1 00:00:00,734 --> 00:00:03,303 (soft autoharp music) 2 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:00:20,654 --> 00:00:22,022 - I always do this when I get nervous. 5 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,424 I put too much makeup on and then I look crazy. 6 00:00:30,130 --> 00:00:31,598 I was gonna do the show but now, 7 00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:34,101 I think I might just walk center stage and hang myself. 8 00:00:36,603 --> 00:00:37,371 Oh my god. 9 00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:43,377 Me rifling through a disgusting bag 10 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,679 trying to find a half-eaten Zyrtec 11 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,649 so that when I start crying, 12 00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:51,018 I know it's from the motions and not pollen. 13 00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:57,724 Yes, I'm an autodidact, 14 00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,559 which I thought meant that your blood didn't clot 15 00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:02,296 and I found out yesterday it means you're self-taught. 16 00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:05,632 (bright autoharp music) 17 00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:24,751 When selecting gemstones, 18 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:28,221 I always choose something that goes with my skin tone 19 00:01:28,221 --> 00:01:30,090 and in both the winter and the summer. 20 00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:34,428 Oh, great, they fell off. 21 00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,763 ("Soldier") 22 00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:47,441 ♪ Weirdness follows me wherever I go ♪ 23 00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:48,942 ♪ Weirdness seems to know me 24 00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:53,180 ♪ Even better than I seem to know myself ♪ 25 00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:54,448 ♪ I'm someone else 26 00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,383 - Yell out the last word of every joke. 27 00:01:56,383 --> 00:01:57,584 - Okay. 28 00:01:57,584 --> 00:01:58,452 - Because that makes it more funny. 29 00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:01,021 ♪ I'm covered in scabs 30 00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:04,124 - If you're nervous, you can't show them any fear. 31 00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,460 They can't know that you're afraid. 32 00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:07,728 As an audience member-- - Why do you think 33 00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:08,795 I wear this much makeup, Margaret? 34 00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:11,531 ♪ I'm covered in scabs 35 00:02:11,531 --> 00:02:13,700 - Yeah, try to keep your asshole really tight, 36 00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:15,469 like shut really tight, like if you had a tail, 37 00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:17,371 you would put it over the top of it. 38 00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:18,305 - Oh, I have it down. 39 00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:22,109 ♪ Oh soldier, take your time 40 00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:25,245 - Please welcome to the stage the complex multi talents 41 00:02:25,245 --> 00:02:29,483 of the inimitable, the incomparable skinny legend herself, 42 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:30,717 Ms Trixie Mattel! 43 00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:31,918 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 44 00:02:31,918 --> 00:02:33,987 ♪ No one said the words all had to rhyme ♪ 45 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,989 ♪ And if they do, it's fine 46 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:38,291 ♪ And even if they don't 47 00:02:38,291 --> 00:02:40,427 ♪ No one needs to know 48 00:02:40,427 --> 00:02:44,131 ♪ Whoa, whoa, soldier, you gotta let things go ♪ 49 00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:47,134 (audience cheering) 50 00:02:57,944 --> 00:03:01,648 (Trixie screams) 51 00:03:01,648 --> 00:03:05,018 (audience cheering) 52 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:08,321 (Trixie screams) 53 00:03:08,321 --> 00:03:10,190 (audience laughing) (audience cheering) 54 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,525 (Trixie screams) 55 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,193 (audience screams) 56 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:14,461 (Trixie screams melodically) 57 00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:15,796 (audience screams melodically) 58 00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:16,997 (Trixie screams melodically) 59 00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:18,432 (audience screams melodically) 60 00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:19,332 And a ooh. 61 00:03:19,332 --> 00:03:20,600 - [Audience] And a ooh. 62 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:23,370 (Trixie cackling) 63 00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,539 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 64 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,040 Thank you all tonight for coming 65 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,676 to the Ricardo Montalban Theater. 66 00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:32,212 Now many of you know my assistant Ryan, clap for Ryan. 67 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:36,716 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 68 00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:39,219 Now, we've got him a way to make the ending a big finish. 69 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,287 Are you ready? 70 00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:41,388 (audience cheering) 71 00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:42,355 Are you ready? 72 00:03:42,355 --> 00:03:43,490 (audience cheering) 73 00:03:43,490 --> 00:03:44,624 Ryan, hit it. 74 00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:50,964 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 75 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:52,899 Okay. 76 00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:58,004 Oh, we might need this tomorrow, okay. 77 00:03:58,004 --> 00:03:59,539 (audience laughing) 78 00:03:59,539 --> 00:04:02,309 And that was my show, have such a great night, bye! 79 00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:03,910 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 80 00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:06,246 (Trixie laughing) Okay. 81 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,148 (audience laughing) 82 00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:09,749 I'm so happy to see so many of you. 83 00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:12,085 I love you, I love you, I trust you. 84 00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:13,687 Trust fall, okay. 85 00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:14,921 (audience laughing) 86 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,156 That would be a pretty strong way 87 00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:17,324 to start the show though, wouldn't it? 88 00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:20,327 (audience laughing) 89 00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:22,929 I might do it, bitch. 90 00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:26,433 Could you tell I'm kind of an insecure performer? 91 00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:28,001 Most people call that a stage dive. 92 00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:30,036 I'm like, "It's a trust fall." 93 00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:31,671 (audience laughing) 94 00:04:31,671 --> 00:04:34,274 (Trixie sighs) 95 00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,110 By the way, we're taping this. 96 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:40,113 (audience cheering) 97 00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:42,449 Like, Trixie, tonight you're taped. 98 00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:44,751 I'm like, "Mama, I'm taped every night." 99 00:04:44,751 --> 00:04:47,087 (audience laughing) 100 00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:49,623 Have you ever used Goo Gone on your piss slit? 101 00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:53,560 (audience laughing) (audience groaning) 102 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,228 I'm really pumped to be here tonight, you guys. 103 00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:56,630 I've performed here many a time 104 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,532 and I got so excited getting ready tonight. 105 00:04:58,532 --> 00:05:00,634 My first special, I felt like one of those deaf people 106 00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,969 turning on a Cochlear implant, I was like (screams). 107 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:09,309 (audience laughing) 108 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:13,980 Hmm. 109 00:05:16,216 --> 00:05:18,418 Oh, come on, they're not gonna hear about it. 110 00:05:18,418 --> 00:05:21,755 (audience laughing) (audience cheering) 111 00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:23,323 Ooh. 112 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:26,326 (audience laughing) 113 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,994 (Trixie sighs) 114 00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:29,596 I just wanna address the elephant in the room tonight. 115 00:05:29,596 --> 00:05:30,997 I know a lot of you guys came here tonight 116 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:33,400 thinking you were gonna be going to a drag show, you know? 117 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,735 You said to your friends, "Stephanie, Roberta," 118 00:05:35,735 --> 00:05:36,670 I don't know. 119 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,939 (audience laughing) 120 00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,574 You said, "Let's go to a drag show. 121 00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:42,742 "It's gonna be a man dressed as a woman." 122 00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:47,581 And then instead you guys got here, and. (sighs) 123 00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:50,350 (audience laughing) 124 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:55,355 Ah, it's a woman, no, it's a woman. (imitates crying) 125 00:05:58,191 --> 00:05:59,626 Like, all the way from the balcony, 126 00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:01,928 you guys were like, "Wow, Dakota Fanning. 127 00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:06,933 (audience laughing) (audience cheering) 128 00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,671 And then from the middle of the back of the floor seats, 129 00:06:11,671 --> 00:06:15,508 you guys were like, "Wow, Hayden Panettiere." 130 00:06:16,676 --> 00:06:19,145 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 131 00:06:19,145 --> 00:06:20,647 And then up front, you guys up close, 132 00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:23,450 you're like, "Janice from The Muppets, holy fucking shit." 133 00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:28,188 (audience laughing) (audience cheering) 134 00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:29,623 Thank you, I've been traveling so much, 135 00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:31,558 I haven't gotten to perform in L.A. super recently 136 00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:32,892 but I was just in Australia. 137 00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:35,195 I never get the picture with the koala 138 00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:36,463 'cause I've heard that drag queens go there 139 00:06:36,463 --> 00:06:37,897 and they all have the koala, whatever, 140 00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:39,399 and I ask the gay guys there, I'm like, 141 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,401 "Is it really worth it, is it really cool, the koalas?" 142 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:42,902 And they go, "Yeah." 143 00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:45,238 (audience laughing) 144 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,007 "But they've all got chlamydia." 