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I wake up middle of the night drenched in sweat.
My heart is racing, okay.
I reach a hand over to Lindsey's side of the bed.
She's not there and I realize it's not even our bed.
It's just a sad mattress on a box spring.
So I make my way into the hallway.
I go into Cooper's room,
that's our son,
and he's not there either.
And so now I'm really nervous.
I got running into Skyler's room, the baby's room,
and she's not in her crib,
and I realize I'm not even in my house.
I'm at some shitty, one bedroom walkup in uptown,
and I turn around and suddenly this window appears,
and I just chuck myself right the fuck out it.
Why?
To kill myself.
I realize my life is meaningless.
I never started a family.
I never invented Wiggler.
I have no equity.
I never made any choices or moves of any kind.
I'm 34, jobless, broke, totally alone,
full of self-loathing and shame.
I hate myself, so I kill myself.
That's the nightmare anyway.
But for a minute there.
I mean, Jesus!
Can you imagine, fuck.
How about you.
What do you do?
I'm a server
at a restaurant.
Oh, that's cool.
You're in your 20s, gets better.
Actually, I'm 34.
You look good.
Will you excuse me a second, I see somebody.
Mm hmm.
♪ Nothing could come from nothing for you and me ♪
Hi.
Hey.
I'm Bridget.
Jace.
How do you know Amy?
Ah, she's a regular at La Mar.
You own a restaurant?
No, I'm a server.
I'm gonna cum.
Ah, ah, me too.
Pull out.
Hey, I think you might be on your period.
There's a little bit of blood.
A lot of blood.
I'll get, I'll take care of pillows if you wanna--
Yeah, I'll do all of this stuff.
I think maybe just let's try not to.
Ah, you, you have some on your face.
Really, where, ah?
Like right across here.
High up?
Like right here and right here.
On this side?
Oh damn, everywhere.
Oh, it's on your hand too.
Oh, yeah, okay.
I don't think ah,
I'd had started when you were going down on me.
Yeah, I didn't, I, I couldn't tell.
Ah, you tasted ah, normal, I'd say.
Oh, good.
Mm hmm, um.
I know that some guys are into this.
They call themselves bloodhounds.
Oh, I'm not a bloodhound, I would say.
I mean sex on your period, I'm totally cool with.
Sure, I mean normally I just put a towel down.
Yeah, just like ah, you know, clean up after.
It's really hard to take anything seriously--
I'm sorry.
With this much blood on you.
I swear to you I'm not a bloodhound.
Shit.
What?
Ah, you gotta go.
Oh, okay, why?
I have a job interview.
What for, oh.
To be a nanny.
Okay, you must really like kids.
I don't.
Oh, okay.
Can I see you again?
♪ I don't want to play outside ♪
♪ Looking for someplace that I can lay low ♪
♪ Maybe I've been ornery ♪
♪ The sun it makes me lonely ♪
♪ I'm just waiting for the moon to rise ♪
♪ Maybe I've been ornery ♪
♪ The sun it makes me lonely ♪
♪ I'm just waiting for ♪
You must be Bridget.
Mm hmm.
So, you'd start in June when Franny gets off for school,
and in August we'd set you free again.
Yep, I wouldn't be here very much.
My firm doesn't give maternity leave
unless you do the actual birthing.
I'll be working a little from home,
but our doctor says I should build in extra rest time
because of my age.
I have a geriatric pregnancy.
If you're over 35 that's the medical name.
No doubt coined by an actual geriatric white man.
Have you nannied before?
Not full-time yet.
I've babysitted, sat.
Ah, Dana mentioned you had siblings.
Yeah, I have a younger brother.
He's six years younger.
Oh, that'll be the age difference for Franny and Wally.
We were worried that it might be
too far apart for them to be friends.
Are you close with your brother?
Not really.
No, he has like a job, and a house, and is very responsible.
We don't have a lot in common.
Did you have a tough time finding the house?
You creeped out by that?
I am.
You Catholic?
Fallen, I went to Immaculate Conception
from kindergarten to eighth grade.
Maya wanted Franny to go to Catholic school,
but I put my foot down.
That's probably a good idea
if you want her not to hate the church.
I'm just, I don't hate it.
I wonder where Franny is?
Hello.
Did I win?
Did my mom help you?
No.
Just gonna give you a few minutes
to get to know each other.
I actually can't stay long.
Okay.
Dana told me lots of nice things about you.
Is Dana coming?
No, she moved when she had her baby, remember?
But she's my best friend,
and she thought that you and I
would get along really well.
Hello, Frances, no, I don't know any Frances.
No, I don't, I don't think there's a Frances here, is there?
Let me try, Frances!
Franny, you have a very important call.
I'm not even sure she can understand me right now.
Here, do you wanna try to talk to her?
Okay, here's Frances.
You see what I mean?
We're done.
♪ Ooh, la la la la la la la la ♪
I'm not gonna get it.
Why?
Because I was honest.
Should've just lied and said that I love kids,
and I'm CPR certified.
Oh, my God.
What?
The pee-pee teepee worked,
and now you can't spray pee-pee
into mommy's face anymore, can you?
