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[Joe] Did you know that The Crown is actually actors?
No way.
-Yeah. -Unbelievable.
Nick, you want some eggs?
No, I'm all good, bro. I'm having an a-kai bowl.
It's a natural antioxidant, and it's delicious.
Ah! Check out Mr. Hollywood over here.
Yeah. Gwyneth called. Uh, you're late for your vagina steaming.
[laughs mockingly] Good one.
By the way, Nick, it's actually pronounced "açai."
No, it's not.
It's definitely not that. It's "a-kai."
Actually, I think the correct pronunciation is quinoa.
What are you talking about?
It's a-kai.
-A-kai? -A-kai.
-Quinoa. -[Nick] Can we stop?
[Joe] God, you smell bad.
You know what? We should not be arguing like this.
We're grown men. We shouldn't be bickering--
-He just throw a pancake at my face? -He just threw a pancake at your face.
[upbeat music playing]
Take it!
[all grunting]
[grunts] Hey!
Okay, boys.
[ominous music playing]
You wanna do this?
Let's take it to the basement.
Gentlemen, welcome to Jonas Brothers Fight Club.
There's a few rules about Jonas Brothers Fight Club.
First rule of Jonas Brothers Fight Club
is we don't talk about Jonas Brothers Fight Club.
-["Sucker" ringtone playing] -Second rule of Jonas Brothers Fight--
Hey, babe.
Yeah. No, I'm just in Jonas Brothers Fight Club.
It's pretty cool. We're in our basement.
Um, there's all these secret rules.
-Dude. -What?
Secret rules.
-Oh, the rules… Oh! -Yeah.
I'll call you back. Love you. Love you. Yeah. Love you, bye.
Sorry. You were saying?
[Mom] Boys! You better not be messing up the basement
doing your stupid fight club again.
No, we're not doing that.
-[Kevin] Never. -We're just…
-We're watching porn together. -What?
Way to think on your feet. This guy. [sighs]
Oh, yeah. And third and most important rule,
no punches to the face. We're too pretty for that.
-Obviously. -Duh.
I mean, have you seen this face?
-All right. -[Nick] Let's do this thing.
Come on.
[dramatic music plays]
Wait. What are we even doing?
We're meant to be brothers.
Brothers don't do this.
They do this.
Loki, why have you done this?
-You're not Thor. -Of course, I'm Thor.
Oh, you thought I was going to be Loki?
[chuckles] I think it's obvious in this family who Loki is.
Loki, why have you done this?
Oh, come on. Kevin, seriously?
Guys, I'm heroic.
Didn't you see how I handled Dani's sister's graduation
in Season 2 of Married to Jonas?
Wait, they made two seasons of that bullshit?
Guys, stop!
Let's handle this properly.
Well, of course you brought us to Camp Rock.
The one you starred in. Such a middle child move.
So thirsty for attention.
[chuckles smugly] What can I say?
The camera loves me.
Can we just focus, guys?
Guys, I wanted us to come back here because this is where we connected.
This is where we can heal
as bandmates and brothers.
And also, get on stage and rock out in a wholesome way.
So what do you say, guys? Let's get out there and rock this camp!
Yeah!
Guys, I am so proud of us.
I think we all learned a lesson about brotherly love.
I'm gonna get a coffee. You guys want anything?
-I'll take an espresso. -It's actually pronounced "expresso."
I will crush you faster than--
They had to do with all your unsold solo albums.
Yes.
[scoffs] Don't act like I don't see who you are under all that.
Bogus Jonas.
You can see something underneath those eyebrows?
-[grumbles] -[all yelling]
[Kenan Thompson] Guys! Guys!
I've got a much better way to get this out of your system.
[upbeat music playing]
[announcer] The host of our show, Kenan Thompson!
[cheering and applauding]
Hello, hello, hello! [laughs]
Oh, snap.
What's going on, everybody? [chuckles]
Hello, hello. Good evening. Good evening. Hello, sir. Good to see you.
Good to see you. Sit. Sit. That's too much. That's too much.
Thank you very much.
All right. Welcome to the Jonas Brothers Family Roast.
I am your host, Kenan Thompson.
-[audience cheers] -Thank you very much.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Jonas Brothers are here.
-[audience cheers] -That's right.
That's right.
Tonight we will be joined by Pete Davidson,
Lilly Singh,
Jack Whitehall,
John Legend,
Niall Horan,
and Gabriel "Fluffy" Iglesias!
This is a family affair.
So we are joined by the brothers' better halves, of course,
Danielle Jonas, Sophie Turner, and Priyanka Chopra Jonas.
Pleasure.
So here we go.
Wouldn't be a roast without the roastees.
Please put your hands together and welcome Kevin, Joe, and Nick,
otherwise known as the Jonas Brothers!
["Sucker" by Jonas Brothers playing]
[audience cheering and applauding]
♪ You say the word And I'll go anywhere blindly ♪
♪ I'm a sucker for you, yeah ♪
♪ Any road you take You know that you'll find me ♪
♪ I'm a sucker for all… ♪
[Kenan] That's them.
That's them.
All right.
[song fades out]
Guys, how are you feeling?
You are looking forward to tonight or what?
Yeah, we're nervous, Kenan. That's what's going on.
But I trust that, in your hands, tonight will be fun.
And with this incredible audience, we'll have a great time!
Let's turn it up!
There's lots of things for nerves. Uh, do you smoke weed?
[audience laughs]
Oh, yeah. I'm high as shit right now.
[Kenan] Oh, snap!
It's getting real.
All right. So…
Tonight, I will be your guide to all things Jonas.
I'm here to give you Jonas Brothers 101.
Let's go through it.
Yeah!
All right.
The Jonas Brothers were raised in Wyckoff, New Jersey.
Yeah!
Making them the biggest musicians
to ever come out of New Jersey.
[audience whoops and chuckles]
Except for Sinatra.
Or maybe Bruce Springsteen.
Oh, or Whitney Houston.
Or Frankie Valli, Queen Latifah, Lauryn Hill, George Clayton,
Kool & The Gang, Jon Bon Jovi.
But after that… after that…
y'all got New Jersey on lock. You know what I'm saying?
I love that. Represent.
-We did it. -Hey, we did it. We did it.
The brothers were encouraged at a very young age
to pursue their love of music, thanks to their loving parents
King Kevin Senior and Queen Denise Jonas.
Kevin is here with us tonight.
But Denise was unable to join us
because she has tickets to a Justin Bieber concert.
We all know you can't give up those tickets.
All right, so…
There they are.
[audience cheers]
Now, this little guy right in the front, that is their youngest brother, Franklin.