145 00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:49,242 (audience laughing) (audience cheering) 146 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:52,412 "And good luck holding one, they sleep 16 hours a day." 147 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,813 (audience laughing) 148 00:06:53,813 --> 00:06:56,383 Listen, if sleeping all day 149 00:06:56,383 --> 00:06:59,419 and having chlamydia makes you a koala, 150 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:02,055 (audience laughing) 151 00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:07,060 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 152 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,430 why don't you put this pussy on the endangered species list? 153 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:14,434 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 154 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,436 But I perform for all different types of audiences. 155 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:19,205 This is a drag fan audience but my favorite type of audience 156 00:07:19,205 --> 00:07:21,841 is bear audiences, are bears here tonight? (Trixie cheers) 157 00:07:21,841 --> 00:07:23,877 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 158 00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:25,845 (sighs) Thank you, the straight girls are like, 159 00:07:25,845 --> 00:07:29,249 "I know what bears are, I've seen 'Drag Race'." 160 00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:34,254 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 161 00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:40,193 Fierce. 162 00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:43,196 (audience laughing) 163 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,569 No, I just recently did a whole bear event 164 00:07:49,569 --> 00:07:51,071 and it was a theater just like this 165 00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:54,307 but imagine the biggest toughest gay guys you've ever seen 166 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,809 rolling into the theater. 167 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,244 It was very, like, masc for sleep mask, you know. 168 00:07:58,244 --> 00:08:01,715 (audience laughing) 169 00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:04,317 But that was a joke about sleep apnea 170 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,586 (audience laughing) 171 00:08:06,586 --> 00:08:10,156 which is a phenomenon where your body is so big 172 00:08:11,558 --> 00:08:13,059 that your lungs are like, (imitates whooshing) 173 00:08:13,059 --> 00:08:14,627 "Lights out, big boy." 174 00:08:14,627 --> 00:08:17,630 (audience laughing) 175 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:23,670 I mean, imagine being body-shamed by your own lungs. 176 00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:26,673 (audience laughing) 177 00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:28,508 I love sleeping with big chubby guys though 178 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:29,776 'cause they all have those sleep masks 179 00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:31,478 they sleep with at night. 180 00:08:31,478 --> 00:08:34,080 They all kinda remind me of gay Bane from Batman. 181 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,784 (audience laughing) 182 00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:39,119 I'm like, "Babe," 183 00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:43,623 (imitates CPAP machine whooshing) 184 00:08:43,623 --> 00:08:47,127 "Yes mama boots the house down for the gods?" 185 00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:51,865 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 186 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,299 So there's a lot of new material tonight. 187 00:08:53,299 --> 00:08:54,934 The big thing is, you guys, coming out here, 188 00:08:54,934 --> 00:08:58,471 I was just afraid I would bomb, you know? 189 00:08:58,471 --> 00:08:59,706 - [Audience Member] You would never! 190 00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:01,374 - But then I thought in these short little shoes 191 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,176 with this big blonde hair, if I really did bomb, 192 00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:04,511 you guys would just be like, "Wow, 193 00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:06,379 "Lady Bunny was really off her game." 194 00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:08,782 (audience laughing) 195 00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:11,785 (audience cheering) 196 00:09:13,119 --> 00:09:13,953 Thank you. 197 00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:22,362 (audience laughing) 198 00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:23,730 Don't worry, I got it. 199 00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:25,231 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 200 00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:26,800 One time I was trying to get this guitar on in drag 201 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,002 and someone yelled, "Someone help her!" 202 00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:32,972 (audience laughing) (audience cheering) 203 00:09:32,972 --> 00:09:34,207 (guitar strumming) 204 00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:35,742 Which, you know, as a live performer, 205 00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:36,643 not really what I'm hoping to hear from the audience. 206 00:09:36,643 --> 00:09:39,345 (audience laughing) 207 00:09:39,345 --> 00:09:40,914 "Someone help her!" 208 00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:43,416 (audience laughing) 209 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:44,350 But honestly I figured tonight, 210 00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:45,685 you guys, if I really did bomb, 211 00:09:45,685 --> 00:09:47,420 I would just change my drag name to ISIS. 212 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:52,091 (audience cheering) (gentle guitar music) 213 00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:54,594 Oh, are you offended on behalf of ISIS? 214 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:55,528 (audience laughing) 215 00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:57,697 (gentle guitar music) 216 00:09:57,697 --> 00:10:00,500 How many of you have never seen me before? 217 00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:02,502 (audience cheering) 218 00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:04,337 And how many of you have seen me before? (Trixie cheers) 219 00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:09,342 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 220 00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:10,376 It's nice. 221 00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:14,280 Normally I don't have a huge repeat audience 222 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,949 (audience laughing softly) 223 00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,951 and some of you are about to find out why. 224 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,753 (audience laughing) 225 00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:24,257 ♪ This show could get quite offensive ♪ 226 00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:27,627 ♪ This show could get kinda rude ♪ 227 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:31,064 ♪ You'll think to yourself, I could be anywhere else ♪ 228 00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:34,300 ♪ At the movies or eating a food ♪ 229 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:37,303 (audience laughing) 230 00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:48,081 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 231 00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:51,217 ♪ Audiences get quite defensive ♪ 232 00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:54,821 ♪ When the jokes become kinda crude ♪ 233 00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:56,089 ♪ You'll turn to your friends 234 00:10:56,089 --> 00:11:00,059 ♪ You'll say, "When does this end ♪ 235 00:11:00,059 --> 00:11:04,964 ♪ "I hate it, who is she" 236 00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:08,167 ♪ And "Boo" 237 00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:10,003 (audience laughing softly) 238 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:13,139 ♪ But capitalism is just tapping to the rhythm ♪ 239 00:11:13,139 --> 00:11:16,075 ♪ Of the sound of your pocket full of change ♪ 240 00:11:16,075 --> 00:11:18,177 I mean, I rhymed tapping with capital, to the rhythm, 241 00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:19,512 I mean, that's amazing. 242 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:22,615 (audience laughing) (audience cheering) 243 00:11:22,615 --> 00:11:26,085 And if that doesn't impress you, I wanna tell you one thing. 244 00:11:26,085 --> 00:11:29,022 ♪ I've already got your money 245 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:33,359 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 246 00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:36,529 ♪ I've already got your money 247 00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:40,033 ♪ Even all the bees know the price of honey ♪ 248 00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,802 ♪ And I'm just the comb 249 00:11:42,802 --> 00:11:45,805 ♪ And if you don't like it, you can go home ♪ 250 00:11:45,805 --> 00:11:50,777 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 251 00:11:53,846 --> 00:11:57,216 ♪ These days, everyone's so sensitive ♪ 252 00:11:57,216 --> 00:12:00,520 ♪ I'm never sure just what to say ♪ 253 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:03,856 ♪ No jokes about blacks in my one-woman act ♪ 254 00:12:03,856 --> 00:12:08,061 ♪ About the Mormon, the Jewish, or gay ♪ 255 00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:09,329 (audience laughing) 256 00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:12,065 I can make a gay joke, I have a gay friend. 257 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:16,569 (audience laughing) (audience cheering) 258 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,237 Honestly, if you are offended, 259 00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:22,375 ♪ How many fucks am I meant to give ♪ 260 00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:25,912 ♪ When you're already here anyway ♪ 261 00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:28,581 ♪ I'll say what I want to these motherfuckers in the front ♪ 262 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:29,716 Hello. 263 00:12:29,716 --> 00:12:31,818 (audience cheering) 264 00:12:31,818 --> 00:12:33,219 That's a pretty nice seat over there, 265 00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:37,757 sir, in the floral shirt, wow, rich. 266 00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,425 (audience laughing) 267 00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,094 Those are nice seats, I would hate to offend you 268 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:43,363 sitting right up front like this. 269 00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:45,598 ♪ But what's it matter 270 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:48,067 ♪ He's already paid 271 00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:50,269 (audience laughing) 272 00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:53,172 ♪ And capitalism is just tapping to the rhythm ♪ 273 00:12:53,172 --> 00:12:58,111 ♪ Of the sound of your pocket full of change ♪ 274 00:12:59,078 --> 00:13:00,380 ♪ I've already got your money 275 00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:01,948 What if it was, like, really Blink-182? 276 00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:03,783 ♪ Already got your money 277 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:08,021 (audience laughing) (audience cheering) 278 00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:10,790 ♪ My job here's to be funny 279 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,358 ♪ And occasionally say 280 00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:13,926 (Trixie clears throat) 281 00:13:13,926 --> 00:13:15,128 Oh, honey. 