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Lauren: FEAST YOUR EYES ON A FAMILIAR SETTING --
THE BRIDE'S ROOM.
RECOGNIZE THE USUAL SUSPECTS?
THE ATTENTIVE BRIDESMAIDS,
THE RELIEVED MOTHER OF THE BRIDE, THE RADIANT BRIDE,
AND THE FLOWER GIRL,
WHO DREAMS OF THE DAY WHEN SHE'LL BE HOLDING THE BOUQUET.
THEN THERE'S ME.
WHO IS THIS MYSTERY WOMAN WITH A CUSHION FULL OF PINS?
I'M LAUREN CRANDELL, AND I'M A JUNIOR WEDDING CONSULTANT.
JUNIOR MEANING THAT MY BOSS BARKS THE ORDERS
WHILE I DO THE WORK.
I'M A SEAMSTRESS, A GOPHER, AN ASSISTANT -- YOU NAME IT.
WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE SURE
THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE PERFECT ON THAT BIG DAY.
AND ALTHOUGH YOU MIGHT NOT BELIEVE ME,
EVERYTHING TYPICALLY DOES WORK OUT.
WELL, MOST OF THE TIME.
WHOA!
Man: ARE YOU OKAY?
YES.
Woman: OH, NO!
[ "HAVA NAGILA" PLAYS ]
AAAH!
WEDDINGS, BY THEIR VERY NATURE, ARE FRAUGHT WITH PERIL.
THAT'S WHY YOU NEED ME.
ON YOUR BIG DAY,
IT'S MY JOB TO TAKE CARE OF ANYTHING THAT GOES WRONG.
I WORRY FOR YOU.
I TROUBLESHOOT, PROBLEM SOLVE, AND ON OCCASION, WORK MIRACLES.
OKAY, YOUR TURN.DON'T FORGET TO SMILE.
YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL.
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT. DAD?
HAVING HELPED TO PLAN IN EXCESS OF 100 WEDDINGS,
I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT THERE ARE A SET OF UNSPOKEN RULES
THAT EVERY WEDDING CONSULTANT SHOULD KNOW.
RULE NUMBER ONE -- DO THE WORK AND NEVER TAKE THE CREDIT.
LET THE BRIDE AND GROOM FEEL RESPONSIBLE
FOR THEIR PERFECT DAY.
HELPING THEM ACHIEVE THEIR DREAMMAKES IT ALL WORTHWHILE.
HELLO?
OH, HI! YEAH.
I CALLED ABOUT BOOKING A BAND ON OCTOBER 10th,
AND THE BRIDE AND GROOM WOULD LOVE
SOMEONE WHO COULD DO BOTH ROCK AND POLKA.
[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]UH-HUH.
CAN YOU HANG ON ONE SECOND? OKAY.
HELLO, "TYING THE KNOT."
OH, HI, BARBARA.
GOSH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M SO SORRY THAT YOU GOT IN A FIGHT WITH YOUR MAID OF HONOR.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE WEDDING ISN'T UNTIL 2007,
SO I'M SURE YOU GUYS WILL MAKE UP BY THEN.
Man: HERE YOU GO.
NO, I DON'T THINK WE NEED TO GET A BACKUP.
NO. [ LAUGHS ]
OKAY, I'M GONNA CALL YOU AS SOON AS I CAN.
ALL RIGHT. THANKS. BYE-BYE.
HI. OKAY. SORRY ABOUT THAT. WHERE WERE WE?
Gennifer: LAUREN, GET IN HERE!
UM, ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M SO SORRY TO DO THIS, BUT I HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK.
ALL RIGHT. BYE-BYE. YES?
YOU'RE NEVER GOINGTO BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED.
WHAT?
WE JUST LANDEDDARLA TEDANSKI'S WEDDING!
WHO'S DARLA TEDANSKI?
THE SAUSAGE KING'S DAUGHTER.
THAT'S GREAT.
NO, IT'S NOT GREAT, IT'S MONUMENTAL.
IT'S GOING TO BE THE MOSTHIGH-PROFILE WEDDING IN CHICAGO.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?
UH, LONG WORKDAYS AND VIRTUALLY NO SLEEP?
IT MEANS A GUARANTEEDCOVER STORY IN "BRIDE'S DAY."
IMAGINE THE PUBLICITY.
ANYWAY, DON'T THINK I FORGOTABOUT YOU, MISSY.
IF EVERYTHING GOES OFFWITHOUT A HITCH,
YOU'LL GET THAT PROMOTIONWE TALKED ABOUT.
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
DEAD SERIOUS.
LAUREN CRANDELL, SENIOR CONSULTANT.
YOUR OWN ACCOUNTS, YOUR OWN ASSISTANT,
AND OF COURSE, A RAISE.
I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
DON'T SAY ANYTHING.
THAT INTERVIEWERWILL BE HERE IN 10 MINUTES.
YOU NEED TO PREPARE.
I'M ON IT.
"BRIDE'S DAY" IS MY FAVORITE MAGAZINE...
ESPECIALLY WHEN I'M PROFILED IN IT.
[ LAUGHS ] OH, CAREFUL DEAR.
THAT CHINA IS WORTH MORE THAN YOUR SALARY.
CRANBERRY SCONE? I MADE THEM MYSELF.
DIDN'T MOMMY, SNICKERS?
YOU RUN YOUR OWN BUSINESSAND STILL FIND TIME TO BAKE.
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT.
I DO.WHAT WAS THAT, DEAR?
OH, NOTHING, G. I WAS JUST THINKING OUT LOUD
ABOUT THE FLOWERS FOR THE HANSCUM WEDDING.
WHAT'S THERE TO THINK ABOUT? THE BRIDE WANTS GARDENIAS.
BUT GARDENIAS ARE OUT OF SEASON.
WE COULD SHIP FROM CALIFORNIA,
BUT THEN WE'D GO OVER BUDGET.
I THINK LILIES ARE A NICE ALTERNATIVE.
ARE YOU A CONSULTANT, TOO?
JUNIOR CONSULTANT.
SHE DOES A LITTLE PLANNING HERE AND THERE,
BUT IT WOULDN'T BE A GENNIFER DOUGLAS PRODUCTION
IF I DIDN'T DO THE GRUNT WORK.
[ GROWLING ]
I'LL BE AT MY DESK IF YOU NEED ME.
[ BARKS ]
NOW, WHERE WERE WE?
Gennifer: I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT THE TEDANSKI WEDDING.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
I MUST SAY, THAT'S QUITEAN UNDERTAKING FOR TWO PEOPLE.
CORRECTION, DEAR. ONE PERSON.
MY RECENTLY SEPARATED ASSISTANT IS A LITTLE TOO EMOTIONAL
TO BE HANDLING THIS BIG OF AN EVENT.
VERY SAD SITUATION.
Lauren: JUST FOR THE RECORD, I AM NOT TOO EMOTIONAL.
RULE NUMBER TWO --
A PROFESSIONAL NEVER LETS HER PERSONAL LIFE
GET IN THE WAY OF HER WORK.
I WAS SEPARATED OVER A YEAR AGO,
AND CONSIDERING THAT MY HUSBAND CHEATED ON ME,
IT WAS THE BEST THING THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED.
AND ALTHOUGH MY MARRIAGE DIDN'T WORK OUT,
I STILL WHOLEHEARTEDLY BELIEVE
IN THE SANCTITY OF THE INSTITUTION.
[ SNICKERS GROWLS AND BARKS ]
SNICKERS!
[ GROWLING ]
STUPID...
[ TEARING ]
SNICKERS!
[ BARKING ]
MY FIRST STEP TOWARDS THAT PROMOTION
WAS A MEETING WITH THE NEW CLIENT, DARLA TEDANSKI.
G DESPERATELY WANTED TO COME BUT SOMETHING CAME UP.
TRANSLATION -- SHE WAS HAVING
A "MOMMY AND ME" PORTRAIT TAKEN WITH SNICKERS.
EXCUSE ME.
HEY, DOLL, ARE YOUTHE ZEN ENERGY BAR REP?
NO. ACTUALLY, I'M HERE TO MEET DARLA.
I'M THE WEDDING PLANNER.
[ GASPS ] YOU'RE LAUREN?KISSES.
AREN'T YOU YUMMY? HANG ON A SEC.I'LL FETCH BOSS LADY.
SO HERE I AM WAITING FOR THE PORK PRINCESS TO ARRIVE.
WONDER IF SHE LOOKS LIKE HER FATHER.
OKAY, SO DARLA DIDN'T LOOK ANYTHING
LIKE A PORK KING'S DAUGHTER.
YOU MUST BE LAUREN.
HI. IT'S SO NICE TO MEET YOU.
LIKEWISE.
SO, TELL ME, HOW LONGHAVE YOU BEEN G's ASSISTANT?
THREE YEARS.OH, THAT'S COMMENDABLE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D DOIF I HAD TO WORK UNDER SOMEONE.
WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU DO?
I RUN MY OWN ADVERTISING AGENCY.TALK ABOUT STRESSFUL.
[ LAUGHS ]
ANYWAY, ENOUGH ABOUT ME.
G TELLS ME YOU AREFLAWLESS WITH DETAILS.
MY THERAPIST CALLS IT OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER.
THAT'S A GOOD THING
CONSIDERING THE WEDDING'SIN A MONTH.
A MONTH?
YEAH, WE WERE WORKINGWITH ANOTHER PLANNER,
BUT WE JUST KEPT BUTTING HEADS.
SO [GROANS] HERE IS OUR FILEFROM THE LAST CONSULTANT.
IT INCLUDES MY LIKES ANDMY DISLIKES ALL THE WAY DOWN
TO WHAT SHOES I THINK THE FLOWER GIRL SHOULD WEAR.
SORRY TO INTERRUPT. YOGI BRITNEYAGGRAVATED HER SCIATICA.
OH, MY GOD. I TOLD YOU NO LOTUS POSITION, BRITNEY!
I GOTTA GO. IF YOU HAVEANY QUESTIONS, PLEASE RING MARC.
LAUREN, GOOD LUCK.
OH, MY GOD, BRITNEY. BRITNEY!
MARC, MARC. HE'S FINE. IT'S HERE IS THE PROBLEM.
CAN WE GET SOME ICE OR AN AMBULANCE?
WHY IS EVERYONE NOT DOING ANYTHING?!
MARC! YES.
PLEASE!
WHY DO I HIRE YOU PEOPLE?!
Lauren: AFTER SPENDING THE ENTIRE NIGHT
COLOR-CODING DARLA'S FILE,
I FIXED ONE MESSY SITUATION
ONLY TO CRASH HEADFIRST INTO ANOTHER.
THE CIBRIANIS, A NICE ITALIAN COUPLE FROM THE SOUTH SIDE,
WERE GETTING MARRIED.
