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Man: How is the volume and stuff now?
- The volume's good. - Cool. Here we go.
All right. One, two, three, that's hot.
This is Paris.
Paris Hilton. Paris.
This is Paris Hilton.
How many voices do I have?
Man: That's pretty good.
Woman: That was your real voice.
This is Paris Hilton.
No, this is.
( laughter )
- "No, this is." - This is Paris Hilton.
Paris ( bleep ) Hilton.
This is Paris ( bleep ) Hilton!
( music playing )
♪ Listen to the girl ♪
♪ As she takes on half the world ♪
Barbara Walters: Paris Hilton is a new breed of celebrity,
famous for being famous.
Matt Lauer: She is the great granddaughter
of the hotel magnate Conrad Hilton,
a model, and a gossip column favorite.
- Paris! - Paris! Go, girl.
Anderson Cooper: Hilton mania climaxed this week.
More than 13 million people watched her show "The Simple Life."
That's hot. That's hot. That's hot.
Man: Paris Hilton is everywhere!
Man 2: Washing her Bentley, eating a Carl's Jr. burger.
Man 3: America has embraced Paris' brand.
♪ I can do ♪
David Letterman: All you hear people talking about, the Paris Hilton sex video.
♪ For you ♪
Woman: Paris is an irresistable punchline.
Red: Wow, that's really her! Paris, over here!
Wendy: I don't get it. What does she do?
She's totally spoiled and snobby.
- What does she do? - ♪ For you ♪
You ditched the old blonde girl going to parties image.
You've now become this big business woman.
17 product lines.
You're going to start a hotel chain.
- Not a Hilton chain, your one. - Paris: Yes.
Piers Morgan: This is big business.
- That's hot. That's hot. - That's hot.
- Loves it. - Loves it.
You're the number one female DJ in the world,
and you get paid $1 million per DJ gig.
The life you have now, I mean, is it everything you want it to be?
Is there a next level?
♪ Just like honey ♪
Okay, shoes.
Diamond, come here, honey.
I love you.
Paris: When I first started this film,
I honestly don't even recognize that person anymore.
Ever since we started shooting this,
I've realized a lot more about myself.
I'm nervous. I'm shaking.
It's hard to even eat
'cause my stomach is just, like, turning.
I don't know. It's something that's very personal
and not something I like talking about.
I feel like the whole world thinks they know me
because I've been playing this character for so long.
I've always heard that people hang out at Walmart.
- Why? What is Walmart? - I don't know.
It's, like, they sell wall stuff?
- What is it? - Did you really?
That's not me.
No one really knows who I am.
Something happened in my childhood
that I've never talked about with anyone.
I still have nightmares about it.
I wish I could bring, like, a camera into my dreams
and, like, show you what it's like. It's--
- it's terrifying... - ( shuddering )
...and I relive that every night.
( whimpering )
I experienced it
and to this day I'm still traumatized.
And I think the only way to have these nightmares stop
is to do something about it.
All right, here we go.
I'll just be normal. Sorry, I'm so used to, like, playing a character
that it's, like, hard for me to, like, be normal.
I always, like, when a camera's around, like, turn into someone else.
We're driving to my grandfather's house.
My grandfather doesn't know we're shooting there.
Like, he has no idea. Like, he's-- hates cameras.
I did not inherit that part from him.
( music playing )
You're so-- Diamond!
I love you.
When I talk, do you want me looking in the camera
- or just looking off camera? - Right past it.
I'm gonna be next to it. Talk to me.
- Okay. - All right, can we--
Go back. Do it again. Real walk, Paris.
What do you mean? I'm not on a runway?
So cute that he put this up.
These pictures are so classic.
This is my grandfather Barron
and his brother Nicky Hilton
and my grandmother Marilyn.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Glued all the crystals on myself.
There's me with Nancy Reagan and my parents.
My family has always been very conservative.
Being part of this family,
it's a lot of pressure,
it's a lot of weight,
because I feel like I'm carrying on a legacy.
Dad: Oh, wow. Look at Paris.
Woman: Honey, a cashmere sweater.
( indistinct chatter )
Well, my great-grandfather and my grandfather
created an insane empire of hotels.
And growing up, that was a lot to live up to.
It was hard to just, like, totally be myself.
- Dad: Hi, Stars. - Paris: I was nicknamed Star.
Dad: What are you excited about, Star?
Because I was his first baby,
my dad always was filming everything,
so I just remember always having a camera around.
- I was a little girl... - Kiss the bunny.
...who was just this free spirit.
I had not been through any trauma yet.
- ( squeals ) - Give me a pretty face.
Give me a nice face.
Kyle Richards: Paris came over,
and I always would do her makeup.
I think there was probably too much focus
when she was little on how beautiful she was, honestly.
- You want to see a pretty face? - Yeah.
A cute one?
This is a little cute face.
- And what's your face then? - A little poopie face.
( laughing )
( music playing )
Paris: Growing up, my mom and her sisters
were child actresses and models.
Good-bye, Tommy.
My grandmother was a single mom,
and my mom was a model ever since she was a baby.
There's just so many beautiful photos of her when she was a little girl.
( indstinct chatter )
My grandmother saw something in me...
- Action! - Hi, Susan.
Hi, baby.
...always making me feel
that I can be whoever I wanted to be.
Excuse me? Are you that famous actress?
- Mm-hmm. - What's your name again?
Paula Abdul.
Bo Derek?
- Here's a short one. - Star, I want to put these on first.
I don't want these on there.
But my mom didn't want me in the modeling and acting worlds,
and I think she just wanted something different for me.
You cannot take these things 'cause these are mine.
Well, I'm gonna get them scanned,
No, I'm saying these things are mine.
That's so cute. Am I, like, 11 here?
Like, nine. Now, here's you starting to walk.
When you were-- this was your first birthday.
And you know how I know that you talked?
We would say, "Paris, who's the president of the United States?"
- Do you remember what you'd say? - I was one.
- Do you think I'm gonna remember? - You'd say Bushy George.
Paris: I look at my mom and dad and they've been together
since my mom was 15.
My mom was 19 when she had me.
Kathy: We always loved the city Paris,
and we wanted a beautiful, unique name.
And we looked at her and we said, "This is Paris."
Rick is very private
and I don't think he was really comfortable
doing an interview
and explaining his life story or his family's.
The Hilton family, there are eight children.
The first five, they got millions
and millions of dollars.
And then the three younger ones,
they did not.
Dad: Here we are at the new Staircase location.
So my husband and I, you know, we worked.
- Dad: Hello, honey. - Hi.
Paris: My mom just wanted my sister and I
to be, like, these little princesses.
I went to Catholic school for most of my childhood.
All: I remember.
My mom always taught me to be very proper,
private, and to always portray
that everything was perfect.
( indistinct chatter )
My mom just wanted me to be a Hilton...
...and I just wanted to be Paris.
Alpha, Beta, Charlie, take one.
Can I just preface this by saying I don't do these types of interviews?
I've-- in the past 20 years,
I've chosen to not really partake in them.
But in order for this to be genuine and authentic,
there's no one in the world that knows her better than me.
It's so funny, because her brand
is a lot more glamorous than she is.
( groans )
She's a chick who likes to scrapbook
at home with her dogs, eat leftovers.
Yasss.
She sounds like Homer Simpson.
No, but she's very normal.
- Paris, let's ( bleep ) go. - I know.