282 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:19,766 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 283 00:13:20,933 --> 00:13:22,735 I might only say that once tonight, okay? 284 00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:23,936 - No. - No. 285 00:13:23,936 --> 00:13:26,472 - And if that's not enough for you, 286 00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:28,908 ♪ I've already got your money 287 00:13:28,908 --> 00:13:30,476 Sing it, Trixie Mattel has-- 288 00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:32,812 ♪ Already got our money 289 00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,113 - This sounds so good. 290 00:13:34,113 --> 00:13:37,216 ♪ I've already got RuPaul's money ♪ 291 00:13:37,216 --> 00:13:42,221 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 292 00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:48,461 ♪ If you don't like it, you can go home. ♪ 293 00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:53,466 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 294 00:13:57,236 --> 00:13:58,237 I love that. 295 00:13:58,237 --> 00:14:01,507 (soft guitar music) 296 00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:04,610 Honestly, my job as a comedian is try to relate 297 00:14:04,610 --> 00:14:06,946 to as many of you as possible, but honestly, 298 00:14:06,946 --> 00:14:08,181 because the last couple of years 299 00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:11,017 and my mediocre rise to fame and fortune, 300 00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:12,285 (audience laughing) 301 00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:13,619 it's hard for me to find common ground 302 00:14:13,619 --> 00:14:15,188 with some of you, you know? 303 00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:17,023 Honestly at this point, the show is just about me 304 00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:19,092 and the front few rows of rich people. 305 00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:22,295 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 306 00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:24,964 Them, balcony, mama, I don't know them. 307 00:14:24,964 --> 00:14:27,967 (audience laughing) 308 00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:33,473 The fucking cast of Les Mis up there, no. 309 00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:38,478 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 310 00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:41,047 They all have little crappy haircuts 311 00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:42,882 and they're covered in ashes, hi. 312 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:46,018 (audience laughing) 313 00:14:46,018 --> 00:14:47,520 And if you guys up there, 314 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:48,888 if you could see the front few rows of rich people, 315 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,022 they all have fur, they're like, (chortles). 316 00:14:50,957 --> 00:14:53,960 (audience laughing) 317 00:14:56,295 --> 00:14:59,198 So this song, yeah, this song, 318 00:15:00,366 --> 00:15:02,802 this is for you front rows of rich people. 319 00:15:02,802 --> 00:15:06,239 (audience cheering) 320 00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:09,041 ♪ Hey, rich people 321 00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:11,310 ♪ Beautiful rich people 322 00:15:11,310 --> 00:15:15,414 ♪ Don't you hate it when you double park your boat ♪ 323 00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:18,084 (audience laughing) 324 00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:19,252 ♪ Whoa 325 00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,920 (audience laughing) 326 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,089 ♪ Hey, rich people 327 00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:27,059 ♪ Just you guys, rich people 328 00:15:27,059 --> 00:15:30,163 ♪ Don't you hate it when you spill the blood of the poor ♪ 329 00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:31,697 ♪ On your fur coat 330 00:15:31,697 --> 00:15:36,702 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 331 00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,605 ♪ You got more money, you've got more problems ♪ 332 00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:43,843 ♪ Can't use a $100 bill as a condom ♪ 333 00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:48,347 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 334 00:15:48,347 --> 00:15:49,916 (Trixie moans) 335 00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:53,686 (audience laughing) 336 00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:55,087 (Trixie gasps) 337 00:15:55,087 --> 00:15:58,090 (audience laughing) 338 00:16:00,026 --> 00:16:02,962 (audience laughing) 339 00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:06,132 Honestly, it's just about us. 340 00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:08,234 ♪ Hey, rich people 341 00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:12,205 ♪ Just you guys, rich people 342 00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:15,474 ♪ Don't you hate it when your ring turns your finger green ♪ 343 00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:18,811 I'm just kidding, that doesn't happen to us. (laughs) 344 00:16:20,379 --> 00:16:22,381 (audience laughing) 345 00:16:22,381 --> 00:16:23,616 Rich. 346 00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:28,387 (gentle guitar music) (audience laughing) 347 00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:30,923 ♪ Hey, rich people 348 00:16:30,923 --> 00:16:34,560 ♪ Not you guys, rich people 349 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:39,565 ♪ Don't you hate it when the hooker turns out to be 17 ♪ 350 00:16:40,766 --> 00:16:44,670 (audience laughing) (audience groaning) 351 00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:50,443 It's like, I'm pretty sure I paid for 16. 352 00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:55,448 (audience laughing) (audience groaning) 353 00:17:05,424 --> 00:17:07,827 If you're not laughing, you're looking a little guilty. 354 00:17:07,827 --> 00:17:12,832 (audience cheering) (audience laughing) 355 00:17:13,999 --> 00:17:15,301 Some intergenerational gay couple is like, 356 00:17:15,301 --> 00:17:16,869 "We should leave." 357 00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:19,872 (audience cheering) 358 00:17:24,176 --> 00:17:26,979 ♪ You got more money and things go wrong ♪ 359 00:17:26,979 --> 00:17:31,150 ♪ The only way to relate is through a song ♪ 360 00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:31,984 (audience laughing) 361 00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:32,818 (Trixie sniffs) 362 00:17:32,818 --> 00:17:34,186 (Trixie moans) 363 00:17:34,186 --> 00:17:37,189 (audience laughing) 364 00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:43,229 ♪ Hey, rich people 365 00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:47,500 ♪ I know you feel me, rich people ♪ 366 00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:48,734 ♪ Don't you hate it 367 00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,670 When it's New Year's Eve in West Hollywood 368 00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:52,738 and you're with Betsey Johnson and Johnny Weir 369 00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,974 and Pamela Anderson, 370 00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:58,411 and all of a sudden Pamela goes, "We should go to Vegas," 371 00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:01,180 and you go, "Pamela, we haven't even packed." 372 00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:04,483 And she pulls out her Visa card and goes, "We're packed." 373 00:18:04,483 --> 00:18:09,488 (audience laughing) (audience cheering) 374 00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:12,758 And three days later, you wake up in a taxi 375 00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:16,262 outside of the Bellagio Hotel wearing nothing but flip flops 376 00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:17,496 (audience laughing) 377 00:18:17,496 --> 00:18:20,066 and that 17-year-old hooker died. 378 00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:25,071 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 379 00:18:25,071 --> 00:18:27,840 ♪ And you have to change your name ♪ 380 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,576 (audience laughing) 381 00:18:30,576 --> 00:18:32,078 ♪ To Trixie Mattel 382 00:18:32,078 --> 00:18:37,083 (audience applauding) (audience cheering) 383 00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:41,253 ♪ You got more money and things get harder ♪ 384 00:18:41,253 --> 00:18:43,956 ♪ Just ask a celebrity like me 385 00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:44,890 (audience laughing) 386 00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:46,525 ♪ Or Jennifer Garner 387 00:18:46,525 --> 00:18:48,127 (audience laughing) 388 00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:51,130 ♪ Whoa 389 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:53,299 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa 390 00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:56,535 ♪ Rich people 391 00:18:56,535 --> 00:19:00,106 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa 392 00:19:00,106 --> 00:19:01,974 (audience laughing) 393 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,776 (Trixie moans) 394 00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:08,781 (audience applauding) (audience cheering) 395 00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:13,486 Great. 396 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,154 (audience laughing) (audience cheering) 397 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,655 Some of you guys, I know you, 398 00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,324 I recognize your face from the meet and greet. (cheers) 399 00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:20,626 (audience cheering) 400 00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:23,763 Meet and greets are fun, for you. 401 00:19:23,763 --> 00:19:26,132 (audience laughing) 402 00:19:26,132 --> 00:19:27,900 No, for me it's like that scene in "Precious" 403 00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,101 where her dad's fucking her. 404 00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:31,237 I just sorta leave my body. 405 00:19:31,237 --> 00:19:36,242 (audience laughing) (audience groaning) 406 00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:44,350 Did you need me to sing the song again, or 407 00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:45,785 (audience laughing) 408 00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:46,685 we're good? 409 00:19:49,488 --> 00:19:51,090 The thing about meet and greets, you guys, 410 00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:53,959 is meet and greets, we're big tall scary drag queens 411 00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:55,361 so meet and greets, people get up to us 412 00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:57,663 and they get very emotional very quickly. 413 00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:00,433 People get up to me and they just panic. 414 00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:03,636 They're just, "Ah, Trixie, I was abused." 415 00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:07,006 (audience laughing) 416 00:20:07,006 --> 00:20:09,642 And I'm always like, "Just now? 417 00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:12,645 (audience laughing) 418 00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:15,381 "What did he look like? 419 00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:17,149 (audience laughing) 420 00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:18,617 "Is he still here?" 421 00:20:18,617 --> 00:20:22,154 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 422 00:20:22,154 --> 00:20:24,723 (Trixie moans) 423 00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:28,127 "Trixie, I was diagnosed with cancer 424 00:20:28,127 --> 00:20:29,562 "and you really helped me." 425 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,030 (Trixie sucks air through teeth) 426 00:20:31,030 --> 00:20:33,232 I heard chemo helps more. 427 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,534 (audience laughing) 428 00:20:35,534 --> 00:20:38,504 (laughs) Might wanna step it up. 429 00:20:38,504 --> 00:20:41,507 (audience laughing) 430 00:20:41,507 --> 00:20:44,376 Oh, come on, laughter is the best medicine. 431 00:20:44,376 --> 00:20:46,879 (audience laughing) 432 00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:48,380 Unless you have cancer. 