MUCH TO THE BRIDE'S DISMAY,
THE GROOM DECIDED TO MAKE A GRAND ENTRANCE.
HERE I AM!
RULE NUMBER THREE -- NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE GROOM.
THEY'VE ONLY COME TO SEE THE BRIDE.
WHOO-HOO!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ LAUGHS ]
HA HA!
ALL RIGHT!
SO HE'S FINALLY TAKING THE PLUNGE, HUH?
YEAH.
OH!
OH, MY GOD!
ARE YOU OKAY?
HOLD ON, HONEY.IT'S OKAY. EVERYTHING IS UNDER CONTROL.
OH, I KNEW SOMETHING LIKE THISWAS GONNA HAPPEN!
I'LL BE DOWN IN NO TIME! [ CHUCKLES ]
STAY PUT, OKAY, BABY?
I'M A LITTLE NAUSEOUS, BUT IT'S OKAY.
I LOVE YOU!
I LOVE YOU, TOO!
I'M NOT HURT. I'M NOT HURT. IT'S OKAY.
I SHOULD HAVE LISTENEDTO MY MOTHER.
DON'T WORRY!YOU'RE GONNA BEFINE, HONEY.
HOW FAST CAN YOU GET A FIRE TRUCK TO ST. ALFRED'S?
[ SIREN WAILING ]
[ HORN HONKS ]
I'M OKAY! I'M FINE!
JUST HANG ON.I PROMISE WE'LL GET YOU DOWN.
YOU'RE ALMOST THERE.
WHOA.
IT'S OKAY.OKAY, JUST TRY TO RELAX.
THAT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY.
WHERE YOU GOING ON YOUR HONEYMOON?
TAHITI.
OKAY, I WANT YOU TO CLOSE YOUR EYES
AND PRETEND THAT YOU'REALREADY THERE, OKAY?
PICTURE THE WHITE-SAND BEACHES,THE CRYSTAL-CLEAR WATER,
THAT MAI TAI IN YOUR HAND.
I DON'T LIKE FRUITY DRINKS.
FINE, IT'S A BEER.
AND DON'T FORGET TO PUT ONSOME SUNSCREEN.
THE SUN'S REALLY HOT.
YOU'RE DOING GOOD.
KEEP RELAXING.
LET ME GUESS -- THE GROOM FELL HEAD OVER HEELS.
[ LAUGHS ]
UH...
WHAT IS HE DOING?
APPLYING SUNSCREEN.
I HAVE HIM VISUALIZING HISHONEYMOON TO STAY CALM.
WHERE EXACTLY DOES HE THINK THAT HE IS?
TAHITI.TAHITI? THAT'S NICE.
YOU EVER BEEN THERE?NO, BUT IT'S ON MY LIST.
YOUR LIST?
UH-HUH. OF PLACES I WANT TO TRAVEL TO.
I DIDN'T REALIZE PEOPLE ACTUALLY MADE LISTS FOR THAT SORT OF THING.
OH, I HAVE A LIST FOR EVERYTHING.
HELPS ME KEEP THINGS UNDER CONTROL.
NOW, WHERE'S THE FUN IN THAT?
AAAH![ ALL GASPING ]
OKAY. THAT'S OKAY.
I'M ABOUT TO DIE.NO, NO, NO.
I'M NOT GONNA LET THAT HAPPEN, BUDDY. HOLD ON. HOLD ON.
COME HERE.WHOA!
RELAX. THERE WE GO.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]OKAY?
I GOT YOU. I GOT YOU.
THANK YOU.
SO YOU'LL THINK TWICE BEFORE DOING THIS NEXT TIME, HUH?
NICE JOB, NICKY.
I WOULD HAVE GONE UP THERE MYSELF, BUT I JUST ATE LUNCH.
YEAH, RIGHT.
YOU'RE ALWAYS THE LAST ONE IN, LITTLE BROTHER,
FIRST ONE OUT, JAY.
THANK YOU.BYE.
HI. HI.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
NO, NO, THANK YOU. YOU WERE GREAT UP THERE.
OH, I WAS JUST DOING MY JOB.
I'M LAUREN.I'M THE WEDDING PLANNER.
NICK, THE FIREMAN. [ CHUCKLES ]
WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?COME ON. YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT.
GUESS I'D BETTER GO. DUTY CALLS.
YEAH, ME TOO.
OKAY.
SO, UM...
SEE YOU AROUND.
YEAH, I HOPE SO.
BYE.
OH, DID I TELL YOU I SAW BRAD'S MOTHER
THE OTHER DAY AT DOMINIC'S?
WE WERE SAYING WHAT A SHAME IT WAS
THAT THE TWO OF YOU HAD SPLIT UP.
SHE STILL HAS FOND FEELINGS FOR YOU, YOU KNOW, LAUREN.
TOO BAD HER SON DOESN'T.
YOU KNOW, IT ISN'T TOO LATE
TO RECONSIDER THIS WHOLE DIVORCE THING.
MOM, I ALREADY SIGNEDTHE PAPERS.
WELL, PERHAPS YOU WERE A BIT HASTY, DEAR.
MARRIAGE ISN'T A VACATION, YOU KNOW.
IT TAKES A LOT OF HARD WORK TO KEEP THINGS TOGETHER.
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, DEAR?
YES, DEAR.
I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.
YOU TWO SEEMED LIKE THE PERFECT COUPLE.
WE JUST GREW APART.
WELL, THAT'S CAUSE FOR COUNSELING, DEAR, NOT DIVORCE.
MARRIAGE ISN'T SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN TAKE BACK,
LIKE A SWEATER THAT DOESN'T FIT.
Lauren: YOU MAY WONDER WHY MY MOTHER
IS SO ANXIOUS FOR ME TO RECONCILE WITH AN ADULTERER.
WELL, FOR STARTERS, SHE DOESN'T KNOW HE IS ONE.
I DIDN'T HAVE THE GUTS TO TELL HER.
I MEAN, LOOK AT HER -- SHE'STHE EPITOME OF THE PERFECT WIFE.
I WAS AFRAID TO DISAPPOINT HER.
I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY.
I KNOW, MOM, BUT I DON'T NEEDA MAN TO BE HAPPY.
COULDN'T YOU JUST CONSIDER GIVING BRAD A SECOND CHANCE?
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
HELLO? ANYBODY HOME?
OH, MY GOD. YOU DIDN'T!
TRUST ME, IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
HELLO, BRAD.HEY!
SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.NICE TO SEE YOU.
YOU TOO, HANK. BRAD.
CAN'T WAIT TO TASTE THAT FAMOUS CHILI OF YOURS.
OH, LOOK, LAUREN,HE BROUGHT YOU TRUFFLES!
I KNOW THEY'RE YOUR FAVORITE.
[ LAUGHS ] NO, THEY'RE NOT.
YES, THEY ARE.NO, THEY'RE NOT.
NO ONE CAN POLISH OFF A BOX OF CHOCOLATES LIKE YOU CAN.
RIGHT?[ Laughing ] RIGHT.
WELL, DID YOU BRINGTHE DIVORCE PAPERS, TOO?
YOU'RE THREE WEEKS LATE IN SIGNING.
COULD I TALK TO YOU OUTSIDEFOR A MINUTE, PLEASE?
YEAH.
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
YOUR MOM INVITED ME OVER.
OKAY, FINE, YOU WANT ME TO BE HONEST?
THAT'D BE A FIRST. HA HA.
LOOK, THE DIVORCE PAPERS REALLY SCARED ME.
YOU KNOW, THE WHOLE FINALITY OF THE SITUATION.
[ LAUGHS ] I THINK YOU MADETHINGS PRETTY FINAL
WHEN YOU SLEPT WITH OUR MANICURIST.
Shh! You want your mom to hear? She's right there.
[ SIGHS ]
WHAT DO YOU WANT, BRAD?
I JUST WANT A LITTLE MORE TIME.
WHY? I'M NOT CHANGINGMY MIND.
I KNOW. I JUST NEED TO GET USED TO THE IDEA, THAT'S ALL.
HONEY, WE USED TO BE SO GOOD TOGETHER.
BACK IN COLLEGE, MAYBE,WHEN I WAS YOUNG AND STUPID.
YOU DON'T MEAN THAT.
YES, I DO.
HONEY, TRUST ME. NO ONE KNOWS YOU BETTER THAN I DO.
BRAD, COULD YOU HELP ME OPEN THIS BOTTLE OF WINE, PLEASE.
SURE THING, MOM.
I'M SO HAPPY YOU UNDERSTAND.
[ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ]
THANKS.
SO WHEN ARE YOU GONNA LET ME SET YOU UP WITH SOMEONE?
WHY DO MARRIED PEOPLE ALWAYSFEEL THE NEED
TO CONVERT THE SINGLETONS?
MISERY LOVES COMPANY.
VERY FUNNY.
WHAT ABOUT MY COUSIN BARRY?HE'S CUTE.
HE'S ALLERGIC TO SUNLIGHT.
OKAY, BAD CHOICE.
HE'S SWEET.
HE'S GAY!
WELL, NO ONE EVER MET THEIRHUSBAND IN A BAR ANYWAY.
HAVE YOU TRIEDsingleandlooking.com?
[ Laughing ] OH, MY GOD. WOULD YOU STOP?
I AM NOT LOOKING.
THIS IS NOT PART OF MY PLAN.
WHAT PLAN?
I NEED TO FOCUS ALL OF MY ENERGYON GETTING THAT PROMOTION.
OH, PLEASE.
THAT'S JUST AN EXCUSETO KEEP YOURSELF UNAVAILABLE.
IT IS NOT!
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I MET SOMEONE AT THE WEDDING TODAY.
HELLO! DISH IMMEDIATELY!
A FIREMAN.I LOVE FIREMEN.
WHY ARE THEY ALWAYS SO HOT?
OH, GOD, I THINK IT'S THAT UNIFORM.
WAS HE A TOTAL HIMBO?
NO, ACTUALLY, HE WAS SO SWEET AND FUNNY
AND HAD THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SMILEI'VE EVER SEEN.
HE SOUNDS AMAZING. I KNOW.
HE'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR.
IF YOU WERE ACTUALLY LOOKING.
I KNOW.[ CELLPHONE PLAYS "HERE COMES THE BRIDE" ]
GREAT.
BRAD?
WORSE. BARBARA, THE BRIDEZILLA.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
GOOD LUCK.
HELLO?
BARBARA, YOU DON'T NEED TO ORDERYOUR INVITATIONS THIS WEEK.
NO, YOUR WEDDING ISN'T FOR THREE YEARS.
OH, GOD! SORRY! OH! SORRY!
OH! HI, NICK.