- Move it for the animals. - Ahh!
- Brush my fangs. - I don't want to be late.
It's my most normal thing in the world to be late.
- I don't even know how we're related. - ( laughs )
- Bye, guys. Love you. - All: Bye.
- Dude, I don't have a little square. - Bye, guys!
I have no square, so I'm bringing all these wires.
- Paris is addicted to drama. - Oh, no, no, no, no!
Go. I'm not leaving my sunglasses. I can't.
- You are going to a ( bleep ) animal banquet, Paris. - I know, but I need them.
- No, you do not need them. - Yes I do. It'll take one--
They're on the table. Please?
Always has to be fast-paced and going,
and even leaving the house, and losing the phone,
and running back to get the laptop.
There's always some form of dramedy.
- I'm going in the car. - I swear to God, they're right on the counter.
God damn it. It's this ( bleep ) purse.
My gorgeous sisters on our way to the Animal Haven Charity.
I can't even fake a smile right now 'cause you're so annoying. Let's go!
You just ruined the whole Snap.
Sorry, I'm a little late, but--
- Are you mad at me? - Yes.
( whispers ) I'm scared.
I'm sorry.
It's rude.
I know.
I apologize.
Nicky! Okay, no fighting, you guys.
I'm not going to film if we fight.
- Nicky: Growing up, we were different. - Let go!
I was definitely more girly.
While I was more into sneaking into my mom's closet
and playing with her clothes and her shoes,
Paris was more a tomboy.
( laughter )
She has this persona that she's this sexy,
you know, bombshell,
but she really is, like, a boy at heart.
Dad: Oh, is that how you're dressed tonight?
- It looks good. - I'm wearing your shorts, Dad.
( Dad laughs )
Nicky: Her and my dad were always doing just fun,
weird, animal-related things.
Dad: I knew they'd be over here with the penguins.
Look at the other ones wondering what that is.
Kathy: She would save up her money to buy monkeys,
snakes, ferrets, everything,
and once she let the snake
out of the cage at the Waldorf.
Did she ever tell you about how she had a goat?
A pet goat hidden in my grandfather's tennis court?
Or the little monkey that got out
hanging up on the chandelier?
Ladies, together this way. Together this way.
This cat does not like dogs.
Nicky: She's so sweet, she's so fun,
but she's been through a lot.
We think you're amazing for using your celebrity to help animals.
I like animals more than people.
- Okay. - Yes.
Nicky: They say trauma,
the mind may forget, but the body never forgets.
And it's trapped in you.
And it can come out whenever.
I don't want to bring 30 bags.
That's insane.
You've been saying this for as long as I've known you.
- I know. - And you keep doing that.
- I'm gonna change. - Sure. No. No.
- No. - I can just put, like, a little thing here.
- Jen: When do you leave? - Tonight.
Paris: In my life, I've never really looked back at the past.
I've always looked toward the future,
building my business, and creating my own brand.
I have 19 product lines.
Skincare, makeup,
every type of product you can imagine.
My fragrances have done almost $3 billion in sales.
I travel over 250 days a year all around the world.
- Sammy: We have, like, 30-minute hard out. - All right.
I don't need to bring every single one of these.
What country am I going to? I should find out.
Korea, London, Paris, Monaco, Geneva.
- Monaco, Copenhagen. - Switzerland.
- Copenhagen? - Isn't she going to Copenhagen?
What?
All of these brands
are always sending me clothes
because they want me to post about them--
a different outfit every couple hours of the day.
That's a part of being an influencer.
I've never been photographed in the same thing twice.
Half an hour to pack all this.
No.
And I need sunglasses with every outfit and purses.
Oh, my God, I didn't even think about that.
I need to ride in a car every day and all I have is gowns.
I sound like the biggest brat.
No, I literally-- all I have is gowns.
Hey.
- Five more minutes. - Five minutes?
( groans ) I'm so--
You're gonna miss your flight. Seriously.
Paris, you're really seriously gonna miss the flight.
- What time's the flight for real? - Rosie: 11:00.
- Yeah, right. - Yes.
- Are you ( bleep ) with me? - No, I--
- I thought it was 11:45. You guys are lying. - Sammy: Swear.
Swear?
I can tell when you're lying.
You guys always do this to me three hours early.
Please say it's 11:45 and I'll leave.
I'm leaving.
Are we gonna make it?
Do not let go of this bag.
This is another bag? Oh, my God.
No, Paris, do not let go of this bag because--
- Oh, my money. - Yeah, you cannot let go of that bag.
- Okay. - Please, I mean...
That-- do not let go of that bag.
- Paris: I love you guys. - Love you.
- Wish me luck. - Good luck.
( music playing )
( cheering )
Thank you very much.
Hi.
Oh, my God. Good to see you.
Oh, my God, you're so beautiful.
- I miss you. - It's so good to see you.
I'm so happy to see you girls.
- I love you so much. - Love you.
Can you say it one more time?
Like, "See you next time," or "See you tomorrow."
See you guys tomorrow. I love you.
Yasss.
My two fans are so cute.
They flew 30 hours to get here.
So sweet.
( indistinct chatter )
My fans all around the world
named themselves the Little Hiltons.
- I love my girls. - We love you so much.
Yasss.
I feel less alone when my Little Hiltons are there.
Oh, man.
Well, look who we have here.
The billion-dollar badass boss bitch
is landed in Korea.
So, what's your message to your fans?
What's up, Sheeraz? What's up, everyone?
I am so excited to be in Korea.
We're gonna have the best time.
The Paris Hilton Skincare launch.
Yes.
Oh, my God.
D'oh.
Oh, my God.
Hello.
( screaming )
Oh, picture! Wow! Wow, okay.
- Okay. - You want me to do it, honey?
- Oh, yeah! Yes, yes. - Yes.
Love you.
Paris: I've just been on camera my whole life, basically.
But I also do get nervous,
especially when it's big crowds of people.
Man: Hello, Paris. How are you?
Man 2: Oh, Paris, you should be in the roller derby.
- Let's see you skate. - They're so fun.
When I was a teenager, it was probably my dream
to be chased by paparazzi.
- Thank you, Paris. - Uh-huh.
I finished my roll on a beautiful lady.
Aww. Bye, boys. Good night.
When I was 18, I was going to clubs and parties
and being photographed.
Matt Lauer: In the gossip papers in Los Angeles,
you and your sister have been a staple.
Why are people so fascinated with you?
People always ask me that, and I don't know.
I'm just living my life.
But after "The Simple Life," the paparazzi were insane.
Man: Hey, Paris! Hollywood.TV, Paris. Hello!
Man 2: How was lunch, Paris?
Hasan: I built the foundation of one of the biggest
paparazzi companies in the world on the back of Paris Hilton.
I had over 100 guys in Los Angeles,
all of them making a living off Paris Hilton.
For a photograph, at that time,
it could range between 50,000, up to a million dollars.
- Paris, hi, sweetie! - Paris, you're looking beautiful.
If you know that you can make
a million dollars in one day,
what does it look like?
It's war.
- ( shouting ) - What the ( bleep )?
Woman: Photographers at war at the Istanbul airport.
Paris caught in the middle.
- Help! - Let her in! Let her in!
Paris: Sometimes I would just get in the car and be alone
and just, like, breathe and just be like,
"Okay. Made it."