433 00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:51,350 (audience laughing) 434 00:20:57,256 --> 00:21:00,092 "Trixie, I want you to know that I was sexually molested too 435 00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,261 "and my molester used to smoke Parliaments 436 00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,830 "and to this day, when I smell cigarette smoke, 437 00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:06,499 "my pussy tightens up." 438 00:21:07,533 --> 00:21:11,103 (audience laughing softly) 439 00:21:12,238 --> 00:21:13,372 And I'm just like, 440 00:21:14,740 --> 00:21:17,843 (audience laughing) 441 00:21:17,843 --> 00:21:20,246 "You want me to sign your trucker hat, or?" 442 00:21:20,246 --> 00:21:25,084 (audience laughing) (audience cheering) 443 00:21:25,084 --> 00:21:27,620 (Trixie sighs) 444 00:21:30,890 --> 00:21:33,292 I don't know if I can help you. 445 00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:36,295 (audience laughing) 446 00:21:38,430 --> 00:21:40,966 (Trixie sighs) 447 00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:44,103 People say all kinds of crazy shit to us at meet and greets. 448 00:21:44,103 --> 00:21:46,639 I was at a meet and greet with Bob the Drag Queen. 449 00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:49,441 (audience cheering) 450 00:21:49,441 --> 00:21:51,544 (sighs) Yeah, we get it, he's not like you. 451 00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:54,046 (audience laughing) 452 00:21:54,046 --> 00:21:55,314 (sighs) What, did you guys forget 453 00:21:55,314 --> 00:21:57,316 to invite your black friends tonight, or? 454 00:21:57,316 --> 00:22:00,419 (audience laughing) 455 00:22:00,419 --> 00:22:01,887 By the way, I know exactly what's happening. 456 00:22:01,887 --> 00:22:03,222 It's always some white girl with her black friend 457 00:22:03,222 --> 00:22:06,292 giving full show choir, "Black friend!" 458 00:22:06,292 --> 00:22:11,297 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 459 00:22:12,731 --> 00:22:14,400 But I was a meet and greet with Bob 460 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,101 and this girl gets up to us and Bob goes, 461 00:22:16,101 --> 00:22:19,071 "Can you turn the flash on because I'm very black?" 462 00:22:19,071 --> 00:22:20,005 (audience laughing) 463 00:22:20,005 --> 00:22:21,574 That's not the joke, ma'am, wow. 464 00:22:21,574 --> 00:22:26,579 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 465 00:22:29,682 --> 00:22:30,783 Wow. 466 00:22:30,783 --> 00:22:33,786 (audience laughing) 467 00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:37,156 Okay, this section's on time out. 468 00:22:37,156 --> 00:22:39,758 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 469 00:22:39,758 --> 00:22:40,593 Sorry. 470 00:22:42,928 --> 00:22:44,463 You guys are the new middle. 471 00:22:44,463 --> 00:22:48,367 (audience laughing) (audience cheering) 472 00:22:48,367 --> 00:22:50,102 And Bob goes, "Can you turn the flash on 473 00:22:50,102 --> 00:22:51,837 "because I'm very black?" 474 00:22:51,837 --> 00:22:55,341 And the girl goes, "Stop it, Bob, you're beautiful." 475 00:22:55,341 --> 00:22:57,943 (audience laughing) 476 00:22:57,943 --> 00:22:59,979 - [Audience Member] What? 477 00:23:02,514 --> 00:23:05,818 - I was like, "First of all, you're racist." 478 00:23:05,818 --> 00:23:08,821 (audience laughing) - Yeah. 479 00:23:08,821 --> 00:23:12,124 - Second of all, you are lying to her. (laughs) 480 00:23:12,124 --> 00:23:14,226 (audience laughing) 481 00:23:14,226 --> 00:23:15,961 I was doing Grindr's Christmas party, 482 00:23:15,961 --> 00:23:17,730 I know, very A-list, 483 00:23:17,730 --> 00:23:19,231 (audience cheering) 484 00:23:19,231 --> 00:23:20,966 and they were like, "Okay, we want Trixie to wear all red 485 00:23:20,966 --> 00:23:23,569 "and we're gonna have employees sit on her lap." 486 00:23:23,569 --> 00:23:25,204 (audience laughing softly) 487 00:23:25,204 --> 00:23:27,406 I was like, "What if I wore all white 488 00:23:27,406 --> 00:23:29,241 "and nobody touches me?" 489 00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:31,577 (audience laughing) 490 00:23:31,577 --> 00:23:35,581 And they're like, "Okay." (laughs) 491 00:23:35,581 --> 00:23:37,316 "Merry Christmas." 492 00:23:37,316 --> 00:23:40,319 (audience laughing) 493 00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:45,557 And it's not getting easier as I get older. 494 00:23:45,557 --> 00:23:48,761 You guys, I'm getting older, my body's changing. 495 00:23:48,761 --> 00:23:50,529 (audience laughing) 496 00:23:50,529 --> 00:23:53,332 I'm shifting back into a bag of leaves. 497 00:23:53,332 --> 00:23:56,335 (audience laughing) 498 00:23:59,738 --> 00:24:01,240 By the way, you guys are really good fans. 499 00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:03,542 I say some crazy shit like I'm turning into leaves, 500 00:24:03,542 --> 00:24:05,611 and you guys are like, "Yeah, girl, we're all leaves. 501 00:24:05,611 --> 00:24:07,413 "What the fuck is she talking about?" 502 00:24:07,413 --> 00:24:10,883 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 503 00:24:10,883 --> 00:24:12,351 And I always wanted to be one of those people 504 00:24:12,351 --> 00:24:16,021 where I'm getting older and people go, "You are aging well." 505 00:24:16,021 --> 00:24:16,955 (audience laughing softly) 506 00:24:16,955 --> 00:24:19,258 Instead they go, "You are aging. 507 00:24:19,258 --> 00:24:20,959 (audience laughing) 508 00:24:20,959 --> 00:24:21,794 "Well." 509 00:24:24,296 --> 00:24:26,298 Like, look at me from season seven of "Drag Race" 510 00:24:26,298 --> 00:24:29,068 to "All Star", it's like, Tom Riddle, Voldemort. 511 00:24:29,068 --> 00:24:32,404 (audience laughing) 512 00:24:32,404 --> 00:24:33,872 - [Audience Member] Yas. 513 00:24:33,872 --> 00:24:37,309 - (sputters) He said, "Voldemort, yas!" (laughs) 514 00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:40,312 (audience laughing) 515 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,615 Get this the hell out of here. 516 00:24:43,615 --> 00:24:46,085 Can you just, I can't walk here, can you just grab that? 517 00:24:46,085 --> 00:24:49,388 (Trixie panting) 518 00:24:49,388 --> 00:24:51,323 We all float, Georgie. 519 00:24:51,323 --> 00:24:54,927 (audience laughing) (audience cheering) 520 00:24:54,927 --> 00:24:56,328 I'm getting older, you guys, and out of drag, 521 00:24:56,328 --> 00:24:58,263 I have a very distinct look. 522 00:24:59,631 --> 00:25:02,601 Some would say I look like Patrick Stewart as a gay farmer. 523 00:25:02,601 --> 00:25:04,837 (audience laughing) 524 00:25:04,837 --> 00:25:07,239 Some say I look like an ASL interpreter 525 00:25:07,239 --> 00:25:09,408 who moonlights as a Klan member. 526 00:25:09,408 --> 00:25:12,411 (audience laughing) 527 00:25:13,278 --> 00:25:14,980 - [Audience Member] Yas! 528 00:25:14,980 --> 00:25:16,615 (audience laughing) 529 00:25:16,615 --> 00:25:19,818 - I think I look like Caillou with fetal alcohol syndrome. 530 00:25:19,818 --> 00:25:24,823 (audience applauding) (audience cheering) 531 00:25:28,827 --> 00:25:30,629 But I started losing my hair very young 532 00:25:30,629 --> 00:25:32,798 so I thought, "Okay, if I shave my head, 533 00:25:32,798 --> 00:25:35,200 "I will look the same forever," so I shaved my head. 534 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:36,869 I thought I would look like Vin Diesel. 535 00:25:36,869 --> 00:25:38,704 Instead, I'm just Bobby Hill. 536 00:25:38,704 --> 00:25:41,707 (audience laughing) 537 00:25:43,375 --> 00:25:44,977 And nobody tells you this, anybody have a shaved head? 538 00:25:44,977 --> 00:25:46,979 It's a lot of fucking work, isn't it? 539 00:25:48,013 --> 00:25:49,982 I just do chemo now, it's just, 540 00:25:49,982 --> 00:25:52,985 (audience laughing) 541 00:25:55,187 --> 00:25:56,722 it's just easier. 542 00:25:56,722 --> 00:26:00,492 (audience laughing) 543 00:26:00,492 --> 00:26:03,061 ♪ Already got your money 544 00:26:03,061 --> 00:26:05,297 (audience laughing) 545 00:26:05,297 --> 00:26:07,900 "Men's Health" magazine also says if you can't smell toast, 546 00:26:07,900 --> 00:26:09,735 it means you're gonna have a stroke within three months 547 00:26:09,735 --> 00:26:12,538 so every day I wake up, I burn the shit out of some bread, 548 00:26:12,538 --> 00:26:14,673 and just (sniffs deeply). 549 00:26:14,673 --> 00:26:15,674 (audience laughing) 550 00:26:15,674 --> 00:26:16,508 We're good. 551 00:26:17,743 --> 00:26:21,246 (audience laughing) 552 00:26:21,246 --> 00:26:23,382 I would like to stay alive because, I mean, 553 00:26:23,382 --> 00:26:24,716 dying affects you the least. 554 00:26:24,716 --> 00:26:26,919 Dying affects the people around you. 555 00:26:26,919 --> 00:26:29,755 When you die, you don't care, you're peace out, A town. 556 00:26:29,755 --> 00:26:31,190 (imitates trumpet tooting) 557 00:26:31,190 --> 00:26:35,427 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 558 00:26:35,427 --> 00:26:39,731 But when you die, it affects the other people around you. 559 00:26:39,731 --> 00:26:43,702 I remember my ex-boyfriend's mom passed away of lung cancer 560 00:26:43,702 --> 00:26:46,538 and I found out because the Netflix I'd been stealing 561 00:26:46,538 --> 00:26:49,174 for three years expired. 562 00:26:49,174 --> 00:26:52,778 (audience laughing) 563 00:26:52,778 --> 00:26:55,781 (sighs) Thank you. 564 00:26:55,781 --> 00:26:58,250 (audience laughing softly) 565 00:26:58,250 --> 00:27:00,285 I was like, really, "Tammy, you couldn't have held on 566 00:27:00,285 --> 00:27:02,788 "'til I found out if they made him a murderer or not?" 567 00:27:02,788 --> 00:27:04,957 (audience laughing) 568 00:27:04,957 --> 00:27:08,927 29 years old, ladies, my erection, huh. 569 00:27:08,927 --> 00:27:11,396 (audience laughing) 570 00:27:11,396 --> 00:27:13,565 I know I have so many fans that are teen girls 571 00:27:13,565 --> 00:27:15,133 and I always wonder how they relate to me. 572 00:27:15,133 --> 00:27:17,870 They're like, "My fucking erection too, Trixie. 573 00:27:17,870 --> 00:27:20,606 (audience laughing) 574 00:27:20,606 --> 00:27:25,611 "Aha, relatable goals AF, mom." 575 00:27:26,311 --> 00:27:28,814 (audience laughing) 576 00:27:30,048 --> 00:27:33,252 I mean, 29 years old, my erection, my boyfriend, 577 00:27:33,252 --> 00:27:37,155 his dick is hard before, during, and even way after sex. 578 00:27:37,155 --> 00:27:41,159 His dick is still porn star erect the entire event. 579 00:27:42,561 --> 00:27:44,263 His dick is like if you're having a house party 580 00:27:44,263 --> 00:27:47,966 and everybody went home but there's that one girl. 581 00:27:47,966 --> 00:27:49,835 (audience laughing) 582 00:27:49,835 --> 00:27:52,504 She's sitting at the end of your bed drinking a PBR 583 00:27:52,504 --> 00:27:54,573 going, "I think I'm gonna get bangs." 584 00:27:54,573 --> 00:27:56,975 (audience laughing) 585 00:27:56,975 --> 00:27:58,443 She's doing that drunk white girl thing 586 00:27:58,443 --> 00:28:01,179 where she pulls her ponytail up to the front, bangs. 587 00:28:01,179 --> 00:28:04,182 (audience laughing) 588 00:28:06,184 --> 00:28:09,021 29 years old, for me to get my erection I had 589 00:28:09,021 --> 00:28:13,091 when I was, like, 20, I need three friends and four candles, 590 00:28:13,091 --> 00:28:16,161 light as a feather, stiff as a board, 591 00:28:16,161 --> 00:28:17,829 light as a feather, stiff as a board. 592 00:28:17,829 --> 00:28:21,466 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 593 00:28:21,466 --> 00:28:22,301 I know. 594 00:28:23,502 --> 00:28:26,038 That was a pretty well crafted joke. 595 00:28:26,038 --> 00:28:31,043 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 596 00:28:33,779 --> 00:28:36,214 And sexually, you guys, I am changing gears. 597 00:28:36,214 --> 00:28:38,450 I'm like, "Is there a way we can do this 598 00:28:38,450 --> 00:28:40,852 "where we're both on our backs? 599 00:28:40,852 --> 00:28:44,690 (audience laughing) 600 00:28:44,690 --> 00:28:46,892 "Put our dicks on a couple Roombas 601 00:28:46,892 --> 00:28:49,494 "and hope they find each other somewhere in the room?" 602 00:28:49,494 --> 00:28:51,396 (audience laughing) 603 00:28:51,396 --> 00:28:54,399 And I know that sexually I'm only losing appeal. 604 00:28:54,399 --> 00:28:56,234 The other day my boyfriend woke up and was like, 605 00:28:56,234 --> 00:28:59,204 "Oh, baby, your hole felt so tight last night." 606 00:29:00,339 --> 00:29:02,207 I was like, "I gave you a blowjob." 607 00:29:02,207 --> 00:29:07,212 (audience cheering) (audience laughing) 608 00:29:20,092 --> 00:29:22,260 I mean, at 29, I'm only swallowing 609 00:29:22,260 --> 00:29:24,763 because if I get up to spit, my knees pop. 610 00:29:24,763 --> 00:29:29,768 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 611 00:29:33,071 --> 00:29:34,606 I'm like (gulps). 612 00:29:34,606 --> 00:29:35,774 (Trixie imitates knees cracking) 613 00:29:35,774 --> 00:29:38,877 (audience laughing) 614 00:29:38,877 --> 00:29:40,278 He's like, "Babe, are you okay?" 615 00:29:40,278 --> 00:29:41,713 I'm like, "I'm just shuffling a deck of cards, 616 00:29:41,713 --> 00:29:42,914 "go back to sleep." 617 00:29:42,914 --> 00:29:45,917 (audience laughing) 618 00:29:49,855 --> 00:29:54,292 (sighs) And the thing about drag is it only ages you faster. 