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Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
as the evidence has shown,
my client is innocent...
but someone is responsible
for the crimes that were committed,
and that someone...
is in this very courtroom.
Order! Order!
A warning, counselor.
Watch the antics,
or I will hold you in contempt.
That's funny.
I could say the same thing to you,
because your days of riding the bench are over.
Gentlemen?
Get away from me.
What are you... You're not allowed to...
I'm a judge!
This isn't the last you'll hear from me,
Clint Handsome.
You won't get away with this.
Let go!
I beg to differ.
This is the Big Apple,
and justice just took a bite out of you.
Cut! Tail slate!
Happy holidays, everyone!
Marker 4 kilo, take 810 tail 1A.
Hey, welcome home, buddy!
Aah!
-Hi, babe. -Hi.
That was awesome.
Thank you!
How was the trip?
It was dynamite.
My dad taught me how to play pool and poker.
Dynamite.
Mm-hmm.
Can I go check out craft services?
Um...
Please.
They have, like, every kind of Cheez-it.
Right, Mike?
They do.
Well, if they have every kind of Cheez-it...
Thanks, Mom.
I love coming here.
It's really cool.
Thanks.
Pool and poker, huh?
Yup,
and I think he also rode a motorcycle.
Sounds like a successful father/son trip.
Yeah. It was.
It's just, like,
the second I picked him up from the airport,
he was like "Dad's coming to New York!"
Well, that'd be great, right?
If it was actually gonna happen.
Zane just says things without thinking them through.
I'm sorry. That's hard.
Yeah, well...
Hey, you know what's not hard?
Hiatus.
Oh, I honestly could not be any more excited
about hiatus...
unless, of course, you wanted to reconsider...
Don't say it.
The Christmas House.
Andi, please, I can't.
I just wanna have a nice quiet break.
No expectations, no hoopla.
No production, no epic disaster.
What are the chances of that happening twice?
Okay, so here is what happened.
Last year, I was trying to out-do
The Christmas House to end all Christmas Houses
from the year before...
Which is really a set-up to fail.
...and I decided we needed a big Santa
with reindeer and a sled on the roof.
Not like a paper sled.
No. A sled-sled.
Not like a paper Santa.
No. A real live Santa.
Not paper reindeer.
No, they were made of solid iron,
hand-crafted by an Austrian artist named Vlad.
Vlad.
That's really where I went overboard.
I think the roof was in need of repair anyway,
so...
you know, the whole thing kind of just fast-tracked us.
But then there was my mother's house.
It was kind of a domino effect.
Right into her living room.
No one got hurt.
It was a Christmas miracle.
All I want is time together, you, me, and Noah.
And your parents.
We will see them on Christmas, of course.
And your brother and Jake and the kids.
Yeah, but they'll be next door.
That is still the plan, right?
Last I heard, she is sailing the Caribbean.
Hey, are you sad your mom won't be with us for Christmas?
No, I'm not sad.
I'm happy for her.
She's in love,
and that is the best feeling in the world.
Yeah.
Come on.
Come on, Noah!
You get enough at Crafty, buddy?
Oh, yeah.
Those Cheez-its were amazing.
Mike! Mike!
Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike.
Whatever it is, let's talk in January.
I'm on hiatus.
No, I realize that, but--
Kathleen. Vacation.
It is awesome. You should try it.
Deck Those Halls!
-You're in! -Deck whose halls?
-Are you serious? -Mike, come on!
What?
It's that holiday show
where they, like, get two celebrities,
make them decorate their houses and all that stuff,
and then Macie Stevens,
-who Mom loves... -Who I love!
Oh.
...picks the winner!
On live television.
On Christmas Eve.
Huge ratings. Huge!
And they want you, Mike.
Well, they didn't want you at first,
I'll be honest, I really had to push,
but when I told them
Mike Mitchell is the King of Christmas--
You said what?
They couldn't resist!
This is so big for us!
All the promotional materials,
all the fans,
and you just have to do your... your thing.
What thing?
The Christmas House thing.
The Christmas House is retired.
You're going up against Finn Rockland
from Brooklyn Medical.
The guy with the abs?
Keep it together, Cruz.
Like yours. You have abs.
Yeah. Well, thank you for the offer, Kathleen,
even though I know it is entirely self-serving,
but it's a pass.
Mike, come on, it's one week.
Would we all be on TV?
Absolutely,
and can I just say, the camera would love you.
Okay.
Winner gets a trophy.
You love trophies...
I do love a trophy...
but...
have a nice holiday, Kathleen.
Mike...
Don't worry. I'll work on him.
Thank you.
♪ Old Mr. Kringle ♪
♪ Is soon gonna jingle ♪
♪ The bells that'll tingle ♪
♪ All your troubles away ♪
♪ Everybody's waiting for the man with the bag ♪
♪ 'Cause Christmas is coming again ♪
♪ He's got a sleigh full ♪
♪ It's not gonna stay full ♪
♪ He's got stuff to drop ♪
♪ At every stop of the way ♪
♪ Everybody's waiting for the man with the bag ♪
♪ 'Cause Christmas is coming again ♪
♪ He'll be here ♪
♪ With the answer to the prayers ♪
♪ That you've made through the year ♪
Each one is more exquisite than the next.
Aren't you...
I am.
But this isn't the magic shop.
Oh, magic is everywhere, my friend.
The moment has arrived?
I think so.
I want to ask her over Christmas.
It's kind of our time.
You know, I have been in here a lot.
How come I've never seen you before?
I go where I'm needed.
Huh.
Well, how do you pick a ring that says
I almost had you,
but then I lost you,
but then I re-found you,
and now I never want to let you go?
I know just the one.
Wow.
That looks just like this necklace I gave her.
I was going to give it to her when we were teenagers, but...
she never takes it off.
Mike?
Hey... hey, you. Hi.
Hi. I was just walking past, and I saw you.
I was, um...
my Mom had a re-sizing thing that I needed...
Uh...
What?
Nothing.
Oh, I was just heading to lunch.
You wanna join?
Yeah. Yeah.
Are you sure my Dad said spot 15?
50.
Are you saying 15, or are you saying or 50?
Hey, you have the diaper bag, right?
Because it's not down here.
Yeah.
Ah, found it!
Nicely done, Bylis.
What?
No, we're not doing that.
We're not smooshing their names.
I can ship your parents if I want to.
They're letting us use their brand-new car
when they know we're gonna return it to them
smelling like spit-up and dirty diapers.
All right.
We're running behind schedule.
We need to load up, hit the market,
and I've still got an order to pick up at the wine shop.
You know your family loves you
whether or not you cook them a four-course meal, right?
But they love me more when I cook.
Yeah, but they don't,
so let's not go overboard with preparations.
Babe, when was the last time I went overboard with anything?
All I'm saying is your family goes big
so we that don't have to.
We just get to show up.
I know.
I just don't want this Christmas
to be about my parents, or Mike.
We gotta make it special for our kids.
And it will be.
I just want to make sure that we're enjoying ourselves,
so don't get stressed.
Who's stressed? I'm not stressed.
Nobody's stressed.
It's gonna be great.
Hit the button.
See?
Best Christmas ever.
Brandon, those smell so good.
I'm naming this one after you.
It's the Ham-some Justice panini.
I plan on eating so much while you're here
that I won't fit in my wardrobe when I go back,
so maybe they'll rename the character
after your sandwich.
Clint Hamsome.