Did you run into any Northwestern people?
No, why?
Be ready, that neighborhood's crawling
with people we went to school with.
You went to school with.
You were there for a year.
It doesn't count.
Oh, my God!
What?
He just smiled.
It couldn't be gas, but can you smile.
Can you smile for momma and Bridget?
I can't see him.
Let me get it on video.
Oh, film it later.
I don't know if he'll do it again.
Ever?
I gotta go.
Ow!
Sorry.
Hi, Bridget, this is Maya Rodriguez.
Um, Annie and I were wondering
if you might still be available for the summer position?
Where you going?
You're an absolute lifesaver.
Now, the woman we hired came with tons of experience,
and recommendations, but she was older and very rigid,
and she had trouble keeping up with Franny,
and Franny was coming home even more wound up,
and so I was left with a wild six year old,
and a screaming baby till Annie got home at eight,
and I thought I was gonna lose my mind
if I had to go another week like that.
So ah, we let her go.
Well, Annie did.
I couldn't do it.
This is Wally?
Ah, Wallace Francisco Rodriguez Paulsen.
Wow.
I know and he'll get another name when he's confirmed.
Okay, we gotta go.
Good job, yeah.
You're gonna crawl soon, yeah.
I gotta do it when he's nice and sleepy.
Oh, I, I ah, my keys are here somewhere.
Okay, um, would you mind watching Wally for me?
Sure.
Hey.
Uh, found them.
Where's Franny?
It's quiet.
I apologize.
Do you know how to get to the park?
I don't trust Franny to guide you.
I apologize.
I can look it up on my phone.
Ah, for snacks, no sugar.
Bye, Mommy.
I'm Bridget, remember me?
Hey, hey!
Do you know how to open this?
I can walk.
Your mom wanted us to bring it.
It's for the baby.
Leave it on the porch.
I don't want anyone to steal it.
They won't, crime rate's really low here.
Hey!
So, what's your favorite color?
Hey, slow down.
How old are you?
How old do you think I am?
52.
Why do you think that?
Because that's how old Linda was,
and she was as slow as you.
I'm 34.
Do you have kids?
No.
Are you married?
No.
Do you have a boyfriend?
No.
A girlfriend?
No, do you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend?
No.
Then we have something in common.
I'm tired.
We just started walking.
Will you carry me?
Let's go back and get the stroller.
No, we're almost there.
It won't take long if you carry me.
The park is really close?
Come on.
You're sweaty.
Can I have some money?
Your mom said no sugar.
Please?
We can get an apple or something on the way home.
Hmm.
Help, she's not my mom!
I don't know her!
Help, she's not my mom!
I don't know her, help!
Frances started crying and then Maya started crying,
and Maya came back with even more money,
and told me to take the rest of the day off.
Like that?
Wow.
Uh huh, that's for you.
And these are for me.
Yeah, uh huh.
It's sad, because Maya was this funny,
confident, sexy woman,
and now she's just like this,
she's a bare-boobed unshowered,
perpetually crying milk machine.
What about this conversation is turning you on?
Unshowered.
Ah.
What?
That's okay, they just swell up before I get my period.
I know.
You know?
Yeah, I pay attention.
Do you prefer them like this?
I like them at all stages.
I mean it.
♪ Acting like I don't really see ♪
♪ I'm just a distraction for another ♪
♪ That's just how it is when love a man like me ♪
♪ Maybe I have something ♪
♪ Something to offer ♪
♪ I can come back stronger ♪
I'm for sure getting rid of it.
Okay.
We could talk about other options or--
No, thanks.
Yeah, sure.
Do you think maybe your birth control
like malfunctioned or--
I'm not on birth control.
You're not?
No.
Okay.
I've used this method for like eight years.
This method?
You sure that you.
Pulled out, yeah.
Every time?
Well, I think so.
Your sperm are probably super fast.
That's a compliment.
Thank you, I thank you so much, appreciate that.
God, I honestly thought I couldn't even get--
Why did you think that?
Because it's never happened before.
I hear it.
I hear that how it sounds.
I'll go with you when you go.
Okay.
And I'll pay for it,
We'll split it.
Mama said I have to try and respect you.
Get in.
Where are we going?
The library.
I don't wanna be quiet!
We'll go to the park afterward.
I just need some quiet time to think.
About your choices?
What?
When I'm in timeout,
I'm suppose to think about my choices.
Again!
Hey, no running, please.
Can't you read?
Hearing it helps my brain development.
Mama, is it springtime yet?
No, it's winter forever.
You skipped a bunch.
It's boring until the end.
Start over.
Start over!
Do your mom's leave you here when they go to the bathroom?
Of course.
Mom
Yes?
I love you.
I love you too, babe.
Do you feel better?
Yeah, a lot better.
One, two, three.
You can flip it, Jeffrey.
Are you on your period?
Oh, God.
Cats in boots, cats in boots, cats in boots, cats!
Franny, can you be a little more quiet, please?
We're outside, so I can use my outside voice!
Again!
Again.
Shit.
She threw me out of the stroller!