And sometimes I would pull out my camcorder,
and I'm, like, filming them.
"Do you like this? Do you like how this feels?"
- Look at the paparazzi next to us in the car. - Man: In the car?
- Bye. - Insane.
I feel like that was the height of everything.
Can I get a picture with you?
Thank you. I love your dog.
Thank you.
Kim Kardashian West: Paris really started that movement
of having paparazzi follow your every move.
I wouldn't be here today if it hadn't been for,
number one, her starting off in the reality world,
and her introducing me to the world.
- Paris, how are you today? - Good, thank you.
Good, you look great. Kim, you look awesome.
Woman: We love you, Paris! Woohoo!
Kim: I think the best advice that she ever could've given me
was just watching her.
( crowd cheering )
Paris: Even though it was so hectic and insane and just non-stop...
- Hi. - Hi.
...I also loved the attention...
Paris, I love you.
- ...and the love. - Paris! Whoo!
'Cause I felt like that was love.
- Love you! - Love you.
( cheering )
Paris: Eventually, I decided that I didn't want
to be a reality star.
Like, I wanted to focus more on my business.
( crowd shouting )
And I decided that I wanted to control my whole image.
Hasan: I remember 2004, around that time,
she was, like, grabbing her camera,
taking a picture of herself.
I didn't even know what a selfie was.
All the things that people are doing today with social media,
the first person was Paris Hilton.
( indistinct chatter )
Paris: Everyone says I'm the original influencer,
but sometimes I feel like I helped create a monster.
This is so awkward.
What is happening?
- Good hug. - Do we get a goodie bag?
I think there is.
Can I hold your shoulder, please?
Thank you, love.
- Thank you. - So nice to meet you.
Gorgeous.
What's next?
Man: And three, two, one.
♪ I'm losing it ♪
( laughs )
Yeah?
God.
"Wake refreshed." Yeah.
In my dreams.
I never wake refreshed.
( bleep ).
So ( bleep ) tired.
( sniffs )
So tiring.
I'm just literally-- my mind is going through
what the upcoming months are, and it's nonstop.
Travel all around the world, and I've seen nothing
except hotel rooms, club, stores.
I don't even know who I am sometimes.
I'm always...
kind of...
putting on this, you know, facade
or just like happy and perfect life.
Just had this plan, and then created this brand
and this persona and this character,
and I've been stuck with her ever since.
And, like, I didn't used to be that way.
( sniffles )
( sighs )
I'm so full.
Where is my blanket?
Ow.
I have horrible insomnia.
( moans )
I'm scared to go to bed at night.
No, uh-- yes.
Finally.
I always have this recurring nightmare...
no matter what I do.
I'm in bed and these two people come into my room...
( footsteps )
( screams )
...and say, "Do you want this to happen
the easy way or the hard way?"
I'm trying to just run.
I think I slept, like, three hours.
The nightmare was, like-- felt so real.
I was just screaming and crying
and telling people-- someone to help me.
And...
and I just ran.
Just thinking about it today,
I don't really know many genuine people
besides, like, my fans,
like Paulina and Alex.
Like, when they talk to me, it's like--
not even my real friends would say that.
Woman: But can they care for you?
Can they care for me?
What do you mean?
Is that enough?
No.
- When do you bounce? - Tonight.
What were you here? 72 hours?
- What is it, Thursday? - Yeah.
I speak to you, you say you're going to bed.
Then I'll wake up and I'll see you
posting an Instagram at, like, 6:00 AM,
and I know you haven't slept.
- I can't sleep. - Why?
My mind won't stop moving.
You need to go on a vacation.
I've told you this for 15 years.
You've never listened in the 15 years.
I haven't went on a vacation--
Go to Hawaii with no phone...
- Yeah, right. - ...and just chill.
- I can't. - Why?
Because the schedule's too busy.
I haven't been on a vacation in--
Because you're greedy and you won't turn down a check.
I'm not greedy, I just-- I love making money.
I think I come off tough sometimes with her.
But I feel I have to 'cause she has so many
"yes people" and kiss-asses around her
that I'm gonna tell her the truth.
Wanna show her your room?
Yeah, I want to see your room.
Do you think you'll ever have kids?
( sighs ) Um...
I thought I was going to have one.
But every time I'm with you and I'm with them, I'm like--
- it makes me so depressed. - I know.
It's not for everybody.
You've never been the most conventional gal.
No.
But I still-- I don't want to be, like--
- Bye. - Bye? Can I have a hug?
Nicky: Aww. Give one big hug.
- I love you. - I love you.
- Love you, Lily Grace. - I love you.
Bye, honey. Have fun.
They're so sweet, and it's so fun.
You just get to relive everything that you did,
- like watching cartoons in the morning. - I still do that.
Having Lucky Charms and Cap'n Crunch.
I still do that. Alone.
See, I don't feel that bad for you,
because I feel like if you wanted kids
and you wanted a husband,
you would find a way to make it happen.
Maybe you don't want it.
You think society expects that of you.
But if you don't genuinely want it,
it's a lot of responsibility.
- I just don't want to miss that opportunity... - I know.
- ...to never do it. - I know.
- Yeah. - At least I had my eggs frozen.
Yeah, thank God.
I definitely want to have a girl first, name her London,
but I just don't know when I'm gonna have time.
Like, I will not stop until I make a billion dollars,
and then I think I can relax.
I know that sounds crazy.
I don't know, I just don't want to have to worry.
I don't want to ever have to worry about anything.
And you're happy?
Sometimes.
You don't seem that happy lately.
Really?
I don't know what to do.
When you have to travel every day, basically,
to maintain a relationship,
unless you're gonna have some bitch boy
following me around like they always do...
- Mm-hmm. - ...and I lose all respect for them.
- Immediately. - They become emasculated, I'm, like--
You need to date an equal.
- But I feel like I need more-- - You can't control an equal.
- I don't like that. - You're so-- well, Paris.
- Because I'm scared. - The definition of insanity
is doing the same thing over and over
and expecting different results.
Okay, well, I've been doing the same thing.
And you're insane.
I'm not insane, but, I don't know.
I'm just-- I'm freaked out by people.
Especially men.
Matt Lauer: A sex video showing Paris and her ex
was released to media outlets
and is circulating on the Internet.
All of this without her consent.
These sex videotapes are all over the Internet.
How many of you have seen them? I've seen them.
( applause, laughter )
She-- I don't know, she seems like a very personable young woman.
( laughter )
That was a private moment
with a teenage girl...
...not in her right headspace,
but everyone was watching it and laughing
like it's something funny.
That poor family.
To have your daughter do a porno film
in a Marriott hotel? I mean, it's--
( laughter, applause )
We lived in a hotel
where the "New York Daily News," the "New York Post"
was on everyone's front door, down the whole hall.
So, on days where it was a cover story,
I would run down the hall first
and flip every newspaper over
so they didn't have to see it.
I was in bed a lot.
I didn't want to, like, get up and take the kids to school.
You know, face other people.
If that happened today...
it would not be the same story at all.
But they made me the bad person,
like, I did something bad.
It was my first real relationship.
Eighteen.
I was just so in love with him
and I wanted to make him happy.
And I just remember him just pulling out the camera.
And he was kind of pressuring me into it,
like, "Oh, you're so boring,"
like, "Do you want me to just call someone else?
No one will ever see it."
You know, in the beginning, they said that I raped her,
and she was incapacitated and you couldn't see
the whites of her eyes.