-Yeah! -Woo!
[Kenan laughs]
And I have been instructed strictly to not call him the Bonus Jonas.
He didn't show up tonight,
so I'm gonna call him the "Disownus Jonas."
Now, back then,
the Jonas Brothers rocked all kinds of wild looks,
and nobody said a damn thing. I mean, that's how famous they were.
Look at how ridiculous they looked.
Nick.
What's up with the hat, man?
I don't know.
You look like Slash from Guns N' Roses had a weird stepson.
And somehow, the countless skinny ties,
vests, and decorative scarves
still didn't distract from their glorious hair.
Oh!
Yeah.
[crowd applauds]
It's a good look.
Oh my God.
Look at it.
I got to give it to them.
Those are some of the most realistic weaves I have ever seen.
Now, each of the brothers has their own thing.
First, let's look at the loneliest Jonas,
Kevin.
Oh.
[laughs]
How lonely?
Well, lonely enough to have this meme shared thousands of times.
"When you plan to meet your friends somewhere
and you're the first one to show."
Aw, Kevin. It's all right, man. It's all right.
As the saying goes,
every Destiny's Child needs its Michelle Williams.
-So there… there you go. -[audience] Oh!
It's a roast, folks. We're getting roasty.
All right.
[chuckles] Next, we have Joe Jonas,
the Mitt Romney of the Jonas Brothers.
-The Mitt Rom-- -[all laugh]
Yes, he looks like a glass of milk came to life. That's…
I love it.
It's a fun fact that Joe once said in an interview
that his favorite website is YouTube.com.
Really living on the cutting edge there, Joe. All right.
And then, of course, there is the youngest brother in the band,
Nick "Big Dick" Jonas.
[audience cheers]
He has got it all.
Great singer, great actor.
You almost don't blame him for breaking up the band in 2013.
[audience] Ooh!
Because he thought he was better than everybody else. We get it.
But thankfully, in 2019, the Jonas Brothers reunited.
-And they're doing better. -[audience cheers]
[Kenan] Better than ever.
They are doing better than ever.
And Danielle, Sophie, Priyanka,
thank you for making our boys the men that we see today.
[audience cheering and applauding]
[Priyanka] Aw.
[Kenan] Now, in all seriousness, though,
it takes amazing talent to have millions of fans all over the world.
And it's especially impressive to keep it up for over 15 years.
-So I salute you. -Thank you.
[cheering]
I salute all of you!
And I promise one day, I will recognize one of your songs.
Now that we are all caught up on the Jonas Brothers,
why don't we get it started?
You might be surprised to know
that the Jonas Brothers do have some friends.
And we are excited to welcome one of them.
Ladies and gentlemen, the wonderful Lilly Singh!
-[upbeat music playing] -[audience cheering and applauding]
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Thanks! Whoo!
It is such an honor to be part of the Jonas Brothers Family Roast.
Man!
You know, to be honest, I already feel like a member of the family
because at Nick and Priyanka's wedding, Kevin and Joe both said to me,
"We're so happy you're marrying our brother, Nick."
If you don't know me, totally understandable.
I'm Lilly Singh. What's up?
-[crowd cheers] -Thank you.
I love the Jonas Brothers so much
that I came dressed as Kevin Jonas today.
As you can see, we both shop at Forever 21.
Now, I got my start making comedy videos on YouTube.
And since then, my career has been filled with ups and downs
in an industry that's still predominantly white males.
So yeah, I'm thrilled to finally be on a Netflix comedy special
celebrating three white guys from New Jersey!
Yeah. And the Jonas Brothers are so white and basic…
they're like if White Claw were a person.
I mean, Joe is so white that when it was time to name his band,
he couldn't even spell dance right.
I did love the Jonas Brothers as a teen. You know, I had their posters on my walls.
I mean, come on, they were hot, right? Yes!
[crowd cheers]
And they helped me figure out who I was as a person.
Now, I'll never forget being a young girl in Canada,
staring at a picture of the Jonas Brothers and thinking,
"Maybe I'm into girls."
This is fun!
It's crazy that the Jonas Brothers are now in their late 20s and 30s,
and I can still grow more facial hair than all of you.
Weird flex, but here we are. I know my strengths and weaknesses, okay?
Speaking of weaknesses, Kevin is here!
Kevin… Real talk, Kevin is actually my favorite Jonas Brother.
He is.
Mine too.
Because he makes you believe
that anyone can be a pop star.
When you see a picture of him next to Nick and Joe,
you always think, "Wow."
"Nick and Joe are really close with their accountant."
Now, Nick, you'll always be the baby of the Jonas Brothers.
Sure.
And I don't know if you know this, but Nick can't even grow a beard. Yeah.
That's why he married one.
-[audience] Oh! -[Kevin] Oh!
Oh, shit.
But it's hard not to love Nick Jonas. Am I right? Come on. Look at him.
[crowd cheers]
[Lilly] Yeah.
Nick is the dreamer. He is determined.
He wants to be the best.
Nick hopes to someday have a Grammy, an Emmy, an Oscar, and a Tony.
And he will.
If he adopts four more dogs and names them Grammy, Emmy, Oscar, and Tony.
Hi, Joe.
-I didn't forget about you. -Thank God.
I mean, I did from 2008 to 2015, but not tonight.
But in all sincerity, I am so honored to be here tonight
and to be included as part of your family roast.
Thank you so much for having me.
Obviously, I'm a huge fan…
of Kenan Thompson.
Thank you so much, everyone. Goodnight!
Yeah!
-[Kenan] Lilly Singh, everybody. -Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Great job. Great job.
-[Lilly] Thank you so much. -[Kenan] Absolutely. Give it up!
She was taking shots at y'all, man.
-I love it! -[Kenan] You guys are good sports.
Dad, how you feeling? You hanging in there?
I know these are your children.
-They're my children. -[Kenan] I hear you. All right.
My children!
Now, here's something else that you might not know
about the Jonas Brothers.
In the 2007 Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade,
they rode on the Build-A-Bear Workshop float.
-Nice. -Strong.
And then, right when it was over,
they built a bear out of Kevin's old sideburns.
[man] Boo!
Boo!
I'm sorry. What? Did somebody just boo me?
[man] Boo!
Well, that is rude, but you guys won't believe this.
The Jonas Brothers were the youngest band to ever be on the cover of Rolling--
[man] Rolling Stone, yeah, yeah. We know!
Pete? Is that you?
Is that me?
Pete Davidson!
Oh. Yes!
That's like asking if the Jonas Brothers freaking rule.
