34:55,593 --> 00:35:00,014 And she took steps to actually divorce him while he was gone 755 00:35:00,097 --> 00:35:02,183 and get him out of her life. 756 00:35:02,266 --> 00:35:04,352 I also remember bein' down there 757 00:35:04,435 --> 00:35:08,815 when she told me about this handsome guy in the Army 758 00:35:08,898 --> 00:35:13,236 who was gonna take her on a motorcycle ride. 759 00:35:13,319 --> 00:35:17,281 Jeff Bisch: I met Roseanna in January of 1986. 760 00:35:17,365 --> 00:35:19,283 I had just been reassigned 761 00:35:19,367 --> 00:35:21,828 to Brooke Army Medical Center at Fort Sam. 762 00:35:21,911 --> 00:35:24,789 I was involved in special forces training. 763 00:35:24,872 --> 00:35:26,541 I had a parachuting accident, 764 00:35:26,624 --> 00:35:30,545 so they reassigned me back to hospital division. 765 00:35:30,628 --> 00:35:32,839 And that's what brought me to San Antonio. 766 00:35:32,922 --> 00:35:38,261 And I oddly enough, first noticed Anne as I was walking into the building. 767 00:35:38,344 --> 00:35:40,972 I saw this woman pull up in a car. 768 00:35:41,055 --> 00:35:43,057 Blonde hair, lookin' beautiful. 769 00:35:43,140 --> 00:35:44,600 And I just went about my business. 770 00:35:44,684 --> 00:35:47,520 I went in and met with the, uh, senior NCOs. 771 00:35:47,603 --> 00:35:48,729 Had an interview. 772 00:35:48,813 --> 00:35:50,273 They said, "Okay, we're gon' put you 773 00:35:50,356 --> 00:35:51,858 in a microbiology section." 774 00:35:51,941 --> 00:35:54,026 And as they were introducing me to the staff, 775 00:35:54,110 --> 00:35:55,486 I come around the corner 776 00:35:55,570 --> 00:35:58,781 and who's there but the beautiful woman in the car. 777 00:35:58,865 --> 00:36:03,744 She was assigned as my mentor when I started working there. 778 00:36:03,828 --> 00:36:07,331 We just seemed to hit it off and just kind of get along 779 00:36:07,415 --> 00:36:09,709 and I don't think either one of us 780 00:36:09,792 --> 00:36:11,752 was looking for a relationship. 781 00:36:11,836 --> 00:36:14,964 It's somethin' that just gradually happened. 782 00:36:15,047 --> 00:36:16,591 Yes, there was an age difference. 783 00:36:16,674 --> 00:36:19,093 There was (chuckles) 16 years. 784 00:36:19,176 --> 00:36:23,139 But for us, it never was an issue at all. 785 00:36:23,222 --> 00:36:25,558 We had similar interests in music, 786 00:36:25,641 --> 00:36:27,435 a similar interest in movies. 787 00:36:27,518 --> 00:36:30,897 And we both loved the beach, ocean, um. 788 00:36:30,980 --> 00:36:35,735 We just seemed to gel so well together. 789 00:36:35,818 --> 00:36:37,820 Deborah: Jeff Bisch came and got her 790 00:36:37,904 --> 00:36:40,156 and took her on a motorcycle ride. 791 00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:44,076 That's the Roseann I know, the daredevil. 792 00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:45,453 Roseanna was back... 793 00:36:45,536 --> 00:36:48,581 and she was in love. 794 00:36:48,664 --> 00:36:51,959 Jeff: We did keep our affair quiet from the people at work. 795 00:36:52,043 --> 00:36:55,129 And initially, she wanted to keep this from her children 796 00:36:55,212 --> 00:36:58,674 until she felt like now is a good time. 797 00:36:58,758 --> 00:37:02,720 And she asked me to come over to the house and meet the boys. 798 00:37:02,803 --> 00:37:04,764 Todd: The first time Jeff walked in the house, 799 00:37:04,847 --> 00:37:06,974 there was a light in her eyes and we were like, 800 00:37:07,058 --> 00:37:09,226 "It's gonna be okay, isn't it? 801 00:37:09,310 --> 00:37:11,395 Everything's gonna be okay." 802 00:37:13,022 --> 00:37:15,942 (cries) He saved us. He literally saved us. 803 00:37:17,026 --> 00:37:18,527 And I had no clue at the time, 804 00:37:18,611 --> 00:37:22,490 (laughs, sniffles) like, how bad we needed it. 805 00:37:22,573 --> 00:37:26,285 Dustin: My mom had to call Merrill overseas and say, 806 00:37:26,369 --> 00:37:28,037 "Listen, I, I want a divorce." 807 00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:30,373 And I guess he could've made it messy, 808 00:37:30,456 --> 00:37:31,582 but she was well-armed. 809 00:37:31,666 --> 00:37:33,793 I mean, at this point, my mom was becoming 810 00:37:33,876 --> 00:37:35,419 disenchanted with the Mormon church. 811 00:37:35,503 --> 00:37:37,296 We'd stopped going when she met Jeff 812 00:37:37,380 --> 00:37:39,465 'cause now, she met a real man 813 00:37:39,548 --> 00:37:41,509 who, yeah, was macho and tough, 814 00:37:41,592 --> 00:37:44,679 but he was gentle and loving. 815 00:37:44,762 --> 00:37:46,389 Jeff: Soon after she got divorced, 816 00:37:46,472 --> 00:37:50,142 the Army transferred me out to Fort Ord, California. 817 00:37:50,226 --> 00:37:52,603 That was a very hard thing for me to ask. 818 00:37:52,687 --> 00:37:55,940 "Roseanna, are you sure you want to go across the country, 819 00:37:56,023 --> 00:38:00,194 taking the boys out of school, away from their friends?" 820 00:38:00,277 --> 00:38:03,197 And surprisingly enough... 821 00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:06,867 the boys all viewed this as a chance to start over. 822 00:38:06,951 --> 00:38:10,997 Todd: The divorce with Merrill and leaving San Antonio, 823 00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:12,456 it was a clean slate 824 00:38:12,540 --> 00:38:13,833 and we're moving forward 825 00:38:13,916 --> 00:38:16,043 and it was always about moving forward 826 00:38:16,127 --> 00:38:17,545 and looking at the future. 827 00:38:19,422 --> 00:38:21,674 Jeff: We got married in the basement of City Hall 828 00:38:21,757 --> 00:38:24,176 in San Antonio by the justice of the peace. 829 00:38:24,260 --> 00:38:28,556 It was just Roseanna, myself, and her best friend. 830 00:38:29,598 --> 00:38:31,726 I was a little bit afraid for her 831 00:38:31,809 --> 00:38:35,646 because she met this guy that was quite a bit younger 832 00:38:35,730 --> 00:38:40,484 and I was afraid because of the past two relationships. 833 00:38:40,568 --> 00:38:44,488 But she was determined to do this. 834 00:38:45,990 --> 00:38:47,616 Dustin: Jeff packed up and moved 835 00:38:47,700 --> 00:38:50,036 to Salinas, California, before we left 836 00:38:50,119 --> 00:38:53,372 so that he could try and find a place to live and get situated. 837 00:38:53,456 --> 00:38:55,416 So, we were behind him by a week. 838 00:38:55,499 --> 00:38:59,754 And we drove in the Malibu Classic from San Antonio 839 00:38:59,837 --> 00:39:01,839 through New Mexico into Arizona 840 00:39:01,922 --> 00:39:05,509 and in Los Angeles, you gotta kinda take a turn north to get to Salinas 841 00:39:05,593 --> 00:39:07,595 and, and we screwed it up. 842 00:39:07,678 --> 00:39:09,764 We got lost in Los Angeles. 843 00:39:09,847 --> 00:39:12,308 My mom is up front workin' the hand controls 844 00:39:12,391 --> 00:39:14,810 and my big brother, Marcus, has a map spread out 845 00:39:14,894 --> 00:39:18,272 and he's trying to help us find our way out of LA. 846 00:39:18,355 --> 00:39:20,316 I was curious about this place 847 00:39:20,399 --> 00:39:23,069 'cause I knew they made movies here. 848 00:39:23,152 --> 00:39:26,572 But my mom said, "This is the land of sinners." 849 00:39:26,655 --> 00:39:29,450 Though my mom had stopped going to Mormon church when she met Jeff, 850 00:39:29,533 --> 00:39:33,621 she did not ever stop being faithful or conservative. 851 00:39:33,704 --> 00:39:37,416 And so, she couldn't get out of LA fast enough. 852 00:39:37,500 --> 00:39:40,294 And as we're going up out of Southern California, 853 00:39:40,377 --> 00:39:42,755 I just remember thinking, "Oh, boy. 854 00:39:42,838 --> 00:39:45,091 I wanna take one last look." 855 00:39:45,174 --> 00:39:48,302 And I, I just, I felt the call. 856 00:39:52,348 --> 00:39:54,475 (ambient nature sounds) 857 00:40:01,774 --> 00:40:04,944 Jeff: When Roseanna came to work at Fort Ord, 858 00:40:05,027 --> 00:40:08,614 she initially was given the only open slot there was 859 00:40:08,697 --> 00:40:10,449 which was that of a shipping clerk. 860 00:40:10,533 --> 00:40:13,786 So, it was... not the role she wanted. 861 00:40:13,869 --> 00:40:15,663 And then, a position became open 862 00:40:15,746 --> 00:40:17,873 for a medical technologist on the staff 863 00:40:17,957 --> 00:40:19,625 and she took it and ran with it. 864 00:40:19,708 --> 00:40:21,794 She always got through every inspection 865 00:40:21,877 --> 00:40:24,338 with no deficiencies and no findings. 866 00:40:24,422 --> 00:40:27,383 And that made her so proud. 867 00:40:27,466 --> 00:40:29,009 And it drove her 868 00:40:29,093 --> 00:40:32,429 to be the best technologist that she could be. 869 00:40:34,265 --> 00:40:38,310 Todd: Salinas, as a city, wasn't the best place. 870 00:40:38,394 --> 00:40:40,855 Salinas was a big farming community. 871 00:40:40,938 --> 00:40:44,316 Lots of gangs, lots of crime. 872 00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:48,028 But it was a short drive to Monterey and the coast. 873 00:40:48,112 --> 00:40:49,196 It's beautiful. 874 00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:50,948 Jeff and I would take bike rides 875 00:40:51,031 --> 00:40:52,449 out along the beach, 876 00:40:52,533 --> 00:40:54,493 go kayaking in the bay. 877 00:40:54,577 --> 00:40:57,329 And Salinas was just, that's just where we lived. 878 00:40:57,413 --> 00:41:00,666 Dustin: Salinas was just another game of survival for me 879 00:41:00,749 --> 00:41:02,209 for a really long time. 880 00:41:02,293 --> 00:41:04,712 I felt at home, but we were in a slightly more 881 00:41:04,795 --> 00:41:07,339 dangerous school in terms of violence. 882 00:41:07,423 --> 00:41:10,551 There was a teacher shot by a student while I was there. 883 00:41:10,634 --> 00:41:13,262 And it was the first time walking into school one day 884 00:41:13,345 --> 00:41:16,140 I was wearing a black turtleneck and I'd permed my hair 885 00:41:16,223 --> 00:41:18,517 to look more like a New Kid on the Block 886 00:41:18,601 --> 00:41:20,227 and I walked into school thinking, 887 00:41:20,311 --> 00:41:22,188 "Maybe I look good now." 888 00:41:22,271 --> 00:41:25,274 Uh, and instead, a guy said, "Hey, faggot." 889 00:41:25,357 --> 00:41:27,902 And I just kept walking. I didn't turn, nothing. 890 00:41:27,985 --> 00:41:32,364 I just was like, "Oh, my God, he couldn't have been saying that to me, right?" 891 00:41:32,448 --> 00:41:35,159 Thankfully, I found the theater. 892 00:41:35,242 --> 00:41:36,911 Followed my brother into it, really. 893 00:41:36,994 --> 00:41:38,704 Marcus went into theater 894 00:41:38,787 --> 00:41:40,456 and I desperately wanted his approval. 895 00:41:40,539 --> 00:41:42,541 I wanted to impress him. And so, I said, 896 00:41:42,625 --> 00:41:44,501 "Well, I wanna do that, too." Even though I was shy, 897 00:41:44,585 --> 00:41:46,629 I was like, "This will be a great way to confront that." 898 00:41:46,712 --> 00:41:48,672 But my brother would never last in these things. 899 00:41:48,756 --> 00:41:52,718 And he was slipping further and further into drugs 900 00:41:52,801 --> 00:41:57,348 and this very punk rock, heavy metal culture. 901 00:41:57,431 --> 00:41:59,600 Rebecca Clark Mane: I met Marcus in 1989 902 00:41:59,683 --> 00:42:02,353 in the more dangerous parts of Salinas. 903 00:42:02,436 --> 00:42:04,438 And Salinas was by a prison. 904 00:42:04,521 --> 00:42:06,899 So, there's this nice kind of middle-class area 905 00:42:06,982 --> 00:42:09,568 and then I would say 70% of it is hardcore. 906 00:42:09,652 --> 00:42:13,239 And the group of people that Marcus and I hung out with, 907 00:42:13,322 --> 00:42:14,740 I guess you'd call us rockers. 908 00:42:14,823 --> 00:42:16,492 We listened to heavy metal. 909 00:42:16,575 --> 00:42:20,746 We did drugs, drank, all of those things, 910 00:42:20,829 --> 00:42:22,748 We were a bunch of broken kids. 911 00:42:22,831 --> 00:42:25,584 All of us were traumatized in some way. 912 00:42:25,668 --> 00:42:28,504 We didn't know what had happened to Marcus. 913 00:42:28,587 --> 00:42:30,047 He never told any of us. 914 00:42:30,130 --> 00:42:31,507 But we knew he was damaged 915 00:42:31,590 --> 00:42:33,842 'cause he was there night after night with us. 916 00:42:33,926 --> 00:42:35,511 Dustin: Marcus was so tough. 917 00:42:35,594 --> 00:42:38,055 He was an auto mechanic. He was smoking cigarettes. 918 00:42:38,138 --> 00:42:39,890 He was doing all kinds of drugs. 919 00:42:39,974 --> 00:42:42,851 He was just a self-defined redneck. 920 00:42:42,935 --> 00:42:45,688 And I was quiet and shy and sensitive. 921 00:42:45,771 --> 00:42:50,484 And it seemed that we were just growing further and further apart. 922 00:42:50,567 --> 00:42:51,944 But he was my hero, man. 923 00:42:52,027 --> 00:42:53,612 So, I thought, "Okay, I'm gonna do theater." 924 00:42:53,696 --> 00:42:56,615 And I learned that I loved telling stories. 925 00:42:56,699 --> 00:42:59,576 And so, at high school, I was putting on a play 926 00:42:59,660 --> 00:43:01,578 and I needed some hands and help 927 00:43:01,662 --> 00:43:03,831 and I just went into the hallway 'cause I was desperate 928 00:43:03,914 --> 00:43:07,668 and there was this guy with a big mustache, 929 00:43:07,751 --> 00:43:10,504 kind of thinning hair on top, husky, 930 00:43:10,587 --> 00:43:13,674 and his name was Ryan Elizalde. 