I have a full color version on trustfundgirls.com.
Trustfundgirls.com.
You can see it was two people in love enjoying sex.
Everybody has sex. And it's, you know, two people
very much in love and having a good time.
It was like being electronically raped.
Hey, Paris.
And for people to think that I did it on purpose--
because after that
all of these leaked tapes were coming out,
and it almost became like a blueprint to become famous.
I don't know.
Like, I didn't need to do that.
Like, I always had a plan.
My grandmother always called me Grace Kelly
and Marilyn Monroe,
and I always wanted to live up to that for her.
That was my dream.
It was going to come true.
And I just felt, when that happened
that took it all away from me.
I think one of her biggest struggles is trust.
She's been betrayed so many times.
So she has a real tough time
trusting people and letting people in.
Spycams.
I'm doing this because I have a new boyfriend
who's going to be here while I'm gone.
I do want to know what's happening when I'm not here.
Put this on the phone so it's live.
- ( door bell rings ) - ( humming )
- Hi, babe. - Hello.
Yes.
- Welcome back. - Hello. Thank you.
Okay.
It does not stop.
I know. I'm happy you're here.
Did you get rest on the plane at least?
- No. - Why, you were too excited?
Okay.
I'll talk to you when I get there.
Wish me luck.
I met Aleks in Miami
and we were at Ultra Music Festival.
And I just saw him and thought he was handsome.
He's visited me in L.A. twice,
which was a big deal to me
because after my last relationship
I was basically planning on being single the rest of my life.
But I don't want to be seen in public together yet.
I'm not ready for that.
- ( phone ringing ) - My mom.
Hello?
You're two blocks away?
Oh, yeah, what time is Chris coming?
Shit. Well, it's 7:30 now.
Kathy: Text her. Just say, "I'm running a few minutes behind
and I would like to see you."
- Okay. - Love you, bye.
Love you, bye.
Paris: My mom treats me like I'm 12,
so I literally am, like, forever a teenager in my mind.
She just wrote me.
"Get down here, young lady."
Because it's my event, I have people already
been waiting for, like, an hour and a half,
so I don't want to piss them off.
Thank you, sweetheart. What was your name?
- Alexis. - Shit. Hi, Alexis. Nice to meet you.
- Pleasure. - Paris. A little stressed.
( music playing on speakers )
- My mom? - Hi, honey. Mwah.
- Yes. - You look beautiful!
Oh, my God, you smell so good.
Woman: A couple right here.
Kathy: Just watching and seeing her today...
Man: Paris, on the left.
...all the rhinestones,
all the costumes she's attracted to,
it's like a little Disney child.
Yet...
I don't know.
It's like a shield or a cover.
She's probably one of the most intelligent people you'll ever meet.
She's extremely brilliant,
and the mask is sometimes putting up
the stupid persona or the voice.
I-- I just want to know where it stems from.
Okay, I'm doing my trick.
Looking back, I always thought
that she was going to be a veterinarian.
"I want to be a dog doctor,
a cat doctor, a bird doctor."
Which is such a change from,
like, 13 to 15.
Dad: Good morning, guys.
Merry Christmas Eve.
Good morning, Mom.
Stars, turn around. Show me what you got.
Look at Dad.
- That's pretty, Paris. - Here, Dad.
Paris: When my sister and I were teenagers,
we moved to New York.
I was the new girl at school.
I dealt with a lot of bullying
and the girls kind of ganging up on me
and being mean to me.
In New York, there's the socialite scene.
Everyone knew who I was.
My mom had us go to etiquette classes.
So we basically were taught how to be debutantes.
It's very proper, very prim,
almost like a Stepford wife.
It just didn't seem real or natural to me.
I wasn't allowed to go out or go on dates
or school dances
because my parents were so strict.
No dating, no makeup, no this, no that.
Everyone had late curfews.
"No." You had to be home early.
"No, no, no, no."
And then finally she was just like...
"I'm doing what I want."
Kathy: In New York, 14, 15, 16,
everything that I didn't want her to do,
she wanted to do.
Getting into modeling,
and I was just like, "No, no, no, no.
Not-- no, no. Not a good scene."
Paris: I always loved Patricia Field and Betsey Johnson.
It was kind of like this whole fashion dream world for me.
The pink hair and glitter and the shortest little skirts,
that's how I was dressing.
Kathy: She'd buy wigs,
necklaces that said "Sexy,"
"Hot bitch."
What?
I'm thinking, "No, no. This is--
this is too much for me.
This is crazy."
Paris: And then I got a really good fake ID.
Nicky: She was just gone in the night.
And my mother would be up all night
calling every nightclub, threatening them.
Paris: I think I just got addicted to the night life.
I felt accepted.
I just felt like--
like the queen of the night.
( music playing )
( crowd chattering )
( music continues )
And that's where I really became Paris.
( crowd cheering )
Finally I locked her in the room.
I was afraid she could run into a predator,
get kidnapped.
Fear, to me, is the most powerful feeling there is.
Fear.
More than pain, more than love,
more than hate, more than like,
more than-- fear.
And I thought, "This was the worst mistake ever,
moving here.
I gotta get her out of here."
I was just a kid living in New York,
going to high school.
Obviously, ditching a lot of class, whatever.
But I feel like my parents were scared
and they didn't want their reputations to be ruined
because Page Six was writing all these stories.
So I felt like I was just kind of sent away to be hidden.
Announcer: All you ever wanted
was the best for your child.
I first sent her to an outdoor wilderness program.
Announcer: It's for teenage boys and girls
needing a change of attitude and direction.
Paris: There's all these places
called emotional growth schools.
The first place was in the middle of nowhere.
We were building other camps,
basically doing manual labor all day long.
It was just constant yelling at,
like, boot camp style.
So I whispered to one of the girls, like,
"Let's get out of here tonight."
She got away.
Paris: We ran through cornfields, through mountains.
The guys that worked at the camp grabbed us,
and then we got back and they literally
just beat the hell out of us in front of everyone,
just to let everyone know if you run away,
this is what happens.
And then they sent me to this other place,
which was hell, too,
and I ran away from there.
Kathy: She jumped down an entire flight of stairs.
- ( horns honking ) - ( tires screech )
Nicky: They shut down highways,
they shut down the airport.
Paris; I escaped from Ascent, Cascade, CEDU,
all of these emotional growth schools.
We're just spending all our time trying to figure out,
where do we-- should we move to the moon?
What do we do?
And I'm like, "Please can I just go home?
I've already been through so much.
I promise I'll never go to a club again.
Please? I can't go back to these places.
You have no idea."
There was no convincing them, no matter what I said.
So I just didn't trust them.
It made me not trust anyone, not even my own family.
Even to this day, it's really hard for me to let anyone in.
- Comfortable? - Yes.
I'm, like, scared, like, I haven't got
to experience, like, real life.
Like having a family and being, like, in love.
( laughs )
I want to change.
Yes.
Where are we going? To the yacht?
Aye-aye, Captain.
♪ Every time I look ♪
♪ Over my shoulder ♪
♪ I'm getting bolder ♪
- ♪ Every time I look over my shoulder ♪ - Hi, boys.
♪ I'm getting bolder ♪
Yeah!
♪ If you want my loving, then you better start running ♪
♪ If you, if you, if you ♪
♪ If you want my loving, then you better start running ♪
The German saved the phone.