LAUREN, RIGHT?
YEAH. WOW.
I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU ALL DAY.YOU HAVE?
YEAH, ABOUT YOUR WHOLE LIST THING.
OH. [ LAUGHS ] YOU REMEMBERED?
YES.
UM, SO WHAT ABOUT MY LIST?
WELL, YOU SAID THAT YOU MADE A LIST FOR EVERYTHING, RIGHT?
YEAH.
EVEN FOR THE THINGS THAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR IN A GUY?
YEAH, AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
THAT LIST IS VERY LONG.
[ LAUGHS ] I'M SURE THAT IS.
SO WOULD TALL, DARK, SEMI-CHARMING,
GOOFY FIREFIGHTER-TYPE BE ANYWHERE ON THAT LIST?
Darla: DARLING, FETCH MY DRINK?
OH.
DARLA.
LAURA, HEY!
IT'S LAUREN, ACTUALLY.
OH, OF COURSE. I'M SORRY.
THAT'S OKAY.
HOW DO YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER?
UM, ACTUALLY, WE JUST MET TODAY.
YEAH.
ISN'T THAT NICE?
WELL, UM, I'M GONNA GO AHEADAND GET BACK TO MY FRIEND.
WHY DON'T YOU JOIN US?
WELL [SIGHS] YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD DANCE WITH ME.
COME ON. [ LAUGHS ]
THAT'S OKAY.IT WAS NICE SEEING YOU BOTH.
YOU, TOO.
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
YOU ARE NEVER GONNA BELIEVE THIS. WHAT?
THE FIREMAN OF MY DREAMS
IS MARRYING THE CLIENT OF MY NIGHTMARES.
OH.
CAN WE GO?
YES.
THERE IT WAS -- JAMES NICHOLAS CORINA.
I UNDERSTOOD IMMEDIATELY
WHY NICK PREFERRED HIS MIDDLE NAME TO HIS FIRST.
JAMES WAS WAY TOO UPTIGHT
FOR A HANDSOMEAND FREE-SPIRITED GUY LIKE NICK.
[ SIGHS ] BUT WHAT DOES IT MATTER?
RULE NUMBER FOUR -- NEVER GET INVOLVED WITH THE GROOM.
[ GROWLS ]
[ YELPS ]
OH, AND CALL JACQUES.
FIND OUT IF HE CAN FLY IN FROM PARIS TO DO MY HAIR.
IF SO, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO BUY A TICKET FOR HIS POODLE.
OH, BEFORE I FORGET, BOOK ME A SESSION
IN THAT HYPERBARIC OXYGEN CHAMBER, WOULD YOU?
Lauren: RULE NUMBER FIVE -- BEWARE OF THE PSYCHO BRIDE.
THE PSYCHO BRIDE IS SOMEONE
WHO'S COMPLETELY LOST TOUCH WITH REALITY.
CASE IN POINT -- DARLA.
BONJOUR, JACQUES, I'M CALLING FROM MADAME "T's" OFFICE.
I NEED TO TALK CUT AND COLORS.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?STUNNING.
YOU LOOK LIKE A QUEEN.
QUEEN MARY, MAYBE.
THIS SKIRT MAKES ME LOOK LIKE A SHIP.
OUI, OUI. S.S. TERRIBLé.
NEXT.
I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO SEE THIS ONE...
JUST SO YOU KNOW, I'M NOT PAID TO THINK, JUST TO AGREE.
TRUST ME, I UNDERSTAND.
OH, HONEY, THE ONLY TIME I EVER HEAR THE WORD "EQUAL"
IS WHEN SHE WANTS TWO IN HER LATTE.
HERE, DOLL, YOU LOOK LIKEYOU COULD USE THIS.
THANKS.
SURE.
Woman: BEAUTIFUL.
OH! WAY TOO J. LO.
WHICH WEDDING?
WHO CARES?WE KNOW HOW THEY ALL TURN OUT.
OKAY, OKAY, THIS ISN'T WORKING. TRY AGAIN.
[ SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ]
THAT'S PRETTY.
VERY FLIRTY.
NO. NO.
NO.
Woman:HERE WE ARE.TRY THIS.
PERFECTION.
NO. STUPID.
LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.[ LAUGHS ]
Lauren: RULE NUMBER SIX IS AN ADDENDUM TO RULE NUMBER FIVE --
THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN THE PSYCHO BRIDE
IS THE INDECISIVE BRIDE.
NO.
NICE.
DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT.
NO. NO.
OKAY.
NO.
NO, FORGET IT.
Woman: OH, YES.
[ GASPS ]
OH, MY GOD. THAT'S THE ONE.
IT'S ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS.
LAUREN?Lauren: I HATED IT.
NOT BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T LOOK BEAUTIFUL,
BUT BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE THE DRESS I WORE AT MY WEDDING.
I WANTED TO CRY.
BUT SINCE I'M A PROFESSIONAL, I DID THE NEXT BEST THING.
I LIED.
THE DRESS SIMPLY DOESN'T DO YOU JUSTICE.
[ SIGHS ]
WELL, I THINK WE HAVE TO HAVE SOMETHING CUSTOM-MADE THEN.
AFTER A MISERABLE DAY WITH DARLA,
I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO THE SURPRISE
BONNIE SAID SHE HAD IN STORE FOR ME.
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME IT WAS THE FIREMAN'S BALL?
BECAUSE I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T COME.
[ SIGHS ] YOU'RE RIGHT. NICK IS ENGAGED.
SO? IF HE'S INDICATIVE OF THE FIREFIGHTER SPECIES,
THERE ARE BOUND TO BE OTHERS.
I JUST DON'T WANT TO RUN INTO HIM.
YOU WON'T. THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE HERE.
WHAT ARE THE ODDS?
NICK. BONNIE.
VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.PLEASURE.
SO, ARE YOU ON YOUR OWN TONIGHT?
YES, I AM.
AH, ME TOO.
I LOVE THAT FLOWER RIGHT IN YOURHAIR, THE LILY.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
OH, THANKS. [ LAUGHS ] IT'S MY FAVORITE FLOWER.
I'LL HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT.
SO, HOW DO YOU KNOW NICKY?
OH, WE MET AT A WEDDING.
LAUREN'S A WEDDING PLANNER.
OH, AND WHAT EXACTLYDOES A WEDDING PLANNER DO?
OH [LAUGHS] I DON'T WANT TO BORE ANYONE.
OH, YOU WON'T BORE ANYONE. TELL THEM ABOUT MR. CIBRIANI.
OH, THE DANGLING GROOM?YEAH.
THIS GUY THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA
TO RAPPEL HIS WAY TO THE ALTAR.
YEAH, WELL, HIS BRIDE DIDN'T THINK SO.
SHE SMACKED HIM.
I KNOW. SHE WANTED TO CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF
UNTIL I TOLD HER SHE'D HAVE TO RETURN THE PRESENTS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT ALL SOUNDS SO STRESSFUL.
OH, PLEASE, IT'S NOT LIKE SAVING PEOPLE'S LIVES.
WELL, LIVES AREN'T WORTH SAVING
WITHOUT GOOD RELATIONSHIPS AND CELEBRATIONS.
[ CHUCKLES ]
WELL SAID. I'LL DRINK TO THAT.
CHEERS.
Bonnie: CHEERS.
Lauren: I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
MY EX-HUSBAND COULDN'T TELL PEOPLE WHAT I DID FOR A LIVING
WITHOUT A PATRONIZING LAUGH,
AND HERE WAS A MAN
WHO NOT ONLY APPROVED BUT ACTUALLY UNDERSTOOD.
THERE WAS ONLY ONE TINY, LITTLE PROBLEM --
HE WAS ABOUT TO MARRY SOMEONE ELSE.
THAT MAN IS SERIOUSLY INTO YOU.
NO, HE ISN'T.
IT'S A CLASSIC CASEOF GROOM PANIC SYNDROME.
IT'S WHEN ENGAGED MENFREAK OUT OVER THE FACT
THAT THEY'LL ONLY BE ONE WOMANFOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES.
TRUST ME, NICK WOULD FIND EVENA LAMPPOST ATTRACTIVE RIGHT NOW.
I DOUBT THAT.
OH, NO.
I HAVE TO GO SAVE ROBERT FROM THE FIRE CHIEF'S WIFE.
OKAY, GO AHEAD.
WHOO-HOO-HOO!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
HEY!
[ LAUGHS ] WHAT? YOU DON'T LIKE MY DANCING?
UM, NO.
I DON'T REALLY WANT TO DANCE,BUT THANK YOU.
OH, COME ON,I'M A VIRTUAL FRED ASTAIRE HERE.
HEY, JAY, THINK MAYBE IT'S TIME YOU GO HOME, BRO.
OH, COME ON, DON'T START WITH THE GOOD BROTHER ROUTINE.
I'M WORKING HERE.
HOW ABOUT THE SOBER BROTHER ROUTINE?
FINE. THE OPEN BAR'S CLOSED ANYWAY.
HASTA LA VISTA.
SORRY.
I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S YOUR BROTHER.
HE'S ACTUALLY A REALLY GOOD GUY,
HE JUST GETS OUT OF CONTROL SOMETIMES.
HE'S A LITTLE STRESSED RIGHT NOW.
SORRY.
MAYBE WE SHOULD DANCE, YOU KNOW, FOR OUR OWN SAFETY.
[ LAUGHS ] SURE.
YOU'RE NOT BAD AT THIS.
THANK YOU.
MY MOM TAUGHT ME A THING OR TWO.
SHE TOLD ME THAT A WOMAN DOESN'T WANT A MAN
WITH TWO LEFT FEET.
I THINK SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT MY DAD.
WELL, YOUR MOM'S A VERY WISE WOMAN.
SHE WAS. SHE PASSED AWAY.
OH, I'M SORRY.NO, NO, NO, NO. DON'T BE.
IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.
AND IT MIGHT HELP EXPLAIN WHY JAY AND I ARE SO DIFFERENT.
SINCE SHE WASN'T AROUND WHEN HE WAS GROWING UP,
HE DOESN'T REALLY UNDERSTAND WOMEN.
ALTHOUGH I'M NOT REALLY SURE THAT I DO EITHER.
[ LAUGHS ]
YEAH, WELL, WE ARE COMPLEX CREATURES.
YEAH.
♪ WITH EACH WORD, YOUR TENDERNESS GROWS ♪
♪ TEARING MY FEARS APART
♪ AND THAT LAUGH THAT WRINKLES YOUR NOSE ♪
♪ IT TOUCHES MY FOOLISH HEART
♪ OH, LOVELY
♪ DON'T YOU EVER CHANGE
♪ KEEP THAT BREATHLESS CHARM
♪ WON'T YOU PLEASE ARRANGE IT
♪ 'CAUSE I LOVE YOU
♪ JUST THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT ♪
♪ OOOH, TONIGHT
I HAVE TO GO.
