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mellow music
[Lane clears throat]
I'm gonna go.
I can't.
You'll still get paid,
and I can come back tomorrow, and I'll pick it up.
I might donate it. I could--
What is that smell?
Is that...
like, feet?
Do people get nervous?
That really might-- I might believe.
Oh, it's period blood, right?
It's, like--and there's, like, iron in it.
I can--do you guys do turkeys?
Yeah, we only--we only do it during Thanksgiving.
I hate turkey, and that's weird
'cause that's how this whole thing started.
It was Thanksgiving.
I made the Tofurky, and my sister made turkey.
And it was that moment, like, at the end of the night
when it was just me by myself.
My nephew started throwing up or something.
And I was alone, and it was the first time I could kind of,
like, hear myself think.
And I realized what it was.
So I went to the refrigerator, and I opened up the door,
and I took off the tinfoil,
and I just started putting the turkey meat in my mouth.
I started eating like an animal like I was mad and furious.
It was disgusting, and...
it was so good.
I'm vegan.
I've been vegan since I was in ninth grade,
and I'm, like, obnoxious about it.
I make people feel bad.
I go around the country, and I speak about the ease
of the vegan lifestyle.
What's your name?
Chris.
Chris. I'm Lane.
So the thing is, Chris,
there's this situation.
And I'm not scared of having a baby.
I'm scared of who I am while I'm growing this baby.
I don't recognize myself.
I close my eyes at night,
and I imagine that I'm eating dead animals.
Sometimes they're still alive while I'm eating them.
Like, a pig is looking me in the eyes and crying,
and I'm chewing on its leg.
Or a goat, a lamb.
So the other night I was in a restaurant,
and this waiter walked by with this plate
of, like, frenched lamb.
It was like a rack of-- you French the lamb.
That sounds weird. But I smelled it, and I saw it.
And my body just went towards it.
I didn't--but I'm--
and the thing is, I have these hands
with fingernails for tearing apart flesh.
And I have molars for smashing up bones.
And I have a brain that can invent
and wield a knife for killing
and carving up a food that I so desperately want right now.
And I hate myself for it.
Oh, God. Whoa!
Oh, God.
[laughs]
You know, they did this, um,
study in Ecuador
where they left the heads on the pigs for the day,
and the sales plummeted.
People can't handle this.
They need to be able to disassociate
from where their meat comes from.
How fucked up is that?
Because if I died
because somebody wanted to fulfill
as intense of a craving as I have right now,
I would want them to at least acknowledge me.
Say, "Thank you," or "Hi," or...
Like, "Hi.
Hello. Lamb, thank you.
You were alive, and now you're dead because of me.
And Chris and I are going to cut you up.
And we're going to put you in my refrigerator,
and we're going to cook you.
And I'm going to eat you with my mouth and my teeth.
And you're going to nourish me and my 14-week-old fetus.
And that's not fair.
And maybe...
there's some alternate universe
where you're pregnant, and I'm lying on that table.
But for right now, I want to say thank you.
Thank you.
Oh, God. Thank you. Sorry."
Chris, tell me about this
gorgeous, dead, sad animal.
Well, she wasn't sad.
It was a girl?
-[Chris] Yeah. -It was a girl lamb.
She grew up on Stuart's Farm about 30 minutes from here.
She was born near the apple orchard.
Always on a pasture.
Lived with brothers, sisters.
She was a happy lamb.
Never had a bad day except maybe one.
And that would be the day that I killed her
with the captive bolt gun.
Arguably, it was a much better death
than if she would have died of natural causes.
But we don't know that.
I appreciate you said, "Arguably."
lively percussive music
I love her.
I want her.
You paid for her. Are we going to do this?
Yeah. Let's do this.
[groans]
[vocalist singing in language]
Wow.
My youngest was like, "I can eat half a plate."
He suddenly respected me.
But I think it actually made me a total weirdo.
Spiteful since I was alone.
[vocalist singing in language]
I was gonna name her. I forgot.
I know that's probably not a good idea, but--
Well, you can name her now.
Ugh.
Names are so hard.
Chris.
[laughs] Yeah. Maybe.
-Kidding, I'm kidding. -No, maybe I will.
Kidding.
No, fuck it. You know what? She knows I respect her.
Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?
Yeah, it's a boy.
I don't know anything else about him.
Oh, except for one thing.
I know he's gonna be a vegetarian
as long as I'm in charge of what he eats.
-I feel sad for him. -[Lane laughs]
Yeah, me too.
mellow music
[singer vocalizing]