Hamsome Justice, NYC.
Oh!
So I realized she'll eat eggs
if I mix them in with mashed potatoes,
but on their own, she won't touch them.
Oh, well, Noah, for the first year,
he didn't eat green peas without grape jelly.
Ugh.
Billie also loves pears with ketchup.
Oh!
She does?
Yeah, it's a new one.
Oh, yeah!
Hi! Ho ho ho!
We're back! Look out!
-Look who's back! -Hi!
Hi, honey!
-Hi! -Look at her!
Oh, my gosh! Look how big they've gotten!
They're so big!
How was Bora Bora?
It was fantastic.
Our hut had a glass floor so we could see the fish.
Oh, yeah, we went kayaking and snorkeling.
Yeah, and we swam at sunset in the ocean.
Wait, I thought you guys were coming back last week.
Well, we were. We were going to,
but we were having so much fun,
we extended the vacation.
What about your holiday preparations?
Oh, I thought I told you guys,
we're going to go low-key this year.
When you say low-key...?
I mean that beautiful tree in our living room,
I'm gonna put a star on top of it,
presents underneath, and call it a day.
That's not a tree, Mom.
That's a fern.
Well, what are you guys doing?
I think we'll just hang out, us and the kids.
Yeah, same here.
Uh, Mike...
What?
We should all be together on Christmas,
don't you think?
I mean, we barely see these guys as it is.
Well, how is that my fault?
I know that last year was a little...
traumatic.
-Embarrassing. -Upsetting.
-Humiliating. -Okay.
But that house,
that's where we always celebrate Christmas.
Just because he owns the house doesn't mean he has to host us.
He's not Santa Claus.
Well, Kathleen did say he's the King of Christmas.
I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.
She wasn't being serious.
She was just saying that to try to get me
to do something that I don't want to do.
Okay, Mike,
don't you think we should all discuss this together?
-No. -Come on.
It's such a cool idea.
It could be so much fun,
and, I mean, Macie Stevens...
Macie Stevens?
You guys. Not happening.
Wait a minute, hold on.
Am I missing something?
What is not happening?
You know that show, Deck Those Halls?
Yeah.
They want Mike to do it this year!
It would be him against some guy with, like, abs!
Finn Rockland.
Yup.
And we'd all get to be on TV!
Well, we're pretty booked up.
We do have our theatre commitments.
Who does?
Your mother and I.
We're doing the holiday play.
It's a world premiere of You Sleigh Me.
Pretty interesting stuff.
We're co-supporting leads.
That's not a thing.
No, it's... it's a thing.
It's not a thing.
Well, we do have a lot of lines to learn,
but I'm sure we could find some time.
It's Deck Those Halls!
And Macie Stevens!
If she's gonna be here,
well, I have to make sure everything is top-notch.
Mom, Macie Stevens isn't gonna be here
'cause it's not happening.
Um, as much fun as it sounds
to be little elves
in the background of the Mike show...
It's not the Mike show.
This is our family's Christmas.
First one as a family of four.
It's kind of a big deal, so...
sorry, but no. Right?
I mean, honey, I'm an architect.
How can I not pitch in?
Oh, come on.
Is this about Finn Rockland and his abs?
No.
This is about you guys.
It would be nice to see you working on the same team.
That's something that I would love our kids to see,
so... I'm in.
Okay, fine.
But everyone has to wear t-shirts with my bakery logo,
and face the cameras as much as possible.
And I'm, like, all the way in!
And we already know that I am,
so it's really just you, Mike.
No. No.
Are you in?
Maybe this... will help.
Wow.
You just happen
to have The Christmas House whistle in your pocket, huh?
Thought you might need it...
for motivational purposes.
Huh.
You know, I entrusted this whistle to you
for a reason.
That's my boy!
Well, I mean, everyone loves an archway.
Oh, Kathleen is probably going to want
to interview all of us.
Well, what are we supposed to talk about?
Uh, Christmas traditions, decorations,
why I'm your favorite son...
But Bill, you know that you can get long-winded,
so you've got to focus, all right?
We are in this to win it...
because we have a family legacy to protect!
Yes.
Mom's right...
and we got one week to do it, gang.
So what are we thinking?
The indoor-outdoor Polar Bear Express of '99?
No, no, I'm still feeling that in my L5-S1.
Okay, that's a hard pass from Dad.
We could go for
the Rudolph the Red Nose Romper Room of '95.
Ooh, classic.
Or you could just create something new.
Just... poof. Out of thin air?
You are Majestic Mike.
Ooh!
Majestic Mike!
We have a huge problem.
Really? You just got here.
Finn is out. Ski accident, broken ankle.
It's kind of ironic.
On TV, he played a medic. In real life, he needed one.
Life is funny.
Yeah. So is the show canceled?
That is a terrible, terrible word, Mike,
and I never want to hear it come out of your mouth again.
We're on...
just as soon as yours truly
comes up with a brilliant idea to save the day.
I've got calls out to Becca Barrett
from Port Authority PD,
and Rory Jackson from Yesterday's Tomorrows.
Now, while we're waiting,
why don't you introduce me to the rest of the cast?
I mean, family.
Family, right.
Kathleen, this is my brother, Brandon.
Ah, I can see the resemblance.
Handsome runs in the family.
Aww. I like her.
And this is Billie,
our newest addition to the family.
I thought I'd get a head start
on Christmas decoration organization,
but it appears you already know where everything is.
Yeah.
Order has always been, like, a hobby for Mike,
even when we were little kids.
He'd run up and down the street
to all the mailboxes,
organizing people's mail by size and color.
I think touching other people's mail is illegal, right?
Not touching. Sorting.
Also illegal.
Well, maybe I wouldn't have been so uptight
if you weren't so chaotic.
See, Brandon here used to wake up in the middle of the night
and steal everyone's bedding,
so you would just wake up confused and freezing,
and sure enough, there'd be Brandon,
asleep on the kitchen floor with everyone's sheets.
It's called sleepwalking, and I grew out of it.
Were you sleepwalking
when you drew a mustache on my face
in permanent marker?
The night before seventh-grade pictures?
No, I was awake for that one.
Yeah, no.
I hope you grow up
to sleepwalk with a permanent marker.
And if you do,
I'm going to draw you a map
so you can sleepwalk yourself over to your Uncle Mike's house.
You guys are hilarious.
You guys!
Problem solved?
Solved...how?
Brother versus brother.
Handsome Justice NYC star Mike Mitchell
competing against his brother,
who's a... what do you do again?
I own a bakery in Colorado.
A baker!
Deck Those Halls,
A Very... Handsome Christmas!
Uh, isn't the whole point to have two... stars
going head to head?
No, this is better.
We don't have to share the spotlight
with another show,
and you're both experts in The Christmas House,
and he's staying next door!
It's perfect.
And, think about it...
everyone loves a rivalry between brothers.
Cain and Abel. Scar and Mufasa.
Matt and Ben.
They're not brothers.
They might as well be. And, of course, you'll win.
No offense, but he's organized people's mail,
and he's Clint Handsome,
and the King of Christmas.
Just because he bought the house
doesn't make him the rightful heir!
Dude, she's kidding about the King of Christmas thing.
I'm not kidding.
Okay, maybe she's not kidding, but she should be.
I'll do it.
No, Brandon, I'm gonna save you from yourself.
We're not doing a brother-off on live television.
Scared?
Yeah, ooh, terrified.
Then what's the problem?
