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(phone chimes)
(Julio Torres speaking Spanish)
(ethereal music playing)
Uh-huh.
Okay.
(speaks Spanish)
(architecture whirring)
(audience cheering, applauding)
Hi. Hi. Hello.
Hello.
(cheers and applause continuing)
Hi. Hi.
Hey. Hello.
Uh, my name is Julio.
I am from El Salvador.
I am an Aquarius,
and I am here to show you my favorite shapes.
I have a lot of shapes but not a lot of time.
So, we have to start immediately.
(laughter)
-Um... -(conveyor belt whirring)
The first shape that I want to show you...
um...
(laughter)
This shape-- I'm very excited that this shape is here.
But when I originally asked this shape
if he wanted to do the show,
he was like a little hesitant about it,
a little worried that we were gonna find him
to be mainstream, I guess?
But I'm like, what are you talking about?
Everyone... loves a square.
(laughter)
Some of you may be seeing a square
for the very, very first time right now.
-(laughter) -Some of you have seen a square before.
For those of you who don't know,
a square is roughly the shape of a door...
(laughter)
...but not quite.
(laughter)
It's a little bit more complicated than that.
(laughter)
In order for this show to happen,
a lawyer had to look at all of my shapes
and decide whether or not they were clearable for air.
(laughter)
She looked at every single one of them,
and after that process concluded,
completely unprompted and out of nowhere,
she goes, "And my favorite shape was the square."
(laughter)
Oh.
Beautiful little lawyer.
You think we have you all figured out, don't you?
(laughter)
The next shape that I need to show you...
is a rectangle having a really bad day.
(laughter)
This is an oval...
looking at his reflection at a pond...
-(laughter) -...wishing, oh just wishing, he were a circle.
(laughter)
The next shape is a sphere
who you may recognize for her current role
as a Ferrero Rocher chocolate.
(laughter)
Originally, we had booked a different Ferrero Rocher chocolate
to play this part, but then I was backstage
and I was like, "Places, places!" And like...
I'm sorry, but where's your little skirt?
(laughter)
And she was like, "No, I can do it."
(laughter)
No, honey, I know you can do it,
but if you're not in costume, I don't know what to tell you.
-(laughter) -And then this one was like,
-"I can do it." -(laughter)
It's a cruel, cruel business.
(laughter)
The next shape...
is a pyramid second.
But first, it is one of my favorite kinds of shapes,
which is, uh, clear
with a little animal trapped inside of it.
(laughter)
As I was preparing this show,
and I was deciding which shapes were gonna go in which order
and I was weighing out the pros and cons of all of them,
thinking which one of them were stars,
which ones were more supporting.
-(laughter) -And as I was just deciding all of that,
I thought, oh, I'm sorry. Is this one of the many good jobs
that I'm stealing from hardworking Americans?
-(laughter) -Because...
Look, I'm just doing it 'cause no one else was doing it
and it needed to be done.
(laughter)
But notice what happens to this shape
once you begin to expand on the same basic principle of it.
All of a sudden...
it turns into Tilda Swinton's apartment.
(laughter)
This is where the guests sleep.
(laughter)
And this tells them when it's time to go home.
(laughter)
The next shape that I want to show you...
is a very basic geometric shape.
It is the harp of time.
Be careful with the harp of time.
Don't play it too quickly,
or you might end up yesterday.
(laughter)
The next shape that I need to show you, um...
Oh, this is actually-- this is actually pretty simple.
This is me coming in late for a meeting
and immediately chiming in.
(laughter)
There's something about this shape that I should confess,
something that I have to come clean about.
And that is that this cactus
is not the first occupant of this vessel.
(laughter)
This vessel used to hold another cactus,
-but I killed it. -(laughter)
Turns out a cactus needs very little water,
sunlight,
and not a lot of shaking around the apartment.
(laughter)
And now, I have begun to fear
that this new cactus knows
that seconds before it arrived into my apartment,
I, with my bare hands,
excavated the corpse of his predecessor,
threw it out, wiped the vessel clean,
and said, "Oh, look, a new home for you."