Oh.
My last vacation was probably
when I was, like, 15,
like, with my family.
It's just been nonstop work,
and I felt like I needed to do this for myself
or I'm going to lose it.
It's so beautiful. It's Mykonos. I love it here.
But for some reason, it's hard for me to relax.
( groans )
Phone.
Paris on recording: The sunset in Mykonos is insane.
- Loves it. - ( chuckles )
I put this new app on my phone which tells you,
like, the amount of time you spend on social media.
Usually I'm, like, up to here.
16 hours and 19 minutes.
When you add up all those hours in your life,
it's literally, like, years of your life
spent just, like, looking at a phone.
It's just beyond.
( indistinct chatter)
Hmm.
( chuckles )
That's nice.
It's so romantic.
( shutter clicks )
I think that's the best part of life
is falling in love and being in love.
It's the most incredible feeling in the world,
and I haven't felt it in so long.
Sometimes I feel like I've almost become numb to it.
I don't know.
With my last engagement, I was really happy in the beginning.
Woman: Paris Hilton's boyfriend of two years...
- Yes! - ...proposed with a $2 million
- 20 karat diamond ring. Wow. - Kathy Lee Gifford: Tell us about him.
Why is he the one? 'Cause you've-- you've tried a few.
( laughter )
You've taken a few test runs. Haven't we all?
Yeah, I finally found my perfect other half.
Paris: From the outside, it would look like just the perfect couple
because I'm be posting all these really happy photos and amazing quotes.
Woman: Paris Hilton addressing her split with Chris Zylka,
ending their engagement.
Paris: But deep down I just felt kind of trapped.
I think when you get married, you're forced to grow up.
I am afraid to grow up.
Look, I know I am grown up.
I don't know. I think after being at those schools,
you-- you lose your childhood.
Man: Paris! Paris!
DJ: Ladies and gentlemen, we're about to get the party started.
Yep, yep, yep.
We got Paris Hilton in this mother( bleep ),
and here we go.
( dance music playing on speakers )
Paris: What's up, Los Angeles?
Are you guys ready to have a good ( bleep ) time?
- DJ: Yep! - ( crowd cheering )
- Let's do this shit. - DJ: Yo.
( dance music continues )
Paris: I just feel like at night
is when I really come alive.
I love music and I love just to, like,
dance on the table and just have fun.
I just feel like I'm on top of the world.
I just feel so free and happy and alive,
like I'm a conductor of,
like, this whole orchestra of people,
controlling the room and just feeling all the love.
Whoo! I ( bleep ) love you guys.
When I'm playing, that's my time,
like, when I have fun.
- There's nothing like it. - ( cheering )
People talk shit and say that I'm not DJ-ing live.
- What's up, Brazil? - ( cheering )
At my first concert in Brazil for 30,000 people,
the guy came up for one second just to turn the volume,
and that picture just went viral.
It was like, "Paris wasn't DJ-ing.
This guy was doing it."
So I really have to, like, prove myself,
especially being a woman in this industry as well,
because it's, like, a boy's world.
So, I finally arrived in Belgium,
and, no, this is not some new filter that you haven't seen.
It's actually this, like, sick mask that I got.
And, um, I'm about to go to Tomorrowland.
I'm playing there on Sunday.
Let me change the color.
Ooh.
Okay, the pink is the best.
Anyway, I am just getting ready for the festival,
and I will see you at my set on Sunday
at Smash The House stage.
I'm scared. If this erases--
I've been practicing this set for, like, two months.
- Aleks: I know, but-- - ( bleep ) my life.
Oh, no. I think it's gone.
( music playing on speakers )
- ♪ This was only gonna hurt ♪ - It ( bleep ) works!
♪ If I want you ♪
Oh, my God. Okay.
( bleep ) We're supposed to leave in 17 minutes and 21 seconds.
( groans )
I am nervous as ( bleep ).
Every summer, I've been wanting to come here.
Tomorrowland is the most prestigious,
like, biggest festival in the world.
Like, there's nothing that compares to it.
So, to be playing at this is like--
I'm like, I can't believe it.
Oh, my God. Thank you so much.
- Me? Why? - Whoops.
- Yes, you're so-- - For what?
Because you're just very helpful and patient.
That's normal, babe.
And I know I'm a ( bleep ) nightmare to deal with.
- ( clatters ) - Jeez.
- She's a nightmare. - ( bleep )...
Love you, baby. It's all good.
Love you, too.
All right, let's do this. I'm hot.
Okay. Let's go!
Paris: I have not done a sound check.
Aleks: I can go and set it up.
You don't even know how to do it.
All right, here I go.
This shit changes the name to Tomorrow-( bleep )-land.
♪ If I told you ♪
♪ This was only gonna hurt ♪
Okay.
- ( music continues ) - ( bleep ), we're here.
What's happening? Where is everyone?
Woman: We can start if you want to.
The press? Let's just do the press
so we can get this over with and do everything.
But let's make sure the computer doesn't fall off
because I will, like, commit suicide.
Where's the press room?
Man: We are live at Tomorrowland,
and in the studio
we have Paris Hilton.
( cheering )
Man 2: This is Tomorrowland, One World Radio,
and we welcome to the studio Paris Hilton!
So, as we're celebrating 15 years at Tomorrowland,
what would 15-year-old Paris Hilton think of Tomorrowland?
I've been actually going to raves since I was 15.
So the 15-year-old, who I basically still am at heart,
would be raging balls here.
- Totally blown away by it, right? - Yes.
- Thank you. - Have fun.
Brilliant. Thank you. Sick mask.
Drink water, please.
Please.
Please don't stress me out. I'm really nervous as it is.
But, baby, I was just doing nine interviews. It's not my fault.
No, that was some-- that was some girl. She was a new artist.
- I can't say no to people. - Yes.
No. Babe, that's why I've been in this industry for 20 years.
Oh, honey, don't.
Well, I didn't even put my set together because I had no time
because I've been fighting the whole time.
Now? Let's go.
( music playing )
Babe!
It's nothing.
What do you mean, it's nothing?
Jesus Christ.
You can't just drop a computer before a set.
- What should happen? - We need to--
What should happen? Uh, the computer could break.
Please don't-- don't close it.
How should I keep it open?
How?
Can someone who's not gonna drop it take it?
Thank you. Please stop.
Do not do this before my set.
Aleks!
Can you tell him to chill the ( bleep ) out?
This is ( bleep ) up. I'm playing Tomorrowland.
He needs to chill the ( bleep ) out!
I'm sick of this shit!
I'm playing in six minutes!
So insecure.
- My glasses. - Stop!
Are you really doing that before my set?
Okay, then never speak to me again.
Tell him to chill the ( bleep ) out.
- ( music continues ) - ( indistinct chatter )
Please stop! I love you, please stop. Please stop, please.
- You don't love me. - I'm begging you! Stop!
Aleks.
I start in four minutes.
Please!
I start in three minutes! Do not ruin my set.
Can I have his ( bleep ) bracelets cut off?
Can we cut his bracelets off?
- What? - Can we cut his ( bleep ) bracelets off?
He's ( bleep ) ruining my entire set.
( music continues )
Okay, then stop. Please, please. I'm gonna start crying on my set.
It's all good. It's all good.
- God! - It's all good.
( music continues )
( cheering )
( cheering intensifies )
( applause )
What's up, Belgium?
