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♪ Come on over and we'll settle it right ♪
♪ Put your dukes up 'cause I'm ready to fight for you ♪
♪ I'll fight for you
- Has anyone seen my pushup bra? - Under your wig.
- You're on in two minutes, Rickey.
♪ I'll fight for you
♪ Come on over and we'll settle it right ♪
♪ Put your dukes up 'cause I'm ready ♪
♪ To fight for you
♪ I'll fight for you
- Alright, let's hear it for the gruesome twosome!
Or as I affectionately call them,
Dumb and Dumber!
[laughing] The Diva and Miss Ambrose.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm Dusty Muffin. And I gotta warn you, this muffin has nuts.
You know, in case you're allergic.
Welcome to our show: Leave it, it's Beaver!
Oh, what, honey, you're straight? Yeah, guess what.
So is spaghetti until you get it hot and wet. [chuckling]
She got fired from the sperm bank for drinking on the job!
Rickey Pedia! [applause]
♪ And if you must go
♪ Oh darling I'll set you free
♪ But I know in time
♪ That we'll be together
♪ Now I won't try
♪ To stop you now from leaving
♪ 'Cause in my heart I know
♪ Love will lead you back
♪ Someday I just know
♪ That love will lead you back to my arms ♪
♪ Where you belong
[exclamations] ♪ I'm sure
♪ Sure as stars are shining
- Rickey. Rickey. Rickey!
God, Rickey, what did you take, huh?
Okay, breathe. Breathe. - Rickey.
- Come on, baby, what did you take? Huh?
What did you take? Rickey?
[song fading]
- Alright, ladies and Henry, from the top.
And a-one and two and...
♪ Amazing grace
♪ How sweet the sound
♪ That saved
♪ A wretch like me...
♪ I once was lost
♪ But now am found
♪ Was blind
♪ But now...
♪ I see
- Alright, well, that was neither amazing nor graceful.
Erna Lee and Imogene,
it's not a competition, ladies.
God can hear you, I assure you.
Thank you, Bevette.
♪ Amazing grace
♪ How sweet the...
- Wear the red.
Helps if the choir can read your lips, tone deaf as they are.
- Oh, Bevette.
- Well, you let anyone in who wants to sing, even if they can't.
- It's church, Bevette, not a contest.
[phone ringing] [chuckling]
- Phone for you. - Who is it?
- Friend of Rickey's.
- Hello?
What? When?
What'd he take?
- What is it, Maybelline?
- No. No!
No!! No, no, no!!
[singing on TV]
- You need to eat somethin'. [indistinct chatter on TV]
- Beautiful boy.
- A long time ago, Maybelline.
- Did you book the flights?
Funeral's Monday.
- We're not goin' anywhere. Now you need to rest your nerves.
Come on, now. Just a couple of bites.
[door opening] - Anybody home?!
- In here, Bevette.
- Ah... You all packed? - Uh-huh.
Thanks again for takin' me.
- You wearin' that? On the plane?
- Yeah.
- Well, at least you'll be comfortable.
- Where do you think you're goin'?
- Well, I'll just... maybe skedaddle off to the bathroom,
let you two have a little tête-à-tête.
- Well?
- You know where I'm going.
- You weren't gonna ask me?
- I'll only be gone a few days.
One of us has to go,
make sure he's... put to rest properly.
- He already moved on from us years ago by his own choice.
- Well, I'm still his mother.
- Not anymore.
- Bevette, come on!
Hurry up or I'll miss my flight!
- What's the point of puttin' yourself through this?
- We did it your way for 10 years, Jeb.
You can't punish him anymore.
Now you're just punishing me.
You do what you want. I'm goin' to my own son's funeral!
[baby crying]
♪ Deep in your bones
♪ Your body bereaved
♪ With nomenclature
♪ Like you wanted to be
♪ Framed by nature
♪ The spirit awaiting
♪ All those remaining
♪ I sing a hymn for him
♪ And with tears in his eyes
♪ You looked to the light and said ♪
♪ I've lived a good life
♪ Don't you worry
♪ Don't you wait for me
♪ I'll never be dead
♪ Said the book that I read
- Thank you, Joan.
Rickey would've loved that.
I'm Rickey's drag mother, Dusty Muffin.
Rickey Metcalf or, as we know her,
Rickey Pedia, was...
a big, fucking, flaming comet.
More was more when it came to Rickey.
More laughter, more joy,
more sex, more booze,
more drugs and, yes, more mascara.
[laughter] Ladies and gentlemen,
with a tribute to Rickey,
Rickey's drag sisters from the rehab mission!
♪ How can I live without your love ♪
♪ I don't want to live without your love ♪
♪ You're bringing ecstasy
♪ To me
♪ Touch me now Touch me now ♪
♪ It feels so good it feels white hot ♪
♪ You touch me when we're dancing and I love it a lot ♪
♪ You're the only man who makes me weep ♪
♪ And you're the only man who makes me free ♪
♪ Oh baby it's so hard
♪ It's so hard
♪ So hard to handle
♪ If feels so good
♪ It feels white hot
♪ Touch me when we're dancing and I'll love it a lot ♪
♪ You're the only man who makes me weep ♪
♪ And you're the only man who makes me free ♪
♪ Oh baby it's so hard
♪ It's so hard
♪ So hard to handle
♪ Oh baby it's so hard...
♪ Just like me when I find lipstick on his tie ♪
♪ He says there's no other woman so it must be a guy ♪
♪ Oh no [up-tempo music]
♪ Quelle tragédie
♪ Oui
[indistinct singing] [laughter]
[knocking]
- I'm Rickey's mother.
Wait, please. Uh...
I was upset yesterday.
- Oh, when you stormed out of your son's funeral.
- I don't storm. I flounce.
And I regret it very much. I apologize.
- Well, there's no freshness date on bullshit.
- Whether you believe me or not,
I'm sorry.
But I was expecting a funeral,
not a musical comedy.
- It's how he would've wanted it.
But you wouldn't know that, because you didn't know your son.
Why are you here, Mrs. Metcalf, circling like a vulture for whatever you can get?
- What? - Talk to my lawyer.
I'm sorry for your loss.
- Oh. - Oh, shit. Did I just run over your foot?
- No, I'm fine.
[crying]
You are so delectable.