(laughter)
And by the way, I can speak freely in front of this cactus
because he doesn't speak any English.
(laughter)
But I went through his diary...
(laughter)
...and I found this. (clears throat)
(ethereal music playing)
"I feel like I have been here before..."
(male voice speaking Spanish)
Julio: "Silly Cactus, we have a show to do."
(laughter)
(cheers and applause)
A fact about me...
is that I--
I wholeheartedly believe...
in reincarnation.
Because I know-- I just know in my heart that I was
the Trojan guard who saw the Trojan horse approach the gates...
(laughter)
...and was like, "Let it in."
(laughter)
"Oh my God, it's a big fucking beautiful horse!
"Open the gates and let it in.
No questions asked. I don't care."
(laughter)
Like any of you would see a big fucking beautiful horse
come to your apartment and you wouldn't let it in.
-No questions asked. -(laughter)
One of my very favorite TV shows growing up
was The Flintstones.
But there was always something that I found
a little puzzling about The Flintstones.
And that is that I would see so many scenes
with Fred and Barney hanging out.
And some scenes with Wilma and Betty hanging out.
And enough scenes with the couples
just doing their own thing.
But never once in the history of The Flintstones
was there a scene where Fred Flintstone
and his friend's wife Betty Rubble
had to be alone in the same room together.
(laughter)
This next scene explores what it would be like...
(laughter)
if Fred Flintstone and Betty Rubble
had to be alone in the same room together
for the first time in their lives.
(cartoonish music playing)
"Betty Rubble answered the door."
"It was none other than Fred Flintstone."
"'Oh, hi Fred. Are you looking for Barney?'"
'"Yeah. Is he around?'"
"'He just stepped out, but did you wanna--"
"'I'm sorry, did you want to wait inside?'"
"'Oh, so he's not here right now?'"
"'No, but did you wanna...?'"
"'Right. Um, yeah, sure.'"
"Both parties began to dread the small talk."
"'Oh, I'm sorry, Fred. No shoes in the house.'"
(laughter)
"'Excuse me?'"
"'No shoes in the house.'"
(scoffs) "'No, I... I heard you,
but literally no one wears shoes.'"
(laughter)
"'Seems kind of silly for that to be a rule.'"
"'Huh, well, I'm sorry you find me silly, Fred.'"
(laughter)
"'No, I don't think you're silly. I think the rule is silly,
"'because it's not a problem that you have.
Like, why would you even say that?'"
"'Okay, Fred. Next time I wanna say something,
I'll just ask you whether or not I can say it in my house.'"
(laughter)
(stammering): "'That is not what I'm saying.'"
"'And now you're raising your voice.'"
"'I don't think I'm raising my voice.'"
"'No, you are. You're screaming at me in my own house, Fred.'"
"'I am not.'" "'Fred. Fred. Fred...
"Why don't we just change the subject?'"
"The silence was potent.
You could hear a pterodactyl flying from miles and miles away."
(laughter)
(sighs)
"Yabba-dabba-doo."
(laughter and applause)
(cartoonish music plays)
So, um...
That little story wasn't so much about the shapes themselves
as it was about the negative space...
(laughter)
...surrounding the shapes.
Um... have you ever seen
the television show House Hunters ?
If you haven't seen House Hunters,
just allow yourself to have the most passive experience
a human being could possibly have.
Allow yourself to just be like...
(laughter)
"Oh, no garage. He's not gonna like that."
(laughter)
I had a dream about the television show House Hunters,
and in this dream I was a real estate agent
who had to show a client three different properties.
Except this client was a little hermit crab,
so I had to show him three different shells.
The first shell I showed him
was a really good shell, really good location right by the shore.
Move-in ready, but definitely a little over his budget.
The second shell I showed him, comfortably within his budget,
a bit of a fixer-upper,
a little farther away from the shore,
but definitely within reason.