619 00:29:54,292 --> 00:29:56,128 I was outside the theater today in full face 620 00:29:56,128 --> 00:29:58,797 and someone was like, "Are you just dressed up for fun?" 621 00:29:58,797 --> 00:30:01,800 (audience laughing) 622 00:30:03,635 --> 00:30:05,237 I was like, "That's not a thing." 623 00:30:05,237 --> 00:30:06,371 (audience laughing) 624 00:30:06,371 --> 00:30:07,806 I do a lot of family events 625 00:30:07,806 --> 00:30:09,941 and it's always rich white people and their kids, 626 00:30:09,941 --> 00:30:11,743 "Trixie, can we have a picture with our kids, 627 00:30:11,743 --> 00:30:14,079 "Eden, Aiden, and Eiden?" 628 00:30:14,079 --> 00:30:17,049 (audience laughing) 629 00:30:17,049 --> 00:30:18,116 No. 630 00:30:18,116 --> 00:30:20,218 (audience laughing) 631 00:30:20,218 --> 00:30:21,720 I was doing a family event, you guys, 632 00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:23,221 and they had aerial artists who hang from the ceiling, 633 00:30:23,221 --> 00:30:24,456 you know, on those ropes, that whole fucking show 634 00:30:24,456 --> 00:30:26,224 I wanted to wrap that rope around my neck. 635 00:30:26,224 --> 00:30:28,293 It's all for you, Davien! (imitates booming) 636 00:30:28,293 --> 00:30:33,298 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 637 00:30:34,833 --> 00:30:36,968 (Trixie sighs) 638 00:30:36,968 --> 00:30:38,503 Of course I take a picture with the kid. 639 00:30:38,503 --> 00:30:41,640 I'm like, (laughs) "Stay in school, kid. 640 00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:44,643 "I got my BFA and look at me now." 641 00:30:44,643 --> 00:30:47,979 (audience laughing) 642 00:30:47,979 --> 00:30:49,781 Some day, Simba, 643 00:30:49,781 --> 00:30:51,516 (audience laughing) 644 00:30:51,516 --> 00:30:53,585 everything the land touches will be yours. 645 00:30:57,189 --> 00:30:58,623 But I'm kind of a public figure, you know, 646 00:30:58,623 --> 00:31:00,025 I get roped into the kid thing. 647 00:31:00,025 --> 00:31:01,993 People are like, "Trixie, are you pro-life? 648 00:31:01,993 --> 00:31:03,795 "Are you pro-choice?" 649 00:31:03,795 --> 00:31:05,831 I'm like, "Listen, I'm gay." 650 00:31:05,831 --> 00:31:08,533 (audience laughing) 651 00:31:08,533 --> 00:31:10,035 We douche. 652 00:31:10,035 --> 00:31:12,003 (audience laughing) 653 00:31:12,003 --> 00:31:15,507 We don't even carry a bowel movement to full term. 654 00:31:15,507 --> 00:31:17,809 (Trixie laughing) (audience laughing) 655 00:31:17,809 --> 00:31:22,814 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 656 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:30,655 The straight girls are like, "Douching's fierce." 657 00:31:30,655 --> 00:31:33,492 (audience laughing) 658 00:31:33,492 --> 00:31:34,960 Anybody here with a kid tonight? 659 00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:36,194 (audience member laughing) 660 00:31:36,194 --> 00:31:37,496 You're like, "I'm not answering now." 661 00:31:37,496 --> 00:31:39,397 (audience laughing) 662 00:31:39,397 --> 00:31:40,632 'Cause they're so, I mean, parents, 663 00:31:40,632 --> 00:31:42,501 anybody parents, are you parents, parents. 664 00:31:42,501 --> 00:31:43,735 (audience cheering) 665 00:31:43,735 --> 00:31:45,403 Okay, I mean, this is really incredible 666 00:31:45,403 --> 00:31:47,873 'cause kids start out fucking stupid. 667 00:31:47,873 --> 00:31:50,909 (audience laughing) 668 00:31:50,909 --> 00:31:52,978 You have to teach them everything. 669 00:31:52,978 --> 00:31:55,881 My friend volunteers as Santa for homeless kids 670 00:31:55,881 --> 00:31:57,849 in New York, right, it's so sweet. 671 00:31:57,849 --> 00:31:59,417 Guess what the number one thing is 672 00:31:59,417 --> 00:32:02,420 homeless kids ask for for Christmas. 673 00:32:02,420 --> 00:32:04,589 I'll give you a hint, not a home. 674 00:32:04,589 --> 00:32:07,592 (audience laughing) 675 00:32:11,863 --> 00:32:13,398 An iPhone. 676 00:32:14,866 --> 00:32:16,701 It's like, where are you gonna charge it, Billy? 677 00:32:16,701 --> 00:32:19,704 (audience laughing) 678 00:32:27,345 --> 00:32:30,515 Think it through, do it right. 679 00:32:30,515 --> 00:32:33,518 (audience laughing) 680 00:32:35,954 --> 00:32:38,623 (Trixie sighs) 681 00:32:38,623 --> 00:32:39,591 (Trixie snickers) 682 00:32:39,591 --> 00:32:42,594 (audience laughing) 683 00:32:43,762 --> 00:32:44,963 What they don't tell you about having kids, 684 00:32:44,963 --> 00:32:46,898 I mean, if you're gay and you want kids, 685 00:32:46,898 --> 00:32:49,067 takes a lot of fucking work, doesn't it? 686 00:32:49,067 --> 00:32:50,035 (audience member snaps fingers) 687 00:32:50,035 --> 00:32:51,303 Thank you, two snaps, it does. 688 00:32:51,303 --> 00:32:53,638 (audience laughing) 689 00:32:53,638 --> 00:32:56,441 And I snap instead of clapping so you know how lazy I am. 690 00:32:56,441 --> 00:33:01,313 (audience laughing) (Trixie laughing) 691 00:33:02,714 --> 00:33:04,416 Having kids is a lot of work. 692 00:33:04,416 --> 00:33:05,483 You want a baby, you want a Maserati, 693 00:33:05,483 --> 00:33:06,751 you better work, bitch. 694 00:33:06,751 --> 00:33:09,988 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 695 00:33:09,988 --> 00:33:11,489 Like, let's say you wanna do a surrogate. 696 00:33:11,489 --> 00:33:15,827 You have to plan ahead, save money, kidnap a teenage girl. 697 00:33:15,827 --> 00:33:18,997 (audience laughing) 698 00:33:18,997 --> 00:33:20,632 Or let's say you wanna adopt. 699 00:33:20,632 --> 00:33:22,667 You have to live in a nice neighborhood, 700 00:33:22,667 --> 00:33:26,271 pass a background check, kidnap a teenage girl. 701 00:33:26,271 --> 00:33:29,274 (audience laughing) 702 00:33:30,642 --> 00:33:33,445 And babies can be super fucking expensive 703 00:33:33,445 --> 00:33:36,314 if you want, you know, a good one, so. 704 00:33:36,314 --> 00:33:38,483 (audience laughing) 705 00:33:38,483 --> 00:33:41,353 I was not gonna say white one, oh my god. 706 00:33:41,353 --> 00:33:42,854 (audience laughing) 707 00:33:42,854 --> 00:33:45,457 (laughs) You guys are awful. 708 00:33:46,591 --> 00:33:49,327 Besides, little brown babies, A, cuter, 709 00:33:49,327 --> 00:33:50,795 (audience cheering) 710 00:33:50,795 --> 00:33:53,865 B, you don't have to save for college, win win. 711 00:33:53,865 --> 00:33:57,702 (audience laughing) 712 00:33:57,702 --> 00:34:00,538 Because of unique scholarship opportunities, 713 00:34:00,538 --> 00:34:02,007 you know what, you guys, wow. 714 00:34:02,007 --> 00:34:04,809 (audience laughing) (audience cheering) 715 00:34:04,809 --> 00:34:07,712 Was anybody here spanked as a kid, okay, see? 716 00:34:07,712 --> 00:34:09,514 (audience cheering) 717 00:34:09,514 --> 00:34:11,316 Look, when people are spanked as a kid, 718 00:34:11,316 --> 00:34:13,051 they're so weirdly proud of it. 719 00:34:13,051 --> 00:34:15,553 (audience laughing) 720 00:34:15,553 --> 00:34:16,788 I was like, "Who has been spanked?" 721 00:34:16,788 --> 00:34:18,556 You're like, "Yes I was, once a week, 722 00:34:18,556 --> 00:34:20,558 "whether I needed it or not." 723 00:34:20,558 --> 00:34:25,563 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 724 00:34:25,563 --> 00:34:28,233 If I missed curfew, your grandfather would snap me 725 00:34:28,233 --> 00:34:29,668 in the eye with a rubber band. 726 00:34:29,668 --> 00:34:30,902 (audience laughing) 727 00:34:30,902 --> 00:34:32,070 One year for Christmas, 728 00:34:32,070 --> 00:34:34,139 my mom got me an envelope of anthrax. 729 00:34:34,139 --> 00:34:35,540 Merry fucking Christmas. 730 00:34:35,540 --> 00:34:38,543 (audience laughing) 731 00:34:39,711 --> 00:34:41,179 Of the people who've been spanked, 732 00:34:41,179 --> 00:34:42,747 would you spank your kids? 733 00:34:42,747 --> 00:34:44,215 - [Audience] No. 734 00:34:44,215 --> 00:34:46,084 - 'Cause sometimes they're really asking for it. 735 00:34:46,084 --> 00:34:48,586 The kids are like, "Oh, spank me," you know? 736 00:34:48,586 --> 00:34:51,589 (audience laughing) 737 00:34:58,063 --> 00:34:59,764 Listen, I was a hot kid. 738 00:34:59,764 --> 00:35:02,701 (audience laughing) 739 00:35:05,670 --> 00:35:07,572 Total chilf. 740 00:35:07,572 --> 00:35:12,577 (audience laughing) (audience groaning) 741 00:35:17,382 --> 00:35:20,018 Can we talk about how Venus Q is chilf? 742 00:35:20,018 --> 00:35:22,687 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 743 00:35:22,687 --> 00:35:25,390 She's backstage like, "Chilf, okay, got it." 744 00:35:27,459 --> 00:35:29,060 Anyway, that was pretty bad. 745 00:35:29,060 --> 00:35:30,895 (audience laughing softly) 746 00:35:30,895 --> 00:35:33,298 (gentle guitar music) 747 00:35:33,298 --> 00:35:35,800 But anyway, you guy, that was it, that's a song, bye. 748 00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:37,402 (audience laughing) (audience cheering) 749 00:35:37,402 --> 00:35:38,603 But if you guys know me, 750 00:35:38,603 --> 00:35:39,771 you know I'm from the deep, deep country 751 00:35:39,771 --> 00:35:41,573 and I grew up with siblings, 752 00:35:41,573 --> 00:35:43,575 I'm not a parent but I have siblings that are so much, 753 00:35:43,575 --> 00:35:45,577 anybody have very young siblings? 754 00:35:45,577 --> 00:35:47,212 Okay, when you're an older sibling 755 00:35:47,212 --> 00:35:49,280 you get to be parental without like, (groans) 756 00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:51,049 the whole thing, right? 757 00:35:51,049 --> 00:35:53,084 And my sister, you know, we're from a very small town. 758 00:35:53,084 --> 00:35:54,986 I remember telling her, "Listen, you're a young woman. 759 00:35:54,986 --> 00:35:56,554 "If you want something in this world, 760 00:35:56,554 --> 00:35:59,224 "you gotta get out of this small town and go get it." 761 00:36:00,892 --> 00:36:02,560 Hopefully she doesn't wanna wear wigs on TV 762 00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:04,496 'cause that's kinda my thing. 763 00:36:04,496 --> 00:36:05,764 (audience laughing) (audience cheering) 764 00:36:05,764 --> 00:36:07,832 But I wrote this song specifically for her 765 00:36:07,832 --> 00:36:09,267 and it's called "Little Sister". 766 00:36:09,267 --> 00:36:11,136 (audience cheering) 767 00:36:11,136 --> 00:36:14,305 (bright guitar music) 768 00:36:22,847 --> 00:36:25,316 ♪ Little boy's supposed to do what he's told ♪ 769 00:36:25,316 --> 00:36:27,685 ♪ Little girl's supposed to polish her toes ♪ 770 00:36:27,685 --> 00:36:29,087 ♪ Maybe they're together when they're older ♪ 771 00:36:29,087 --> 00:36:32,590 ♪ And all grown out 772 00:36:32,590 --> 00:36:35,193 ♪ Daddy's supposed to put bread on the table ♪ 773 00:36:35,193 --> 00:36:37,695 ♪ Daddy's gone and your mama ain't able ♪ 774 00:36:37,695 --> 00:36:42,300 ♪ Are you hungry when the money's all run out ♪ 775 00:36:42,300 --> 00:36:44,369 ♪ Tell me little dear, if you only lived here ♪ 776 00:36:44,369 --> 00:36:46,938 ♪ Did you really ever live at all ♪ 777 00:36:46,938 --> 00:36:48,706 ♪ 'Cause you'd be amazed in the summer ♪ 778 00:36:48,706 --> 00:36:51,843 ♪ How the days of the spring turn into fall ♪ 779 00:36:51,843 --> 00:36:53,378 ♪ Just listen to your brother 780 00:36:53,378 --> 00:36:57,782 ♪ You can run in the cover of the night sky when it falls ♪ 781 00:36:58,950 --> 00:36:59,784 ♪ I know that you think that you're growing ♪ 782 00:36:59,784 --> 00:37:02,120 ♪ But you're just tall 783 00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:04,222 (audience cheering) 784 00:37:04,222 --> 00:37:06,891 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh 785 00:37:09,694 --> 00:37:10,895 Oh, I gotta tell you this. 786 00:37:10,895 --> 00:37:11,729 (audience laughing) 787 00:37:11,729 --> 00:37:12,697 Sorry. 788 00:37:12,697 --> 00:37:13,898 Moms, I gotta tell you this. 789 00:37:13,898 --> 00:37:15,333 I wrote that song for my sister, right, 790 00:37:15,333 --> 00:37:16,835 and I played it for her, and I was like, 791 00:37:16,835 --> 00:37:18,736 "I wrote this song for you, right, I want you to hear it." 792 00:37:18,736 --> 00:37:20,205 I played it for her 793 00:37:20,205 --> 00:37:22,707 and that fucking bitch could not have reacted less. 794 00:37:22,707 --> 00:37:25,376 (audience laughing) 795 00:37:25,376 --> 00:37:28,646 She's 18 years old on her phone like, "Whatever, fag." 796 00:37:28,646 --> 00:37:31,182 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 797 00:37:31,182 --> 00:37:32,350 No response. 798 00:37:34,652 --> 00:37:36,321 So then the song comes out last year. 799 00:37:36,321 --> 00:37:38,490 The album comes out, the album went to number one, 800 00:37:38,490 --> 00:37:40,592 and sudden, thank you. 801 00:37:40,592 --> 00:37:42,760 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 802 00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:44,596 And suddenly one of my friends is like, 803 00:37:44,596 --> 00:37:45,530 "Oh my god, are you the sister 804 00:37:45,530 --> 00:37:48,399 that 'Little Sister' is about?" 805 00:37:48,399 --> 00:37:50,568 And she goes, (sighs) 806 00:37:50,568 --> 00:37:52,770 (audience laughing) 807 00:37:52,770 --> 00:37:54,205 "I am. 808 00:37:54,205 --> 00:37:55,840 (audience laughing) 809 00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:58,843 "And when I first heard that song, I sobbed." 