Well, for starters,
we don't have enough people or supplies
to do two houses in less than a week.
We'll hire more PAs,
ship in supplies,
contact prop houses.
Yeah, you can use all the old-school decorations.
I think... I think I'm going to go fresh and modern.
-Yes. -In a week?
This sort of down-to-the-wire drama
is what makes for good TV.
And, Mike, if we don't do it, they'll just hire other stars.
All that promotion... out the window.
You really want to do this?
Why not?
The Christmas House isn't a Mike thing.
It's a Mitchell thing.
Plus, it'd great publicity for my bakery,
and the chance to trounce you on national TV.
It's pretty much a win-win.... win.
Okay, well, there is one win you're not gonna win,
and that's the most important win,
the one that comes with a trophy.
Trophy.
So we're doing it.
Enough.
Okay.
And here we go, and camera. When you're ready, Mike.
Set.
My parents started The Christmas House
when we were little kids,
and, uh, let me tell you, it... it was magical.
You know, like, what kid
wouldn't want to spend every day of the Christmas season
in a holiday wonderland?
You know, there is nothing
like seeing the look on someone's face
when they see the dancing polar bears
for the first time,
or all of the electric trains,
and now, I guess there's going to be two Christmas Houses,
right next door to each other.
How about that?
Double the Christmas...
double the... fun!
So fun.
Ah, yes.
I'll be taking this.
These are mine.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, guy. Those are my Santas.
They don't have your name on them, so, no.
Oh, okay.
All right.
Ooh, these are my penguins now.
Um, those actually do have my name on them.
Look.
Remember 1993?
Mike set Brandon's stocking on fire?
That was a mistake.
It was, huh?
No, no, no, no. You're not taking my wreath.
-I don't see you name on them. -Put those back.
Maybe you better get in there.
Are you kidding? A guy could get hurt.
Put 'em back. Put 'em back!
Maybe I should get the hose.
We need to go shopping.
Would you guys be okay
with getting the kids up from their naps?
And play with our grandchildren?
-Twist our arms. -Yeah.
Thank you.
This is why I ship Bylis.
Is "Bylis" a thing now?
-Absolutely not. -No.
It's a thing.
Guard these with Dad's life.
I think we just got our own hashtag.
Ooh.
Ow!
He has no idea how badly I'm going to deck his halls.
There's a Christmas sentiment I've never heard before.
Go, go, go, go, go!
Aah!
Yes! Yes! We got the trees!
No! Sorry. So sorry.
These are ours.
Santa... drop!
My 12-year-old
has never been as competitive as Mike and Brandon.
I'm sorry. I'm talking about his husband.
No, please.
My two-year-old has never been so emotional.
And your baby has definitely never been as exhausting.
No, not even close.
We've reached new lows here
at the Mitchell Family Christmas House.
Day One.
17, 18, 19 Santas!
Oh, come on.
We're doing good!
Hi, these were in my cart, you little thief.
-Uh, actually, no, they weren't. -Yes, they were.
Thief? Where's your holiday spirit, bro?
Really?
What a terrible way to start the Christmas season.
It's not my fault. You're being terrible.
I come bearing reinforcements.
Consider them your elves.
Can I say that? Is that offensive?
What's in the box?
Understated.
Hey, you want to hold it?
It might be your last chance.
Okay, you two with Brandon, and you two with Mike.
Oh!
Right on time.
The King of Christmas gets his trees...
delivered!
Work smarter, not harder.
You'll be fine.
Mom!
So, we drew straws for our parents,
and I got Dad,
which is... it's great.
It's great, yeah.
I'm super happy about it.
He's so not happy.
Who got Mom?
I got Mom!
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the... ♪
♪ Way ♪
♪ Oh, what fun ♪
Hey, Mom?
What do you think about this one?
Oh, I think she's perfect.
I'm talking about the tree-topper.
I'm looking for one with the most dramatic impact.
The theme of my Christmas House
is Rockefeller Center
meets the Gingerbread House of your dreams.
Look at this. Did you see this one?
Or I could just get a pear tree
and stick a partridge in it.
Hmm?
Oh, honey, I'm sure whatever you choose
will be a show-stopper.
I hope you remember
this is supposed to be fun, right?
What happened to "in it to win it"?
Oh, we're going to win.
I just said "have fun."
You know how to have fun, don't you?
Yes, you do. Yes, you do.
Blows my mind.
A month ago,
she couldn't even hold her head up.
Now she can hold her own bottle.
Yeah, the days are long, but the years are short.
You've got to enjoy every stage while you can,
You want to go in here?
Okay. Mm-hmm.
How are you doing?
Huh?
Going from one to two, that's a big change.
Would you believe me if I said too blessed to be stressed?
Probably not.
It's a lot...
you know, and I don't want to miss anything.
Jake works from home,
so he's around more,
but, you know,
he's just generally a more balanced person than I am.
Balance. That's an excellent quality...
and so is passion.
You love what you do.
Now, when you love your job and you love your family,
all you really want are more hours in a day, right?
I think Jake would tell you
that I could spend the hours that I do have at home
more wisely,
that sometimes, I tend to get a little--
Obsessive?
I was gonna say focused,
but sure.
It's hard.
Nobody does it perfectly.
That whole "it takes a village" thing,
yeah,
which is why I wish you lived closer,
because I could just pop in.
I could help with the kids and I could help at the bakery,
and I'm not trying to pressure you.
I just wish that we could help more.
We're good, Mom.
Thank you, though.
I know you are.
You guys are great partners...
and you're great parents.
I'm not worried about you.
But this one...
needs a diaper change, dontcha? Mm-hmm.
I'm just happy you're happy.
Okay, well, don't get lost. Call me.
And check in.
Okay. Te amo. Ciao.
What are you doing here?
I missed you.
Also, I thought you might be hungry.
Starving. Thank you.
I'm surprised you could get away.
Yeah, you would not believe how good those PAs are...
and they're working on the roof right now,
and given what happened
the last time I orchestrated roof decor,
I thought it better I sit this part out.
That's a good idea.
Yeah.
Well, get this.
I just got off the phone with my mom.
She wants to sell her house.
No way.
My mother, moving away from her--
-Family. -Kitchen.
I mean, if that doesn't prove that love conquers all...
I love that you never take that off.
Well, it took you long enough to give it to me.
The only way it's coming off
is if some other special piece comes on,
and then, maybe, maybe I will take it off,
put it in a frame on the wall.
Uh-huh?
Yeah, I should get going.
Uh...
What?
Nothing.
I don't know what you think you know,
but you don't know what you don't know.
You know?
I don't know.
What are you doing?
Do you think Mike will notice if I take this?
Uh, is this the part where I remind you
'tis the season not to poach decorations from your brother
and to not take a reality-show competition
too seriously?
Uh, it's not poaching if it's family property,
and I'm not taking it too seriously.
I'm taking it just the right amount of seriously
for hashtag: Team Brandon to win.
Oh, we're Team Brandon now?
Hashtag: Team Brandon.
You're all getting little buttons.
Oof! I could really use some help with these lights.
Man, oh, man, they are so tangled.
Ugh! I wish I knew someone
with the nimble hands and dexterity
of a prolific gamer/ trained magician.
Subtle.
Houston, we've made contact.
Seriously, though, I could use your help.
So, I was thinking,
what if we brought back our magic act?
A one-night-only performance out back?
Majestic Mike
and Noah the Nimble take the stage again?