I'd like to slather you in batter
and pop you in the roaster.
Yes, I would.
- Oh, my God, are you Rickey's mom... from Texas?
- Maybelline Metcalf.
- I'm Sienna Ellison.
Rickey and I were best friends.
This is also Rickey.
So Nathan wouldn't even let you in?
- He hates me. - He hates everyone right now.
Just go around. It's a baby.
- Is Rickey the baby's father?
- Oh, God, no. Definitely not.
- Do you know who is?
- Yeah.
Like 90-something percent. Listen,
the guy left me for some girl he met in line for the new iPhone.
So, like, when he was asleep,
I took pictures of his little, tiny dick,
and then I posted them on all of his chat rooms.
Anyway, he got a restraining order against me, but it was worth it.
- Oh, my. - I know.
It's like every breakup: all that oral sex and it's like you're strangers.
- It must be hard raising a child on your own.
- I would've never gotten pregnant if I knew Rickey was gonna OD.
'Cause Rickey was gonna help me raise the kid, you know?
Fucker. - Honey...
you thought that drug-addicted drag queen across the hall
would be the responsible parent?
- He had a lot of love.
But you wouldn't know that, would you?
- Rickey used to write at Christmas time.
He told me his best friend was Sienna.
But I thought... You know,
I saw all these pictures of him with his friends, and I just assumed.
You know.
- You thought I was a drag queen? - Well, yeah.
- I mean, San Francisco is a big melting pot, but...
...these shits are real.
- This whole nation is one big melting pot,
but my town seems to be that big clump
of white flour that just won't melt.
[chuckling] - Oh, my God.
Rickey got his sense of humour from you.
Listen... why don't you come to my place for dinner tonight?
I'll invite Nathan.
Blindside him.
- I can see why you and Rickey were such good friends.
- Well, see how you feel after you eat my cooking.
- Anything I could bring?
- Low expectations. [chuckling]
- You sure there's nothin' I can do?
[knocking] - Come in.
- What is she doing here?
- Don't be mad. She came all this way.
- Oh, I didn't realize you were such a busybody. I have nothing to say to her.
- Okay, so just listen and stop being such a dick.
Okay... Sorry, the chicken was totally overcooked.
- Oh, it's Cajun-style.
A little blackened around the edges is all.
- Well, desert will be better. It's my specialty. Shall I serve it?
[both]: Yeah.
- So bitchy.
- Let me help. - No, no, no. You sit down. You're my guest.
- I'm not here to fight with you,
but I did know my son for most of his life.
But you're right.
I didn't know who he became when he moved here, I only knew the boy.
- You disowned him.
- No, I did not.
- This, my specialty...
...it's my own creation.
I call it Banana Climax.
- Delicious.
- Mm, yeah, it doesn't suck. - Thank you.
My secret ingredient is resentment.
And a shit ton of baby food.
Right? And a shit ton of baby food, is it?
- I want you to know I never stopped loving my son.
Would you let me see where he lived?
Show me... your home?
- Fine. [cutlery rattling]
- What, now?
- It's now or never.
- Go!
- Well...
here...
we are.
Those are his things, if you want to scavenge through them.
There's more in the closet.
- You're getting rid of all of it?
- Donating to AIDS hospice.
- You waste no time.
- Welcome to the real world, lady.
I have to move out in a week. I can't afford this place on my own.
- Move where? - I don't know.
I lived here for two years,
but Rickey lived here for eight, so the lease was in his name,
and the landlord wants to jack the rent.
I could fight it, but even if I did win, I can't afford it.
You know what? Here.
Here. [tapping]
They won't let me touch his bank accounts or the lease
or the electric bill or the phone bill.
Everything is in his name and I'm not next of kin.
There's no will, and we weren't married,
because he wouldn't marry me until you would be there.
Didn't want to get married without his mommy. That's what he said.
That eventually you'd come around,
and... here you are just a few days too late.
Oh, yeah, he never stopped loving you either.
Even when I begged him to.
There you go.
- What's that? - The lease, keys, inventory, contracts.
Rickey owned the bar.
- The bar? - The club.
The one we managed together?
Pandora's Box.
- Oh, my Lord.
- My home. Everything I worked for,
everything I own - all yours.
That's what the lawyer said.
- Oh, my Lord, I've inherited a gay bar.
- Congratulations.
- Why, I don't want it. - Well, you've got it!
I gotta get ready for work.
- Take me with you. I gotta see it.
- Have you ever been to a gay bar?
- There's always a first time.
[rock music] [cheering]
♪ We've been here too long trying to get along ♪
- Chappy.
♪ Pretending that you're oh so shy ♪
♪ I'm a natural ma'am Get her a... chardonnay.
♪ My temperature is running high ♪
I'd suggest you mingle, but I don't think you have much in common with this crowd.
- Not really much of a crowd.
- It's a weeknight.
♪ Do you wanna touch ♪ Yeah
♪ Do you wanna touch
♪ Yeah ♪ Do you wanna touch me there
♪ Where there
♪ Yeah
♪ Oh yeah
♪ Oh yeah...
♪ Yeah
♪ Oh yeah ♪ Do you wanna a touch me
- She doesn't play well with others, so she plays with herself!
Thank you, Joan.
Let's hear it for Joan's choreographer, Clitorus Leachman.
And now the sluttiest nanny in history,
Cherry Poppins!
[light applause] [laughing]
She confided in my recently
that she has a great head for figures.
- No, sweetie, I said I have quite a figure for head.
[laughter] - TMI!
And TMJ. Alright,
up next, our very own talent scout,
Tequila Mockingbird! [light applause]
Like the book? [chuckling]
And last but not least,
the gal who has burned a lot of steaks,
Joan of Arc... kansas!
Get it? No?
♪ Hey buds below
♪ Up is where to grow
♪ Up with which below can't compare with ♪
♪ Hurry
♪ It's lovely up here
- You know I love you, and Rickey,
but a girl's gotta eat.
- You're the only act they're coming to see.
- But that's the problem. Nobody knows what's going on with this place.
We've been offered weeknights at Chandelierium, and I have to take it.
- I take it that's not good.
♪ Wake up
♪ Bestir yourself
♪ It's time that you disinter yourself ♪
♪ You've got...
- Our most popular performers just quit.