We went over some bumps,
and I forgot to buckle her in, I'm sorry.
Why, it's okay.
Help Bridget, okay?
Soap.
Okay, how does that feel?
Does that sting?
Neosporin.
This might sting just a little bit.
Just a little more, okay.
Band-aids.
How do they feel now?
Last one.
Where do you want yours?
Thank you.
First time?
What?
Is that the one where Dumbledore dies?
Dumbledore dies?
Bridget D.
Bridget, hi, so I understand
you're looking to get an abortion.
Yes, I'm in the market.
Well, we'll start with an ultrasound.
I thought I wouldn't need one.
We need it to tell how far along you are.
Don't worry, you don't have to look at it.
You wanna know if it's twins?
I guess.
It's not.
Okay, you can sit up now.
I got it.
Cool, cool.
So this is probably gonna get messy.
I know, I've done some research.
And um, I know we've encountered a little bit of blood
in our relationship before, we just--
Oh, we're not in a relationship.
Oh, ah, okay.
It's just that you're 26.
Yeah?
Well, it's those 26 year old,
young, agile, super in-shape sperm
that got us into this in the first place.
And your 34 year old eggs.
I, I just mean that your eggs
are in good shape too, that's all.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I feel like you should have to do something.
Like give yourself food poisoning or something.
Okay, um, what do we got?
I think I have some really old chicken.
Okay, oh yeah.
I can't tell if you're serious.
I have to keep them here for 20 minutes.
Cool.
Do I look cute?
You look very cute.
I feel cute.
It's a slice.
It's not exactly an enthusiastic leaf eater.
A couple of half-hearted chews,
and the leaves go straight down to its stomach.
Fuck.
Everything okay?
Go into the other room,
and turn the TV up really loud.
Okay, is there anything I can get you?
You can get the fuck away from the door.
Okay.
Okay, I got this printout here.
Um, caring for yourself after an abortion.
Okay, ah, normal side effects, bleeding, obviously.
If there's heavy bleeding,
use a heavy maxi-pad for an hour, in an hour.
Ah, then begin deep uterine massaging for 10 minutes.
So I could, I could do that if you need me to.
Do the uterine massage.
Um, take 800 milligrams of ibuprofen with food or milk.
Do you have any milk?
Almond milk, does that count?
No, it has to be dairy.
You're not lactose intolerant, are you?
Yeah, I am.
That will also cause cramps it said.
And then after that apply more uterine massages frequently.
What does that mean?
It's ah, I've actually done that before.
It's ah, they're quite comfortable.
Chapter 14, Felix Felicis.
Harry had herbology first thing the following morning.
Do British.
Harry had herbology first thing the following morning.
Here's ah, discharge,
ah it may be non-bloody
in range from a brown to a black color.
Black?
Yeah, do you wanna hear the abnormal side effects?
No.
Okay, awesome.
Prolonged, heavy bleeding.
Ah, if you have blood clots larger than a lemon,
that would be abnormal.
I see.
I wonder if they mean like an organic lemon, or a--
Yeah, like genetically a modified lemon.
A GMO or a lemon would be larger probably, or presumably.
The weekend's brutal wind had died out at last.
Chills, fever, nausea, vomiting, fainting.
If the bleeding continues for more than three hours,
give us a call.
Um--
What, we're at like two right now?
Two hours, yeah.
So if you still, yeah, I, I, I bet in 15 minutes,
this is all gonna be, you're gonna be fine.
Hey, can I show you something?
It's really gross.
Yeah, okay.
Do you think that's it?
I don't know.
How big is it suppose to be?
Online it said it's about the size of a sweet pea.
Like a pod, pea pod?
Like an individual pea inside the pod.
Oh.
It's about this size.
There's been a lot of blood though.
So it could just be another clot.
I hate how they compare it to cute things, you know?
Like a raspberry, a kumquat, a tomatillo.
When really it's just the size of a rat turd.
♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ Ah, wee, ah, ah, ah, ah ♪
Hey, you here for Little Strummers?
Mm, hmm, this is Frances.
Frances, hi, okay, perfect.
Well, you've got a little bit of time
before the class starts,
so if you wanna just go play,
you can do that till you hear the welcome song.
Are you gonna stay?
We encourage parents to stay and play with their littles.
I don't know how, so.
Perfect opportunity to learn.
Don't tell me this old dog can't learn new tricks.
That sounds fun,
but I have a lot of adult important stuff to take care of.
But you're gonna have a great time with Miss Margaret.
No, no, I'm, I'm an administrator.
I'm not an artist.
Your teacher is gonna be Mr. Isaac right over there.
He's a poet.
We sell several of his chap books next door.
He's very good.
Okay, bye.
Bye.
♪ I watched the rain coming down in stride ♪
♪ Fast as she came ♪
Yeah, that one's too small.
You got big hands.
Oh.
Yeah, long fingers are a sign of creativity and genius.
♪ Listen for the sound of her coming toward your soul ♪
Play it.
I don't know how.
Your body doesn't yet,
but your heart's been playing all your life.
You guys are awesome.
Thank you so much, great class.