I'm pretty rusty, so...
Oh, that's what rehearsals are for.
It'll all come back.
It's like riding a bike.
No offense, Mike, but...
magic is kind of for little kids.
Oh.
I'm not really into it anymore.
So, what are you into?
Like, pool and poker and stuff like that.
Right.
Done.
Wow, how did you do that so fast?
Noah the Nimble.
So, I went back to the shop,
and the guy wasn't there,
and the woman that was had never even seen the ring.
I don't know. I feel like I dreamt it.
It's weird, right?
No, what's weird
is you have not yet popped the question.
What are you waiting for?
I've got a lot of stuff to figure out.
The when, the how...
You know, when I proposed to your Mom,
we didn't have anything.
We didn't have rings for years,
and yet, those were some of the happiest years of our lives.
Yeah, I know.
I just...
I want the proposal
to feel like it lives up to the rest of it all,
you know?
Like, our second chances.
Our near misses.
Ah, the magic act, huh?
Silly, right?
No, no, it's not silly at all.
When two people create a relationship,
they become a third thing.
You don't give yourself up,
but the two of you hopefully create something new,
and that creation has its own perfect energy,
and yours and Andi's is magical.
You know?
-Thanks, Dad. -As a matter of fact,
is there any more romantic time
than the holidays?
I don't think so.
You know, you and your brother
were actually conceived between Christmas and New Years.
Wow. Let me stop you right there.
You were New Years, I believe,
but I can't remember
whether it was before or after the ball dropped.
-Please stop talking. -TMI?
-Yeah. -Okay.
Mike, I want to get some footage
of the whole gang at the Christmas carnival.
Sure.
Great.
My Dad has this exact same one.
He was showing me how to use it.
It is so cool when you, like, film underwater stuff with it.
Hey, Noah!
I know magic's not your thing anymore,
but what are your feelings on carnivals?
Yeah, I like carnivals.
Yeah, I can photoshop this one.
I think they're perfect the way they are.
There's literally spit flying out of my mouth
in this one. Look.
Well, it accurately captured the moment.
Yeah, but is this the memory we want?
I happen to love our imperfections,
and these photos are gonna be hilarious one day.
I just want one of us looking cute and happy.
How we look is not the issue.
It's how we feel.
Do we feel cute and happy?
We don't smell cute and happy.
Yeah, as far as foods on a stick go,
there's just no topping the corn dog.
Yeah, I mean, they sound delicious.
I'm really excited to try them.
You're gonna love them.
Oh, well, well.
Ah. Wanna play?
Sure. Wager?
Winner gets the title "King of Christmas."
Why would anyone want to be the King of Christmas?
Says the King of Christmas.
I can't help it
if other people see me as royalty.
Oh, gross.
Okay, yep, that's our cue.
Let's go find Grandma and Grandpa.
Then how are they going to see me
wipe the floor with his face?
Go ahead.
Back up.
-Okay. -Give me some space.
I'm backed up.
Mm.
Oh!
Zero, zero, zero, zero.
-Oh! -Oh.
-Go. -Okay. I'm up. I'm up.
-Yes! Ha ha! -All right, yeah.
Oh!
-Wait, then... -Uh, it's a tie.
Huh.
-Darts? -Yeah.
Ooh...
-You're gonna break... -Told you.
Wow.
Ha ha!
Well, two apiece.
You guys need a tie-breaker.
Ice maze.
All right, here it is.
Whoever completes the maze in the fastest time
wins.
You go first.
Age before beauty.
Older and wiser.
Noah, time me.
On your mark...
get set...
go!
Where's Brandon?
In the maze.
You guys think you'll ever outgrow this?
No.
16 seconds.
Beat that!
Okay, Mike.
On your mark...
get set...
go!
Hunh!
Oof!
Oh!
Come on. Come on.
Oh.
Mike, this is my dad.
Hi. Zane.
Hi.
You're Noah's... dad.
You're here!
Uh, I'm... I'm Mike.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I've heard a lot about you.
Likewise.
How did you know--
Oh, I stopped by the house.
One of the crew guys said you were all here.
Thought I'd surprise Noah.
Dad could come to dinner, right, Mike?
I want to show him my room.
Of course.
Dad, let's go play whac-a-snowman.
It's so fun.
Okay.
Mike, dynamite to meet you, mate.
Yeah.
Dynamite.
Cut.
That was great. Just great.
A real-life soap opera.
Ooh! The audience is going to love this.
Yes! Yes!
Are you okay?
Did you know he was coming?
I did not.
A hair tighter.
Bbbbba. Bbbbba.
...distinctly hard to say but harder still to do.
Bee ba boo, bee ba bee...
Right into the lens, right?
-Right into the lens. -Okay.
Let me see.
Yeah, you're good. You're good.
-Okay. -Thank you.
I wish I had her every day.
We first did The Christmas House
in 1993, I think.
Mm-hmm. The boys were little,
and there was so much snow on the ground
that they were trapped inside.
So as an indoor activity,
we decided to decorate one room, but go all out.
We took out all the furniture,
and we made Santa's Workshop.
Yeah, they loved it so much
that we did it again the next year,
and we added another room,
and before you know it, we were doing the whole house.
-The whole house. -The whole house.
It was so much fun.
So much fun.
Almost as much fun as You Sleigh Me,
at the Halfway Broadway Playhouse,
right here in town.
Tickets are on sale now.
It's really, really pretty good.
That's your phone.
-Oh. -Sorry.
Oh. It's Mike.
-Hello? - Whatcha doing, Dad?
Nothing.
What, Mom? No.
Oh, my god. That's my phone.
-Mom who? -I'm so sorry.
I'm... I'm really sorry.
I don't know where it is.
Oh, thank you.
Wow, you guys are so good.
Brandon.
Mom, are you selling our secrets?
Why can I hear you?
I'm not even mad.
I'm just disappointed.
What does Santa post on his Instagram?
I don't know. What?
Elfies.
Oh, Bill!
So, Zane, where are you staying while you're in town?
Well, I've got a rental for now,
but I'm looking for a place in the city.
Oh! Looking for a place, like...
To live. Yeah.
You're in finance, right?
Uh, commodities trading, yeah.
My focus these days is energy futures,
so, you know, natural gas, solar power, wind.
Personally, I think ETFs
are a safer investment than stocks,
and a solid alternative to mutual funds.
I... totally agree.
Huh.
So, how many countries have you been to now, Dad?
Oh! Brrt...
I would have to say 158.
My old job involved a lot of travel, so...
-Oh. -Yeah.
Tell them about the shark.
Oh, no, no, no. No.
He loves this story.
So I'm in Australia overseeing a business deal,
and I'm free-diving off the Great Barrier Reef.
That's scuba diving without the tank, you know, so...
Anyway, I've been down there seven, eight minutes
by this point,
and out of nowhere,
I just see this blur just coming at me,
and instinct just took over.
I just reacted.
He punched it.
Yeah. It was a Great White.
A 20-footer.
You punched... a shark?
Yeah. Right in the snoot. Boo!
Who says "snoot"?
Anything I say like this is going to sound so great,
even though I'm making up words as I go along, mate.
No.
It swum away.
No big deal, really.
-Oh, there she is. -Thank God.
Hi, everyone.
Zane, a heads-up would have been nice.
Well, where's the fun in that?
Yeah, Mom. Where's the fun in that?
So I guess Noah wasn't wrong, then,
when he said his Dad was coming to New York.