810 00:38:00,612 --> 00:38:01,913 (audience laughing softly) 811 00:38:01,913 --> 00:38:04,582 So parents, kids are also fucking liars. 812 00:38:04,582 --> 00:38:05,550 (audience laughing) (audience cheering) 813 00:38:05,550 --> 00:38:08,720 (bright guitar music) 814 00:38:14,092 --> 00:38:16,127 ♪ Tell me little dear, if you only lived here ♪ 815 00:38:16,127 --> 00:38:18,696 ♪ Did you really ever live at all ♪ 816 00:38:18,696 --> 00:38:20,398 ♪ 'Cause you'd be amazed in the summer ♪ 817 00:38:20,398 --> 00:38:23,601 ♪ How the days of the spring turn into fall ♪ 818 00:38:23,601 --> 00:38:25,136 ♪ Just listen to your brother 819 00:38:25,136 --> 00:38:29,474 ♪ You can run in the cover of the night sky when it falls ♪ 820 00:38:29,474 --> 00:38:31,309 ♪ I know that you think that you're growing ♪ 821 00:38:31,309 --> 00:38:35,780 ♪ But you're just tall 822 00:38:35,780 --> 00:38:52,096 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh 823 00:38:53,264 --> 00:38:58,169 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 824 00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:05,243 (upbeat music) 825 00:39:10,982 --> 00:39:12,183 (crowd chattering) 826 00:39:12,183 --> 00:39:15,019 No homophobic fighting, thank god, thank god. 827 00:39:17,522 --> 00:39:20,425 ♪ I don't care if you don't like my hair ♪ 828 00:39:20,425 --> 00:39:23,361 ♪ Because I know it's amazing 829 00:39:23,361 --> 00:39:25,129 - [Trixie] Do I have enough makeup on my chest? 830 00:39:25,129 --> 00:39:28,166 (crowd chattering) 831 00:39:28,166 --> 00:39:29,367 Is there time to pull out? 832 00:39:29,367 --> 00:39:32,003 ♪ Amazing 833 00:39:32,003 --> 00:39:35,139 ♪ And I don't give two hoots if you don't like my boots ♪ 834 00:39:35,139 --> 00:39:39,177 ♪ Because I know they're amazing ♪ 835 00:39:39,177 --> 00:39:42,614 ♪ And I don't give a shit if you don't like my tits ♪ 836 00:39:42,614 --> 00:39:46,718 ♪ Because I know they're amazing ♪ 837 00:39:46,718 --> 00:39:49,687 ♪ Ah, amazing, ah, ah 838 00:39:49,687 --> 00:39:54,692 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 839 00:40:03,568 --> 00:40:06,070 - Get back in your seat, we can all see you. 840 00:40:07,238 --> 00:40:09,741 You guys, second half. (cheers) 841 00:40:09,741 --> 00:40:12,477 (audience cheering) 842 00:40:12,477 --> 00:40:14,312 That was really fun, this is a cool weekend to do this 843 00:40:14,312 --> 00:40:16,748 'cause everybody, how many of you are not from L.A.? 844 00:40:16,748 --> 00:40:19,417 (audience cheering) 845 00:40:19,417 --> 00:40:21,552 That's what I'm saying, you're all like, "Fuck this place!" 846 00:40:21,552 --> 00:40:22,887 (audience laughing) 847 00:40:22,887 --> 00:40:25,423 'Cause listen, I'm a country gay too, okay? 848 00:40:25,423 --> 00:40:27,659 I'm from Wisconsin, anybody ever been to Wisconsin? 849 00:40:27,659 --> 00:40:28,493 (audience cheering) 850 00:40:28,493 --> 00:40:30,361 You have? 851 00:40:30,361 --> 00:40:32,897 If you guys, if you've never been to Wisconsin, 852 00:40:32,897 --> 00:40:34,932 take a weekend, go for a drive. 853 00:40:34,932 --> 00:40:38,503 We have the most beautiful serial killers you've ever seen. 854 00:40:38,503 --> 00:40:40,204 (audience laughing) 855 00:40:40,204 --> 00:40:41,906 Do you know what Jeffrey Dahmer looks like? 856 00:40:41,906 --> 00:40:43,174 (audience cheering) 857 00:40:43,174 --> 00:40:45,677 Oh, wavy blonde hair, if you guys don't know, 858 00:40:45,677 --> 00:40:48,279 Jeffrey Dahmer was a serial killer. 859 00:40:48,279 --> 00:40:50,548 Used to take guys home from the club, 860 00:40:50,548 --> 00:40:51,949 give them date rape drugs, 861 00:40:51,949 --> 00:40:54,285 and then have sex with their bodies. 862 00:40:55,286 --> 00:40:56,688 Different strokes, right? 863 00:40:56,688 --> 00:40:58,723 (audience laughing softly) 864 00:40:58,723 --> 00:41:00,024 (sighs) But you guys, he was so gorgeous. 865 00:41:00,024 --> 00:41:02,060 He could've given me a baby aspirin, 866 00:41:02,060 --> 00:41:05,096 I would've been like, "I feel funny." (moans) 867 00:41:05,096 --> 00:41:11,469 (audience laughing softly) 868 00:41:11,469 --> 00:41:14,105 (sighs) But if you guys know your Jeffrey Dahmer history, 869 00:41:14,105 --> 00:41:16,607 you know that he was only interested in young men of color, 870 00:41:16,607 --> 00:41:20,812 so, Trixie Mattel, always the bridesmaid, never the bride. 871 00:41:20,812 --> 00:41:23,815 (audience laughing) 872 00:41:25,983 --> 00:41:28,820 You guys, when I lived in the country, I was a gay kid. 873 00:41:28,820 --> 00:41:31,589 I was gay from gay one. 874 00:41:31,589 --> 00:41:33,091 (audience laughing) 875 00:41:33,091 --> 00:41:35,760 I remember the day I was born, the doctor was like, "Push." 876 00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:36,594 I was like, 877 00:41:36,594 --> 00:41:37,428 ♪ Push it real good 878 00:41:37,428 --> 00:41:39,063 (Trixie vocalizing) 879 00:41:39,063 --> 00:41:42,734 (audience laughing) 880 00:41:42,734 --> 00:41:45,837 (Trixie sighs) 881 00:41:45,837 --> 00:41:48,473 You guys, I had one of those, how many of you young guys, 882 00:41:48,473 --> 00:41:49,674 did you have one of those gay voices 883 00:41:49,674 --> 00:41:50,842 where people would call and they would think 884 00:41:50,842 --> 00:41:52,777 that you're your mama? 885 00:41:52,777 --> 00:41:54,612 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 886 00:41:54,612 --> 00:41:56,814 He's like, "It happened the other day, yeah." 887 00:41:56,814 --> 00:41:58,816 (audience laughing) - Yas. 888 00:41:58,816 --> 00:42:00,318 - I had it even worse than that. 889 00:42:00,318 --> 00:42:01,686 People would call and be like, 890 00:42:01,686 --> 00:42:04,188 "Excuse me, young parakeet, is your owner home?" 891 00:42:04,188 --> 00:42:07,425 (audience laughing) 892 00:42:07,425 --> 00:42:08,493 I'd be like, (sighs). 893 00:42:09,694 --> 00:42:11,996 (Trixie chirping) 894 00:42:11,996 --> 00:42:14,699 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 895 00:42:14,699 --> 00:42:16,200 But I'll never forget, you guys, 896 00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:18,336 coming out when you live in the country is very scary, 897 00:42:18,336 --> 00:42:20,471 right, because your parents can hate you. 898 00:42:20,471 --> 00:42:23,040 So I remember, I was sitting across from my mom 899 00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:25,209 and I was like, (mumbles) 900 00:42:25,209 --> 00:42:26,711 'cause that's how you say it. (audience laughing) 901 00:42:26,711 --> 00:42:31,649 She could not have taken the wind out of my sails faster. 902 00:42:31,649 --> 00:42:34,719 I was like, "Ma," she was like, (scoffs) "Girl." 903 00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:38,055 (audience laughing) 904 00:42:38,055 --> 00:42:39,190 I was like (whimpers). 905 00:42:40,892 --> 00:42:42,994 I was wearing exactly this. (whimpers) 906 00:42:42,994 --> 00:42:44,562 (audience laughing) 907 00:42:44,562 --> 00:42:46,063 I mean, I was young in the country and gay. 908 00:42:46,063 --> 00:42:49,967 I was always wondering why people are gay, and experts, 909 00:42:49,967 --> 00:42:52,670 hard candy, no, go ahead, bitch. 910 00:42:52,670 --> 00:42:54,839 Go, you better eat that hard candy right now. 911 00:42:54,839 --> 00:42:57,241 (Trixie cackles) (audience laughing) 912 00:42:57,241 --> 00:42:58,409 What is it? 913 00:42:58,409 --> 00:43:01,479 Peanut M&Ms? (cackles) 914 00:43:01,479 --> 00:43:02,747 You better give me one. 915 00:43:02,747 --> 00:43:07,385 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 916 00:43:07,385 --> 00:43:09,053 Oh, gen, literally one, okay, no. 917 00:43:09,053 --> 00:43:12,056 (audience laughing) 918 00:43:17,695 --> 00:43:19,163 I'm gonna save it and if I do a good job in the show, 919 00:43:19,163 --> 00:43:20,431 I'll have it later. (laughs) 920 00:43:20,431 --> 00:43:24,101 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 921 00:43:24,101 --> 00:43:26,537 Literally silence, he said, (imitates plastic crackling). 922 00:43:27,705 --> 00:43:29,273 (Trixie laughing) (audience laughing) 923 00:43:29,273 --> 00:43:31,375 It's 'cause people are used to seeing drag queens on TV, 924 00:43:31,375 --> 00:43:32,343 they're like, "They can't hear us." 925 00:43:32,343 --> 00:43:33,678 Bitch, I hear you. 926 00:43:33,678 --> 00:43:35,713 (audience laughing) 927 00:43:35,713 --> 00:43:38,549 And even when I'm on TV, I hear you. 928 00:43:38,549 --> 00:43:41,385 (audience laughing) 929 00:43:41,385 --> 00:43:43,254 As I was saying-guh, 930 00:43:43,254 --> 00:43:46,123 (audience laughing) 931 00:43:46,123 --> 00:43:48,526 experts hypothesize that you were gay 932 00:43:48,526 --> 00:43:50,528 because you were over-sexualized as a child 933 00:43:50,528 --> 00:43:54,632 but I'm not gay 'cause my dad touched me. (scoffs) 934 00:43:54,632 --> 00:43:57,435 I'm gay because I loved it, right? 935 00:43:57,435 --> 00:43:59,370 (audience laughing) 936 00:43:59,370 --> 00:44:02,740 I'm kidding, I did not have a dad. (cackles) 937 00:44:02,740 --> 00:44:04,408 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 938 00:44:04,408 --> 00:44:06,577 No, no. (laughs) 939 00:44:08,446 --> 00:44:09,814 I know it's hard to imagine 940 00:44:09,814 --> 00:44:12,049 I didn't have a male presence in my life. 941 00:44:12,049 --> 00:44:13,417 (audience laughing) 942 00:44:13,417 --> 00:44:15,887 Experts also hypothesize that you were gay 943 00:44:15,887 --> 00:44:18,289 because it's genetic but I don't believe that either 944 00:44:18,289 --> 00:44:21,659 'cause I could never get my brother to nut so I don't know. 945 00:44:21,659 --> 00:44:24,662 (audience laughing) 946 00:44:28,833 --> 00:44:30,568 I mean, now, people are so lucky now. 947 00:44:30,568 --> 00:44:32,403 Young gay guys have Coming Out Day, 948 00:44:32,403 --> 00:44:35,439 a whole day devoted to coming, back in my day, 949 00:44:35,439 --> 00:44:37,942 Coming Out Day was the day your mom discovered the history 950 00:44:37,942 --> 00:44:39,277 on your internet browser. 951 00:44:39,277 --> 00:44:42,280 (audience laughing) 952 00:44:43,447 --> 00:44:45,449 But listen, if I wasn't gonna do drag anymore, 953 00:44:45,449 --> 00:44:46,951 I think I would love to be, 954 00:44:46,951 --> 00:44:48,352 I think I could be like the next "Queer Eye" guy. 955 00:44:48,352 --> 00:44:49,620 Do you guys (beep) with "Queer Eye"? 956 00:44:49,620 --> 00:44:50,454 (audience cheering) 957 00:44:50,454 --> 00:44:51,956 (Trixie screams) 958 00:44:51,956 --> 00:44:54,458 It is so good that I think I could be there to ground them 959 00:44:54,458 --> 00:44:57,361 because they get a little far-fetched sometimes, you know? 960 00:44:57,361 --> 00:44:58,863 (audience laughing) 961 00:44:58,863 --> 00:45:01,165 They go to someone's house and they're like, "Listen. 962 00:45:01,165 --> 00:45:02,867 "I know your family's falling apart 963 00:45:02,867 --> 00:45:07,872 "because your parents died, so we had their bodies exhumed. 964 00:45:08,639 --> 00:45:09,874 (audience laughing) 965 00:45:09,874 --> 00:45:13,044 "Move that bus, move that bus! 966 00:45:13,044 --> 00:45:16,013 (audience laughing softly) 967 00:45:16,013 --> 00:45:18,649 "Listen, Dave, father of two, 968 00:45:20,051 --> 00:45:22,053 "I know you said you wear a lot of hooded sweatshirts 969 00:45:22,053 --> 00:45:23,554 "because you're kinda hiding, 970 00:45:23,554 --> 00:45:25,222 "not really making a fashion statement, 971 00:45:25,222 --> 00:45:28,059 "so we thought we'd update your wardrobe a little bit. 972 00:45:28,059 --> 00:45:31,696 "This is a Bob Mackie backlist beaded, 973 00:45:31,696 --> 00:45:33,230 "why don't you slip that on?" 974 00:45:33,230 --> 00:45:35,466 (audience laughing) 975 00:45:35,466 --> 00:45:36,968 I just think they're insensitive sometimes. 976 00:45:36,968 --> 00:45:39,370 It's like, "Listen, I know your family's falling apart 977 00:45:39,370 --> 00:45:42,073 "because your parents burned to death in a house fire 978 00:45:42,073 --> 00:45:45,209 "and at night you can hear them screaming from the burning, 979 00:45:45,209 --> 00:45:47,211 (Trixie sniffles) (audience laughing softly) 980 00:45:47,211 --> 00:45:48,746 "so we're gonna burn your mouth 981 00:45:48,746 --> 00:45:50,414 "with some jalapeno margaritas. 982 00:45:51,582 --> 00:45:54,585 (audience laughing) (audience cheering) 983 00:45:54,585 --> 00:45:55,920 "Can you believe? 984 00:45:56,754 --> 00:45:58,656 (audience laughing) 985 00:45:58,656 --> 00:46:00,925 "Who gave us permission?" 986 00:46:00,925 --> 00:46:03,361 (audience laughing) 987 00:46:03,361 --> 00:46:04,929 I'll probably stay on TV, I mean, when I first moved here, 988 00:46:04,929 --> 00:46:07,398 I had to get so much work done on my teeth. 989 00:46:08,766 --> 00:46:10,067 (audience laughing) 990 00:46:10,067 --> 00:46:11,936 It's not the joke, thank you. 991 00:46:11,936 --> 00:46:13,437 (audience laughing) 992 00:46:13,437 --> 00:46:15,039 And I moved here, and I mean, 993 00:46:15,039 --> 00:46:18,442 I have to sit on TV next to Katya who's teeth are perfect. 