1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:45,003 [Ralphie] When you're a kid, all you want is the perfect Christmas gift. 4 00:00:45,086 --> 00:00:50,425 When you're a parent, all you want is for Christmas to be perfect. 5 00:00:50,508 --> 00:00:52,969 But sometimes, if we're lucky, 6 00:00:53,052 --> 00:00:56,139 the Yuletide stars shine full upon us 7 00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:58,224 in a rare moment of truth. 8 00:00:58,308 --> 00:01:04,481 And how we react in these moments can forever seal our fate. 9 00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:16,409 [Ralphie] Ah, there it is. Our humble abode 10 00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:18,495 on the south side of the city. 11 00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:20,288 Just like I remember, 12 00:01:20,371 --> 00:01:25,794 in all of its yellow, orange and avocado-green glory. 13 00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:27,962 Oh, life moves fast. 14 00:01:28,046 --> 00:01:32,217 One day you're playing "kick the can" with kids named Flick and Schwartz. 15 00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:38,056 And the next thing you know, you're paying taxes and pulling out grey hairs. 16 00:01:38,139 --> 00:01:44,145 But no matter. My sights were set on a higher purpose. 17 00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:47,607 And I was gonna get there with Sandy 18 00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:49,400 by my side. 19 00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:53,112 Even though times were lean, 20 00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:55,031 we had everything we needed. 21 00:01:55,114 --> 00:01:58,952 At least that's what we told our kids, Mark and Julie. 22 00:01:59,035 --> 00:02:02,455 [Julie] Okay, but what if there's a fire in the fireplace? 23 00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:04,374 Santa is fireproof. 24 00:02:04,457 --> 00:02:06,793 What if the fireplace is too small? 25 00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:08,378 He sneaks in a window. 26 00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:09,504 Good morning. 27 00:02:09,587 --> 00:02:11,047 -Good morning, Mom. -Morning. 28 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,465 What if the window is stuck? 29 00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:14,175 He has WD-40. 30 00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:15,927 -What if the window is too small? -He sucks in his gut. 31 00:02:16,010 --> 00:02:17,470 -Hey. Get your breakfast. -Okay. 32 00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:19,389 [both] Yes, Mom. 33 00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:21,224 [Ralphie] While the kids counted the days left 'til Christmas, 34 00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:23,893 I was racing against the clock. 35 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:28,022 We had socked away just enough for one year, so I could write 36 00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:30,483 the next great American novel. 37 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:34,529 Everyone gets their chance, and when yours comes along, 38 00:02:34,612 --> 00:02:37,365 you had better grab it. 39 00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:40,368 [laughs] Nothing could stop me now. 40 00:02:40,451 --> 00:02:42,412 Dad! We're out of milk. 41 00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:46,124 -What? -My fault, my fault. I forgot to get it. 42 00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:51,880 But have you ever had the delicacy of cereal with... 43 00:02:54,757 --> 00:02:55,592 orange juice? 44 00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:57,093 -[groans] -Ew. 45 00:02:57,176 --> 00:02:59,554 Nobody? You are in for a treat. 46 00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:02,307 Nice bowl full of cocoa buds 47 00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:06,185 poured with some delicious OJ. Hm. 48 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:08,313 And then... [slurps] 49 00:03:08,396 --> 00:03:10,023 [Mark] Ugh. That's disgusting. 50 00:03:10,106 --> 00:03:11,316 -Mm. -Ew. 51 00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:15,361 Mm. You can't beat that. 52 00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:16,946 There you go, sweetie. 53 00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,699 Well, you gonna try it? 54 00:03:19,782 --> 00:03:21,492 -Mom, you go first. -No. 55 00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:23,536 Dad, when can we take out the stockings? 56 00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:26,080 Let's wait for Grandpa. He loves that stuff. 57 00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:28,458 Yeah, you guys can do it together. 58 00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:31,210 The angel! She's so beautiful. 59 00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:34,714 It's almost Christmas and we don't have a tree for our angel. 60 00:03:34,797 --> 00:03:36,299 I know, honey. We're gonna get a tree 61 00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:39,010 as soon as Grandma and Grandpa get here. Two more days. 62 00:03:39,093 --> 00:03:41,512 I feel like I've been waiting forever. 63 00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:44,807 [Ralphie] Every year, my parents made the long drive to Chicago 64 00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:47,727 so we could all celebrate with a big city Christmas. 65 00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:51,648 But until then, I could stay focused on my dream. 66 00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:52,815 Oh... 67 00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,776 -How do I look? -Like a writer. 68 00:03:54,859 --> 00:03:56,152 -Hey, kids. -Good luck. 69 00:03:56,235 --> 00:03:57,570 -Good luck. -Good luck. 70 00:03:59,238 --> 00:04:02,533 ♪ Santa Claus is comin' To town ♪ 71 00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:05,328 ♪ Santa Claus is comin' To town ♪ 72 00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:06,579 ♪ You better watch out ♪ 73 00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:08,247 ♪ You better not cry ♪ 74 00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:12,126 ♪ You better not pout I'm telling you why ♪ 75 00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:15,505 ♪ Santa Claus is comin' To town ♪ 76 00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:18,174 ♪ Santa Claus is comin' To town ♪ 77 00:04:18,257 --> 00:04:21,010 ♪ Santa Claus is comin'... ♪ 78 00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,846 [Ralphie] This was the deal. I had to be published 79 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:25,640 by the end of this year, 80 00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:30,603 or I'd pack up my dream and return to the rat race. 81 00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:34,524 So, I'd sent my manuscript to 16 lucky publishers, 82 00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:39,862 and 14 of them enthusiastically said, "No." 83 00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:45,201 With the year almost over, I desperately needed a win. 84 00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:49,455 Mr. Parker... 85 00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:54,002 we generally handle this sort of meeting with a written correspondence, 86 00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:56,713 but your insistence to meet in person-- 87 00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:59,716 Oh. Uh, I brought you a little something. 88 00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:02,510 Greasing the wheels certainly couldn't hurt. 89 00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:04,137 Marshall Field's. 90 00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:05,430 The good stuff. 91 00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:08,808 Is this... 92 00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:11,978 a bribe? 93 00:05:12,061 --> 00:05:13,187 I don't know. 94 00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:15,148 You tell me. 95 00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:25,742 [chuckles] 96 00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:27,910 Your manuscript, Jupiter's Oblivion-- 97 00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:30,747 Uh, Neptune. It's Neptune's Oblivion. 98 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:34,167 Though an interesting title and thoroughly written, 99 00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:37,670 we're not accepting manuscripts over 2,000 pages. 100 00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:39,422 Oh. Well, I could cut it down a bit. 101 00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:42,091 You could cut it in half and there'd still be too many words. 102 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,844 Ah, Well, I know it doesn't feel like it ends, 103 00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:49,265 but that's because it all pays off in the sequel, which I'm writing right now. 104 00:05:49,348 --> 00:05:51,267 Oh, Lord, not more. 105 00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:56,898 This isn't a subject we're interested in... 106 00:05:56,981 --> 00:05:58,274 -at all. -No. 107 00:05:58,357 --> 00:06:00,026 This has been my entire life this past year. 108 00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:01,986 Good day, Mr. Parker. 109 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,654 And have a Merry Christmas. 110 00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:05,448 [Ralphie] Merry my foot. 111 00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:08,743 This pencil pusher had no appreciation for my vision. 112 00:06:08,826 --> 00:06:11,079 Oh, one day he'd see. 113 00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:13,122 They'd all see. 114 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:16,250 [male awards announcer] We're back, just in time for the main event! 115 00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:19,087 And the winner of the Pulitzer Prize 116 00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:22,632 for literary achievement in science fiction writing 117 00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:26,177 over 2,000 pages is... 118 00:06:28,012 --> 00:06:31,849 Mr. Ralph Wesley Parker for Neptune's Oblivion! 119 00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:35,228 [male awards announcer] What an upset! We're seeing history, folks! 120 00:06:35,311 --> 00:06:38,481 This is Ralph's first nomination and first win. 121 00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:41,943 -That's my husband. -With 100% of the vote. 122 00:06:42,026 --> 00:06:44,904 Even the other contestants voted for him. 123 00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:47,824 Anyone who doubted him must be kicking themselves tonight. 124 00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:50,910 -And there's one of them now! -Forgive me, Mr. Parker. I was wrong. 125 00:06:50,993 --> 00:06:52,703 Dead wrong! Please. 126 00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:55,164 -[male awards announcer] What a moron! -Please. 127 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:59,335 Tonight, we crown the new voice of a generation. 128 00:06:59,418 --> 00:07:02,880 Eat your heart out, Hemingway. [laughs] 129 00:07:02,964 --> 00:07:06,008 [crowd chanting] Parker! Parker! Parker! Parker! Parker! 130 00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:07,635 Mr. Parker. 131 00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:09,929 Oh. 132 00:07:10,012 --> 00:07:11,556 I said good day. 133 00:07:11,639 --> 00:07:15,560 Oh, right. Good day. 134 00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:21,315 [Sandy] Well, there's still one publisher left. 135 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:22,859 Yeah. 136 00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:24,360 Hey, you know, I heard that Mark Twain 137 00:07:24,443 --> 00:07:27,280 got rejected 34 times before he got published. 138 00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:30,867 -That's brutal. -Yeah. 139 00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:33,202 -I just mean you're in good company. -Thanks. 140 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:38,249 -[Sandy] But he actually said that you could cut it in half? -That's crazy, right? 141 00:07:38,332 --> 00:07:39,876 I mean, it is... 142 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:42,545 a little wordy. 143 00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:44,589 [Ralphie] It's an epic saga. 144 00:07:44,672 --> 00:07:47,216 [Sandy] Right, honey. Are you sure you should be writing a sequel? I mean-- 145 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,970 The first thing they're gonna ask when it sells is, "What's next?" 146 00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:53,848 Okay. No, I mean, you're the expert. 147 00:07:53,931 --> 00:07:55,892 -Well, what do you suggest? -Well, okay. 148 00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:57,393 Honey, you write so well. 149 00:07:57,476 --> 00:07:59,353 And you have such a strong voice. 150 00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:01,772 So maybe you could write something that's... 151 00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:04,609 like, more relatable. 152 00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:06,068 You know, Denise at the Book Barn, 153 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,321 she says true crime is the next big thing. 154 00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:09,739 [Ralphie] That's it. 155 00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:12,158 A book about strangling Denise from Book Barn. 156 00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:13,868 Can I have another piece of pizza? 157 00:08:13,951 --> 00:08:15,953 Here you go. Take mine. 158 00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:21,083 Well, what do you guys want for Christmas? 159 00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,794 An Easy-Bake Oven, Hungry Hungry Hippos 160 00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:25,171 and a stuffed kitty cat. 161 00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:27,715 [chuckles] Got it. What about you? 162 00:08:27,798 --> 00:08:30,134 A Flexible Flyer F-23 Yankee Clipper. 163 00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:31,552 And what is that? 164 00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:34,514 -A sled. -Oh, okay. I'm sorry. 165 00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:35,890 What do you want, Dad? 166 00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:37,683 Want? 167 00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:40,853 A time machine to restart the year. 168 00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:43,773 What I need is a new radiator for the Plymouth. 169 00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:45,483 -[phone ringing] -Oh. I got it. I got it. 170 00:08:45,566 --> 00:08:49,070 -Could be my manager with some good news. -Okay. 171 00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:50,404 [Ralphie clears throat] 172 00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:52,823 Mr. Ralph Parker speaking. 173 00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:55,243 -Hi, Mom. -Nope. It's Grandma. 174 00:08:58,287 --> 00:08:59,789 What's wrong? 175 00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:00,748 What? 176 00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:05,044 What? 177 00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:11,300 Wait. Wait a minute. 178 00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:18,099 Okay. 179 00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:20,142 [sniffs] 180 00:09:21,352 --> 00:09:22,436 Uh-huh. 181 00:09:23,187 --> 00:09:25,147 [sighs deeply] 182 00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:27,316 Where are you now? 183 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,986 [Ralphie] Nothing can prepare us for one of life's 184 00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:33,406 most painful and inescapable events. 185 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,910 The passing of a parent. 186 00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:38,995 Okay, Ma. 187 00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:47,461 As the sadness of losing my old man took grip, 188 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:52,008 two undeniable truths washed over us that night. 189 00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:54,093 Grandma needed us in Hohman, 190 00:09:54,176 --> 00:09:58,556 and this Christmas would be nothing like we anticipated. 191 00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:09,608 We're getting close. 192 00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:11,027 Yeah. You can taste it. 193 00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:12,737 Oh, come on. It's not that bad. 194 00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:15,781 You said the birds fly backwards so they don't choke. 195 00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:18,743 And the sludge pool swallowed children whole. 