Hell, yeah, dude!
-[audience whoops] -[Kenan] What are you doing here?
I don't know. I'm so drunk right now.
Uh…
I was drinking White Claws with Niall. He's a cool kid.
So you're a fan.
Oh, I'm a huge fan!
I listen to the Jonas Brothers every time I'm in a supermarket.
I mean, show some respect, okay?
Nick's a legit actor now.
He's won everything from a Kids' Choice Award
to a Teen Choice Award.
Yes.
-Very good. -Thank you.
You know, Nick had a hit called "Jealous."
Though it would've been way more believable
if Kevin was singing it.
Haven't you ever heard the song "Roller Coaster"?
You know how brave it is to do a song about something
none of them are tall enough to ride?
I mean, how can I make fun of these guys?
I look like a Jonas Brother if his mom was also his Jonas sister.
Well, I'm sorry, but we need to keep the show moving.
-Please, no more interruptions. All right? -Okay. Okay.
-Thank you. -Okay.
Now, the Jonas Brothers have performed at the White House several times.
But most notably when they sang the National Anthem
for the Women In Sports Tee-ball game.
Or as it's more commonly known, wait, is that a real thing?
Okay. All right. All right. Now you've gone too far, okay?
These guys rock! Okay?
A Little Bit Longer is both my favorite album--
-[audience cheers] -Yeah. Yes. Yes.
And it's what Sophie wishes Joe's penis was.
-[Kenan] Hey! Easy! -[audience groans]
Winter is coming, but Sophie, not so much.
[Kenan] Pete!
-[Kenan] You can't talk like that. -[Pete] Come on!
[Kenan] Get out of-- You can't talk like-- Get--
-[Pete] I'm sorry. -Get Peter--
-I'm sorry. -[Kenan] Pete Davidson, everybody.
But you gotta get out of here.
My God.
Sophie, that's your personal business.
Please welcome the more talented, the more beautiful,
the more popular, the less sulky looking other half
of Nick Jonas, Priyanka Chopra Jonas!
-[upbeat music playing] -[audience cheers and applauds]
Yeah!
Terrified right now.
But thank you guys for being such a warm room!
This is amazing!
Hi, everyone!
I am honored and so thrilled, actually, and tickled,
to be here tonight to roast my husband, Nick Jonas.
And his brothers, whose names I can never remember.
Um… [chuckles]
I'm from India, a country rich in culture, in music, in entertainment.
So clearly, the Jonas Brothers didn't make it over there.
Nick and I have a ten-year age gap.
-Yeah! -Yes.
[audience whoops]
We do.
And there are many '90s pop culture references
he doesn't understand, and I have to explain them to him.
Which is fine, because we teach each other.
We teach each other things.
He showed me how to use TikTok, for example.
You know, and I showed him what a successful acting career looks like.
[Kevin] Oh, shit!
Oh my God.
Also, have you guys noticed
how much content the Jonas Brothers post online?
Like, they're forever on Instagram, always on the phone.
[giggling] It's so cute.
I'll tell you why.
Because all of them combined still have less followers than me.
[audience] Oh!
[Priyanka] Yeah.
It's true. It's true.
So I guess the most popular Jonas is
@PriyankaChopra on Instagram.
Seriously, though, I do want to talk about how much I love my husband
and what I love about him.
One of the things I love about my husband is how much we have in common, you know.
For instance, we're both totally, completely, wholly obsessed,
and I mean obsessed,
with Nick Jonas.
We love Nick Jonas, both of us.
[laughing] He's our favorite. Honestly.
-He's our favorite. -It's true.
-Very true.
I wouldn't want to be married to anyone else, guys. I'm serious.
Unless, of course, Chris Hemsworth suddenly became single.
Might change things.
Since we got married, people questioned our marriage. Right?
They were like, "Oh, it's a publicity stunt."
How could it be?
I didn't even know how famous Nick was.
All I knew was that he was Kevin Jonas's baby brother.
[Nick] Yeah. That's right.
[Priyanka] In all sincerity,
I love that I married a man
who, like myself, values family.
If you don't know, we're the only couple
who doesn't have kids yet,
which is why I'm excited to make this announcement.
Sorry, babe.
Nick and I are expecting…
to get drunk tonight
and sleep in tomorrow!
Your face was really funny when I said that.
Yeah, I was a bit concerned.
All right. Seriously, though, I love this entire family.
Nick, Joe, Kevin, you guys are amazing.
Nick has changed my life.
I wouldn't want to babysit, I mean, be married to anyone else.
Ever. [giggles]
Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Priyanka Chopra Jonas!
Thank you.
[audience cheering and applauding]
[Priyanka] Oh my God.
How are you feeling?
Oh, look at the love.
[Nick] You killed it.
There are lots of fun Jonas Brothers facts that most people don't know.
-Like, one time, back at-- -[piano music]
Hold on.
Now, I know the sound of those tickled ivories anywhere.
Ladies and gentlemen, that is John Legend in the building.
[audience cheering]
Sup, dawg?
What's up, man? You been sitting there all night?
You know me. I love a good party, Kenan.
Whenever there's a party in town, I show up with my piano.
That's right.
Well, while you're here, do you mind playing us a song?
Yes. Do you know what?
I wrote a little something about my favorite band.
Yeah!
Jonas Brothers, why don't you come over here?
-All right! -[Kenan] Come on down, baby.
It's for you.
It's for you. It's for you.
Enjoy.
Enjoy this.
♪ Working-class lads Growing up with a dream ♪
♪ They made a lot of money Made a lot of girls scream ♪
♪ The music they created Took over the globe ♪
♪ Sold out shows wherever they'd go ♪
It's true.
♪ All I want to be is their favorite fan ♪
♪ I wrote a song to tell them They're my favorite band ♪
♪ I wish they could hear it But they're not here today ♪
♪ No John, Paul, George, or Ringo Just Joe, Nick, I want to say… ♪
♪ Keith? ♪
♪ You're not quite the Beatles ♪
♪ Not quite the Beatles Though you're really nice guys ♪
♪ You're pretty darn handsome And better than Hanson ♪
♪ But you'll never be the Beatles Nice try ♪
♪ No, not the Beatles ♪
♪ Not quite the Beatles And I'm telling you why ♪
♪ You can take them home to Granny ♪
♪ But they've never won a Grammy ♪
♪ They'll never be the Beatles ♪
♪ Never, not in this life ♪
♪ Oh, imagine there was no "Imagine" ♪
♪ Only "Sucker," and I forget the rest ♪
♪ What if Paul McCartney was in Jumanji? ♪
♪ No "Let it Be" Just Nick being "Jealous" ♪
♪ Oh, no Ringo Starr as the weakest link ♪
♪ Only Keith? Kirk? ♪
♪ What's his name? ♪
♪ And George Harrison Rolling in his grave ♪
♪ Every time "Cake by the Ocean" ♪
♪ Ever gets played ♪
♪ You're not quite the Beatles ♪
♪ Not quite the Beatles Though you're really nice guys ♪
♪ You're pretty darn handsome And better than Hanson ♪
♪ But you'll never be the Beatles Nice try ♪
♪ No, not the Beatles ♪
♪ Not quite the Beatles And I'm telling you why ♪
♪ You can take them home to Granny But they've never won a Grammy ♪
♪ Oh, they'll never be the Beatles ♪
♪ Never, not in this life ♪
Sing it with me, everybody.