Yeah, I guess not.
You okay?
Yeah, yeah. I'm just... I'm just a little worried.
Noah gets his hopes up when his dad does things like this.
Well, this is our home, you know.
We can set ground rules.
Yeah, I think I just, um, I need to talk to him.
He has a knack for showing up at the most stressful times,
and of course he would show up
when we have camera crews all over.
Kathleen was practically drooling.
Oh, no.
It's all right.
We'll play nice.
Hey, did he really punch a shark?
Who is this guy?
He's the guy that gave me Noah.
It's complicated, how to feel.
Yeah.
I have these times where I think about
how great it would have been
if we'd just gotten together when we were kids.
But then...
Noah.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
And Zane.
Hey...
we got this.
-Yeah. -I love you.
I love you, too.
Whoa.
Were you up all night?
I had this idea
to put licorice bows on one of the trees,
and then once I started, I just couldn't stop.
Plus, Billie woke up,
so I was with her half the night.
You need to get some sleep.
I had a dream I was being chased by giant candy canes.
And then that got me thinking, candy-cane cupcakes,
inspired by Macie Stevens' recipe.
All I need you to do
is whip up a little candy-cane runway
type of architectural thingy
that I can display my candy cane cupcakes on,
in a little candy-cane formation,
and I swear it's gonna win us the trophy.
Okay, babe,
I will make you a runway for your cupcakes,
but promise me that if you don't win this thing,
you don't let it ruin Christmas,
because it really doesn't matter to me or the kids.
I hope it matters a little bit.
I just want to make sure the reality of our lives
takes priority over this reality show.
Is that singing?
♪ A sleighing song tonight ♪
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪
What is this?
The Kris Kringle Krooners.
They want to sing at The Christmas House,
and they're going to get to make their television debut.
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪
Do they just keep singing? Is that it?
They just keep singing and singing?
Well done.
No, not well done.
Not at all.
Wait, those are your two PAs.
Who are these other two people?
Oh, those are some fans that live down the street
that just wanted to help out.
That is the great thing about this community.
People like to pitch in.
This is cheating.
You're cheating!
I want to see the rules.
Okay, you are literally married to an architect.
That should be against the rules.
You can't just use randos who show up on your front porch.
Okay, keep your voice down.
I will admit,
being Clint Handsome does have some perks.
All of them!
All of the perks!
You literally get all of the perks.
Okay, hey, listen.
This is why I didn't want to do this.
Oh, what, like I forced you?
You 100% forced me.
Gaah!
That is so...
that is so you!
That is exactly what you would say!
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Cut. Cut.
Come on, guys, give us a minute, please.
No, not a camera moment!
I was fatigued.
I just, uh...
I wish you'd given me some notice.
Well, I told Noah I was gonna be around more.
I figured he told you.
He did,
but given your track record...
I know, I know,
but I woke up and realized
I've let too much time go by being a plane ride away,
and I found a job that gets me closer, and I took it.
I never thought I'd do anything like that.
You know, put down roots...
but I don't want to miss any more of Noah's life.
That sounds great.
I want that to be true.
For Noah.
But what happens when you get bored?
Well, you have to let me try.
I mean, I am who I am, Andi,
but I really want to try.
Help me buy a place in the city.
You know, the commission you'll get
will be way bigger than you get around here.
Hey.
I didn't mean it like that.
Okay, maybe I did.
Well, I like it here.
It's home.
Of course.
I just want to be home to Noah, too.
So, do you think it's okay
that I just got everyone ornaments?
I think it's great.
Ornaments get used every year.
They stand the test of time.
Very under-rated gifts, if you ask me.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
Hey, uh...
I know you're not into magic anymore,
but the shop's right there,
and I want to see if someone's working.
Can we...?
Sure.
We could ask for his hours.
Uh, that's all right.
So, why do you want to find Marvelous Jim anyways?
I find big moments are easier while in costume.
Is this a big moment?
There is something I want to ask you,
and ask your mom.
Oh. You're going to propose. Right?
I'd like to, yes.
How do you feel about that?
I mean, we're already pretty much a family,
so... sure, why not?
Great.
Awesome. Wow.
Right on.
So when are you planning on asking her?
I don't know.
I want to find the perfect time.
I was thinking now, over the holidays,
but maybe I should give it a beat.
'Cause my dad's here?
Yeah. Which is great,
but maybe right now
while you guys are figuring out this new configuration,
I don't need to complicate things.
You're not complicating anything.
He's my dad, you're my... Mike.
I know we're in public,
and you might think it's really embarrassing,
but... can we hug?
Sure.
Nice.
Hey.
Your mom is leading the kids
in a rollicking game of patty-cake.
You want to tell me what's up?
It's just... everybody always rallies around him.
Drives me crazy.
Are you trying to win, or are you trying to beat Mike?
Both.
Brandon, you don't have anything to prove.
Oh, come on.
I'm Clint Handsome's brother.
And he's your brother.
Who cares?
Don't act like you don't get it.
We have to be better at everything,
career, marriage, parenting, all of it,
because the second we're not, the second,
you can just see the look on people's faces,
like, "Oh. Of course."
I'm not wrong.
Yeah, I'm not saying you're wrong.
I'm just saying, all those people,
their opinions,
they don't matter to me as much as yours,
and I wish they didn't matter to you as much as mine.
Because I love you,
you sweet, obsessive maniac.
I love you, too.
I still got plenty of real estate.
What do you think?
Smack in the center, off to the side?
I think off to the side would look good.
Yeah.
Maybe in like a corner like here?
This is going to be the best one yet.
-Dad! -Hey!
Hey, hey, hey.
So, this is the famous Christmas House, huh?
Zane.
Didn't know you were stopping by.
Well, I had to see what all the fuss is about.
Hmm.
I can give you a tour.
I have my own Christmas tree.
You don't, do you?
It's a family tradition.
Right.
Zane! Good, you made it.
Hi. Hi, yeah.
Well, I have a great idea.
Let's get some footage
of you guys talking about decorations.
Aw, I'm sure Zane isn't interested--
That sounds great.
Great. Great.
-Right there? -Yes.
-Okay. -Okay.
Next to, um...
Uh...
Okay.
Decorations.
Since we were kids, our family has gone all out
when it comes to Christmas decorations,
and a couple of years ago,
I decided to revive the tradition.
Interesting. Yeah. Interesting.
Yes.
Although have you ever been concerned
that by emphasizing the decorations,
you're actually underscoring
the materialism associated with the holiday?
Um...
You know, I remember one year,
I spent Christmas in the highlands of Peru
with the Quechuan people,
completely cut off from civilization.
You know, it really makes you think
about... what's important.
Okay, cut.
Gold. Pure gold.
-What? I-- -No, it's just what we needed.
-It's perfect. -Okay.
Dad, come on.
Let me give you the tour.
Uh, good to see you.
This is all really... cute.
Wow.
Oh, I would love to get some footage of you and Andi later,
talking about your reactions to having her ex-husband here.
What?
Maybe Noah, too?
You know, a lot of people
deal with this sort of thing at Christmas.
It will really help engage the audience.
We're not going to do that.
Why?
Okay, look, it's one thing to have all the cameras here
for The Christmas House of it all,
but this is my real life...
our real lives.
It's not just about entertaining an audience.
Please tell me you haven't forgotten that.
Mike...
Ooh. Does that snow need some fluffing, Dad?
It's feeling a little flat, am I right?