196 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,912 Does Santa go to Hohman? 197 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,956 Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't he? 198 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,835 Because Dad said winter in Hohman is so bleak, it crushes the human spirit. 199 00:10:27,918 --> 00:10:30,212 [Ralphie] Kids ignore every important thing you say, 200 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,214 then recall with painful accuracy 201 00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:35,926 every incriminating word you've uttered in the last five years. 202 00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:38,054 Honey, it's the opposite. 203 00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:39,305 Santa loves Hohman. 204 00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:41,223 In fact, if you play your cards right, 205 00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,767 you'll get to meet him at Higbee's. 206 00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:44,769 But is it the real Santa Claus? 207 00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:47,563 Oh, it's him. Trust me. 208 00:10:47,646 --> 00:10:49,482 I'll see for myself. 209 00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,447 Egg. [sighs] 210 00:10:57,531 --> 00:10:59,742 Oh. I'm sorry. It's cold. 211 00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:03,120 [Ralphie] Ah! There is no nobler a sacrifice for the common egg 212 00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:07,041 than the ingenious automotive repair known as... 213 00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:10,378 "The Midwest Souffle." 214 00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:13,714 One serving temporarily seals any bum radiator, 215 00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:18,386 ensuring safe passage to the next pit stop. 216 00:11:18,469 --> 00:11:21,138 Our car ate more eggs than Cool Hand Luke. 217 00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:23,224 [grunts] Come on! Stupid trunk! 218 00:11:24,266 --> 00:11:25,226 Stupid... 219 00:11:28,562 --> 00:11:30,314 [Ralphie] Ah, there it was. 220 00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:32,983 Our old house on Cleveland Street. 221 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:35,444 It looked like it had been frozen in time. 222 00:11:36,695 --> 00:11:39,949 [Mrs. Parker gasps, chuckling] 223 00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:41,784 You're here! 224 00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:43,285 Oh, my goodness! 225 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:46,330 -Grandma! -Grandma! 226 00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:48,707 Oh, my goodness! I could eat you up. [kisses] 227 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,167 I missed you, Grandma! 228 00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:51,585 I love you guys. 229 00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:54,713 Oh, Sandy. 230 00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:56,549 I am so sorry. 231 00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:58,259 -Oh. -[sniffles] 232 00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:01,470 [both chuckle] 233 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:02,721 Hello, Mom. 234 00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:03,973 Ralphie. 235 00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:05,558 I am so sorry, Mom. 236 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:07,977 He was the best. 237 00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:09,562 [chuckles, sniffles] 238 00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:12,440 -I'm so glad that you all are here. -Of course. 239 00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:14,567 And I don't want you to worry about anything. 240 00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:16,193 I'm gonna take care of all the arrangements, 241 00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:17,319 -the service-- -No, no, no. 242 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:18,821 Listen to me, Ralphie. 243 00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:21,824 All that can wait. [chuckling] 244 00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:24,952 Your father was so excited about Christmas. 245 00:12:25,035 --> 00:12:28,497 [chuckling] I mean, if he saw us moping around, 246 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,541 he'd just throw a fit. 247 00:12:30,624 --> 00:12:32,251 I've given this a lot of thought. 248 00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:35,337 This can't be the thing that we think of every Christmas. 249 00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:38,382 We've gotta make it a good memory, so... 250 00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:40,092 promise me... 251 00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:41,510 promise me... 252 00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:45,973 we're gonna make this a wonderful Christmas. 253 00:12:46,056 --> 00:12:47,850 One that we'll never forget. 254 00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:49,727 Mom. 255 00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:52,188 [Ralphie chuckles] In the history of tall orders, this one took the cake! 256 00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:57,234 There was no way. Impossible! Give up now, stupid! 257 00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:58,277 I promise. 258 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:01,071 [chuckles] Okay. 259 00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:03,991 [Ralphie] Oh, what had I done? The old man was the reason 260 00:13:04,074 --> 00:13:06,952 for the greatest Christmases any of us ever knew. 261 00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:09,079 And now it was all up to me? 262 00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:11,207 Get a grip, man! 263 00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:15,878 Millions of folks pull it off every year because everyone knows the recipe. 264 00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:19,423 -[laughs] -[exclaims] 265 00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:21,175 Oh. 266 00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:23,177 Oh, yeah! 267 00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,514 [all cheering] 268 00:13:29,975 --> 00:13:31,727 [all laughing] 269 00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:35,731 I had to pull this off. 270 00:13:35,814 --> 00:13:40,694 For the memory of my old man, and for every Christmas to come. 271 00:13:44,114 --> 00:13:45,449 [grunts] 272 00:13:55,834 --> 00:13:59,088 [the old man] Fragile. It must be Italian. 273 00:14:00,756 --> 00:14:03,008 -[dog barking] -Bumpuses! 274 00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:10,808 Not a finger! 275 00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:13,811 [Ralphie] It suddenly struck me that my old man's voice 276 00:14:13,894 --> 00:14:17,481 would never echo through these walls again. 277 00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:19,858 [the old man, echoes] A fuse is out! 278 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,445 [Ralphie] It was my old home. 279 00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:25,948 With its light, its colors... 280 00:14:27,157 --> 00:14:28,325 its smells. 281 00:14:29,451 --> 00:14:31,662 But it was forever changed. 282 00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:37,626 In the Southwest, it's said they bring chili con carne. 283 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:40,045 Atlantic states, stew. 284 00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:41,672 But here in Hohman, 285 00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:45,092 it's the fabled casserole that appears in times of need. 286 00:14:45,175 --> 00:14:49,096 [exhales] I swear, every neighbor dropped off a casserole. 287 00:14:49,179 --> 00:14:52,182 It's gonna take us a year to finish all this. [chuckles] 288 00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:59,023 Mm. Well, this one looks like tuna and olive and... beans? 289 00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:01,734 Hm. Uh, I think that's a blueberry. 290 00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:03,736 Uh, I think, let's see. 291 00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:08,115 [Mrs. Parker] This one is, uh, cream, beans, and pickled carrots and... 292 00:15:08,198 --> 00:15:09,825 Mm... 293 00:15:09,908 --> 00:15:13,078 And tastes of cinnamon. Mm. 294 00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:14,830 So inventive. 295 00:15:14,913 --> 00:15:17,166 [Ralphie] No matter the tongue-curling flavors 296 00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:19,501 or indistinguishable ingredients, 297 00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:23,672 no one dared waste food in my mother's house. 298 00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:28,719 I'm so touched that everyone has gone to all this trouble for us. 299 00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:30,638 Will we have turkey on Christmas? 300 00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:33,098 Oh, no. We have to finish all this first. 301 00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:35,225 -[groans] -Oh, hot, hot, hot. 302 00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:37,353 -Yum. -Oh, my. 303 00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:39,605 -Ketchup and what? -Mm. 304 00:15:39,688 --> 00:15:40,856 What do you think that is? 305 00:15:40,939 --> 00:15:41,857 It's mayonnaise. 306 00:15:41,940 --> 00:15:42,733 Yeah. 307 00:15:42,816 --> 00:15:44,026 Cooked mayonnaise. 308 00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:45,444 [dog barking] 309 00:15:46,945 --> 00:15:49,698 [grunts] It's colder here than in Chicago. 310 00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,825 It's looking pretty good. 311 00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:55,287 I don't know. His arms aren't even the same size. 312 00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:57,373 He doesn't know that. 313 00:15:57,456 --> 00:16:00,668 [Ralphie] Oh, this would surely be a highlight of Mark and Julie's Christmas. 314 00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:03,462 A close encounter with Delbert Bumpus. 315 00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:06,548 The smartest member of the hillbilly family next door. 316 00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:08,342 [gathers spit in throat] 317 00:16:15,974 --> 00:16:17,851 [gulps] Ah! 318 00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:21,271 Hey. 319 00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:22,690 Hey yourself. 320 00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:24,566 We're building a snowman. 321 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,610 His name is Sparklypoof. 322 00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:28,737 We did not agree on that. 323 00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,447 -Bad idea. -[engine revving] 324 00:16:33,909 --> 00:16:36,745 Snowmen don't last long 'round here. 325 00:16:39,623 --> 00:16:41,083 [grunts] 326 00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:43,127 -[Julie screaming] -[engine revving] 327 00:16:44,002 --> 00:16:45,212 [screaming continues] 328 00:16:47,464 --> 00:16:49,466 Whoo! [laughs] 329 00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:52,428 [Ralphie] By God! The neighborhood bullies reincarnate. 330 00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:54,722 What was once mere beatings and shakedowns 331 00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:58,517 had evolved into surprise attacks of mechanized terror. 332 00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:00,519 Yeah! 333 00:17:00,602 --> 00:17:03,689 -[whooping] -They murdered Sparklypoof! 334 00:17:03,772 --> 00:17:05,149 [bullies chuckling] 335 00:17:05,232 --> 00:17:07,901 [bully] Grab it. Grab it! Yeah! I got your scarf! 336 00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:08,861 That's mine! 337 00:17:08,944 --> 00:17:10,279 Hey, you get back here! 338 00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:13,282 -[whooping, laughing] -Hey, bring that back! 339 00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:16,910 Well, this town is full of surprises, isn't it? 340 00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:19,038 How fun. 341 00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:21,415 -Uh, come on. Let's go inside. -[Ralphie] This was a new wrinkle in the Christmas plans. 342 00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:26,628 Mark and Julie just landed at the bottom of the local food chain. 343 00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:32,676 ♪ O come, all ye faithful ♪ 344 00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:36,096 Hey, guys. I just hung up with my manager, 345 00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:37,973 and I asked him to call here with any news. 346 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,893 So please pick up the phone, day or night, okay? 347 00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:42,019 Yeah. 348 00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:44,980 Ralphie, how is it going with your novel? 349 00:17:45,063 --> 00:17:50,027 [Ralphie] Oh, if mothers knew every rocky detail of our lives, they'd never sleep. 350 00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:52,321 Best to keep her off the scent. 351 00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:55,032 Oh, I got some real nice irons in the fire. 352 00:17:55,115 --> 00:17:58,494 Oh. Well, you know, that's really good to know. [chuckles] 353 00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:00,954 [Ralphie] Whew. Out of the frying pan... 354 00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:06,418 That way, we can really focus on getting into the Christmas spirit. 355 00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:08,462 [Ralphie] ...and into the fire. 356 00:18:11,548 --> 00:18:13,217 Absolutely. 357 00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:14,301 It's gonna be great. 358 00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:16,386 Well, it's only five days away. 359 00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:17,638 Well, Ralph's got this. 360 00:18:17,721 --> 00:18:18,806 -Yeah? -Right? 361 00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:20,766 Oh, you bet. Uh... 362 00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:23,685 We're gonna do it all. [chuckles] 363 00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:28,440 Aw... That would make your father so happy, Ralphie. 364 00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:31,318 I can't wait to see what you're gonna do with it. [chuckles] 365 00:18:31,401 --> 00:18:33,153 [Ralphie] Oh, that makes two of us. 366 00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:34,696 I gotta figure this out. 367 00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:36,907 You know, I think I'm gonna take a walk. 368 00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:40,786 Um, just get some fresh air, maybe clear my head a little bit. 369 00:18:40,869 --> 00:18:42,079 I'll be back. 370 00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:46,583 [dogs barking] 371 00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:47,918 Come on, get out of here! 372 00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:49,837 Not the Bumpus hounds, too. 373 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,506 They tormented my old man his whole life. 374 00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:56,093 Now even they expected me to fill his shoes. 375 00:18:57,344 --> 00:18:59,137 Uh, how was I supposed 376 00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:02,140 to replace the greatest Christmas ringmaster of all time? 377 00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:05,727 Especially when he was the one everyone was missing. 378 00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:09,481 Well, sometimes, at life's most desperate moments, 379 00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:13,861 the universe offers us a sign. 380 00:19:13,944 --> 00:19:18,907 ♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the way ♪ 381 00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:23,829 Perhaps some insight from the Hohman brain trust could help. 382 00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:28,083 [all cheering] 383 00:19:28,166 --> 00:19:31,670 My old pal Flick had inherited the bar from his old man. 384 00:19:31,753 --> 00:19:34,339 Before that, he was best known as the genius 385 00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:38,176 who once stuck his tongue to a frozen flag pole. 386 00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:40,387 -[cheering continues] -[man] You're up by one. 387 00:19:41,471 --> 00:19:43,640 [all cheering] 388 00:19:44,766 --> 00:19:45,893 Down by one. 389 00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:48,020 You're up, Schwartz. 390 00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:49,354 Last shot. 391 00:19:51,481 --> 00:19:54,985 [Ralphie] Any good luck Schwartz ever had ran out in the fourth grade. 