See ya next week.
Practice, don't forget to practice.
Did you steal that?
No, I bought it.
But you don't have any money.
Shh.
I think we got a little Joan Jett on our hands.
You Frances mom?
No.
No, I just, I watch her, I'm Bridget.
Frances showed a natural aptitude today.
Don't tell the other kids, but I've got a new favorite.
The strings hurt my fingers today.
Well, you'll get used to it.
You get calluses and you won't feel a thing.
Did you get that downstairs?
I just had them restring it.
You play?
Not for years.
Can we go?
Mm hmm.
Will you join us next week?
Once in a lifetime opportunity to play with Joan Jett.
Why did he keep calling me Joan Jett?
It's a compliment.
My name is Frances.
You wanna be Joan Jett, trust me.
She was one of the great rock stars.
Really angry, lots of statement eyeliner.
Wonder if she's dead now?
Why was she angry?
Because she was born into a patriarchy
and it effing sucked.
What's a patriarchy?
It's where men are in charge,
and women have to do what they say.
My guitar class is a patriarchy.
♪ Midnight, gettin' uptight ♪
♪ Where are you ♪
♪ You said you'd meet me ♪
♪ Now it's quarter to two ♪
♪ I know I'm hangin' but I'm still wantin' you ♪
♪ Hey, Jack, it's a fact they're talkin' in town ♪
♪ I turn my back and you're messin' around ♪
♪ I'm not really jealous ♪
Hey!
♪ Don't like lookin' like a clown ♪
Oh, you scared me.
Y'all look pretty scary yourselves.
Mama.
How ya doin'?
Frances is over.
I'm Joan Jett now.
Well, Joan, let's go get you cleaned up.
It's not coming off.
I think it's waterproof.
Did you use your mascara on her?
You really shouldn't have done that,
because Franny had pinkeye this weekend.
Pinkeye means you got poop in your eye.
Yes, it does.
I can never get her to nap.
I don't give her a choice.
So, you're a fan of The Runaways?
Yeah, I listened to them all the time growing up.
You should look up what happened to those girls
when they were making that music.
The Runaways dark side.
Oh, fuck.
Hi.
You look so nice and skinny.
Mom.
Oh, sorry, you look so smart.
Can we slow down?
When Dad can't keep up I hike ahead,
then turn around and come back for him.
I get twice the sets.
I am keeping up just fine.
No point paying for gym membership if you don't use it.
I'm already at 7,000.
Dennis, you go ahead.
He needs to stay in the aerobics zone,
otherwise it doesn't help.
See, Bridget, this is how I stay in the aerobics zone.
You don't have to boss him around like that.
The doctor said if he doesn't lose weight,
he'll have a heart attack.
He's been walking on the treadmill four miles every night.
That's good.
I bought him these little gold stars
to put on the calender each time he does it.
He doesn't go to sleep until he's gotten his star.
Is he still retiring next year?
We're learning Spanish.
And we'll have time to visit you more often.
Be nice if there was a reason to.
I saw on Facebook that Jill Stafford is pregnant.
Please stop friending my friends.
I'm trying to see what's going on with you.
You can ask what's going on with me.
She's been married for awhile now.
I started to wonder if there was something wrong.
It's a risk waiting that late.
She's my age.
Exactly.
I don't think I'd be a very good mother.
You'd be a great mother.
What if I was one of those moms who went crazy,
and drowned her kids in a bathtub.
Those are the extreme cases.
It usually doesn't get that far.
When you were a baby and you screamed and screamed,
and there was nothing I could do to get you to stop,
I'd imagine taking you by the ankles,
and swinging your little head
into the head into the wall over and over
until it was a bloody pulp.
Oh, my God.
But then I'd feel so guilty from imagining it,
I wouldn't actually do it.
I don't know that you should tell that story.
It's the truth and women should talk about it more often.
Wouldn't be as lonely.
I think it's immoral to have children.
Immoral to have children?
Yes, with climate change and school shootings,
and possible nuclear war,
it's, it's bringing them into a world that's inhospitable.
Oh, please, the world has always been inhospitable.
When I got pregnant with you, it was the 80s.
Every day Reagan joked about nuking Russia,
but we survived.
I gambled on our survival.
That's what having kids is.
That's reckless.
That's optimistic.
Are you glad you were born?
I don't know.
Now see, that's lazy.
I expected that when you were a teenager,
but you're an adult with a fully formed prefrontal cortex.
Actually think about it.
I know you didn't ask to be,
but if you had the choice to never exist at all,
or to have the exact life you're having now,
would you have chosen to be born?
And when you have kids, they'll be glad they were born too.
Mom, it's okay.
I just love you kids so much.
We love you too.
I'm thinking of freezing my eggs.
You could never afford that.
Can I give you one more hug?
You don't have to ask.
I love you, Dad.
Get your oil changed.
Bye.
Don't, yeah, no, you should've heard it.
I'm not joking.
I think you're fragile.
I need to go to the bathroom.
Okay, go ahead and go.
I'll meet you out front.
You're supposed to come with me.
You're not a baby.