Got it. More fluff. Yes, sir.
I'm sorry. You know, just... we're down to the wire here.
Speaking of which, you know,
my show opens too pretty soon.
Right.
Yeah. Uh...
Is it... is it going well?
I think so,
but, listen, I was wondering,
um, if you might run some lines with me.
I have this one scene,
I'm just having the hardest time figuring it out,
and I thought maybe you could just help me out with it.
Yeah, of course.
Okay, uh, we'll start at the top.
You'll read Mrs. Kringle, and I'll read Kris Kringle,
Santa.
Right. Co-supporting leads.
Co-supporting leads. Right.
All right?
Uh, go for it.
Okay.
Honey, I'm covered in soot,
and now you're in the mood?
Dirty Santa is my favorite Santa.
What kind of play is this?
Mike, if you're gonna judge--
Not judging.
I don't judge the material on your show.
I've seen it. I mean, what kind of lawyer talks like that?
Okay, all right, you're right.
It's all make believe.
All about having fun...
Yeah, that's really it.
Just have fun.
When you have fun, they have fun.
And you know what?
That goes for this competition.
Don't forget to be having fun on this, too, okay?
Hey, I am not the competitive one.
All right?
Brandon's the one who's lost his mind.
It's like he's dying for a chance to embarrass me.
Mike, it can't be easy
to have a brother who has his own television show,
who bought the childhood home...
Dad...
I'm just asking to see yourself
from Brandon's perspective, okay?
-All right. -All right.
Ooh! I gotta take this.
Can I have my script back, please?
Yeah.
Guess I'll just fluff this myself.
Hi.
Hey! How's it going over there?
Oh, I need a break.
Or a mimosa.
Or a massage.
How about you?
Oh, my back is killing me.
Oh, honey.
Your back?
That sounds like train duty to me.
Hey, are you using me for intel?
I would never.
No fraternizing with the enemy!
Yeah, that's right! I got one, too!
Dad!
Step away from the hedge!
I was just...
No. Mom...
don't make me come over there!
Get in the house!
Double time, William Mitchell!
I think two Christmas Houses is better than one.
Oh. No.
No, we can cut that, right?
I don't want to give them any ideas.
Yeah, let's just cut that.
Cut it.
Am I doing this right?
Yes. That is the perfect size buñuelo.
My mother would be so proud of you right now.
Look at that!
Maybe it's Kathleen.
Oh.
How's that looking?
Ooh, that's great.
We can just pour it and let it sit,
and then in a few hours, boom,
we have a delicious natilla.
Pour a little cinnamon on top. Be perfect.
Holiday greetings!
Dad!
We're making natilla.
Oh, dynamite!
Is that buñuelo dough?
Zane, what are you doing here?
Well, Noah said you were making Elena's recipes,
so I couldn't resist.
Uh, well, you should have called.
We could have saved you some.
Oh, buñuelos are better when they're hot and fresh.
And they're Dad's favorite.
The oil looks like it's hot enough.
-Okay, Noah, are you ready? -Yep.
Uh, yeah, Mike was going to help him with those.
Oh.
Oh, sorry, mate.
Uh, no. It's... it's fine.
Go ahead.
Thanks, Mike.
Got some stuff to take care of.
Thanks for tonight.
It was really nice to have some family time,
instead of having dinner alone... again.
I, uh, I need you to give me a heads-up
next time you want to come by.
I want this whole co-parenting thing to work,
but we need a better system.
All right, Noah asked me to come.
You know, he clearly wanted me here.
Of course he did.
He'd prefer we'd all be together all the time,
but that's not realistic,
and I'm trying to give him realistic expectations.
I'm not going to start asking
for permission to see my own son.
Noah and I always accommodated to your schedule,
traveling nine months out of the year,
holidays all over the place.
I am glad that you have decided to make Noah a priority,
but what happens when you're done with New York?
Who said I'm gonna be done with New York?
You know, it almost feels like you want to keep us apart.
Oh, Zane, grow up.
All Noah wants is for us to get along
and make having divorced parents easier.
That's our job now.
That was a bit awkward.
Yeah.
Trying not to let it be, but...
Hey, can I ask you something?
Yeah.
When you proposed to Brandon,
how did you decide when to do it,
and how to do it?
Oh. Really?
Yeah.
Well, your brother was gonna ask me.
I didn't know that.
Oh, yeah.
A Brandon proposal was in the works.
So, subtle.
Exactly.
And I just thought, I'm going to cut him off at the pass.
He is gonna go so over the top,
but the most romantic part
is just realizing
you want to spend the rest of your lives together...
so I kept it simple.
I asked him out over take-out
on the three-year anniversary of our first date.
Efficient.
Yeah.
Wait, would you consider your first date--?
Christmas. Yeah.
Talk about a way of swooping in and winning this thing.
Do not tell your brother I said that,
'cause then Christmas will be the date of your engagement
and the date of my divorce.
Thanks, Jake.
Any time.
-Hey. -Hey.
You okay?
I'm great.
Oh, thank you.
This is our time of year.
Nothing's gonna change that.
Not even my entitled ex?
Especially your entitled ex.
Although it is definitely my turn
to make buñuelos next year.
Buñuelos.
Hmm.
I just pray that the rest of the holidays
are as low-key as possible.
With a little sprinkling of magic.
Yeah, I mean, sure...
but mostly, I'm just praying for chill.
No more changes.
No more drama.
No more surprises.
A proposal is technically a surprise, right?
We are approaching the finish line.
This is when we kick this sleigh into high gear,
we knock down Mr. Snowman,
and we drive this baby home!
Did we win?
What? No. Not yet.
They both down?
Judy Garland works every time.
Do you think we have enough presents?
You're joking.
What if Billie doesn't like her wagon?
It's yellow. Is she into yellow?
She'll probably love the box it came in more.
How are you so Zen about this?
It's called coming from a big family.
The holidays were never about gifts,
because there weren't that many.
It was about singing carols the night before
and making breakfast together on Christmas morning.
As long as we were all together, it felt like Christmas.
It's not about the toys,
or the spectacle, or a trophy.
You could do the entire Christmas House
with twigs and toothpicks,
and the kids would think it's the coolest thing ever.
Toothpicks.
Interesting.
Brandon, hey...
you know the thing our kids are going to remember
about this time of year
is when both of their dads took time off of work
to be together.
Macie Stevens will arrive at six.
We'll film her walk-though of each house,
inside and out.
You guys will be staged across the street
so we can see both houses,
Mike with Andi and Noah,
and Brandon with Jake and the kids.
One question.
Are we leading her through the house?
No.
Worried you can't win on design alone, huh?
No, just don't want her to miss some of my more subtle details.
Don't worry, Clint Handsome, I'm sure there are worse things
than losing to your brother on national TV.
I'm not sure what they are, but I know they exist.
Oh, I'm not worried.
Remember that time we went kayaking in the bay,
and you tried to race me, but capsized instead?
Yeah, this is going to be like that.
Actually, I think this is going to be
like the time you fell down the stairs at school
in front of the entire freshman class
and had to get stitches in your chin.
You tied my laces together!
I just want you to know
that you can fly to Colorado
and hold the trophy and cry whenever you want.
No, the trophy's gonna be where it belongs,
in the one and only Christmas House.
I love how you pretend like you don't care,
but you care so much.
You're like, "Oh, look! The Christmas House!"
The Christmas House! The Christmas House!