WAIT, WHAT IF I HAVETO GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU?
IF I HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT THE WEDDING?
DARLA HAS MY NUMBER.
LOOK, WHY DON'T WE JUSTCUT OUT THE MIDDLEMAN
AND LET ME TAKE YOU TO LUNCH TOMORROW?
I CAN'T. I HAVE A HUGE WEDDING AT SHADOW PEAK.
ALL RIGHT, WELL,THEN I'LL SEE YOU THERE.
YOU DON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER, DO YOU?
NO.
Lauren: THIS IS SO WRONG.
Lauren: AFTER A CONFUSING EVENING,
I WAS SO GRATEFUL FOR THE DISTRACTION OF WORK,
BUT, UNFORTUNATELY,
THAT INCLUDED BABYSITTING MY BOSS'S DOG, SNICKERS.
DETERMINED TO KEEP EVERYTHING ON TRACK,
I FOCUSED ON MY USUAL ROUTINE.
MAN OF THE CLOTH -- CHECK.
MUSICIANS -- CHECK.
FLOWERS -- CHECK.
[ CELLPHONE PLAYS "HERE COMES THE BRIDE" ]
STAY THERE, SNICKERS.
HELLO?
BARBARA, IF YOU BUY YOUR GOWN NOW,
IT'S GONNA BE OUT OF STYLE BY THE TIME YOU GET MARRIED.
[ PHONE BEEPS ]
HOLD ON A SEC.
HELLO?
Woman:Lauren, we can't find
the boutonnieres for the groomsmen.
RIGHT NEXT TO THE SIGN-IN BOOK.
BARBARA, I HAVE TO GO.
LET'S HOLD OUT FOR THAT VERA WANG SAMPLE SALE
THAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT.
OKAY, BYE.[ WOMAN SCREAMS ]
WHAT'S WRONG?
MY DRESS IS RUINED!
WHAT HAPPENED?
THE DOG DID IT!IT'S OKAY.
SNICKERS!
DON'T PANIC.
OH! OH!
WHAT'S THE HURRY?
I HAVE TO CATCH THAT DOG.
DONE.[ GROWLS ]
SNICKERS, COME!
[ GASPS ]
OH, THERE WE GO.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU GO THIS SIDE, I'LL GO THE OTHER.
[ BARKING ]
IS THIS YOUR DOG?
NO, IT'S MY BOSS'S.
SHE MIGHT WANT TO CONSIDERPUTTING HIM ON DOGGIE PROZAC.
SHE CAN JUST LOAN HIM SOME OF HERS.
[ SIGHS ] HE'S GONE.
[ CRASHING ]
THERE HE IS.
YOU GO RIGHT, I'LL GO LEFT.
EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME. I GOT AN IDEA.
HERE, POOCHIE, POOCHIE.HERE YOU GO.
SNICKERS.
SNICKERS?
YEAH, IT'S HIS NAME. DON'T ASK.
HERE, SNICKERS.
WOULD YOU LIKEA LITTLE QUICHE?[ WHINES ]
WOULD YOU LIKE A LITTLE QUICHE?
OOH! OKAY. THANK YOU, YES.
OKEYDOKEY. THANK YOU.
NO, THANK YOU.
WE FIREMEN, WE RESCUE SO MANY KITTIES, SO FEW DOGGIES.
ALL RIGHT, NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I HAVE TO GO WORK MIRACLES.
[ WEDDING PROCESSIONAL PLAYS ]
Man: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE BE SEATED.
Nick: GREAT JOB.THANK YOU.
I THINK THAT WE MAKE
A PRETTY DARN GOOD TEAMTOGETHER, DON'T YOU?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK THESE INTERACTIONS BETWEEN US
ARE A LITTLE INAPPROPRIATE.
AH, YEAH, I AGREE.
YOU DO? YEAH.
I THINK WE SHOULD BE HAVINGTHESE INTERACTIONS OVER DINNER.
THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.
OH, WELL, HOW ABOUT IT?
I THINK IT WOULD BE BEST TO ONLY TALK ABOUT WEDDING-RELATED THINGS.
OKAY.
GOOD.
[ SIGHS ]
DARLA TOLD ME THAT YOUSTILL HAVEN'T FOUND
A PLACE FOR THE RECEPTION YET.
I HAVE A GREAT PLACE IN MIND.
COME ON. HOW MUCH MOREWEDDING-RELATED CAN IT GET?
I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.
JEEZ, WHEN YOU SAIDYOU HAD THE PERFECT SPOT,
I DIDN'T THINK I'D HAVE TO CHANGE
INTO HIKING BOOTS TO GET THERE.
BEAR WITH ME. WE'RE ALMOST THERE.
AW, IT'S PRETTY.
I LOVE IT HERE.
I COME HERE WEEKENDS TO DECOMPRESS.
I VACUUM TO DECOMPRESS.
UH, THAT'S INTERESTING.WHAT DO YOU DO FOR EXCITEMENT?
I FIND ORGANIZING MY CLOSET'S GOOD.
[ LAUGHS ]
WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME?
YOU'LL SEE.
DON'T WORRY. I'M NOT AN AXE MURDERER OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
[ LAUGHS ] YEAH, LIKE YOU'DTELL ME IF YOU WERE.
[ CELLPHONE CHIRPING ]
YOUR PURSE IS CHIRPING.
YEAH, I KNOW.
YOU KNOW, THE PARK DISTRICT HAS
A VERY, VERY STRICT POLICY ON WILDLIFE IN CAPTIVITY.
[ SIGHS ]IT'S MY WALKIE-TALKIE.
OH.
SORRY.
HELLO?
Woman: Hey, Lauren, some woman named Barbara
showed up at the reception looking for you.
TELL HER TO HAVE A PIECE OF CAKE,
AND I'LL CALL HERAS SOON AS I CAN, THANKS.
NEVER A DULL MOMENT, HUH?
NOPE.
[ CAROUSEL MUSIC PLAYS ]
THERE IT IS.
WOW.
A FAIRGROUND. TRUST ME.
Lauren: RIGHT, I'M GONNA TRUST AGUY WHO'S ENGAGED TO MY CLIENT.
I'LL JUST KEEP SMILING POLITELY.
WE USED TO COME HERE ALL THE TIME AS KIDS.
I THOUGHT IT'D BE A GREAT PLACE FOR A RECEPTION.
IT'S GREAT.
BUT, UM, I DON'T THINK THIS IS WHAT DARLA HAD IN MIND.
BESIDES, WE'D HAVE TO RENT TENTSAND BRING IN CATERERS.
AND THINK OF ALL THE MOSQUITO REPELLANT WE'D HAVE TO BUY.
OK, SO, UH, SO IT'S A BAD IDEA?
[ LAUGHS ] IT'S NOT A BAD IDEA.
IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS.
HERE'S ANOTHER THOUGHT.
HOW ABOUT WE GO TAKE A RIDE ON THAT CAROUSEL
BEFORE WE HEAD BACK.
COME ON. I'LL MAKE SURE YOU GET PAID TIME AND A HALF.
IT'S JUST A CAROUSEL RIDE.
[ CHUCKLES ]
YOU KNOW, THE MERRY-GO-ROUND
WAS MY FAVORITE RIDE AS A LITTLE GIRL.
I WAS MORE OF A TILT-A-WHIRL KIND OF GUY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
LOOK, LAUREN, I'M GONNA BE HONEST WITH YOU.
I DIDN'T ASK YOU ALL THE WAY OUT HERE
JUST TO TALK ABOUT THE WEDDING.
I REALLY -- I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT --
WHEN THE RIDE'S OVER, I-I'D LIKE TO TALK ABOUT...
YOU AND ME.
Lauren: I KNEW THERE COULD BE NO YOU AND ME
INVOLVING DARLA'S FIANCé.
[ GASPS ] BUT WHEN NICK SAID THOSE THREE LITTLE WORDS,
THEY SOUNDED REALLY GOOD.
I WAS GETTING IN DEEPER AND DEEPER,
AND I HAD TO PUT A STOP TO IT.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I HAVE TO GO. RIGHT NOW?
UH-HUH.
DON'T YOU AT LEAST WANT TO WAIT TILL THE RIDE STOPS?
I'M GONNA --I'LL JUST GET OFF RIGHT HERE.
OH!
ARE YOU OKAY?
YEAH, I'M FINE.
LOOKS LIKE YOU TWISTED THAT PRETTY BADLY.
LET'S GET YOU TO A HOSPITAL.NO, I'M FINE.
NO, SEE.
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. IT'LL BE OKAY.
LIKE I SAID --NO, I'M FINE. I SWEAR.
NO, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET YOU TO THE HOSPITAL, OKAY?
I DON'T NEED TO GO --I HATE HOSPITALS.
I DO THIS FOR A LIVING, OKAY?
TWO HOURS IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM AND TWO PERCOCET LATER,
I WAS FEELING NO PAIN.
Shh! [ GIGGLES ]
YOU MUST BE QUIET, OKAY?
Okay, sorry.
DO YOU LIVE ALONE?
YEAH. N-NO. I MEAN, YES,BUT MY SISTER'S STAYING WITH ME.
SHE AND HER BOYFRIEND BROKE UP.I DON'T KNOW.
UH, HELLO?
[ CHUCKLES ]
HELLO?
[ LAUGHS ]
I DON'T -- I DON'T THINK SHE'S HERE.
AND I DON'T REALLY WANT TO LEAVE YOU BY YOURSELF.
[ LAUGHS ]
YOU TOOK A LOT OF PAIN MEDICATION.
I'M FINE, REALLY.
EXCEPT, YOU KNOW WHAT'S REALLYFUNNY AND WEIRD?
I CAN BARELY FOCUS.
MY GOD, YOU'RE CUTE BLURRY.
[ CHUCKLES ] THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
I HAD SO MUCH FUN TODAY THOUGH.
NOT THE HOSPITAL.
BUT THE PARK WAS FUN.
I LOVED THE ROWBOATS,
AND THAT CAROUSEL [Laughing]WAS FUN UNTIL I FELL OFF.
YEAH, THAT WASN'T --
I'M SO STUPID.
NO, NO.
[ SIGHS ]
I LIKE YOU, NICK.
I DO.
I KNOW I SHOULDN'T, BUT I DO.
[ LIGHT CLATTERING ]
OH, MY GOD. HE'S STILL HERE.
Nick:YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER MET ANYBODY
WHO MADE A TO-DO LIST IN THEIR SLEEP BEFORE.
YEAH, MY SISTER'S KIND OFFREAKY LIKE THAT.