[audience sings along] ♪ No, no, no, no, no, no, no ♪
♪ No Nick and no Joe ♪
♪ Or Keith? ♪
♪ Oh, no, no, no ♪
♪ No, no, no, no ♪
♪ No Jonas Bros ♪
♪ For me ♪
♪ Not quite the Beatles ♪
♪ Not quite the Beatles Though you're really nice guys ♪
♪ You're pretty darn handsome Better than Hanson ♪
I'll take it!
♪ But you'll never be the Beatles Nice try ♪
♪ No, not the Beatles ♪
♪ Not quite the Beatles Better luck next time ♪
♪ But look on the bright side ♪
♪ You've got beautiful wives ♪
♪ Who didn't break up the group ♪
♪ And none of you died ♪
[audience cheers and applauds]
[Kenan] John Legend!
John Legend…
-None of you died. -…ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you.
[Kenan] That was amazing.
-I'm sorry. -That was amazing.
That was beautiful. You're right. You're right.
-You're correct. -That was amazing.
-John Legend! -Not quite the Beatles.
[audience cheering and applauding]
[Kenan laughs]
So recently, the Jonas Brothers went down to the brand-new home
of the Los Angeles Rams
to see which one of them sucked the least at football.
Let's see how that went.
[dramatic music playing]
Can you believe Tom Brady's gonna teach us how to kick?
That's insane.
Tom Brady's gonna help us kick these balls.
What's up, Jonas Brothers?
Y'all ready for this?
I'm your coach,
Tom Grady.
No, we're waiting for Tom Brady. But thank you.
He said he's waiting for Tom--
Man, why would Tom Brady be coaching y'all?
-Let's do this thing. -[whistle blows]
[upbeat music playing]
All right, gentlemen,
today I have been charged in training you in the game of football.
And when I'm done, I will release you back,
but not before I declare one of y'all the worst.
Knees up!
Suck in your butts!
Suck in your butt?
Gimme some jumping jacks. Here we go. One, two, three, four. Now swim.
And one Jonas Brother, two Jonas Brother, three Jonas Brother.
And I am the winner! All right. Let's get some nachos, man.
There's one minute left. Fourth quarter in the Super Bowl.
Hike!
-[groans] -[Nick laughs]
Yeah, I see why they call you all the Jonas Brothers
and not the Jonas Brothas.
Y'all need some more Black people in this band.
Hey, Nick! Get your head in the game.
Hike!
Yeah! That's what I'm talking about!
-Yes! -All right, Kev. You got this.
Hike!
Come on, Kev.
[Kenan] Oh, man. Come on, man.
-[Joe] Aw. -[buzzer sounds]
[Kenan] I think we're done.
-It's all good, Kev. -Let's bring it in with some positivity.
You'll get it next time.
Oh, man.
So how was the day for you? Did you enjoy that day?
Kevin does really fucking suck at football though.
I feel like they edited that really badly.
I'm not sure if I was that bad.
-He sucks at football. -Yeah.
Here's your redemption.
You had one more challenge to see if you could overcome sucking so hard.
Why don't we take a look at it? This is your moment.
All right.
[dramatic music playing]
[crowd cheers]
Kev, time to put you in the cauldron and see what bubbles up. [chuckles]
You're going back on that field, but this time in front of 70,000 fans.
Okay.
Let's focus on trying to kick a field goal.
You can do this.
Remember, clear eyes, full heart.
I'm a sucker for you.
All right.
Let's get out there, son!
Oh, boy, this is gonna be bad. Like a lamb to the slaughter.
[announcer] Please welcome running back to New Jersey,
number one, Kevin Jonas!
[Kevin] All right!
[announcer] All right, fans.
All right, Kevin, let's see if you can put it through the uprights.
[heartbeat thumping]
[announcer] The kick is up, and the kick is good!
[crowd roars]
[Kenan] Yeah, baby!
That's how you do it!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
-Los Angeles, make some noise! -Woo!
I did it, coach.
You fucking did it! Yes, you fucking did it!
In front of all of these people!
That was amazing.
[Kenan] Good job, Kev!
You did that!
First try.
In front of 70,000 people. That's impressive.
We can't confirm it was the first try.
I'm not sure about that.
You kicked that field goal like they kicked you out of the band.
-That was good. -[audience] Oh!
[Kenan] Boom! Boom! Boom!
The only difference is I still succeeded, and Nick didn't, so it's fine.
[Kenan] Oh, it's going back and forth!
We made two Jumanji's, okay? I think we were a success.
This is very true.
-Two. -[Kenan] I love it.
Are you friends with The Rock?
No. He doesn't call me back.
What about the little one?
I'm friends with him.
Little Black guys are always the best.
All right.
Please welcome someone
who knows the Jonas Brothers better than anybody else.
This is Franklin Jonas.
-[rock music playing] -[audience cheering and applauding]
[Pete] Thank you.
-Oh, no. -Hello!
Thank you.
Hi. It's me, definitely Franklin Jonas.
Uh, they, uh… They call me the Bonus Jonas
because I'm the only one who doesn't get a salary.
Um, I live entirely on Christmas and birthday gifts from these three.
#EatTheRich.
Seriously, I am just so proud to be your little brother.
You know? It's so amazing how you guys reach the number one
on the Billboard Top 200,
but still need me to reach the top of any shelf.
Um…
You know, my life is real tough. It's real tough, I gotta tell ya. Uh…
Whoa, boy, is it a tough one. Uh…
Sometimes I always feel like I'll be the fourth best.
I could cure Covid, and you'd still all be like,
"That's impressive, but it's not like you starred in Camp Rock!"
But I still love you guys. And I just ask that, you know,
you text me the location of the afterparties.
I got a new phone, so you'll have to put it in my phone.