Let's ( bleep ) do this.
( dance music playing )
Paris: Stop.
- Aleks: You did this. - Paris: I did this?
( bleep ) apologize.
Stop!
Get the ( bleep ) away from me!
Give me your ( bleep ) bracelets, you ( bleep ) ass( bleep ).
I want him out of here. He's ( bleep ) kicked out.
- Man: Really? - Done.
♪ I'm losing it ♪
Come on, let's go. In the van.
( music continues )
♪ I'm losing it ♪
Yeah!
♪ I'm losing it ♪
Yes!
I love you, Tomorrowland! Thank you!
Bye, Felicia.
Way too many computers.
This is not all, like, different relationships.
But any time I do have a new boyfriend,
I always get a full new computer
because they always break into my computers.
Or they'll scream at me and threaten me,
"Give me your password now."
One night, I was with one of my ex-boyfriends
and we got in a big fight.
I was on my computer ignoring him
because I felt really uncomfortable.
And he just grabbed it from me and just, like,
slammed it on the floor.
I should probably check and see if there's more.
Great. I just revealed my hiding place.
I've never used any of this stuff.
I just buy things and then people put them in here
and then I can't see anything
because no one organizes anything.
- Woman: You've got so much stuff. - Paris: Yeah.
Woman: And you're always saying to me
you need to make your billion dollars.
That that's what you're trying to do. Make a billion.
Paris: Yeah. To spend it.
That's just my goal in life.
Like, when I was a teenager,
I always wanted to make 100 million.
I was like, "When I do that, I'm gonna be happy."
And I think once you do your goal,
you just want to keep going more and more.
- Woman: And then what? - And then I'll be happy.
I'm happy now sometimes, but it is lonely.
- What about Aleks? - I told him that I'm just not ready
for something right now.
Like, I've never ripped someone's bracelets
off their arms at a music festival.
That's, like, one of the meanest things you could do to someone
is taking away their artist band.
But I just had had enough at that point.
A person can only take so much.
Like, anything that tries to control me is--
it can't have room in my life.
You know, she's such a beautiful person
and such a good girl, and I believe that
all of the things that she's gone through
have made her stronger.
And she would say things to me after,
like, "I still have nightmares.
I still in the middle of the night, I feel--"
You know, she would say that.
And I always take what people say
with a grain of salt.
Like, I think, "Yeah, it did bother her,
but it was our way of saving you."
What do you mean, solitary? What do you mean?
Are you serious?
She's never told me that.
In Utah?
- Oh, shit. - Jen: Whoa.
Popping bottles.
- Cheers, bitch. - Cheers. Again.
- I look beyond. - No, you do not.
The woman has been up since 5:00 in the morning.
I went to bed at 1:30.
- The woman looks amazing. - I woke up five times,
having nightmares as always--
I have, like, dreams of, like, my real life,
like, when I was, like, taken from my house,
like, by people and, like, being locked up somewhere.
( phone rings )
( door chime rings )
- Hi. - Hi.
- You look so gorgeous. - Thank you.
- What've you guys been doing? - Paris: Chilling.
Just thinking about life and why I have nightmares.
Remember that, like, random school I went to?
- Mm. In Salt Lake City? - Yeah.
Yeah. Remember, like, seven years ago,
I was in Europe, and I met someone
who was at one of those places with you
and I put you on the phone with him?
What did he say?
That you guys were at this place
and it was just, like, mental.
It was, like, abuse.
Dad: There's Paris. Here we are at Paris' school.
This is Starry's room.
Paris: Did you visit me there?
Nicky: I don't remember,
but then I saw a video.
Wasn't I there?
You don't remember it?
No.
I feel like we both blocked it out.
Mom and Dad always loved hiding things--
Everything.
They're the king and queen
of sweeping everything under the rug.
Yeah.
My parents always hid everything from us,
so I would listen on the phone.
That's how I got all my intel.
And I remember it was a school night,
it was the middle of the night,
and I just heard screaming bloody murder.
I knew there was a--
a takedown in the works.
I didn't know it was people
coming in and capturing her.
Paris: I thought I was being kidnapped.
I started screaming for my mom and dad,
like, "Help me,"
and no one came.
( screaming )
As they were taking me,
I saw my parents standing by their door, crying.
I was like, "Please help me. What's happening?"
And no one would tell me what was happening.
And then in the morning, it was breakfast,
and Paris didn't come to the breakfast table.
And my parents were, like, smiling, like, "Everything's fine."
And we didn't ask any questions.
And then I think they said she, like, went to boarding school.
Because they were always trying to
protect us and shield us.
Jen: Did you ever get, like, nervous that that would happen to you?
Because if they didn't really explain it to you
on why she was going away, did you ever feel like--
Well, she was very naughty.
- What? - She was.
Did you talk to her about things?
- Did you, like-- - I told on her with everything.
- Thanks, bitch. - I would listen on the phone.
Have you ever said sorry to Mom and Dad?
No.
- Like, hell-- - I went through hell, too.
I know.
Paris: The last school I went to was Provo Canyon School...
...and that was the worst of the worst.
Do you want a fake one or a real one?
There's no getting out of there.
You're sitting on a chair staring at a wall all day long
getting yelled at or hit.
I felt like a lot of the people who worked there
got off on torturing children
and seeing them naked.
They would prescribe everyone all these pills.
I didn't know what they were giving me.
I would just feel so tired and numb.
Some people in that place were just gone.
Like, the lights are on, no one's home.
A lot of people were on suicide watch,
and I was so scared that was gonna happen to me.
So, eventually,
I found out a way
to not take the pills.
But everyone would tell on everyone,
and they found a Kleenex with all of the pills in it...
...and I got in so much trouble for that.
Solitary confinement, like something out
of "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest."
( shivering )
They'd make people take their clothes off
and go in there, like, for 20 hours.
( shivering )
It felt like I was going crazy.
Someone was in the other room that was, like,
in a straitjacket, screaming.
I was just freezing, I was starving,
I was alone, and I was scared.
My parents were in New York.
They didn't know.
But I was so angry and so upset,
I just-- I hated them.
I was at Provo for 11 months,
and the only thing that saved my sanity
was thinking about what I wanted to do
and who I wanted to become when I got out of there.
I was gonna do everything in my power
to be so successful
that my parents could never control me again.
When I turned 18 and got out of Provo,
it was one of the happiest moments of my life.
I just wanted to be independent.
Make a name for myself and build my brand.
I knew that would be the ultimate freedom.
And that's when I met David LaChapelle.
( music playing )
David LaChapelle is one of the most iconic
photographers in the world.
David said, "We need to shoot at your grandparents' house."
I was like, "Totally. Like, we'll climb the gate.
I don't care. I'll open it."
So, basically, we're in this room
at around, like, 3:00 in the morning,
and he wanted it to be a strong picture.
I'm just like posing, like,
whatever, and I think he wanted to provoke me.
There was just a moment where he looked at me
and just said, like, "( bleep ) you," as a joke.
And then me going back, and I was like...
And that was the shot he used,
just that one instant.
Mom's calling him, freaking out.
So I was upset and I was scared.
But I think deep down
I just knew this is iconic.
"Vanity Fair" ended up doing a huge story on it.
This was before "The Simple Life,"
so this was basically how the world got to know me.
Coming out of Provo,
I was also, like, very traumatized.