931 00:43:13,757 --> 00:43:17,803 And he looked at me, up and down, sized me up, 932 00:43:17,886 --> 00:43:20,347 and said, "Spread your legs." 933 00:43:20,431 --> 00:43:23,309 Ryan Elizalde: Back then, I, I liked to play a lot of jokes on people, 934 00:43:23,392 --> 00:43:26,186 so I had this poster in my hand, it was rolled up, 935 00:43:26,270 --> 00:43:28,731 and I took that poster and kinda whacked him between the legs. 936 00:43:28,814 --> 00:43:31,150 He kinda collapsed on the floor and everybody laughed 937 00:43:31,233 --> 00:43:32,484 and I thought that was kinda funny. 938 00:43:32,568 --> 00:43:35,946 I've apologized for that several times. (laughs) 939 00:43:36,030 --> 00:43:39,408 He wanted to put me in my place, show me who was in charge. 940 00:43:39,491 --> 00:43:41,827 And because I didn't just whine and cry and freak out 941 00:43:41,910 --> 00:43:44,330 'cause I'd... bolstered myself, 942 00:43:44,413 --> 00:43:46,457 I got an invitation to go to Denny's. 943 00:43:46,540 --> 00:43:48,208 And in Salinas, California, 944 00:43:48,292 --> 00:43:49,877 to go to Denny's was 945 00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:52,880 an invitation to the cool kid's table. 946 00:43:52,963 --> 00:43:55,049 Ryan: After everyone was done eating, I took a spoon 947 00:43:55,132 --> 00:43:57,634 and passed it to my right and everybody sort of put 948 00:43:57,718 --> 00:43:59,636 a little piece of something on the spoon, 949 00:43:59,720 --> 00:44:01,889 leftover food, sugar, ketchup, 950 00:44:01,972 --> 00:44:03,766 whatever they could find off their plates 951 00:44:03,849 --> 00:44:05,726 and it came all the way back around to Lance 952 00:44:05,809 --> 00:44:07,519 and then Lance puts something on it 953 00:44:07,603 --> 00:44:10,689 and he's-- was handing it back to me and I just went, "No." 954 00:44:10,773 --> 00:44:13,192 I'm like, "If you wanna be here, you have to eat that." 955 00:44:13,275 --> 00:44:16,403 So, I ate that motherfucking spoonful of hell 956 00:44:16,487 --> 00:44:19,365 and it changed the course of our lives. 957 00:44:19,448 --> 00:44:21,033 I wasn't ready to put words 958 00:44:21,116 --> 00:44:23,494 to the connection I knew I had with Ryan, 959 00:44:23,577 --> 00:44:26,163 but my mom could see it and it terrified her 960 00:44:26,246 --> 00:44:28,374 'cause she knew my friendship with Ryan 961 00:44:28,457 --> 00:44:31,752 meant that our relationship would change. 962 00:44:34,797 --> 00:44:36,632 (film projector WHIRRING) 963 00:44:36,715 --> 00:44:38,258 Wanting to be a filmmaker, for me, 964 00:44:38,342 --> 00:44:40,803 goes all the way back to renting a film 965 00:44:40,886 --> 00:44:43,055 when I was a teenager in Texas called 966 00:44:43,138 --> 00:44:44,556 "The 400 Blows," 967 00:44:44,640 --> 00:44:47,309 Francois Truffaut's French New Wave masterpiece. 968 00:44:47,393 --> 00:44:50,604 And it's about a young boy in a really troubled family 969 00:44:50,687 --> 00:44:54,191 and those were the stories I wanted to tell 970 00:44:54,274 --> 00:44:55,818 that felt more like my life, 971 00:44:55,901 --> 00:44:58,529 that moved people, that changed people. 972 00:44:58,612 --> 00:45:00,489 So, when I graduated from high school, 973 00:45:00,572 --> 00:45:02,408 I just said, "I wanna go somewhere 974 00:45:02,491 --> 00:45:04,535 where I can learn how to make movies." 975 00:45:04,618 --> 00:45:06,370 So I should be where they make movies. 976 00:45:06,453 --> 00:45:09,373 So I convinced Ryan to move with me 977 00:45:09,456 --> 00:45:11,250 and, uh, he had to ponder it for a while. 978 00:45:11,333 --> 00:45:12,376 He had a good job, 979 00:45:12,459 --> 00:45:14,795 all his friends, his family in Salinas. 980 00:45:14,878 --> 00:45:18,465 Ryan: It was shortly after Lance graduated high school 981 00:45:18,549 --> 00:45:19,967 we started having the conversation 982 00:45:20,050 --> 00:45:22,302 about moving to Los Angeles. 983 00:45:22,386 --> 00:45:24,138 What are we gonna do? How are we gonna survive? 984 00:45:24,221 --> 00:45:27,808 It was a scary move. I mean, when you think about what we did. 985 00:45:27,891 --> 00:45:32,062 Dustin: We had no plan, no real place to go. 986 00:45:32,146 --> 00:45:35,023 And my mom was just so heartbroken. 987 00:45:35,107 --> 00:45:38,360 She just said, "My Lancer, you can always come back." 988 00:45:38,444 --> 00:45:41,029 She was terrified. 989 00:45:41,113 --> 00:45:43,740 Ryan: I think I had $400 in my pocket 990 00:45:43,824 --> 00:45:47,619 and I had a car that was 20 years old. 991 00:45:47,703 --> 00:45:51,331 We just showed up in Pasadena. We got a hotel. 992 00:45:51,415 --> 00:45:53,709 And from there we decided, "Okay, I gotta find a job." 993 00:45:53,792 --> 00:45:57,629 We gotta get things goin' because we don't even know where we're gonna live. 994 00:45:57,713 --> 00:46:02,259 And so, we ended up finding an apartment, but it was so tiny. 995 00:46:02,342 --> 00:46:04,678 It must've been 300 square feet. 996 00:46:04,761 --> 00:46:07,723 And I took a job right away. He got a job right away. 997 00:46:07,806 --> 00:46:11,852 So we were able to make that rent and survive. 998 00:46:11,935 --> 00:46:14,855 Dustin: In those first couple of years in the community college 999 00:46:14,938 --> 00:46:18,108 out in Pasadena where we were hearing gunfire at night 1000 00:46:18,192 --> 00:46:20,235 because we weren't in the good part of Pasadena. 1001 00:46:20,319 --> 00:46:23,030 We were in the rough spot 'cause that's what we could afford. 1002 00:46:23,113 --> 00:46:26,325 And then I applied here to UCLA's film school 1003 00:46:26,408 --> 00:46:29,161 knowing they only took 15 students a year 1004 00:46:29,244 --> 00:46:30,829 from outside the university. 1005 00:46:30,913 --> 00:46:33,874 And I remember my mom said, "You gotta have a backup plan." 1006 00:46:33,957 --> 00:46:35,584 And in my mom's style, I said, 1007 00:46:35,667 --> 00:46:39,797 "No, I don't. I'm gonna get in. I'm gonna be one of 'em." 1008 00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:42,049 I mean, this was my dream school. 1009 00:46:42,132 --> 00:46:44,510 I had worked years at multiple jobs, 1010 00:46:44,593 --> 00:46:47,971 hungry at night, trying to get all A's in community college, 1011 00:46:48,055 --> 00:46:49,139 studying film, 1012 00:46:49,223 --> 00:46:51,183 then working on that application 1013 00:46:51,266 --> 00:46:54,269 and those essays for weeks. 1014 00:46:54,353 --> 00:46:56,396 And guess what? 1015 00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:59,066 I was one of those 15. 1016 00:47:01,902 --> 00:47:04,571 Speaker: Today's ceremony marks the official closure 1017 00:47:04,655 --> 00:47:06,949 of Ford Ord as an Army installation 1018 00:47:07,032 --> 00:47:11,870 and brings to an end a period of 77 years of cooperation 1019 00:47:11,954 --> 00:47:15,123 between the military personnel assigned to Ford Ord 1020 00:47:15,207 --> 00:47:18,835 and the people of the Monterey Peninsula. 1021 00:47:18,919 --> 00:47:22,005 Jeff: When they started to close down the military bases, 1022 00:47:22,089 --> 00:47:24,550 Fort Ord was selected for one of those. 1023 00:47:24,633 --> 00:47:27,261 And that forced us to look for a job elsewhere. 1024 00:47:27,344 --> 00:47:28,720 We happen to have friends 1025 00:47:28,804 --> 00:47:31,056 at Walter Reed in Washington, D.C. 1026 00:47:31,139 --> 00:47:34,101 And they said, "Hey, we think we can get you on staff here." 1027 00:47:34,184 --> 00:47:36,436 And I said, "Well, we're moving to Virginia. 1028 00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:38,313 We're starting over again." 1029 00:47:38,397 --> 00:47:39,898 And Roseanna 1030 00:47:39,982 --> 00:47:43,235 also applied for a position there and was accepted. 1031 00:47:43,318 --> 00:47:46,405 Again, it wasn't in her favorite area of microbiology. 1032 00:47:46,488 --> 00:47:48,740 It was in another section called immunology. 1033 00:47:48,824 --> 00:47:50,158 In this section, 1034 00:47:50,242 --> 00:47:53,412 Roseanna dealt with samples from AIDS patients. 1035 00:47:53,495 --> 00:47:55,080 One day while she was working, 1036 00:47:55,163 --> 00:47:57,749 she inadvertently stabbed herself with a needle 1037 00:47:57,833 --> 00:48:00,460 while extracting some blood from one of the tubes. 1038 00:48:00,544 --> 00:48:02,546 And, of course, she was worried, 1039 00:48:02,629 --> 00:48:05,340 you know, that, that she might contract the virus, 1040 00:48:05,424 --> 00:48:06,383 but she didn't. 1041 00:48:06,466 --> 00:48:08,010 We now have, uh, every day, 1042 00:48:08,093 --> 00:48:12,306 1,900 people in hospital beds with HIV illness. 1043 00:48:12,389 --> 00:48:15,100 Uh, by 1993, we are gonna need 1044 00:48:15,183 --> 00:48:17,769 4,000 to 5,000 hospital beds a day. 1045 00:48:17,853 --> 00:48:19,605 Dustin: Gay people were fighting for their lives . 1046 00:48:19,688 --> 00:48:21,690 I mean, this is in the middle of the AIDS epidemic 1047 00:48:21,773 --> 00:48:23,275 and there was no treatment. 1048 00:48:23,358 --> 00:48:24,860 This isn't the time where you came out 1049 00:48:24,943 --> 00:48:27,529 and it was just a Pride parade and a party. 1050 00:48:27,613 --> 00:48:28,739 It was complicated. 1051 00:48:30,866 --> 00:48:32,159 Ryan: When we moved to Los Angeles, 1052 00:48:32,242 --> 00:48:34,911 I thought that I would have a new opportunity 1053 00:48:34,995 --> 00:48:36,496 to rediscover myself. 1054 00:48:36,580 --> 00:48:39,625 And I didn't feel comfortable even then. 1055 00:48:39,708 --> 00:48:41,126 I didn't have a whole lot of friends. 1056 00:48:41,209 --> 00:48:42,419 I didn't really have any friends. 1057 00:48:42,502 --> 00:48:44,212 The first two years we were in LA, 1058 00:48:44,296 --> 00:48:46,381 all I had was Lance and I didn't really go anywhere. 1059 00:48:46,465 --> 00:48:50,177 And I was even more terrified of the possibility of even 1060 00:48:50,260 --> 00:48:51,511 telling anyone that I was gay. 1061 00:48:51,595 --> 00:48:53,221 And at that point, I think I was heading 1062 00:48:53,305 --> 00:48:55,223 for a heart attack, just gaining a lot of weight 1063 00:48:55,307 --> 00:48:58,477 and being really, really sad. 1064 00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:02,230 Dustin: I had suspected and kind of known Ryan was gay 1065 00:49:02,314 --> 00:49:06,360 and I started pushing him to do what I knew I couldn't do, 1066 00:49:06,443 --> 00:49:09,029 that I was too afraid to do. It's, like, I wanted to see it. 1067 00:49:09,112 --> 00:49:11,114 What does it look like for someone to come out? 1068 00:49:11,198 --> 00:49:12,699 And I wanted to hear it. 1069 00:49:12,783 --> 00:49:15,202 And I wanted to know if he survived it. 1070 00:49:16,119 --> 00:49:17,537 I mean, it's rather cruel. 1071 00:49:17,621 --> 00:49:21,041 Ryan: Lance had finished at Pasadena City College. 1072 00:49:21,124 --> 00:49:23,001 There was a, a summer break there 1073 00:49:23,085 --> 00:49:26,588 where we were gonna be apart from each other for the summer. 1074 00:49:26,672 --> 00:49:29,299 And so, we had stayed up all night talking 1075 00:49:29,383 --> 00:49:32,594 and Lance just kept hammering me about, you know, 1076 00:49:32,678 --> 00:49:35,263 "Why haven't you brought any girls over to the house?" 1077 00:49:35,347 --> 00:49:38,058 By the end of the night, I would just, you know-- I'll tell you. 1078 00:49:38,141 --> 00:49:40,435 Like, it's, it's what you think it is. 1079 00:49:40,519 --> 00:49:42,062 He said it. 1080 00:49:42,145 --> 00:49:43,897 Eventually, he came out to me. 1081 00:49:43,980 --> 00:49:45,857 And I said, "Well, okay, you know, 1082 00:49:45,941 --> 00:49:48,193 I understand. I hear you." 1083 00:49:48,276 --> 00:49:52,155 Um, "I don't know if we can still be friends. I don't know." 1084 00:49:52,239 --> 00:49:56,827 Ryan: It was scary because he said things such as like, 1085 00:49:56,910 --> 00:49:58,495 "I don't know if we can be friends anymore, 1086 00:49:58,578 --> 00:50:01,623 if our friendship is gonna be the same because of this." 1087 00:50:01,707 --> 00:50:04,084 And so, I thought I lost him. 1088 00:50:04,167 --> 00:50:06,044 Dustin: I mean, I was saying all the things I thought 1089 00:50:06,128 --> 00:50:07,379 a genuinely straight person 1090 00:50:07,462 --> 00:50:09,297 was supposed to say to a person who came out. 1091 00:50:09,381 --> 00:50:11,758 I was playing a part. I was playing a role. 1092 00:50:11,842 --> 00:50:13,844 And it really hurt him. 1093 00:50:13,927 --> 00:50:16,096 I was treating people really poorly. 1094 00:50:16,179 --> 00:50:18,765 You wanna know the recipe for treating people like shit? 1095 00:50:18,849 --> 00:50:20,559 Hate yourself. 1096 00:50:20,642 --> 00:50:22,519 You turn into a monster. 1097 00:50:22,602 --> 00:50:24,479 And we didn't talk much that summer. 