And then the third shell I showed him...
was a ranch-style shell.
(laughter)
Do you remember...
the Disney animated film
The Hunchback of Notre Dame ?
It wasn't a hit, but it was there.
It's just sort of what we got that year.
(laughter)
Sometimes we get lions, sometimes we get genies,
sometimes we get a tender Parisian drama for the children.
(laughter)
But a part about that movie that really, really stayed with me
was its villain.
This withering, possibly-closeted,
deeply-troubled little man
named Monsignor Claude Frollo.
And during the peak of his narrative arc,
Monsignor Claude Frollo sings into the roaring flames of the fire
about his lust for the gypsy girl Esmeralda.
And in that moment, we see him turn lust
into misogyny, into essentially genocide.
Anyway, that was a Happy Meal toy.
(laughter)
(applause)
(laughter)
So, while some children were playing
with like a Ninja turtle or a Transformer,
others were like, "Oh, yeah, mine is this sort of"
"like, medieval court justice.
"Uh, he's morally bankrupt.
"Uh, there's a lot of self-hate in him.
"And that combined with power just makes him lash out
"in really toxic and scary ways.
And sometimes, I don't know, I put him in a little car."
(laughter)
Um, my favorite color is clear.
(laughter)
I love the color clear.
And I distinctly remember the moment
where I was confronted for my love with the color clear.
That was when I saw for the very first time in my life
Cinderella's pretty little feet
go into that glass slipper.
When I saw that, I was like,
"What is that?"
(laughter)
"Mother, let's rewind."
(laughter)
And she'd be like, "Rewind to what?"
I'm like, "You know to what."
(laughter)
"Show me the shoe."
(laughter)
But something that I've been thinking a lot about recently,
and it didn't hit me until a few days ago--
Okay, remember that scene in Cinderella
where she has to rush out of the ball because it's midnight,
and she leaves behind the glass slipper.
Then the prince finds the shoe,
and this is all he has left of her.
But presumably there's a scene where the prince takes the shoe,
and he goes to his subjects and he goes,
"Have every maiden in the kingdom try this on
until you find the girl I met at the ball."
But I bet they were like...
-"Or..." -(laughter)
"You could just come with us and look at their faces."
(laughter)
And the prince was probably like,
(scoffs)
"Okay, but how would we use the shoe?"
(laughter)
Just because you have a tool doesn't mean you have to use it.
(laughter and applause)
I don't know if you can tell,
but as a child I really loved playing with toys.
This might have been something that maybe would've hit you tomorrow,
-but I'm telling you now. -(laughter)
My happiest moments were really just
me by myself in my room playing.
And something that would happen sometimes is that
we had this dog who... I was so-so on.
-And it was mutual. -(laughter)
And this dog-- this puppy at this time--
would chew on some of my toys.
And I would come back and find them disfigured.
Whenever that happened,
my mother would rush to the store
and find the exact same one.
And then I would perform a little ritual...
that I, in my head, called the "transference."
(laughter)
Where I would take the soul of my old friend...
(laughter)
...and whoosh it away from its body
and deposit it onto its new vessel.
And then I'd be like, "Great! I can play again."
(laughter)
(applause)
My parents really did encourage me...
to just truly believe that like anything was possible,
which I think that that was connected
to just, like, me being in my little room, like,
pretending to be different things.
But that encouragement really, really, really backfired
when I told them that I wanted to move to the United States
to pursue... uh, this.
(laughter)
And now we go on a little journey.
-(visor chimes) -(laughter)
(laughter)
Follow me.
(cheering and applause)
Something fun about these
is that these aren't so much video glasses
because they have a slight delay.
So, they're not so much video glasses
as they are a window...
-into the past. -(laughter)
And why does he wear them you ask.
Well, because if I didn't wear them,
how would you know what happened from there to here?
(laughter)
-How am I ever gonna know? -(laughter)
But now I'm here.
I have traveled. Hello.