You know? Uh… You know, we…
That's okay, Pete. We appreciate it. You can't just walk up on the Jonas--
Who's Pete? I'm Franklin.
I am Franklin Jonas. I'm just hanging with my bros.
I understand, but they'll see you after the show.
-Aw, fuck you, Kenan. -Oh, come on.
Franklin Jonas/Pete Davidson.
One more time.
All right. Let's take a moment to check in
with the Jonas Family Roast observation section,
a very cushy, exclusive area
reserved only for the Jonas Brothers' incredible spouses.
Wait…
Oh, okay. Uh…
Hey, K.T.
Dr. Phil?
[audience cheering and applauding]
What are you doing in the exclusive Jonas Brothers executive wife lounge?
I'm a doctor.
And as a doctor,
it is my absolute obligation to insert myself into all family drama.
All right. I suppose you did take an oath.
It's an oath that I honor every day of my life, Kenan.
And I've been watching this roast with my trained eye,
and I think I can see the problem here.
Roasts are just damn mean! We teach people how to treat us.
And if you believe you deserve to get zinged,
you're going to get zinged!
Yeah, but Dr. Phil, this roast is all in good fun.
I'm not done, Kenan Thompson.
-[Kenan] Oh, easy. -All right.
Let me tell you about the Jonas Brothers.
It's always easier to tell people what they want to hear
instead of what they need to hear.
Let me tell you what they need to hear.
They're not good enough for any of these wives.
[audience] Oh!
These boys have married so far over their head.
It's just unbelievable.
I don't think you're the one to give advice on family dynamics.
I mean, your son is here. What's up, Jordan?
-[audience whoops] -Suck it, Dad!
I told you, it's Dr. Phil.
You know what? All of you boys are beyond my help.
You are 100% fucked, and I'm out of here.
[Kenan] Gee whiz!
-Dr. Phil, everybody. -Sorry, ladies. Sorry.
Good job, Phillip.
Dr. Filthy.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Danielle Jonas.
Yeah!
[audience cheering and applauding]
Woo!
Got a bit of a situation over here we're going to explain really quick.
Go ahead. Go ahead, Danielle.
"I've lost my voice," she says. That's sad.
-Oh, no. -Baby girl.
"It's okay. At least I had a voice to lose unlike Kevin,
who sings backup vocals." Yeah. Yes, he does.
"And without a voice, I won't be able to roast Kevin."
Okay.
"Maybe you could do it for me?"
Me? Yeah? Of course.
-I'd be happy to. -All right.
Okay. I'm going to step in and roast Kevin for Danielle here. Ahem.
These are her words.
"I met Kevin on vacation."
"And before that, the only thing I've done on vacation that ruined my life
was getting vacation braids."
"I basically ignored him the whole time,
which he loved
because he said it reminded him of his mom."
Oh!
Bing!
"But…
I have loved our relationship these last 12 years."
-[Nick] Yeah. -Thank you.
-"We have two beautiful daughters." -[Nick] Yep.
[Kenan] Yeah.
"We had them the old-fashioned way
when he went on tour, and I slept with the milkman." Danielle!
I don't believe that.
I'm not believing that.
"But Kevin is truly the best dad, and like most people…"
[audience cheers]
That's right.
"And like most people,
our daughters don't even know that he's famous."
"Of course…"
"Of course, I think Kevin is the cutest Jonas Brother."
-"He's got those beautiful eyes." -Thank you, baby.
"The kindest smile…
and a massive…"
Whoa. Okay.
Um…
Heart. Big heart.
[Kenan] Yes.
I'm sorry.
Danielle, I'm not going to say that.
Wow. But good for you, Kev.
You know what I'm saying?
-You should be very proud. -[Kevin] Thank you.
And King Kevin, you should be very proud too.
I hear you're packing. I know that's where he's getting it from.
That's what's up.
"To sum it all up, I love you, Kevin."
-[audience] Aw! -Love you, baby doll.
Give it up for Danielle Jonas, ladies and gentlemen.
[cheering and applauding]
[Kenan singing] ♪ Where is the love? ♪
Cute.
So I want to-- Walk her back to her seat.
[grumbles]
Good job.
Now… [chuckles] Somebody who knows Nick pretty well
wanted to get some stuff off of his chest.
Let's take a look.
Listen, I'm a close friend of Nick's on TV.
I've known him for a long time, like, two seasons of The Voice.
And he's a close personal co-worker.
I'd like to share the reasons I love Nick Jonas.
One…
He's non-threatening.
Labels aren't out there telling their artists, like,
"Don't drop music this week because Nick Jonas has a record coming out."
Usually, it's the complete opposite.
"Hey, drop your music this week. There's no competition."
You're the man.
Two…
He's always easy to find because he literally takes a selfie
and posts it to Instagram every time he leaves the house.
Three, he's a great actor.
He acted as a competent vocal coach for two seasons on The Voice.
And the final reason I love Nick Jonas,
he surrounds himself with people much cooler than he is.
Nick, and all the Jonas Brothers, I love ya.
And thanks for letting me be a part of this from another studio.
You guys actually couldn't pay me enough to be there anyway. Thanks again.
[Kenan] Nice.
Blake Shelton.
-Wow. -Oh my God.
A lot of people don't know this,
but the Jonas Brothers have fans all over the world.
Please…
[crowd cheers]
…put your hands together for a very special roaster
from across the pond.
He's one of the UK's biggest comedy stars. This is Jack Whitehall. Give it up!
[audience cheering and applauding]
Jack. Jack. Jack. Jack. Jack. Jack. Jack!
Yeah!
[audience cheering and applauding]
Yes! What an honor it is to be here.
Now, I must warn you, I do come from a nation of toasters,
not roasters.
And I'm not, for one moment,
going to stand up here in front of you tonight
and besmirch the character of these fine young gentlemen.
-Look at them. -I doubt it.
Oh!
You beautiful bastards.
Where's your father? Where is he? That is a proud man over there.
Kevin Sr.
Oh, yes.
Give that man's testicles a Grammy
for their outstanding contribution to music.
Yeah!
Yes! A round of applause for Kevin Sr.'s balls!
Why not?
[audience cheering and applauding]
Those giblets should be hanging in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.
Yes. Tonight I feel is the night
for me to finally admit it to the world.
No, I am not pre-rehab John Mulaney.
I am Jack Whitehall,
and I am a Jonah-holic.
Yeah? Oh, that felt good.
Felt good to share, yeah? I'm drunk on the Jonas juice.
I am a full-blown Jo-tard.
Yeah. You guys are my guilty pleasure.