Business is flat-lining.
Maybe 'cause there was a death in the club or...
maybe they were just coming to see Rickey all along.
I never realized how much he looked like you.
I think you were his inspiration.
On stage, he was a real bitch.
- Did you ever perform here?
- Me? Heh, no.
A little karaoke sometimes.
I ran the business side;
Rickey was creative.
He put everything he had into this place.
This place is all I have left of him.
♪ RSVP peonies
♪ Pollinate the breeze
♪ Make the queen of bees
♪ Hot as brandy
- I have that chandelier.
♪ Come give at least a preview
♪ Of Easter Ha!
♪ Come up and see the good we're giving ♪
♪ Come up and see the grounds for living ♪
♪ Come poke your head out
♪ Open up and spread out
♪ Hurry
♪ It's lovely...
♪ Here...
[phone vibrating]
- Hello.
- Sorry. I didn't know who else to call. - I don't mind.
Might do me some good.
- So there's breast milk in the fridge.
All from this one; this one's on strike.
- Lefty needs a massage. - Ah, tell me about it.
Okay, I'll call you.
- Bye.
Hey.
- Hello. - Jeb, hi.
- I thought I'd hear from you before now.
- They're keeping me busy, darling.
- How was the memorial?
- You would've been... very moved.
I'm gonna stay a little longer.
Would you please put some money in the joint account?
- How much longer?
- I dunno. A few days.
Five thousand, maybe ten?
- Five thousand?!
- Well, there's legal fees and...
and... and other expenses and whatnot.
[sighing]
- Well, I hope this doesn't become a habit.
- It's not gonna become a habit, Jeb.
I'm only gonna bury my son the once.
- Look, for 50 bucks--
- Please get this to your landlord.
That should cover your rent for a couple months.
- I don't want to take your money.
- It's Rickey's money. I got it from his bank.
I won't see you homeless on my account.
- You expect me to be grateful for giving me back my own money?
- I've also decided to let the club stay open
for two months as a trial.
- Trial for what? - I can't in good conscience even speak to my husband
about not selling the business if it's losing money.
And think of it as Rickey's legacy.
Rickey would want it to be successful.
- No, I'd rather sell the place than work for you.
- Think of us as business partners.
And consider Sienna.
I can sleep on her sofa and take care of baby Rickey during the day.
- That would be amazing. I'd love that.
- What do you know about running a drag bar?
- I'm a Southern Baptist choir mistress.
Different songs, same divas.
Some of the same wigs, too.
- Just take the deal for the both of us.
- That is my bar!
Rickey warned me about you, but he didn't do you justice.
I'm gonna find out what you're after, you conniving bitch.
- I don't connive.
I scheme. I'm a scheming bitch.
- We'll nail it tonight.
- Should I tweet our followers that we have a new closing number?
- Twat away.
Smell her.
And did you get a load of that accent?
And her name is Maybelline, for chrissake.
I'd probably like it better if it were Loreal.
- So is Mommy Dearest gonna be our new boss?
- She does own the place now.
- Any direction at this point would be nice.
Uh, Mama Metcalf?
I'm Dusty.
Or Roger, if you prefer it, but I prefer Dusty.
I was Rickey's drag mother.
A drag mother... shows a younger queen the ropes,
teaches her the rules of etiquette,
and helps bring out the queen from within.
- We're sorry for your loss.
I'm Eric. - Hi, Eric.
I heard you sing at his funeral. It was beautiful.
Thank you. It really touched my heart.
- I'm Joan.
- You have a boy name? - Just Joan.
- Nice to meet you, Joan.
- I'm Cherry. We all loved Rickey very much. - Um, do we still have jobs?
- Okay, look.
I'm still in charge here.
Think of Mrs. Metcalf as a silent partner.
- Uh, good, because I don't take orders from amateurs.
- You want direction, Dusty?
I'll give you direction.
Rehearse more.
- Pay me more.
- Your lip-syncing sucks.
You've gotten too lazy to move and face the music, if you can hear the music.
It's not like you're packing them in these days.
- Oh, God.
- Alright, now, look. I don't want to speak ill of the dead,
we all loved Rickey, but let's be honest -
he had not been himself in a long time.
And his fans - ourfans -
did not want to watch their star burn out.
So we are without a director,
without a star.
We have to put a whole new show together.
So if you want to keep this place going without him,
you need to pull yourself together.
If I'm not appreciated after all these years...
...I quit.
- Dusty, wait.
Everyone's upset.
I understand...
what it is to be older.
- Older?
This place was your baby's dream, his vision.
Maybe it should die with him.
- After practice tomorrow,
you can talk to us about your ideas... boss.
[blow-dryer running]
- Hi. [baby gurgling]
- Hmm. Morning.
- I love that lipstick colour.
- You know what? I could get you any shade of lipstick with my discount.
I know it's a little cliché, a blond bimbo selling cosmetics,
but... it's the only job I have right now.
It's all commissions.
Listen, I don't know how long you're staying for, but, uh,
I was thinking... 200 a week seems fair.
- You don't have to pay me. [chuckling]
- For rent.
- For a sofa?
- In this neighbourhood, I could get twice the amount for a loveseat.
- Oh.
- Morning, Bear.
Take a look at this.
Morning.
Tequila.
Guys. [clearing throat]
- Mrs. Metcalf, what do you think you're doing?
- This is my idea for a new show.
- What, the Southern Gospel Drag Choir? - The Trans Tabernacle?
- Hey, keep an open mind.
- Sex, Drag and Rock and Roll? Girl, please.
- What is this, retro night?
- I want y'all to sing. - Like "sing" sing?
What, really sing?
- I've heard y'all humming along to the music here.
Believe me, I've made much more with much less.
- How did you know that Rickey had that same exact idea?
- I didn't.
- The sex part, is that gonna be real too? Hmm?
- Listen to me.
How many drag shows are there in San Francisco?
We need to appeal to the masses, not just the men in the neighbourhood.
- And what's wrong with the men in the neighbourhood?
- Look, millions of tourists come to San Francisco every year.
We gotta give them somethin' they won't see at home.
- Look, even if we go with your idea, and I'm not saying that we are,
how do you propose we get these tourists in here, Miss Field of Dreams?
- Oh, I love that movie.
- I have a plan.