1098 00:50:24,563 --> 00:50:27,315 And that summer, I was in Virginia with my family 1099 00:50:27,399 --> 00:50:29,735 and had a girlfriend for the first time. 1100 00:50:29,818 --> 00:50:32,070 I mean... 1101 00:50:32,154 --> 00:50:34,114 I just didn't want to be gay. 1102 00:50:34,197 --> 00:50:35,699 Ryan: There was one phone call that we had 1103 00:50:35,782 --> 00:50:37,784 towards the end of the summer where I told him, you know, 1104 00:50:37,868 --> 00:50:39,244 "Are we gonna still be roommates?" 1105 00:50:39,327 --> 00:50:40,746 Like, "What's gonna happen?" 1106 00:50:40,829 --> 00:50:42,330 And then I told him, "You know, I really, 1107 00:50:42,414 --> 00:50:43,749 really miss you." 1108 00:50:43,832 --> 00:50:45,834 He's like, "Look out the window. Do you see the moon?" 1109 00:50:45,917 --> 00:50:47,335 And I'm like, "Yeah, I can see the moon." 1110 00:50:47,419 --> 00:50:48,879 He's like, "I'm lookin' at the moon, too." 1111 00:50:48,962 --> 00:50:50,589 We're like, "We're lookin' at the same thing right now." 1112 00:50:50,672 --> 00:50:52,257 It's like, "We're gonna be friends." 1113 00:50:52,340 --> 00:50:54,760 Ryan and I realized just how much we missed each other 1114 00:50:54,843 --> 00:50:56,678 and he agreed to two more years 1115 00:50:56,762 --> 00:50:59,431 to see me through UCLA. 1116 00:50:59,514 --> 00:51:01,975 And so, I flew back to Los Angeles 1117 00:51:02,058 --> 00:51:04,644 and I met Ryan here. 1118 00:51:04,728 --> 00:51:07,397 But the man who walked into the room 1119 00:51:07,481 --> 00:51:10,734 was not the Ryan I had left. 1120 00:51:10,817 --> 00:51:13,612 Mustache, gone. Head, shaved. 1121 00:51:13,695 --> 00:51:16,782 Body, lean and tan and tattooed. 1122 00:51:16,865 --> 00:51:19,409 I had left him in wreckage 1123 00:51:19,493 --> 00:51:21,745 and he'd risen like a phoenix. 1124 00:51:21,828 --> 00:51:25,165 While I'm here at UCLA, he starts bringing home all of these new friends 1125 00:51:25,248 --> 00:51:27,083 from a place called West Hollywood. 1126 00:51:27,167 --> 00:51:29,336 And this is a time when young queer kids 1127 00:51:29,419 --> 00:51:31,338 were attacked and killed, 1128 00:51:31,421 --> 00:51:33,131 even in West Hollywood. 1129 00:51:33,215 --> 00:51:36,259 And Ryan was a genuine protector, 1130 00:51:36,343 --> 00:51:39,346 which meant my house was filled with the cutest boys 1131 00:51:39,429 --> 00:51:41,807 who were out and gay and had gaydar 1132 00:51:41,890 --> 00:51:44,476 and I could see them seeing me. 1133 00:51:44,559 --> 00:51:46,436 And the clock was ticking. 1134 00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:48,522 I mean, it was either... 1135 00:51:48,605 --> 00:51:53,318 run away, jump off a bridge , or come out. 1136 00:51:53,401 --> 00:51:55,737 And I, over the course of the next few days, 1137 00:51:55,821 --> 00:51:57,739 wrote this manifesto. 1138 00:51:57,823 --> 00:51:59,950 Ryan: He came to my room and he said, 1139 00:52:00,033 --> 00:52:02,369 "What would you think if I told you I was gay?" 1140 00:52:02,452 --> 00:52:04,788 And I said, "I would probably hate you." 1141 00:52:04,871 --> 00:52:08,792 And the reason I said that is because he put me through so much when I came out. 1142 00:52:08,875 --> 00:52:11,294 After that morning when he told me that, 1143 00:52:11,378 --> 00:52:14,673 I got up late for work and he had already gone to school. 1144 00:52:14,756 --> 00:52:17,676 And on the mirror of our bathroom, he wrote in soap, 1145 00:52:17,759 --> 00:52:19,553 "Read this page for page, word for word, 1146 00:52:19,636 --> 00:52:22,430 and whatever you decide to do is fine with me." 1147 00:52:22,514 --> 00:52:24,641 And on the counter, it was a big arrow pointing down 1148 00:52:24,724 --> 00:52:26,977 to this manifesto that he had written. 1149 00:52:27,060 --> 00:52:28,645 So, I start reading the first few pages 1150 00:52:28,728 --> 00:52:30,605 and I start thinking to myself, "Oh, my God. 1151 00:52:30,689 --> 00:52:32,774 Like, what's going on? Is he gonna hurt himself?" 1152 00:52:32,858 --> 00:52:35,360 And I, I was panicking looking at this. 1153 00:52:35,443 --> 00:52:37,028 And at the very last page, 1154 00:52:37,112 --> 00:52:39,197 there was these two dime roles on it 1155 00:52:39,281 --> 00:52:41,116 and it just says, "I, Dustin Lance Black," 1156 00:52:41,199 --> 00:52:44,202 and you flip it over, "am gay." 1157 00:52:44,286 --> 00:52:45,829 And I was like, "Oh, my God." 1158 00:52:45,912 --> 00:52:48,123 And so, I, I immediately ran out of the house 1159 00:52:48,206 --> 00:52:50,000 because I didn't know what he was going to do. 1160 00:52:50,083 --> 00:52:53,420 And I saw him walking up and he stopped. 1161 00:52:53,503 --> 00:52:56,256 The thing that's most memorable from that moment 1162 00:52:56,339 --> 00:52:58,592 is he looked at me and said, "Happy birthday." 1163 00:52:58,675 --> 00:53:01,761 He said, "Well, this is the first day 1164 00:53:01,845 --> 00:53:05,765 of the rest of your life, the first day of the real you." 1165 00:53:07,017 --> 00:53:11,104 But I had a lot to lose, including my own family. 1166 00:53:11,187 --> 00:53:14,024 And I knew that that day would eventually come. 1167 00:53:14,107 --> 00:53:17,319 Where if she found out, I would lose my mom. 1168 00:53:20,655 --> 00:53:22,574 We never missed a Christmas. 1169 00:53:22,657 --> 00:53:25,160 My mom always wanted to make sure that 1170 00:53:25,243 --> 00:53:27,579 every Christmas was better than the last. 1171 00:53:27,662 --> 00:53:31,124 But the year I came out in Los Angeles, 1172 00:53:31,207 --> 00:53:33,960 I remember saying, "Oh, I can only come home for a couple days." 1173 00:53:34,044 --> 00:53:37,589 Thinking that if I was just home for less time, 1174 00:53:37,672 --> 00:53:39,257 she wouldn't figure it out. 1175 00:53:39,341 --> 00:53:42,260 And so, I always had an excuse for going to my room, 1176 00:53:42,344 --> 00:53:44,429 going to bed, being away from everyone, 1177 00:53:44,512 --> 00:53:45,931 not sharing stories. 1178 00:53:46,014 --> 00:53:47,682 And my mom really felt it. 1179 00:53:47,766 --> 00:53:50,560 So, I just remember being in the bedroom 1180 00:53:50,644 --> 00:53:53,313 and I hear this sound coming down the hall, 1181 00:53:53,396 --> 00:53:56,566 this click clack, click clack, click clack, click clack. 1182 00:53:56,650 --> 00:53:58,151 It's the sound I've heard my whole life, 1183 00:53:58,234 --> 00:54:01,279 braces and crutches coming down the hall to the room. 1184 00:54:01,363 --> 00:54:03,114 And she comes in and she sits down on the bed 1185 00:54:03,198 --> 00:54:05,450 and she puts her crutches down beside her 1186 00:54:05,533 --> 00:54:06,701 how she always would. 1187 00:54:06,785 --> 00:54:07,786 I wasn't gonna talk, 1188 00:54:07,869 --> 00:54:09,162 so she starts with the news of the day. 1189 00:54:09,245 --> 00:54:10,830 And the news of the day at the time was a thing called 1190 00:54:10,914 --> 00:54:13,333 "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." 1191 00:54:13,416 --> 00:54:17,671 Which meant that as long as gay people didn't shout out 1192 00:54:17,754 --> 00:54:19,589 that they were gay and didn't come out in the military, 1193 00:54:19,673 --> 00:54:22,092 they could participate and no one would ask that question. 1194 00:54:22,175 --> 00:54:25,011 It is right because it provides greater protection 1195 00:54:25,095 --> 00:54:26,680 to those who happen to be homosexual 1196 00:54:26,763 --> 00:54:29,808 and want to serve their country honorably in uniform, 1197 00:54:29,891 --> 00:54:32,310 obeying all the military's rules 1198 00:54:32,394 --> 00:54:34,020 against sexual misconduct. 1199 00:54:34,104 --> 00:54:36,815 Dustin: But it was seen as a terrible betrayal by gay people 1200 00:54:36,898 --> 00:54:39,484 because it shut the closet door on them. 1201 00:54:39,567 --> 00:54:40,735 But to others, like my mom, 1202 00:54:40,819 --> 00:54:43,029 it was actually seen as too accommodating. 1203 00:54:43,113 --> 00:54:46,324 And so, she just starts going off about how could 1204 00:54:46,408 --> 00:54:48,827 Bill Clinton sign this law 1205 00:54:48,910 --> 00:54:51,830 that lets these deviants, these perverts, these sinners 1206 00:54:51,913 --> 00:54:53,873 into her good military. 1207 00:54:53,957 --> 00:54:55,834 And I closed my eyes 1208 00:54:55,917 --> 00:55:01,172 and I felt that tear blaze down my cheek. 1209 00:55:02,549 --> 00:55:04,175 And she knew. 1210 00:55:06,636 --> 00:55:08,596 And it was not good news. 1211 00:55:08,680 --> 00:55:12,100 And I just remember her finally speaking... 1212 00:55:13,226 --> 00:55:15,353 and she just said, "Why? 1213 00:55:17,897 --> 00:55:21,651 Why, why would you choose this?" 1214 00:55:25,739 --> 00:55:29,492 But I looked at her legs inside those braces 1215 00:55:29,576 --> 00:55:31,995 and I looked at those crutches behind her... 1216 00:55:33,204 --> 00:55:36,166 and I said, "Why did you choose those?" 1217 00:55:36,249 --> 00:55:38,418 And it was just silent. 1218 00:55:40,837 --> 00:55:43,965 The closest person in my life, my hero, 1219 00:55:44,049 --> 00:55:46,426 was disappointed in me. 1220 00:55:46,509 --> 00:55:48,553 I went back to California 1221 00:55:48,636 --> 00:55:51,056 knowing that my mom didn't accept me 1222 00:55:51,139 --> 00:55:53,183 and we started to drift apart... 1223 00:55:53,266 --> 00:55:55,435 in her America, 1224 00:55:55,518 --> 00:55:58,646 the faithful, southern, 1225 00:55:58,730 --> 00:56:00,440 red, 1226 00:56:00,523 --> 00:56:03,109 and me in California, 1227 00:56:03,193 --> 00:56:04,486 blue... 1228 00:56:05,236 --> 00:56:06,988 progressive... 1229 00:56:08,406 --> 00:56:09,699 and queer. 1230 00:56:13,661 --> 00:56:16,247 The next six months or so just raced by. 1231 00:56:16,331 --> 00:56:19,459 And now, what's coming is graduation. 1232 00:56:19,542 --> 00:56:22,462 And I'm now living with Ryan and one other roommate 1233 00:56:22,545 --> 00:56:24,798 and we decide we're gonna throw this party. 1234 00:56:24,881 --> 00:56:26,257 And we're in this little apartment 1235 00:56:26,341 --> 00:56:29,803 filled with friends, many of whom are LGBTQ, 1236 00:56:29,886 --> 00:56:32,639 and I hear that familiar sound again, 1237 00:56:32,722 --> 00:56:35,183 click clack, click clack, click clack coming. 1238 00:56:35,266 --> 00:56:38,144 I hear the knock on the door and I open it up 1239 00:56:38,228 --> 00:56:40,772 and there she was, my little southern mom 1240 00:56:40,855 --> 00:56:44,317 in her braces and crutches, had come for my graduation. 1241 00:56:44,400 --> 00:56:46,945 And I had not told her 1242 00:56:47,028 --> 00:56:49,614 that so many of my friends were queer. 1243 00:56:49,697 --> 00:56:53,451 I also hadn't told my friends that my mom hadn't accepted me. 1244 00:56:53,535 --> 00:56:57,080 And at this time, there aren't a whole lot of accepting parents. 1245 00:56:57,163 --> 00:57:01,084 So, they thought, "Oh, my gosh, she's the mother who loves her queer son." 1246 00:57:01,167 --> 00:57:03,670 I mean, this was remarkable to them. 1247 00:57:03,753 --> 00:57:05,839 Ryan: I didn't know that it had been taken so negatively. 1248 00:57:05,922 --> 00:57:09,050 So I thought we were good, you know, with Anne coming out. 1249 00:57:09,134 --> 00:57:11,803 And I thought that this was going to be just a fun event. 1250 00:57:11,886 --> 00:57:13,721 She gets to meet some of Lance's friends. 1251 00:57:13,805 --> 00:57:16,850 Dustin: And they start sharing their queer stories, 1252 00:57:16,933 --> 00:57:18,518 their very personal stories to her 1253 00:57:18,601 --> 00:57:21,980 and talking about gay sex and how lesbians do it. 1254 00:57:22,063 --> 00:57:24,023 And it just kept getting deeper and deeper and deeper 1255 00:57:24,107 --> 00:57:26,651 and I think Ryan thought it was probably hilarious. 1256 00:57:26,734 --> 00:57:31,322 I'm absolutely terrified because I didn't expect that. 1257 00:57:31,406 --> 00:57:34,826 And so now, I start seeing all of my friends leaving 1258 00:57:34,909 --> 00:57:41,332 and my mom just pats the, uh, the, the cushion of the futon. 1259 00:57:41,416 --> 00:57:45,253 And, uh, that means, "Come on, it's time. Come sit next to Mom." 1260 00:57:45,336 --> 00:57:49,591 Now, one of these friends at the party, Jason-- 1261 00:57:49,674 --> 00:57:52,552 Ooh, I just was so incredibly in love with Jason. 1262 00:57:52,635 --> 00:57:55,388 Jason didn't really give me the time of day. 1263 00:57:55,471 --> 00:57:57,432 And my mom lead with that. 1264 00:57:57,515 --> 00:57:59,851 She said, "Well, I had a long conversation with him. 1265 00:57:59,934 --> 00:58:02,353 "And, you know, I told him that I think he ought 1266 00:58:02,437 --> 00:58:04,355 "to start treating my son better. 1267 00:58:04,439 --> 00:58:08,776 "And that maybe he, um, ought to take my son out to dinner. 1268 00:58:08,860 --> 00:58:11,905 And because he's a bit older, he should pay." 1269 00:58:14,490 --> 00:58:17,243 (chuckles, cries) 1270 00:58:19,287 --> 00:58:21,706 She just wrapped her arms around me 1271 00:58:21,789 --> 00:58:24,209 and held me so incredibly tight. 1272 00:58:25,501 --> 00:58:30,632 It was the first time my mom had ever held me 1273 00:58:30,715 --> 00:58:36,512 and loved me for me... every bit of me. 1274 00:58:36,596 --> 00:58:38,765 Ryan: For Anne to absorb all that in one night, 1275 00:58:38,848 --> 00:58:42,060 just having that emotional connection with so many people, 1276 00:58:42,143 --> 00:58:45,230 it's, it's mind-blowing to think that, in one night, 1277 00:58:45,313 --> 00:58:48,399 like, her opinion was switched. 