392 00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:58,113 These days, he was either running up his tab at Flick's, 393 00:19:58,196 --> 00:19:59,948 or at home with his mom. 394 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,618 For all the donuts, suckers. 395 00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:07,497 [Ralphie] Could it be? Schwartz? 396 00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:08,874 In a moment of triumph? 397 00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:13,670 Not a chance. 398 00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:15,589 [man] He did it again! 399 00:20:15,672 --> 00:20:17,341 Congratulations to the Slag Heaps! 400 00:20:17,424 --> 00:20:19,801 Come on, drink up, everybody. Drink it up. 401 00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:20,844 Here we go. 402 00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:23,597 [indistinct chatter] 403 00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:27,309 Looks like I backed the wrong team. 404 00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:29,186 Again. 405 00:20:29,269 --> 00:20:30,854 -Well, if it wasn't such a junk table. -Junk? I just had it waxed. 406 00:20:30,938 --> 00:20:32,397 [Ralphie] Some things never change. 407 00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:33,649 [young Schwartz] Well, I double dog dare you! 408 00:20:33,732 --> 00:20:35,359 [Ralphie] Especially Flick... 409 00:20:35,442 --> 00:20:36,652 [young Schwartz] Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? 410 00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:37,945 [Ralphie] ...and Schwartz. 411 00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:38,987 That's 'cause you know it'll stick. 412 00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:39,947 Yeah, you've got an-- 413 00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:41,490 -[both] Ralphie! -Hey! 414 00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:43,283 -[chuckling, cheering] -Am I glad to see you guys. 415 00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:45,661 Come, have a drink! The cosmopolitan man returns. 416 00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:49,456 Yeah, Mr. Big Shot, gracing us small town folk with his presence. 417 00:20:49,539 --> 00:20:52,167 Yeah. Come on, I could never forget about you guys. 418 00:20:52,250 --> 00:20:53,961 Believe me, I tried. 419 00:20:54,044 --> 00:20:56,171 [Ralphie] Truth was, years ago, I had promised myself 420 00:20:56,254 --> 00:21:00,133 that I wouldn't return to Hohman until I was a genuine success. 421 00:21:00,217 --> 00:21:04,763 And now, I didn't have the heart to tell them the embarrassing truth. 422 00:21:04,846 --> 00:21:06,932 Hey, Flick! Come on, get us all a round, right? 423 00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:08,558 -Put it on my tab. Come on. -Yeah. 424 00:21:08,642 --> 00:21:10,519 What? I'll pay my tab. 425 00:21:10,602 --> 00:21:11,687 Eventually. 426 00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:12,729 Mm-hmm. 427 00:21:12,813 --> 00:21:14,398 Now, here's you two. 428 00:21:14,481 --> 00:21:15,983 Here's mine. 429 00:21:16,066 --> 00:21:18,318 Ralph, to your old man. 430 00:21:18,402 --> 00:21:19,778 Hell of a guy. 431 00:21:19,861 --> 00:21:21,321 Thanks. 432 00:21:21,405 --> 00:21:22,948 Sorry, Ralphie. 433 00:21:23,031 --> 00:21:24,825 He was the best. 434 00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:26,827 -To the old man. -[both] To the old man. 435 00:21:29,079 --> 00:21:31,707 -[phone ringing] -[all gasp] 436 00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:34,793 [Ralphie] Oh, no. 437 00:21:34,876 --> 00:21:38,296 The death knell for stool rats 'round the world. 438 00:21:38,380 --> 00:21:39,673 Flick's Tavern. 439 00:21:39,756 --> 00:21:42,050 No one knows for whom the bell tolls. 440 00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:43,885 Yes. Is Larry here? 441 00:21:46,304 --> 00:21:48,390 Is Larry Novak here? 442 00:21:49,516 --> 00:21:50,642 [mouthing] No. 443 00:21:50,726 --> 00:21:52,853 Nope. Sorry, Mrs. Novak. Larry's not here. 444 00:21:52,936 --> 00:21:56,356 Yes, you have a Merry Christmas as well. 445 00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:58,525 [crowd sighs in relief] 446 00:21:58,608 --> 00:22:00,902 [Ralphie] You ever wonder what happened to your high school quarterback? 447 00:22:00,986 --> 00:22:04,156 Ours turned into good old Larry Novak. 448 00:22:04,239 --> 00:22:06,742 So what do you guys do around here for Christmas these days? 449 00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:08,452 [sighs] It's the same here as it's always been. 450 00:22:08,535 --> 00:22:09,619 Yeah, just the usual. 451 00:22:09,703 --> 00:22:11,121 No, the usual's not gonna cut it. 452 00:22:11,204 --> 00:22:13,040 I need something more. It's all on me this year. 453 00:22:13,123 --> 00:22:15,917 Well, in that case, I suggest you start drinking 454 00:22:16,001 --> 00:22:17,252 and don't stop till New Year's. 455 00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:18,920 No, this is serious. 456 00:22:19,463 --> 00:22:20,255 Larry? 457 00:22:20,338 --> 00:22:21,590 What do you want from me? 458 00:22:21,673 --> 00:22:23,675 I come here to avoid my family. 459 00:22:25,093 --> 00:22:27,471 All right. Got an idea. Here, you take that. 460 00:22:27,554 --> 00:22:29,639 -We'll come up with some idea. -All right. 461 00:22:29,723 --> 00:22:32,225 So, let's make a list. It's okay. You're gonna be fine. We got this. Okay. 462 00:22:32,309 --> 00:22:34,603 Ooh! But first, line 'em up again. 463 00:22:34,686 --> 00:22:36,980 -To lubricate our brains, right? Come on. -It's a good idea. 464 00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:39,733 -Christmas is... -I have a terrarium. 465 00:22:40,942 --> 00:22:42,069 Okay. 466 00:22:42,152 --> 00:22:45,363 It's a fish tank for snakes and lizards. 467 00:22:45,447 --> 00:22:47,240 It's very stimulating. 468 00:22:47,324 --> 00:22:49,451 -[Schwartz] Ah. -Cool. That's a great start. I love terrariums. 469 00:22:49,534 --> 00:22:52,079 Hey. My sister knows a guy who owns a Cessna. 470 00:22:52,162 --> 00:22:54,790 -My cousin Craig, he's got a buffalo. -Yeah. 471 00:22:54,873 --> 00:22:56,291 Oh, that'd be fantastic. 472 00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:58,460 -It's huge. -No bad ideas, guys. Keep 'em coming. 473 00:22:58,543 --> 00:23:00,337 I need this stuff. 474 00:23:00,420 --> 00:23:02,089 -We got you covered. We got you. -It's the kind of magic I need. 475 00:23:02,172 --> 00:23:02,672 -Come on, to Christmas. -We got you. Christmas! 476 00:23:04,966 --> 00:23:06,384 [snores] 477 00:23:06,468 --> 00:23:08,095 [chatter echoing] 478 00:23:15,352 --> 00:23:16,812 Ralph? 479 00:23:16,895 --> 00:23:19,314 It's almost 10:00. Are you awake? 480 00:23:19,397 --> 00:23:21,316 -Uh-uh. -Mm. 481 00:23:21,399 --> 00:23:23,276 [smacks lips, breathes deeply] 482 00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:27,072 So, is this the list? 483 00:23:27,155 --> 00:23:30,659 You know, the one you woke me up about at 3:00 am? 484 00:23:30,742 --> 00:23:31,868 Yeah. 485 00:23:31,952 --> 00:23:34,621 That's my Christmas plan. [grunting] 486 00:23:34,704 --> 00:23:36,665 Okay. All right. 487 00:23:36,748 --> 00:23:39,417 Well, you know, some of these are good. 488 00:23:39,501 --> 00:23:41,002 Yeah, sledding. That's great. 489 00:23:41,086 --> 00:23:42,504 Maybe you and Mark could do that. 490 00:23:42,587 --> 00:23:44,548 -You know, father-son outing. -Okay. Great. 491 00:23:44,631 --> 00:23:47,425 But some of these are... 492 00:23:47,509 --> 00:23:48,677 wax throwing? 493 00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:50,178 Axe. Axe throwing. 494 00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:53,849 -With the tomahawks and stuff. -Okay. Even better. 495 00:23:53,932 --> 00:23:57,769 Uh, "Make them catch and kill their own turkey." Ooh. [chuckles] 496 00:23:57,853 --> 00:24:00,397 Well, maybe we could combine that with the axe throwing. 497 00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,190 Could be fun for the kids, I think. 498 00:24:02,274 --> 00:24:05,193 Right here, "Volunteer at a soup kitchen." 499 00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:07,028 See, that one's crossed off. 500 00:24:07,112 --> 00:24:08,530 Yeah, it could be too much. 501 00:24:08,613 --> 00:24:10,198 Polar bear plunge. 502 00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:12,200 -Terrarium. -Yeah. 503 00:24:12,284 --> 00:24:14,035 -Chips and salsa. -Larry has one. 504 00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:15,745 Overthrow Castro. I'm in. 505 00:24:15,829 --> 00:24:17,414 Ambitious. But we can do it. 506 00:24:17,497 --> 00:24:19,708 Buffalo. Three exclamation points. 507 00:24:19,791 --> 00:24:21,042 So, do we move there? 508 00:24:21,126 --> 00:24:23,086 No, no, no. We're gonna bring it here. 509 00:24:23,170 --> 00:24:24,963 [laughing] It's buffalo? 510 00:24:25,046 --> 00:24:26,423 Like an animal? 511 00:24:26,506 --> 00:24:28,258 Yeah, some of these need to bake, but-- 512 00:24:28,341 --> 00:24:31,720 You know, honey, I think you're maybe overcomplicating this. 513 00:24:31,803 --> 00:24:33,471 Why don't we just keep it simple? 514 00:24:33,555 --> 00:24:35,807 Like, we could go ice skating. You know I would love that. 515 00:24:35,891 --> 00:24:37,392 Oh, I know. 516 00:24:37,475 --> 00:24:40,770 And, you know, maybe we just do the usual Christmas stuff. 517 00:24:40,854 --> 00:24:42,480 -Really? -Yeah. 518 00:24:42,564 --> 00:24:46,401 Like, we could start with just getting the house decorated. Hm? 519 00:24:46,484 --> 00:24:47,819 -Hm? Okay? -Hm. Okay. 520 00:24:47,903 --> 00:24:49,863 It's a little boring. [chuckles] 521 00:24:49,946 --> 00:24:51,948 Okay. So... 522 00:24:52,032 --> 00:24:54,451 Ooh. No, let's start with the shower. 523 00:24:55,911 --> 00:24:56,995 Okay. 524 00:24:57,078 --> 00:24:58,747 [grunts] 525 00:25:01,082 --> 00:25:02,500 [Mrs. Parker] Ralphie, be careful! 526 00:25:02,584 --> 00:25:05,962 There's spiders as big as cats up there! 527 00:25:06,046 --> 00:25:08,256 [Ralphie] Attics are museums of indifference. 528 00:25:08,340 --> 00:25:11,176 Littered with junk you don't wanna look at, 529 00:25:11,259 --> 00:25:14,012 but don't have the courage to throw away. 530 00:25:14,095 --> 00:25:15,555 This place is a mess. 531 00:25:15,639 --> 00:25:17,849 How am I supposed to find the Christmas stuff up here? 532 00:25:17,933 --> 00:25:19,768 [Mrs. Parker] In the cardboard boxes! 533 00:25:19,851 --> 00:25:22,103 [Ralphie] Which one? There's hundreds of them. 534 00:25:22,187 --> 00:25:25,398 [Mrs. Parker] Figure it out. We're busy down here! 535 00:25:27,234 --> 00:25:29,611 [the old man] He looks like a deranged Easter bunny. 536 00:25:29,694 --> 00:25:32,239 [Ralphie sighs] And still traumatizing. 537 00:25:40,830 --> 00:25:42,916 My first typewriter. 538 00:25:42,999 --> 00:25:44,251 [chuckles] 539 00:25:44,334 --> 00:25:46,711 Oh, the stories we could tell. 540 00:25:53,468 --> 00:25:56,054 Oh! [laughs, imitates fanfare] 541 00:25:56,137 --> 00:25:58,390 The motherlode of Christmas past. 542 00:25:58,473 --> 00:26:00,141 This was gonna be easy. 543 00:26:00,225 --> 00:26:01,351 Wait. 544 00:26:02,269 --> 00:26:03,812 What the hell? 545 00:26:03,895 --> 00:26:05,897 Sandy, honey, I'm just trying to be helpful. 546 00:26:05,981 --> 00:26:07,482 That does not go there. 547 00:26:07,565 --> 00:26:09,693 I... Okay. It may be more helpful 548 00:26:09,776 --> 00:26:11,820 -if you start working-- -I'm way ahead of you. 549 00:26:11,903 --> 00:26:13,905 What is this? Ow! 550 00:26:13,989 --> 00:26:15,657 Damn it! It cut me. 551 00:26:15,740 --> 00:26:17,993 No, don't. Your mouth is just full of diseases. Come on. 552 00:26:18,076 --> 00:26:20,829 -Let's get some Bactine on that finger. -Mom, it's fine. 553 00:26:20,912 --> 00:26:23,999 [Ralphie] My mother's cure-all for any breach of the skin, 554 00:26:24,082 --> 00:26:26,418 from a splinter to a decapitation... 555 00:26:26,501 --> 00:26:28,503 was a healthy swab of Bactine. 556 00:26:28,586 --> 00:26:31,589 [blows, sighs] Your father hated that tree. 557 00:26:31,673 --> 00:26:33,717 So do I. Where did it come from? 558 00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:37,345 I bought it a few years ago, thinking it'd make things easier, 559 00:26:37,429 --> 00:26:40,223 but your father banished it to the attic. [chuckles] 560 00:26:40,307 --> 00:26:41,725 [chuckles] He was right. 561 00:26:41,808 --> 00:26:43,518 We're getting a real tree. Today. 562 00:26:43,601 --> 00:26:44,686 None of that fake junk. 563 00:26:44,769 --> 00:26:46,354 -Well, you're the boss. -Hm. 564 00:26:46,438 --> 00:26:49,441 [breathes heavily] 565 00:26:49,524 --> 00:26:51,609 What is it? 566 00:26:51,693 --> 00:26:54,529 Well, I know that you've got a lot on your shoulders, 567 00:26:54,612 --> 00:26:56,656 but I need you to do something for me. 568 00:26:56,740 --> 00:26:58,533 Yeah, Mom. Of course. Anything. 569 00:26:58,616 --> 00:27:01,661 I want you to write your father's obituary for the newspaper. 570 00:27:02,454 --> 00:27:03,621 Me? 571 00:27:03,705 --> 00:27:05,707 You are the writer in the family. 572 00:27:05,790 --> 00:27:08,001 [Ralphie] Oh, tell that to the publishing industry. 573 00:27:08,084 --> 00:27:10,837 -Yes. I'll just have to think of what to say. -[shushes] 574 00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:13,340 [carolers singing in the distance] 575 00:27:15,133 --> 00:27:20,013 -♪ Oh, we Three Kings Of Orient are ♪ -[shushes] 576 00:27:20,096 --> 00:27:21,806 -They're coming. -Who's coming? 577 00:27:21,890 --> 00:27:23,516 [shushes] 578 00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:25,310 Get down. Sandy, get down! 579 00:27:25,393 --> 00:27:27,937 [Ralphie] There are two acknowledged schools of thought 580 00:27:28,021 --> 00:27:30,732 on the holiday tradition of caroling. 581 00:27:30,815 --> 00:27:31,691 The first... 582 00:27:31,775 --> 00:27:33,360 [gasps] Carolers! 583 00:27:33,443 --> 00:27:35,904 [Ralphie] ...believes it is a gift to the world. 584 00:27:35,987 --> 00:27:37,781 -The second school... -Get the lights. 585 00:27:37,864 --> 00:27:40,450 [Ralphie] ...to which our family devoutly subscribed, 586 00:27:40,533 --> 00:27:43,745 believes carolers to be a scourge set upon the earth 587 00:27:43,828 --> 00:27:46,414 -to pillage your time and ravage your patience. -Oh. Ah! 588 00:27:46,498 --> 00:27:49,167 What are you doing? They're just carolers. 589 00:27:49,250 --> 00:27:51,836 Exactly. They're just like ticks. 590 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:55,548 Once they get to your door, you can't get rid of 'em. Hide. 591 00:27:55,632 --> 00:27:56,925 Hide. 592 00:27:57,008 --> 00:27:59,677 ♪ Forever, ceasing never Over us all ♪ 593 00:27:59,761 --> 00:28:01,304 You're kidding, right? 594 00:28:01,388 --> 00:28:02,972 No. No. 595 00:28:03,056 --> 00:28:04,349 A couple of days ago, 596 00:28:04,432 --> 00:28:07,060 I let my guard down and they ambushed me. 597 00:28:07,143 --> 00:28:10,313 They sang three whole songs before I could break free. 598 00:28:10,397 --> 00:28:12,565 ♪ Star with royal Beauty bright ♪ 599 00:28:12,649 --> 00:28:15,276 -Oh! They're here. -But they're so cute. 600 00:28:15,360 --> 00:28:16,778 Look at their costumes. 601 00:28:16,861 --> 00:28:18,780 Don't encourage them. 602 00:28:18,863 --> 00:28:20,490 [knocking at door] 603 00:28:20,573 --> 00:28:22,409 You know, I grew up caroling. 604 00:28:23,743 --> 00:28:25,662 [whispers] How could you? 605 00:28:25,745 --> 00:28:27,122 [whispers] I didn't know. 606 00:28:27,205 --> 00:28:29,249 But we can't just leave them out there like this. 607 00:28:29,332 --> 00:28:30,542 Oh, yes, we can! 608 00:28:30,625 --> 00:28:32,127 [yelps, grunts] 609 00:28:33,253 --> 00:28:34,546 Hey! 610 00:28:34,629 --> 00:28:36,297 The jig is up. I'll draw them off. Now, go. 611 00:28:36,381 --> 00:28:37,298 Mom, no! 612 00:28:37,382 --> 00:28:38,842 Save yourselves! Go! 613 00:28:38,925 --> 00:28:41,428 -Mom! -Save the children! 614 00:28:43,555 --> 00:28:45,765 -This is so crazy! -Come on, out! 615 00:28:45,849 --> 00:28:47,225 [breathes heavily] 616 00:28:47,308 --> 00:28:51,980 -[William] There's one over here! -Hello! 617 00:28:52,063 --> 00:28:55,984 ♪ We three kings Of orient are bearing gifts We traverse afar ♪ 618 00:28:56,067 --> 00:28:58,361 ♪ Field and fountain Moor and mountain ♪ 619 00:28:58,445 --> 00:29:00,864 Dad! There's something wrong with this axe. 620 00:29:00,947 --> 00:29:02,824 [whispers] Come on, come on. 621 00:29:02,907 --> 00:29:04,284 We should have got the chainsaw. 622 00:29:04,367 --> 00:29:06,202 We're going to get a Christmas tree, now! 623 00:29:06,286 --> 00:29:08,872 -[both excitedly] Really? -[shushing, whispering] Come on, come on. 624 00:29:08,955 --> 00:29:12,459 -♪ To reign, O... ♪ -[engine starts] 625 00:29:13,626 --> 00:29:15,211 [Olivia] They're getting away! 626 00:29:16,754 --> 00:29:18,548 I'm sorry. It was lovely! 627 00:29:20,467 --> 00:29:23,470 Merry Christmas, you... you... 628 00:29:23,553 --> 00:29:25,972 -turds! -[gasps] Terrence! 629 00:29:30,018 --> 00:29:32,020 [Ralphie] What do you think, huh? [Sandy] It's okay. 630 00:29:32,103 --> 00:29:34,105 -As long as you're... [gasps] -Look at that one. 631 00:29:34,189 --> 00:29:36,357 -Christmas trees. -[Ralphie] Pretty good. 632 00:29:36,441 --> 00:29:37,484 -[Mark] Yeah. -Okay. 633 00:29:37,567 --> 00:29:38,860 -Hello. -Hello. 