- I play piano.
- Now, that's what I'm talking about, right there.
- Can we share?
- Oh, my Lord, Sienna,
those pants are so tight, I can see the Promised Land.
- Camel toes are chic right now.
Smells delicious.
- So where's he taking you?
- I dunno. His name is Grayson and he's totally my type.
Scruffy, rugged...
- What do you know about this man?
- I know he's got a dick and I haven't been laid in a year.
- You're planning to sleep with this guy on the first date?
- Hell, yeah.
- Isn't that how you got yourself into this predicament?
- Listen, you are not my mother. You're my babysitter.
- I can have an opinion. - Not about my pussy.
[knocking]
One second. [knocking]
[all]: Hi. [laughter]
- Maybelline said to bring dessert, so I come packing fudge.
- You waited your whole life to say that line?
- Pretty much. [laughing]
- Hi. [laughter]
- Mwah! [laughter] - Darling.
- I'm not saying the place he brought me wasn't lovely,
but when I asked him where the bathroom was,
he said take a left at the glory hole,
and if you've reached the sling, you've gone too far.
- Girl! [laughter]
- Glory hole?
- It's like a... confession booth.
- Yeah. [laughter]
- I can't wait until I'm done with my transition.
Then maybe I'll have better luck with the straight guys.
- Oh, honey, you don't need luck. You need patience.
- I need me some good wienie.
- Hey... [laughter] - Okay?
- Maybelline, you've been married for a while.
That must feel good.
- Well, I guess.
- Well, I want to be married.
- Oh...!
Well, bitch, stop going for the closet cases all the time.
[groaning] [laughter]
- Oh, my God.
This is gorgeous.
Do you sew?
- Well, you know. I did some fashion,
back in my more naive times.
- Well, honey, if you can sew,
I need everything that I own let out. [laughter]
- You're gonna need a lot of extra fabric with that one.
[knocking] [laughter]
- Brutal. - So catty. [indistinct chatter]
- You tried it. [laughter]
- You, uh, ready?
- Book club.
- Okay. [laughter]
- And... [harmonizing]
Oh, let's try that again.
What do you think, little Rickey, one more time?
[harmonizing]
- Good! - Oh, yeah!
- Yeah, we got it!
[up-tempo music]
♪ When you grow up
♪ Leave like a good boy oughta
♪ And your mama
♪ Takes a shot at her best son
♪ All them girls
♪ They seem to like you
♪ 'Cause you're handsome
♪ A whole lot of fun
♪ We're gonna take your mother out all night ♪
♪ Yeah we'll show her what it's all about ♪
♪ We'll get her jacked up on some cheap champagne ♪
♪ We'll let the good times all roll out ♪
♪ Do it
♪ Take your mama out all night
♪ You can stay out late
♪ 'Cause baby you're a full-grown man ♪
- Should we try again? - Yes.
- Alright. ♪ Ah...
[all]: ♪ Ah...
- Damn! We good! [laughter]
[sniffing]
- I can't tell what's vomit and what's baby food anymore.
- Do all those boys at the club...
Do I call them boys or girls?
- It's kind of a time-of-day issue.
- Do all those girls at the club do drugs?
And was Rickey always high?
- I mean, Rickey drank and partied too much,
we all did, but we're not junkies.
People go to nightclubs to lose themselves.
You might see something you don't want to see.
- I can handle a gay bar.
All my life I've watched rodeos and livestock shows, so a gay bar's nothin'.
I want to buy some of that lipstick.
- Oh. Okay.
- The way the gilt's...
- No. No, no, no, no, no. Stop, stop, stop, stop. It's over.
- What? - Give me that. - What? What? Hey!
- Give me the fucking brush, Bear!
- What?! - You keep changing everything.
Every time you hang a curtain or throw away old things for new things,
it's like... he's more gone.
It's stupid.
- Hey, stop!
Wait right there. I want to show you somethin'.
Look at this, Nathan. It's Rickey.
I don't think you've seen that before.
In his room. He was a teenager then,
and he was getting moody,
throwing hissy fits with his daddy, and...
to cheer him up,
I told him he could paint his room any colour he wanted.
And... and so...
I thought we'd paint the walls his favourite colour
and... with your permission,
we could hang that photo on the wall so...
...he would never miss a show.
[sobbing]
- Can I help you? - Thank you.
Yes, um... I was wondering if you would be, uh...
willing to spread the word
about a terrific show at our club,
Pandora's Box. It's quite unique.
- That's a drag bar, right?
- Well, we have gender illusionists--
- No, thanks, we're not interested.
- Oh. Well...
...could I give you some flyers?
- Uh, there's no soliciting.
- Oh. - Thanks.
- Okay. Thank you.
Oh.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
- Oh, it's not a problem. - This is very kind of you.
The only way to get my flyers distributed in your hotel. [chuckling]
- You're from Texas. - You got it.
Small town called Red Vine.
- I spent some summers in Savage Springs as a boy,
a couple hours from there.
Head concierge.
August.
- How do you do? I'm Maybelline Metcalf.
- You work at a drag club?
- Well, actually, I own it. It's a long story.
- Well, I'd be interested in hearing that story sometime.
Is the show any good? We're always looking for things to recommend.
- Oh, well, why don't you come judge for yourself?
A week from Saturday, we're putting on a brand-new show.
I'll put you on the guest list.
- Not my typical Saturday night, but...
sounds fun.
Sure. Why not?
- Great.
Thanks again.
- Bye.
[background chatter]
- Wow, this place looks amazing, Maybelline.
You really do have Rickey's eye.
- Or he had mine.
- Well, hello, Daddy.