1278 00:58:48,483 --> 00:58:51,527 Dustin: It happened because my mother was courageous enough 1279 00:58:51,611 --> 00:58:57,033 to share a space... with my friends and listen. 1280 00:58:57,116 --> 00:58:59,744 That's how powerful 1281 00:58:59,827 --> 00:59:03,915 story in a shared space is. 1282 00:59:03,998 --> 00:59:08,086 You might still disagree, but you start to change. 1283 00:59:08,169 --> 00:59:10,588 A bridge is built. 1284 00:59:10,672 --> 00:59:13,299 So, after graduation, I waited tables 1285 00:59:13,383 --> 00:59:16,177 and I grabbed any and every opportunity I could 1286 00:59:16,261 --> 00:59:19,973 to tell gay stories, documentaries, short films, 1287 00:59:20,056 --> 00:59:22,141 gay episodes of BBC's "Faking It," 1288 00:59:22,225 --> 00:59:24,143 and then a big break. 1289 00:59:24,227 --> 00:59:27,146 Director Paris Barclay read a script of mine 1290 00:59:27,230 --> 00:59:29,691 and asked if I would write the screenplay 1291 00:59:29,774 --> 00:59:34,612 about the gay HIV activist Pedro Zamora. 1292 00:59:34,696 --> 00:59:36,572 Paris Barclay: Well, there's two things I discovered about Lance 1293 00:59:36,656 --> 00:59:38,116 when we worked together on "Pedro," 1294 00:59:38,199 --> 00:59:40,285 which is this unique sense of humor 1295 00:59:40,368 --> 00:59:43,579 and this ability to structure things in very unusual ways. 1296 00:59:43,663 --> 00:59:45,790 And if you're dealing with a real person, 1297 00:59:45,873 --> 00:59:47,417 in the case of Pedro Zamora, 1298 00:59:47,500 --> 00:59:50,253 he's completely committed to that real person's life 1299 00:59:50,336 --> 00:59:53,339 being presented in the most correct way possible. 1300 00:59:53,423 --> 00:59:55,341 He really wanted to get at the truth. 1301 00:59:55,425 --> 00:59:57,427 And then, Lance writes "Milk," 1302 00:59:57,510 --> 01:00:00,763 which had an urgency about it and a potency, 1303 01:00:00,847 --> 01:00:03,057 and that story would help impassion people 1304 01:00:03,141 --> 01:00:05,810 and, I thought, find a place to put that passion. 1305 01:00:07,270 --> 01:00:08,896 Reporter: As political parades go, 1306 01:00:08,980 --> 01:00:10,440 it was a little unusual. 1307 01:00:10,523 --> 01:00:12,900 Harvey Milk on his way to City Hall to be sworn in 1308 01:00:12,984 --> 01:00:15,069 as a supervisor in San Francisco. 1309 01:00:15,153 --> 01:00:17,488 I will fight to represent my constituents. 1310 01:00:17,572 --> 01:00:20,950 I will fight to represent the city and county of San Francisco. 1311 01:00:21,034 --> 01:00:22,994 I will fight to give those people 1312 01:00:23,077 --> 01:00:25,371 who had once walked away, hope, 1313 01:00:25,455 --> 01:00:27,957 so that those people will walk back in. 1314 01:00:28,041 --> 01:00:31,044 -Thank you very much. -(applause) 1315 01:00:31,127 --> 01:00:34,005 Anne Kronenberg: I worked for Harvey Milk when I was a young woman. 1316 01:00:34,088 --> 01:00:39,385 And what Harvey Milk tried to do in the 1970s 1317 01:00:39,469 --> 01:00:43,222 was to create an environment of equality 1318 01:00:43,306 --> 01:00:48,019 regardless of sexual orientation or color of your skin. 1319 01:00:48,102 --> 01:00:51,939 Harvey Milk: If I'm fighting for the rights of gay people, and I am, 1320 01:00:52,023 --> 01:00:54,609 then I must fight for the rights of all people, 1321 01:00:54,692 --> 01:00:56,527 you know, all the minorities, the senior citizens, 1322 01:00:56,611 --> 01:00:58,696 the handicapped, the disenfranchised people, 1323 01:00:58,780 --> 01:00:59,739 or I'm a hypocrite. 1324 01:00:59,822 --> 01:01:01,115 Anne: Harvey was able to pass 1325 01:01:01,199 --> 01:01:03,117 a gay rights ordinance in San Francisco, 1326 01:01:03,201 --> 01:01:06,913 so that people could not be discriminated against if they were gay. 1327 01:01:06,996 --> 01:01:12,043 But on November 27, 1978, Harvey was assassinated. 1328 01:01:12,126 --> 01:01:14,337 Dianne Feinstein: Both Mayor Moscone 1329 01:01:14,420 --> 01:01:16,923 and supervisor Harvey Milk 1330 01:01:17,006 --> 01:01:19,092 have been shot and killed. 1331 01:01:19,175 --> 01:01:21,260 -(crowd groans, exclaims) -Person: Jesus Christ! 1332 01:01:21,344 --> 01:01:26,015 The suspect is supervisor Dan White. 1333 01:01:26,099 --> 01:01:27,934 Dustin: I first heard the story of Harvey Milk 1334 01:01:28,017 --> 01:01:29,852 when I was a closeted teenager. 1335 01:01:29,936 --> 01:01:32,355 I mean, I learned that there was such a thing as an out gay person. 1336 01:01:32,438 --> 01:01:33,773 I didn't know that that existed. 1337 01:01:33,856 --> 01:01:36,359 And I heard the story of a man who believed 1338 01:01:36,442 --> 01:01:38,486 that minorities and disenfranchised folks, 1339 01:01:38,569 --> 01:01:40,822 including gay people and disabled people, 1340 01:01:40,905 --> 01:01:44,283 could come together to win more acceptance, to have better lives. 1341 01:01:44,367 --> 01:01:46,452 And that message gave me hope. 1342 01:01:46,536 --> 01:01:48,704 But that life-saving message, by the 2000s, 1343 01:01:48,788 --> 01:01:51,958 was mostly lost to history, forgotten. 1344 01:01:52,041 --> 01:01:53,835 Anne: After Harvey Milk's assassination, 1345 01:01:53,918 --> 01:01:57,463 there were many attempts at trying to make a movie about his life. 1346 01:01:57,547 --> 01:02:00,967 And I spoke to numerous people over the years 1347 01:02:01,050 --> 01:02:04,470 and the screenplays or the scripts were horrible. 1348 01:02:04,554 --> 01:02:07,473 And so, I had come to believe that 1349 01:02:07,557 --> 01:02:10,309 I would never see anything made about Harvey. 1350 01:02:10,393 --> 01:02:13,855 And out of the blue one day in 2007, 1351 01:02:13,938 --> 01:02:17,108 Lance came to my office and he was so intense 1352 01:02:17,191 --> 01:02:20,611 and he was so passionate about the project. 1353 01:02:20,695 --> 01:02:24,031 And he let me read the script and I knew from that moment 1354 01:02:24,115 --> 01:02:25,783 that everything was gonna work out. 1355 01:02:25,867 --> 01:02:28,244 -(crowd cheering) -My name is Harvey Milk 1356 01:02:28,327 --> 01:02:30,288 and I'm here to recruit you. 1357 01:02:30,371 --> 01:02:31,914 Dustin: Getting "Milk" made 1358 01:02:31,998 --> 01:02:35,334 was a huge challenge. 1359 01:02:35,418 --> 01:02:36,794 It was a spec script. 1360 01:02:36,878 --> 01:02:38,337 It didn't have a studio at first 1361 01:02:38,421 --> 01:02:42,592 because I was working on a show called "Big Love" at HBO, 1362 01:02:42,675 --> 01:02:44,969 but I wasn't a big-time writer yet. 1363 01:02:45,052 --> 01:02:48,431 And so, it was a bit of a coup that 1364 01:02:48,514 --> 01:02:52,101 I had gone head-to-head with a competing project at Warner Bros. 1365 01:02:52,185 --> 01:02:55,354 and here we were, in San Francisco, 1366 01:02:55,438 --> 01:02:58,733 with Gus Van Sant directing, Sean Penn starring, 1367 01:02:58,816 --> 01:03:02,820 and we're making this film about my great hero, 1368 01:03:02,904 --> 01:03:04,697 a film a lot of people in Hollywood 1369 01:03:04,780 --> 01:03:07,366 were probably hoping would fall apart. 1370 01:03:07,450 --> 01:03:09,660 And so, I just was dedicated to gettin' it right. 1371 01:03:09,744 --> 01:03:13,956 Jeff: When Lance was writing the script, 1372 01:03:14,040 --> 01:03:17,543 he would send drafts of the "Milk" script 1373 01:03:17,627 --> 01:03:21,297 to her to review and to ask her opinion. 1374 01:03:21,380 --> 01:03:23,216 And she thrived on that with him. 1375 01:03:23,299 --> 01:03:28,721 We will no longer sit quietly in the closet. 1376 01:03:28,804 --> 01:03:30,598 We must fight. 1377 01:03:30,681 --> 01:03:34,310 Lance felt that Harvey's story needed to be told 1378 01:03:34,393 --> 01:03:35,895 to a wider group of people 1379 01:03:35,978 --> 01:03:38,231 because Harvey had given him hope 1380 01:03:38,314 --> 01:03:41,192 and I think he wanted to be able to pass that on 1381 01:03:41,275 --> 01:03:42,944 to the next generation. 1382 01:03:43,027 --> 01:03:44,737 Dustin: I was so focused on "Milk," 1383 01:03:44,820 --> 01:03:47,949 I was ignoring incoming messages and calls. 1384 01:03:48,032 --> 01:03:50,910 And the one that I was receiving most frequently 1385 01:03:50,993 --> 01:03:53,496 was from Marcus, from my big brother, 1386 01:03:53,579 --> 01:03:56,707 'cause he was in Virginia at this point living with my mom. 1387 01:03:56,791 --> 01:03:59,085 And it would be a few weeks into the shoot of "Milk" 1388 01:03:59,168 --> 01:04:02,421 before I finally picked up the phone on a Sunday 1389 01:04:02,505 --> 01:04:06,592 and I said, "Hey, bro. Hey, Marcus, what's up?" 1390 01:04:06,676 --> 01:04:09,095 "I really need to talk to you." 1391 01:04:09,178 --> 01:04:12,098 You know, and I went, "Oh, God," you know, 1392 01:04:12,181 --> 01:04:14,016 "Did you get someone pregnant?" 1393 01:04:14,100 --> 01:04:17,979 You know, "Is-- What do you need? Like, what happened?" 1394 01:04:18,062 --> 01:04:21,399 And he said, "No, no, no, no. You know Larry?" 1395 01:04:21,482 --> 01:04:24,277 I said, "Yeah," you know, "I know your friend Larry." 1396 01:04:24,360 --> 01:04:26,112 "Well, um... 1397 01:04:27,738 --> 01:04:30,575 Larry broke up with me." 1398 01:04:30,658 --> 01:04:32,827 And I just was like, I-- That-- 1399 01:04:32,910 --> 01:04:35,413 I'm sorry, this does not compute. 1400 01:04:35,496 --> 01:04:38,165 And he said, "Larry's afraid if anybody finds out 1401 01:04:38,249 --> 01:04:40,543 "what'll happen to us. 1402 01:04:40,626 --> 01:04:45,131 And I love him... but he's afraid." 1403 01:04:45,214 --> 01:04:47,466 My brother is coming out to me. 1404 01:04:47,550 --> 01:04:48,843 I'm shocked. 1405 01:04:48,926 --> 01:04:50,511 I'm confused, but I'm gonna get it right. 1406 01:04:50,595 --> 01:04:52,972 And I, I said, "Well, you came to the right guy, right? 1407 01:04:53,055 --> 01:04:54,348 "I've got every hope speech 1408 01:04:54,432 --> 01:04:56,058 "in the world memorized right now. 1409 01:04:56,142 --> 01:04:58,477 I can tell you how it's going to get better." 1410 01:04:58,561 --> 01:05:03,858 And truly, nothing I said made a difference. 1411 01:05:03,941 --> 01:05:07,945 He just was like, "Yeah, okay, all right. 1412 01:05:08,029 --> 01:05:09,697 I'll talk to you later, bro." 1413 01:05:09,780 --> 01:05:14,493 He hung up, as despondent and broken as when the call began. 1414 01:05:14,577 --> 01:05:16,287 And it hit me 1415 01:05:16,370 --> 01:05:20,583 that he was coming out in rural Virginia 1416 01:05:20,666 --> 01:05:23,002 where there were no protections at the time, 1417 01:05:23,085 --> 01:05:25,796 no protections for housing, for employment. 1418 01:05:25,880 --> 01:05:30,009 So, Larry and Marcus literally had every reason to be afraid. 1419 01:05:30,092 --> 01:05:32,428 And I thought, it was one of those first moments 1420 01:05:32,511 --> 01:05:36,682 where I went, "My God, we live in, at least, two Americas." 1421 01:05:36,766 --> 01:05:38,601 I mean, how can we live in the same country 1422 01:05:38,684 --> 01:05:41,896 and he's afraid for his job, and his home, and his life 1423 01:05:41,979 --> 01:05:43,898 and I can be in California 1424 01:05:43,981 --> 01:05:46,150 where I can be relatively stable and safe? 1425 01:05:46,233 --> 01:05:48,736 And here I am making this civil rights movie 1426 01:05:48,819 --> 01:05:50,321 that's supposed to be very hopeful 1427 01:05:50,404 --> 01:05:52,948 and I feel like I've somehow left my brother 1428 01:05:53,032 --> 01:05:55,576 out of all of that. 1429 01:05:55,660 --> 01:05:57,370 The first solution we came up with 1430 01:05:57,453 --> 01:06:00,790 was for my brother to move from Virginia to California. 1431 01:06:00,873 --> 01:06:02,249 And he moved in with me. 1432 01:06:02,333 --> 01:06:06,087 And he tried and really failed with any kind of dating. 1433 01:06:06,170 --> 01:06:08,381 I remember coming home one day 1434 01:06:08,464 --> 01:06:12,718 and he started to cry and he just said... 1435 01:06:12,802 --> 01:06:16,222 "Are, are there any gays like me?" 1436 01:06:16,305 --> 01:06:18,057 Rebecca: Marcus was a man's man. 1437 01:06:18,140 --> 01:06:22,019 Marcus could talk to other men about cars for hours 1438 01:06:22,103 --> 01:06:25,523 and that wasn't a kind of gay you could be back then. 1439 01:06:25,606 --> 01:06:27,525 And I think that's one of the things 1440 01:06:27,608 --> 01:06:30,194 that probably kept him in the closet for so long 1441 01:06:30,277 --> 01:06:33,072 is that there was one way to be gay 1442 01:06:33,155 --> 01:06:35,574 and that was the way Lance is gay. 1443 01:06:35,658 --> 01:06:36,867 'Cause I was the same way. 1444 01:06:36,951 --> 01:06:39,870 When I went to college, I came out as a lesbian. 1445 01:06:39,954 --> 01:06:42,832 And I went to Lilith Fair and I was a heavy metal chick. 1446 01:06:42,915 --> 01:06:45,418 And I was like, "This music fuckin' sucks," you know? 1447 01:06:45,501 --> 01:06:47,128 I was like, maybe I'm not a lesbian 1448 01:06:47,211 --> 01:06:48,754 'cause I don't wanna wear Birkenstocks. 1449 01:06:48,838 --> 01:06:52,049 I don't wanna go to these stupid folk festivals. 