I THINK IT'S PRETTY CUTE.
MORNING, PATIENT. HOW'S THE ANKLE?
UH, BETTER. WHAT IS GOING ON IN MY KITCHEN?
YOUR SISTER CONNED ME INTO MAKING BREAKFAST.
YOU SHOULD TRY NICK'S PANCAKES.THEY'RE BETTER THAN MOM'S.
YOU SHOULD SIT. I'M MAKING YOU FOOD.
WELL, THANKS FOR THE GRUB,
BUT I GOT TO MOTOR TO MAKE IT TO CLASS.
BYE! BYE!
SO, HOW YOU FEELING?
UH, CONFUSED.
OH.
I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE YOU HEREBY YOURSELF LAST NIGHT.
YOU WERE PRETTY OUT OF IT.
WHERE WAS LILY?
SHE WAS OUT CLUBBINGUNTIL 5:00 A.M. THIS MORNING.
YOU AND YOUR SISTER ARE VERY DIFFERENT.
YEAH, THAT'S PUTTING IT LIGHTLY.
YOUR JUICE. I SQUEEZED IT FRESH.
OKAY, THIS IS TOO MUCH.
I APPRECIATE EVERYTHING,BUT THE JUICE, THE STAYING OVER.
I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO THINK THAT THIS MEANS ANYTHING.
YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME NOW THATYOU DON'T DATE YOUR CLIENTS?
OF COURSE I DON'T DATE MY CLIENTS.
OKAY, WELL,THAT SETTLES IT FOR ME.
I'M OUT OF THE WEDDING.
YOU CAN'T! OH, MY GOD!
AND THIS DISH, BY THE WAY, NEEDS TO SOAK,
AND THIS KITCHEN IS A MESS!
I JUST DON'T WANT YOUTO HURT YOURSELF.
DON'T DO IT.
THE DISHES?
NO, THE WEDDING.SO NOW YOU DON'T WANT MEIN THE WEDDING?
NO, I DO WANT YOU IN THE WEDDING.
[ CHUCKLES ] ALL RIGHT.
I HAVE TO GO TO WORK, SO LET'SDISCUSS THIS OVER DINNER.
ABSOLUTELY NOT!
OKAY, GREAT. MEET MEAT THE STATION ABOUT 6:00.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?I NEVER JOKE ABOUT FOOD.
TRY YOUR BREAKFAST AND YOU'LL SEE.
[ SIGHS ]
[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?IT'S PRACTICALLY LUNCH.
IT'S 10:30, AND I'M LATE BECAUSE I SPRAINED MY ANKLE.
LAUREN, DEAR,I CAN'T HAVE YOU HANDICAPPED
FOR ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANTWEDDINGS OF MY CAREER.
NO MATTER NOW.
DARLA'S WAITING FOR YOUIN MY OFFICE.
SHE SAYS IT'S IMPORTANT, AND SHEONLY WANTS TO SPEAK TO YOU.
DID SHE SAY WHAT IT WAS ABOUT?
THE WEDDING, OF COURSE.HURRY UP!
[ DARLA SOBBING ]
LISTEN, DARLA, I CAN EXPLAIN.
I AM SO SORRY. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING.
I FEEL SO AWFUL. YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
DON'T. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
IT'S NOT?
OF COURSE NOT.
HOW CAN YOU BE LATE TOAN APPOINTMENT I NEVER MADE?
WELL, THEN, WHY ARE YOU CRYING?
[ SIGHS ]
MY FIANCé AND I HAD A FIGHTTHE OTHER NIGHT.
IT WAS SO BAD HE EVEN THREATENEDTO CALL OFF THE WHOLE WEDDING.
WHAT WAS YOUR FIGHT ABOUT?
[ SIGHS ] THE GUEST LIST.
SILLY, REALLY.
THAT'S WHY I KNOW YOU CANHELP US WORK THINGS OUT.
OF COURSE.
I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND. I TOLDHIM HE COULD MEET ME HERE.
YOU DID?
I JUST KNOW IF THERE'SA PRACTICAL PERSON PRESENT,
HE'LL LISTEN TO REASON.
RIGHT. EXCUSE ME ONE MINUTE, OKAY?
THANKS. BE RIGHT BACK.
Jay: OH, HI. UH, LAUREN, RIGHT?
UH, YEAH.
LISTEN, I'M REALLY SORRYABOUT THE OTHER NIGHT.
DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT.NO, REALLY.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW.
I'M DEALING WITH A CLIENT.
YEAH, DARLA SAID YOU WANTED TOTALK TO US ABOUT THE GUEST LIST.
I THOUGHT THAT WAS BETWEEN THE BRIDE AND GROOM.
IT IS.
THEN, IS NICK COMING?
NOT THAT I KNOW OF.
SWEETIE, HI.
SO, ARE WE STILL WAITINGON THE GROOM?
THAT'S ME.
JAY IS JAMES, THE GROOM.
BUT I THOUGHT THAT, UM --ISN'T NICK THE, UH --
BEST MAN.
OF COURSE HE IS. [ LAUGHS ]
NOW LET'S GO WORK ON THAT GUEST LIST.
Lauren: RULE NUMBER SEVEN --
EVERYTHING THAT CAN GO WRONG CAN GO RIGHT, TOO.
NICK WASN'T ENGAGED AFTER ALL.
NO MORE CONFUSION, NO MORE GUILT.
THE ROAD WAS FINALLY CLEAR.
[ ALARM BLARES ]
Nick: LET'S GO! LET'S GO! LET'S GO!
[ KIDS YELLING INDISTINCTLY ]
HEY.
ALL RIGHT. EVERYBODY DOWN. EVERYBODY DOWN.
DON'T WORRY. IT'S JUST A DRILL.
AH, THAT'S A RELIEF.THEY LOOK A LITTLE YOUNG.
HEY, GUYS, NEXT WEEK,
I'M GONNA SHOW YOU GUYS HOWTO COME DOWN THE FIRE POLE.
[ CHEERING ]
HOW'S YOUR ANKLE?
BETTER, THANK YOU.GOOD.
WHOO!WHOO!WHOO!
HEY, ALL RIGHT. ENOUGH, ENOUGH.
I HAVE TO HANG AROUND TILL THEIR PARENTS GET HERE.
DO YOU MIND HANGING OUT WITH US FOR A LITTLE WHILE?
NO, NOT AT ALL.
I PROMISE YOU, IT'LL BE WORTH THE WAIT.
IN THE MEANTIME,WHO WANTS TO PLAY TAG?
YOU'RE IT.
AH! OHHH.
CAREFUL.
THANK YOU.
MM-HMM. HUH?
WOW. [ LAUGHS ]
SO, THIS IS WORTH THE WAIT?
HUMOR ME FOR A SECOND.
THE LAST TIME I HUMORED YOU,
I ENDED UP WITH A SPRAINED ANKLE.
WATCH YOUR STEP. WATCH YOUR STEP.
THANK YOU.
CAN YOU TELL I'M NOTA HUGE FAN OF SURPRISES?
YEAH. WHY NOT?
SURPRISES CAN BE THE NICEST PART OF LIFE.
SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.
[ GASPS ]
WOW.
THIS IS AMAZING.
YOU THINK?
OH.
I DISCOVERED THIS PLACE
PUTTING OUT A FIRE IN THIS BUILDING.
I CAME UP HERE TO GET SOME AIR,
AND I JUST COULDN'T BELIEVEHOW BEAUTIFUL IT WAS.
IT'S GORGEOUS.
SO, YOU READY TO EAT?
I-I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE YET.
OH. OKAY. IN THAT CASE...
WE DON'T HAVE TO.
AH.
I HOPE YOU DON'T MINDDINING AL FRESCO.
[ CHUCKLES ]
FOR A GUY WHO DOESN'T LIKE TO PLAN AHEAD,
THIS CERTAINLY REQUIRED A LOT OF FORETHOUGHT.
I BET YOU EVEN HAD TO MAKE A LIST.
YES, I DID, BUT IT WASDEFINITELY WORTH IT.
GLASS OF WINE?
I'D LOVE ONE. THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME. CHEERS.
TO SURPRISES.
I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW BEAUTIFUL THIS IS.
YEAH. YOU KNOW, I'M REALLYGLAD YOU CAME TONIGHT.
I WAS STARTING TO THINK YOU WEREN'T INTERESTED AT ALL.
[ LAUGHS ]
WELL, ACTUALLY, THERE'S A REASON
WHY I'VE BEEN SO STAND-OFFISH.
I THOUGHT YOU AND DARLAWERE TOGETHER.
ISN'T THAT CRAZY?
IT'S NOT THAT CRAZY. DARLA AND I DID GO OUT.
YOU WERE A COUPLE?
NO. NO.
WE HAD TWO DATES. IT WAS NOTHING.
IT WAS JUST REALLY WEIRD
SEEING YOU TOGETHER AT THE BAR.
SHE WAS HANGING ALL OVER YOU.
DARLA IS JUST A BIG FLIRT, OKAY?
AND WE WERE NOT TOGETHER, BELIEVE ME.
JAY WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET US, BUT HE GOT STUCK AT WORK.
LAUREN, I DON'T PLAY GAMES. I'M A VERY STRAIGHT-UP GUY.
HONESTY IS...VERY IMPORTANT TO ME.
AND DARLA...
MM-HMM.
SHE'S JUST NOT MY TYPE.
WHAT IS YOUR TYPE?
WELL, ALL RIGHT, STARTING WITH THE BASICS --
FEMALE...
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
NONSMOKER, PREFERABLY NO PRISON RECORD...
UNMARRIED.
YOU DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH THOSE PESKY HUSBANDS.
INTELLIGENT...
SENSITIVE...
SLIGHTLY OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE,
INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL,
YOU KNOW, SOMEONE LIKE YOU.
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
ARE YOU GONNA RUN AWAY IF I TRY TO KISS YOU AGAIN?
♪ SOME DAY, WHEN I'M AWFULLY LOW ♪
♪ WHEN THE WORLD IS COLD
♪ I WILL FEEL A GLOW JUST THINKING OF... ♪
THIS IS MY APARTMENT.
IT'S VERY NICE.
♪ AND THE WAY YOU LOOK...
IT'S A LITTLE MESSY.
♪ TONIGHT
YOU KNOW, YOU NEVER TOLD ME
WHAT YOUR TYPE WAS.
WELL, I'M LOOKINGFOR SOMEONE WHO'S SMART...
FUNNY...
TRUSTWORTHY...
WOULD YOU SETTLE FOR ME INSTEAD?
I AM TALKING ABOUT YOU.