♪ That's him at the other end of the bar ♪
♪ The best to come in in a while ♪
♪ Not exactly the type to show all of his cards ♪
♪ But I think I just spotted a smile ♪
[laughter]
♪ Now I fully intend to find that one man ♪
♪ To spend all my ever-afters with ♪
♪ But I've been looking so long ♪
♪ And so far to wrong
♪ Something's got to give
[cheering]
♪ He ain't Mr. Right but he's Mr. Right Now ♪
♪ We all gotta get through the night somehow ♪
♪ He ain't Mr. Right but he's Mr. Right Now ♪
♪ I promised myself when I walked through the door ♪
♪ I swore I would try to refrain ♪
♪ But I can't leave my life on hold anymore ♪
♪ Just waiting for my luck to change ♪
♪ A little more drinking and a little less thinking ♪
♪ I sure could like what I see
♪ I have paid my dues with those last-call blues ♪
♪ You know this one is leaving with me ♪
♪ He ain't Mr. Right but he's Mr. Right Now ♪
♪ Well we all gotta get through the night somehow ♪
♪ He ain't Mr. Right
♪ But he's Mr. Right Now [cheering]
♪ Well he might do me right
♪ And he might do me wrong
♪ But as long as he'll do me we'll keep going on ♪
♪ Well he's old and he's short and he's bald and he's fat ♪
♪ But at ten after two ooh I like it like that ♪
♪ Well he ain't Mr. Right
♪ Well he's my Mr. Not Quite
♪ Well he isn't exactly the genius I planned ♪
♪ But he sits and he begs and he barks like a man ♪
♪ He ain't Mr. Right but wow ♪
♪ He's my Mr. Not Quite
♪ And I don't give a damn 'bout those cars that he stole ♪
♪ I'm just thrilled and delighted he's out on parole... ♪
♪ Oh he ain't Mr. Right
♪ He's my Mr. Tonight
♪ Well he ain't Mr. Right
♪ But he's Mr. Right Now...
[wild cheering]
[soft piano music]
- Well?
- He's gonna get his hotel to officially recommend the show to all the guests.
Bye.
- Wow, he must've really liked the show.
[singsong]: It's not all he likes. [laughing]
- Oh, stop. I'm a married woman.
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, I'd like to go through all your closets,
but I also think we should make something new.
You know, debut something original?
Off the rack in size 18 ain't exactly couture.
Ma'am, it's not polite to stare.
- Hmm. It's alright.
It's my mother.
- Well, let's get this party started.
- Oh, Lord. [laughter]
[phone vibrating]
- Is that your husband? You're gonna have to talk to him sometime.
- I know, but not tonight.
I don't feel like holding up both ends of the conversation. [chuckling]
[funky music playing] - Okay. This?
- Hey, where's Joan tonight?
- Joan's not feeling her best tonight.
- Oh.
Poor thing.
- Yeah. Now let's see if we can get you some action tonight.
- Hey, it's a business dinner.
- This one's good, huh? - Oh, I don't think so. Not red.
- If it looks good on me, it could look good on you, huh? [laughter]
[soft jazz music]
- I like this music. - You should hear it on vinyl.
- Vinyl? You're old-school.
- Every Saturday I'd go to this great vinyl-record store in Haight-Ashbury
and treat myself to a new treasure.
- You were one of the cool guys in high school, weren't you?
- And you were that beautiful girl
too busy cheering the football team to notice me.
- Do you mind if we make a couple of quick stops on the way?
Hi, Joan.
- Maybelline.
I heard you were sick, so I brought you some soup from Whole Foods.
It costs a month's rent, so it must be good.
[chuckling] - Thank you.
You...
you look like a drag queen.
[laughing]
- May I come in for a minute?
August is waiting outside. It won't take long.
- Sorry. The place is a mess.
I'm an even bigger mess.
- Don't worry.
Where I come from, people leave their old sofas on the porch.
Joan, I'm worried about you.
Maybe you don't think you have a problem, but from what I hear,
Rickey thought he didn't have a problem either.
- Rickey and I were a lot alike.
We used to... [chuckling]
...blow sailors together back in the day.
- You can't shock me, Joan. Not anymore.
- Maybe I'll stop.
It's just that it makes shit so much easier to handle.
- Tell me what's so hard.
[chuckling] - I don't know.
I mean, I haven't had a relationship... in six years.
It's not for a lack of meeting people,
it's just the more that I hook up, the lonelier I feel.
- I don't want to lose you, Joan, not like we lost Rickey.
Besides, you're much prettier when you're not using that stuff.
- Me and Rickey were Dusty's drag daughters.
She's been sober forever.
She was always trying to get me and Rickey to go to meetings with her.
- You two should have a girl's night out.
- Dusty's not really talking to any of us now.
[sighing] - No.
- That was Rickey's.
Nathan wanted me to have it because I was Rickey's sister.
He called it "the Maybelline."
- Can you give me everything you have in this apartment?
I mean all the drugs.
- Maybelline-- - Nobody intervened for my son.
I'm intervening for you.
Is that all of it?
- That's what I've got.
I would've.
- Would've what? - Noticed you in high school.
- I moved out here the day after graduation.
I was a hippy. [chuckling]
I came here for the free love. [both chuckling]
Only thing about me that didn't get old is my love for this place.
The Bay.
The hills.
The fighting spirit.
My favourite city in the world.
I always feel lucky to be here.
Especially tonight.
You sure you don't want me to take you home?
- No, I'm fine.
- I'll wait for you. - No, no.
But that was...
the most wonderful evening I've had
in I can't remember when.
Thank you.
Good night.
I was wondering, if you don't mind...
...may I sit with you tonight?
Hi.
- Ooh, someone got lucky last night.
- Yeah, I got very lucky last night.
- Hoo-hoo-hoo!
[Sienna laughing]
- What is it, Cherry?
- I was turned down for surgery again.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
How come?
- 'Cause I haven't told my wife.
- Is your wife... visually impaired?
- I haven't seen my wife in five or six years or so.
- Oh.
- I need a divorce.
That's... that's just the simple way.
- She won't give you a divorce? - I haven't asked.
She doesn't know.
- You should tell her in person.
You shouldn't let a dead marriage hold you back.
- I already hurt her so much.
- If I were her, I'd want to know.
It might help her to see what you've been through.
- You think?
- If you like, I could go with you for moral support.
- Yeah... I shouldn't go alone.
I'm still wearing her weave.
♪ If I could
♪ I would give you a world
♪ Where everyone knew
♪ You were magic darling
- Uh, don't stop.
- I wrote it for Rickey. - You write songs?
- It's been a while.
It's how we met.
- Will you play it for me, please?