Like, peeing in the shower or masturbating in an Uber.
And of all of those hobbies, the one that I get the most grief for,
liking your music.
And the Uber one a bit, to be fair.
But why? Why can't a man love the Jo Bros?
-Whoo! -[Jack] Yeah, why?
I get less judgment when my shuffle lands on R. Kelly.
[audience groans]
Why does rock and roll have to be hard?
I like my rock soft
and thumbed in gently…
by three guys that look like they should be working on the door
of an Abercrombie & Fitch.
Maybe two on the door, one in the storage room.
Sorry, Nick, sorry.
Oh, yeah, thank you.
Do you know how hard it was growing up for me in England,
a young boy loving the Jonas Brothers?
Picked on, sir. I was picked on every day!
At school, by the Slytherin boys. Yeah.
The pressure to listen to music that was "cool," or "edgy,"
that wasn't "mind-numbingly bland."
"Oh, you won't get any girls
if you're listening to the Jonas Brothers, Jack."
"Well, maybe, I don't want girls."
"Maybe I am Jo Bros before hoes."
[audience cheering]
Yeah.
You know what? Since we're all friends here,
and this is a safe space, I'm ready to share a little more.
Guys, you are looking at a fellow purity pledger.
Yes!
Lock this sugar up and throw away the key!
Let's hear some noise for popping that cherry
when you're goddamn ready!
-Whoo! -[audience cheers]
Oh! A lot of virgins in the house tonight!
Nice!
Yes, for much of my youth, like you guys,
I was in a purity-pledge situation.
A pledge was taken that I would remain a virgin
by every single girl at my school.
And do you know how I was able to keep my man hymen intact for so long?
Because of you guys. Seriously.
The more I told people that I listened to your music,
the less they wanted to have sex with me.
I may as well have worn one of your albums around my neck like a leper's bell.
I'm dying.
But look, look, real talk, we have to talk about the hard times too.
October 30th, 2013.
Please stop laughing. This is a serious bit.
The music industry's 9/11.
The day of the break-up of my heart into a thousand tiny pieces.
And look, I'm not gonna stand up here and play the blame game.
We could be here all night going, "Oh, Nick said this. Nick did that."
No. It was a mutual decision to break up,
so that Nick could focus on his solo career.
No one's to blame except Nick, whose fault it definitely was.
Look at him.
Sorry. It still hurts.
The Brother Breaker.
The Meghan Markle of pop.
Now, the band is back!
-Yes! Whoo! -[audience cheers]
Yes!
[Nick] You're welcome.
Thank you.
You can't keep these guys down.
They're like the Covid virus.
And if this second wave has taught us anything,
it's that, as a society, we cannot eradicate the Jonas Brothers.
We must just learn to live with them
and pray they don't mutate.
My point is, guys, joking aside,
you have left an indelible mark on so many people,
especially me.
Seriously. In more ways than one.
They all said to me that I was making a terrible, terrible mistake
all those years ago when I walked into that tattoo parlor.
But you know what I have to say to them chaps?
No regrets.
"Jo Bros before hoes."
[audience cheering and applauding]
-[whoops] -[Kenan] Jack!
Yeah!
-Jack Whitehall, ladies and gentlemen. -[Nick] Wow!
[Kenan] Tattoo.
Anybody who follows Joe Jonas on TikTok,
which I assume is most of the human population,
knows that he recently crashed
a themed One Direction versus Jonas Brothers spin class.
Yeah!
So this time, he decided to do it again and bring along Niall Horan.
But this time, they went undercover.
Give a round of applause
to a new instructor that I am going to be auditioning.
Steve!
[Joe] Let's do it, people. Here we go! Ladies and gentlemen, how ya feeling?
-[bell dings] -[Joe] All right. Here we go.
My name is Steve. I am so excited to be here.
[Niall] What's going on? How you going, guys? I'm Toby.
-I'm from Australia. Sydney, Australia. -[bell dings]
-[Niall] How are you guys going? You good? -[group] Yeah!
[Niall] Yeah? Lovely.
-[bell dings] -[energetic music playing]
I heard the Jonas Brothers are not even real brothers.
[Joe] I read the Jonas Brothers aren't even real brothers.
-Disney faked it. -[Joe] Disney faked it.
[Joe laughs]
My friend dated the one with the eyebrows. Super lazy lover.
[Joe] My friend dated the one with the huge eyebrows.
She said he's no good. Okay.
[Kevin, Niall, and Nick laugh]
One Direction is by far the best looking boy band there ever was. Am I right?
Say they're a much bigger band and always will be.
[Joe] A much bigger band. More successful.
[Joe] You guys ever heard of Niall Horan?
More like "Niall Borin'."
[Niall] Yeah. Yeah, Niall Bloody Borin'.
You know him?
What a letdown.
He was by far the most handsome in that group he was in.
[Niall] He is by far and away-- They all talk about this Harry guy.
He's by far and away the best looking in that band by a mile.
-You agree? -[group] Woo!
[Niall] Liars.
[bell dings]
Who here wants muscles like this?
[Niall] Who here wants muscles like these bad boys, hey?
-[group cheers] -[Niall] Come on! Yeah!
Say, "Who here wants a big biking booty like me?"
"Don't be shy. Let me hear you sing. We want a big biking bubble booty."
[Joe] All right. Who wants a big bubble booty like me?
-Make some noise. -[group] Whoo!
[Joe] Bubble booty! Bubble booty! Bubble booty!
[Kevin] Good thing we're in a garage.
I've got so much junk in my trunk.
[Joe] Good thing we're in a garage. I've got so much junk in my trunk.
[laughs] Woo!
[bell dings]
Tell them that you just broke up with your girlfriend last night.
[Niall] Yeah. I just broke up with my girlfriend last night.
Feeling a bit sad.
Take a break if you're a Capricorn.
[Niall] Take a break-- If you're a Capricorn,
don't move.
If you're a Scorpio, uh, you have to go two times as hard.
[Niall] Right. If you're a Scorpio, faster.
Say, "My girlfriend was a Scorpio," and then start crying.
[Niall] My girlfriend was a Scorpio.
[cries]
Do you guys like Toby?
[Joe] Do you guys like Toby?
[group cheers]
[Joe] We went out on the town last night.
Say, "He's a real piece of shit."
[Joe] He's a real piece of shit, isn't he?
Say, "He doesn't know it,
but I've just started seeing his girlfriend, Brooke."
[Joe] He doesn't know,
but I just started seeing his girlfriend, Brooke.
-[Joe] All right, guys, good luck! -[group cheers]
[Kevin] That was so good.