You can go to the bathroom by yourself, go.
Joan quit the band?
I think she's testing boundaries.
She's probably jealous,
because I got a new favorite.
Oh yeah, Donna's pretty inspiring
picking up a new hobby at 50.
Donna's a plebe.
She's a lost cause.
She probably always was.
I was gonna ask,
I don't know if you teach private lessons.
Usually I don't,
but I could maybe make an exception,
if you think we might be a good fit.
Hey, you were supposed to wait inside.
You said outside.
Outside the bathrooms.
You can't wait outside by yourself.
This was really expensive.
You have to take care of it.
I don't even like it.
You don't know the things you like.
I know the things I like.
No, it takes a long time to figure that stuff out.
I like reading.
I like ice skating.
Well, you're not gonna grow up
to be a professional ice skater.
Why not?
Because that's really hard.
Like three people out of a million get to do that,
and you're probably not gonna be good enough.
Well, you're not good at anything!
Get in the car.
Now!
Don't eat too much.
I'm making you lunch.
Shit.
Is this underwear blood!
Franny!
Bridget's still on her period.
Oh.
I am so sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
That's really gross.
No, you're, it's fine.
Honey, you have to let people have their privacy, remember?
You're on your period a lot.
Mommy uses tampons,
but mama uses a clear cup,
which is more better and natural for the environment.
I have to find something most comfortable for my body,
'cause every woman's body is different.
Bless us, Oh Lord, for these our gifts,
which we are about to receive
from thy bounty, through Christ, Our Lord, amen.
I got him.
Oh, are you sure?
It's fine.
I think he likes you.
Whenever I hold him, he cries.
I can take him for awhile if you wanna take a nap.
Oh, no, no, no, I'm fine.
I need healing, I need healing, I need healing now.
Someone heal me, someone heal me.
♪ I'm gonna kiss you in a special way ♪
Do ya, Justin, get back, Justin, stay back!
Hold, hold, let him run out, let him run out,
let him run out, let him run out, let him run,
let him, let him run out.
Fuck off, fuck off, are you kidding, fuck off!
You feeling okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Can I read you something?
Okay.
What's that?
My emotions journal.
It helps me to write stuff down.
We never discussed the emotional impact of what happened,
and I'm starting to realize
I have some unprocessed feelings.
I know we made the right choice,
but I think I might have some
residual sadness about our loss.
Oh, no, I don't feel a loss.
Don't put that on me.
Okay, my loss.
Chad told me you can only lose what you cling to.
Wait, you told Chad?
Yeah, he's my best friend and a Buddhist.
I don't want him to know that.
Well, he's not gonna judge you.
He's gonna look at me all weird.
Well, I needed somebody to talk to and you won't.
We've talked.
Yeah, about the mechanics, but now about how we feel.
I shouldn't have to feel anything about it, right?
You don't, but if you did, you could talk to me.
See, this is why I shouldn't have even told you.
I should've just dealt with it myself.
That's not fair.
Because you have all of these feelings.
You're whole millennial generation.
You're a millennial too.
I'm on the cusp.
How many pages did you write about this?
One, two, three, four, five.
Five, six.
I'm going to sleep.
Shit, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Just a sec!
All right, no hurry.
Oh fuck, fuck, fuck.
Where the fuck is the plunger?
Well, actually, if you wouldn't mind hurrying.
Oh fuck.
Oh God.
Bridget, where are you going?
Home.
Why?
Because the Buddhist just had to
plunge my bloody toilet water,
and now I have to go jump off a bridge.
What?
It's not funny!
Hey, we cool, bro?
We're cool, Chad.
Bridget!
♪ In that how little hand ♪
♪ The red rose my heart ♪
Did you write that?
The songs I'm given just arrive.
It's feels weird taking credit for them.
Oh, I ah, didn't know booze was allowed during class.
It is when I'm the teacher.
Thanks.
Mm hmm.
I'm gonna start you off with something kind of easy
to get you back into it.
Let's do A-C-G.
Uh huh.
You sure you've played before?
You know, it feels like a lifetime ago.
Okay, come here.
So, did you drive here?
I took a Lyft.
Are you heading north?
I'm just four minutes away.
I'm south.
So Venmo works for me.
Right, right, right.
You're a really good teacher.
I learned a lot.
Are you sure you don't wanna come over?
I want to want to come over.
Shit!
Sorry, sorry.
Fuckin' shit!
I am so sorry.
No, I'll be on time if I leave now.
You look terrible.
I have food poisoning.
Well, you should've stayed home.
Oh no, it's okay.
I think it's over now.
Would you mind watching Wally too?
Yeah, of course.
This doctor charges you for missed appointments
if you're more than two minutes late.
Um, there are bottles of milk in the fridge.
You could help, okay?
Bye.
Thank you.
Give him to me.
Do your moms let you hold him?
If I'm gentle.
Okay, there you go.
Get a book, please.
This is a huge tree and there's a swing.
We'll have lots of fun here, won't we?
♪ I'm prepared and we're only halfway there ♪
♪ When the sun came down, the light twisted in your hair ♪
Hey.