♪ If I could
♪ I would give you a world
♪ Where everyone knew
♪ You were magic darling
♪ But the world's
♪ In a hell of a mess
♪ And people are so slow to learn ♪
♪ So listen baby
♪ I will love you rich or poor
♪ And for your love I'd throw the war ♪
♪ Your sorrow
♪ Give it to me
♪ My love I'll never compromise ♪
♪ I see the stars within your eyes ♪
♪ And when I'm dancing with you ♪
♪ I will love you rich or poor [cheering]
♪ And for your love
♪ I'd throw the war
♪ Your sorrow
♪ Give it to me
♪ My love I'll never compromise ♪
♪ I see the stars within your eyes ♪
♪ And when I'm dancing with you ♪
♪ Beautiful
♪ Beautiful to me
♪ Beautiful beautiful to me ♪
♪ Beautiful beautiful
♪ To me
[wild cheering]
[thumping] [Sienna]: Ow.
[indistinct chatter]
- Will you stop? I've got-- [slap]
Ah. [indistinct chatter]
I said no.
[thump] [coughing]
[moaning] [coughing]
[choking] - Hey!
- Who the fuck are you? Don't fuckin' wave that thing at me.
- Oh, I don't wave, I aim. - Alright.
Why don't you turn around and leave the scene while you can. - Shut up! Let her go!
Let her go! [baby crying]
Now when I say,
you're gonna go out that door and never come back.
And if I hear you so much as text Sienna,
I'm going straight to the police to file charges,
and I'm going to your boss to tell her about your previous problems with the law.
- So, what, you're gonna fucking kill me over a couple slaps?
- No! I kill you because dropping a woman beater is on my bucket list.
Now get your ass outta here before I put another hole in it.
Jesus. Fuck.
Frozen peas works best.
Not too much pressure on the eyes.
Do you want to go to the police?
- I already have one restraining order, I don't want another.
They'd take his side anyway.
How'd you know he had a previous brush with the law?
- I didn't. Just guessed.
- Would you stay in here with me tonight?
- Sure.
- He said that he liked it rough.
And I said okay...
...but I didn't like it.
And then he got mad.
I'm such a mess.
- When a man says he likes it rough...
...kick him in the balls and see if it's true.
[Sienna laughing]
[baby fussing]
Good morning.
Good mornin'.
How's my boy?
How's my Rickey? Eh?
- What can I get you?
- Please.
Please sit down?
Just for a minute.
I'm Maybelline Metcalf.
I work with your son, Eric.
- What do you want?
- I want you to come see our show as a guest.
Please don't.
I understand what you're going through.
My son, Rickey...
...he did not turn out like I thought he would.
Like I wanted.
And when things got tough,
I chose not to see him for many years,
because I wanted him to change.
And I never did see him again.
He died.
And he left me that nightclub,
and that's how... I know your son.
And Eric is...
a fine young man.
You raised Eric to be sweet and kind,
and...
...he doesn't hurt anybody.
I would give...
...anything... to see my son again.
Just once.
I don't want you to feel that same way someday.
- What can I get you?
- Oh.
How's the chicken club?
- Very good. - Okay.
Thank you.
- Hey, May.
- Oh, hi. Good to see you again.
Say, what do you think about free drinks for all the girls tonight?
- There go your profits. - Oh, well. [giggling]
Listen, can you make sure all the mics are working tonight?
- Yeah, I'll triple-check them, Maybelline.
- How y'all doing?
- Oh. Jittery.
I-I'm stone-cold sober. I'm just nervous.
- Well, aren't we lucky to care about something enough to be nervous about it?
Channel those nerves and you'll be great. Okay.
- Okay. - See ya.
- Bye. - Bye.
[wild cheering]
[cheering]
In here, Jeb.
- What the hell is goin' on here, Maybelline?
- This was Rickey's club.
- Yeah, so I gather.
- Who'd you talk to? - The lawyer.
Certainly not you.
- Well, it's been overwhelming.
- We inherited a gay bar. You forgot to tell me?
- I didn't think you'd be interested.
- I'm interested in selling it, going home with my wife.
- The show's just opened.
It's too soon to tell whether tonight's full house
will translate into more full houses.
I can't leave now, not when it's just turnin' a profit.
- It's been weeks.
Our house is empty.
Dead quiet.
- Well, play some Johnny Cash.
- I love you.
- Okay.
I'll come back with you on one condition.
We give this place to Nathan, our son-in-law.
- Don't call him our son-in-law.
No.
- That's my condition.
- Maybelline, this place is worth something to us.
Thousands in stuff we can sell off.
This is significant.
- It's not ours, Jeb.
Rickey wouldn't want us to have this place.
You don't deserve this place.
We don't deserve this place.
[music, cheering and laughter in background]
- I have to get back to work tomorrow.
- I need more time here, Jeb.
- You're pushin' it.
- Sienna has to find daycare.
The show needs a new director.
- Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's rainin'.
What are you doing with these people?
I'll send your sister up to help ya.
Maybe she can talk some sense into ya.
- This is very kind of you to go pick up my sister.
- So, uh, if Bevette doesn't see me, what does she look like?
- Just look for the woman with the pained expression on her face,
as if life isn't worth living.
- That's her? - No.
That'll be the woman who sat next to her on the plane.
She can point her out to you.
♪ Meeting Mr. Right
[cheering] ♪ The man of my dreams
♪ The one who showed me true love ♪
♪ Or at least it seemed
- Well, y'know, that trampy ol' Imogene Breining
is still carryin' on with Jake the Snake Riordan,
and him not even divorced yet.
- Imogene. Who'd a-thought it.
Butter wouldn't melt.
- Tried to buy his kid's love with all them Harry Potter books.
Didn't work.
They'd already seen the movies.
- My friend Cherry Poppins has a joke in her act where she bends over and says,
"Oops, I hope you didn't see my hairy potter."
- You're gonna crack your mask.
♪ I just cannot hide it
♪ Oh no
♪ Finally it happened to me
♪ Right in front of my face
♪ My feelings can't describe it ♪
♪ Finally it happened to me
♪ Right in front of my face
♪ And I just cannot hide it
[wild cheering]
- The crowds are good.
The girls are makin' money.
I swear I even saw Nathan smile once.
- Word is, you put on a good drag show.
- Not me. The girls put on the drag show.
I just taught 'em three-part harmony.
- Please. Those three couldn't stuff a bra with socks.
- Actually, I've seen them do that.
- Oh. Well, then I suppose it's good that I walked away and allowed them to blossom.