634 00:29:38,943 --> 00:29:40,069 [Mark] I like that tree. [Julie] I like that one. 635 00:29:40,153 --> 00:29:41,696 Hello. Can I help you, sir? 636 00:29:41,779 --> 00:29:43,364 Uh, just looking for a tree. 637 00:29:43,448 --> 00:29:47,368 Uh, tall, short, skinny, fat? 638 00:29:47,452 --> 00:29:49,078 I'll know when I see it. 639 00:29:49,162 --> 00:29:53,500 -Well, just let me know if I-- -If I see it. 640 00:29:53,583 --> 00:29:55,210 Pretty slim pickings here, huh? 641 00:29:55,293 --> 00:29:57,378 What do you mean, Dad? There's plenty of trees. 642 00:29:57,962 --> 00:29:59,464 No, Mark. 643 00:29:59,547 --> 00:30:00,798 -Yeah, they're all so beautiful. -Come here. [shushes] 644 00:30:00,882 --> 00:30:01,841 Come here, come here. 645 00:30:01,925 --> 00:30:03,343 -Now listen. -What? 646 00:30:03,426 --> 00:30:05,303 Now, one of the many things my old man taught me 647 00:30:05,386 --> 00:30:08,223 was you have to bargain with these people or they'll rob you blind. 648 00:30:08,306 --> 00:30:11,392 -[Mark] Mm-hm. -You see, it's a battle of wits. Right? 649 00:30:11,476 --> 00:30:12,977 Can't let 'em know what you're thinking. 650 00:30:13,061 --> 00:30:14,729 But you gotta get in their head. 651 00:30:14,812 --> 00:30:17,524 Now, we open with a low bid. 652 00:30:17,607 --> 00:30:18,733 Okay? 653 00:30:18,816 --> 00:30:21,277 Real insult, right across their bow. 654 00:30:21,361 --> 00:30:24,489 And if you're willing to walk away, they'll come around. 655 00:30:24,572 --> 00:30:25,865 Hm. 656 00:30:25,949 --> 00:30:27,784 They always do. [chuckles] 657 00:30:28,910 --> 00:30:30,119 -You got it? -Hm. 658 00:30:30,203 --> 00:30:31,371 -Okay. Follow my lead. -[Mark] Yeah. 659 00:30:31,454 --> 00:30:32,747 Let's go! 660 00:30:32,830 --> 00:30:34,999 -Okay. -[Mark] Let's go. [chuckles] 661 00:30:37,502 --> 00:30:39,379 [Ralphie sighs] 662 00:30:45,927 --> 00:30:48,179 Find anything you like? 663 00:30:48,263 --> 00:30:52,433 [stutters] I mean, I suppose I could, maybe... 664 00:30:52,517 --> 00:30:55,019 with this meager inventory you have, 665 00:30:55,103 --> 00:30:58,439 I could give you three... 666 00:30:58,523 --> 00:31:00,233 maybe... 667 00:31:00,316 --> 00:31:02,610 four bucks tops... 668 00:31:02,694 --> 00:31:03,778 for that one. 669 00:31:06,406 --> 00:31:08,449 But, Ralph, isn't that-- 670 00:31:08,533 --> 00:31:10,577 [Ralphie] Not now, woman! I'm about to judo flip this bozo into the gutter! 671 00:31:10,660 --> 00:31:12,036 Sold. 672 00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:13,454 Thank you so much. 673 00:31:13,538 --> 00:31:15,707 I'll go get the twine. [chuckles] 674 00:31:15,790 --> 00:31:18,001 Yeah, you bet you will. [chuckles] 675 00:31:18,084 --> 00:31:19,627 Look at that, huh? 676 00:31:19,711 --> 00:31:22,255 [tree lot guy] Hey, Chuck, I got rid of the monster tree! 677 00:31:22,338 --> 00:31:23,923 -Bye! -[tree lot guy chuckles] 678 00:31:24,007 --> 00:31:26,467 [Sandy] Ralph, are you sure it's gonna fit in the house? 679 00:31:26,551 --> 00:31:28,344 [Ralphie] Oh, you bet. 680 00:31:28,428 --> 00:31:29,596 [Ralphie grunts] 681 00:31:29,679 --> 00:31:31,973 [Ralphie] My family was enthralled. 682 00:31:32,056 --> 00:31:35,393 Awed by the spectacle I raised before them. 683 00:31:36,352 --> 00:31:38,271 Isn't it great? 684 00:31:38,354 --> 00:31:41,691 We probably should've trimmed the tree before we brought it inside. 685 00:31:41,774 --> 00:31:43,526 No, that's just a saying. 686 00:31:43,610 --> 00:31:45,236 Nobody trims trees. 687 00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:46,904 Besides, it's perfect. 688 00:31:46,988 --> 00:31:49,532 [grunts, sighs] 689 00:31:49,616 --> 00:31:52,869 Yeah. Kinda looks like it's going through puberty. 690 00:31:52,952 --> 00:31:55,038 No wonder they gave it to us for four bucks. 691 00:31:55,121 --> 00:31:59,792 No, it's a wonder how I actually negotiated the deal of a lifetime. 692 00:32:01,919 --> 00:32:03,630 Oh! [chuckles] 693 00:32:04,380 --> 00:32:06,591 [laughs] 694 00:32:06,674 --> 00:32:09,052 -Let's get to work. Come on! -[music playing over radio] 695 00:32:09,135 --> 00:32:11,179 -Okay! -Come on! Let's go! 696 00:32:11,262 --> 00:32:12,305 Decoration time! 697 00:32:12,388 --> 00:32:14,682 A beautiful little angel. 698 00:32:14,766 --> 00:32:16,643 -[radio powers off] -[Sandy] Radio. 699 00:32:16,726 --> 00:32:18,019 Radio. Okay. 700 00:32:18,102 --> 00:32:20,688 Um, what about this one? Nothing important? 701 00:32:20,772 --> 00:32:22,023 -No. -[Ralphie] All right. 702 00:32:22,106 --> 00:32:24,442 Three, two, one... 703 00:32:24,525 --> 00:32:26,152 -[music resumes] -Hey! 704 00:32:26,235 --> 00:32:28,029 [all cheering] 705 00:32:28,112 --> 00:32:29,697 I don't think we should have so much red. 706 00:32:33,701 --> 00:32:34,869 I like that. Ooh. 707 00:32:34,952 --> 00:32:36,746 -Cheers! -Cheers! 708 00:32:36,829 --> 00:32:37,872 [exclaims] 709 00:32:39,415 --> 00:32:41,376 Cheers. You, too, yeah. 710 00:32:41,459 --> 00:32:43,878 [Ralphie] Now, one of the best reasons to have children 711 00:32:43,961 --> 00:32:48,174 is to make them do the things you don't wanna do as an adult. 712 00:32:48,257 --> 00:32:49,509 This a good place? 713 00:32:49,592 --> 00:32:50,718 -Higher than that. -[Ralphie] Go, go, go. 714 00:32:50,802 --> 00:32:51,719 -Here? -[Sandy] Your hand. 715 00:32:51,803 --> 00:32:52,929 -Yeah. Now up. -Now in. 716 00:32:53,012 --> 00:32:53,971 -Here? -Both. 717 00:32:54,055 --> 00:32:55,473 In and up. 718 00:32:55,556 --> 00:32:57,016 -Go in and up. -Why didn't you just point there? 719 00:32:57,100 --> 00:32:58,851 -[Ralphie] Looks good. -Yeah. 720 00:32:58,935 --> 00:33:01,896 -Keep it up, guys. -How come you're not helping? 721 00:33:01,979 --> 00:33:04,065 -We're having fun watching you. -Yeah. 722 00:33:04,148 --> 00:33:07,485 When it's just us, it kind of feels like child labor. 723 00:33:07,568 --> 00:33:08,903 [laughs] 724 00:33:08,986 --> 00:33:11,072 Oh, no, honey, it's not labor if we don't pay you. 725 00:33:11,155 --> 00:33:13,408 -Yeah. -[both groan] 726 00:33:13,491 --> 00:33:15,660 -Cheers. -Cheers. 727 00:33:15,743 --> 00:33:17,954 You're hanging too many on the bottom. 728 00:33:18,037 --> 00:33:21,249 -Well, I can't reach that height! -Use the ladder. 729 00:33:21,332 --> 00:33:22,709 [chuckles] 730 00:33:22,792 --> 00:33:23,876 [Sandy] Careful, honey. 731 00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:25,128 Yeah, Mark, hold the ladder. 732 00:33:25,211 --> 00:33:27,088 I am! 733 00:33:27,171 --> 00:33:28,756 [Ralphie] Yeah, you're doing good, honey. 734 00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:30,508 -Just get up a little higher. -It looks really good. 735 00:33:30,591 --> 00:33:31,676 What next? 736 00:33:31,759 --> 00:33:33,094 We have the whole side over here, 737 00:33:33,177 --> 00:33:34,470 -the one that faces the window. -Mm-hm. 738 00:33:34,554 --> 00:33:35,888 [sighs] 739 00:33:35,972 --> 00:33:38,099 Grandma! Are you sleeping? 740 00:33:38,182 --> 00:33:40,143 No, just resting my eyes. 741 00:33:43,354 --> 00:33:45,356 It was more fun with all of us. 742 00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:48,693 Yeah. Grandpa always helped us finish the tree. 743 00:33:48,776 --> 00:33:50,486 -You know what? You're right. -Yep. 744 00:33:50,570 --> 00:33:52,947 -All right. Here we come. Come on. -Okay. 745 00:33:53,030 --> 00:33:56,159 -[Ralphie] The tree topper! -It's not an angel. 746 00:33:56,242 --> 00:33:57,952 We always have an angel. 747 00:33:58,035 --> 00:34:00,705 [Ralphie] Uh-oh. Better think fast. 748 00:34:00,788 --> 00:34:02,290 Not here in Hohman. 749 00:34:03,666 --> 00:34:04,959 Uh-oh! 750 00:34:05,042 --> 00:34:06,419 Here. Honey, hold this, will you? 751 00:34:06,502 --> 00:34:08,212 Kids, come over here by Grandma. Come on. 752 00:34:08,296 --> 00:34:09,964 [Ralphie] To hook this little guppy, 753 00:34:10,047 --> 00:34:13,760 I'd need just the right combo of mystique and legend. 754 00:34:13,843 --> 00:34:16,971 Here in Hohman, it's star country. 755 00:34:17,054 --> 00:34:19,891 If you don't have a star, you can forget about it. 756 00:34:19,974 --> 00:34:22,310 Santa won't even stop by your house. 757 00:34:22,393 --> 00:34:23,728 Wait. Huh? 758 00:34:23,811 --> 00:34:25,396 [whispering] I'm improvising. 759 00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:27,440 Building new traditions. 760 00:34:27,523 --> 00:34:29,942 -It's good. -Okay. 761 00:34:30,026 --> 00:34:31,360 No doubt about it. 762 00:34:32,236 --> 00:34:34,197 Around these parts... 763 00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:36,908 no star, no Christmas. 764 00:34:36,991 --> 00:34:40,870 -[Ralphie] Come on, take the bait. -Mm. 765 00:34:40,953 --> 00:34:42,663 That's it. 766 00:34:42,747 --> 00:34:43,915 Okay. 767 00:34:43,998 --> 00:34:45,500 Hook, line and sinker. 768 00:34:45,583 --> 00:34:48,085 [all cheering] 769 00:34:51,714 --> 00:34:54,383 -[Sandy] Ralph, we're leaving in 15. -Okay. 770 00:34:56,385 --> 00:34:59,388 -[Sandy] How's it going up here? -Oh. Couldn't be better. 771 00:35:03,768 --> 00:35:04,977 Look at this. 772 00:35:05,061 --> 00:35:07,105 These obituaries are so impersonal. 773 00:35:07,188 --> 00:35:10,233 Well, make it un-impersonal. 774 00:35:10,316 --> 00:35:13,694 This will be the last time most folks ever give him a thought. 775 00:35:13,778 --> 00:35:14,862 It's a lot of pressure. 776 00:35:14,946 --> 00:35:15,947 Yeah. 777 00:35:17,990 --> 00:35:20,284 If anyone can do it, it's you. 778 00:35:20,368 --> 00:35:23,204 -I gotta finish getting ready. -All right. I'll be down in a few. 779 00:35:23,287 --> 00:35:24,372 Okay. 780 00:35:24,455 --> 00:35:25,748 [sighs] 781 00:35:34,340 --> 00:35:36,342 [typewriter clacking] 782 00:35:39,136 --> 00:35:41,430 [Ralphie] The human animal has an incredible knack 783 00:35:41,514 --> 00:35:44,308 for avoiding its greatest responsibilities 784 00:35:44,392 --> 00:35:46,435 when any easier pursuit... 785 00:35:48,354 --> 00:35:49,981 is nearby. 786 00:35:50,064 --> 00:35:52,233 -[phone ringing] -Don't answer it! 787 00:35:52,316 --> 00:35:54,861 Expecting a big call from my manager. 788 00:35:56,779 --> 00:35:58,030 [clears throat] 789 00:36:00,658 --> 00:36:02,827 Good afternoon. Mr. Ralph Parker speaking. 790 00:36:02,910 --> 00:36:04,912 [man] Good afternoon to you, Mr. Parker. 791 00:36:04,996 --> 00:36:09,333 I do hope that we have not caught you at an inconvenient time. 792 00:36:09,417 --> 00:36:10,167 No. 793 00:36:10,251 --> 00:36:12,253 Your Excellency. 794 00:36:13,004 --> 00:36:13,880 Randy. 795 00:36:13,963 --> 00:36:15,214 Yeah. 796 00:36:15,298 --> 00:36:17,091 Well, who were you expecting, President Nixon? 797 00:36:17,174 --> 00:36:20,052 [Ralphie] To everyone's amazement, my kid brother, Randy, 798 00:36:20,136 --> 00:36:22,054 had done quite well for himself, 799 00:36:22,138 --> 00:36:25,099 traveling the globe for business, a regular Rockefeller. 800 00:36:25,182 --> 00:36:27,310 [Randy] So I'm calling to see how Mom's holding up. 801 00:36:27,393 --> 00:36:29,270 Yeah, she said you're on your way. 802 00:36:29,353 --> 00:36:32,899 [sighs] Look, Ralph, it's... 803 00:36:32,982 --> 00:36:36,903 it's not that easy getting from India to Indiana. 804 00:36:36,986 --> 00:36:38,779 But you're working on it, right? 805 00:36:38,863 --> 00:36:40,364 Yeah. I'm at the airport. 806 00:36:40,448 --> 00:36:42,575 Just waiting for my plane to show up. 807 00:36:42,658 --> 00:36:46,329 [Ralphie] And true to form, Randy was burying his head in the sand. 808 00:36:46,412 --> 00:36:47,788 So how's Mom? 809 00:36:47,872 --> 00:36:49,582 Now, the unspoken rule amongst siblings 810 00:36:49,665 --> 00:36:52,501 is that under certain extraordinary circumstances, 811 00:36:52,585 --> 00:36:57,298 a hit below the belt is not only fair but necessary. 812 00:36:57,381 --> 00:37:00,551 I think she is getting her strength back. 813 00:37:00,635 --> 00:37:01,844 What does that mean? 814 00:37:01,928 --> 00:37:04,722 She finally ate something. Thank God. 815 00:37:05,848 --> 00:37:07,224 Half a cracker. 816 00:37:07,308 --> 00:37:08,309 A cracker? 817 00:37:08,392 --> 00:37:10,228 Wait, that's it? A cracker? 818 00:37:10,311 --> 00:37:12,104 Yeah, she's still in bed. 819 00:37:12,188 --> 00:37:13,773 -[whispers] Hi, Mom. -[mouthing] Hi. 820 00:37:13,856 --> 00:37:16,192 But she did speak today. 821 00:37:16,275 --> 00:37:17,818 [chortles] 822 00:37:17,902 --> 00:37:19,028 What'd she say? 823 00:37:19,987 --> 00:37:20,947 A... 824 00:37:21,656 --> 00:37:23,115 It was one word. 825 00:37:24,158 --> 00:37:25,076 She said... 826 00:37:26,118 --> 00:37:27,328 "Randy." 827 00:37:27,411 --> 00:37:28,663 Oh. 828 00:37:28,746 --> 00:37:30,498 But we all know how busy you are 829 00:37:30,581 --> 00:37:31,666 -and how hard you're trying to get here. -No, wait! 830 00:37:31,749 --> 00:37:33,167 Ralphie, Ralphie! Wait, no! 831 00:37:33,250 --> 00:37:34,335 -Ralphie, don't go. -Oh. I think she's up. 832 00:37:34,418 --> 00:37:35,169 Ralphie, don't go, don't go. 833 00:37:35,252 --> 00:37:37,213 Okay, gotta go. 834 00:37:37,296 --> 00:37:38,839 -Don't hang up on me now, Ralphie. Ralphie-- -Good luck, Randy. Bye. 835 00:37:38,923 --> 00:37:40,049 [laughs] 836 00:37:50,017 --> 00:37:53,521 [Ralphie] There are hobbyists, dabblers, and dilettantes. 837 00:37:53,604 --> 00:37:55,523 -But they all take a backseat... -Blade covers. 838 00:37:55,606 --> 00:37:58,275 -...to the most annoying amateur of all... -Pom-poms. 839 00:37:58,359 --> 00:38:00,778 the aficionado. 840 00:38:00,861 --> 00:38:03,155 She packed her own skates? 841 00:38:03,239 --> 00:38:04,532 -Always. -Oh. 842 00:38:04,615 --> 00:38:06,492 You look like a princess. 843 00:38:06,575 --> 00:38:10,329 [Ralphie] My wife was a self-avowed figure skating devotee. 844 00:38:10,413 --> 00:38:12,081 Okay. Let's go. 845 00:38:12,164 --> 00:38:13,499 Let's go. 846 00:38:13,582 --> 00:38:15,126 -Have fun, Ralphie. -Bye, Mom. 847 00:38:15,209 --> 00:38:17,878 [Ralphie] Her keen ability to recall every skater, 848 00:38:17,962 --> 00:38:20,715 move, and point value was matched only by... 849 00:38:20,798 --> 00:38:22,174 [yelps] 850 00:38:22,258 --> 00:38:25,428 ...her complete lack of athletic ability. 851 00:38:27,013 --> 00:38:30,349 You know, I really am good once I get on the ice. 852 00:38:30,433 --> 00:38:34,228 Well, you have such sturdy ankles. I'm surprised they gave out. 853 00:38:34,311 --> 00:38:35,646 [footsteps approaching] 854 00:38:35,730 --> 00:38:37,273 [breathing deeply] Ah. Ah. 855 00:38:37,356 --> 00:38:39,734 Hey, look. Found these in the attic. 856 00:38:39,817 --> 00:38:40,901 Pretty fun. 857 00:38:40,985 --> 00:38:42,278 -[laughs] -Thank you. 858 00:38:42,361 --> 00:38:44,655 All right. I'll leave these with you, honey. 859 00:38:44,739 --> 00:38:47,491 -Like, I can do tricks and stuff. -Uh-huh. 860 00:38:47,575 --> 00:38:49,744 [horn tooting] 861 00:38:51,912 --> 00:38:53,789 [bully screams] 862 00:38:53,873 --> 00:38:55,916 [Ralphie] Most bullies enjoy a little time off for the holidays, 863 00:38:56,000 --> 00:39:00,046 but for devoted lifers like these, the hunt never ends. 864 00:39:00,129 --> 00:39:01,839 I can even do an arabesque. 865 00:39:01,922 --> 00:39:04,717 Is that what you did off the front porch? 866 00:39:05,426 --> 00:39:06,927 Uh... 867 00:39:07,011 --> 00:39:09,263 [Ralphie] Like unaware prey on the Serengeti, 868 00:39:09,346 --> 00:39:13,768 Julie, Mark, and Delbert were distracted by the Bumpus' junkyard jungle. 869 00:39:13,851 --> 00:39:16,270 -Slow down! I get car sick. -What? 870 00:39:16,353 --> 00:39:18,773 -[horn tooting] -[Ralphie] What happened next was inevitable. 871 00:39:18,856 --> 00:39:19,940 Mark, they're back! 872 00:39:20,024 --> 00:39:21,275 Go to the backyard. 873 00:39:21,358 --> 00:39:22,693 Whoa. Here they are. 874 00:39:23,819 --> 00:39:25,237 -[Mark grunts] -[bully laughs] 875 00:39:25,321 --> 00:39:27,239 -You better run! -[Julie] Come on, Mark. 876 00:39:27,323 --> 00:39:28,783 -Hurry! -[Delbert] See you later. 877 00:39:28,866 --> 00:39:31,118 -[bully] Aw... He's stuck. -[grunts] 878 00:39:31,202 --> 00:39:33,537 -Hey, kids, do you wanna play some-- -[bully laughs] 879 00:39:33,621 --> 00:39:35,247 [Mark] Stop. 880 00:39:35,331 --> 00:39:36,916 [Ralphie] Barbarians! 881 00:39:36,999 --> 00:39:38,751 Oh, not on my watch. 882 00:39:38,834 --> 00:39:40,419 -Let him go! -Say it and we'll let you go. 883 00:39:40,503 --> 00:39:41,962 -[screams] -[laughs] 884 00:39:42,046 --> 00:39:43,589 -Just say it. Mercy. -No! 885 00:39:43,672 --> 00:39:44,799 -Just say it. -Say it. 886 00:39:44,882 --> 00:39:46,717 Okay, mercy! 887 00:39:46,801 --> 00:39:48,010 Hey! That's enough! 888 00:39:48,094 --> 00:39:49,970 -It's his dad. We gotta bail. -[grunts] 889 00:39:50,054 --> 00:39:51,180 Go, go, go! 890 00:39:51,263 --> 00:39:53,808 Babies need their daddy to save them. 891 00:39:53,891 --> 00:39:55,017 See you next time! 892 00:39:55,101 --> 00:39:56,852 -Mark, you're okay? -Leave me alone. 893 00:39:57,686 --> 00:39:59,313 [Julie cries] 894 00:39:59,396 --> 00:40:01,065 -Mom. -Oh... 895 00:40:01,148 --> 00:40:03,275 Oh, you're okay. Oh, here we go. 896 00:40:03,359 --> 00:40:04,819 -Come on. -Now you done it. 897 00:40:04,902 --> 00:40:06,403 It's open season on us. 898 00:40:07,238 --> 00:40:08,405 Dumbass. 899 00:40:10,366 --> 00:40:12,535 Watch your mouth. 900 00:40:12,618 --> 00:40:15,037 [Ralphie] Was he right? Was there untold wisdom lurking behind Delbert's dead eyes? 901 00:40:15,121 --> 00:40:18,332 By protecting them, was I making things worse? 902 00:40:20,626 --> 00:40:22,294 Pa, they're back! 903 00:40:22,378 --> 00:40:24,004 [Sandy gasps] 904 00:40:24,088 --> 00:40:25,673 Oh, Lordy be! 905 00:40:25,756 --> 00:40:27,591 -Not Black Bart and his gang. -[Mark gasps] 906 00:40:27,675 --> 00:40:31,095 [Julie] Your old nemesis. What we gonna do? 907 00:40:33,889 --> 00:40:35,099 We gonna fight. 908 00:40:44,650 --> 00:40:46,569 We meet again. 909 00:40:49,113 --> 00:40:50,447 Ralphie. 