♪ AND THAT LAUGH THAT WRINKLES YOUR NOSE ♪
♪ IT TOUCHES MY FOOLISH HEART
♪ LOVELY
♪ DON'T YOU EVER CHANGE
♪ KEEP THAT BREATHLESS CHARM
♪ WON'T YOU PLEASE ARRANGE IT?
♪ 'CAUSE I LOVE YOU
♪ JUST THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT ♪
♪ OOOOOH, TONIGHT
STOP RIGHT THERE.
I'M MAKING A CITIZEN'S ARREST AND ORDERING YOU BACK TO BED.
I'M LATE FOR WORK.
I'LL WRITE YOU A NOTE.
COME ON. CLOTHES ARE THE ENEMY.
OH. DO YOU MIND IF I PICK THAT UP?
I JUST HAD IT DRY-CLEANED.
AT CHEZ CORINA, WE LEAVE OUR BAGGAGE AT THE DOOR.
YEAH, AND APPARENTLY,EVERYTHING ELSE ON THE FLOOR.
[ CHUCKLES ]
CAN YOU HANDLE THAT?
I CAN TRY.
OKAY.
I THINK I HAVE SOMETHING THAT MIGHT HELP YOU.
I MEANT TO GIVE THIS TO YOU LAST NIGHT, BUT I FORGOT.
A ROCK?
[ CHUCKLES ]
I THOUGHT WHEN A GIRLGOT A ROCK,
IT WAS IN THE FORM OF A RING.
THAT'S NOT A ROCK. THAT'S A STONE.
THAT'S A WORRY STONE.
WHENEVER YOU FEEL REALLY STRESSED,
YOU JUST RUB YOUR WORRIES AWAY.
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
THAT'S SO SWEET.
I'LL STAY FOR A FEW MINUTES.
OKAY.
SORRY I'M LATE.
[ vase shatters ]
G?
IS ANYONE IN THERE?
I HAVE A WEAPON!
SNICKERS!
WHY DO YOU HATE ME?
"GONE TO ATLANTA WEDDING CONVENTION.
PLEASE TAKE KING SNICKERS TO DOGGIE DAY CARE."
[ SIGHS ] GREAT.
[ BARKS ]
[ BARKING ]
[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]
LAUREN?
HI, THERE. I'M LYNDA TEDANSKI, DARLA'S MOTHER.
HI. IT'S SO NICE TO MEET YOU.
LIKEWISE.
[ SNICKERS BARKS ]
OH, WHAT AN ADORABLE LITTLE DOG.
OH, HE'S A REAL CHARMER.
HELLO.
SET HIM OUT HERE,
AND WE'LL GO IN THEREAND TALK.
YEAH.
PLEASE, COME ON IN.
HAVE A SEAT.
OH. UM, PLEASE EXCUSE ME.
THAT CHAIR'S ACTUALLYA LITTLE MORE COMFORTABLE.
THANK YOU. YES, THAT'S BETTER.
OKAY. SO, ABOUT THE SEATING CHART...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOUR MOTHER
WANTED TO SIT WITH HER BINGO FRIENDS,
AND I ACTUALLY HAVE THEM ALLSITTING TOGETHER AT TABLE 20.
IS EVERYTHING OKAY, MRS. TEDANSKI?
ACTUALLY, NO.
I'M NOT EVEN SURE IT'S APPROPRIATE TO TELL YOU THIS,
BUT TROUBLESHOOTING IS WHAT WE PAY YOU FOR.
RIGHT.
LET ME FIRST SAY THAT DARLA IS A WONDERFUL GIRL.
OH, YES, OF COURSE.
SHE'S JUST ALWAYS HAD A BIT OF A WILD STREAK,
BUT I THOUGHT SINCE SHE GOT ENGAGED..
I SAW ONE OF THE GROOMSMEN AT MY DAUGHTER'S YESTERDAY.
OH, MRS. TEDANSKI.
THERE'S NOTHING UNUSUAL ABOUT THAT.
NAKED.
WITH DARLA?
WE-WERE THEY, UM...
DO YOU, BY CHANCE, KNOWWHICH GROOMSMAN IT WAS?
I ONLY SAW THE BACK OF HIS HEAD,
BUT I THINK IT WAS HIS BROTHER.
NICK?
YES, THE ONE SHE USED TO DATE.
BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
WITH DARLA, ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE.
SO YOU THINK THAT DARLAAND NICK ARE --
ARE HAVING AN AFFAIR? I'M AFRAID SO.
I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
NEITHER DO I.
Lauren: I TOLD BONNIE IT WAS AN EMERGENCY,
AND SHE HAD TO MEET ME AT THE BAR.
AND EVEN THOUGH IT WAS HAPPY HOUR,
THERE WAS NOTHING HAPPY ABOUT IT.
IT MAKES SENSE, RIGHT?
I DECIDE TO TRUST MEN AGAIN, AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENS.
I'M SUCH AN IDIOT.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK?
WHY? SO YOU CAN LULL ME INTO A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY
AND BREAK MY HEART? NO THANKS.
NEVER MIND.
TOO HARSH?JUST A LITTLE.
I MEAN, IN NICK'S DEFENSE,
MRS. TEDANSKI SAID SHE ONLY SAW THE BACK OF HIS HEAD.
SHE SAID IT WAS THE BROTHER.
HOW MANY BROTHERS DOES HE HAVE?
ONE. I THINK.
LOOK, I DON'T WANTTO JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS.
I JUST DON'T WANT YOUTO FALL FOR ANOTHER BRAD.
TRUST ME. NICK IS DEFINITELY NOT BRAD.
OR MAYBE HE IS.
HE SAID HE WASN'T LIKE HIS BROTHER, BUT WHO KNOWS.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE.
WHAT DOES NICK HAVE TO SAY?
I DON'T KNOW. I'VE BEEN AVOIDING HIS CALLS.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD GIVE HIMA CHANCE TO EXPLAIN.
I'M TIRED OF SECOND CHANCES.
Darla: HELLO? IS ANYBODY THERE?
I'M IN HERE.
HI, LAUREN.
OH, HI, DARLA.
I WAS JUST WORKING ON YOUR TABLEFOR THE RECEPTION.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?IT'S FINE.
UM, WELL, BECAUSE IF YOUDON'T LIKE IT, I COULD --
FORGET ABOUT THE TABLE.
I WANT TO GET MARRIED SOONER.
HOW MUCH SOONER?THIS SATURDAY.
WHY CAN'T YOU WAIT THE EXTRA TWO WEEKS?
BECAUSE I JUST CAN'T.
LISTEN, DARLA, IF I'M GONNATHROUGH THE HUGE INCONVENIENCE
OF MOVING UP YOUR WEDDING,
I NEED A BETTER REASONTHAN YOU JUST CAN'T.
I'M PREGNANT.
WELL, I'M SURE JAYWILL MAKE A GREAT DAD.
[ CLEARS THROAT ] IT ISN'T HIS.
EX-EXCUSE ME?
I SAID THE BABY ISN'T HIS. OKAY?
WHOSE IS IT?
DARLA, WHOSE IS IT?
IT'S HIS BROTHER'S.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
YOU'VE GOT EVERYTHING, AND YOU'RE THROWING IT ALL AWAY?
YOU THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE
YOU WERE BORN WITH A SILVER SPOON IN YOUR MOUTH
GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU DO?
WELL, I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU.
BEING PRIVILEGED DOESN'T MAKE YOU ENTITLED.
ARE YOU FINISHED YET?
NO, I AM NOT FINISHED,
BECAUSE I HAVEN'T ANSWERED YOUR QUESTION.
NO, DARLA, I WILL NOT MOVE UP YOUR WEDDING,
BECAUSE, FRANKLY, I THINK THIS IS PART OF YOUR LATEST SCHEME.
SO, FIRE ME.
OR ACTUALLY TELL G TO FIRE ME.
BUT I WON'T DO IT.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO FIND SOME OTHER WAY OUT OF THIS MESS,
AND I SUGGEST THAT YOU START BEING HONEST
WITH THE PEOPLE THAT CARE ABOUT YOU,
BECAUSE THEY DON'T DESERVE THIS.
NOW I'M FINISHED.
YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU SAID THAT.
[ SNICKERS SNARLING ] [ GASPS ]
YOU -- LET GO OF THAT.
AH!
GIMME --
[ SNICKERS BARKING ]
GOOD BOY, SNICKERS.
GOOD BOY. YES, YOU ARE.
YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD BOY. YES, YOU ARE.
YOU ARE. I KNOW.
Lauren: EVEN THOUGH I PROBABLY RUINED MY CHANCES
OF GETTING THAT PROMOTION,
TELLING OFF DARLA WAS THE FIRSTTIME I EVER STOOD UP FOR MYSELF,
AND IT FELT GREAT.
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
[ SIGHS ] WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
WE NEED TO TALK.
I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU...
ABOUT ANYTHING.
BRAD!
SO, MY THERAPIST THINKSWE SHOULD GET BACK TOGETHER.
OH. [ CHUCKLES ]
HE SAID THAT I'M NOTGONNA GROW AS A "ME."
I NEED TO BE A "WE."
AH, THERE IS NO WE. THERE NEVER WAS.
THERE WAS ONLY YOU.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
YES, IT IS.
NO, IT'S NOT. YES, IT IS.
GOD, LAUREN,YOU'RE BEING REALLY HARSH.
OH, I'M BEING HARSH? YOU CHEATED ON ME.
WHAT IS IT WITH YOU GUYS?
IS IT SO HARD TO STAY FAITHFUL TO ONE WOMAN?
ACTUALLY, MY THERAPIST SAYS
IT'S NOT WITHIN OUR GENETIC MAKEUP.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH YOU HURT ME?
HOW YOU DESTROYED ANY HOPES I HAD OF OUR LIFE TOGETHER?
DO YOU?
WELL, I SAID I WAS SORRY.
SORRY ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH.
SIGN.
OH, LAUREN, YOU DON'T WANT METO SIGN THIS.
YES, I DO.
NO, YOU DON'T.SHUT THE HELL UP, BRAD.
FOR ONCE, I'M GONNA HAVE THE LAST WORD.
SIGN.
OKAY, BUT YOUR MOM IS GONNA BEREALLY PISSED.
I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES.
YOU KNOW THE WAY OUT.
WHO ARE YOU?
I'M LAUREN'S HUSBAND.
UH, CAN I -- I TALK TO HERFOR A MINUTE?
OH, SORRY. SHE'S IN THE BATH.
WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME YOUR NAME,
AND I'LL TELL HER YOU STOPPED BY?
NO, NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.THANKS.
Lauren: AS I ARRIVED AT WORK THE NEXT MORNING,
THE BUZZ I HAD FROM MY SELF-EMPOWERMENT BINGE
QUICKLY WORE OFF.
G WAS BACK IN THE OFFICE, AND I WAS CERTAIN I'D BE FIRED.