♪ And the moon came out too soon, but she did not care ♪
Do you have a condom?
I really don't like those things.
I don't either, but we have to.
Aren't you on birth control?
No.
You should really be on birth control.
Or we could just use a condom.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
We can stop.
I don't need to stop.
Um, it, it's okay.
We can talk about it.
You're not wet.
What?
You're not really wet.
It's, it's actually kind of painful for me.
It's a lubricated condom.
Ah, you didn't tell me you were on your period.
Could've used a warning.
Fuck.
You're slower than Linda.
Then go ahead.
You little shit.
Franny!
Oh, are you okay?
Is she yours?
Yes, don't you ever do that again!
Do you hear me?
You have to stay where I can see you!
She's okay.
No, she's not okay!
You scared the shit out of me!
Don't ever do that again!
Oh God, you okay?
Here, let me see.
Are you okay?
I'm so sorry.
Oh, oh.
What happened?
She fell in the lake.
Oh, my God.
She was just scared I think.
She got out of my sight for a second.
You left her alone?
No, she went up ahead.
Don't blame this on her.
She's the child.
I wasn't.
You're the adult, right?
You have to watch her every second.
All it takes is a second.
I know, I made a mistake.
You're not allowed to make mistakes like that
when you're a parent.
Right, I'm sorry, I won't let it happen again.
One, two, three, four.
Okay, I think you got me.
Did I get the wrong day?
We're having an impromptu play date.
This is our neighbor, Cheryl.
Bridget.
You two know each other?
Bridget and I were in the same
creative writing class at Northwestern.
I didn't know you went to Northwestern.
Just for a year.
It doesn't count.
Wait, are you in the neighborhood?
No.
Oh, we all thought Bridget was gonna be
the next Sylvia Plath.
You're a poet?
And severely depressed.
Well, when the nanny gets here,
we should go get some mommy juice.
I have to work.
Oh, well, call in sick.
I wanna hear what you've been up to.
I don't think my boss would like that.
I'm the nanny.
We couldn't survive without her.
That is so great.
Is that like your side hustle or something?
No, this is it.
Good for you.
That, hard to stay sad
when you're around kids all day.
Who's the active shooter?
Oh, that's my baby, Cortland.
He's in love with Franny.
So he shot her.
Would you like some tea?
I would love some more.
Oh, no, no, I'll, I'll get it.
I, I, no, that's fine.
A nanny, good for you.
I'm sorry?
Well, she is so much more expensive.
Is she cheaper because she doesn't have a degree?
He broke it.
I'm hungry.
Oh no.
Cortland, apologize.
I'm hungry!
We'll buy you another one, Franny, okay?
Ah, Bridget, could you run over to my house,
and make Cortland something to eat.
Oh no, we have snacks here.
No, we haven't got our allergy tests back yet,
so can't take any risks.
There's carrots in the refrigerator.
Just make sure you use
that fruit and veggie wash by the sink.
Thanks.
Take me with you.
Be right back.
Where you going?
To break one of his toys.
Oopsie.
♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
Let's keep walking.
I'm not tired.
You're always tired.
Not today.
Listen Annie, please, Annie!
Listen to, listen to me!
I said, see, this is what I'm talking about.
Have you ever been divorced?
No, have you?
No.
Henry's mom is getting a divorce from his dad,
and moving in with his karate teacher.
How do you know that?
Henry had to get a new car,
'cause Henry's dad drove their minivan
into the lake from sadness.
Henry's mom said it was only for attention.
And Henry had to quit karate.
If mommy and mama get divorced,
would I have to quit ice skating?
Okay, I might regret saying this,
but I don't think your parents
are gonna get divorced, Franny.
You really don't?
I really, really don't.
Promise they won't.
I can't do that,
but I have faith that it's not gonna go that way for them.
Like in God?
You can have faith in people too.
Has Maya been going to any regular appointments
that you know of?
Um, she went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago.
Just once?
I don't know.
How does she seem to you?
I mean you're here all the time and I ah, I can't be here,
and I just thought you might have some insight.
She's been pretty quiet,
but I don't know what's normal.
I do think that Maya is really overwhelmed,
and she could use some help.
Well, that's why you're here, right?
Thank you, ah, you can go home.
I've taken the rest of the day off.
Oh, I'll just say bye to Franny.
I can tell her.
Leaves are not very nutritious.
The sloths way of compensating for that is not to eat more,
but to do less.
It's claws hook over the branches,
so that the sloths can hang without any effort.
Can you help him?
I can't be near him.
I know.
There you go.
You remember how to do this, right?
Okay.
Your pacie.
If you need anything,
just say my name and I'll be right here, okay?
Is mommy okay?
She's just sick right now.
You know how you get sick sometimes?
And then you get better.
I think we should call Annie.
No, please.
But we need to do something.
You should talk to somebody who can help you.
I've been praying.
I know you don't believe in that.
That's what helps me.
I've been praying to the Virgin Mary.
What'd she say?
That I'm doing everything wrong,
or at least that's what I hear in my head.
My mom told me that when I was a baby,
she wanted to grab me by the ankles,
and slam my head against the wall.