I never spoke to my family about it.
I think all my anger
just went into my drive for success.
( sniffles, sighs )
It made me strong,
but when I think about it, it gives me anxiety.
It was really ( bleep ) hard.
I don't know.
Maybe inside my mind I was thinking, like...
what I was doing in the picture was like a big ( bleep ) you.
I don't know if my nightmares will ever go away.
But I do know that there's probably
hundreds of thousands of kids
who are going through the same thing right now.
And maybe if I can help stop their nightmares,
it will help me stop mine.
I haven't seen this person in 20 years.
Got my purse.
Part of going to those schools
and having nothing and everything taken away.
When I got out of there, I was like,
"I just want to have everything I want,
and, like, it's too much."
But, I don't know. When you get everything taken away,
you're just like, you're just-- I don't know.
I don't really appreciate it, everything,
and I want everything.
I've been looking for my old roommates
and people I became friends with there
and I'm meeting one of the survivors from the school.
I'm so ( bleep ) shy.
Woman: Are you nervous 'cause you're shy
or are you nervous 'cause you're nervous to start this?
Everything. It's a lot,
and I don't know what I'm walking into.
A couple years ago, when I started researching
and going into it and everything was coming back to me,
I wanted to do something, but at the same time,
I was like, "This is gonna hurt my brand.
I can't have this as part of my business,
and, you know, people won't understand."
But if I don't do this, it's gonna continue to happen
and I'm gonna continue to always be traumatized
and think about it for the rest of my life.
( door bell rings )
- Hi. - Hey, how's it going?
- Good. - Long time no see.
- Yeah. - I don't know if you recognize me.
- I looked very different back then. - Yes.
Hey.
- Thank you for coming. - Yeah, no problem.
It's weird that, like, a lot of survivors,
they wake up after, like, 15, 20 years
and, like, wow, like, it hits them
and they are ready to talk about it.
Yeah.
So, Provo Canyon School, it's been this beast
that's been around for 50 years.
But every once in a while, some employees would decide
that it's gonna be great if they open their own programs.
- Mm. - So PCS not only
is responsible for the kids they abuse,
but all these sister programs that branched out
and made the troubled teen industry.
There are other celebrities that went through PCS,
and I won't say their name, especially not on camera.
But, like, you're the first one to bravely speak up.
It needs to stop.
Like, I literally want to go there and be like,
"All right, we're going in
and we're taking all these kids out."
- With a big-- big bus. - Or try to talk to them, I don't know.
But I know-- I don't know what they'd--
they'd probably call the cops and go crazy.
So I was gonna show you, like, all the support you have
from Raina and Elizabeth.
Elizabeth actually looks just like she looked at PCS,
except, just like age regression.
Yes, I do remember her.
I still have nightmares. And it's been 20 years.
Do you remember Raina Hager?
Oh, yeah, I remember her, too.
The staff were abusive.
I think one thing I can say
is they tried really hard to break me.
And they caused a few cracks.
( chuckles )
I don't think I met your best friend there, but we did find her.
- Jessica. - Jessica.
She was such a badass.
I ended up in an abusive relationship after I left Provo.
I'm thinking maybe, like, being in places
where they're abusive to you,
would make you think that that's a normal way to be.
There's a bunch of police reports
we were able to gather.
Like, from 2011 to 2014,
56 calls of assault to Provo Canyon School.
And 25 calls to the police in regards to sexual offenses.
I'll also forward you-- if you want to show this to your parents at all...
Yeah, I love this. All right, I wanna...
I-- I'm just-- I'm just processing this again, um...
It's not easy.
We all have to get to that point
where we're ready to open up about it.
Yeah.
I don't know if you have nightmares,
but I have nightmares almost every night of me being taken.
Ever since I got kidnapped at 16,
like, a pin drops and I wake up.
This, like, hypervigilance of every situation,
and I think, like, I still take that with me
in, like, work, and stuff like that, where I'm like,
scoping out, like, how do I get out of here?
What's in the situation? Like...
I feel the exact same way about everything.
Like, I-- even with love and relationships,
I never, like, fully open 'cause I'm--
I don't even know how to.
Yeah, one thing I've also seen with other survivors,
um, is that because the lines of, like,
tough love and abuse are so blurred,
that it's really easy to not see the signs of abuse
ahead of time in a relationship.
After being at Provo,
you don't even know what love is
or how to have a relationship.
I look hideous.
Like, I've been in a lot of relationships
where people, they just get so controlling
and get so angry that they become physical.
Mm...
One, two, three, four...
Like, five. Five guys.
We just got in an argument.
I was trying to leave his house
and he just got really mad
and just was grabbing me and pulling me.
I don't really remember most of it
'cause I've had worse stuff happen.
I've been strangled
and phones thrown at me, computers.
And I accepted it
because I almost thought it was normal.
I was like, "Well, he loves me so much
that he's going this crazy."
And I just wanted love so bad
that I was willing to accept
being hit or yelled at
or screamed or strangled or a lot of things.
Even the tape.
That never would have happened
if I hadn't went to Provo.
I was just so lost and desperate for love
that I found the worst possible person.
( sighs )
After being at that school,
I just didn't want anyone to know
and I didn't want to be embarrassed.
I was so obsessed with looking perfect on the outside.
That's why I always had to project
basically what I think the public wants.
And now I see even little girls
who are ten years old, nine years old,
and they're trying to get the perfect selfie,
they're putting the filters on,
they can't even look at themselves in the phone
without putting a filter.
I can't even imagine being a 13-year-old girl today.
I do feel responsible for it.
- Hello? - Katherine: Hi!
- Hey, how's it going? This is Katherine. - Good, how are you?
I got your e-mail. Awesome.
Are you ready for tomorrow?
Yes, I'm excited. I'm nervous.
Yeah, you're not gonna be the only one.
Yes.
The sample photos I sent you, those are from other girls
that were in other programs,
but I think this kind of maximizes you're, uh--
those skills you have, as far as social media
and raising awareness that way.
Yeah, this is amazing. I love it.
The whole campaign about breaking the silence
is about coming out and saying, "This happened to me,"
and it kind of empowers others
where they were ashamed about talking about it before.
I've never discussed this publicly with anyone, so...
- I bet. - It's gonna be, like, a shock to people, I'm sure,
- because no one knows. - Oh, yeah, but, like,
it's the right thing to do to help kids.
Definitely.
I just-- I can't even imagine the fact
that they have nine-year-olds in there now.
Eight-year-olds, no less.
- Eight? - Eight-year-olds.
And these parents have no idea.
I don't see them.
Oh, they're coming. ( bleep )
( music playing )
Michelle: So, yeah, we are doing this. This is crazy.
- So bizarre. - I spent decades trying to find you,
and she found you in ten minutes.
- Yeah, we actually-- - Like, give them-- two of them, like...
What the heck? It's only been 20 years.
Why in the world would anybody want to reach me?
- Hi, girls. - Hey.
Come in.
Oh, my God. It's been so long.
( muffled talking )
- You look the same. - You, too.
- Hi, sweetheart. - Hi, how are you?
Wow.
- Yeah. - Hey, kitty.
- How's everyone else been? - I'm a little shy.
So am I. I think that place made me shy.
My mind has literally blocked out a huge portion of this.
One of the things I remember most-- us talking about,
like, our dreams of, like,
what we were gonna do when we were out of there.
It was like an escape.