(applause)
I will now very abruptly do some impressions at you.
(laughter)
Okay.
Here's the first one. (clears throat)
"Do not rush me!
The water will be ready when it's ready!"
-(laughter) -That is...
-a Brita filter. -(laughter)
You know, Brita filters, they're not...
they're not seamstresses, they're designers.
You need to give them time to do what they do.
And often you'll come back and be like, "Well, is it ready?"
And it's like, "No, you gotta let an artist do what an artist does."
(laughter)
Okay, here's another one. (clears throat)
(scoffs) "Okay, well, I'm sorry if you don't like what I do,
"and I'm sorry if you don't like what I stand for.
"But I actually keep the economy going, and my job is pretty important.
"I'm sorry if you can't handle that, but we live in
a nation of laws, and rules are rules.
I'm sorry if you can't handle that."
-That is... -(laughter)
That nasty little curtain that divides first class from coach.
(laughter)
And look, I understand that it's a job
and that some curtain has to do it.
But to be a curtain and pick that as your curtain job,
it's like, "Who are you? Why?"
(laughter)
And I bet that if you were to talk to this curtain,
the curtain would be like, "Well, you know, I wanted to be in theater,
but things don't always work out."
(laughter)
But at least that curtain is sort of serving a purpose
that I don't fully agree with, but it is doing something.
To me, though, the most utterly psychotic
of all the curtains in the world...
are the curtains that are hung in a basement...
as to give the illusion of a window.
(laughter)
Curtains that tell you,
"Well, we don't know. There might be a window."
But it's like, "No, we know."
(laughter)
"What are you doing?"
That is religion right there.
(laughter and applause)
It's just this whole thing of like,
"Well, you know, actually there might be something."
It's like, "There isn't."
(laughter)
And as soon as we acknowledge that,
we can live a happy life and move on.
(cheering and applause)
But going back to the curtain that divides first class from coach,
I was on this flight, not long ago,
and it was a very small airplane.
You could tell that it had been remodeled
so as to accommodate first class,
that the original design of the airplane
had only coach seats.
But when they built in the first class,
they left one flaw,
which is that the first row of coach seats,
the second seat on that first row
didn't have a first-class seat directly in front of it.
But it actually had the hallway.
I was sitting on that seat.
And when the flight attendant came over
and she drew the curtain dividing the people,
the curtain fell right in front of my face,
like I was this little secret for first class.
And when it crossed my legs, my knee gently caressed the curtain,
causing it to fall.
(laughter)
So, then the flight attendant came over
and reattached the curtain very quickly.
And then I said, "The curtain's just gonna fall all over again"
"the second I make the slightest movement.
Can you please not put it up?"
And then she goes...
-"No, we-- we have to." -(laughter)
And I'm like, "Well, okay, but I'm just gonna make the slightest movement again",
"and the curtain's just gonna fall all over again.
Can we please not put it up?"
And she goes, "No, we have to."
(laughter)
And then I asked...
-"Why?" -(laughter)
And in her eye...
I saw flowers blooming, meteors falling,
and animals decomposing.
(laughter)
And suddenly, she was free.
(laughter)
-She had been released. -(cheering and applause)
These next shapes I'm so excited to show you.
(laughter)
So, I went to the zoo recently,
and I was very underwhelmed by the silhouettes
-that I saw at the zoo. -(laughter)
It just felt like more of the same,
like all these animals I've seen before.
So, I am going to present this zoo
with ideas for new animals for them to make.
(laughter)
The first idea is how about...
a swan with a neck so, so long
that he must drag his head behind him.
(laughter)
Beauty is a curse.
(laughter)
And this swan knows that very, very well.
Or how about a flamingo that's like,
"You know what? I'm just gonna use both legs."
(laughter)
Or a platypus that's like,
"Bisexuality is real, and so am I."
(laughter)
Or how about a little porcupine who removed all of his quills
so as not to hurt his non-porcupine lover?
And now he looks at his reflection
and can no longer recognize himself.