-[Niall] Well done. -[Joe] Oh my God.
-Excellent work. -Very good. So funny.
Thank you, everybody, for such an incredible class.
And now if we can have a round of applause for our special instructors.
-[group cheers] -Yeah!
Woo!
Yeah! Hey!
-[Joe] Woo-hoo! -[Niall] Woo!
[Joe] Thank you guys so much! You were incredible.
Baby, let's party!
-[group screams] -[Joe] Make some noise!
We have two other special guests.
[chattering and crowd screaming]
Well done. Well done.
-Thank you. -Well played.
Good job!
Great job! Thank you!
[Joe] Thank you. Great job.
Now, out of the two guys, who do you think was better?
[group] Niall!
I think it's obvious. Niall, you're the winner.
[audience cheering and applauding]
[Joe laughs] Well played.
Big thanks to Niall Horan.
-Give it up for him one more time. -Yeah, Niall.
Please welcome someone who's been waiting five years for this.
This is Sophie Turner.
-[audience cheering and applauding] -[upbeat music playing]
Hello.
Hi, everyone.
[inhales] Um, I'm really only here
because I was told that in America, big family gatherings are where you say
the meanest possible things to your family.
So, when Joe asked me to do this, I was like…
[in American accent] "Sure thing, dipshit."
Um…
[in normal accent] Let's talk about the purity rings.
[crowd whoops]
For those of you who don't know, purity rings are worn to demonstrate
that you're abstaining from sex before marriage.
And the Jonas Brothers, they all had them.
Like, I know this is a roast,
and you all think I should be going after them.
But I think we need to set the record straight here.
No. The rings weren't a good idea.
Yes, as a gesture, they're laughably, toe-curlingly lame.
Um, but remember, this was about more than a gesture.
This was about faith. This was about principle.
This was about taking a stand and setting an example.
Look, Joe Jonas wasn't just sticking his fingers in some dumb metal rings.
He was sticking his fingers in co-stars,
actresses, and even a supermodel or two.
[crowd cheers and laughs]
To be honest,
Joe and the purity ring thing was kind of like a modern-day Cinderella.
I mean, Joe tried to find a match for his purity rings a few times,
but finally, the finger fit me.
[audience laughs and cheers]
It was also like Cinderella because most of the girls he tried it with
were under contract to Disney.
-[audience] Oh! -[Kevin] Oh!
I must love him, because I moved to America to be with him.
[audience] Aw!
[Sophie] It hasn't been without its challenges.
The terminology, for one, has been a bit of a struggle.
In America, you say zucchini.
In England, we say courgette.
In America, the bits on the side of the road are called sidewalks.
In England, pavements.
Interestingly, on this side of the Atlantic,
the sequel to Camp Rock was called Camp Rock 2.
Whereas in England, it was called a load of shit.
Yeah.
I said when I started acting that I would never date an actor.
And after I saw Camp Rock 2, I knew it was safe to date Joe.
Um, getting to know these guys has been the thrill of a lifetime.
I mean, Kevin is so wonderful,
and Nick is Nick.
Um…
Joe, I love you so much.
What I love about you is that no matter how successful you guys got,
you always stayed true to your New Jersey roots.
And I know you guys are definitely from New Jersey,
because you're all sopranos, I mean…
I'm kidding. You guys don't have any vocal range, sorry.
I really wanted to come and do this
because the Jonas Brothers are a great band
despite what every single person you talk to says.
I love you guys.
I'll see you backstage and at Christmas.
And Joe, don't wait up. Pete Davidson slipped me his phone number.
So…
Guys. Sophie Turner, everybody!
The queen of the north.
Oh, that's beautiful. The love.
I'm proud of you.
[Kenan] Good job!
Now, Joe, did you expect that?
Is Dr. Phil still here?
Good sports in your family.
Now, we have learnt that tonight
nobody gets under your skin quite like your own family.
And it's time for brother to take on brother to take on brothers.
[audience cheers and applauds]
-[Kenan] That's right. -Here we go.
Now, we prepared this board with various categories about your life.
And you'll each get a turn to come on up here,
select a category, and go wild.
Let's go oldest to youngest.
Kevin, you're up first.
-All right. -[Kenan] Let's go.
[audience cheering and applauding]
What's up, everybody?
-Woo! -[Priyanka] Woo! Go!
I'm gonna start with "Solo Careers."
All right. Joe,
I know you have a ritual before you go onstage.
That is to get slapped in the face before you hit the stage.
It really is.
And that is such a coincidence
because I need to get run over by a car every time I listen to your music.
Seriously. I love all the music you've created with DNCE.
From your biggest hits of "Cake by the Ocean…"
[audience cheers]
[audience laughs]
No. That's it.
You've also tried your hand at acting.
How amazing was Joe in Zoolander 2?
Yeah.
Here he is, actually.
Oh, wait. No, no.
That's just Joe dressed up as Zoolander for Halloween.
Yeah. We tried to find a still from the movie,
but his part was so small, there was zero photographic evidence.
But great job, Joe. We're super proud of you.
Nick, don't look so terrified.
I haven't seen you this down
since I asked you to be on Married to Jonas.
Now, Nick, you are a triple threat.
You can sing, you can act,
you can threaten to quit the band once again.
[sighs]
I'm not scarred from that at all.
[chuckles]
Nick was so excited to be the host of SNL
as both the host and musical guest.
Nick finally got to collaborate with his favorite person,
Nick Jonas.
But all roasting aside, I am so glad that I wasn't a solo act.
It has been the greatest joy of my life being your big brother to both of you.
[audience] Aw!
Tied, of course, with marrying this beautiful girl, Danielle.
I love you.
[audience cheers]
But the birth of my beautiful two girls
and being on the list of, you know, People's Sexiest Man Alive.
[audience cheers and applauds]
That's right, now you can applaud.
I love you.
Gentlemen.
Roasted.
[Kenan] Kevin Jonas, everybody.
Good job, Kev.
All right.
Next up we have Joe Jonas taking the stage.
Let's go, Joe.
That's right.
Thank you.
I will pick "Childhood" for $200, please.
Since you went first, Kevin, you're up first.
Kevin, you've always been the first at everything.
Kevin was the first child.
He was the first to finish school.
He was the first to get married.
He also was the first to get kicked out of the band.
[audience laughs and groans]
Kevin, growing up, he soon found his own style.
He wore a lot of scarves, even in the summertime.
Not because it was cold.
Because there was a lack of hickeys for a 20-year-old rock star.
And sometimes you would get lonely.
Our first album we ever recorded,
Kevin spent a suspicious amount of time in the bathroom, multiple times a day.