1450 01:06:52,133 --> 01:06:53,926 So, maybe, I don't know what I am. 1451 01:06:54,009 --> 01:06:57,430 And I feel like that is what happened for Marcus, too. 1452 01:06:57,513 --> 01:07:00,599 Dustin: Eventually, he started going online, 1453 01:07:00,683 --> 01:07:02,560 trying his best to meet anybody 1454 01:07:02,643 --> 01:07:05,688 who he thought he had something in common with. 1455 01:07:05,771 --> 01:07:07,732 And one day, he up and moved, 1456 01:07:07,815 --> 01:07:10,025 this time, into another corner of America, 1457 01:07:10,109 --> 01:07:13,070 a conservative town in Western Michigan 1458 01:07:13,154 --> 01:07:16,115 and kind of disappeared into a relationship there. 1459 01:07:16,198 --> 01:07:18,617 And I would talk to him intermittently, 1460 01:07:18,701 --> 01:07:20,953 uh, but not a whole lot. 1461 01:07:21,036 --> 01:07:23,664 And I didn't quite know what was going on with him. 1462 01:07:24,623 --> 01:07:26,751 (light music playing) 1463 01:07:29,587 --> 01:07:31,797 Jeff: Roseanna had just retired 1464 01:07:31,881 --> 01:07:35,634 after 27 years of working for the Department of Defense. 1465 01:07:35,718 --> 01:07:40,222 She was given commendations by President and Mrs. Bush 1466 01:07:40,306 --> 01:07:43,058 thanking her for her service to her country. 1467 01:07:43,142 --> 01:07:48,022 There are letters from the mayor of D.C. at the time. 1468 01:07:48,105 --> 01:07:50,274 There are letters from congressmen 1469 01:07:50,357 --> 01:07:52,735 and a Virginia state senator 1470 01:07:52,818 --> 01:07:54,945 for her outstanding work. 1471 01:07:55,029 --> 01:07:58,574 Then, something horrible happened. 1472 01:07:58,657 --> 01:08:00,618 Dustin: When we were doing the score for "Milk," 1473 01:08:00,701 --> 01:08:04,288 we were in London and I got a phone call from my mom. 1474 01:08:04,371 --> 01:08:06,123 And she said, you know, "Can you come home?" 1475 01:08:06,207 --> 01:08:07,583 I'm like, "Well, I'm in the middle of this thing. 1476 01:08:07,666 --> 01:08:10,669 Can you please tell me why?" And she finally confessed 1477 01:08:10,753 --> 01:08:13,464 that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. 1478 01:08:13,547 --> 01:08:16,425 Deborah: It was devastating to the whole family. 1479 01:08:16,509 --> 01:08:19,845 She had been through so much and now to go through this. 1480 01:08:19,929 --> 01:08:22,431 But what was Anne if nothing else? 1481 01:08:22,515 --> 01:08:24,850 She was a fighter. So, she fought it 1482 01:08:24,934 --> 01:08:26,685 just as hard as she could. 1483 01:08:26,769 --> 01:08:30,648 Nannette: She had surgery and radiation, 1484 01:08:30,731 --> 01:08:32,441 but she was struggling, 1485 01:08:32,525 --> 01:08:34,485 not acting like she was struggling, 1486 01:08:34,568 --> 01:08:36,987 but she was struggling. 1487 01:08:37,071 --> 01:08:38,781 Jeff: A hard part with her 1488 01:08:38,864 --> 01:08:41,492 getting into the chemo was she was getting weak. 1489 01:08:41,575 --> 01:08:44,995 She had to get used to being in a wheelchair, 1490 01:08:45,079 --> 01:08:47,164 which she did not like. 1491 01:08:47,248 --> 01:08:50,459 But she just didn't have the physical strength 1492 01:08:50,543 --> 01:08:53,546 to continue to walk on crutches. 1493 01:08:53,629 --> 01:08:57,383 But when we went to the "Milk" premiere... 1494 01:08:57,466 --> 01:09:00,135 she got out of the wheelchair. 1495 01:09:00,219 --> 01:09:06,934 She walked down that red carpet and into the movie theater. 1496 01:09:07,017 --> 01:09:09,478 Dustin: And then I got nominated for an Academy award. 1497 01:09:09,562 --> 01:09:12,106 Almost everyone on the film got nominated. 1498 01:09:12,189 --> 01:09:14,859 It was this incredibly exciting day. 1499 01:09:14,942 --> 01:09:16,902 And my mom calls me up immediately and goes, 1500 01:09:16,986 --> 01:09:19,196 "Oh, my Lancer, I can't believe it!" 1501 01:09:19,280 --> 01:09:22,366 I said to her, "Mom, would you come with me?" 1502 01:09:22,449 --> 01:09:24,451 And she was like, "Oh, my goodness. 1503 01:09:24,535 --> 01:09:26,704 Like, I don't even know if I can." 1504 01:09:26,787 --> 01:09:29,623 Like, a little girl from Lake Providence, Louisiana, 1505 01:09:29,707 --> 01:09:31,667 is gonna go to the Oscars. 1506 01:09:31,750 --> 01:09:34,086 And I said, "Yes, let's do it." 1507 01:09:34,170 --> 01:09:36,755 And at this point, she has a wig on, 1508 01:09:36,839 --> 01:09:38,757 uh, because she's been going through chemotherapy. 1509 01:09:38,841 --> 01:09:41,927 And I'll never forget my mom in her black dress 1510 01:09:42,011 --> 01:09:44,930 just starts pinning something to her dress. 1511 01:09:45,014 --> 01:09:46,515 And when it's all straightened up, 1512 01:09:46,599 --> 01:09:48,559 it's a little white ribbon with a knot in the middle, 1513 01:09:48,642 --> 01:09:50,644 which at the time, had become the symbol 1514 01:09:50,728 --> 01:09:52,897 of support for marriage equality. 1515 01:09:52,980 --> 01:09:55,774 And I thought, "Oh, I never thought I would see that day 1516 01:09:55,858 --> 01:09:57,651 when I came out to her." 1517 01:09:57,735 --> 01:10:01,280 -(audience applauding) -Steve Martin: And the Oscar goes to 1518 01:10:01,363 --> 01:10:04,992 Dustin Lance Black for "Milk." 1519 01:10:05,075 --> 01:10:07,494 To all of the gay and lesbian kids out there tonight 1520 01:10:07,578 --> 01:10:10,497 who have been told that they are less than by their churches, 1521 01:10:10,581 --> 01:10:12,750 or by the government, or by their families, 1522 01:10:12,833 --> 01:10:17,212 that you are beautiful, wonderful creatures of value. 1523 01:10:17,296 --> 01:10:21,091 And that, no matter what anyone tells you, God does love you 1524 01:10:21,175 --> 01:10:22,968 and that very soon, I promise you, 1525 01:10:23,052 --> 01:10:25,387 you will have equal rights, federally, 1526 01:10:25,471 --> 01:10:27,514 across this great nation of ours. 1527 01:10:27,598 --> 01:10:30,559 (applause, cheering) 1528 01:10:30,643 --> 01:10:32,311 Thank you. Thank you. 1529 01:10:32,394 --> 01:10:35,606 And thank you, God, for giving us Harvey Milk. 1530 01:10:35,689 --> 01:10:38,108 Lance took that spotlight and he just targeted 1531 01:10:38,192 --> 01:10:40,277 what he wanted to say to young gays and lesbians 1532 01:10:40,361 --> 01:10:41,779 and it will never be forgotten. 1533 01:10:41,862 --> 01:10:45,115 Millions and millions of gay kids who were like Lance, 1534 01:10:45,199 --> 01:10:48,077 just a few years out of elementary school, 1535 01:10:48,160 --> 01:10:49,620 who saw that and felt seen, 1536 01:10:49,703 --> 01:10:51,956 and felt heard, and felt comforted. 1537 01:10:52,039 --> 01:10:53,958 Chad Griffin: The timing of Lance's Academy speech 1538 01:10:54,041 --> 01:10:57,169 was critically important 'cause it came only months 1539 01:10:57,252 --> 01:11:00,756 after Proposition 8, uh, had passed in California. 1540 01:11:00,839 --> 01:11:03,842 A ballot measure took away the fundamental right 1541 01:11:03,926 --> 01:11:05,886 for LGBTQ people to marry. 1542 01:11:05,970 --> 01:11:08,764 And sent a terrible and dangerous message 1543 01:11:08,847 --> 01:11:11,850 to young people all around, not just the state of California, 1544 01:11:11,934 --> 01:11:14,395 but all around the country and the globe. 1545 01:11:14,478 --> 01:11:18,315 The battle tonight has been won. 1546 01:11:18,399 --> 01:11:19,358 (crowd cheering) 1547 01:11:19,441 --> 01:11:21,151 Reporter: Supporters of Proposition 8, 1548 01:11:21,235 --> 01:11:23,654 which bans same-sex marriage, claim victory. 1549 01:11:23,737 --> 01:11:25,823 It'd already been a bruising campaign. 1550 01:11:25,906 --> 01:11:29,660 Together, both sides raised more than $70 million 1551 01:11:29,743 --> 01:11:32,788 making Prop 8 more expensive than any contest 1552 01:11:32,871 --> 01:11:34,581 other than the presidential race. 1553 01:11:34,665 --> 01:11:36,625 Dustin: And shortly after Prop 8 was passed , 1554 01:11:36,709 --> 01:11:38,877 I'd gotten up and made a promise. 1555 01:11:38,961 --> 01:11:40,546 And my mother had reminded me, 1556 01:11:40,629 --> 01:11:42,172 in her conservative Christian way, 1557 01:11:42,256 --> 01:11:43,966 that a promise is a sacred thing 1558 01:11:44,049 --> 01:11:47,511 and I had a responsibility to fulfill it. 1559 01:11:47,594 --> 01:11:50,264 And for the next five, six years, 1560 01:11:50,347 --> 01:11:52,433 I stopped focusing on making movies. 1561 01:11:52,516 --> 01:11:54,893 All of my attention went into 1562 01:11:54,977 --> 01:11:58,981 how do we reverse Proposition 8 in California 1563 01:11:59,064 --> 01:12:02,943 and to do it in a way where there's hope 1564 01:12:03,027 --> 01:12:06,905 that that decision might apply to all 50 states. 1565 01:12:06,989 --> 01:12:08,949 'Cause if we won at the federal level, 1566 01:12:09,033 --> 01:12:12,036 I get to celebrate and so does my brother. 1567 01:12:12,119 --> 01:12:14,496 Chad: Lance and I began plotting the path. 1568 01:12:14,580 --> 01:12:16,582 How do we deliver on that promise 1569 01:12:16,665 --> 01:12:19,251 that Lance made on the global stage? 1570 01:12:19,335 --> 01:12:22,921 We ultimately decided that a legal case 1571 01:12:23,005 --> 01:12:25,215 suing the state of California, 1572 01:12:25,299 --> 01:12:29,136 putting together two of the best attorneys in the country, 1573 01:12:29,219 --> 01:12:32,473 a conservative Republican and a progressive Democrat. 1574 01:12:32,556 --> 01:12:33,807 And throughout that time, 1575 01:12:33,891 --> 01:12:36,560 while the lawyers were working in the courtroom, 1576 01:12:36,643 --> 01:12:38,854 Lance was working day in and day out 1577 01:12:38,937 --> 01:12:41,857 in the public square to change hearts and minds 1578 01:12:41,940 --> 01:12:43,859 as that case rose all the way 1579 01:12:43,942 --> 01:12:46,028 to the United States Supreme Court. 1580 01:12:46,111 --> 01:12:49,239 We pledge our allegiance to one America, 1581 01:12:49,323 --> 01:12:51,950 not a red America or a blue America, 1582 01:12:52,034 --> 01:12:54,578 a northern America or a southern America. 1583 01:12:54,661 --> 01:12:57,956 We pledge our allegiance to one America under God 1584 01:12:58,040 --> 01:13:01,293 indivisible with liberty and justice for all. 1585 01:13:01,376 --> 01:13:03,462 'Cause we, as a people... 1586 01:13:03,545 --> 01:13:07,508 we do not leave a single one of our brothers or our sisters behind, 1587 01:13:07,591 --> 01:13:10,344 no matter who they love or where they live. 1588 01:13:10,427 --> 01:13:12,012 Troy Williams: We thought, if California, 1589 01:13:12,096 --> 01:13:15,849 the most progressive state in the country 1590 01:13:15,933 --> 01:13:18,310 bans gay marriage, 1591 01:13:18,393 --> 01:13:21,355 there's no hope for the rest of us. 1592 01:13:21,438 --> 01:13:24,608 And we discovered that so much of the money 1593 01:13:24,691 --> 01:13:27,903 and the organizing to pass Proposition 8 1594 01:13:27,986 --> 01:13:30,114 came from Utah directed by 1595 01:13:30,197 --> 01:13:32,616 The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 1596 01:13:32,699 --> 01:13:38,997 And this culture war was ripping families apart. 1597 01:13:39,081 --> 01:13:40,082 Protestors: (chanting) Equal rights! 1598 01:13:40,165 --> 01:13:41,875 Reporter: From a PR perspective, 1599 01:13:41,959 --> 01:13:43,502 it's been a tough couple of years 1600 01:13:43,585 --> 01:13:45,671 for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 1601 01:13:45,754 --> 01:13:49,049 Recently, there have been angry protests outside Mormon temples 1602 01:13:49,133 --> 01:13:51,468 over the church's support of Proposition 8. 1603 01:13:51,552 --> 01:13:54,179 Dustin: Proposition 8 had passed because of Mormon money. 1604 01:13:54,263 --> 01:13:58,725 And I was now engaged in a fight to overturn that. 1605 01:13:58,809 --> 01:14:01,019 What we have to do, what we must do, 1606 01:14:01,103 --> 01:14:04,314 is hold the leaders of these religions responsible 1607 01:14:04,398 --> 01:14:06,900 for the lies, and the myths, and the distortions 1608 01:14:06,984 --> 01:14:08,485 they've been telling for generations now 1609 01:14:08,569 --> 01:14:11,989 that have plagued our people, and made us feel second-class, 1610 01:14:12,072 --> 01:14:14,825 and had robbed us of our rights in this state. 1611 01:14:14,908 --> 01:14:16,201 And around this time, 1612 01:14:16,285 --> 01:14:18,954 I started to think perhaps the way to crack things open 1613 01:14:19,037 --> 01:14:20,664 is to follow my mom's example. 1614 01:14:20,747 --> 01:14:23,167 My mom showed the courage and the curiosity to meet 1615 01:14:23,250 --> 01:14:24,668 with my friends in California, 1616 01:14:24,751 --> 01:14:26,545 people who she thought and had been taught 1617 01:14:26,628 --> 01:14:28,338 were just too different than her. 1618 01:14:28,422 --> 01:14:31,383 Now, wasn't it my obligation to follow her example 1619 01:14:31,466 --> 01:14:34,011 and to travel back to my roots to red America 1620 01:14:34,094 --> 01:14:37,681 and to sit down with the people who I once called home? 1621 01:14:37,764 --> 01:14:40,893 And I got on a plane and flew here to Salt Lake City 1622 01:14:40,976 --> 01:14:44,188 to meet with some leaders from the Mormon church, 1623 01:14:44,271 --> 01:14:46,148 even when my queer activist friends 1624 01:14:46,231 --> 01:14:49,359 began calling me foolish for doing so. 1625 01:14:49,443 --> 01:14:52,321 And I went into the Joseph Smith Memorial Building 1626 01:14:52,404 --> 01:14:55,490 and, and sat around a table with a lot of white-haired men 1627 01:14:55,574 --> 01:15:00,370 in a very pastel room and we shared stories. 