- They need their mother back, Dusty.
- But they have you.
- I could never take your place. - Hmm.
- All they ever talk about is you.
"Oh, these curtains are so dusty.
Oh, these glasses are so dusty."
[chuckling]
They miss their stage mother.
I'm going back to Texas, to church, to Jeb.
That's my world.
Come back to yours.
- You sure about this? - Maybelline, shake a leg.
I don't want to be drivin' through the Tenderloin in the dark.
- I'm... sorry about her.
- Every family has a relative who stabbed grandma with a butter knife.
- Or dynamited a perfectly good barn.
- There he is. Nanny.
Look.
- Baby Rickey!
- Yeah, so light.
Hi, Dusty.
- Hey, you. It's Auntie Dusty.
[chuckling] How are you?
Yes, it's pretty over there.
Take a look, it's magic.
[all]: Oh...
- Bye.
- What are we gonna do without our momma?
- I'm going to miss y'all so much.
- You're gonna make my mascara run.
- Oh, stop. - No one wants you to go, Maybelline.
- Well, this isn't my life.
It was Rickey's and yours.
I think it's for the best.
- A little going-away present.
Rickey used to get me to tape his performances
so he could watch 'em back and get better.
Now you can see how he was.
- Oh. - Dramatic and beautiful.
Messy. [chuckling]
Just like you.
- Oh. Oh, thank you so much.
[screaming] Ugh! Oh, my Lord!
- What?!
- I just saw the general and two colonels!
- For the first time apparently.
- First time in the ladies' room.
- Cherry, this is my sister, Bevette.
- Right. I thought she was one of the new drag queens.
[laughter] - Bevette,
this is my darling friend, Cherry.
- Oh, the one with the hairy potter.
Well, it ain't that hairy.
[laughter]
- Bevette, why don't you wait outside in the lobby?
I'll just be a minute.
Nathan, I've got... a going-away present for you, too.
This is all yours now.
The club. You're the sole owner.
- What about your husband?
- Well, that was my condition for going back to Texas.
All you gotta do is sign the papers.
- Thank you, Maybelline, thank you.
- And I'll only take 20%. [laughter]
- Of course.
[soft piano music]
♪ Saying goodbye
♪ Is never an easy thing
♪ But you never said
♪ That you'd stay forever
♪ So if you must go
♪ Oh darling I set you free ♪
♪ But I know in time
♪ That we'll be together...
♪ I won't try
♪ To stop you now from leaving ♪
♪ 'Cause in my heart
♪ I know
♪ Love will lead you back
♪ Someday I just know that love ♪
♪ Will lead you back to my arms ♪
♪ Where you belong
♪ I'm sure
♪ Sure as stars are shining
♪ One day you will find me again ♪
♪ It won't be long
♪ One of these days our love will lead you back... ♪
[harmonizing]
- Maybelline!
I heard you were back.
So happy to see you.
- Thank you, Imogene. It's nice to be back.
- What were you doing up there all that time?
- Rickey had a business out west.
Maybelline went up and oversaw the whole thing.
- What kind of a business?
- It was a restaurant.
Bar.
♪ I won't try to stop you now from leaving ♪
♪ 'Cause in my heart
♪ I know...
[cheering]
♪ Love will lead you back
♪ Someday I just know that
♪ Love will lead you back to my arms ♪
♪ Where you belong
♪ I'm sure
♪ Sure as stars are shining
♪ One day you will find me again ♪
♪ It won't be long
♪ One of these days our love
♪ Will lead you back...
♪ Where you belong
♪ I'm sure
♪ Sure as stars are shining
♪ One day you will find me again ♪
♪ It won't be long
♪ One of these days
♪ Our love will lead you
♪ Back
[cheering]
♪ Turn around
♪ Every now and then I get a little bit lonely ♪
♪ And you're never comin' round ♪
♪ Turn around
♪ Every now and then I get a little bit tired ♪
♪ Of listening to the sound of my tears Turn around ♪
♪ Every now and then I get a little bit nervous ♪
♪ That the best of all the years have gone-- ♪
- Jeb, I was watchin' that.
- Watchin' all that is not gonna bring him back.
I know how much you miss him.
Miss him myself for 20 years.
- That was your choice.
He was always the same, even when he was a little boy.
You just didn't want to see it.
- Bevette and me are your family now.
Gonna have to be enough for each other.
- It takes more than a ring to be a family, Jeb.
It takes guts.
You're still ashamed of your own son.
Even now.
- He was a mama's boy,
hidin' behind your skirts, and you let him.
- You didn't have the guts to love your own son,
'cause you were afraid what other people would think.
Well, let me tell you something, Jeb.
You can't make chicken salad outta chicken shit!
- I never understood him.
You loved him enough for both of us.
Turned out just like you.
- Thank you.
I was afraid too, Jeb.
Of you, him, everyone.
God.
But I'm not afraid anymore.
I'm not looking at our son through your frightened eyes.
Our boy... was a star.
That's what he got from me.
- Aw, hell, Maybelline, you were a lot happier up there. Even I could see that.
Here.
A couple thousand to help see you through.
[laughing] - Oh, Bevette.
Hi.
- Hey.
Hi.
What are you doing here?
- This is the only record store in the neighbourhood,
and it's a Saturday, so...
I'm sorry I didn't tell you everything about myself.
- So... how are you?
You look great.
- Thanks. I'm good.
I'm back in town,
but everything's up in the air for me right now.
- Well...
I'm not afraid of heights.
So...
what are you doing tonight?
- Funny you should ask.
[wild cheering]
- Okay. Okay, alright.
Settle down, queens!
- You look gorgeous tonight, girl.
D'you get all dressed up for us, or is this for a man?
- These days all my men are wearing diapers and dresses.
[chuckling] And that's all I need.
Alright, bitches, get dressed.
- Oh... my God.
You are a genius. [laughing]
- You ready, honey?
[sighing] - I don't know.
Oh.
- One ain't gonna kill ya.
[cheering and applause]
- Tonight, making her Pandora's Box debut
is my partner.
I call her Mom. [crowd]: Aw.
- She's someone with a real name
that a drag queen would kill for.
Singing a tribute to our beloved Rickey Pedia...
...Ms. Maybelline Metcalf!