(laughter)
These are all Happy Meal toys, too, by the way.
(laughter)
So, some kids are gonna be like,
"Oh, yeah, I got the porcupine that compromised
to the extent where now he can't even recognize himself."
And another kid's gonna be like,
"Oh, I got the snake who's like
addicted to buying shoes online, even though she can't wear them,
and at first it's kind of funny, but then it gets really sad.
(laughter)
And lastly, how about a clam
who is way in over his head
because he misrepresented himself at a job interview
-as an oyster. -(laughter)
So, now the clam is at work, and the boss is like,
"Great! We'll just need a pearl by the end of the day."
(laughter)
And the clam is like, "I..."
-Yeah, okay." -(laughter)
"Mm-hmm." "One? One round?"
"Yeah, just go back to your computer
and, uh, make the pearl."
"And how do you-- oh, no, I know how to do it.
Got it." "Okay, great."
(laughter)
And for this presentation for the zoo, by the way,
I am very well-prepared
because I have also made...
their shadows and their souls.
(laughter)
-Because I don't want the zoo to say... -(applause)
"Oh, these are great, but I have no idea
what their shadows or their souls would be like."
And I was like, "Well, I'm not crazy.
-I make them." -(laughter)
I really feel a connection to that clam,
because I've tried to take so many jobs here in America
just wildly misrepresenting what I could or could not do.
Because I was just so desperate
to stay here and get a work visa.
And there was this one job interview that I went to,
but then the job interview was going bad
because the interview is for sales.
And I'm saying things like,
"Well, you know, I've bought things before,
"so doing the opposite would be fun...
-(laughter) -...for me."
And then there's this long, long silence at the job interview.
And I'm panicking and I'm thinking,
I-- I need to get some job.
I need to get something.
'Cause if I don't, it's just gonna cause
this domino effect that I can't think about.
I have to get this woman to like me.
I have to get her to like me.
I have to say something that will turn it around.
And then, I look at her, straight in the eye,
and out of nowhere I say...
"I love corporations."
(laughter)
That is by far the darkest thing I have ever said in my life.
(laughter)
And it haunts me.
It haunts me to this very day.
(laughter)
But, you know, it all worked out at the end,
because I didn't get any of those jobs.
But I ended up getting a visa
that claims I'm an alien of extraordinary ability.
-(cheers and applause) -The ability includes this.
-(ethereal music playing) -(laughter)
(Julio chuckles)
That's for me.
(laughter and applause)
A problem that I often face is that I'll sit down
and try to write and try to come up with things to say
and try to come up with material.
But something that has been happening to me a lot
is that I'll sit down, wanting to write
and then I'll end up accidentally just fully-sketching
another gorgeous bridal collection.
(laughter)
Because I have never in my life seen
a wedding dress that I actually liked.
So I sit down and I'm like, "Well, maybe it's a pant."
And then I have to be like, "No, Julio, this is not your problem."
(laughter)
This is somebody else's cross to bear.
However, though, there is a garment
that I've been meaning to design.
It's not a wedding dress, but how about...
a cape for a queen that is so, so long
that she doesn't know there's another queen at the end of it.
(laughter)
But the cape has to be so, so long
that they have no idea.
Except every now and then, they feel a little tug,
and they might wonder what it is or they might ignore it,
but then the curious queen will be the one who turns around,
follows the cape, and changes her life forever.
There are two kinds of queens in this world:
the queen that follows the cape and the queen that does not.
I made that up right now. (poofs) I have returned.
(laughter and applause)
I have often been called "too niche."
-(laughter) -To which I'll say,
I have no idea what you could possibly be talking about.
(laughter)
I have purchased chairs for all of my crystals.
(laughter)
Because I don't know if crystals actually work,
but, just in case,
I got them all chairs and little desks.
(laughter)
So, they don't have an excuse.
(laughter)
(chuckles) I'm just a little alien
playing with my toys,
but this time to a captive audience.