910 00:40:54,952 --> 00:40:56,453 Follow my lead. 911 00:40:58,998 --> 00:41:00,374 [grunting] 912 00:41:03,711 --> 00:41:04,879 [grunts] 913 00:41:04,962 --> 00:41:06,172 Fire! 914 00:41:07,965 --> 00:41:09,842 [grunting] 915 00:41:11,135 --> 00:41:12,344 [Julie] Get out of my way! 916 00:41:12,428 --> 00:41:14,930 Fight back. What are you doing? 917 00:41:15,014 --> 00:41:16,348 [laughs] 918 00:41:16,432 --> 00:41:18,225 They're useless. 919 00:41:18,309 --> 00:41:19,727 Not Mark! 920 00:41:23,647 --> 00:41:25,566 [Mark] Pa! Save me! 921 00:41:25,649 --> 00:41:27,860 -[distorted groan] -[gasps] 922 00:41:27,943 --> 00:41:29,153 [distorted] No! 923 00:41:29,236 --> 00:41:30,905 [pained grunts] 924 00:41:31,739 --> 00:41:33,699 [Julie] Oh, no! Pa! 925 00:41:33,782 --> 00:41:36,368 We'll be back, Ralphie. 926 00:41:36,452 --> 00:41:39,830 And you won't be around to save 'em. 927 00:41:39,914 --> 00:41:41,749 [laughs] 928 00:41:41,832 --> 00:41:43,918 Let's ride! 929 00:41:44,001 --> 00:41:45,711 -[horse neighs] -[laughs] 930 00:41:45,794 --> 00:41:48,464 -[Ralphie gasps] -[crying] 931 00:41:49,632 --> 00:41:50,925 [Sandy] Oh, Ralph. 932 00:41:51,008 --> 00:41:53,093 [Mark] Who's going to fight for us now, Pa? 933 00:41:53,177 --> 00:41:56,388 [Julie] We're as good as coyote food. 934 00:41:56,472 --> 00:41:58,432 [all crying] 935 00:41:58,515 --> 00:42:01,977 [Ralphie] Every parent learns you can't protect your kids forever. 936 00:42:02,061 --> 00:42:05,189 Eventually, they have to do it for themselves. 937 00:42:07,608 --> 00:42:10,486 I needed to get Christmas back on the rails. 938 00:42:10,569 --> 00:42:15,658 And no better place than the biggest and brightest distraction in all of Hohman. 939 00:42:16,533 --> 00:42:17,952 [indistinct chatter] 940 00:42:18,035 --> 00:42:19,995 -Look at that. It's the Higbee's window. -Wow. 941 00:42:20,079 --> 00:42:22,581 -You guys wanna go see it? Go, go, go. -Yeah. 942 00:42:22,665 --> 00:42:24,625 [Sandy] Wow! [Ralphie] It's pretty good, right? 943 00:42:24,708 --> 00:42:26,377 [Sandy] It's just like you described it. 944 00:42:29,547 --> 00:42:31,131 [toy train toots] 945 00:42:31,215 --> 00:42:33,550 [Ralphie] Magically withstanding the test of time... 946 00:42:33,634 --> 00:42:36,762 the window at Higbee's did not disappoint. 947 00:42:40,307 --> 00:42:43,560 Casting its spell on young and old alike. 948 00:42:47,982 --> 00:42:52,278 Slowly, I could feel the Christmas ember beginning to glow again. 949 00:42:52,361 --> 00:42:55,781 Time to turn it up to a full-blown crackle. 950 00:42:55,864 --> 00:42:57,616 Who wants to go see Santa? 951 00:42:57,700 --> 00:42:58,742 [gasps] 952 00:42:58,826 --> 00:42:59,994 -He's inside right now. -Oh, yes! 953 00:43:00,077 --> 00:43:02,288 -Oh, yes. -Come on, let's go. 954 00:43:03,831 --> 00:43:07,751 [Santa] Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! 955 00:43:13,507 --> 00:43:15,301 This is amazing! 956 00:43:15,384 --> 00:43:17,177 Incredible! 957 00:43:17,261 --> 00:43:18,846 [Ralphie laughs] It was. 958 00:43:18,929 --> 00:43:22,266 Thank God. It really was. 959 00:43:22,349 --> 00:43:24,184 Okay. Go get in line for Santa. 960 00:43:24,268 --> 00:43:26,854 -And we will meet you right here when you're done. -Okay, Mom. 961 00:43:26,937 --> 00:43:28,814 -Bye. Love you. -All right. Bye. Love you. [laughs] 962 00:43:28,897 --> 00:43:30,941 [Ralphie] Seeing Christmas through your children's eyes 963 00:43:31,025 --> 00:43:34,445 has the power to summon long-forgotten memories and emotions. 964 00:43:34,528 --> 00:43:36,196 Don't let him kick you in the face. 965 00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:37,698 -Huh? -Oh, it's okay. 966 00:43:37,781 --> 00:43:39,700 Uh, all right. What do we got? 967 00:43:39,783 --> 00:43:41,785 Okay, all right. I have got the Christmas budget and here's the list. 968 00:43:41,869 --> 00:43:43,203 -Oh, well. You kids have fun. -All right. 969 00:43:43,287 --> 00:43:44,621 I'm going to the lounge. 970 00:43:44,705 --> 00:43:46,123 -Bye, Ma. -Bye. 971 00:43:46,206 --> 00:43:48,083 Okay. Flexible Flyer F-23. 972 00:43:48,167 --> 00:43:50,711 -Hungry Hungry Hippos, Easy-Bake Oven. -Mm-hm. Yeah. It's all there. 973 00:43:50,794 --> 00:43:51,879 -All right. Ready? -Yeah. 974 00:43:51,962 --> 00:43:53,297 -Let's go! -Let's go! 975 00:43:53,380 --> 00:43:56,508 -[grunts] -[pained grunts] 976 00:43:56,592 --> 00:43:58,719 -Here you go, sir. Sorry about that. -Are you okay? 977 00:43:58,802 --> 00:44:00,387 -I'm so sorry. -Everybody's okay. 978 00:44:00,471 --> 00:44:01,930 -Here we go. Let's get you off your feet. -Okay. 979 00:44:02,014 --> 00:44:03,724 -I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. -Merry Christmas, buddy. 980 00:44:03,807 --> 00:44:05,392 Thank you. 981 00:44:05,476 --> 00:44:07,144 -Oh, there she is. -Hi, Ma. 982 00:44:07,227 --> 00:44:08,604 -Hi! -[Ralphie] We had a little accident. 983 00:44:08,687 --> 00:44:09,938 -Sit down. -[Ralphie] Okay. 984 00:44:10,022 --> 00:44:11,440 -Here we go. -[Sandy] Thank you. 985 00:44:11,523 --> 00:44:12,941 [Mrs. Parker] There. [Sandy] Oh, God. Okay. 986 00:44:13,025 --> 00:44:14,902 -I got it. I got it. Okay. -[Sandy exclaims] 987 00:44:14,985 --> 00:44:16,612 -All right, I'm gonna go. I got this. -Are you sure you're okay? 988 00:44:16,695 --> 00:44:18,489 -No problem. I can do it. I got it. -Okay. Good luck. 989 00:44:19,281 --> 00:44:20,074 Ooh. 990 00:44:20,157 --> 00:44:21,575 -Want one? -Yeah. 991 00:44:24,787 --> 00:44:26,538 ♪ We wish you A merry Christmas ♪ 992 00:44:26,622 --> 00:44:28,290 ♪ We wish you A merry Christmas ♪ 993 00:44:28,374 --> 00:44:30,125 ♪ We wish you A merry Christmas ♪ 994 00:44:30,209 --> 00:44:32,002 ♪ And a happy new year ♪ 995 00:44:32,878 --> 00:44:34,505 [Santa] Ho, ho, ho! 996 00:44:34,588 --> 00:44:35,631 Want some? 997 00:44:36,507 --> 00:44:37,508 [both] No. 998 00:44:38,509 --> 00:44:39,510 Okay. 999 00:44:41,095 --> 00:44:42,846 [panting] 1000 00:44:42,930 --> 00:44:44,515 I like this kind of Christmas shopping. 1001 00:44:44,598 --> 00:44:46,767 Oh, it's very civilized. 1002 00:44:46,850 --> 00:44:48,602 [cashier] Merry Christmas... 1003 00:44:48,685 --> 00:44:49,853 All right. I got the puzzle. 1004 00:44:49,937 --> 00:44:51,438 -And all the little stuff. -Okay. 1005 00:44:51,522 --> 00:44:52,981 -Ooh. Good work, good work. -Pretty good start. 1006 00:44:53,065 --> 00:44:54,525 -Where are the kids? -About halfway through. 1007 00:44:54,608 --> 00:44:56,193 -Okay. All right. Go, go, go. -All right. Okay. 1008 00:44:56,276 --> 00:44:58,570 My husband's doing all the Christmas shopping. 1009 00:44:58,654 --> 00:45:00,823 She had a skating accident. 1010 00:45:12,501 --> 00:45:14,086 Are you sure you don't want some? 1011 00:45:14,711 --> 00:45:15,879 [both] Yeah. 1012 00:45:15,963 --> 00:45:17,005 Okay. 1013 00:45:19,842 --> 00:45:21,009 [woman] I never-- 1014 00:45:23,429 --> 00:45:25,389 [laughs] 1015 00:45:25,472 --> 00:45:28,058 -Ah! Merry Christmas! -[screams] 1016 00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:30,936 We got a wild one. 1017 00:45:31,019 --> 00:45:32,187 Get her up. 1018 00:45:32,271 --> 00:45:33,564 Last chance. 1019 00:45:33,647 --> 00:45:35,149 We're good. 1020 00:45:35,232 --> 00:45:36,442 Okay. 1021 00:45:40,904 --> 00:45:42,114 [Santa] Ho, ho, ho. 1022 00:45:42,197 --> 00:45:43,657 Merry Christmas. 1023 00:45:43,740 --> 00:45:45,075 -Who's next? -All right. You're next. Come on up. 1024 00:45:45,159 --> 00:45:47,369 -Come on. -Let's go. Are you? Let's go. 1025 00:45:47,453 --> 00:45:49,204 Let's go. Come on! 1026 00:45:49,288 --> 00:45:51,457 Don't you dare! Ah! 1027 00:45:51,540 --> 00:45:52,458 Oh, Lord. 1028 00:45:52,541 --> 00:45:53,500 [male elf] Jeez! Get the mop. 1029 00:45:53,584 --> 00:45:55,335 Go get the mop. Come on. 1030 00:45:55,419 --> 00:45:56,503 -You gotta put it in a letter this year. -Get out of here, kid. 1031 00:45:56,587 --> 00:45:57,087 Come back tomorrow. 1032 00:45:57,171 --> 00:45:58,505 [laughs] 1033 00:45:58,589 --> 00:46:00,132 I really shouldn't drink this much on an empty stomach. 1034 00:46:00,215 --> 00:46:02,593 -I have a candy cane in my purse. -Mm. 1035 00:46:02,676 --> 00:46:04,845 [Ralphie] Oh, come on, come on, lady, please 1036 00:46:06,054 --> 00:46:07,181 [sighs] 1037 00:46:14,104 --> 00:46:15,189 [grunts] 1038 00:46:17,566 --> 00:46:18,775 [grunts] 1039 00:46:24,781 --> 00:46:26,783 [male elf] Merry Christmas! 1040 00:46:26,867 --> 00:46:29,161 So you're the real Santa Claus? 1041 00:46:29,244 --> 00:46:30,996 [male elf] Oh, here we go again. 1042 00:46:31,872 --> 00:46:33,040 Why, yes, I am. 1043 00:46:33,123 --> 00:46:35,125 -Reindeer. How many? -Eight. 1044 00:46:35,209 --> 00:46:37,920 -Naughty kids. What do they get? -Coal. 1045 00:46:38,003 --> 00:46:39,379 Your legal name? 1046 00:46:39,463 --> 00:46:40,714 Kristopher Kringle. 1047 00:46:40,797 --> 00:46:44,259 North Pole. Longitude and latitude? 1048 00:46:44,343 --> 00:46:47,888 90 North by 135 West. 1049 00:46:47,971 --> 00:46:50,807 You're good. Very good. 1050 00:46:50,891 --> 00:46:52,100 Yes, I am. 1051 00:46:52,184 --> 00:46:55,270 Tree-toppers. Star or angel? 1052 00:46:59,483 --> 00:47:03,320 [Ralphie] Come on, Kringle, don't screw this up. 1053 00:47:03,403 --> 00:47:05,572 -Star! -[Ralphie laughs] That's my guy! 1054 00:47:05,656 --> 00:47:08,408 -[gasps] You really are Santa. -Yes, I am! 1055 00:47:08,492 --> 00:47:10,202 Okay. I want... 1056 00:47:10,285 --> 00:47:12,287 -[whispers] -Huh. 1057 00:47:13,497 --> 00:47:15,123 Well, the cat, I can do. 1058 00:47:15,207 --> 00:47:17,584 The other thing, you're on your own. 1059 00:47:18,168 --> 00:47:19,169 Deal. 1060 00:47:20,504 --> 00:47:23,924 All right. Here we go. Merry Christmas! Hey! 1061 00:47:25,008 --> 00:47:26,969 Hey, Santa. What other thing? 1062 00:47:27,052 --> 00:47:28,971 The kid asked for a radiator... 1063 00:47:29,888 --> 00:47:31,765 for a '66 Plymouth. 1064 00:47:33,517 --> 00:47:34,768 [pants] 1065 00:47:34,851 --> 00:47:36,520 -[woman 1] Oh, let go! -[woman 2 screams] 1066 00:47:36,603 --> 00:47:39,231 -[laughing] -[gasps] 1067 00:47:39,314 --> 00:47:40,566 Did you do it? 1068 00:47:41,900 --> 00:47:44,403 [cheering] 1069 00:47:46,029 --> 00:47:48,156 You didn't think he could do it. 1070 00:47:48,240 --> 00:47:49,741 [laughing] 1071 00:47:49,825 --> 00:47:51,285 ♪ Jingle bells, Batman smells ♪ 1072 00:47:51,368 --> 00:47:53,620 ♪ Robin laid an egg ♪ 1073 00:47:53,704 --> 00:47:56,081 ♪ The Batmobile Lost its wheel ♪ 1074 00:47:56,164 --> 00:47:58,208 ♪ And the Joker got away ♪ 1075 00:47:58,292 --> 00:48:00,377 [all blowing raspberry, laughing] 1076 00:48:00,460 --> 00:48:02,170 [Sandy] You got my mouth. 1077 00:48:02,254 --> 00:48:04,298 Oh, damn radiator! 1078 00:48:04,381 --> 00:48:06,633 -[all] Ah... -[Sandy] Are you kidding me? 1079 00:48:06,717 --> 00:48:09,428 [Julie] Again? [Mrs. Parker] Poor Ralphie. 1080 00:48:09,511 --> 00:48:10,345 [sighs] 1081 00:48:10,429 --> 00:48:11,513 -Egg. -Yeah. 1082 00:48:13,849 --> 00:48:16,184 -We're out. -Ah, you gotta be kidding. 1083 00:48:16,268 --> 00:48:18,645 All right. Well, get comfortable. It's gonna be a while. 1084 00:48:18,729 --> 00:48:20,480 Gotta let it cool on its own. 1085 00:48:20,564 --> 00:48:22,024 [Julie] Oh, man! 1086 00:48:23,025 --> 00:48:24,610 Mom, can we play in the snow? 1087 00:48:24,693 --> 00:48:26,111 Yeah. Why not? 1088 00:48:26,903 --> 00:48:28,739 Bring your gloves. 1089 00:48:28,822 --> 00:48:31,408 [Ralphie imitating Mrs. Parker] "No, honey, get the Plymouth." 1090 00:48:31,491 --> 00:48:32,534 Stinkin'... 1091 00:48:33,201 --> 00:48:34,995 [grunts, laughs] 1092 00:48:35,078 --> 00:48:37,414 [Ralphie] No, no, no. That's not how you do it. 1093 00:48:37,497 --> 00:48:40,167 You gotta pack it tighter if you want it to go further. 1094 00:48:40,250 --> 00:48:42,044 Here, let me show you. 1095 00:48:42,127 --> 00:48:43,670 You gotta pack it up. 1096 00:48:43,754 --> 00:48:46,173 Come on, you guys have made snowballs before. Here. 1097 00:48:46,256 --> 00:48:48,342 If you want it to go far, you gotta pack it. Pack it. 1098 00:48:48,425 --> 00:48:51,261 Push it. See, the tighter you pack it, the further it will go. 1099 00:48:51,345 --> 00:48:53,847 Like this. Then it goes... 1100 00:48:53,930 --> 00:48:56,683 Like that, all right? Good luck. 1101 00:48:57,434 --> 00:48:58,727 Like that? 1102 00:48:58,810 --> 00:49:01,521 [all laughing] 1103 00:49:01,605 --> 00:49:03,106 [Ralphie] The question is... 1104 00:49:04,316 --> 00:49:06,360 do you have enough ammo? 1105 00:49:06,443 --> 00:49:07,819 [all grunt] 1106 00:49:07,903 --> 00:49:09,029 What did I do? 1107 00:49:09,112 --> 00:49:10,739 -You're his accomplice. -[screams] 1108 00:49:10,822 --> 00:49:12,199 [Ralphie] Snowball fight! 1109 00:49:12,282 --> 00:49:14,117 [children scream] 1110 00:49:14,201 --> 00:49:15,619 You shouldn't have challenged me. 1111 00:49:15,702 --> 00:49:17,537 [grunting] 1112 00:49:17,621 --> 00:49:19,206 -[Julie screams] -Get him! Get him! 1113 00:49:19,289 --> 00:49:20,624 Get 'em, Ralphie! 1114 00:49:22,334 --> 00:49:23,210 Come on. 1115 00:49:23,293 --> 00:49:24,670 [grunting] 1116 00:49:25,796 --> 00:49:27,589 -[grunts] -[laughs] 1117 00:49:27,673 --> 00:49:30,300 -[laughs] I thought you were injured. -Mm. 1118 00:49:30,384 --> 00:49:33,220 -I'm feeling no pain. -Well, whose side are you on? 1119 00:49:33,303 --> 00:49:35,305 Uh... me and Mark. 1120 00:49:35,389 --> 00:49:38,058 -And you and Julie. -[grunts, laughs] 1121 00:49:38,141 --> 00:49:40,310 -Oh, you got it. -[screams] 1122 00:49:40,394 --> 00:49:42,062 -Come on, Mom! -Stop. Take cover. 1123 00:49:42,145 --> 00:49:43,563 Oh, God. Oh, God. 1124 00:49:43,647 --> 00:49:45,273 -Now! -[Mrs. Parker] Hey! 1125 00:49:45,357 --> 00:49:48,485 Wait for me. Oh! [grunts] 1126 00:49:48,568 --> 00:49:49,736 Back in the car, Ma! 1127 00:49:50,404 --> 00:49:51,571 Oh, yeah. 1128 00:49:51,655 --> 00:49:53,281 That's a good idea. 1129 00:49:53,990 --> 00:49:55,409 [laughing] 1130 00:49:58,578 --> 00:50:01,289 No, no, no. Head for cover! Run! 1131 00:50:01,373 --> 00:50:03,542 -I bet you can't hit me! -Want to bet? 1132 00:50:03,625 --> 00:50:05,419 -Yes, we can! -No, you can't! 1133 00:50:05,502 --> 00:50:07,462 [Ralphie] Oh, yeah? Watch this! 1134 00:50:07,546 --> 00:50:08,964 Get 'em, Dad! 1135 00:50:11,508 --> 00:50:14,052 [Ralphie] Oh, my God! I killed Julie! 1136 00:50:17,097 --> 00:50:20,350 -Dad, you ran three stop signs. -Thank you, Mark. 1137 00:50:21,143 --> 00:50:22,185 He is your dad. 1138 00:50:22,269 --> 00:50:23,770 Everyone out, please. 1139 00:50:23,854 --> 00:50:25,272 [Mrs. Parker] Ralphie. [Ralphie] Come here. I got her. 1140 00:50:25,355 --> 00:50:26,773 [Sandy] All right. [Ralphie] She's fine. 1141 00:50:26,857 --> 00:50:27,941 -Come on, honey. -[Mrs. Parker] Are we home? 1142 00:50:28,024 --> 00:50:29,234 No, Mom. We're at the hospital. 1143 00:50:29,317 --> 00:50:30,610 Would you get in the hospital, please? 1144 00:50:30,694 --> 00:50:32,195 [Mark] Is she gonna lose her eyeball? 1145 00:50:32,279 --> 00:50:34,030 [Ralphie] She's not losing anything. Get inside. 1146 00:50:34,114 --> 00:50:36,408 [Mark] You let her have it. Pow! 1147 00:50:36,491 --> 00:50:37,909 [Ralphie] Yes, I was there. I saw. 1148 00:50:37,993 --> 00:50:39,453 [Sandy] You'll be okay, sweetheart. 1149 00:50:39,536 --> 00:50:41,038 [Ralphie] She's fine. 1150 00:50:41,121 --> 00:50:42,622 [snores] 1151 00:50:42,706 --> 00:50:44,416 [soft Christmas music playing on radio] 1152 00:50:46,168 --> 00:50:49,546 [grunts] 1153 00:50:58,221 --> 00:51:02,434 -Mark, it's not polite to stare. -Uh-huh. 1154 00:51:02,517 --> 00:51:05,729 [snores, grunts] 1155 00:51:06,980 --> 00:51:08,690 Oh. [chuckles] 1156 00:51:08,774 --> 00:51:10,817 Would you look at that? 1157 00:51:12,819 --> 00:51:14,571 I'm a Cyclops. 1158 00:51:14,654 --> 00:51:18,283 [Sandy] Oh... Hey. Oh, oh. [Mrs. Parker] Oh, honey. 1159 00:51:18,366 --> 00:51:20,327 Come on, let's get you home. 1160 00:51:20,410 --> 00:51:22,329 I'll put some Bactine on it. 1161 00:51:22,412 --> 00:51:23,872 I'm so sorry, sweetheart. 1162 00:51:23,955 --> 00:51:25,791 No, it's okay, honey. 1163 00:51:25,874 --> 00:51:27,501 Because the doctor said it's just gonna be a couple of days, tops. 1164 00:51:27,584 --> 00:51:28,919 Yeah. Better to be safe. 1165 00:51:29,002 --> 00:51:30,587 We don't want anything to get in that eye. 1166 00:51:30,670 --> 00:51:33,465 -Like a snowball? -[Ralphie grunts] 1167 00:51:33,548 --> 00:51:35,550 Okay. Let's get you home. Okay? 1168 00:51:35,634 --> 00:51:38,386 -We'll get you safe. -Um, Ralph... 1169 00:51:43,433 --> 00:51:45,060 [Mrs. Parker] Were we robbed? 1170 00:51:45,143 --> 00:51:47,354 [Ralphie] My mind grappled with the grim reality 1171 00:51:47,437 --> 00:51:51,191 that every dollar we had set aside for Christmas was spent! 1172 00:51:51,274 --> 00:51:54,152 And now, just three days before Christmas, 1173 00:51:54,236 --> 00:51:55,487 what do we have to show for it? 1174 00:51:55,570 --> 00:51:58,949 Nothing! Not one stinkin' thing! 1175 00:51:59,032 --> 00:52:00,325 The only upshot... 1176 00:52:01,243 --> 00:52:02,327 -That hurt? -No. 1177 00:52:02,410 --> 00:52:04,496 [Ralphie] Our kids had no idea. 1178 00:52:07,082 --> 00:52:08,708 Son of a bitch. 1179 00:52:08,792 --> 00:52:11,211 You got that right. 1180 00:52:11,294 --> 00:52:13,880 -[typewriter clacking] -[dog barking] 1181 00:52:13,964 --> 00:52:16,299 [Ralphie] Faced with an impossible situation, 1182 00:52:16,383 --> 00:52:21,388 I did what any good parent would do in a time like this. 1183 00:52:21,471 --> 00:52:25,016 Completely ignore the problem and hope it goes away on its own. 1184 00:52:27,269 --> 00:52:28,562 Hey, Reuben. It's Ralph Parker. 1185 00:52:28,645 --> 00:52:30,146 I just wanted to call and let you know 1186 00:52:30,230 --> 00:52:32,482 that I'm close to completing my follow-up manuscript. 