1628 01:15:00,454 --> 01:15:01,830 I followed my mother's example 1629 01:15:01,914 --> 01:15:03,832 and I asked 'em about themselves. 1630 01:15:03,916 --> 01:15:05,292 I asked about their families. 1631 01:15:05,375 --> 01:15:06,919 I asked about their kids and their grandkids. 1632 01:15:07,002 --> 01:15:08,837 And they were really happy to share all that. 1633 01:15:08,921 --> 01:15:11,882 And because of that, they asked about me. 1634 01:15:11,965 --> 01:15:15,761 And they even invited me to the Mormon Tabernacle Christmas Spectacular, 1635 01:15:15,844 --> 01:15:17,429 which is a hard ticket to get. 1636 01:15:17,512 --> 01:15:20,015 And I went with Troy and some other queer people 1637 01:15:20,098 --> 01:15:21,975 right here in Salt Lake City, Utah. 1638 01:15:22,059 --> 01:15:24,937 Reporter: Black told ABC4 that it was an honor 1639 01:15:25,020 --> 01:15:30,150 to see the concert and an extraordinary act of goodwill. 1640 01:15:30,234 --> 01:15:33,570 He also told us a conversation has been started 1641 01:15:33,654 --> 01:15:36,323 between the gay community and the church 1642 01:15:36,406 --> 01:15:37,699 and that, quote, 1643 01:15:37,783 --> 01:15:40,786 "Both sides are trying to find common ground." 1644 01:15:40,869 --> 01:15:43,205 This is the power my mom taught me. 1645 01:15:44,081 --> 01:15:45,874 Share space. 1646 01:15:45,958 --> 01:15:48,460 It does take courage. 1647 01:15:48,543 --> 01:15:51,505 And it can create change. 1648 01:15:51,588 --> 01:15:54,466 Troy: It's really hard to do this work. 1649 01:15:54,549 --> 01:15:56,301 It's not for everyone. 1650 01:15:56,385 --> 01:15:58,470 And when you make the choice 1651 01:15:58,554 --> 01:16:00,973 that you're gonna be a bridge builder 1652 01:16:01,056 --> 01:16:03,308 from one tribe to another, 1653 01:16:03,392 --> 01:16:05,269 it's not without consequences. 1654 01:16:05,352 --> 01:16:07,646 It takes tremendous courage 1655 01:16:07,729 --> 01:16:10,941 to step out and reach out to the other. 1656 01:16:11,024 --> 01:16:14,236 Dustin: Within a year or two after that first 1657 01:16:14,319 --> 01:16:16,405 breaking of the ice with the Mormon church, 1658 01:16:16,488 --> 01:16:17,781 to start that conversation, 1659 01:16:17,864 --> 01:16:19,992 Troy Williams called me up and said, "Would you come 1660 01:16:20,075 --> 01:16:23,203 and be the Grand Marshal of Salt Lake City Pride?" 1661 01:16:23,287 --> 01:16:24,955 First of all, I couldn't believe there was such a thing 1662 01:16:25,038 --> 01:16:27,874 as Salt Lake City Pride. That blew my mind. 1663 01:16:27,958 --> 01:16:30,168 And so, I agreed to be the Grand Marshal at the parade 1664 01:16:30,252 --> 01:16:34,006 as long as it was a bridge-building opportunity. 1665 01:16:34,089 --> 01:16:37,175 Troy: In 2012, something significant happened. 1666 01:16:37,259 --> 01:16:39,011 A group of Latter-day Saints 1667 01:16:39,094 --> 01:16:41,972 callin' themselves Mormons Building Bridges, they called me up. 1668 01:16:42,055 --> 01:16:45,100 They said, "We're gonna come march in the Pride parade 1669 01:16:45,183 --> 01:16:47,060 "and we're gonna wear our Sunday clothes 1670 01:16:47,144 --> 01:16:48,895 "and were gonna sing hymns 1671 01:16:48,979 --> 01:16:51,940 all the way down the parade route." 1672 01:16:52,024 --> 01:16:56,570 And I was like, "Have any of you ever been to a Gay Pride parade before?" 1673 01:16:56,653 --> 01:16:58,780 Dustin: And then it's, like, hard to beli-- 1674 01:16:58,864 --> 01:17:01,408 If there weren't pictures of it, I couldn't believe it. 1675 01:17:01,491 --> 01:17:06,496 Dozens upon dozens upon dozens of active LDS folks 1676 01:17:06,580 --> 01:17:08,957 started to show up 1677 01:17:09,041 --> 01:17:10,459 enjoying the parade, 1678 01:17:10,542 --> 01:17:14,588 marching in solidarity with queer people here in Utah. 1679 01:17:14,671 --> 01:17:17,382 And when they brought their banner out 1680 01:17:17,466 --> 01:17:21,136 and it said, "Mormons Building Bridges," 1681 01:17:21,219 --> 01:17:23,680 I felt my mother's spirit. 1682 01:17:23,764 --> 01:17:26,350 Troy: Three hundred active members 1683 01:17:26,433 --> 01:17:29,853 of the church showed up with their signs. 1684 01:17:29,936 --> 01:17:32,522 "LDS hearts LGBT." 1685 01:17:32,606 --> 01:17:34,983 One sign said, "Sorry, I'm late." 1686 01:17:35,067 --> 01:17:38,320 And that moment changed everything for me 1687 01:17:38,403 --> 01:17:40,739 because I realized the way forward, 1688 01:17:40,822 --> 01:17:42,866 the way we create change, 1689 01:17:42,949 --> 01:17:44,659 is through love. 1690 01:17:44,743 --> 01:17:48,538 Dustin: That image ended up on newspapers around the world. 1691 01:17:48,622 --> 01:17:51,249 It shattered something. It shattered an idea 1692 01:17:51,333 --> 01:17:55,462 that we could not come together. 1693 01:17:55,545 --> 01:17:57,798 You know, and of course, this wasn't Mormon leadership yet. 1694 01:17:57,881 --> 01:18:01,843 These are rank-and-file Mormons and, honestly, they have power. 1695 01:18:01,927 --> 01:18:04,054 And a lot of these Mormon mothers 1696 01:18:04,137 --> 01:18:05,639 started sharing their own stories. 1697 01:18:05,722 --> 01:18:08,433 And because they could now communicate with one another, 1698 01:18:08,517 --> 01:18:10,143 they saw they weren't alone. 1699 01:18:10,227 --> 01:18:12,312 They were able to start to organize. 1700 01:18:12,396 --> 01:18:15,732 And they called themselves the "Mama Dragons." 1701 01:18:15,816 --> 01:18:20,904 Active LDS mothers who will protect their queer children 1702 01:18:20,987 --> 01:18:22,864 with the fierceness of a dragon. 1703 01:18:22,948 --> 01:18:27,452 I feel certain that we can win our full equality in Utah. 1704 01:18:27,536 --> 01:18:31,039 And I know that if we redouble our efforts here 1705 01:18:31,123 --> 01:18:33,166 and we give 110%, 1706 01:18:33,250 --> 01:18:34,459 I know in my heart, 1707 01:18:34,543 --> 01:18:37,504 in our lifetime, we will win full equality 1708 01:18:37,587 --> 01:18:39,631 in all matters governed by civil law 1709 01:18:39,714 --> 01:18:42,509 in all 50 states of this great nation. 1710 01:18:42,592 --> 01:18:44,636 And we will be free. 1711 01:18:44,719 --> 01:18:47,013 Troy: Lance was one of the major forces 1712 01:18:47,097 --> 01:18:49,975 that helped overturn Proposition 8 in California. 1713 01:18:50,058 --> 01:18:52,728 And his style of bridge-building activism 1714 01:18:52,811 --> 01:18:55,355 energized us in the final years 1715 01:18:55,439 --> 01:18:58,817 leading up to marriage equality becoming the law of the land. 1716 01:18:58,900 --> 01:19:00,902 The Supreme Court of the United States 1717 01:19:00,986 --> 01:19:03,113 found gay and lesbian Americans 1718 01:19:03,196 --> 01:19:06,241 have a constitutional right to marry. 1719 01:19:06,324 --> 01:19:08,910 Cheers shook the courthouse steps. 1720 01:19:08,994 --> 01:19:11,580 Licenses were issued and weddings performed 1721 01:19:11,663 --> 01:19:14,958 in states where such marriages were outlawed. 1722 01:19:15,041 --> 01:19:18,462 Dustin: I'll never forget sitting in the United States Supreme Court 1723 01:19:18,545 --> 01:19:22,007 and it wasn't the decision that would come months later 1724 01:19:22,090 --> 01:19:24,593 that told me we'd won. It was a question. 1725 01:19:24,676 --> 01:19:28,180 The swing vote on the Supreme Court was Justice Kennedy. 1726 01:19:28,263 --> 01:19:31,349 And Justice Kennedy, at one point, leaned in 1727 01:19:31,433 --> 01:19:33,894 and said, "The opposition to LGBT equality 1728 01:19:33,977 --> 01:19:37,022 "likes to talk a lot about how this hurts children, 1729 01:19:37,105 --> 01:19:41,151 "but there are thousands of children 1730 01:19:41,234 --> 01:19:44,112 "of gay and lesbian parents out there 1731 01:19:44,196 --> 01:19:46,490 "who would like to know that their parents' relationships 1732 01:19:46,573 --> 01:19:48,658 "are equally honored and protected. 1733 01:19:48,742 --> 01:19:52,496 "Why would we not protect those children 1734 01:19:52,579 --> 01:19:55,373 by granting them what we grant heterosexuals?" 1735 01:19:55,457 --> 01:19:59,711 He understood that by discriminating against queer people, 1736 01:19:59,795 --> 01:20:02,047 that's what actually hurts children. 1737 01:20:02,130 --> 01:20:04,966 And all I wanted was to reach into my pocket 1738 01:20:05,050 --> 01:20:07,886 and pull out my cell phone and to call my big brother, 1739 01:20:07,969 --> 01:20:10,889 to call Marcus and say, "Listen, bro, we did it. 1740 01:20:10,972 --> 01:20:14,059 It took all of these years, but we made it there." 1741 01:20:14,142 --> 01:20:17,062 I know there's a lot of other issues for LGBTQ folks, 1742 01:20:17,145 --> 01:20:21,191 but for the first time, we are going to have a decision 1743 01:20:21,274 --> 01:20:23,235 that applies, not only to California, 1744 01:20:23,318 --> 01:20:26,988 but to Virginia and Texas and Michigan and the states 1745 01:20:27,072 --> 01:20:29,866 that he loved and wanted to call home. 1746 01:20:29,950 --> 01:20:31,993 But I couldn't make that call 1747 01:20:32,077 --> 01:20:34,496 'cause my brother was gone. 1748 01:20:39,125 --> 01:20:43,922 -Dustin: Hi, Mother. -Uh, oh no. No. I'm a wreck. 1749 01:20:44,005 --> 01:20:45,757 Dustin: Too late, it's video. 1750 01:20:45,840 --> 01:20:47,509 And, Jeff, what is your job? 1751 01:20:47,592 --> 01:20:48,718 -Bumble. -Dustin: Yeah. 1752 01:20:48,802 --> 01:20:50,971 Grinch, whatever. 1753 01:20:51,054 --> 01:20:53,557 I don't have a job. I'm unemployed. 1754 01:20:53,640 --> 01:20:56,309 -Dustin: What are the rules? -No rules. 1755 01:20:56,393 --> 01:20:59,187 Dustin: No! Only when the camera's on. 1756 01:20:59,271 --> 01:21:01,648 We don't, we don't, we don't believe that for a moment. 1757 01:21:01,731 --> 01:21:06,570 Dustin: Hi! This morning, look how pretty Allie's hair is. 1758 01:21:06,653 --> 01:21:09,155 She looks perfect, doesn't she? 1759 01:21:09,239 --> 01:21:11,658 Allison Black: The first Christmas that I spent with them 1760 01:21:11,741 --> 01:21:13,660 was so special. 1761 01:21:13,743 --> 01:21:15,287 And I got to see 1762 01:21:15,370 --> 01:21:18,248 their traditions at its most finest. 1763 01:21:18,331 --> 01:21:22,669 That family was always thriving to have the best Christmas ever. 1764 01:21:22,752 --> 01:21:25,630 Lance was the older brother for me that makes fun of me 1765 01:21:25,714 --> 01:21:28,717 and that knows how to push my buttons. 1766 01:21:28,800 --> 01:21:31,720 And Marcus was always the one that had my back. 1767 01:21:31,803 --> 01:21:33,763 He was that protective older brother. 1768 01:21:33,847 --> 01:21:37,517 And I got very close to Anne very quickly. 1769 01:21:37,601 --> 01:21:39,978 She was always so accepting and loving 1770 01:21:40,061 --> 01:21:41,938 and I wish I knew then that that was gonna be 1771 01:21:42,022 --> 01:21:44,608 the last Christmas that was normal 1772 01:21:44,691 --> 01:21:47,068 because exactly a year later 1773 01:21:47,152 --> 01:21:49,321 was when Marcus was really sick. 1774 01:21:49,404 --> 01:21:52,240 -Fuck 2011. -(Allison laughs) 1775 01:21:52,324 --> 01:21:55,160 Allison: Say your lovely name for me. 1776 01:21:55,243 --> 01:21:56,745 (Allison laughing) 1777 01:21:56,828 --> 01:22:01,333 -Mr. Marcus Black says, "Fuck 2011." -Allison: Woo. 1778 01:22:01,416 --> 01:22:04,794 Dustin: He started to have a burning sensation when he urinated 1779 01:22:04,878 --> 01:22:08,590 and then instead of just going to the doctor and dealing with it, 1780 01:22:08,673 --> 01:22:09,841 you know, out of shame 1781 01:22:09,924 --> 01:22:12,510 and the fact that he was broke, 1782 01:22:12,594 --> 01:22:14,554 he just kept putting it off. 1783 01:22:14,638 --> 01:22:16,181 And so, when the doctors finally saw him, 1784 01:22:16,264 --> 01:22:19,309 when he finally got up the courage to go in, they did a scan 1785 01:22:19,392 --> 01:22:22,187 and saw that there was a growth in his bladder. 1786 01:22:22,270 --> 01:22:23,521 They did a proper analysis 1787 01:22:23,605 --> 01:22:25,857 and said, "Yeah, you have cancer. 1788 01:22:25,940 --> 01:22:28,818 And it's bad and it's aggressive." 1789 01:22:28,902 --> 01:22:32,030 And then he said, "Oh, my back is really hurting." 1790 01:22:32,113 --> 01:22:35,617 And, um... within days, 1791 01:22:35,700 --> 01:22:39,079 he found out that it had spread to his bone. 1792 01:22:39,162 --> 01:22:42,457 And I got to Michigan to find my brother 1793 01:22:42,540 --> 01:22:45,210 in an incredibly desperate state. 1794 01:22:45,293 --> 01:22:48,963 His partner, at the time, was not taking care of him. 1795 01:22:49,047 --> 01:22:51,174 The house was a disastrous mess 1796 01:22:51,257 --> 01:22:54,719 and he had degraded so much in those weeks, 1797 01:22:54,803 --> 01:22:57,597 he was almost unrecognizable. 