She was very graphic.
And she said more women should talk about that,
because it's really fuckin' lonely.
Sorry, she didn't say fuck.
I just don't feel like myself.
That's not your fault.
I promised Franny I'd take her to the fireworks tonight.
Annie's working and taking both kids by myself.
Let me go with you.
You don't have plans with your friends?
You and Franny are my friends.
This will be fun.
We'll both take showers.
We'll get dressed up.
Shit, ah, sorry.
Oh, what happened?
I've been bleeding through my tampons.
Maybe I could borrow one of Wally's diapers tonight?
Take one of mine.
Since the birth, I've been peeing
whenever I sneeze, cough, or take a deep breath.
I peed a little just seconds ago.
And now.
Bridget.
Oh, someone's hungry.
Um, you know what?
I'll just feed him right here.
Yeah.
Oh, I know, it's okay.
Yeah, I know.
Almost, almost.
Yeah, I know, I know.
I know, I know, sweetie, I know.
Boo.
Boo, boo, boo.
Boo, boo, boo, boo to infinity.
Boo, boo.
Boo.
You're just the winner.
Hi, hi, excuse me.
Could you maybe find a restroom or go to your car.
Oh, um, there, there, there aren't any restrooms.
Well, maybe could you just put
a blanket over yourself?
What exactly is the problem?
There are families here.
My family's here.
Okay, but this is not your house,
so you can't just expose yourself whenever you want.
She's feeding her son.
Okay, well, maybe she could've thought about that
before she decided to go out in public.
Well, she's trying to get attention
from all the men here I'm thinking.
She's gay.
Um, you're the girlfriend?
Oh.
No, I'm the wife.
Oh, okay.
This is disgusting, both of you.
You know what, I really feel for your children, I do.
Hey, apologize to my family.
I'm sorry, for what?
For being a dick.
Oh, okay, hold on, hold on.
My kids are here.
So is mine.
And I think we have the responsibility to show them
that people can disagree and still be respectful.
Look, I apologize if I've offended you.
You have.
But I'm not sorry for feeding my son,
or loving my family in public.
Okay, well, you can just maybe not,
you just don't need to rub our face in it
when you're doing that.
It, it's okay, Franny, it's okay.
What did your moms teach you to do when you meet somebody?
I'm Frances.
What's your name?
Joan.
Like Joan Jett.
Ah, yes, mm hmm.
Cool.
I'm Maya, this is Bridget.
Come on, Mom, the fireworks are about to start.
Okay, I'm gonna go get something, okay?
All right.
Bye, Joan.
Enjoy the fireworks.
Yeah, you too.
That was the most badass thing I've ever seen.
Oh, my God, I think I might bust out.
Oh, my heart was going crazy.
Look, my hands are shaking.
♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
Give me that wine.
Here.
Franny, you were amazing.
You were amazing.
Wasn't your mama awesome?
♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
Are you ready, whoosh.
Can Bridget sleep over?
Um, if she wants to.
Yay!
I really want to.
And we could all sleep in the same bed.
Is Bridget spending the night?
Well, when did you get home?
Frances, go to bed.
I have to brush my teeth.
Skip it tonight.
My teeth will rot out.
Go.
Have you been drinking?
A half a glass of wine.
And you drove?
Yes, and I was completely sober.
It really was just half a glass.
Have you been drinking?
I wasn't driving.
You don't have to explain anything.
No, Maya was awesome tonight actually.
Awesome.
There was this woman who tried to
shame her for breastfeeding Wally.
Bridget.
No, you were amazing.
Amazing.
You were brave and strong and kind.
Annie, let's just go upstairs.
Are you having an affair?
Are you?
Of course not.
I'm gonna put him down.
If either of you say another word,
I will freak the fuck out, no talking.
Bridget.
I don't think we're supposed to talk right now.
Grow up, she's not your mom.
No, she's my friend.
That's not what we hired you for.
You hired me to take care of them, right?
Franny, we hired you to take care of Franny
and then to leave.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what's happening.
I feel like I'm failing my family.
Maya has postpartum depression,
and she won't talk to me about it.
She won't go see a doctor.
I think she feels like she's failing.
See and I'm so proud of her.
I am so proud of our family,
of what Maya and I have made.
Last week, I got an Uber.
The driver must've seen me hand Wally to Maya,
because when I got in the car,
the driver asked me if I was happy to be getting off work
from my babysitting job.
Said if I wanted to pick up any extra hours to call her.
Oh, God.
You know, we knew that kind of thing might happen,
and will probably continue to happen but,
we're prepared for that.
We talk through it.
But I wasn't prepared for this.
When I got home tonight,
I found some clothes with fresh blood on them,
and I thought for just a split second
that Maya had tried to maybe hurt herself or--
Oh, God, no, no, no.
Those are mine.
No, I had an abortion a couple of months ago,
and I've been bleeding off and on ever since,
and that's too mine, but no.
Have you been to the doctor?
I'm fine, I'm just really tired and weak all the time.
Well, you might, you might be anemic.
You need to go to the doctor.
You're not like horrified?