LAUREN, IN HERE NOW!
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENEDWHILE I WAS GONE?
G, LISTEN, I CAN EXPLAIN.
MY CHAIR IS RUINED.
YOU -- YOU MEAN THIS ISN'T ABOUT DARLA?
NOT UNLESS SHE'S THE ONEWHO PEED ON IT.
OF COURSE NOT.
SNICKERS HAD AN ACCIDENT WHEN YOU WERE GONE,
BUT IT'S ONLY BECAUSE HE MISSED YOU.
OH, THERE'S MY PRECIOUS BABY.COME TO MOMMY, SNICKERS.
[ GROWLING, BARKS ]
GO TO YOUR MAMA, SNICKERS.COME ON, SNICKERS.
GO TO YOUR MAMA.
HE'S JUST TRYING TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS.
I GUESS. HMM.
WHAT WERE YOU SAYING ABOUT DARLA?
WELL, I-I WAS WONDERINGIF YOU SPOKE TO HER.
NO, BUT I SPOKE TO HER MOTHER, AND SHE SAID TO COMPLIMENT YOU
ON HANDLING A VERY DELICATE SITUATION.
SHE SAID THAT?
AND THAT WE'RE MOVING THE WEDDING UP TO THIS SATURDAY.
THEY'RE STILL GOING THROUGHWITH IT?
WELL, WHY WOULDN'T THEY?
G, I DON'T THINK THIS ISSOMETHING I CAN REALLY DO.
OH, PLEASE. YOU NEED TO OVERNIGHT THESE.
SO, I'M NOT FIRED?
OF COURSE NOT. I TOLD YOU.
IF YOU PULL THIS OFF, YOU'LL BE PROMOTED.
MY MIGRAINES ARE BACK.
Lauren: I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THRILLED
THAT WE PULLED OFFDARLA'S WEDDING OFF IN TWO DAYS,
BUT ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WAS NICK.
HOW COULD I FALL FOR SOMEONE
WHO WOULD SLEEP WITH HIS BROTHER'S FIANCéE
AND THEN LIE TO ME ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP?
DESPITE HOW BETRAYED I FELT, I KNEW I HAD TO DO A GOOD JOB,
NO MATTER WHAT.
DARLA, I HAVE YOUR -- [ GASPS ]
RICK, I TOLD YOU TO LOCK THE DOOR.
RICK?
RICK CORINA,JAY AND NICK'S LITTLE BROTHER.
NICK WASN'T HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH DARLA.
A WAVE OF RELIEF WASHED OVER ME,UNTIL I REALIZED
THERE'S STILL SOMETHING HORRIBLYWRONG WITH THIS PICTURE.
[ SIGHS ] HOW COULD YOU?
IS THERE A FOURTH OR FIFTH BROTHER I DON'T KNOW ABOUT?
HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THEM, TOO?
DO YOU HONESTLY THINK YOU CAN MANAGE TILL DEATH DO US PART
WHEN YOU CAN'T EVEN STAY FAITHFUL FOR A DAY?
DON'T BE SO PROVINCIAL.
AND YOU -- HOW COULD YOU DO THISTO YOUR BROTHER?
HE STOLE MY GIRLFRIENDS BEFORE.
DARLA?
JAY. [ GASPS ]
HONEY, IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.
OH, YEAH?
YEAH, JAY, SHE CAN EXPLAIN, REALLY.
WHY DON'T I EXPLAIN SOMETHING?
JAY, NO! HEY, GET OFF HIM!
GUYS, COME ON!
GET BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE--
GUYS, STOP IT.
THAT'S IT.
STOP IT.
OH, MY GOD. YOU'RE RUINING YOUR SUITS.
NICK.
YOU OKAY?
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
NO, NOT NOW.
NICK, I WANT TO APOLOGIZE.
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
I'M NOT INTERESTED IN BEINGWITH A MARRIED LADY.
I KNOW. I MADE A MISTAKE ABOUT YOU AND DARLA.
DARLA?
I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU.
HUH?
I MET YOUR HUSBAND LAST WEEK.
WHAT?
[ WHISTLES ]
WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON HERE?
ALL OF YOU, STOP IT THIS INSTANT.
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES.
WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE?WHY DIDN'T YOU DO SOMETHING?
NEVER MIND.
WE HAVE A WEDDING IN 15 MINUTES,AND I'LL BE DAMNED
IF THIS IS THE FIRST GENNIFER DOUGLAS PRODUCTION
TO GET CANCELED.
YOU DRINK THIS.
AND YOU FINISH GETTING DRESSED.
YOU BOYS MAKE SURE YOUR FATHER DOESN'T HEAR ABOUT THIS.
AS FOR YOU, YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH DAMAGE,
SO JUST TRY TO KEEP OUT OF SIGHT.
YOU KNOW, YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT IN THIS BUSINESS
IF YOU DON'T LEARN HOW TO TAKE CHARGE.
[ ORGAN PLAYS "HERE COMES THE BRIDE" ]
Lauren: THANKS TO G'S FLASK,
JAY FINALLY MANAGED TO MAKE IT TO THE ALTAR.
AND AFTER A FEW SWIGS MYSELF, I MANAGED TO MAKE IT TO MY SEAT.
I WANT TO TELL YOU
THAT WITH ALL MY ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS AND EMPATHY,
I FIXED EVERYTHING.
BUT ALL I DID WAS HELP THE GROOMGET DRUNK
WHILE G CONVINCED DARLA AND JAY TO GO THROUGH WITH THE WEDDING.
Pastor: MARRIAGE IS A SACRED INSTITUTION CREATED BY GOD
AS A SYMBOL OF THE UNION BETWEEN MAN AND A WOMAN.
[ SNICKERS ]
IF ANYONE OBJECTS TO THIS UNION,PLEASE SPEAK NOW.
[ HICCUPS ]
[ LAUGHS ]
I BELIEVE WE'LL MOVE ON TO THE VOWS.
THE RINGS.
THESE RINGS ARE A SYMBOL OF COMMITMENT AND FIDELITY.
THAT'S RICH!
JAMES, DO YOU TAKE DARLA TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE,
TO HAVE AND TO HOLD FROM THIS DAY FORWARD
IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH TILL DEATH DO YOU PART?
HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON MEWITH MY OWN BROTHER?
[ GUESTS MURMURING ]
WOULD YOU LIKE METO REPEAT THE QUESTION, SIR?
NO, THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY, PADRE.
WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, UM,
I DON'T TAKE DARLA TO HAVE AND TO HOLD.
I CHANGED MY MIND. I DON'T WANT HER ANYMORE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU CAN'T BREAK UP WITH ME
BECAUSE I'M BREAKING UPWITH YOU.
WHATEVER.
DARLA, NO.
QUIET, MOTHER. I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.
HUH.
I WOULDN'T MARRY JAY CORINA
IF HE WAS THE LAST MANON EARTH!
AND I WOULD NEVER HAVE HAD THE COURAGE
TO STATE MY TRUE FEELINGS
IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR LAUREN CRANDELL.
SHE TAUGHT ME THAT I NEED TO BE HONEST
WITH THE PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT ME.
NO, NO, NO, NO. THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.
THE POINT IS, I'M BREAKING UP WITH JAY
BECAUSE I'M IN LOVE WITH HIS BROTHER.
NICK?
NO, RICK.
SO, THAT'S WHO I SAW NAKED?
AND I'M PROUD TO SAY THAT I'M HAVING HIS BABY.
[ GUESTS MURMURING ]
Lauren: EVEN THOUGH DARLA DIDN'TGO THROUGH WITH THE CEREMONY,
LOU TEDANSKI WAS GOING TO BE DAMNED
IF HE DIDN'T GO THROUGH WITH THE RECEPTION.
G WARNED ME I'D NEVER GET AHEAD IF I DIDN'T TAKE CHARGE.
SO THANKS TO A COMBINATION
OF OVERWHELMING STRESS AND G'S FLASK OF TRUTH SERUM,
I DECIDED TO THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND AND SPEAK MY MIND.
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU -- SORRY --
SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.
NO, NO, NO, NO. I'M NOT FINISHED.
UM, YOU NEED TO GROW UP
AND KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A MAN,
A BROTHER, AND IN SEVEN MONTHS, A FATHER.
NOW ARE YOU FINISHED?
[ HICCUPS ]
WITH YOU.
YEAH. HEY.
WANT TO KNOW WHAT I THINK?
OH, GOD, I'M NOT SURE I DO.
I THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE HADDARLA FIXED WHEN SHE WAS 15.
DON'T YOU THINK?
OH, MY.
COULD YOU EXCUSE US, PLEASE? SORRY.
LAUREN, I THINK IT'S TIME YOU GO HOME.
I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME.
I WANT TO TAKE CHARGE.
I FEEL DIZZY.
COME ON.
NICK...
NICK...GOD, THIS WAS ALL A MISUNDERSTANDING.
I WAS SO WRONG ABOUT YOU AND DARLA,
AND YOU WERE SO WRONG ABOUT ME AND BRAD.
AND WE'RE NOT REALLY MARRIED.
I MEAN, WE ARE TECHNICALLY,
BUT WE'RE GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE.
ISN'T THAT GREAT NEWS?
LAUREN, I DON'T THINK
WE SHOULD SEE EACH OTHER ANYMORE.
WHY NOT?
BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T TRUST ME.
G: LAUREN CRANDELL.
YOU'RE FIRED.
OH. GREAT.
Lauren: NICK'S WORDS WERE RINGING IN MY HEAD
WHEN I WOKE UP.
HE TURNED MY TRUST ISSUES AGAINST ME, AND HE WAS RIGHT.
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER.
BUT EVEN WITH A HORRIBLE HANGOVER,
I HAD A MOMENT OF CLARITY.
RULE NUMBER EIGHT --
WHEN IT COMES TO LOVE, THERE ARE NO RULES.
OH, FORGET IT.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
OH, LET'S SEE.
I'M SINGLE, JOBLESS, AND HAVE A KILLER HANGOVER.
LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU CALL G,ASK FOR YOUR JOB BACK?
BECAUSE IT WAS A BLESSING IN DISGUISE.
I'D RATHER BE POOR AND UNEMPLOYED
THAN BE UNDER G'S THUMB.
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
I'LL GET IT.
I BET THESE WILL CHEER YOU UP.
OH.
THESE ARE PRETTY.YEAH.
THEY'RE FOR YOU.
"LILLIES FOR MY LILY"?
PLEASE COME HOME. LOVE, BANJO."
ISN'T HE THE CUTEST?
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR 3-MONTH RULE?
SOMETIMES LIFE SURPRISES YOU.