1798 01:22:57,681 --> 01:22:59,849 My brother is a hippie right now. 1799 01:22:59,933 --> 01:23:02,394 And I'm gonna use kitchen shears to cut the hippie's hair. 1800 01:23:02,477 --> 01:23:04,104 In fact, I'd cut his hair. 1801 01:23:04,187 --> 01:23:05,730 I'd never really cut anyone's hair 1802 01:23:05,814 --> 01:23:09,651 but I did my very best to get him looking good. 1803 01:23:11,778 --> 01:23:13,780 Christmas was right around the corner 1804 01:23:13,863 --> 01:23:18,118 and I thought, we gotta get him home to Virginia in the dead of winter. 1805 01:23:18,201 --> 01:23:19,577 And I get ahold of Steve, 1806 01:23:19,661 --> 01:23:21,079 one of my big brother's friends, 1807 01:23:21,162 --> 01:23:24,874 and I start packing stuff up into my brother's truck. 1808 01:23:24,958 --> 01:23:26,543 What's that truck behind you? 1809 01:23:26,626 --> 01:23:29,129 -It's my moving truck. -Dustin: Yeah. 1810 01:23:29,212 --> 01:23:30,880 -Where you goin'? -To Virginia. 1811 01:23:30,964 --> 01:23:33,842 Dustin: We did that drive over the course of a night, 1812 01:23:33,925 --> 01:23:35,301 a very, very long night. 1813 01:23:35,385 --> 01:23:37,011 Ah! 1814 01:23:37,095 --> 01:23:39,806 Dustin: And we arrived in Virginia 1815 01:23:39,889 --> 01:23:42,434 at my mom's house in the morning. 1816 01:23:42,517 --> 01:23:44,561 (indistinct chatter) 1817 01:23:44,644 --> 01:23:46,688 And that Christmas, we all got together around the tree 1818 01:23:46,771 --> 01:23:48,148 and we opened presents. 1819 01:23:48,231 --> 01:23:51,067 Todd: That's to barbecue in, right? 1820 01:23:51,151 --> 01:23:56,072 Dustin: And my mom that year had a fully restored 1967 Camaro 1821 01:23:56,156 --> 01:23:58,575 sitting in the garage collecting dust 1822 01:23:58,658 --> 01:24:00,410 and she put the keys in a box 1823 01:24:00,493 --> 01:24:01,828 and she gave that 1824 01:24:01,911 --> 01:24:04,748 Camaro to my brother as a Christmas present. 1825 01:24:04,831 --> 01:24:08,084 Let's see, Marcus. Hold it up. 1826 01:24:08,168 --> 01:24:11,337 The car he always dreamed of was now his. 1827 01:24:11,421 --> 01:24:14,174 That's pretty cool, huh? 1828 01:24:14,257 --> 01:24:17,635 Jeff: For that one day, having our family together, 1829 01:24:17,719 --> 01:24:20,430 it was like nobody was sick. 1830 01:24:20,513 --> 01:24:23,266 Everybody was fine. 1831 01:24:23,349 --> 01:24:25,018 And then, soon after that, 1832 01:24:25,101 --> 01:24:27,562 Marcus took a turn for the worse 1833 01:24:27,645 --> 01:24:31,816 and it was pretty clear it wasn't gonna get any better. 1834 01:24:31,900 --> 01:24:35,987 Dustin: To see him in that condition in our home was really tough. 1835 01:24:36,070 --> 01:24:38,072 Before we knew it, we're feeding him water 1836 01:24:38,156 --> 01:24:41,326 on, like, a little lollipop with a sponge at the top 1837 01:24:41,409 --> 01:24:42,702 that you would dip in water 1838 01:24:42,786 --> 01:24:44,537 into his mouth and he would suck the water 1839 01:24:44,621 --> 01:24:46,206 and that's really all he could do, 1840 01:24:46,289 --> 01:24:48,583 and he couldn't talk much anymore. 1841 01:24:48,666 --> 01:24:51,252 And Todd and I were sitting there with him, 1842 01:24:51,336 --> 01:24:53,296 my mom and Jeff had gone to bed, 1843 01:24:53,379 --> 01:24:57,759 and we just were like, "This isn't right. This isn't Marcus." 1844 01:24:57,842 --> 01:25:01,095 And we had a tiny bottle of Crown Royal... (sniffles) 1845 01:25:01,179 --> 01:25:02,931 and I was like, "Hey, Marcus, you want some Crown?" 1846 01:25:03,014 --> 01:25:04,682 And he was like... 1847 01:25:04,766 --> 01:25:06,893 That's about all he could do. 1848 01:25:06,976 --> 01:25:07,936 So, we dipped that thing in there. 1849 01:25:08,019 --> 01:25:09,562 I'm like, "Here. Giving you Crown." 1850 01:25:09,646 --> 01:25:10,897 And he's just like, "Yeah." 1851 01:25:10,980 --> 01:25:14,067 And I was like, I know what he wants to listen to. 1852 01:25:14,150 --> 01:25:17,153 So I put on "Bitchin' Camaro" from The Dead Milkmen. 1853 01:25:17,237 --> 01:25:18,822 And he started jamming out. 1854 01:25:18,905 --> 01:25:22,158 And I just grabbed his hand. (sniffles) 1855 01:25:23,660 --> 01:25:25,370 (crying) 1856 01:25:27,789 --> 01:25:31,543 And just watched him go. 1857 01:25:31,626 --> 01:25:35,171 Dustin: This kid had been beaten to shit and back, 1858 01:25:35,255 --> 01:25:37,632 emotionally and physically. 1859 01:25:38,591 --> 01:25:40,927 And he had just figured it out. 1860 01:25:42,011 --> 01:25:44,138 He had just come out. 1861 01:25:44,222 --> 01:25:46,224 And by coming out, he dropped the drugs, 1862 01:25:46,307 --> 01:25:49,394 he had gotten into school, he was just living his life. 1863 01:25:49,477 --> 01:25:53,606 And he had said to me, "I'm just gettin' started, bro." 1864 01:25:53,690 --> 01:25:55,692 Nannette: Losing Marcus, I think, 1865 01:25:55,775 --> 01:25:58,486 was just so painful for Anne. 1866 01:25:58,570 --> 01:26:01,698 You don't ever expect to lose... 1867 01:26:01,781 --> 01:26:04,242 a child first. 1868 01:26:04,325 --> 01:26:07,203 You don't expect that to happen. 1869 01:26:07,287 --> 01:26:10,081 Jeff: For a mother to lose her son, 1870 01:26:10,164 --> 01:26:15,170 a son that she fought so hard to bring into the world. 1871 01:26:15,253 --> 01:26:18,089 She's like, "Bring him back. Bring him back." 1872 01:26:18,172 --> 01:26:21,467 It's like, "Well, we can't." She was devastated. 1873 01:26:21,551 --> 01:26:23,887 (mournful music playing) 1874 01:26:29,893 --> 01:26:31,811 Dustin: In the midst of all of this grief, 1875 01:26:31,895 --> 01:26:37,066 I met this miraculous, sparkling warrior of a man 1876 01:26:37,150 --> 01:26:39,152 and he was an Olympian. 1877 01:26:39,235 --> 01:26:40,737 He was a diver. 1878 01:26:40,820 --> 01:26:44,324 He just won his first Olympic medal. 1879 01:26:44,407 --> 01:26:46,075 I had won an Oscar. 1880 01:26:46,159 --> 01:26:49,996 He had just lost his father and I had lost my brother. 1881 01:26:50,079 --> 01:26:53,416 Lance and I connected on a much deeper level 1882 01:26:53,499 --> 01:26:56,127 than I ever have with anyone in my life before. 1883 01:26:56,210 --> 01:27:00,131 There's not many people my age that have experienced success 1884 01:27:00,214 --> 01:27:04,010 and then the crushing low that comes with it afterwards. 1885 01:27:04,093 --> 01:27:06,054 People that have experienced loss 1886 01:27:06,137 --> 01:27:07,931 in the way that myself and Lance had. 1887 01:27:08,014 --> 01:27:11,684 I had lost my dad two years prior to meeting Lance. 1888 01:27:11,768 --> 01:27:13,937 Lance had lost his brother to cancer. 1889 01:27:14,020 --> 01:27:16,314 So, we were able to connect on such a deeper level 1890 01:27:16,397 --> 01:27:19,067 and be able to understand each other way more than, 1891 01:27:19,150 --> 01:27:21,361 I think, we've been able to understand anyone. 1892 01:27:21,444 --> 01:27:23,112 I'll forever be thankful 1893 01:27:23,196 --> 01:27:25,782 that he wanted to come meet my family 1894 01:27:25,865 --> 01:27:28,534 and he came to Christmas. 1895 01:27:28,618 --> 01:27:31,287 Tom Daley: I first met Lance's mum in person 1896 01:27:31,371 --> 01:27:34,332 with Todd and Allie and Jeff 1897 01:27:34,415 --> 01:27:38,628 and we all had this really beautiful time together. 1898 01:27:38,711 --> 01:27:42,674 And I can really see how Lance became the way he is today. 1899 01:27:42,757 --> 01:27:45,927 Being able to spend that time with her really gave me that, 1900 01:27:46,010 --> 01:27:49,681 wow, like, I understand Lance in a whole different light now. 1901 01:27:49,764 --> 01:27:53,685 Dustin: At the time, I didn't know what was to come. 1902 01:27:53,768 --> 01:27:56,479 But certainly, that Christmas, 1903 01:27:56,562 --> 01:27:58,314 knowing that my mom met 1904 01:27:58,398 --> 01:27:59,857 the man who would become my husband 1905 01:27:59,941 --> 01:28:01,901 and the father of my children. 1906 01:28:01,985 --> 01:28:05,405 It's gotta rank as one of the best Christmases ever. 1907 01:28:09,701 --> 01:28:11,828 (light music playing) 1908 01:28:29,971 --> 01:28:32,765 Looking at this picture, this must be almost exactly 1909 01:28:32,849 --> 01:28:34,892 40 years ago. 1910 01:28:34,976 --> 01:28:38,563 My big brother and my aunt Josie are gone. 1911 01:28:38,646 --> 01:28:42,025 But Todd and I are still here. 1912 01:28:42,108 --> 01:28:45,403 When I came out, there would be a really long time 1913 01:28:45,486 --> 01:28:47,488 that I thought I wouldn't be accepted here 1914 01:28:47,572 --> 01:28:49,449 by the family in Texarkana, 1915 01:28:49,532 --> 01:28:53,161 in a corner of Texas that's quite conservative. 1916 01:28:53,244 --> 01:28:55,705 Was it true that people in different corners of America 1917 01:28:55,788 --> 01:28:58,499 are just too different from one another? 1918 01:28:58,583 --> 01:29:01,544 And so, I did what people do these days. 1919 01:29:01,627 --> 01:29:03,212 I just cut it off. 1920 01:29:03,296 --> 01:29:05,590 I'm gonna stick with my people in California. 1921 01:29:05,673 --> 01:29:07,717 I don't have to deal with the possibility 1922 01:29:07,800 --> 01:29:12,388 of rejection by Josie and this family who I loved. 1923 01:29:12,472 --> 01:29:13,723 I don't want them to reject me, 1924 01:29:13,806 --> 01:29:16,684 so it's better just to stay quiet, stay away. And I did. 1925 01:29:16,768 --> 01:29:20,438 It would take that phone call from my mom saying, 1926 01:29:20,521 --> 01:29:24,233 "Honey, your aunt Josie passed away last night." 1927 01:29:24,317 --> 01:29:26,235 And, at this point, my mom is so sick, 1928 01:29:26,319 --> 01:29:27,612 she can't get out of bed. 1929 01:29:27,695 --> 01:29:30,156 And Josie was like my mom's second mom. 1930 01:29:30,239 --> 01:29:33,034 She said, "You gotta go there, Lancer. 1931 01:29:33,117 --> 01:29:35,078 You gotta be there for me." 1932 01:29:35,161 --> 01:29:38,414 And I was terrified to come back here. 1933 01:29:38,498 --> 01:29:40,124 Perhaps the family member I was most worried 1934 01:29:40,208 --> 01:29:42,043 about meeting was my cousin Lynn. 1935 01:29:42,126 --> 01:29:45,546 Partly 'cause I had admired him so much as a little kid. 1936 01:29:45,630 --> 01:29:47,882 But he was Baptist and he was conservative. 1937 01:29:47,965 --> 01:29:49,133 He's from the South. 1938 01:29:49,217 --> 01:29:51,010 We were just so incredibly different 1939 01:29:51,094 --> 01:29:53,513 and I didn't want him to reject me. 1940 01:29:53,596 --> 01:29:55,223 And I called my little brother Todd up 1941 01:29:55,306 --> 01:29:56,849 and I said, "Would you come with me?" 1942 01:29:56,933 --> 01:29:59,102 Thank God he said yes. 1943 01:30:02,688 --> 01:30:07,110 And I'll never forget walking back in through that door 1944 01:30:07,193 --> 01:30:09,445 30-plus years later. 1945 01:30:09,529 --> 01:30:11,572 It was like I'd never left. 1946 01:30:11,656 --> 01:30:15,993 -Lynn: Oh, look who showed up. -Deborah: Oh. Hi! Finally! 1947 01:30:16,077 --> 01:30:18,079 Hey, hey! (laughing) 1948 01:30:18,162 --> 01:30:19,789 I haven't seen you in a while. 1949 01:30:19,872 --> 01:30:22,917 Lynn: Yeah, I had not seen Lance since he was a little kid, 1950 01:30:23,000 --> 01:30:25,169 but we knew he was, 1951 01:30:25,253 --> 01:30:27,130 you know, a famous screenwriter. 1952 01:30:27,213 --> 01:30:28,840 We knew he had won a Oscar. 1953 01:30:28,923 --> 01:30:31,217 We knew he was a gay rights activist. 1954 01:30:31,300 --> 01:30:34,387 And he came in for my mom's funeral. 1955 01:30:34,470 --> 01:30:38,224 And him and Todd showed up out of respect for my mom. 1956 01:30:38,307 --> 01:30:41,018 But, yeah, I was surprised to see him. 1957 01:30:41,102 --> 01:30:42,311 Dustin: It's hard to think of now 1958 01:30:42,395 --> 01:30:43,855 'cause now we talk on Facebook and whatever, 1959 01:30:43,938 --> 01:30:45,481 -make jokes, but, like, at the time... -Oh, yeah, yeah. 1960 01:30:45,565 --> 01:30:47,817 ...I was terrified of you. I was here for your mom 1961 01:30:47,900 --> 01:30:49,819 and I was terrified of everything else. 1962 01:30:49,902 --> 01:30:50,987 And in the end, 1963 01:30:51,070 --> 01:30:53,281 I loved to be here for your mom, 1964 01:30:53,364 --> 01:30:55,616 really for my mom who wanted me here. 1965 01:30:55,700 --> 01:30:58,578 But I just thought that this part of my history was history, right? 1966 01:30:58,661 --> 01:31:00,204 I just thought-- 'Cause, you know, you-- 1967 01:31:00,288 --> 01:31:02,456 I, I, I had to go somewhere where I didn't feel like 1968 01:31:02,540 --> 01:31:04,500 I was gonna get killed or have to kill myself. 1969 01:31:04,584 --> 01:31:08,462 Lynn: Yeah, I think my opinions and my views had changed dramatically 1970 01:31:08,546 --> 01:31:10,548 -from what you knew of me. -Yeah. 1971 01:31:10,631 --> 01:31:12,466 'Cause before, you know, 1972 01:31:12,550 --> 01:31:15,136 when I was a kid, I had different attitude. 1973 01:31:15,219 --> 01:31:16,721 -Right. -And... 1974 01:31:16,804 --> 01:31:18,723 maybe then I wouldn't have accepted you. 1975 01:31:18,806 --> 01:31:21,559 But I'd already accepted you before you got here. 1976 01:31:21,642 --> 01:31:23,478 -You just didn't know. -Right. 