- So, thank you for that. - Of course.
You were always so cool.
- You, too, roomie. - ( Elizabeth chuckles )
When I saw, "The Simple Life," I cracked up.
I'm like, "That's-- that's not real."
That was some straight up bullshit, especially,
like, when she was like, "I don't know how to use a mop."
"I've never cleaned in my life."
That's the thing, too. Like, after all we went through,
like, how we were, like, forced to clean,
like, you know how to use a sponge.
- ( all laugh ) - You know how to wash a dish.
But also, I don't think you had, like,
a high-pitched voice that I remember, either.
- Back then did I, or no? - No. I remember you in class.
- I don't remember... - So, in Bev's class, we were doing economics,
I remember, it was the day that you blew my mind
because, like you were quiet a lot,
and then there was this bit where you were just like, "Actually..."
and you, like explained this economic theory,
and it was super clear and super smart,
and I was just like, "Holy crap, this chick's a genius."
( laughter )
So, this is like an example of some other girls
that have done this Breaking Code Silence campaign.
You know, like, "Hey, my name is blah, blah, blah,
and this is-- you know, I was a survivor
of Provo Canyon School.
While I was there, I was deprived of my rights."
Raina: Wow.
"Provo Canyon School." What are we writing next?
- Then you put underneath the... - Rough dates?
- Yeah. - Our years and then "gave me"...
- Trust issues. - Fear of being controlled.
PTSD.
There's so many that it will not fit on the card.
People are gonna look and be like, "Whoa, Paris has a lot of issues."
- ( laughter ) - Don't worry, I got a lot--
- "Not my fault." - But the thing is is that, like,
these issues aren't issues that you, like,
decided to create one day and have
and walk around in the world with,
you know what I mean? This isn't your shame.
It's not her shame or hers or mine.
- It's their ( bleep ) shame. - Yeah.
- We've just been carrying it. - Amen.
My name is Katherine McNamara, and I'm a survivor of Provo Canyon School.
I was force-fed.
I was cut off from friends, family.
I witnessed girls be physically and emotionally, and sexually abused.
I was emotionally abused by staff, by other peers.
( exhales )
What's up?
( sniffles )
I don't know if I can.
- There's no pressure. - Okay.
I understand.
Thank you. I'm sorry.
I witnessed and endured physical abuse,
restraints, emotional, mental abuse.
I was forced onto medications,
I was taught that everything that happened to me was all my fault.
I'm speaking out because no child deserves to be punished
for expressing their feelings.
( bleep ).
Especially when that punishment
just equals more torture and more trauma.
I'm happy, done.
Katherine: That was awesome.
I just came up here 'cause it was just so much to take in.
I was, like, "Oh, my God, like, I'm not alone.
And it's not me and it's not my fault."
Sometimes I feel like...
so many things, but sometimes this robot,
and this character that I did,
and talking with them, I started remembering who I was before.
And just...
I don't know.
It makes me sad they took that away.
But, I don't know, I'm just so confused.
But, like...
it's... refreshing and new.
I don't really know anyone besides my family members
and a very small amount of people that knew me
before all of this happened
and before I became this, you know,
this thing, I don't know,
mask I put on and the way that I am,
and, like, this extravagance and the photos of me.
All this is stemmed from this place.
When I look around my life, like...
it's like a cartoon.
I don't know, like, I created this fantasy world cartoon.
But the the thing is, I don't even give a ( bleep )
about any of these things.
I've hardly worn any of these shoes.
I love just chilling in, like, my sweat suit, my socks...
being at home, and then all this other stuff
is just part of the character.
Hey.
- Hey! - Hey.
You look like boss lady right there.
I feel like that's the ultimate, like,
- "( bleep ) you, Provo" picture. - Yeah.
You are a ( bleep ) warrior.
We all are. We're all survivors, we're all warriors.
And I don't want anyone to ever feel the way we do.
Jessica: Well, this brought up so much, I can't even believe it.
That's so crazy. I'm, like, so happy that we all connected again.
Jessica: Totally, me, too.
I think it will probably help you
to start to want to deal with things,
that you haven't been dealing with.
- And I hope that it does. - Me, too.
You should live free,
and I'm not talking about, like,
free to, like, walk alone without people watching you.
I'm talking about free in your mind and in your heart.
Yeah.
From things that have happened in your life.
One day. ( chuckles )
Woman: You're gonna have to explain what it is.
Kathy: What are you showing me, guys? You're scaring me.
No, it's not scary. ( chuckles )
Um, I reconnected with some of the girls from Provo.
Right.
And Katie is one of them.
And Katie is doing this entire movement
called Break Code Silence.
Which is survivors from these schools speaking out about this.
My old roommates, and everyone made a sign,
and it basically says, like, what the school did to them.
And now everyone's speaking out about it
'cause they're realizing a lot of the things that happened in their life
is because of the school.
"Acute panic disorder, nightmares, and insomnia, trust issues."
Paris: And we're all gonna post it and basically raise awareness.
"Verbally and emotionally, physically abused me"?
- Mm-hmm, just screaming at me all the time... - Right.
...strangling, locking me in a room.
I know this is something that we've never discussed before.
Mm-hmm.
They were constantly being abusive
in every way.
But I couldn't tell you guys
because every time I tried,
I would get punished by them.
Or they would say, "We're just gonna tell your parents you're a liar
and they're not gonna believe you,"
and basically they just told me that so many different times
that I was afraid to ever even say anything or bring it up.
Had I known this,
you know that Dad and I would've been there in one second.
Oh, boy.
I love you, Mom.
( sighs )
I feel like this is the best point I've ever been in my life.
We were really talking about our lives
and things that affected us,
and making a change and a difference, and I don't--
It just made me feel like I wasn't alone anymore.
I've worked so hard to build this brand,
and it's been all about this perfect, happy life.
And that story was never part of this brand.
Woman: Can you and the brand have a divorce now?
No.
It will be an expensive divorce.
( both laugh )
You can't do the brand forever.
You can't-- you're gonna age out.
No.
I'll just be like this forever.
♪ Come home ♪
♪ In the morning light ♪
♪ My mother says ♪
♪ "When you gonna live your life right?" ♪
♪ Oh, Mother, dear, we're not the fortunate ones ♪
♪ And girls, they wanna have fun ♪
♪ Oh, girls just wanna have fun ♪
♪ The phone rings in the middle of the night ♪
♪ My father yells ♪
♪ "What you gonna do with your life?" ♪
♪ Oh, Daddy, dear, you know you're still number one ♪
♪ But girls, they wanna have fun ♪
♪ Oh, girls just wanna have fun ♪
♪ That's all they really want ♪
♪ Is some fun ♪
♪ When the workin' day is done ♪
♪ Oh, girls, they wanna have fun ♪
♪ Oh, girls just wanna have fun ♪
♪ Some boys take a beautiful girl ♪
♪ And hide her away ♪
♪ From the rest of the world ♪
♪ I wanna be the one to walk in the sun ♪
♪ And, girls, they wanna have fun ♪
♪ Oh, girls just wanna have fun... ♪
( crowd cheering )
♪ That's all they really want ♪
♪ Is some fun ♪
♪ When the workin' day is done ♪
♪ Oh, girls, they wanna have fun ♪
♪ Oh, girls just wanna have fun ♪
♪ They just wanna, they just wanna ♪
♪ Girls ♪