(laughter)
Um, as a child, I distinctly remember
learning how to write.
And I distinctly remember learning how to write the letter E,
because me and the Es
became this ongoing parent-teacher conference saga.
Where-- okay, you know what an E is, right?
You've seen an E before?
But when I would watch the teacher write the letter E,
I'd be like, okay, I see what she did.
She created the frame,
which are sort of the rules that we must respect
in order to live in a society.
But within those boundaries, she drew in a little stick.
And I was like, okay,
but what if I--
I mean, could I just maybe...?
(laughter)
So, I would treat Es on a case-by-case basis.
(laughter)
I'd be writing and I'd be like,
oh, this one wants two, this one wants five.
Oh, this one's 18, this one feels like it wants 18.
And my teacher was like,
"Okay, Julio, that's really interesting,
but you gotta write an E and move on."
Or, you know, "You can't have a sentence like,
(speaking Spanish)
It'd be ten days of labor for you."
(laughter)
And you know what? I get it, I...
I understand how you live in the real world,
and I understand that sometimes a thing is just a thing
and you have to move on,
and you just gotta see it for what it is.
But frankly-- I'm sorry-- but that is the kind of thinking
that got that man elected.
(laughter)
(applause)
My least, least favorite shape
is someone telling me, "It is what it is."
(laughter)
This is Helena Bonham Carter.
(laughter)
Shakira.
(laughter)
And this...
Oh, where are you going?
No! No, no, no, no, no.
Come here. (sighs) So delicate.
You know, it's because he is so beautiful
that he can get away with being so shy.
Because he knows that no matter what, the camera will love him.
It's like, shh, shh! So shy!
Anyway, this is Timothée Chalamet.
(laughter)
Timothée doesn't want to be in the show right now. Okay.
Have you ever met someone who is so young
and so attractive and so confident
but so utterly clueless about the way the world works?
But because they're so young, so confident, and so attractive,
you just know that the world will just be handed to them?
(sighs) This is Josh.
(laughter)
The confidence at his age is like... how?
(laughter)
Josh came up to me after a show, and he was like, "Hey",
"you know, just so you know, I really like what you're doing
and I'd love to get involved in any way that I can."
And I'm thinking, I have nothing to offer you.
(laughter)
But anyway, he's my social media intern now.
(laughter)
It's like, okay, I don't know why,
but I feel compelled to give you things.
(laughter)
Um...
This is Rob.
Rob is my immigration attorney.
(laughter)
And this right here, this is Dylan Cabrera.
Uh, Dylan works in--
I always forget. Merchandising, I think,
the last time we spoke.
And Dylan and Rob, they're a couple.
Uh, they live...
in this gorgeous, gigantic loft
-in Tribeca. -(laughter)
Uh, because I think Dylan comes from money.
Uh, it's just one of those things
where you walk into the loft and you're like,
okay, so you're an immigration attorney
and you do merchandising sometimes.
-And the loft happens how? -(laughter)
Um...
But we don't ask questions, but, uh...
I don't know if you can see, but Dylan here,
he doesn't have much of a beak.
And that's because he had a very large, very prominent beak,
that he was a little self-conscious about,
so he got it removed.
When he came back to the loft that night after the surgery,
Rob was there, and Dylan was like,
"Well? What do you think?"
(laughter)
And Rob was like...
"No, I like it..."
(laughter)
And Dylan was like, "No, you like it?"
And Rob was like, "Well..."
I mean, I don't know. Your--
Your beak was big,
but your beak was... it was you.
And Dylan is like, "Exactly! My beak was me,
"my beak was a part of my body, so I don't feel like you can
just walk into a room and police what I do with my body.
-And Rob is like, "Sweetie..." -(laughter)
"Sweetie, I love you the old way,
"I love you the new way.
Let's just go to bed."
(laughter)
Anyway, they're engaged.
(laughter)
So, um, good luck with all of that.
This is...
Jessica.
(laughter)
Jessica is from L.A.