1187 00:52:32,566 --> 00:52:34,276 I can probably have it wrapped up in a few days. 1188 00:52:34,359 --> 00:52:36,319 So if you think it'll make a difference-- 1189 00:52:36,403 --> 00:52:37,654 [Reuben] Seeing as though we haven't heard back on the one. 1190 00:52:37,737 --> 00:52:39,489 -Nothing yet, huh? -Yeah. 1191 00:52:39,573 --> 00:52:41,658 Okay. Uh... 1192 00:52:41,741 --> 00:52:44,953 Do you know if they received the fruit basket I sent? 1193 00:52:50,083 --> 00:52:53,086 I know. I know. I'm getting to that. 1194 00:52:53,169 --> 00:52:55,338 Ralph, I know you'll write a great obituary. 1195 00:52:55,422 --> 00:52:58,800 But right now, we need to focus on Christmas. 1196 00:52:58,884 --> 00:53:01,094 Yeah, I know. I'd love nothing more. 1197 00:53:01,177 --> 00:53:05,515 But I'm just a little hung up on the monsters that stole presents from our children. 1198 00:53:05,599 --> 00:53:07,976 I had everything. I had everything. Every gift. 1199 00:53:08,059 --> 00:53:09,936 You were a sight to behold at Higbee's. 1200 00:53:10,020 --> 00:53:11,813 I was. I really was. 1201 00:53:11,897 --> 00:53:13,899 But then, you know, we get into a snowball fight, we're having fun, 1202 00:53:13,982 --> 00:53:15,984 and then Mark says, "Hey, I bet you can't hit me from here!" 1203 00:53:16,067 --> 00:53:17,986 -And then she just came out of nowhere. -Ralph... 1204 00:53:18,069 --> 00:53:20,113 -I mean, I didn't see her. She just sort of teleported. -Ralph. 1205 00:53:20,196 --> 00:53:23,450 Honey, everyone knows that you did not try to bean our daughter. 1206 00:53:23,533 --> 00:53:25,285 [sighing] Man. 1207 00:53:25,368 --> 00:53:26,494 This is, you know... 1208 00:53:26,578 --> 00:53:29,623 My dad made this all look so easy. 1209 00:53:29,706 --> 00:53:31,583 Yeah, that's what good parents do. 1210 00:53:31,666 --> 00:53:34,419 But that doesn't mean it was easy. 1211 00:53:34,502 --> 00:53:36,296 So, look, I put together all our cash 1212 00:53:36,379 --> 00:53:38,131 and what we have left of the Christmas fund 1213 00:53:38,214 --> 00:53:41,968 and we can still get the kids some presents. 1214 00:53:42,761 --> 00:53:44,930 How much do we have? 1215 00:53:45,013 --> 00:53:47,057 Including the change from the ashtray... 1216 00:53:48,558 --> 00:53:50,352 $21.17. 1217 00:53:50,435 --> 00:53:52,771 [Ralphie] Oh! It was worse than I thought. 1218 00:53:52,854 --> 00:53:54,898 Things had sunk to a new low, 1219 00:53:54,981 --> 00:53:59,402 forcing us to attempt the most delicate of parental maneuvers... 1220 00:53:59,486 --> 00:54:02,238 the lowering of expectations. 1221 00:54:02,322 --> 00:54:04,950 -[Julie] It's crazy. -Hey, kids. 1222 00:54:05,033 --> 00:54:08,828 So, this Christmas, we thought it might be really fun 1223 00:54:08,912 --> 00:54:11,331 to focus a little more on gratitude. 1224 00:54:11,414 --> 00:54:12,374 Yeah. 1225 00:54:12,457 --> 00:54:13,833 Wait, what's going on? 1226 00:54:13,917 --> 00:54:15,961 [Ralphie] That was fast. 1227 00:54:16,044 --> 00:54:18,046 Well, that's what we wanted to talk about. 1228 00:54:18,129 --> 00:54:22,550 Um, because Christmas isn't really about how many great gifts you get. 1229 00:54:22,634 --> 00:54:24,177 -Oh, no. -Isn't it? 1230 00:54:24,260 --> 00:54:26,930 -[Ralphie] They're onto us. -No. It isn't, Mark. 1231 00:54:27,013 --> 00:54:31,017 Because this is part of Christmas, right? And maybe the best part. 1232 00:54:31,101 --> 00:54:32,686 Mm-hm. 1233 00:54:32,769 --> 00:54:35,814 Yeah, all of us together, enjoying delicious home-cooked... 1234 00:54:35,897 --> 00:54:37,023 food. 1235 00:54:37,107 --> 00:54:38,191 [flies buzzing] 1236 00:54:38,274 --> 00:54:40,026 [Ralphie] Nice try, Sandy. 1237 00:54:40,110 --> 00:54:42,153 Are you saying we're not getting presents, just more casserole? 1238 00:54:42,237 --> 00:54:43,530 [Ralphie] No, no, no. [Sandy] No. 1239 00:54:43,613 --> 00:54:46,241 What your mom is trying to help me say 1240 00:54:46,324 --> 00:54:48,785 -is that there will be presents. -Mm-hm. 1241 00:54:48,868 --> 00:54:53,456 -Yeah. -Just more likely not the ones you wanted. 1242 00:54:53,540 --> 00:54:55,208 Does this mean Santa's not coming? 1243 00:54:55,291 --> 00:54:57,627 [Ralphie] Bail out, bail out! Eject, eject! 1244 00:54:57,711 --> 00:54:59,379 No, no. Of course he's coming. 1245 00:54:59,462 --> 00:55:01,047 [Ralphie] Because Santa always comes. [Sandy] Yeah. Yeah. 1246 00:55:01,131 --> 00:55:02,966 No, we just want you to keep one thing in mind. 1247 00:55:03,049 --> 00:55:06,428 [Ralphie] Oh, please, please. Don't say it. 1248 00:55:06,511 --> 00:55:08,138 It's the thought that counts. 1249 00:55:08,221 --> 00:55:10,181 [Ralphie] Oh, no! She said it! 1250 00:55:10,265 --> 00:55:13,393 Kids can smell that stinker from a mile away. 1251 00:55:13,476 --> 00:55:15,353 So, Christmas is gonna suck? 1252 00:55:15,437 --> 00:55:18,648 I knew it! This means I'm not getting a sled, doesn't it? 1253 00:55:18,732 --> 00:55:22,277 Okay, less attitude and more gratitude, mister. 1254 00:55:22,360 --> 00:55:23,570 [door closes] 1255 00:55:23,653 --> 00:55:27,240 [sighs] Well, they certainly got the message. 1256 00:55:27,323 --> 00:55:29,909 Can you just go after Mark? 1257 00:55:33,997 --> 00:55:35,040 Sorry. 1258 00:55:41,880 --> 00:55:43,506 Wanna play Spades? 1259 00:55:44,924 --> 00:55:46,342 One-Eyed Jacks? 1260 00:55:47,719 --> 00:55:49,345 No, thanks, Grandma. 1261 00:55:49,429 --> 00:55:51,931 I have something important I need to figure out. 1262 00:56:12,786 --> 00:56:14,537 Mark, let's go for a walk. 1263 00:56:16,831 --> 00:56:17,916 Come on. 1264 00:56:20,293 --> 00:56:21,628 Suds for Dad, 1265 00:56:21,711 --> 00:56:23,213 Shirley Temple for the kid. 1266 00:56:25,465 --> 00:56:26,925 To Christmas. 1267 00:56:27,008 --> 00:56:28,343 -Cheers. -Cheers. 1268 00:56:28,426 --> 00:56:30,804 [Ralphie] Ah, the genius of the Shirley Temple. 1269 00:56:30,887 --> 00:56:36,267 A few simple ingredients that can make a kid feel like he's one of the grown-ups. 1270 00:56:36,351 --> 00:56:38,186 [Flick] Oh, no, no. Ralphie. 1271 00:56:38,269 --> 00:56:40,480 After the week you've had, don't worry about it. It's on the house. 1272 00:56:40,563 --> 00:56:42,607 Whoa! Did I hear "on the house"? 1273 00:56:42,690 --> 00:56:45,610 -No, you didn't. -[sighs] 1274 00:56:45,693 --> 00:56:48,530 Hey, how's your Christmas going, kid? 1275 00:56:48,613 --> 00:56:50,281 It's okay, I guess. 1276 00:56:50,365 --> 00:56:54,285 -I'm trying to focus on gratitude. -[confused grunts] 1277 00:56:54,369 --> 00:56:56,579 That's real low, Ralph. 1278 00:56:59,040 --> 00:57:00,917 Hey, Mark, you ever bartend before? 1279 00:57:01,000 --> 00:57:03,628 -I'm ten. -Old enough. Come on back here. 1280 00:57:03,711 --> 00:57:05,213 Have some fun. Come on. 1281 00:57:07,590 --> 00:57:09,634 [dogs bark distantly] 1282 00:57:14,472 --> 00:57:15,557 Any in here? 1283 00:57:15,640 --> 00:57:17,350 Nope. Nothing. 1284 00:57:20,770 --> 00:57:22,897 [dog whimpers] 1285 00:57:26,985 --> 00:57:29,154 [gasps] Look at you. 1286 00:57:31,114 --> 00:57:32,532 Hey. Come with me. 1287 00:57:38,413 --> 00:57:39,831 [laughs] 1288 00:57:47,922 --> 00:57:49,048 What do you want? 1289 00:57:49,132 --> 00:57:51,467 I'm fixin' to feed the lobster. 1290 00:57:51,551 --> 00:57:52,760 I found your puppy. 1291 00:57:52,844 --> 00:57:55,430 She must have gotten out somehow. 1292 00:57:55,513 --> 00:57:56,931 What's your angle? 1293 00:57:57,015 --> 00:58:00,768 If you want your adorable little puppy back, 1294 00:58:01,477 --> 00:58:02,770 I want a reward. 1295 00:58:03,563 --> 00:58:05,565 What kinda reward? 1296 00:58:08,401 --> 00:58:09,444 There you go. 1297 00:58:09,527 --> 00:58:11,029 No way. 1298 00:58:11,112 --> 00:58:12,238 Yup. 1299 00:58:12,322 --> 00:58:13,406 You got it. Just go right down there. 1300 00:58:13,489 --> 00:58:15,658 Hey, thanks, kid. You're all right. 1301 00:58:15,742 --> 00:58:17,619 -[phone ringing] -[all gasp] 1302 00:58:17,702 --> 00:58:19,871 Mark, answer it. Go on. 1303 00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:25,084 Hello? Mm-hm. 1304 00:58:25,168 --> 00:58:27,587 Hold on. Let me check. Is Junior here? 1305 00:58:28,379 --> 00:58:30,173 Junior Kissel? 1306 00:58:30,256 --> 00:58:31,674 -Junior Kissel? -[mouthing] No. 1307 00:58:33,176 --> 00:58:36,137 Junior Kissel? 1308 00:58:36,221 --> 00:58:37,722 -[mouthing] No? -[mouthing] No. 1309 00:58:39,057 --> 00:58:40,225 No, I'm sorry, ma'am. 1310 00:58:40,308 --> 00:58:41,893 There's no one here named Junior. 1311 00:58:42,977 --> 00:58:44,229 Mm-hm. 1312 00:58:44,312 --> 00:58:46,022 Merry Christmas to you, too. 1313 00:58:46,105 --> 00:58:47,190 [chuckles] Bye. 1314 00:58:47,273 --> 00:58:48,441 [whistles] 1315 00:58:48,524 --> 00:58:51,194 -Good job. You're great. -[all cheering] 1316 00:58:51,277 --> 00:58:53,696 -He's great. -Your kid's a natural. 1317 00:58:53,780 --> 00:58:55,073 Well done, kid. 1318 00:58:55,156 --> 00:58:56,741 -There you go. -Wow. 1319 00:58:56,824 --> 00:58:59,786 Flick. Beer and a bag of pork rinds. Put it on my tab. 1320 00:58:59,869 --> 00:59:01,246 No, out of pork rinds. 1321 00:59:01,329 --> 00:59:03,414 Jeez. What kind of bar runs out of pork rinds? 1322 00:59:03,498 --> 00:59:06,167 Hey, you know, last week they were out of corn nuts. 1323 00:59:06,251 --> 00:59:08,795 [all laughing] 1324 00:59:08,878 --> 00:59:12,131 It's the kind of bar that floats a guy who runs up a big tab 1325 00:59:12,215 --> 00:59:14,300 while disrespecting the place. 1326 00:59:14,384 --> 00:59:16,427 Whoa. I don't like your tone. 1327 00:59:16,511 --> 00:59:18,471 [Ralphie] Though he'd be the last to admit it, 1328 00:59:18,554 --> 00:59:20,765 deep down somewhere in his inner core, 1329 00:59:20,848 --> 00:59:25,019 Flick had it out for Schwartz since that day on the playground long ago. 1330 00:59:25,103 --> 00:59:27,814 And what kind of tone would you prefer, Your Highness? 1331 00:59:27,897 --> 00:59:30,024 You know, you may be a little more comfortable 1332 00:59:30,108 --> 00:59:32,277 down the street at The Knight Cap. 1333 00:59:32,360 --> 00:59:34,362 -[all murmuring] -The Knight Cap? 1334 00:59:34,445 --> 00:59:38,491 [Ralphie] The Knight Cap? Ugh. Dante's lowest circle of bars. 1335 00:59:38,574 --> 00:59:40,285 The Knight Cap? 1336 00:59:41,619 --> 00:59:43,871 -Oh, you think? -Yeah, maybe I do. 1337 00:59:43,955 --> 00:59:45,290 -Oh, yeah? -Yeah. 1338 00:59:45,373 --> 00:59:47,083 -Yeah? You're taking it back. -Why would I? 1339 00:59:47,166 --> 00:59:48,334 I swear on my mother, Flick. 1340 00:59:48,418 --> 00:59:50,503 -You're taking it back! -Oh, yeah? 1341 00:59:50,586 --> 00:59:51,796 Well, how about this? 1342 00:59:51,879 --> 00:59:54,716 I'll take it back if you ride The Ramp. 1343 00:59:54,799 --> 00:59:55,717 [all exclaim] 1344 00:59:55,800 --> 00:59:57,427 [Ralphie] The Ramp? 1345 00:59:57,510 --> 00:59:59,721 No one with half a brain would agree to ride The Ramp. 1346 00:59:59,804 --> 01:00:02,807 What, are you out of your skull? I mean, I'm a grown man. 1347 01:00:02,890 --> 01:00:04,517 I ain't ridin' no ramp. 1348 01:00:04,600 --> 01:00:07,020 [Ralphie] But Flick was already two moves ahead. 1349 01:00:07,103 --> 01:00:08,688 And... 1350 01:00:08,771 --> 01:00:12,191 -I'll clear your tab. -[all] Ooh. 1351 01:00:12,275 --> 01:00:15,903 [Ralphie] Poor Schwartz was outmaneuvered. 1352 01:00:15,987 --> 01:00:19,866 Rather than lose face with his fellow lowlifes, 1353 01:00:19,949 --> 01:00:22,618 Schwartz sealed his fate. 1354 01:00:24,078 --> 01:00:25,621 -You're on. -Okay. 1355 01:00:25,705 --> 01:00:27,540 -[all exclaiming] -[Flick] All right. Everybody out. 1356 01:00:27,623 --> 01:00:28,958 -[bell dinging] -Dad, let's go! 1357 01:00:38,343 --> 01:00:40,178 [Ralphie] The Ramp. 1358 01:00:40,261 --> 01:00:43,431 An abandoned experiment from the Army Corps of Engineers. 1359 01:00:43,514 --> 01:00:47,435 In winter, it transformed into a frosted sluice of terror. 1360 01:00:47,518 --> 01:00:51,898 On The Ramp, you may as well be riding in your coffin. 1361 01:00:51,981 --> 01:00:53,941 -Holy... -Yeah? What was that? 1362 01:00:54,025 --> 01:00:55,818 Huh? No. Nothing. 1363 01:00:55,902 --> 01:00:57,236 [boy] Here. It's your funeral. 1364 01:01:04,118 --> 01:01:05,411 He's gonna ride that? 1365 01:01:05,495 --> 01:01:06,746 Uh-huh. 1366 01:01:06,829 --> 01:01:08,790 [heavy breaths] 1367 01:01:08,873 --> 01:01:11,959 What the hell are you looking at? Stupid kids. 1368 01:01:12,043 --> 01:01:13,461 He's out of his mind. 1369 01:01:14,962 --> 01:01:16,255 [Flick] Keep going. 1370 01:01:16,339 --> 01:01:19,884 Keep going up that hill, Schwartzy. Let's go! 1371 01:01:19,967 --> 01:01:21,761 It's getting cold! 1372 01:01:21,844 --> 01:01:23,262 What are you doing, man? 1373 01:01:23,346 --> 01:01:25,598 Oh, he's gonna chicken out. Don't worry. 1374 01:01:27,850 --> 01:01:31,312 [panting] This is crazy. This is crazy. 1375 01:01:31,979 --> 01:01:32,939 [exhales] 1376 01:01:33,022 --> 01:01:34,524 But it's gonna clear my tab. 1377 01:01:36,359 --> 01:01:37,902 [exhales sharply] 1378 01:01:37,985 --> 01:01:39,654 [panting] 1379 01:01:42,698 --> 01:01:43,866 [grunts] 1380 01:01:45,034 --> 01:01:46,619 [Flick] Hey, you gonna go down, 1381 01:01:46,702 --> 01:01:48,621 or we gonna stand here and freeze our nuts off? 1382 01:01:48,704 --> 01:01:51,958 [Ralphie] If revenge is a dish best served cold, 1383 01:01:52,041 --> 01:01:55,795 -this was a frozen dinner. -[exhales] 1384 01:01:57,964 --> 01:02:01,175 There's no way I'm gonna kill myself for this. It's crazy! 1385 01:02:01,259 --> 01:02:02,552 Hey, Schwartz! 1386 01:02:02,635 --> 01:02:05,555 I Triple Dog Dare you! 1387 01:02:05,638 --> 01:02:07,557 [Ralphie] Oh, if Schwartz backed down now, 1388 01:02:07,640 --> 01:02:10,143 he could never show his face in Flick's Tavern, 1389 01:02:10,226 --> 01:02:14,021 or perhaps even in Hohman ever again. 1390 01:02:14,105 --> 01:02:15,148 [grunts] 1391 01:02:15,231 --> 01:02:16,858 Oh, I got him now. I got him. 1392 01:02:23,072 --> 01:02:25,408 Okay. We should probably move out of the way. 1393 01:02:26,075 --> 01:02:26,993 [grunts] 1394 01:02:27,076 --> 01:02:28,453 Hey, hey, hey, Ralphie. 1395 01:02:29,328 --> 01:02:30,955 He's gonna be okay, right? 1396 01:02:33,958 --> 01:02:37,170 We should just probably move out of the way. 1397 01:02:37,253 --> 01:02:39,255 [man] He's going to do it! [woman] All right, let's go! 1398 01:02:45,511 --> 01:02:48,181 [shouting] Geronimo! 1399 01:02:58,900 --> 01:03:00,776 -[grunts] -[all gasp] 1400 01:03:00,860 --> 01:03:01,861 Schwartz! 1401 01:03:01,944 --> 01:03:03,196 -Schwartz. -Schwartz. 1402 01:03:03,279 --> 01:03:04,530 -Schwartz, wake up. -Schwartz, wake up. 1403 01:03:04,614 --> 01:03:05,865 Schwartz. Schwartz. 1404 01:03:05,948 --> 01:03:07,867 -Is he alive? -I think. I don't know. 1405 01:03:07,950 --> 01:03:09,327 -Schwartz, wake up, man. -Schwartz. 1406 01:03:09,410 --> 01:03:12,038 -[burps] -[all groan] 1407 01:03:12,121 --> 01:03:13,414 The stink! 1408 01:03:15,208 --> 01:03:17,752 Uh... I thought we lost you there, brother. 1409 01:03:17,835 --> 01:03:19,212 Did I do it? 1410 01:03:19,295 --> 01:03:20,922 -Did I clear my tab? -[man] Yeah, come on, Flick! 1411 01:03:21,005 --> 01:03:23,174 Yeah, your tab is forgiven. 1412 01:03:23,257 --> 01:03:25,676 [all cheering] 1413 01:03:25,760 --> 01:03:27,762 -Let's get you home. -Okay. 1414 01:03:27,845 --> 01:03:30,640 Wait, but first, let's go get a drink. 1415 01:03:30,723 --> 01:03:32,725 Put it on my tab. [laughs] 1416 01:03:32,808 --> 01:03:36,354 [Ralphie] Fueled by bravado, one-upmanship, and libations, 1417 01:03:36,437 --> 01:03:39,190 the barflies took matters into their own hands. 1418 01:03:39,273 --> 01:03:41,484 -No! My sled! -Come on! 1419 01:03:41,567 --> 01:03:46,656 [Ralphie] Any sensible person knew full well, no one over 40 should go sledding. 1420 01:03:46,739 --> 01:03:49,867 But these were not sensible people. 1421 01:03:49,951 --> 01:03:51,202 [grunts] 1422 01:03:51,285 --> 01:03:53,704 You could not look away. 1423 01:03:53,788 --> 01:03:56,666 [screams, groans] 1424 01:03:56,749 --> 01:03:57,750 Make way! 1425 01:03:57,833 --> 01:03:59,085 Make way! 1426 01:03:59,168 --> 01:04:00,127 [grunts] 1427 01:04:00,836 --> 01:04:01,754 Whoa! 1428 01:04:01,837 --> 01:04:03,172 Ooh. Ooh. 1429 01:04:03,256 --> 01:04:04,715 [grunts] 1430 01:04:04,799 --> 01:04:06,509 [screams] Whoa! 1431 01:04:06,592 --> 01:04:08,219 [dodging grunts] 1432 01:04:08,302 --> 01:04:09,387 [screams] 1433 01:04:10,513 --> 01:04:12,265 [screams] 1434 01:04:12,348 --> 01:04:15,226 [Ralphie] I hadn't seen that many cold-weather casualties 1435 01:04:15,309 --> 01:04:16,477 since the Korean War. 1436 01:04:16,561 --> 01:04:18,020 [Mark] Dad! Watch this! 1437 01:04:18,104 --> 01:04:19,397 Mark! No! No! 1438 01:04:21,190 --> 01:04:23,150 -[laughs] -[kid] Watch out! 1439 01:04:24,235 --> 01:04:25,403 Steer! 1440 01:04:25,486 --> 01:04:27,113 -Steer! -[screams] 1441 01:04:27,196 --> 01:04:28,573 [man] Slow down, kid. 1442 01:04:28,656 --> 01:04:29,782 [both scream] 1443 01:04:30,533 --> 01:04:31,367 [grunts] 1444 01:04:32,868 --> 01:04:35,788 [Ralphie] Oh, my God! I killed Mark! 1445 01:04:35,871 --> 01:04:37,373 [dogs bark distantly] 1446 01:04:43,379 --> 01:04:44,463 Hi. 1447 01:04:44,547 --> 01:04:46,382 It's so late. 1448 01:04:46,465 --> 01:04:48,467 Everything go okay with Mark? 1449 01:04:48,551 --> 01:04:51,012 -More or less. -That's good. 1450 01:04:51,095 --> 01:04:52,930 I took care of the presents. 1451 01:04:53,014 --> 01:04:54,181 Oh. Thank you. 1452 01:04:54,265 --> 01:04:55,600 You're welcome. 1453 01:04:58,102 --> 01:04:59,395 Good night. 1454 01:04:59,478 --> 01:05:00,521 Good night. 1455 01:05:05,651 --> 01:05:06,861 By the way... 1456 01:05:06,944 --> 01:05:08,988 -Mark broke his arm. -Hm? 1457 01:05:14,076 --> 01:05:17,955 [Ralphie] My mother was one of the most creative and ruthless Scrabble players, 1458 01:05:18,039 --> 01:05:19,874 in the entire Midwest. 