Oh, look, it's my Christmas House!
Hey, did you know I own The Christmas House?"
Do you hear yourself?
The Christmas House that has a new roof on it
because I put iron reindeer on top of it.
Dude. Back off.
What? Someone's got to take you down a notch.
You're not the King of Christmas!
-Oh, and you are? -Maybe I am!
But you're not, Brandon!
We'll see about that.
Meaning?
Whoever wins the trophy
is the reigning King of Christmas, and...
hosts The Christmas House.
But this is The Christmas House.
Doesn't have to be.
The tradition doesn't belong to you, Mike.
Deal?
Deal.
Okay.
Sorry.
What's going on with you guys?
It was just talk.
Well, we have to be at the theater in an hour.
Okay.
He actually bet you hosting The Christmas House?
We shook on it.
Is that what you want?
Maybe. I don't know.
What are you gonna do?
I'm not worried.
He's not gonna win, so... not gonna happen.
-Oh, this is us. -Yeah.
All right, excuse us.
Sorry.
Switch with me.
Sit down.
Ho, ho, honey, I'm home!
Hi, Kris. How was your eve?
Oh, I swear that commute gets longer every year.
My arm was here first.
Santa needs a good, stiff drink.
Hold the ice...
but add the coal.
That bad, huh?
That naughty.
You don't own the armrest,
just like you don't own Christmas!
Ouch!
-Ahem. -Sorry.
Oh, look at all that soot on your beautiful suit.
-Fine. Take it. -I will.
...fill everyone's stocking...
Ow! Are you this many years old?
...Santa's going to fill everyone's stocking
with his dry cleaning bill!
I don't know why so many people
still have wood-burning fi--
...fireplaces,
when electric is so affordable now!
Get electric.
Better for you.
Better for Santa.
At your local Sears.
Stop it.
You stop. You stop.
Can't believe they kicked us out.
Mom and Dad are going to be so mad.
Are we the worst sons ever?
No. Not even close.
I don't think I own Christmas...
but I do have this thing that I have to live up to,
and I know you probably think it's stupid,
but it's a lot of pressure.
I know what it's like
to live under a microscope, Mike, trust me.
So stop fighting me.
I've already got
my girlfriend's shark-punching ex
making Colombian food with Noah.
I don't need you trying to out-do me, too.
Is this...
This is about Noah, isn't it?
I'm trying, you know?
To become part of their family,
and that just got harder,
and I don't even feel like
I'm allowed to feel that way,
which is also hard.
I... I don't know how to do this.
What?
You do realize, Noah knows how lucky he is, right?
He's got more love than most kids.
It's complicated, sure,
but I can promise you...
blood is not what makes a family.
What about you?
What about me?
Why do I make you so crazy?
How much time do we have?
Because life's always just been so easy for you.
At least, it seems that way.
It's tough having your straight, charming,
handsome-and-everyone-knows-it and-tells-you-all-the-time
younger brother outshine you.
No one outshines Brandon Mitchell.
Do you want to know the truth?
Yes. Please.
I'm scared that my kids are gonna feel
the same way my friends did growing up.
And my first boyfriend felt.
I'm scared that
their Uncle Mike is gonna be their favorite person.
Um...
well...
if it helps,
you've always been mine.
Stop.
I'm serious.
Brandon, you have always been so fearless.
Like, you knew who you were,
and even when it was hard,
you never pretended you were anyone else.
I wish I was like that.
I pretend I'm other people for a living.
You're so stupid.
You think anyone in the theater
is having as cathartic an experience
as we're having in the lobby?
I really doubt that.
Jake said that there might be a proposal happening?
I don't think it's the right time.
I also gotta, like, track down this ring.
It's a long story.
But at some point, yes.
I'm so happy for you.
Thanks.
All right, we should sneak back in,
catch the rest of the show.
Hold up.
It's Kathleen.
Hey, we are about to head back in...
One of the PAs hit the gas instead of the brake,
and... it got away from them.
We can fix this.
Yeah, there's time.
You know, it's cold, I'm tired...
I'm just gonna go to bed.
Hey, Brandon...
Ta-dah!
What is all this?
Is that one of the Schuler sisters
from fifth grade?
Hey.
Everyone wants the show to go on.
New lights are on their way,
and Kathleen sent someone
to every store within 60 miles for more garland.
Why are you doing all this?
Because.
You're my brother.
I've got your back.
Hey, superstars!
Listen, we are so sorry.
Save it.
You two have forgotten something crucial.
We're retired.
We've moved on from The Christmas House.
Literally.
Mm-hmm, and yet here we are,
rushing around, helping you to decorate,
to babysit...
we're supporting you...
And you couldn't even make it through our stage debut,
so we're retiring again.
From all of this.
What does that mean?
That means we're going to brunch.
About that "worst sons ever" thing...
...that would be a yes.
Is this our fault?
That our two sons let this competition
overshadow every commitment and relationship in their lives?
Yes. That.
How could that be our fault?
Well, that year that you drove overnight
to pick up those ten-story blow-up candy canes,
or the year that we wallpapered every room in the house
with wrapping paper, including the furniture.
We originated the "go big or go home."
Yeah, because we never forgot why.
Well, tell me.
Tell you why?
Because when we were wallpapering the furniture,
we had two teenage boys
who chose to spend all of their free time with us.
We were making memories.
And here we are, 20 years later,
still talking about them.
And you know what?
I can't even remember who wrapped more
or whose wrapping was better.
Okay, all right, your wrapping was better.
Yours was always the best.
Uh-huh.
All right, they're our kids,
and we are not perfect.
I only hope we gave them as many good qualities
as complicated ones.
Honey...
We gave them the best of us.
Yeah.
Careful. Careful. Careful with that thing.
30 minutes 'til we go live!
Can somebody move this truck?
I know, I know. I'm on it.
My pleasure.
You ready?
Think so.
Wow. You look nice.
I, um... I wanted to tell you
that Noah invited Zane...
and it's Christmas Eve, and I couldn't say no.
He's probably hoping to witness my failure.
Probably.
Oh.
Merry almost Christmas.
Woo-wee, For Goodness Cakes.
I got the swag of the season.
I got your hats, mugs, sweaters, cups,
and for one night only, justice is best served handsome.
Yeah. Yes. It is going be great.
We're just seconds away.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah. I promise you.
Oh, good. Babysitter's got the kids down.
Oh, good.
Hey, where are our parents?
You don't think they're protesting, do you?
Uh...
Yeah. Copy.
Okay, here we go!
Macie Stevens is on the move.
-Thank you so much for coming. -It is my pleasure.
Let's go make some great TV.
Good evening, America,
and welcome to "Deck Those Halls,
A Very Handsome Christmas."
I'm Macie Stevens,
coming to you live from upstate New York,
where there is a Battle Of The Handsome happening!
That's right!
I am talking a very handsome actor,
Clint Handsome himself,
is facing off against a very handsome baker.
Now, you may be thinking,
just who is this handsome baker you speak of?
Well, I'm here to tell you,
that not only is he handsome, not only can he bake,
but he just happens to be Mike Mitchell's brother!
That's right, America.
Because really, what says holiday cheer
more than, well,
some good old-fashioned sibling rivalry?
Now, before we get into the whole meat
of this handsome sandwich,
I have been told
that these brothers would like to say something, so, boys...
have at 'er.
All you.
Um...
Live TV, bud.
Yeah, okay.
Uh, ha ha ha!