(laughter)
-Jessica works in P.R. -(laughter)
Jessica begins and ends every single e-mail with ASAP.
(laughter)
-Everything is ASAP. -(laughter)
Um...
And, wait, hold on. I'm sorry.
If I can just go back to the whole...
Dylan and Rob mess for a second.
(laughter)
And that is, that with all the conflicts that they have
and all the baggage that you can feel
and the toxicity that's between them as a couple,
they met this young, beautiful thing right here.
-(laughter) -His name is Tristan, of course.
And now they brought him into their relationship,
so there's this "polyamorii" triad thing.
And it's like, great, you know what?
2019, you do you.
But also, he's 22.
(laughter)
You know what? Whatever. We're all gonna be there at the wedding,
and none of us are gonna say a damn thing about anything.
(laughter)
I should preface this by saying...
that I have nothing but love for all of my shapes.
I-- and I mean it.
(sighs) But there is just something about this shape...
and I can't quite put my finger on it.
But every time I see it...
(laughter)
I'm just like, no.
(laughter)
No.
Just like, absolutely not.
(laughter)
His name is Eric.
He's very sweet and he means well,
but I don't-- like, some--
like, every group has the one, I guess.
And like, sometimes my shapes and I after a show,
we like grab a drink and we're having fun.
And then I'm like having a glass of wine,
and then I turn around and it's like...
"Hey."
(laughter)
And I'm like, "Hey, Eric.
How's your night going?"
He's like, "I'm sorry, what?"
It's like, "How's your-- don't make me--
like, I don't know!"
(laughter)
But you know, Eric,
even though all of it, I...
I do have a lot of love for him,
because it is thanks to Eric that I have met a true star.
(laughter)
The second I saw her, I thought...
Game over.
(laughter)
The star power is palpable and it fills up the room.
-(drumroll) -Please allow me to introduce...
Krisha.
(laughter)
(applause and cheering)
Now, let's introduce her again, but in the very same way
that Kate Winslet was introduced in Titanic .
-(flute music playing) -When Kate laid eyes on the boat for the very first time.
(laughter and applause)
-Krisha. -(laughter)
I obviously adore Krisha.
And I like her so much that I am helping her with a TV show.
(laughter)
And this TV show would be semi-autobiographical,
and it would follow Krisha's journey,
beginning with getting cheated on in the D.R.
Deciding that she's had it with that man,
she packs her bags and she moves to Miami
to pursue her passion of fashion.
-(laughter) -But is the Miami market ready for little dresses
that are actually to Krisha's size?
(laughter)
We'll find out in the show as Krisha juggles love,
relationships, fashion, and her faith.
(laughter)
Krisha's faith was not originally a part of the concept,
and, frankly, some of the rants get a little dicey.
Some of the rants, I'm like, okay, but you know that...
You know that I am, right?
And you also know that the guy who did your makeup is--
okay, well, I love you anyway.
The title of the show you ask.
Mundo de Krisha.
(laughter)
Oh my God.
This next shape...
might be my favorite part of this entire show.
Might be the reason why this show even exists to begin with.
I shudder to think what would happen
if this shape were to fall in the wrong hands.
(laughter)
If you have never seen one of these in action before...
-get ready. -(laughter)
One, two...
(toy squeaking)
(laughter)
We rehearsed this.
(laughter)
And then I get here and I'm like, "Do you guys wanna run it?"
They're like, "No, we got it. Uh-uh, uh-uh..."
Regardless...
I've got nothing-- nothing but love
for the penguins and their world.
But especially this one right here.
That blue one in the middle.
I love him so much that he's inspired
a little something I'm about to read to you.
(laughter)
(clears throat)
-(piano music playing) -"The blue penguin loved being
"a part of the playful penguin race
more than anything else in the world."
Male voice: The excitement of going up the stairs,
down the loops,
and maybe, just maybe
winning one day was all I had.
But everything changed the day I realized
I was racing on a preset track.