THE GOOD NEWS IS, YOUCAN HAVE YOUR APARTMENT BACK.
AH, GREAT, NOW I CAN ADD "LONELY" TO MY LIST.
[ LAUGHS ] COULD THINGS GET ANY WORSE?
OH. ACTUALLY, MOM CALLED.
SHE SAID YOU'RE SUPPOSED TOMEET HER FOR BRUNCH.
LAUREN!IT'S 11:00 A.M., DEAR.
IT'S MORE THAN PAST THE TIME TO COMB ONE'S HAIR.
WHY ARE YOU WEARING THOSERIDICULOUS SUNGLASSES?
MOM, PLEASE, SLOW DOWN.
AND PLEASE LOWER YOUR VOICE.
WHY? DO YOU HAVE A HANGOVER?
I'M BEGGING YOU.
CAN WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE?
YES.
LOOK.
YES. I'M FAMILIAR WITH IT.
YES, BUT LOOK AT THE COVER.
"JUNIOR WEDDING CONSULTANTS,THE REAL EXPERTS."
LISTEN.
[ SIGHS ]
"TODAY'S RENAISSANCE WOMEN,
"JUNIOR CONSULTANTSLIKE LAUREN CRANDELL,
HANDLE EVERYTHING FROM TORNVEILS TO DANGLING GROOMS."
DID THEY MENTION G?
NO.
SHE IS GONNA HAVE A FIT.
WELL, I THINK IT'S WONDERFUL.
NOW ALL YOU NEED IS A MANTO SHARE IN YOUR SUCCESS,
WHICH REMINDS ME --HAVE YOU CALLED BRAD?
MOM...
MOM, THERE'S SOMETHING THAT I NEED TO TELL YOU.
AND PLEASE, PLEASE LISTEN CAREFULLY,
BECAUSE THIS HAS TAKEN ME OVER A YEAR TO GET THE COURAGE.
WHAT IS IT, DEAR?
UM...
OH, MY GOD, ARE YOU A LESBIAN?
IT'S OKAY IF YOU ARE, HONEY,
AS LONG AS I CAN STILLHAVE GRANDCHILDREN.
MOTHER, I AM NOT A LESBIAN.
THE REAL REASON WHY BRAD AND I BROKE UP
IS BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON ME.
WHAT?
HE TRIED TO SLEEP WITH LILY WHILE WE WERE MARRIED.
HE DID NOT.
ASK HER.
OH, MY GOD.
OH, AND -- AND ALL THIS TIME,
I'VE BEEN PUSHING A CHEATERON MY OWN DAUGHTER.
OH, I AM SO SORRY.
MOM, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU DIDN'T KNOW.
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL MESOONER?
[ SIGHS ]
I WAS ASHAMED.
I MEAN, YOU HAVE THE PERFECT MARRIAGE.
I REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO DISAPPOINT YOU.
OH, LAUREN.
LAUREN, YOU COULD NEVERDISAPPOINT ME,
NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO.
THANK YOU.
NO, THANK YOU FOR BEING HONEST.
[ SIGHS ] THIS IS GOOD.
NOW I DON'T HAVE TO MAKEPOLITE CONVERSATION
WITH THAT ANNOYING MOTHEROF HIS.
[ LAUGHS ] MOM.
I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU, TOO, DEAR.
[ CAROUSEL MUSIC PLAYS ]
Lauren: MY MOTHER'S FAITH IN ME
MADE ME THINK ABOUT WHAT I WANTED TO DO NEXT.
I WAS MISSING WORK.
THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT BEING A WEDDING PLANNER THAT --
NO MATTER HOW CHALLENGING -- MAKES ME HAPPY.
RULE NUMBER NINE --
EVEN IN A WEDDING WITH CATASTROPHIC BLUNDERS,
THERE SHOULD ALWAYS BE A MOMENT
OF PURE, UNADULTERATED GOOD WILL.
Man: WILL YOU MARRY ME?
Lauren: IT'S KNOWING THAT I HAD A HAND
IN CREATING A SECOND OR TWO OF PERFECT HARMONY
THAT KEEPS ME COMING BACK.
AND THAT'S WHEN IT HIT ME.
I DIDN'T JUST WANT TO WATCH THESE HAPPY MOMENTS.
I WANTED TO LIVE THEM.
HELLO? ANYBODY HERE?
WELL, ISN'T IT THE WEDDINGPLANNER FROM HELL?
JAY, I'M SO SORRY.
I REALLY WISH THAT THINGS TURNED OUT DIFFERENTLY.
AND I WISH I WASN'T PAYINGFOR RICK TO GO ON MYHONEYMOON.
AT LEAST YOU FOUND OUT NOW.
TRUST ME.
IT HURTS A WHOLE LOT MORE AFTER YOU SAY "I DO."
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I'M LOOKING FOR NICK.
HE'S NOT HERE.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE IS?
HE JUST OUT A FIRE IN WRIGLEYVILLE.
HE'S GONNA BE CLEANING UPFOR A WHILE.
I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG.
JAY, I-I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO HIM.
WHATCHA DOING?
WELL, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY,RIGHT?
I'M GIVING YOU A RIDE.
[ LAUGHS ] YOUR BROTHER WAS RIGHT.
ABOUT WHAT?
YOU.
YOU'RE NOT SUCH A BAD GUY.
[ SIREN WAILING ]
HA HA!
LOOK OUT! COMING THROUGH!
HANG ON!
[ HORN HONKING ]
LET'S GO! MOVE IT!
WE'RE ALMOST THERE.
NICK?
NICK!
LAUREN? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
YOUR BROTHER DROPPED ME OFF.
I REALLY HAVE TO TALKTO YOU,
AND I'M REALLY SORRY IT COULDN'T WAIT.
UM, MY SISTER TOLD ME SOMETHINGREALLY WISE TODAY.
SHE SAID, "LIFEIS FULL OF SURPRISES."
AND SOMETIMES SOMEONE REALLY SPECIAL COMES ALONG
WHO'S WORTH TAKING A RISK FOR.
AND I THINK THAT... I KNOW THAT...
I KNOW THAT YOU'RE WORTHTAKING THAT RISK.
AND IF YOU'LL HAVE ME,
I WOULD REALLY LOVE A SECOND CHANCE.
CAN I GIVE YOU A HUG?
NO, NO.
LOOK HOW DIRTY I AM.
YOU PROBABLY HAD THAT THING DRY-CLEANED.
[ LAUGHS ]
OH.
WHAT THE HECK?
[ CELLPHONE PLAYS "HERE COMES THE BRIDE" ]
ARE YOU GONNA ANSWER THAT?
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
[ "HERE COMES THE BRIDE" CONTINUES ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
ALL RIGHT.
I KNOW THAT FILE IS HERE, BARBARA.
I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR IT. I KNOW I'M GONNA FIND IT, OKAY?
SORRY IT'S TAKING SO LONG.
IT'S BEEN CHAOS AROUND HERE.
BARBARA, LET ME GET BACK TO YOU.
WHEW. LAUREN.
[ SIGHS ] THANK GOD.
I'M JUST HERE TO PICK UP MY THINGS.
NO. YOU CAN'T LEAVE.
THE OFFICE HAS GONE TO HELL SINCE YOU LEFT.
I DIDN'T LEAVE. YOU FIRED ME.
THE POINT IS, SINCE THAT MAGAZINE ARTICLE,
EVERYONE'S BEEN ASKING FOR YOU.
YOU HAVE TO COME BACK.
I DON'T KNOW.
IF NOT FOR ME, THEN FOR SNICKER'S SAKE.
SINCE YOU'VE BEEN GONE,
HE'S BEEN RIPPING THE PLACE TO SHREDS.
I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU, G,
BUT HE HAS ALWAYS BEENTHAT WAY.
FINE. FORGET THE DOG.
I'LL GIVE YOU THAT PROMOTION.
PAY YOU SIX FIGURES.
YOU CAN EVEN HAVE YOUR OWN ASSISTANT.
MY OWN ASSISTANT?
YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN HOURS.
ANYTHING YOU WANT.
I'LL ACCEPT YOUR OFFERUNDER ONE CONDITION.
YOU NAME IT.
THAT THIS TIME, I CAN QUIT.
EXCUSE ME?
I AM SICK AND TIRED
OF YOU TREATING ME LIKEAN INDENTURED SERVANT
AND THEN TAKING CREDITFOR EVERYTHING.
THIS IS THE THANKS I GET FOR TAKING YOU UNDER MY WING?
HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME?
EASY.
SNICKERS, STOP IT NOW!
HEY, BOSS LADY, BROUGHT YOU A LATTE.
I TOLD YOU NOT TO WAIT ON ME.
IN THIS OFFICE, YOU'RE AN EQUAL.
IN THAT CASE, I'M VOTING MYSELF A RAISE.
DON'T PUSH IT.
[ GASPS ] OOH. I GOT TO GO.
THE WEDDING'S AT 8:00, RIGHT?
YEP. SO, PLAN ON MEETINGME IN AN HOUR?
MM-HMM.
OH, AND, UH, MARC...YES, DEAR?
YOU ARE PLANNING ON CHANGING, RIGHT?
OF COURSE, DARLING.
ONE MUSTN'T UPSTAGE THE BRIDE.
I'LL SEE YOU IN A BIT.
YOU DO THE FINAL RUN-THROUGH,AND I'LL CHECK ON THE BRIDE.
TEN-FOUR, LITTLE LADY. OVER NOW.
HOW YOU HOLDING UP, SIS?
GREAT. EVERYTHING'S GOINGACCORDING TO PLAN.
OKAY.
OH, SORRY.
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
THANKS.
YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME RUIN MY MAKEUP.
HERE.
OLD HABITS DIE HARD.
I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU.
I THOUGHT MISERY LOVES COMPANY.
WELL, I GUESSWE BETTER GET STARTED.
YOU READY TO DO THIS?
READY AS I'LL EVER BE.
SO, WHAT HAVE I LEARNED?
RULE NUMBER 10 --
REMEMBER THAT TRUE LOVE ISN'T ABOUT EMBOSSED INVITATIONS
OR THE SIZE OF YOUR BRIDAL PARTY.
TRUE LOVE IS WHAT YOU FIND WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT.
TRUE LOVE IS TAKING THE RISK
THAT IT WON'T BE A HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
TRUE LOVE IS JOINING HANDS
WITH A MAN WHO LOVES YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE
AND SAYING, "I'M NOT AFRAID TO BELIEVE IN YOU."
A LOVE LIKE THAT WILL SURVIVE ANYTHING.
[ BEEPING ]
DUTY CALLS.
EVEN A LESS-THAN-PERFECT WEDDING.
WE'RE STILL GONNA DO IT.
GREAT.
FRIENDS, LOVED ONES...