[cheering]
♪ Turn around
♪ Every now and then I get a little bit lonely ♪
♪ And you're never comin' round ♪
♪ Turn around
♪ Every now and then I get a little bit tired
♪ Of listening to the sound of my tears ♪
♪ Turn around
♪ Every now and then I get a little bit nervous ♪
♪ That the best of all the years have gone by ♪
♪ Turn around
♪ Every now and then I get a little bit terrified ♪
♪ And then I see the look in your eyes ♪
♪ Turn around bright eyes
♪ Every now and then I fall apart ♪
♪ Turn around bright eyes
♪ Every now and then I fall apart ♪
♪ Turn around
♪ Every now and then I get a little bit restless ♪
♪ And I dream of something wild ♪
♪ Turn around
♪ Every now and then I get a little bit helpless ♪
♪ And I'm lying like a child in your arms ♪
♪ Turn around ♪ Every now and then
♪ I get a little bit angry
♪ And I know I gotta get out and cry ♪
♪ Turn around
♪ Every now and then I get a little bit terrified ♪
♪ And then I see the look in your eyes ♪
♪ Turn around bright eyes
♪ Every now and then I fall apart ♪
♪ Turn around bright eyes
♪ Every now and then I fall apart ♪
♪ And I need you now tonight [cheering]
♪ And I need you more than ever ♪
♪ And if you only hold me tight ♪
♪ We'll be holding on forever
♪ And we'll only be making it right ♪
♪ 'Cause we'll never be wrong
♪ Together we can take it to the end of the line ♪
♪ Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time ♪
♪ All of the time
♪ I don't know what to do I'm always in the dark ♪
♪ We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks ♪
♪ I really need you tonight
♪ Forever's gonna start tonight ♪
♪ Once upon a time I was falling in love ♪
♪ Now I'm only falling apart
♪ Nothing I can do
♪ Total eclipse of the heart
[cheering and whistling]
♪ Turn around...
[cheering and applause]
♪ Turn around
♪ Turn around bright eyes
♪ Every now and then I fall apart ♪
♪ Turn around bright eyes
♪ Every now and then I fall apart ♪
♪ And I need you now tonight
♪ And I need you
more than ever ♪
♪ And if you'll only hold me tight ♪
♪ You'll be holding me ♪ We'll be holding on forever
♪ And we'll only be making it right ♪
♪ And we'll never ♪ 'Cause we'll never be wrong
♪ Together we can take it to the end of the light ♪
♪ Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time ♪ ♪ All of the time
♪ I don't know what to do
♪ I'm always in the dark
♪ Living in a powder keg and giving off sparks ♪
[wild cheering]
♪ We got married in the spring
♪ To prove it here's my wedding ring ♪
♪ I always think of my blushing groom ♪
♪ Whenever I see the pansies bloom ♪
♪ Oh no
♪ Say it cannot be
♪ Queer things are happening to me ♪
♪ A groom should bring his bride some joy ♪
♪ A boy's supposed to be a boy
♪ I told him about the birds and bees ♪
♪ But he still wears those pink shimmies ♪
♪ Oh no
♪ Say it cannot be
♪ Queer things
♪ Are happening to me
♪ His hair is curly as can be
♪ He uses curlers just like me
♪ When I find lipstick on his tie ♪
♪ He says there's no other woman so it must be a guy ♪
♪ Oh no
♪ Quelle tragédie
♪ Queer things
♪ Are happening to me
♪ He's so big and he's so strong ♪
♪ I can't figure out where he went wrong ♪
♪ Must've got caught right in between ♪
♪ His name is Chris it ought to be Christine ♪
♪ Oh no
♪ Say it cannot be
♪ Queer things
♪ Are happening to me
[castanets clicking]
♪ He's never been to Gay Paree
♪ But he is as gay as he can be ♪
♪ His friends are sweet they're the queerest band ♪
♪ They're turning my home into a fairy land ♪
♪ Oh no
♪ Oh what a tragedy
♪ Queer things
♪ Are happening to me
♪ We went one night to a masquerade ♪
♪ And I dressed up like a parlour maid ♪
♪ Everyone knew it was me right away ♪
♪ But no one knew he was the Queen of the Mae ♪
♪ Oh no
♪ Woodman spare that tree
♪ Queer things
♪ Are happening to me
[flute music]
♪ Whenever we'd go out to dine ♪
♪ I'd buy him pheasant and apricot wine ♪
♪ But he says no what can I do ♪
♪ He doesn't wanna try anything that's new ♪
♪ Oh no ♪ Marone
♪ Say it cannot be
♪ Queer things
♪ Are happening to me
♪ While I was walking down the aisle ♪
♪ His friends all stood around and smiled ♪
♪ I found out why and it hurts my pride ♪
♪ They knew he liked the best man better than the bride ♪
♪ Oh no
♪ No I cannot be
♪ Queer things
♪ Are happening to me
[castanets clicking]
♪ We have decided it cannot be
♪ I'm not for him and he's not for me ♪
♪ He can do what he wants and I'll do what I can ♪
♪ But the both of us
♪ Have gotta get a man...
[musical flourish]
♪ You're worth fighting for
♪ Come on over and we'll settle it right ♪
♪ Put your dukes up
♪ 'Cause I'm ready to fight for you... ♪
♪ I'll fight for you...
♪ Don't want the pain but I'll take it in stride ♪
♪ Put your dukes up 'cause i'm ready to fight for you... ♪
♪ I'll fight for you...
♪ If I turn away now
♪ Do I lose this battle
♪ Will you stay around if I back down ♪
♪ If I back down
♪ Or do you want a fair fight
♪ Because I'm your equal
♪ You wanna get in my mind
♪ Know what i'm like
♪ Oh
♪ I wanted to embrace
♪ This boring lack of conflict
♪ But that was all before
♪ Come on over and we'll settle it right ♪
♪ Put your dukes up 'cause I'm ready to fight for you... ♪
♪ I'll fight for you...
♪ Don't want the pain but I'll take it in stride ♪
♪ Put your dukes up 'cause i'm ready to fight for you... ♪
♪ I'll fight for you...
♪ Come on over and we'll settle it right ♪
♪ Put your dukes up 'cause I'm ready to fight for you... ♪
♪ I'll fight for you...
Subtitling: difuze