1459 01:05:19,957 --> 01:05:23,836 Everyone knew better than to lock horns with her. 1460 01:05:23,919 --> 01:05:25,504 Sandy, on the other hand... 1461 01:05:25,588 --> 01:05:30,259 Oh, um, I don't think "bajillion" is actually a word. 1462 01:05:30,343 --> 01:05:32,345 Yes, it is. You just used it in a sentence. 1463 01:05:32,428 --> 01:05:35,222 So, that's a double-word score, a double-word score, 1464 01:05:35,306 --> 01:05:37,058 and a seven-tile bonus 1465 01:05:37,141 --> 01:05:40,686 which is 50 points. So, just give me a second. 1466 01:05:43,314 --> 01:05:45,107 122 points. 1467 01:05:45,941 --> 01:05:47,068 Wow. 1468 01:05:47,151 --> 01:05:49,528 [vehicle approaching, horn tooting] 1469 01:05:51,072 --> 01:05:52,490 [bully laughing] 1470 01:05:52,573 --> 01:05:54,909 Kids, you know, when your father was your age, 1471 01:05:54,992 --> 01:05:57,578 he had a similar sort of problem, 1472 01:05:57,662 --> 01:05:59,622 but he worked it out. 1473 01:05:59,705 --> 01:06:01,957 [Ralphie] Uh, the Scut Farkus Affair. 1474 01:06:02,041 --> 01:06:03,542 Really? What happened? 1475 01:06:03,626 --> 01:06:07,922 Well, he beat the snot out of that kid. [laughs] 1476 01:06:08,005 --> 01:06:09,090 That's what happened. 1477 01:06:09,173 --> 01:06:11,550 -Wow! -Daddy beat someone up? 1478 01:06:11,634 --> 01:06:14,053 Wait, that story is true? 1479 01:06:14,136 --> 01:06:15,971 Is it so hard to believe? 1480 01:06:16,055 --> 01:06:18,099 Huh. Ralph. 1481 01:06:18,182 --> 01:06:21,435 -Did he ever bother you again? -Nope. 1482 01:06:22,978 --> 01:06:25,356 Hey, you guys gotta get this figured out. 1483 01:06:25,439 --> 01:06:27,149 You can't just be a target for 'em. 1484 01:06:30,277 --> 01:06:31,529 Armoire. 1485 01:06:31,612 --> 01:06:33,906 -That's not a word. -Yes, it is. 1486 01:06:33,989 --> 01:06:35,825 It's just a fancy word for "cabinet." 1487 01:06:35,908 --> 01:06:38,953 -You have one upstairs. -I certainly do not. 1488 01:06:39,036 --> 01:06:42,998 In Indiana, we say "wardrobe." 1489 01:06:43,082 --> 01:06:46,043 -Come on, grab your coat. -What for? 1490 01:06:46,127 --> 01:06:47,378 I have an idea. 1491 01:06:49,004 --> 01:06:50,381 "Arm." For five. 1492 01:06:50,464 --> 01:06:51,841 Oh, boy! 1493 01:06:51,924 --> 01:06:55,386 Five whole points for Sandy. 1494 01:06:55,469 --> 01:06:57,054 Good for you. 1495 01:06:59,974 --> 01:07:01,892 It's hideous. 1496 01:07:01,976 --> 01:07:03,352 The worst. 1497 01:07:08,357 --> 01:07:11,986 [Ralphie] The window was closing, and I needed some good news. 1498 01:07:12,069 --> 01:07:15,406 All my hopes were pinned on one last publisher. 1499 01:07:15,489 --> 01:07:18,033 -Hello, it's Reuben. -Hey, Reuben. It's Ralph again. 1500 01:07:18,117 --> 01:07:19,285 -Ralph. -Uh... 1501 01:07:19,368 --> 01:07:22,121 Wow. Still in the office on Christmas Eve? 1502 01:07:22,204 --> 01:07:23,873 -That's dedication. -Yeah. 1503 01:07:23,956 --> 01:07:29,962 Um, I was just calling to check in, um, 1504 01:07:30,045 --> 01:07:32,506 one last time, before Christmas. 1505 01:07:32,590 --> 01:07:36,761 No. Ralph. Um, not interested in it. 1506 01:07:36,844 --> 01:07:37,845 I see. 1507 01:07:45,394 --> 01:07:48,147 [Ralphie] That was it. I had my chance. 1508 01:07:48,230 --> 01:07:52,401 And now... I had my answer. 1509 01:07:52,485 --> 01:07:54,320 [dogs barking distantly] 1510 01:07:54,403 --> 01:07:56,030 Ralphie, are you all right? 1511 01:07:57,031 --> 01:07:58,032 Yes. 1512 01:07:59,408 --> 01:08:01,118 No. No. 1513 01:08:01,202 --> 01:08:06,248 That obituary is the hardest damn thing I have ever had to write. 1514 01:08:06,332 --> 01:08:07,958 And I just found out why. 1515 01:08:08,042 --> 01:08:09,502 I'm no writer. 1516 01:08:09,585 --> 01:08:11,504 Just ask any publisher in Chicago. 1517 01:08:12,254 --> 01:08:13,714 Nobody cares, Mom. 1518 01:08:13,798 --> 01:08:16,342 Nobody wants my book. It's over. 1519 01:08:16,425 --> 01:08:19,929 -Oh, Ralphie. -And an obituary? 1520 01:08:20,012 --> 01:08:23,766 How do you sum up a man's life into a paragraph? 1521 01:08:25,893 --> 01:08:26,894 I can't do it. 1522 01:08:27,478 --> 01:08:28,729 Ralphie. 1523 01:08:29,522 --> 01:08:31,106 Ralphie, look at me. 1524 01:08:31,190 --> 01:08:36,153 Just forget about the publishers and the paragraphs. 1525 01:08:36,237 --> 01:08:39,406 Forget about trying to write the perfect words. 1526 01:08:40,324 --> 01:08:41,992 Life isn't perfect. 1527 01:08:42,827 --> 01:08:44,036 [shuddering breaths] 1528 01:08:44,119 --> 01:08:46,914 Your father certainly wasn't perfect. 1529 01:08:48,040 --> 01:08:51,210 Just write about the man you love. 1530 01:08:53,796 --> 01:08:55,881 Or don't. 1531 01:08:55,965 --> 01:08:57,258 It's up to you. 1532 01:09:10,980 --> 01:09:13,190 [the old man] He looks like a pink nightmare. 1533 01:09:18,654 --> 01:09:21,615 This is a lamp! 1534 01:09:30,040 --> 01:09:33,210 I had one when I was eight years old. 1535 01:09:51,937 --> 01:09:54,732 [Ralphie] Incredibly, the dam had broken. 1536 01:09:54,815 --> 01:10:00,154 Once I got out of the way, the words and emotions poured onto the page. 1537 01:10:00,237 --> 01:10:03,908 My fingers raced to keep up with the flood of memories 1538 01:10:03,991 --> 01:10:05,826 of my old man. 1539 01:10:34,188 --> 01:10:35,564 [exhales sharply] 1540 01:10:57,795 --> 01:10:59,797 [children giggle] 1541 01:11:12,601 --> 01:11:13,435 Hey. 1542 01:11:15,688 --> 01:11:16,730 Are you okay? 1543 01:11:17,606 --> 01:11:19,024 You know, actually... 1544 01:11:19,608 --> 01:11:20,943 I am... 1545 01:11:21,026 --> 01:11:22,987 [Christmas song playing on low volume on radio] 1546 01:11:29,159 --> 01:11:30,869 [children giggle] 1547 01:11:30,953 --> 01:11:33,664 [Ralphie] What's going on with you two? [both] Nothin'! 1548 01:11:34,456 --> 01:11:36,041 [Ralphie] Nothin'? 1549 01:11:36,125 --> 01:11:38,544 Behind every nothin', there's always a somethin'. 1550 01:11:38,627 --> 01:11:40,879 -[Julie] Here they come. -[bully] Look! Another snowman. 1551 01:11:40,963 --> 01:11:42,256 [engine revving, horn tooting] 1552 01:11:42,339 --> 01:11:43,757 -[bully] Say goodbye! -[crash] 1553 01:11:43,841 --> 01:11:45,300 [bullies scream] 1554 01:11:45,384 --> 01:11:47,886 [Julie gasps, laughs] 1555 01:11:50,597 --> 01:11:52,349 Oh, my... 1556 01:11:52,433 --> 01:11:53,892 [horn toots, vehicle hisses] 1557 01:11:55,310 --> 01:11:56,520 [pained grunt] 1558 01:11:56,603 --> 01:11:58,981 Gee, what happened, fellas? 1559 01:11:59,064 --> 01:12:02,526 Yeah, fellas. Run into something? 1560 01:12:02,609 --> 01:12:04,778 Like a tree stump? 1561 01:12:04,862 --> 01:12:06,572 [grunting] 1562 01:12:07,740 --> 01:12:09,908 That is mine. 1563 01:12:09,992 --> 01:12:11,577 Thank you very much. 1564 01:12:12,369 --> 01:12:13,579 Pop's gonna kill us. 1565 01:12:13,662 --> 01:12:17,082 -Look! He done pissed himself! -Did not! 1566 01:12:17,166 --> 01:12:19,918 [laughing] 1567 01:12:20,002 --> 01:12:23,422 [Ralphie] Laughter, the sharpest weapon in the arsenal of man, 1568 01:12:23,505 --> 01:12:27,051 able to cut giants down to the size of mice. 1569 01:12:27,134 --> 01:12:27,968 Come on. 1570 01:12:29,762 --> 01:12:31,847 -Did you actually pee yourself? -Shut up. 1571 01:12:33,015 --> 01:12:34,058 Mark. 1572 01:12:35,184 --> 01:12:36,185 Nice job. 1573 01:12:38,187 --> 01:12:39,605 [laughs] 1574 01:12:40,689 --> 01:12:42,733 I got snowmobiles. 1575 01:12:43,942 --> 01:12:45,819 [radio tuning] 1576 01:12:45,903 --> 01:12:47,654 [announcer on radio] Wait a minute, folks. 1577 01:12:47,738 --> 01:12:50,324 North American Aerospace Defense Command radar 1578 01:12:50,407 --> 01:12:54,620 has just picked up an unknown flying object in the night sky. 1579 01:12:54,703 --> 01:12:57,956 It's headed south toward the continental United States 1580 01:12:58,040 --> 01:12:59,958 at a very high rate of speed. 1581 01:13:00,042 --> 01:13:02,127 -Repeat, NORAD radar... -Is that what I think it is? 1582 01:13:02,211 --> 01:13:06,632 ...has just intercepted a signal originating from the North Pole. 1583 01:13:06,715 --> 01:13:09,510 It's Santa Claus! It's Santa Claus! 1584 01:13:09,593 --> 01:13:12,471 [Ralphie] You know what? I think it is! 1585 01:13:12,554 --> 01:13:17,351 [Ralphie] At last, we were one silent night away from Christmas. 1586 01:13:17,434 --> 01:13:19,937 I was home free. 1587 01:13:20,020 --> 01:13:21,480 By morning, my job would be-- 1588 01:13:21,563 --> 01:13:23,816 -[shatters] -[Sandy gasps] 1589 01:13:23,899 --> 01:13:24,817 Oh. 1590 01:13:24,900 --> 01:13:27,444 The star. [cries] It shattered. 1591 01:13:27,528 --> 01:13:30,364 [Ralphie] Not just shattered, pulverized! 1592 01:13:30,447 --> 01:13:31,990 [cries] Can we fix it? 1593 01:13:32,074 --> 01:13:33,700 Oh, honey... 1594 01:13:33,784 --> 01:13:36,328 You said it won't be Christmas without a star. 1595 01:13:36,411 --> 01:13:38,997 Oh, no, honey. It's okay. We can still have a great Christmas. 1596 01:13:39,081 --> 01:13:41,959 No! You said Santa won't come without a star. 1597 01:13:43,544 --> 01:13:44,837 [Sandy] Oh, honey. 1598 01:13:44,920 --> 01:13:46,880 -Did I say that? -[all] Yes! 1599 01:13:46,964 --> 01:13:49,216 Well, I didn't know this was gonna happen. 1600 01:13:49,299 --> 01:13:51,677 I knew it. No Christmas. 1601 01:13:52,511 --> 01:13:53,846 Okay. You know what? 1602 01:13:53,929 --> 01:13:55,597 I'm gonna go out, and I'm gonna get us a star. 1603 01:13:55,681 --> 01:13:57,015 An even better one! 1604 01:13:57,099 --> 01:13:58,851 Ralphie, it's Christmas Eve. 1605 01:13:58,934 --> 01:14:02,062 -Well, then I better hurry. -Well, uh... Everything's closed! 1606 01:14:02,146 --> 01:14:04,231 Well, you heard her. Where are you going? 1607 01:14:04,314 --> 01:14:05,941 I am fixing this. 1608 01:14:06,024 --> 01:14:07,943 Ralph! Just give it up. 1609 01:14:08,026 --> 01:14:11,238 No! I am not giving it up. 1610 01:14:11,321 --> 01:14:13,365 I'm gonna go get us a star! 1611 01:14:15,701 --> 01:14:18,495 Oh. And we're gonna have a great Christmas! 1612 01:14:21,081 --> 01:14:22,833 -[door closes] -[dogs bark] 1613 01:14:22,916 --> 01:14:25,377 Get out of here! Not now. Not now. 1614 01:14:25,460 --> 01:14:27,296 Not now, damn it. Get out of here. 1615 01:14:29,089 --> 01:14:30,549 Get out of here. 1616 01:14:42,978 --> 01:14:48,692 [Ralphie] As the town went dark, so did my hopes of completing my mission. 1617 01:14:51,653 --> 01:14:52,863 [brakes screech] 1618 01:14:58,160 --> 01:15:03,749 The term "breaking and entering" has always had such an unduly, sinister tone. 1619 01:15:03,832 --> 01:15:05,918 "Borrowing from a friend," on the other hand, 1620 01:15:06,001 --> 01:15:08,295 that sounded downright neighborly. 1621 01:15:16,011 --> 01:15:17,137 [doorknob rattling] 1622 01:15:20,515 --> 01:15:23,310 If Flick were here, he'd let me in. 1623 01:15:24,519 --> 01:15:26,230 But since he wasn't... 1624 01:15:35,489 --> 01:15:36,782 [grunts] 1625 01:15:36,865 --> 01:15:38,367 -[dog barks distantly] -Son of a... 1626 01:15:47,584 --> 01:15:48,794 [grunts] 1627 01:15:54,132 --> 01:15:55,175 Come on. 1628 01:15:56,593 --> 01:15:58,595 Ow! [groans] 1629 01:16:03,684 --> 01:16:04,726 [exhales] 1630 01:16:10,732 --> 01:16:11,942 [sighs] 1631 01:16:17,114 --> 01:16:19,116 Victory! 1632 01:16:19,199 --> 01:16:23,829 With star in hand, I could return triumphant to my adoring family. 1633 01:16:23,912 --> 01:16:25,706 Christmas would be saved. 1634 01:16:25,789 --> 01:16:28,375 [man] You! Hold it right there. 1635 01:16:28,458 --> 01:16:31,169 Put your hands up. I said put 'em up. 1636 01:16:31,253 --> 01:16:32,838 It's okay. I know the owner, Flick. 1637 01:16:32,921 --> 01:16:34,756 I just had to borrow a Christmas star. 1638 01:16:34,840 --> 01:16:36,174 I left a note. 1639 01:16:36,258 --> 01:16:38,093 [laughs] You left a note. Well, that's a new one. 1640 01:16:39,219 --> 01:16:40,846 Wait. 1641 01:16:40,929 --> 01:16:42,514 Don't I know you? 1642 01:16:48,312 --> 01:16:51,690 Scut Farkus. 1643 01:16:51,773 --> 01:16:55,152 -There he was, with those same yellow eyes. -[evil laugh] 1644 01:16:55,235 --> 01:16:58,030 Dear God, he still had yellow eyes! 1645 01:16:58,113 --> 01:17:00,198 I hadn't said as much as two words to Scut 1646 01:17:00,282 --> 01:17:03,618 since I miraculously knocked the snot out of him decades ago. 1647 01:17:03,702 --> 01:17:05,078 Say uncle! 1648 01:17:05,162 --> 01:17:07,247 Maybe he wouldn't recognize me. 1649 01:17:08,206 --> 01:17:09,541 Ralph Parker. 1650 01:17:09,625 --> 01:17:11,251 Damn! 1651 01:17:11,335 --> 01:17:14,046 Breaking and entering. Never imagined you'd end up like this. 1652 01:17:14,129 --> 01:17:15,547 Wait. I can explain. 1653 01:17:15,630 --> 01:17:17,132 Get in the car. 1654 01:17:20,886 --> 01:17:22,220 [police radio chatter] 1655 01:17:23,680 --> 01:17:25,140 [Ralphie] Rule number one. 1656 01:17:25,223 --> 01:17:26,892 When taken by the enemy, don't show fear. 1657 01:17:26,975 --> 01:17:30,562 Befriend your captor and develop a rapport. 1658 01:17:30,645 --> 01:17:34,816 So, what's it been? 20, 30 years? 1659 01:17:34,900 --> 01:17:36,401 Thirty-three... 1660 01:17:36,485 --> 01:17:37,652 if you're counting. 1661 01:17:37,736 --> 01:17:39,196 Oh, this was it. 1662 01:17:39,279 --> 01:17:41,865 Scut would lock me up and throw away the key. 1663 01:17:41,948 --> 01:17:44,117 What would become of my family? 1664 01:17:46,036 --> 01:17:47,788 -[door unbolts] -[grunts] 1665 01:17:47,871 --> 01:17:50,499 -Who's there? -You got visitors. 1666 01:17:50,582 --> 01:17:51,917 [door buzzes] 1667 01:17:54,670 --> 01:17:56,254 [man] Dead man walking. 1668 01:18:04,429 --> 01:18:05,806 Sandy. 1669 01:18:05,889 --> 01:18:07,474 Wow, you look great. 1670 01:18:07,557 --> 01:18:09,101 I feel great, Ralph. 1671 01:18:09,184 --> 01:18:10,268 Better than ever. 1672 01:18:11,353 --> 01:18:12,437 Mark? 1673 01:18:12,521 --> 01:18:13,772 [in British accent] Hello, Dad. 1674 01:18:13,855 --> 01:18:15,357 Why are you talking like that? 1675 01:18:15,440 --> 01:18:17,943 -Oh, look. He suddenly cares. -[chuckles] 1676 01:18:18,026 --> 01:18:22,072 You never came home, Dad. So things went a wee bit rotten. 1677 01:18:23,740 --> 01:18:25,701 Julie, is that you? 1678 01:18:27,536 --> 01:18:28,954 [gasps] 1679 01:18:29,037 --> 01:18:31,873 -Brought you a present. -What happened to your eye? 1680 01:18:34,084 --> 01:18:35,252 [groans] 1681 01:18:35,335 --> 01:18:38,088 Well, you did keep one promise, Ralph. 1682 01:18:38,171 --> 01:18:41,049 It was a Christmas we'll never forget. 1683 01:18:41,842 --> 01:18:43,552 [all] Never forget. 1684 01:18:43,635 --> 01:18:45,303 -Never forget. -[grunting] 1685 01:18:45,387 --> 01:18:49,099 -Never forget. Never forget. -[gasps] 1686 01:18:49,182 --> 01:18:51,017 -Never forget. -[laughs] 1687 01:18:51,101 --> 01:18:52,936 Never forget. 1688 01:18:53,019 --> 01:18:54,312 Never forget. 1689 01:18:55,063 --> 01:18:56,648 Ah, man. 1690 01:19:02,237 --> 01:19:03,655 [Ralphie] Uh... 1691 01:19:03,738 --> 01:19:06,825 That's the police station. I think we just passed it. 1692 01:19:06,908 --> 01:19:09,619 Don't worry about it. 1693 01:19:09,703 --> 01:19:13,165 [Ralphie] Don't worry? I was very worried. 1694 01:19:13,248 --> 01:19:15,208 Oh, forget jail. 1695 01:19:15,292 --> 01:19:17,252 Scut was gonna kill me! 1696 01:19:17,335 --> 01:19:20,297 You're looking kinda jumpy, Parker. 1697 01:19:20,380 --> 01:19:22,674 Me? No. I'm fine. 1698 01:19:22,757 --> 01:19:26,261 Like busting into a bar on a Christmas Eve fine? 1699 01:19:26,344 --> 01:19:28,221 Oh, I didn't want to do that. 1700 01:19:28,305 --> 01:19:31,516 I had to. I needed that star for the tree 1701 01:19:31,600 --> 01:19:33,852 for my family for Christmas. 1702 01:19:33,935 --> 01:19:35,645 None of it makes any sense. 1703 01:19:35,729 --> 01:19:37,689 When we were kids, life was simple. 1704 01:19:37,772 --> 01:19:41,693 It was all just fun and games. Am I right? 1705 01:19:41,777 --> 01:19:43,737 Lots of laughs. [fake laugh] 1706 01:19:43,820 --> 01:19:45,989 Yeah, now I got some devil spawn of my own, 1707 01:19:46,072 --> 01:19:49,868 running around all day on that stupid snowmobile. 1708 01:19:52,078 --> 01:19:55,457 Between us... I think they're worse than I ever was. 1709 01:19:55,540 --> 01:19:56,958 No. What are you talking about? 1710 01:19:57,042 --> 01:19:58,210 I mean, you... 1711 01:19:58,293 --> 01:20:00,337 You were great. 1712 01:20:00,420 --> 01:20:02,047 [Ralphie] Oh, what was I saying? 1713 01:20:02,130 --> 01:20:05,467 My mind was mush. My dying words were lies! 1714 01:20:05,550 --> 01:20:06,801 All lies! 1715 01:20:06,885 --> 01:20:08,720 [man on radio] Farkus. Come in, Farkus. 1716 01:20:08,804 --> 01:20:10,889 -What's your 20? Can you hear me? -[turns off radio] 1717 01:20:10,972 --> 01:20:13,058 [Ralphie] Oh, no! How would he do it? 1718 01:20:13,141 --> 01:20:14,935 Death by a thousand cuts? Buried alive? 1719 01:20:15,018 --> 01:20:16,895 Medieval chin breaker? Burned at the stake? 1720 01:20:16,978 --> 01:20:19,564 Steam rolled? Pool of piranhas? 1721 01:20:19,648 --> 01:20:20,899 End of the road, Parker. 1722 01:20:20,982 --> 01:20:22,567 Oh, no! This was it! 1723 01:20:22,651 --> 01:20:24,152 Kiss my sweet ass... 1724 01:20:24,236 --> 01:20:25,820 This is home, right? 1725 01:20:27,405 --> 01:20:28,657 [dog barking] 1726 01:20:28,740 --> 01:20:31,201 Yeah, this is home. 1727 01:20:41,920 --> 01:20:43,588 Breaking into Flick's dump, huh? 1728 01:20:43,672 --> 01:20:45,715 You must've really needed that star. 1729 01:20:45,799 --> 01:20:48,260 Yeah, I did. 1730 01:20:48,343 --> 01:20:52,347 Look, I appreciate you blowing smoke up my dress like you did, 1731 01:20:52,430 --> 01:20:54,933 but we both know when we were kids... 1732 01:20:55,016 --> 01:20:56,434 I was kind of a nightmare. 