We later found out that there was a stack of Playboy magazines in his bathroom.
It's the only time Kevin had a solo act.
[audience laughs]
Boom!
[chuckles]
Now, I was very lucky to have Kevin as an older brother.
He taught me so much about life.
Like, it's okay if you don't have one.
[audience] Oh!
Hi, Nick.
Nothing has changed with Nick since we were kids.
Even the size of his tiny wiener.
Nick, if it wasn't for you, we wouldn't be a band.
We would just be three brothers who loved each other
and didn't constantly talk shit about your ego.
[Joe laughs]
-Oh, this is so fun! -[audience cheers]
I love it!
I'm just so glad I don't live with them anymore.
This makes it so much easier. [laughs]
Oh! Even as a kid, Nick has always been the most serious one in the family.
He's almost as serious as his nipples are massive.
[audience shrieks with laughter]
[Nick] It's fake.
Fake news!
It's fake.
I'll show you right now. They're not that big.
And we all know this is just a meme someone photoshopped.
We don't know who it was.
[whispers] Or do we?
Nick's always been an old soul in a young body.
More adult than any of us, I gotta tell you that.
Even now, Nick is ten years younger than his wonderful wife Priyanka,
who's in the house.
Oh, shit. That reminds me. We got to make this quick.
It's a school night,
and I promised Priyanka we'll get him home for curfew.
-Oh! [laughs] -[Joe] I'm terribly sorry. We're on that.
Look, I really don't believe there's such a thing as the middle child syndrome.
I guess that's easy for me when… [chuckles] …Kevin's my older brother,
and my little brother's a little bitch.
[Kenan] Drop the mic, man. Yeah!
[audience cheering and applauding]
[Kenan] Joe Jonas, ladies and gentlemen.
That was fire.
-And last but definitely not least-- -Kenan! Kenan!
Great job.
I have had enough!
Nick Jonas, folks.
[audience cheering and applauding]
[Nick] Joe…
I will show the class my nipples to prove they are not that big.
-[audience cheering] -Hey! Let's go! Let's go!
And I am only a little bitch
on some days of the week.
So thank you all so much for coming to witness
the Jonas Brothers Family Breakup!
You know, the last time we did this, it was way less funny.
Pete Davidson wasn't here, I'll tell you that much.
And Netflix didn't even pay us.
I mean, we broke up for free.
Who in their right minds would do that?
No. But we're not breaking up yet, I promise.
[audience cheers]
You see, we nailed it last time.
After the band split,
we were all able to grow and follow our own passions,
branch out creatively, artistically.
For instance, Joe started his band, DNCE, which was amazing.
[audience cheers]
And Kevin…
Kevin was very busy…
starting his beautiful family with Danielle, his wife.
They have two daughters, Alena and Valentina.
But the sad thing is, and most of you don't know this,
is that when Kevin was starting his family,
he had to put his side business on the back burner for a while.
And what was his side business, you might ask?
Set in the early years of the Jonas Brothers,
when we were wearing those purity rings,
Kevin started a very scandalous side business
to make a little cash on the side.
No, it wasn't music or acting.
It was a male escort service.
What?
Don't worry.
He remained pure.
He just did mouth stuff.
-[Priyanka] I can't. -Sorry, Dad. [chuckles]
Come on. We all know Kevin wasn't a male escort.
He was the virgin!
We all had our title.
I was the shy one.
Uh, Joe was the cute one.
And Kevin was the virgin.
But it's cool, Kev. You milked that for all it was worth.
You played it well, sir.
But you know, it was around this time,
that you really started coming into your own…
hand.
[sighs] Joe, on the other hand, was a male escort.
Only, nobody was paying him.
He did it for free.
Sorry, Joe, I'm not slut shaming you. I promised you I wouldn't,
you dirty man-whore, you.
But I'm so glad you found love.
Of course.
[audience cheers]
Kevin, for years you were able to carve out your own space
as the married guy.
But now, we've taken that away from you too.
No, it's okay. Maybe your thing could be reality TV.
You had your show, Married to Jonas with your wife Danielle.
And you were on one whole episode of Celebrity Apprentice.
Until Donald Trump fired you.
And that is actually the only thing Donald Trump and I have in common.
I love you guys. Come on down here. We're not breaking up.
Come on.
[Kenan] Nick Jonas, everybody. That was awesome, buddy.
-["Sucker" playing] -Glad that wasn't awkward.
We just want to say thank you very much
to Sophie Turner,
Danielle Jonas,
Priyanka Chopra Jonas.
Ladies and gentlemen, that was the Jonas Brothers Family Roast.
Goodnight!
Hey, merchandise. Get your merchandise right here.
Jonas Brothers, hey! Gentlemen.
Can I please interest you in some fine Jonas Brothers merchandise?
I think we're all set.
Speaking of being all set, your life will not be complete
without this Jonas Brothers six-piece hair set.
Hmm? Eighty bucks.
Eighty dollars? It's just a hunk of plastic.
It is a collector's item.
And it will be worth a lot of money… [chuckles]
…when you die.
And speaking of life, oh, these Jonas Brothers slippers.
They give me life. Oh!
Nick, you know, I think they're just your size.
Okay, my feet are slightly bigger than that.
You know, shoe size is a myth. But it's okay.
-It's only $50. -Fifty dollars?
Per slipper. It's a two-piece.
Look, man, thank you for finding all this old merch of ours
and trying to resell it to us. But I'm kind of hungry.
Uh, you know, I'm gonna get something to eat.
Hey, you hungry? I got you covered. Mira, Jonas Brothers lunchbox. [laughs]
Wow, my daughter would love this.
And for $15, I'll throw in the snacks.
We'll think about it. We do got to go.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
How about this, an official, one-of-a-kind Nick Jonas wallet?
I think that's just my wallet.
I left it in the green room. Did you take my wallet?
Take. Borrow. You're getting it back. Eh…
For $200.
Dude. Are you kidding me?
You know what? Never mind. Just take it. Just take it because I like you.
Even though the last song… Eh! Okay, how about this?
An official… [chuckles] …Joe Jonas doll.
Wait, hold up. Where's the Nick and Kevin Camp Rock singing dolls?
People really will enjoy playing with the Kevin doll.
Keep telling yourself that, Kev.
[sighs] Oh, look, one more thing.
[chuckles] Mmm!
I'm a sucker for you. [laughs]
Mine sounds better. There's more where that came from.
-Thank you. -All right.
-Okay. -See ya.
I'm actually gonna grab a couple things. Be back later.
Hm-hmm.