Thank you, Macie Stevens!
I can't believe you're in our front yard!
-Ha ha! -Breathe.
Um...
Mike and I would like to call up
two very special people...
Bylis.
Bylis?
Bylis!
Oh, Bylis! That's us!
Oh! Oh!
-We're Bylis! -We're Bylis?
Yes, Bill, we're...
Don't be nervous. Don't be nervous.
Hi. Hello. I'm not nervous.
Stay calm. I am.
-What's going on? -Are we on camera?
Yes, you are, Dad.
So... Mike and I,
we let this competition get to our heads,
and we lost track of the whole point.
You see, you guys started The Christmas House
as a way to bring us together,
and... we nearly let it tear us apart.
And we're sorry.
We're also very sorry for missing most of your show,
which is running through the end of the month
at the Half-Way Broadway Playhouse,
and seems to be some sort of commentary
on gender roles in the media,
and is also sort of a farce,
and also a commercial.
For Sears.
Check it out.
So, what we really want to say is
the only people who have earned that trophy
are you two.
Which doesn't mean we don't want you
to tell us which one of us crushed it.
It just means that...
you guys are the legends.
There wouldn't be a Christmas House without you...
no sibling rivalry to make for good television,
no traditions to hold onto.
We all lose our way sometimes,
but we're lucky enough
to have something amazing to find our way back to.
Back to you, Macie.
Uh, well, yes.
All I can say is thank the good Lord
for waterproof mascara!
And, without further ado,
let's go see those decked-out halls!
Oh...
♪ Come on, let's celebrate ♪
♪ Oh-oh-oh... ♪
♪ Bring on the cheer! ♪
♪ The snow is falling everywhere ♪
♪ You know that I'll be there ♪
♪ Oh-oh-oh... ♪
♪ Bring on the cheer! ♪
♪ Take a look at all the joyous faces ♪
♪ Getting cozy by the fireplaces ♪
♪ I... ♪
♪ Oh, I... ♪
♪ Sleigh bells ring and carolers singing ♪
♪ Bundled up with a warm winter feeling ♪
♪ I... ♪
♪ It's my favorite time ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ It's a merry holiday ♪
♪ Come on, let's celebrate... ♪
Mm!
This has been absolutely phenomenal,
and a very tough choice, America,
but I've made my decision.
These are really fantastic, right?
Thank you.
Yeah, copy that. Sixty seconds.
Here we go. Here we go. Here we go.
Sixty seconds.
My young sir!
Hey.
Mike was looking for you.
And I was looking for you.
Why me?
There are certain fantastical moments
that require a very specific kind of magic,
one that takes a willingness to see it.
Are you willing, Noah?
Uh, yeah, sure.
Your back pocket.
All right, everyone, it's time.
Okay, places.
And settle.
Welcome back.
Now, we've all seen the insides and outsides
of these handsomely decked-out halls
by these handsomely handsome men,
and I have to say that both displays
showed very impressive holiday cheer
and very impressively-high power bills.
It has been a very difficult choice,
but candy-cane cupcakes, full display,
inspired by my peppermint pie?
Well... pretty hard to beat that one.
So, America, the winner is...
Brandon Mitchell!
Yes!
Oh, my gosh!
Victory is ours!
Mom, I want you to have this.
Are you sure?
Yes! It's kind of heavy, right?
You okay?
Are you kidding?
This is the perfect ending.
He is never going to let you live this down.
I know.
Hey. What's this?
It's your Christmas present.
From me.
What about opening gifts on Christmas morning?
Mike should probably open this one now.
Oh. Okay.
Ah! I love it!
Thank you, buddy!
Big moments are easier in costume, right?
Is this a big moment?
I think it is.
How did you...?
What is that?
I-- I think you know
I've been trying to figure out the best way to do this.
I really wanted it to be magical,
but the truth is, our life just is.
You know, we're always going to face challenges,
but the way that we face them together...
that's the magic.
I can't imagine my life without you and Noah,
and whether we decorate or not,
start new family traditions or stick with the old ones,
or even stay in this house,
I want all of our Christmases from here on out
to be together.
It doesn't matter what we do, or where we go from here,
you are my real home, Andi.
Will you marry me?
Yes!
Wow.
Mikey! Mikey!
Oh, my goodness.
How wonderful.
Oh, honey!
I thought he'd never ask.
Well done, buddy.
So proud of you.
Wait, does this mean Mike actually won?
Yeah, babe, I think it does.
Oh...
Actually...
you're the one I should be apologizing to.
I'm sorry that I was so...
I was just...
It's okay.
I heard you, though.
All the very wise things you said to me
when I was spinning out.
I heard you.
Oh. Good.
And I'm thinking it might be time for a change.
A big one.
♪ Nothing has changed ♪
♪ I still wish you could be ♪
♪ Wrapped up in my arms ♪
♪ Spending Christmas with me ♪
♪ When it gets cold ♪
♪ Is when I notice the most ♪
♪ With all the lights on the trees ♪
♪ Even Christmas can't compete with your glow ♪
Oh, well, you've always been family,
but welcome anyway.
Oh...
Told you this is the most romantic time of year.
Proud of you.
-Thanks, Dad. -It's beautiful.
Congratulations on your engagement.
-Thanks. -Thank you.
I'm really happy for you...
and for Noah.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas!
So, I'm heading back to the city tomorrow,
but I'll give you guys a call about scheduling some visits.
Yeah, sounds good.
Okay. See you.
Let's go.
Hey, Zane...
we're doing a family breakfast
tomorrow morning around 10:00 if you want to join.
Really?
Yeah.
It's Christmas... and you're family.
Thanks, Mike.
That, uh, means a lot.
Wow, looks like we both won a trophy.
I was talking about the ring!
Congratulations.
Thanks. Back atcha.
So, does this mean
that you'll be hosting The Christmas House next year?
No.
This is The Christmas House.
Always has been, always will be.
Yeah.
But...
I hear your mom is looking to sell.
Wait.
Does this mean that you--?
We've talked about it,
and we've been away long enough.
I mean, they like baked goods in New York, right?
I just...
we want our kids to grow up here...
with family...
because they've got a great one.
We all do.
♪ Nothing has changed ♪
♪ I still wish you could be... ♪
♪ With all the lights on the trees ♪
♪ Even Christmas can't compete with your glow ♪
♪ It's a shame you can't see ♪
♪ Even Christmas can't compete with your glow ♪
It's so nice
that our grown sons are acting like grown-ups again.
Mike! Did you eat my pizza?
You animal!
Almost always.
Billie said her first word.
It was...
-What was it? -It was "Dada"!
It was!
-And it was amazing. -It was amazing.
But it...
it was about me, though.
She said it my direction.
Doesn't matter. We're both "Dada".
Great. Everyone wins.
Yup.
But it was about me.
Still in New York.
I'm finding ways to keep things interesting.
Oh, it's... it's mine.
I gotta... I gotta take this.
She's the best.
Noah is doing magic again,
and he has a little friend now who has joined his act.
Mom... stop.
She's very into magic.
This is so embarrassing.
You could always make yourself disappear.
Oh, yeah.
The student has become the teacher.
I mean... he's getting really good at this.
It's kind of creepy.
Members of the jury, have you reached a verdict?
We have, Your Honor.
We find the defendant not...
Line?
-Guilty. -Guilty.
Very, very not guilty.
Not... guilty!
How was that?
-Was it... a little too much? -Cut!