1977 01:31:23,561 --> 01:31:26,647 Well, one day, I might accept you, too. One day. (laughs) 1978 01:31:26,731 --> 01:31:28,983 Lynn: Growin' up, I had a different attitude 1979 01:31:29,066 --> 01:31:31,444 about gay people. I really did. 1980 01:31:31,527 --> 01:31:33,863 I mean, when I was younger, I was just a wild redneck. 1981 01:31:33,946 --> 01:31:36,490 If you was gay I, I didn't want nothin' to do with you. 1982 01:31:36,574 --> 01:31:40,161 But Lance helped me with that a lot, him being gay. 1983 01:31:40,244 --> 01:31:43,331 Then I met other people that were gay, and, you know, 1984 01:31:43,414 --> 01:31:45,249 they were good friends, they were normal people. 1985 01:31:45,333 --> 01:31:46,542 It wasn't like 1986 01:31:46,626 --> 01:31:49,545 what I had in my brain or as I was raised. 1987 01:31:49,629 --> 01:31:51,756 Like I said, I was raised Southern Baptist, 1988 01:31:51,839 --> 01:31:54,717 but now I'm more spiritual and I believe 1989 01:31:54,800 --> 01:31:57,511 it's, it's all between you and God. 1990 01:31:57,595 --> 01:31:59,597 Dustin: You know, that was the thing my mom was getting 1991 01:31:59,680 --> 01:32:01,933 really worried about years ago, 1992 01:32:02,016 --> 01:32:03,559 was it's getting harder and harder 1993 01:32:03,643 --> 01:32:05,811 to get in the same room with people you once loved 1994 01:32:05,895 --> 01:32:07,813 but now disagree with. And people just are like, 1995 01:32:07,897 --> 01:32:10,107 "You know what, I just don't want-- I won't even go in the room." 1996 01:32:10,191 --> 01:32:12,985 Like, "I'll just avoid the room 'cause it's uncomfortable." 1997 01:32:13,069 --> 01:32:14,320 I didn't care who you voted for. 1998 01:32:14,403 --> 01:32:17,240 I just knew, you know, I had a really hot cousin. 1999 01:32:17,323 --> 01:32:18,824 (laughing) 2000 01:32:18,908 --> 01:32:20,993 Yeah, we live in different places 2001 01:32:21,077 --> 01:32:22,912 and we believe in different things 2002 01:32:22,995 --> 01:32:25,289 and we vote in different ways. 2003 01:32:25,373 --> 01:32:27,124 But blood's thicker. 2004 01:32:27,208 --> 01:32:28,334 I was family. 2005 01:32:29,669 --> 01:32:31,128 Politics is important. 2006 01:32:31,212 --> 01:32:33,631 It builds the systems we live within. 2007 01:32:33,714 --> 01:32:36,300 But how can politics ever be good 2008 01:32:36,384 --> 01:32:41,681 and serve our families if we don't put family first? 2009 01:32:42,807 --> 01:32:45,059 Donna: I had a phone call with Anne, 2010 01:32:45,142 --> 01:32:46,519 as I look back on it, 2011 01:32:46,602 --> 01:32:50,064 and I remember sensing that she was saying goodbye. 2012 01:32:50,147 --> 01:32:52,024 We didn't say officially goodbye, 2013 01:32:52,108 --> 01:32:55,403 but it was as if I was saying a blessing over her life 2014 01:32:55,486 --> 01:32:57,738 and she was expressing love to me. 2015 01:32:57,822 --> 01:32:59,448 Dustin: My mom had beaten cancer, 2016 01:32:59,532 --> 01:33:02,535 but she was having every other reaction there is. 2017 01:33:02,618 --> 01:33:04,954 And so, I said, "Well, I'm gonna celebrate 2018 01:33:05,037 --> 01:33:07,957 turning 40 with my mom in gratitude." 2019 01:33:08,040 --> 01:33:09,792 Really flew in, taking a stop-- 2020 01:33:09,875 --> 01:33:11,836 I'm n-- I was supposed to be going to London, 2021 01:33:11,919 --> 01:33:13,504 but I was like, "No, no, no, wait. 2022 01:33:13,587 --> 01:33:15,548 I'm stopping in to see my mom first." 2023 01:33:15,631 --> 01:33:18,175 And so, I went to the house in Virginia 2024 01:33:18,259 --> 01:33:19,927 and we exchanged gifts and we have cake 2025 01:33:20,011 --> 01:33:21,929 and my mom just wasn't feeling well. 2026 01:33:22,013 --> 01:33:24,098 I said, "Mom, you gotta go, just go to the doctor. 2027 01:33:24,181 --> 01:33:25,266 Just go get checked up." 2028 01:33:25,349 --> 01:33:28,352 And she said, "All right, Lancer," um... 2029 01:33:28,436 --> 01:33:30,021 "help me get dressed." 2030 01:33:30,104 --> 01:33:32,481 And I remember as I was... 2031 01:33:32,565 --> 01:33:34,859 putting one of the, the socks onto her feet 2032 01:33:34,942 --> 01:33:36,569 and she looked me right in the eye 2033 01:33:36,652 --> 01:33:39,905 and she said, "Fight for my life." 2034 01:33:39,989 --> 01:33:43,284 And I tried to laugh. Like, "Okay." 2035 01:33:43,367 --> 01:33:47,288 And she said, "No, I need you to fight for my life. 2036 01:33:49,040 --> 01:33:50,583 Promise me." 2037 01:33:50,666 --> 01:33:52,209 And so, I said, "I promise you, Mom. 2038 01:33:52,293 --> 01:33:55,421 "I, I promise I'll fight for your life, of course. 2039 01:33:55,504 --> 01:33:57,882 "If you need me to turn around on the way, just call me. 2040 01:33:57,965 --> 01:33:59,759 I'll come right back. It's fine." 2041 01:33:59,842 --> 01:34:02,428 I remember it so clearly 2042 01:34:02,511 --> 01:34:04,847 because Lance and I hadn't seen each other 2043 01:34:04,930 --> 01:34:06,557 for about three or four weeks. 2044 01:34:06,640 --> 01:34:12,730 And it was a day that he was coming back to see me in London. 2045 01:34:12,813 --> 01:34:16,359 We wish Lance farewell and he takes off in the taxi. 2046 01:34:16,442 --> 01:34:20,613 Uh, carrying Anne downstairs and get her into the car 2047 01:34:20,696 --> 01:34:24,033 and her last words were to me, "Please hurry." 2048 01:34:24,116 --> 01:34:28,245 So, I turn around... to go back to the house to close the door 2049 01:34:28,329 --> 01:34:31,374 and when I turn around, she was slumped over in the car. 2050 01:34:31,457 --> 01:34:33,542 I got her out of the car. She's not breathing. 2051 01:34:33,626 --> 01:34:36,128 There's no heartbeat. I called 911. 2052 01:34:36,212 --> 01:34:37,963 I was doing CPR. 2053 01:34:38,047 --> 01:34:41,509 After the paramedics got there, I called Lance and I said, 2054 01:34:41,592 --> 01:34:45,096 "I need you to come back. Something horrible's happened." 2055 01:34:45,179 --> 01:34:47,890 When he was on the way to the airport, 2056 01:34:47,973 --> 01:34:51,102 he texts me sayin', "I have to go back. My mom's collapsed." 2057 01:34:51,185 --> 01:34:52,812 I looked up into the rearview mirror 2058 01:34:52,895 --> 01:34:55,231 and I just told that cab driver he had to turn the car around. 2059 01:34:55,314 --> 01:34:59,527 And we got to the hospital and I rush into the room. 2060 01:34:59,610 --> 01:35:01,278 And there she is and she's conscious 2061 01:35:01,362 --> 01:35:04,407 and her eyes are wide open staring at me. 2062 01:35:04,490 --> 01:35:08,077 And I'm thinking in my head what she's tasked me with, 2063 01:35:08,160 --> 01:35:09,537 to fight for her life. 2064 01:35:10,955 --> 01:35:12,540 Todd: (crying) You see a woman that's 2065 01:35:12,623 --> 01:35:15,209 you've known nothing but can fight... 2066 01:35:15,292 --> 01:35:18,129 fight, fight her whole life. 2067 01:35:18,212 --> 01:35:21,173 And to see her energy getting sucked out... 2068 01:35:22,550 --> 01:35:26,053 She fought harder than anything to deserve this. 2069 01:35:28,889 --> 01:35:30,599 (sniffles) 2070 01:35:30,683 --> 01:35:33,686 It was the hardest thing. 2071 01:35:33,769 --> 01:35:38,315 My brother was holding her hand and Jeff was touching her hair. 2072 01:35:38,399 --> 01:35:40,276 And I leaned into her ear. 2073 01:35:40,359 --> 01:35:42,403 I said to her... 2074 01:35:42,486 --> 01:35:46,323 "We're gonna be okay. I'm gonna be okay. 2075 01:35:47,658 --> 01:35:52,496 "Fly. You can fly now... You can walk. 2076 01:35:53,789 --> 01:35:56,333 "You've built us strong. 2077 01:35:56,417 --> 01:35:59,670 We'll survive and we'll be okay." 2078 01:36:01,255 --> 01:36:03,340 She flew away. 2079 01:36:05,342 --> 01:36:09,430 The person with the strongest heart I'd ever known 2080 01:36:09,513 --> 01:36:12,725 had asked me to fight for her life. 2081 01:36:13,934 --> 01:36:15,936 And I had failed her. 2082 01:36:16,020 --> 01:36:18,063 ♪ ♪ 2083 01:36:23,777 --> 01:36:26,155 Ryan: At this point, I was already living in Seattle 2084 01:36:26,238 --> 01:36:29,241 and, uh... I got a call from a friend of mine 2085 01:36:29,325 --> 01:36:31,660 and he's like, you know, "Lance is not doing well." 2086 01:36:31,744 --> 01:36:33,496 And so, I called him and Lance didn't respond, 2087 01:36:33,579 --> 01:36:35,581 so I immediately got on a plane 2088 01:36:35,664 --> 01:36:39,210 and, yeah, he was in a really dark place 2089 01:36:39,293 --> 01:36:40,628 after she'd passed away. 2090 01:36:40,711 --> 01:36:42,046 And to the point where 2091 01:36:42,129 --> 01:36:45,090 he didn't know what made sense to him, 2092 01:36:45,174 --> 01:36:47,718 why it happened. 2093 01:36:47,801 --> 01:36:50,012 You know, he felt very lost. 2094 01:36:50,095 --> 01:36:52,223 (ambient nature sounds) 2095 01:37:00,606 --> 01:37:02,691 (birds chirping) 2096 01:37:11,158 --> 01:37:15,454 Dustin: In all of my guilt and shame, I just got busy. 2097 01:37:17,039 --> 01:37:18,457 She wanted to be buried, 2098 01:37:18,541 --> 01:37:22,545 so I needed to get her next to her eldest son. 2099 01:37:22,628 --> 01:37:24,922 We buried Marcus in California 'cause that was the plan. 2100 01:37:25,005 --> 01:37:29,385 We were all moving back to California to be close to each other one day. 2101 01:37:30,469 --> 01:37:32,012 But there was one other thing 2102 01:37:32,096 --> 01:37:33,597 that was incredibly complicated for me, 2103 01:37:33,681 --> 01:37:35,307 which is my mom was not 2104 01:37:35,391 --> 01:37:36,767 a member of any faith anymore, 2105 01:37:36,850 --> 01:37:39,937 but she was still incredibly faithful. 2106 01:37:40,020 --> 01:37:42,565 So, who do you have run that ceremony? 2107 01:37:42,648 --> 01:37:45,526 And I call up Bishop Gene Robinson 2108 01:37:45,609 --> 01:37:49,071 who had been integral in our fight against Proposition 8 2109 01:37:49,154 --> 01:37:51,615 and he was the first openly gay bishop 2110 01:37:51,699 --> 01:37:53,450 ordained in the Episcopal Church. 2111 01:37:53,534 --> 01:37:56,203 And that night-- And he could clearly tell that there was something 2112 01:37:56,287 --> 01:37:57,913 really weighing on me that went beyond 2113 01:37:57,997 --> 01:37:59,456 just the loss of my mother. 2114 01:37:59,540 --> 01:38:02,418 And it was the first time I admitted that 2115 01:38:02,501 --> 01:38:05,629 my mother had made me promise to fight for her life 2116 01:38:05,713 --> 01:38:07,298 and I'd failed. 2117 01:38:07,381 --> 01:38:10,301 He said, "Tell me what your mother's life was." 2118 01:38:10,384 --> 01:38:13,429 And I said, "Well, you know, my mom was 2119 01:38:13,512 --> 01:38:15,514 "this incredibly strong kid 2120 01:38:15,598 --> 01:38:18,684 "who... when she was told what was impossible 2121 01:38:18,767 --> 01:38:21,061 she just didn't accept it." She just decided, 2122 01:38:21,145 --> 01:38:23,314 "Well, this is what I want, so I wanna have a family, 2123 01:38:23,397 --> 01:38:25,024 and I wanna have kids, and a good job," 2124 01:38:25,107 --> 01:38:27,401 and all the things that she'd been told she couldn't have. 2125 01:38:27,484 --> 01:38:31,614 And she showed the curiosity to listen more than she spoke. 2126 01:38:31,697 --> 01:38:34,617 My mom believed it was incredibly important 2127 01:38:34,700 --> 01:38:36,493 to keep relationships together, 2128 01:38:36,577 --> 01:38:37,661 to keep friendships together, 2129 01:38:37,745 --> 01:38:40,539 communities and country together. 2130 01:38:40,623 --> 01:38:46,503 Courage... curiosity... bridge-building, 2131 01:38:46,587 --> 01:38:48,839 that was my mom. 2132 01:38:48,922 --> 01:38:52,384 He said, "Your mom knew what was happening to her. 2133 01:38:52,468 --> 01:38:56,347 "But she gave you a mission and you promised to keep it 2134 01:38:56,430 --> 01:38:58,849 "and it was to fight for her life. 2135 01:38:58,932 --> 01:39:00,351 "And you just said her life 2136 01:39:00,434 --> 01:39:02,478 "is about having the courage 2137 01:39:02,561 --> 01:39:07,191 "to not accept no, to fight for the yeses, 2138 01:39:07,274 --> 01:39:09,151 "to fight for the possibility to fall in love, 2139 01:39:09,234 --> 01:39:11,904 "and to have a family, if that's what you want. 2140 01:39:13,572 --> 01:39:16,825 "And to not accept the lie that our corners of the country 2141 01:39:16,909 --> 01:39:18,994 "are just too different from one another, 2142 01:39:19,078 --> 01:39:20,621 "to show the courage to show up 2143 01:39:20,704 --> 01:39:21,997 "and meet people who are different, 2144 01:39:22,081 --> 01:39:25,626 "to have the curiosity to listen more than you speak, 2145 01:39:25,709 --> 01:39:27,419 "even when it's difficult. 2146 01:39:27,503 --> 01:39:29,505 "To do the hard work to build bridges 2147 01:39:29,588 --> 01:39:35,219 "that keep family and community and country together. 2148 01:39:35,302 --> 01:39:39,932 "Your mom gave you a mission to fight for her life. 2149 01:39:40,015 --> 01:39:42,434 "And if you say a promise is a sacred thing in your family, 2150 01:39:42,518 --> 01:39:44,478 "I have to believe that. 2151 01:39:44,561 --> 01:39:46,814 So, what are you gonna do?" 2152 01:39:47,773 --> 01:39:50,317 I'm gonna fight for her life. 2153 01:39:50,401 --> 01:39:53,612 And I hope... I hope I'm not alone. 2154 01:39:58,033 --> 01:40:00,119 ♪ ♪ 2155 01:40:07,126 --> 01:40:09,294 ♪ ♪