That no one around here
knows how to go to the doctor, yes.
That you had an abortion, no.
I don't even know why I'm crying.
I'm an agnostic feminist.
I said no talking, now you're crying?
I'll bring this back tomorrow.
No, keep it.
You look like a superhero, keep it.
Name this child.
Wallace Francisco Rodriguez Paulsen.
Wallace Francisco,
I baptize you in the name of the Father,
and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
♪ Try to hear her sooner ♪
♪ We were often too far gone ♪
♪ For making out the writings on the sand ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.
God, is that you?
My child.
Speak child.
Oh, okay, well,
bless me Father, for I have sinned,
it's been 21 years since my last confession.
What are your sins?
I don't have any, I'm perfect.
No, play right.
Okay, okay, I got one.
I faked my first confession.
What do you mean?
Well, when I got in there, the priest wasn't there yet,
and so I just had a conversation with myself,
and then I told everybody how amazing it was.
So you lied?
You lie a lot.
I do?
Yeah, why do you do that?
I think sometimes it feels better
to pretend to be somebody else.
Why?
Because I'm not, I'm not an impressive person.
I don't have like a husband or kids or a fancy job.
Do you have to have those things?
I don't know.
I know that I wanna be better than I am.
I wanna feel proud of myself.
I'm proud of you.
You are?
Yeah.
Why?
You try even when you're scared.
Like when?
Like gymnastics and ice skating and holding Wally,
and when that bully was mean to mommy.
I was scared then.
And you were brave.
I am proud of you.
I'm so proud of you, Franny.
I'm not Franny right now.
Oh, sorry.
Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh,
whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.
What're you doing?
Washing you clean.
Are there any other sins you need forgiven?
I mean probably a lot.
Like any big ones.
No.
In the name of the Father, and in the Son,
and in the Holy Spirit, amen.
Amen.
Hey, this is Jace.
Leave your name and number and I'll give you a call back.
Hey, it's Bridget.
I bled on you.
I think I do have some feelings.
I think I feel mostly relieved,
and I feel sad,
and I feel pissed that you didn't
have to go through it, not really.
You were there for me,
but your body didn't have to experience it,
and I'm pissed that I had to deal with it for so long.
And I feel worried that my parents
will never know this thing about me,
and that if they did, that they would be disappointed,
or that they would judge me.
And I'm worried that I might not ever
be able to get pregnant again because I'm 34.
I'm a year away from a geriatric pregnancy,
and, and what if this was my shot,
but then I think that's just what society wants me to think.
And then I think do I even want kids, and yes, I do.
But I don't think that was my kid.
I don't think that was my kid.
I don't even actually think it was a kid.
I think it was a pocket of cells,
and I feel pissed that anybody wants me to think it's a kid.
And mostly I'm worried about other people who have to--
Fuck.
This voicemail box is now full.
To send this message, press one.
To rerecord, press two.
To delete this message, press three.
This is Bridget.
I have feelings.
If you still wanna hear 'em, let me know.
Hello, hey, sorry.
Forgot to give these back.
You didn't have to come all this way.
That's okay, I don't know when I'll be up here again, so.
Thank you.
Okay, well, I'll see ya.
Stay for dinner, please.
Bless us, oh Lord, for these our gifts
which we are about to receive
from thy bounty, through Christ, our Lord, amen.
Amen.
Who wants this?
I'm okay, thank you.
Not me.
White meat.
Why not?
Peas?
Here.
Thank you.
That is a nice job, Franny.
Oh, the act of intimacy.
What happened to it, remember that?
Oh, yeah.
Bridget.
Can Bridget sleep over?
If she wants to.
Yay!
Cute.
That's me.
I have a lot of you.
Who are they?
Those are my parents.
You have parents?
Mm hmm and a little brother.
Just like you.
Mommy had a picture like this of Wally.
Did you have a baby?
No.
Do you want one?
I don't know.
Do you?
I don't know.
Franny, this is the best summer I've ever had.
Out of all 34?
Mm hmm.
I can't wait until next summer.
Time for school.
Ready, one, two, three.
Say goodbye to kindergarten.
Come stand up here.
Hello, first grade.
Have the best first day.
All right, I'll see you guys.
Goodbye.
Look, it's Joan.
Hi, Joan!
You ready?
What do we say?
I'm smart!
I'm brave!
I'm the coolest!
Now, growl like a tiger, ready?
Go in.
Put your backpacks in the cubbies,
and then go wash your hands,
and then you can come to the table to play.
Sure, I'll be right in.
Come on in.
Put your backpacks in the cubbies.
Bridget!
I found you!
Bridget, I really need you outside.
I love you.
What're you doing?
I'll tell you.
You'll tell me what?
When I get my period.
I'll call you and we could talk about it.
Franny, that's not gonna happen for a really long time.
But when it does, we could talk about it.
Because we'll still be friends, right?
Right.
Okay, you have to go back now, okay.
I know.
I know!
♪ I'm prepared and we're only halfway there ♪
♪ I was open like the door, it was only fair ♪
♪ And I left you every key, but I don't know where ♪