994 00:46:18,442 --> 00:46:20,911 Like, she hits a meth pipe three years, perfect teeth. 995 00:46:20,911 --> 00:46:24,448 (audience laughing) 996 00:46:24,448 --> 00:46:26,350 I carry a Jolly Rancher in my pocket. 997 00:46:26,350 --> 00:46:28,119 I'm like, "Was that one of mine, oh my god." 998 00:46:28,119 --> 00:46:31,422 (audience laughing) 999 00:46:31,422 --> 00:46:33,090 And I started paying attention to my teeth 1000 00:46:33,090 --> 00:46:35,359 because I saw this commercial called "The Tissue Test." 1001 00:46:35,359 --> 00:46:37,395 Have you guys seen this commercial? 1002 00:46:37,395 --> 00:46:40,464 It's two white ladies at lunch not eating lunch. 1003 00:46:40,464 --> 00:46:43,534 (audience laughing) 1004 00:46:43,534 --> 00:46:44,735 And one of them goes, 1005 00:46:44,735 --> 00:46:46,237 "I'm insecure about the color of my teeth." 1006 00:46:46,237 --> 00:46:48,139 And the other one goes, "Just try the tissue test. 1007 00:46:48,139 --> 00:46:49,874 "You take a white tissue and hold," 1008 00:46:51,409 --> 00:46:53,244 don't ever do the tissue test. 1009 00:46:53,244 --> 00:46:55,980 (audience laughing) 1010 00:46:55,980 --> 00:46:58,249 I had to do the Burger King napkin test. 1011 00:46:58,249 --> 00:47:03,154 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 1012 00:47:07,992 --> 00:47:10,294 So I go to my dentist, 1013 00:47:10,294 --> 00:47:12,496 and my dentist here, her name is Doctor Sun. 1014 00:47:12,496 --> 00:47:13,964 She's an elderly Asian woman. 1015 00:47:13,964 --> 00:47:15,332 She's also Bill Murray's dentist, 1016 00:47:15,332 --> 00:47:17,401 so I'm kinda like the Bill Murray of drag. 1017 00:47:17,401 --> 00:47:20,838 (audience laughing) 1018 00:47:20,838 --> 00:47:23,441 Doctor Sun takes one look in my mouth 1019 00:47:23,441 --> 00:47:26,343 and screams over her shoulder, (gasps) 1020 00:47:26,343 --> 00:47:28,512 "Cancel all my appointments for the afternoon." 1021 00:47:28,512 --> 00:47:31,449 (audience laughing) 1022 00:47:31,449 --> 00:47:33,684 The dental hygienist looked in my mouth and goes, 1023 00:47:33,684 --> 00:47:36,520 "So, were you, like, a pirate for a couple of years or?" 1024 00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:39,523 (audience laughing) 1025 00:47:40,858 --> 00:47:42,026 I was like, "Bitch, I'm from Wisconsin. 1026 00:47:42,026 --> 00:47:43,928 "Be happy the gang's all here." 1027 00:47:43,928 --> 00:47:48,933 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 1028 00:47:50,367 --> 00:47:51,435 People from Wisconsin, that's your gums slapping together, 1029 00:47:51,435 --> 00:47:54,505 yes! (audience laughing) 1030 00:47:56,273 --> 00:47:59,510 I'm like, "Just be happy they're holding hands." 1031 00:47:59,510 --> 00:48:01,011 (audience laughing) 1032 00:48:01,011 --> 00:48:02,713 And no matter how well you take care of your teeth, 1033 00:48:02,713 --> 00:48:04,782 you go to your dentist and they just body-shame you down. 1034 00:48:04,782 --> 00:48:06,984 "And what's your home care like?" 1035 00:48:06,984 --> 00:48:09,053 Not a hook and a drill, Janet. 1036 00:48:09,053 --> 00:48:12,056 (audience laughing) 1037 00:48:19,730 --> 00:48:21,632 But I became very aware of what I looked like 1038 00:48:21,632 --> 00:48:23,200 when I came to Los Angeles, you guys, 1039 00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:25,202 because everybody here, people are, 1040 00:48:25,202 --> 00:48:27,071 I mean, where I'm from in Wisconsin, if someone's hot, 1041 00:48:27,071 --> 00:48:30,007 we're like, "God, he's hot, he's like a model." 1042 00:48:30,007 --> 00:48:32,543 (audience laughing) 1043 00:48:32,543 --> 00:48:35,679 In L.A. people are not like models. 1044 00:48:35,679 --> 00:48:37,815 They are models who get checks in the mail 1045 00:48:37,815 --> 00:48:41,352 from modeling agencies because they are models who model. 1046 00:48:41,352 --> 00:48:43,554 (audience laughing) 1047 00:48:43,554 --> 00:48:46,390 And I'm a good-looking guy but me in that dating pool, 1048 00:48:46,390 --> 00:48:47,892 I might as well be like a bridge troll. 1049 00:48:47,892 --> 00:48:49,426 I'm like, "Would you fuck me? 1050 00:48:49,426 --> 00:48:54,431 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 1051 00:48:55,166 --> 00:48:56,400 "Would you fuck me?" 1052 00:48:56,400 --> 00:48:59,403 (audience laughing) 1053 00:49:01,939 --> 00:49:03,941 That was my Ed Sheeran, pretty good, right? 1054 00:49:03,941 --> 00:49:08,946 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 1055 00:49:12,750 --> 00:49:15,853 And here, you guys, people are almost competitively fit. 1056 00:49:15,853 --> 00:49:17,955 People are like, "I can't, I'm on a cleanse." 1057 00:49:17,955 --> 00:49:18,923 Oh, you're on a cleanse? 1058 00:49:18,923 --> 00:49:20,124 Well, I'm on a cleanse cleanse. 1059 00:49:20,124 --> 00:49:21,959 I can have everything except cleanses. 1060 00:49:21,959 --> 00:49:25,095 (audience laughing) 1061 00:49:25,095 --> 00:49:27,298 Oh, really, for dinner I had a nap. 1062 00:49:27,298 --> 00:49:30,234 (audience laughing) 1063 00:49:30,234 --> 00:49:32,636 (Trixie sighs) 1064 00:49:32,636 --> 00:49:33,804 And I don't know if you guys 1065 00:49:33,804 --> 00:49:35,472 have ever gained weight quickly before, 1066 00:49:35,472 --> 00:49:39,310 but you are the last person to find out about it. 1067 00:49:39,310 --> 00:49:42,479 (audience laughing) 1068 00:49:42,479 --> 00:49:44,381 The last one. 1069 00:49:44,381 --> 00:49:45,649 - [Audience Member] Relatable. 1070 00:49:45,649 --> 00:49:46,584 - What? 1071 00:49:46,584 --> 00:49:47,384 - [Audience Member] Relatable! 1072 00:49:47,384 --> 00:49:48,319 - Okay. (sputters) 1073 00:49:48,319 --> 00:49:49,587 (audience laughing) 1074 00:49:49,587 --> 00:49:51,222 She's like, "Finally, one I get, thank you. 1075 00:49:51,222 --> 00:49:53,457 (audience laughing) 1076 00:49:53,457 --> 00:49:55,926 "Show's called "Skinny Legend, I've been bored." 1077 00:49:55,926 --> 00:49:58,929 (audience laughing) 1078 00:50:01,065 --> 00:50:02,900 But you guys, when you gain weight quickly, 1079 00:50:02,900 --> 00:50:04,602 you're the last one to realize. 1080 00:50:04,602 --> 00:50:07,571 I mean, you lie to yourself, you lie to your friends. 1081 00:50:07,571 --> 00:50:10,007 My friend are like, "Trixie, are those stretch marks?" 1082 00:50:10,007 --> 00:50:12,943 I was like, (laughs) "No, I'm a cutter." (laughs) 1083 00:50:12,943 --> 00:50:14,144 (audience laughing) 1084 00:50:14,144 --> 00:50:14,979 No, like. 1085 00:50:14,979 --> 00:50:17,514 (audience applauding) 1086 00:50:17,514 --> 00:50:18,349 No, hmm. 1087 00:50:22,119 --> 00:50:23,354 'Cause you don't realize. 1088 00:50:23,354 --> 00:50:24,688 I remember I was at my boyfriend's house 1089 00:50:24,688 --> 00:50:26,090 and I found a little pair of underwear. 1090 00:50:26,090 --> 00:50:28,659 I was like, "Whose are these, whore?" 1091 00:50:28,659 --> 00:50:30,861 He was like, "Those used to be yours." 1092 00:50:30,861 --> 00:50:34,431 (audience laughing) 1093 00:50:34,431 --> 00:50:36,800 I'm like, "Oh." 1094 00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:38,102 (audience laughing) 1095 00:50:38,102 --> 00:50:39,670 "Well, let me just put 'em on, then. 1096 00:50:39,670 --> 00:50:42,039 (audience laughing) 1097 00:50:42,039 --> 00:50:44,208 (Trixie imitates seams popping) 1098 00:50:44,208 --> 00:50:45,843 "I'll just wear 'em home like this." 1099 00:50:45,843 --> 00:50:47,544 (audience laughing) 1100 00:50:47,544 --> 00:50:50,014 There's a whole rating system here. 1101 00:50:50,014 --> 00:50:51,382 My roommate's from New York and he's like, 1102 00:50:51,382 --> 00:50:53,217 "Honey, a 10 in New York is only a five here." 1103 00:50:53,217 --> 00:50:56,020 I was like, "What if I'm a four from the woods? 1104 00:50:56,020 --> 00:50:58,022 (audience laughing) 1105 00:50:58,022 --> 00:51:00,658 "What, do we get a scarlet letter or?" 1106 00:51:03,294 --> 00:51:05,663 And it all came to culmination when I was in Germany. 1107 00:51:05,663 --> 00:51:07,331 Have you guys been to Germany? 1108 00:51:07,331 --> 00:51:09,466 (audience cheering) Okay, the clubs in Germany, 1109 00:51:09,466 --> 00:51:12,202 people have no fucking chill, okay? 1110 00:51:12,202 --> 00:51:14,672 I'm at the club and it was a party and I remember, 1111 00:51:14,672 --> 00:51:16,173 I was like, you know when you're abroad 1112 00:51:16,173 --> 00:51:18,075 and you just get a sense of YOLO? 1113 00:51:18,075 --> 00:51:20,377 You're like, "Abduct me," like, anything? 1114 00:51:20,377 --> 00:51:23,380 (audience laughing) 1115 00:51:26,417 --> 00:51:28,218 But I remember I was at a bar, a gay bar, 1116 00:51:28,218 --> 00:51:30,087 that had a dark room and I was drunk 1117 00:51:30,087 --> 00:51:31,488 and I was like, "I'm gonna do it, 1118 00:51:31,488 --> 00:51:33,757 "I'm gonna touch a dick, I'm gonna do it." 1119 00:51:33,757 --> 00:51:36,026 (audience laughing) 1120 00:51:36,026 --> 00:51:39,229 So I got up the courage to touch this guy's dick. 1121 00:51:39,229 --> 00:51:44,234 I reached out and got my hand slapped away in the dark. 1122 00:51:45,436 --> 00:51:49,840 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 1123 00:51:56,113 --> 00:51:59,550 Just something in my grip, his dick read my palm. 1124 00:51:59,550 --> 00:52:01,018 (audience laughing) 1125 00:52:01,018 --> 00:52:03,587 I was just like, he was like, (gasps) "Ugly." 1126 00:52:03,587 --> 00:52:06,790 (audience laughing) 1127 00:52:06,790 --> 00:52:08,359 Went to a proctologist department 1128 00:52:08,359 --> 00:52:09,793 because "Men's Health" magazine told me 1129 00:52:09,793 --> 00:52:11,295 that at 28 years old, 1130 00:52:11,295 --> 00:52:13,564 I should start getting an annual anal pap smear. 1131 00:52:16,200 --> 00:52:17,968 Do you like how I barely take care of myself 1132 00:52:17,968 --> 00:52:19,236 'til a men's magazine tells me 1133 00:52:19,236 --> 00:52:21,472 to get figure-banged by a doctor? 1134 00:52:21,472 --> 00:52:23,040 (audience laughing) 1135 00:52:23,040 --> 00:52:24,375 And suddenly I'm like, (moans) 1136 00:52:24,375 --> 00:52:26,744 "Your health is all you have." (moans) 1137 00:52:26,744 --> 00:52:30,147 (audience laughing) 1138 00:52:30,147 --> 00:52:33,150 So my boyfriend and I waited for three months 1139 00:52:33,150 --> 00:52:34,818 to have sex for the first time, right? 1140 00:52:34,818 --> 00:52:36,253 We had sex on a Friday. 1141 00:52:36,253 --> 00:52:38,322 My doctor's appointment is on a Monday. 1142 00:52:38,322 --> 00:52:39,890 Tracy, why is this significant? 1143 00:52:39,890 --> 00:52:40,991 Because. 1144 00:52:40,991 --> 00:52:42,726 (audience laughing) 1145 00:52:42,726 --> 00:52:45,496 I go in there on a Monday for my proctologist appointment 1146 00:52:45,496 --> 00:52:47,631 and I'm up on the thing and the doctor's in there, 1147 00:52:47,631 --> 00:52:49,433 you know, looking for his keys or 1148 00:52:49,433 --> 00:52:51,835 (audience laughing) 1149 00:52:51,835 --> 00:52:53,303 writing his name. 1150 00:52:53,303 --> 00:52:55,172 (audience laughing) 1151 00:52:55,172 --> 00:52:57,908 (sighs) It was a really long name. 1152 00:52:57,908 --> 00:52:59,243 (audience laughing) 1153 00:52:59,243 --> 00:53:00,511 Never long enough. (moans) 1154 00:53:00,511 --> 00:53:04,648 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 1155 00:53:04,648 --> 00:53:06,683 And we had sex for the first time on a Friday 1156 00:53:06,683 --> 00:53:08,152 and I'm in the doctor on a Monday 1157 00:53:08,152 --> 00:53:11,855 and the doctor goes, "So, what did you do this weekend?" 1158 00:53:11,855 --> 00:53:13,690 (audience laughing softly) 1159 00:53:13,690 --> 00:53:18,695 And I go, "Uh, actually a lot of what you're doing now." 1160 00:53:19,463 --> 00:53:22,766 (audience laughing) 1161 00:53:22,766 --> 00:53:24,034 And thank god he laughed, you guys. 1162 00:53:24,034 --> 00:53:25,302 I was like, "I did not know 1163 00:53:25,302 --> 00:53:26,870 "if you were gonna laugh at that." 1164 00:53:26,870 --> 00:53:28,205 (audience laughing) 1165 00:53:28,205 --> 00:53:29,873 And I'll never forget it, he goes, 1166 00:53:29,873 --> 00:53:33,377 "I'm a proctologist in West Hollywood. 1167 00:53:33,377 --> 00:53:36,980 (audience laughing) 1168 00:53:36,980 --> 00:53:39,983 "I've pulled people out of people." 1169 00:53:39,983 --> 00:53:42,886 (audience laughing) 1170 00:53:42,886 --> 00:53:47,891 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 1171 00:53:49,393 --> 00:53:50,461 Ah. 1172 00:53:50,461 --> 00:53:52,296 (audience laughing) 1173 00:53:52,296 --> 00:53:53,730 Thank you guys, really, for staying with me all night. 1174 00:53:53,730 --> 00:53:55,065 This has been nice. 1175 00:53:55,065 --> 00:53:58,569 (audience cheering) 1176 00:53:58,569 --> 00:54:00,237 One of the great things about not dating anymore 1177 00:54:00,237 --> 00:54:01,872 is you get to be in this sort of, 1178 00:54:01,872 --> 00:54:04,408 this little bubble in your relationship. 