1733 01:20:56,518 --> 01:20:57,769 [Ralphie] Kinda? 1734 01:20:57,853 --> 01:21:00,230 I was just trying to be a tough guy, you know? 1735 01:21:00,313 --> 01:21:02,190 Like my old man. 1736 01:21:02,274 --> 01:21:06,778 But that day you handed my ass to me... I mean, that got me thinkin'. 1737 01:21:06,862 --> 01:21:09,030 [Ralphie] Not sure where this is going. 1738 01:21:09,114 --> 01:21:12,617 You know, I put all that garbage behind me. 1739 01:21:12,701 --> 01:21:13,743 And look at me now. 1740 01:21:15,245 --> 01:21:17,622 I'm one of the good guys. 1741 01:21:17,706 --> 01:21:19,791 So I guess what I'm saying is... 1742 01:21:19,875 --> 01:21:20,959 I owe you, Parker. 1743 01:21:28,091 --> 01:21:28,925 Hey. 1744 01:21:34,014 --> 01:21:35,098 Merry Christmas, Ralph. 1745 01:21:36,516 --> 01:21:37,809 Merry Christmas, Scut. 1746 01:21:42,731 --> 01:21:45,984 You know, if anyone else but me had answered that call, 1747 01:21:46,067 --> 01:21:49,070 you'd be rotting in a jail cell all weekend. 1748 01:21:49,154 --> 01:21:50,322 How about that? 1749 01:21:50,947 --> 01:21:52,073 [laughs] 1750 01:22:06,588 --> 01:22:07,714 [siren wails] 1751 01:22:14,763 --> 01:22:15,639 [exhales] 1752 01:22:29,944 --> 01:22:32,697 [Mrs. Parker] Oh, Ralphie. You found a star. 1753 01:22:33,448 --> 01:22:34,491 Yeah. 1754 01:22:43,458 --> 01:22:45,585 I miss him, Ma. 1755 01:22:45,669 --> 01:22:47,170 [Mrs. Parker] I miss him, too. 1756 01:22:49,464 --> 01:22:50,965 But I know he's here. 1757 01:22:54,886 --> 01:22:56,805 -[Ralphie groans] -[Mrs. Parker sighs] 1758 01:22:56,888 --> 01:23:00,392 -[Ralphie] I'll get the fuse. -No. No. You go to bed. 1759 01:23:00,475 --> 01:23:04,062 I've gotta learn to do these things on my own from now on. 1760 01:23:04,145 --> 01:23:05,647 -I'll be fine. -Okay. 1761 01:23:05,730 --> 01:23:07,357 Okay, so, go. Go on. 1762 01:23:07,440 --> 01:23:09,317 -I'm going up. -Okay. All right. 1763 01:23:09,401 --> 01:23:10,443 Be careful, Ma. 1764 01:23:10,527 --> 01:23:11,653 Good night, Ralphie. 1765 01:23:11,736 --> 01:23:12,779 Good night. 1766 01:23:15,323 --> 01:23:16,574 [footsteps running] 1767 01:23:16,658 --> 01:23:18,034 [both] Wake up! 1768 01:23:18,118 --> 01:23:19,703 [screaming] 1769 01:23:19,786 --> 01:23:21,746 -Come on, it's Christmas! -There's presents under the tree! 1770 01:23:21,830 --> 01:23:24,040 We have to go see! Come on! 1771 01:23:24,124 --> 01:23:25,959 -Okay, we're up, we're up. -Okay, okay. 1772 01:23:26,042 --> 01:23:27,919 -Hurry up! -Faster! 1773 01:23:29,546 --> 01:23:31,047 [gasps] Look, Julie! 1774 01:23:31,131 --> 01:23:33,425 [screams] Daddy, Daddy, you did it! 1775 01:23:33,508 --> 01:23:36,261 -You got the star and Santa came! -[Mark] Look at it! 1776 01:23:36,344 --> 01:23:38,680 -Is that a beer logo? -[Mark] Awesome. 1777 01:23:38,763 --> 01:23:40,306 Don't ask. 1778 01:23:40,390 --> 01:23:43,059 -[laughs] Oh. Merry Christmas. -[Sandy] Oh. Merry Christmas. 1779 01:23:43,143 --> 01:23:44,936 -Merry Christmas, Ma. -[Mark] He ate the cookies! 1780 01:23:45,019 --> 01:23:47,313 -Good morning. -[Julie] And the stockings are full! 1781 01:23:47,397 --> 01:23:49,691 -[both] Wow. -Did you get extra presents? 1782 01:23:49,774 --> 01:23:51,234 No. Did you? 1783 01:23:51,317 --> 01:23:52,152 No. 1784 01:23:53,111 --> 01:23:55,238 "For Ralph. Love, Dad." 1785 01:23:56,030 --> 01:23:57,031 Oh. 1786 01:23:59,993 --> 01:24:02,287 "For Julie. Love, Grandpa." 1787 01:24:02,370 --> 01:24:03,246 [gasps] 1788 01:24:05,874 --> 01:24:07,459 Mom, these are all from Dad. 1789 01:24:08,376 --> 01:24:09,627 Yeah. 1790 01:24:09,711 --> 01:24:12,380 Last night, when I was down in the basement 1791 01:24:12,464 --> 01:24:14,632 fixing the fuse, I found them. 1792 01:24:15,884 --> 01:24:20,096 He must've got them before. 1793 01:24:22,724 --> 01:24:25,810 Yeah. [chuckles] He did good. 1794 01:24:25,894 --> 01:24:27,145 [Ralphie] Yeah. 1795 01:24:28,730 --> 01:24:31,941 -[laughs] Well, come on! Let's open gifts! -[Ralphie] Yeah! 1796 01:24:32,025 --> 01:24:35,487 [Ralphie] Each of us, in turn, opened the gifts from my old man, 1797 01:24:35,570 --> 01:24:37,989 marveling at their thoughtful perfection. 1798 01:24:38,072 --> 01:24:39,616 An Easy-Bake Oven! 1799 01:24:39,699 --> 01:24:42,076 -I can make Christmas cookies today! -[Ralphie] Yeah! 1800 01:24:42,160 --> 01:24:43,495 It even has a pom-pom. 1801 01:24:43,578 --> 01:24:45,497 -[Ralphie] Wow. -Really pretty. 1802 01:24:45,580 --> 01:24:47,999 -It is soft. -Yeah. 1803 01:24:48,082 --> 01:24:49,667 -[Sandy] Ah... -Fountain pen. 1804 01:24:49,751 --> 01:24:52,045 -Oh, lovely. -Wow. 1805 01:24:52,754 --> 01:24:53,588 Wow! 1806 01:24:54,297 --> 01:24:56,132 [chuckles] 1807 01:24:56,216 --> 01:24:59,511 A Flexible Flyer F-23 Yankee Clipper! 1808 01:24:59,594 --> 01:25:00,804 How did he know? 1809 01:25:00,887 --> 01:25:03,723 He knows. He always knows. 1810 01:25:03,807 --> 01:25:07,560 And right when it seemed the only thing missing was the old man, 1811 01:25:07,644 --> 01:25:12,232 he was here, just like always, on Christmas morning. 1812 01:25:14,150 --> 01:25:16,402 [Ralphie] Whoa! Look at that. [Sandy] Oh, you are... 1813 01:25:16,486 --> 01:25:18,196 Oh, boy. 1814 01:25:18,279 --> 01:25:20,156 [Ralphie] We tore into the remaining presents with abandon. 1815 01:25:20,240 --> 01:25:23,159 See, now your papa can't hit you in the eyes anymore. 1816 01:25:23,243 --> 01:25:24,744 It was an accident. 1817 01:25:24,828 --> 01:25:26,955 [Ralphie] Some were from Mom's stockings from Santa, 1818 01:25:27,038 --> 01:25:30,583 and the rest from Sandy's ingenious use of our remaining cash. 1819 01:25:30,667 --> 01:25:31,876 It's a party calendar. 1820 01:25:31,960 --> 01:25:33,419 [Ralphie] Disco. [Sandy] Disco. 1821 01:25:33,503 --> 01:25:35,088 [Mrs. Parker] Disco. Yeah. [Ralphie] Look at that. 1822 01:25:37,131 --> 01:25:39,551 No one cared how much they cost, because... 1823 01:25:39,634 --> 01:25:42,178 and I can't believe I'm admitting this, 1824 01:25:42,262 --> 01:25:44,180 it was the thought that counts. 1825 01:25:44,264 --> 01:25:46,808 [Sandy] He's gonna break his other arm, too. [Ralphie] Yeah. He just might. 1826 01:25:46,891 --> 01:25:49,894 -And, Dad, I have something for you. -Oh. 1827 01:25:49,978 --> 01:25:51,396 [chuckles] 1828 01:25:51,479 --> 01:25:53,356 -Ooh. -The gifts are great. 1829 01:25:53,439 --> 01:25:55,149 -Thanks. -You're welcome. 1830 01:25:55,233 --> 01:25:57,318 -Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas. 1831 01:25:58,736 --> 01:25:59,988 [Mrs. Parker] Oh. 1832 01:26:00,071 --> 01:26:02,740 -[laughing] -[Sandy] What? 1833 01:26:03,658 --> 01:26:05,493 Oh. A radiator. 1834 01:26:05,577 --> 01:26:07,745 -Where did you-- -I blackmailed Delbert. 1835 01:26:07,829 --> 01:26:10,540 -It was easy. -[chuckles] That's my girl. 1836 01:26:12,584 --> 01:26:14,127 Thank you, sweetheart. 1837 01:26:14,210 --> 01:26:16,045 I love it. 1838 01:26:16,129 --> 01:26:18,923 -[Ralphie] Delbert Bumpus. The gift that keeps on giving. -Oh, my God. 1839 01:26:25,889 --> 01:26:27,348 I can't wait. 1840 01:26:27,432 --> 01:26:29,183 Me neither. 1841 01:26:29,267 --> 01:26:31,686 [Mrs. Parker] Not until the casseroles are finished. 1842 01:26:31,769 --> 01:26:33,104 [groans] 1843 01:26:33,187 --> 01:26:35,607 [laughs] Come on, let's go. Two plates, two forks. 1844 01:26:35,690 --> 01:26:37,192 -Off you go. -You serious? 1845 01:26:37,275 --> 01:26:39,193 I'm serious. Out you go. Come on. 1846 01:26:39,277 --> 01:26:40,778 Put some meat on those bones. Go on. 1847 01:26:40,862 --> 01:26:42,488 -[Julie] It never ends. -I know, I know. 1848 01:26:47,744 --> 01:26:48,870 [Sandy sighs] 1849 01:26:51,247 --> 01:26:54,208 You know, I've been thinking. 1850 01:26:54,292 --> 01:26:56,961 I mean, a year, it really isn't that much time. 1851 01:26:57,045 --> 01:26:59,839 -And to build a writing career-- -No, honey. 1852 01:27:00,548 --> 01:27:01,841 A deal's a deal. 1853 01:27:01,925 --> 01:27:03,551 And it was a real gift. 1854 01:27:03,635 --> 01:27:06,471 But come January, I'm going back to work. 1855 01:27:07,096 --> 01:27:08,306 And that's okay. 1856 01:27:09,474 --> 01:27:10,642 Okay. 1857 01:27:31,955 --> 01:27:36,334 [Ralphie] It wasn't the lack of success that bothered me. 1858 01:27:36,417 --> 01:27:38,878 It was the sting that laid in the belief 1859 01:27:38,962 --> 01:27:42,173 that I still had something meaningful to say. 1860 01:27:44,717 --> 01:27:45,885 [woman] Ralphie! 1861 01:27:46,886 --> 01:27:48,137 Great job! 1862 01:27:50,598 --> 01:27:51,808 Okay. 1863 01:27:57,021 --> 01:27:58,356 [man] Hey, Ralphie! 1864 01:27:58,439 --> 01:27:59,857 The wife and I loved your story. 1865 01:28:00,817 --> 01:28:01,859 The newspaper. 1866 01:28:03,444 --> 01:28:04,487 It's great! 1867 01:28:30,388 --> 01:28:32,557 It's my story. 1868 01:28:32,640 --> 01:28:34,434 How did they get my story? 1869 01:28:34,517 --> 01:28:35,560 Don't look at me. 1870 01:28:38,062 --> 01:28:39,731 I gave it to 'em. 1871 01:28:39,814 --> 01:28:41,566 What are you talking about? 1872 01:28:41,649 --> 01:28:43,985 Well, last night, after you stormed out, the newspaper called. 1873 01:28:44,068 --> 01:28:46,446 They wanted the obituary for the Sunday paper. 1874 01:28:46,529 --> 01:28:49,949 So, I borrowed your mom's car and I dropped it off. 1875 01:28:50,033 --> 01:28:51,367 It's not an obituary. 1876 01:28:51,451 --> 01:28:55,121 No, I know. The editor said the same thing. 1877 01:28:55,204 --> 01:28:59,208 Ralph, I read it. It's the best thing you've ever written. 1878 01:29:01,377 --> 01:29:02,962 And besides, I wasn't about to give them 1879 01:29:03,046 --> 01:29:06,382 the lousy three sentences you scribbled on that notepad. 1880 01:29:06,466 --> 01:29:08,468 -[phone ringing] -Oh, I'll get it. 1881 01:29:10,553 --> 01:29:13,181 Hello? Yes. 1882 01:29:13,264 --> 01:29:14,682 Yes, he's here. 1883 01:29:14,766 --> 01:29:15,767 It's for you. 1884 01:29:15,850 --> 01:29:16,768 Who is it? 1885 01:29:16,851 --> 01:29:18,811 It's the editor from the paper. 1886 01:29:25,234 --> 01:29:26,235 Hello? 1887 01:29:27,361 --> 01:29:28,279 Uh-huh. 1888 01:29:29,072 --> 01:29:30,156 Yes. 1889 01:29:30,239 --> 01:29:32,742 Yes, I do. All right. 1890 01:29:34,368 --> 01:29:36,579 Okay. Mm-hm. 1891 01:29:39,373 --> 01:29:40,458 Thank you. 1892 01:29:46,422 --> 01:29:48,591 Well, what did he say? 1893 01:29:51,511 --> 01:29:54,263 He wants to know if I have more stories. 1894 01:29:59,185 --> 01:30:00,353 Ralph... 1895 01:30:01,562 --> 01:30:03,064 You did it. 1896 01:30:03,147 --> 01:30:05,233 I did it. I did it! 1897 01:30:05,316 --> 01:30:07,318 -[all laughing] -I did it. 1898 01:30:08,820 --> 01:30:11,030 I did. I actually did it! 1899 01:30:11,114 --> 01:30:13,991 I was a bona fide published writer! 1900 01:30:14,075 --> 01:30:15,409 And they wanted more! 1901 01:30:15,493 --> 01:30:18,621 -[indistinct chatter] -[knocking on door] 1902 01:30:18,704 --> 01:30:21,916 -I'll get it! -He also said it's gonna be syndicated. 1903 01:30:21,999 --> 01:30:23,334 -What? -What does that mean? 1904 01:30:23,417 --> 01:30:25,336 It means it's going in all the papers. 1905 01:30:25,419 --> 01:30:27,004 -Even in Chicago? -Yeah. 1906 01:30:27,088 --> 01:30:29,507 Come on. Let's go read it! 1907 01:30:29,590 --> 01:30:32,009 -Ralph. -[Julie] Wait for me! 1908 01:30:32,093 --> 01:30:34,387 -Thank you, honey. -Of course. 1909 01:30:34,470 --> 01:30:37,265 -[Mrs. Parker] Ralphie, you have visitors. -Go, go, go! 1910 01:30:37,348 --> 01:30:38,683 -Okay. Okay. -Go! 1911 01:30:38,766 --> 01:30:39,976 Who is it, Ma? 1912 01:30:40,059 --> 01:30:42,770 There he is! Hohman's own Ray Bradbury! 1913 01:30:42,854 --> 01:30:44,647 Oh, man! Good job. 1914 01:30:44,730 --> 01:30:47,733 -Hey! Yeah, good stuff, man. -Thanks, buddy. 1915 01:30:47,817 --> 01:30:48,985 Mom loved it. 1916 01:30:49,068 --> 01:30:50,653 -Had me read it to her twice. -Wow. 1917 01:30:50,736 --> 01:30:53,030 -Thanks for the story, Ralph. -Hey, Larry. 1918 01:30:53,114 --> 01:30:55,449 Great excuse to get out of the house. 1919 01:30:55,533 --> 01:30:56,617 -Yeah. -Oh, yeah. 1920 01:30:56,701 --> 01:30:59,036 How do you feel about casserole? 1921 01:30:59,120 --> 01:31:01,289 -I love it. -You must be hungry. 1922 01:31:01,372 --> 01:31:02,373 Casserole. 1923 01:31:02,456 --> 01:31:03,541 -Let's eat! -Come on. 1924 01:31:03,624 --> 01:31:05,877 Merry Christmas, everybody! 1925 01:31:05,960 --> 01:31:09,088 [Ralphie] As the word spread, it seemed like half the neighborhood showed up. 1926 01:31:09,172 --> 01:31:11,883 My mother welcomed them with open arms... 1927 01:31:11,966 --> 01:31:14,093 as long as they weren't carolers. 1928 01:31:14,177 --> 01:31:15,970 -You digging in? -Ralph. 1929 01:31:16,053 --> 01:31:17,138 [indistinct chatter] 1930 01:31:18,973 --> 01:31:20,850 -No, it's not true. -Officer Farkus... 1931 01:31:20,933 --> 01:31:22,393 Hey! What's all the fuss? 1932 01:31:22,476 --> 01:31:23,895 [all] Oh, Randy! 1933 01:31:24,770 --> 01:31:26,731 -Randy! -Mom! 1934 01:31:28,691 --> 01:31:30,151 Oh. 1935 01:31:30,234 --> 01:31:32,278 -Hey! Merry Christmas, big brother. -You made it. 1936 01:31:32,361 --> 01:31:34,572 Yeah. A cracker? 1937 01:31:34,655 --> 01:31:36,073 Mm-hm. 1938 01:31:36,157 --> 01:31:39,368 -[both] Uncle Randy! -Hey, runts! How are you doing? 1939 01:31:39,452 --> 01:31:41,078 Good to see you. Good to see you. 1940 01:31:41,162 --> 01:31:43,122 Hey, why don't you go check out that suitcase over there. 1941 01:31:43,206 --> 01:31:45,416 I picked up some gifts along the way. 1942 01:31:45,500 --> 01:31:46,709 -Sandy! -Randy! 1943 01:31:46,792 --> 01:31:49,086 -Hey. -Hey. Merry Christmas. 1944 01:31:49,170 --> 01:31:51,797 [gasps] It's the stuffed cat I wanted! 1945 01:31:51,881 --> 01:31:52,798 Oh. 1946 01:31:52,882 --> 01:31:55,259 Cool! A saber. 1947 01:31:55,343 --> 01:31:56,594 -Awesome! -Oh. 1948 01:31:56,677 --> 01:31:58,429 [Mrs. Parker] No, no, no. 1949 01:31:58,512 --> 01:32:00,598 [sniffs] What's that smell? 1950 01:32:00,681 --> 01:32:02,058 Casserole. Come on, let's eat. 1951 01:32:02,141 --> 01:32:03,434 -What, on Christmas? -Let's go. Go. 1952 01:32:03,518 --> 01:32:05,269 Come on. We need some dishes. 1953 01:32:05,353 --> 01:32:08,814 Extra chairs. Come on, everybody. Come on. 1954 01:32:08,898 --> 01:32:12,443 [Ralphie] Everyone gathered 'round, rolled up their sleeves, 1955 01:32:12,527 --> 01:32:14,320 and loosened their belts a notch. 1956 01:32:14,403 --> 01:32:17,281 Those casseroles didn't stand a chance. 1957 01:32:17,365 --> 01:32:20,660 Not with the bottomless pit known as... 1958 01:32:21,536 --> 01:32:23,788 good ol' Larry Novak. 1959 01:32:34,799 --> 01:32:35,591 Yeah! 1960 01:32:35,675 --> 01:32:37,134 [all cheering] 1961 01:32:37,218 --> 01:32:40,972 Turkey! Turkey's ready! Make room for the turkey! 1962 01:32:41,055 --> 01:32:42,223 [Mark] Finally! 1963 01:32:42,306 --> 01:32:44,767 Here we go. All right. 1964 01:32:44,850 --> 01:32:47,103 [Ralphie] When I tallied up the final scorecard, 1965 01:32:47,186 --> 01:32:50,147 it was hardly the perfect holiday I'd imagined. 1966 01:32:50,231 --> 01:32:52,024 My wife on crutches, 1967 01:32:52,108 --> 01:32:53,734 broken arm for my son, 1968 01:32:53,818 --> 01:32:55,945 my daughter nearly blinded, 1969 01:32:56,028 --> 01:32:57,405 stolen gifts, 1970 01:32:57,488 --> 01:32:59,532 and my book flopped. 1971 01:32:59,615 --> 01:33:03,119 But somehow, beyond the scope of probability, 1972 01:33:03,202 --> 01:33:05,997 through all the headaches and heartaches, 1973 01:33:06,080 --> 01:33:08,582 the house was filled with life, 1974 01:33:08,666 --> 01:33:09,959 laughter, 1975 01:33:10,042 --> 01:33:12,086 and love once again. 1976 01:33:13,212 --> 01:33:15,298 The old man would be proud. 1977 01:33:16,590 --> 01:33:18,467 [radio tuning, turns off] 1978 01:33:19,135 --> 01:33:20,136 [chuckles] 1979 01:33:21,345 --> 01:33:22,805 Hot damn, Ralph! 1980 01:33:22,888 --> 01:33:24,348 You did it. 1981 01:33:24,432 --> 01:33:26,017 [chuckles] 1982 01:33:26,100 --> 01:33:27,268 [Ralphie] Mom, what'd you think? 1983 01:33:27,351 --> 01:33:28,853 Oh, I haven't read it yet. 1984 01:33:28,936 --> 01:33:30,187 -What? -No. 1985 01:33:30,271 --> 01:33:33,190 I wanted to hear it from my son, the writer. 1986 01:33:33,274 --> 01:33:34,692 Yeah, Dad. Read it. 1987 01:33:34,775 --> 01:33:35,818 [Sandy] Yeah. 1988 01:33:37,320 --> 01:33:38,362 [chuckles] 1989 01:33:38,446 --> 01:33:39,905 Come here. 1990 01:33:39,989 --> 01:33:41,365 Come here. 1991 01:33:52,626 --> 01:33:53,836 [clears throat] 1992 01:33:55,212 --> 01:33:57,548 "My Old Man. 1993 01:33:57,631 --> 01:34:00,760 My old man didn't just celebrate Christmas, 1994 01:34:00,843 --> 01:34:02,261 he indulged in it. 1995 01:34:02,345 --> 01:34:04,388 Brought it to life for his family. 1996 01:34:06,974 --> 01:34:10,353 One Christmas in particular stood out as the gold standard. 1997 01:34:10,436 --> 01:34:14,065 And it all started back in the good old house on Cleveland Street. 1998 01:34:16,650 --> 01:34:18,944 Christmas was on its way... 1999 01:34:19,028 --> 01:34:21,530 lovely, glorious, beautiful Christmas 2000 01:34:21,614 --> 01:34:24,492 around which the entire kid year revolved. 2001 01:34:26,327 --> 01:34:30,039 Downtown Hohman was prepared for its annual bacchanalia 2002 01:34:30,122 --> 01:34:33,376 of peace on Earth and good will to men. 2003 01:34:35,169 --> 01:34:37,380 But more importantly, to one boy, 2004 01:34:37,463 --> 01:34:40,341 his quest to acquire the most coveted gift 2005 01:34:40,424 --> 01:34:42,593 a nine-year-old could hope for... 2006 01:34:43,344 --> 01:34:45,054 The Holy Grail" 2007 01:34:45,137 --> 01:34:46,764 [young Ralphie] ...Holy Grail of Christmas gifts. 2008 01:34:46,847 --> 01:34:49,892 The Red Ryder, 200 shot, 2009 01:34:49,975 --> 01:34:52,311 range model air rifle.