1179 00:54:04,408 --> 00:54:06,577 I guess you could say you're in a yellow cloud. 1180 00:54:06,577 --> 00:54:09,880 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 1181 00:54:09,880 --> 00:54:12,249 (gentle guitar music) 1182 00:54:12,249 --> 00:54:15,419 And I wrote this song specifically about that. 1183 00:54:15,419 --> 00:54:17,688 (audience cheering) 1184 00:54:17,688 --> 00:54:21,258 ♪ I can see us in a small town 1185 00:54:21,258 --> 00:54:24,995 ♪ Count the stars up in the sky ♪ 1186 00:54:24,995 --> 00:54:28,499 ♪ Never thought that they could fall down ♪ 1187 00:54:28,499 --> 00:54:32,202 ♪ Onto your suit or on your tie ♪ 1188 00:54:32,202 --> 00:54:35,939 ♪ Across the table at a French place ♪ 1189 00:54:35,939 --> 00:54:39,776 ♪ I lose my way into the wine 1190 00:54:39,776 --> 00:54:43,380 ♪ With your glasses on your pretty face ♪ 1191 00:54:43,380 --> 00:54:46,450 ♪ You can go up, baby, we can float up ♪ 1192 00:54:46,450 --> 00:54:50,454 ♪ Say we'll never come back down ♪ 1193 00:54:50,454 --> 00:54:53,757 ♪ To the place in the yellow cloud ♪ 1194 00:54:53,757 --> 00:54:57,294 ♪ Yours forever, thumbtack down ♪ 1195 00:54:57,294 --> 00:55:04,568 ♪ Ooh 1196 00:55:04,568 --> 00:55:09,573 ♪ And say you'll never come back down ♪ 1197 00:55:10,807 --> 00:55:12,876 ♪ To the place in the yellow cloud ♪ 1198 00:55:12,876 --> 00:55:15,445 ♪ Do do do, do do do, do do 1199 00:55:15,445 --> 00:55:19,983 ♪ Do do do, do do do, do do do, do ♪ 1200 00:55:19,983 --> 00:55:23,754 ♪ Days are running at a slow pace ♪ 1201 00:55:23,754 --> 00:55:27,391 ♪ And all the glitter in between ♪ 1202 00:55:27,391 --> 00:55:29,960 ♪ And all the fallout from the won race ♪ 1203 00:55:29,960 --> 00:55:30,928 (Trixie clears throat) 1204 00:55:30,928 --> 00:55:34,631 ♪ I'm Miss American Teen 1205 00:55:34,631 --> 00:55:38,402 ♪ And I can see the picket fences ♪ 1206 00:55:38,402 --> 00:55:42,105 ♪ And I can see you mow the lawn ♪ 1207 00:55:42,105 --> 00:55:45,943 ♪ I got no fear and no pretenses ♪ 1208 00:55:45,943 --> 00:55:49,012 ♪ We got nothing but our sunglasses on ♪ 1209 00:55:49,012 --> 00:55:53,150 ♪ Say we'll never come back down ♪ 1210 00:55:53,150 --> 00:55:56,486 ♪ To the place in the yellow cloud ♪ 1211 00:55:56,486 --> 00:56:00,023 ♪ Yours forever, thumbtack down ♪ 1212 00:56:00,023 --> 00:56:07,197 ♪ Ooh 1213 00:56:07,197 --> 00:56:12,202 ♪ And say you'll never come back down ♪ 1214 00:56:13,437 --> 00:56:15,539 ♪ To the place in the yellow cloud ♪ 1215 00:56:15,539 --> 00:56:18,275 ♪ Do do do, do do do, do do 1216 00:56:18,275 --> 00:56:22,779 ♪ Do do do, do do do, do do do, do do ♪ 1217 00:56:23,947 --> 00:56:26,950 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 1218 00:56:26,950 --> 00:56:27,784 Oh, wow. 1219 00:56:29,953 --> 00:56:31,488 (soft guitar music) 1220 00:56:31,488 --> 00:56:32,823 Well, thank you. 1221 00:56:34,958 --> 00:56:36,226 So before I go, there's one song 1222 00:56:36,226 --> 00:56:38,895 that definitely changed my life this year. 1223 00:56:38,895 --> 00:56:41,231 (audience cheering) 1224 00:56:41,231 --> 00:56:44,635 ♪ Know you're sexy and keep slaying the game ♪ 1225 00:56:44,635 --> 00:56:47,904 ♪ Let the world remember your name ♪ 1226 00:56:47,904 --> 00:56:51,241 ♪ Feel your puss down deep in your soul ♪ 1227 00:56:51,241 --> 00:56:53,577 ♪ Let your body lose control 1228 00:56:53,577 --> 00:56:57,047 ♪ Hey kitty girl, it's your world ♪ 1229 00:56:57,047 --> 00:57:00,417 ♪ When you walk the street stepping to the beat ♪ 1230 00:57:00,417 --> 00:57:03,854 ♪ Hey kitty girl, get your twirl ♪ 1231 00:57:03,854 --> 00:57:05,489 ♪ In the disco heat 1232 00:57:05,489 --> 00:57:07,891 ♪ You're the boogie-body-rocking queen ♪ 1233 00:57:07,891 --> 00:57:09,159 ♪ Step aside, I'm back again 1234 00:57:09,159 --> 00:57:10,994 ♪ So hyped, so lit, adrenaline 1235 00:57:10,994 --> 00:57:13,263 ♪ I'm Shangela, say what 1236 00:57:13,263 --> 00:57:14,598 ♪ Started on the bottom, now I'm all grown up ♪ 1237 00:57:14,598 --> 00:57:16,333 - That was good, you guys were shitty. 1238 00:57:16,333 --> 00:57:19,369 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 1239 00:57:19,369 --> 00:57:21,605 ♪ I'm Shangela, say what 1240 00:57:21,605 --> 00:57:22,906 ♪ Now I'm all grown up 1241 00:57:22,906 --> 00:57:24,508 ♪ Gonna take this verse just to let you know ♪ 1242 00:57:24,508 --> 00:57:26,109 ♪ Don't listen to the haters, be a pro ♪ 1243 00:57:26,109 --> 00:57:27,944 ♪ 'Cause I worked my way, paid my dues ♪ 1244 00:57:27,944 --> 00:57:29,279 ♪ Now I got the whole world saying hall, ♪ 1245 00:57:29,279 --> 00:57:32,582 ♪ Hey kitty girl, it's your world ♪ 1246 00:57:32,582 --> 00:57:36,086 ♪ When you walk the street stepping to the beat ♪ 1247 00:57:36,086 --> 00:57:39,623 ♪ Hey kitty girl, get your twirl ♪ 1248 00:57:39,623 --> 00:57:42,926 ♪ In the disco heat you're the boogie-body-rocking queen ♪ 1249 00:57:42,926 --> 00:57:44,861 Okay, up next is BeBe Zahara Benet's part. 1250 00:57:44,861 --> 00:57:48,365 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 1251 00:57:48,365 --> 00:57:50,567 And it's too hard to do and sing at the same time. 1252 00:57:50,567 --> 00:57:52,035 Does anyone here know it by heart? 1253 00:57:52,035 --> 00:57:53,637 (audience cheering) 1254 00:57:53,637 --> 00:57:56,073 You in the overalls, you know it by heart? 1255 00:57:56,073 --> 00:57:57,708 You better get up here, you fucking bitch. 1256 00:57:57,708 --> 00:58:02,646 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 1257 00:58:03,380 --> 00:58:05,649 (audience cheering) 1258 00:58:06,817 --> 00:58:08,218 - [Audience Member] Don't fuck it up. 1259 00:58:08,218 --> 00:58:09,553 (audience laughing) 1260 00:58:09,553 --> 00:58:11,988 - She's not going to. 1261 00:58:11,988 --> 00:58:13,990 You're not gonna fuck it up, are you? 1262 00:58:13,990 --> 00:58:16,426 You better come up here in this fucking see-through shirt, 1263 00:58:16,426 --> 00:58:17,661 you fucking bitch. 1264 00:58:17,661 --> 00:58:19,396 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 1265 00:58:19,396 --> 00:58:21,732 She said, "I came ready." 1266 00:58:21,732 --> 00:58:23,133 (audience laughing) 1267 00:58:23,133 --> 00:58:24,334 You think you know this song? 1268 00:58:24,334 --> 00:58:25,502 - Yeah. - Okay, well, 1269 00:58:25,502 --> 00:58:27,003 just so you know-- - I think so. 1270 00:58:27,003 --> 00:58:27,971 - There's a lot of people here and they are filming it 1271 00:58:27,971 --> 00:58:29,306 so, you know, just make it good. 1272 00:58:29,306 --> 00:58:30,841 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 1273 00:58:30,841 --> 00:58:31,908 Don't embarrass me. 1274 00:58:31,908 --> 00:58:32,976 (Sarah laughs) 1275 00:58:32,976 --> 00:58:34,177 - What's your name? - Sarah. 1276 00:58:34,177 --> 00:58:35,445 - Sarah, put that microphone right here. 1277 00:58:35,445 --> 00:58:36,446 - Here? - Tell them, 1278 00:58:36,446 --> 00:58:37,647 "I'm Sarah." - I'm Sarah. 1279 00:58:37,647 --> 00:58:38,849 - "And I'm not gonna fuck it up." 1280 00:58:38,849 --> 00:58:40,083 - And I'm not gonna fuck it up. 1281 00:58:40,083 --> 00:58:43,587 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 1282 00:58:43,587 --> 00:58:45,122 (gentle guitar music) 1283 00:58:45,122 --> 00:58:48,191 ♪ In the disco heat you're the boogie-body-rocking queen ♪ 1284 00:58:48,191 --> 00:58:49,926 ♪ Mirror, mirror, on the wall 1285 00:58:49,926 --> 00:58:51,595 ♪ I'm the fiercest of them all 1286 00:58:51,595 --> 00:58:53,363 ♪ Face, face, face, body and all ♪ 1287 00:58:53,363 --> 00:58:55,198 ♪ Another day, another slay 1288 00:58:55,198 --> 00:58:57,033 ♪ Meow, meow, savage beauty 1289 00:58:57,033 --> 00:58:58,502 ♪ Stepping out on the mission 1290 00:58:58,502 --> 00:59:00,370 ♪ Get fierce, stay ready 1291 00:59:00,370 --> 00:59:02,706 ♪ The OG's back for another crown ♪ 1292 00:59:02,706 --> 00:59:07,711 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 1293 00:59:09,679 --> 00:59:10,680 - Excuse me. 1294 00:59:15,285 --> 00:59:17,287 This is like "A Star is Born". 1295 00:59:17,287 --> 00:59:20,056 (audience cheering) 1296 00:59:20,056 --> 00:59:22,225 But I can't really do anything for your career. 1297 00:59:22,225 --> 00:59:23,360 (audience laughing) 1298 00:59:23,360 --> 00:59:25,328 A star is still born. 1299 00:59:25,328 --> 00:59:28,732 (audience laughing) 1300 00:59:28,732 --> 00:59:31,067 You were so good, do you wanna do the second half too? 1301 00:59:31,067 --> 00:59:31,902 - Yeah. 1302 00:59:31,902 --> 00:59:32,736 - Bitch, you-- 1303 00:59:34,905 --> 00:59:36,907 (audience cheering) (Sarah laughing) 1304 00:59:36,907 --> 00:59:38,575 Can you get me that M&M? (laughs) 1305 00:59:38,575 --> 00:59:42,245 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 1306 00:59:42,245 --> 00:59:43,513 Thank you. 1307 00:59:43,513 --> 00:59:45,582 (audience laughing) (audience applauding) 1308 00:59:45,582 --> 00:59:50,587 Mm. (gentle guitar music) 1309 00:59:50,587 --> 00:59:51,721 You didn't give her one, it's okay. 1310 00:59:51,721 --> 00:59:53,723 ♪ Hey kitty girl 1311 00:59:53,723 --> 00:59:54,858 Right, so you're gonna do my part. 1312 00:59:54,858 --> 00:59:55,759 - Okay. - And I wrote it 1313 00:59:55,759 --> 00:59:56,693 and I'm standing right here. 1314 00:59:56,693 --> 00:59:57,928 - Okay, uh. 1315 00:59:57,928 --> 01:00:00,263 (audience cheering) 1316 01:00:00,263 --> 01:00:01,531 I got it. 1317 01:00:01,531 --> 01:00:05,268 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 1318 01:00:05,268 --> 01:00:07,070 By the way, they're never this supportive for me, 1319 01:00:07,070 --> 01:00:08,038 so fuck them. 1320 01:00:08,038 --> 01:00:09,272 (audience laughing) 1321 01:00:09,272 --> 01:00:10,440 So we're gonna lead her in with kitty girl 1322 01:00:10,440 --> 01:00:11,842 and then you're gonna do my part, ready? 1323 01:00:11,842 --> 01:00:13,109 - Okay. - So we're gonna lead her in. 1324 01:00:13,109 --> 01:00:14,578 You relax while we sing to you. 1325 01:00:14,578 --> 01:00:17,747 ♪ Hey kitty girl, it's your world ♪ 1326 01:00:17,747 --> 01:00:21,618 ♪ In the disco heat you're the boogie-body-rocking queen ♪ 1327 01:00:21,618 --> 01:00:23,119 ♪ Step up to the plate, I'm Trixie Mattel ♪ 1328 01:00:23,119 --> 01:00:24,788 ♪ Got my name in the game, better learn it well ♪ 1329 01:00:24,788 --> 01:00:26,590 ♪ 'cause I'm the MVP heading up to bat ♪ 1330 01:00:26,590 --> 01:00:28,425 ♪ And I'll go to third base but I'd never tell that ♪ 1331 01:00:28,425 --> 01:00:30,293 ♪ I got bleach in the blonde like Pamela ♪ 1332 01:00:30,293 --> 01:00:31,895 ♪ And I'm stepping out the box like Shangela ♪ 1333 01:00:31,895 --> 01:00:33,630 ♪ I got long thick legs, a tarantula ♪ 1334 01:00:33,630 --> 01:00:35,966 ♪ And if you call me kitty girl, I'ma handle ya, uh ♪ 1335 01:00:35,966 --> 01:00:40,971 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 1336 01:00:45,308 --> 01:00:47,477 Get the fuck out of here immediately. 1337 01:00:54,384 --> 01:00:56,086 (gentle guitar music) 1338 01:00:56,086 --> 01:00:57,654 Well, Sarah's a fucking liar. 1339 01:00:57,654 --> 01:00:58,989 (audience laughing) 1340 01:00:58,989 --> 01:01:00,090 She's like, "I don't know if I know it." 1341 01:01:00,090 --> 01:01:01,558 ♪ Ka ka da ka ka ka ka kow 1342 01:01:01,558 --> 01:01:02,592 (audience laughing) 1343 01:01:02,592 --> 01:01:05,762 (gentle guitar music) 1344 01:01:07,564 --> 01:01:09,633 Well, you guys, that's the end of the show. 1345 01:01:09,633 --> 01:01:11,468 - [Audience] Aw! 1346 01:01:11,468 --> 01:01:13,937 - We've only been here for two and a half hours, I know. 1347 01:01:14,804 --> 01:01:16,006 But honestly if anything tonight 1348 01:01:16,006 --> 01:01:17,841 wasn't funny to you, remember this. 1349 01:01:18,742 --> 01:01:22,345 ♪ I've already got your money 1350 01:01:22,345 --> 01:01:23,847 I'm Trixie Mattel, bye. 1351 01:01:23,847 --> 01:01:28,852 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 1352 01:01:29,486 --> 01:01:31,855 ("Yellow Cloud") 1353 01:01:37,494 --> 01:01:41,031 ♪ I can see us in a small town 1354 01:01:41,031 --> 01:01:44,801 ♪ You count the stars up in the sky ♪ 1355 01:01:44,801 --> 01:01:48,538 ♪ I never thought that they could fall down ♪ 1356 01:01:48,538 --> 01:01:52,208 ♪ Onto your suit or on your tie ♪ 1357 01:01:52,208 --> 01:01:55,879 ♪ Across the table at a French place ♪ 1358 01:01:55,879 --> 01:01:59,683 ♪ I lose my way into the wine 1359 01:01:59,683 --> 01:02:03,386 ♪ With your glasses on your pretty face ♪ 1360 01:02:03,386 --> 01:02:06,556 ♪ We can go up, baby, we can float up ♪ 1361 01:02:06,556 --> 01:02:10,327 ♪ Say we'll never come back down ♪ 1362 01:02:10,327 --> 01:02:11,394 ♪ Ah ♪ To the place 1363 01:02:11,394 --> 01:02:13,997 ♪ In the yellow cloud 1364 01:02:13,997 --> 01:02:17,667 ♪ Yours forever, thumbtack down ♪ 1365 01:02:17,667 --> 01:02:24,908 ♪ Ooh 1366 01:02:24,908 --> 01:02:29,913 ♪ Say you'll never come back down ♪ 1367 01:02:31,147 --> 01:02:33,183 ♪ To the place in the yellow cloud ♪ 1368 01:02:33,183 --> 01:02:40,490 ♪ Do do do, do do do, do do do, do do ♪ 1369 01:02:44,194 --> 01:02:47,364 (soft autoharp music)