The black penguin ahead of me,
the red one behind me,
and nothing I could do about it.
The game was designed so I'd come in second place forever.
The black penguin celebrated his victories
as though they were his own.
The red thought he just wasn't trying hard enough.
And so I was suddenly all alone
in this deeply solitary awakening.
That was the day that the playful penguin race...
-(lightning crashes) - ...became hell.
(laughter)
So, really the toy is more of an allegory
for the middle class, I guess.
(laughter)
This next shape...
(laughter)
He's making fun of me.
(laughter and applause)
He's making fun of me.
That's a big swing for someone you barely know.
(laughter)
Ha-ha, I guess.
My very, very favorite
cartoon character, though, growing up, my hero
was Daisy Duck.
(laughter)
Daisy Duck, of course,
being the supporting actress of the Mickey gang.
Right? She didn't get a lot of screen time,
but when she did, she earned it.
(laughter)
My parents took me to Disney World one time.
And to me, it was just a pilgrimage
to finally meet Daisy.
And we go into the park, and we see Mickey's house.
And we go inside of it and I greet Mickey,
and I'm like, "Okay, we'll wrap it up
-'cause we're going to Daisy's." -(laughter)
And then we go into Donald's, and Donald is there.
And he greets me, he greets my family.
It's like, "This is very nice. Thank you for having us,
but we're running late. I'm going to Daisy's."
And then I see Daisy's door.
And I am so, so excited that it's finally gonna happen.
And I walk over to the door,
and I see the big, beautiful, bulbous doorknob.
And I reach towards it,
and I twist,
and then I pull.
But the door won't open.
I pull and I pull and I pull, but the door just won't open.
So, then I look at my mother, just panicking
because the door is not opening.
And then she explains to me
that it was all just a facade.
In that moment, I became an atheist.
(laughter)
She released me.
(laughter)
-(applause) -And I-- I understand.
Look, I'm not crazy.
-(laughter) -I understand that the park has to end at some point.
I understand that it can't be infinite,
and I understand that maybe there wasn't enough budget
to build the home for a pretty minor--
-even though iconic-- character. -(laughter)
I get all of that.
But I feel like they were operating under the notion
that the world is actually pretty simple,
so we might as well just lie to a kid
with a door that goes nowhere.
(laughter)
If I had designed the park,
I would've created a miniature interior of Daisy's house
and put it behind the little keyhole.
So that when the bizarre little child comes up to the door...
(laughter)
...and looks through the keyhole,
they'll feel that even though
they don't have complete access to everything yet,
and even though you can't see everything all at once,
there is something so beautiful just out of reach.
-This is all in an e-mail I've sent to them several times. -(laughter)
-But I keep waiting... -(applause)
...for them to reply one of these days.
'Cause I'm like, "Hey, just checking in on Daisy's door."
(laughter)
Of course, what was frustrating about Daisy's door
is because something was presented as just that and nothing more.
The world was explained to me by oversimplifying it.
But I don't like simple.
(laughter)
I'm sorry, what is that, you're wondering.
This is a stiletto-shaped display
for a miniature stiletto collection.
(laughter)
-I feel seen by this object. -(laughter)
Note that none of the shoes involved are to scale.
(laughter)
This is what I feel like when somebody casually asks,
"So, what do you do?" And I'm like, "Oh, well,
"it's actually pretty simple.
"I'm just like a big shoe that is for little shoes.
"And I do have a purpose
"if you have a miniature shoe collection
"that you want displayed in a bigger shoe."
"So, yeah, a visa for that."
"That's, uh, sort of what I bring to the table."
Yeah, pretty-pretty-pretty straightforward actually.
(laughter)
Now I'll read to you a little monologue by the shoe.
(laughter)
"Who am I even for?"
(saxophone playing melancholy melody)
Female voice: Am I for the little shoes?
Or are the little shoes for me?
I am an idea on top of an idea.
Look at the little shoes marching down to my toe.
If I'm alive, are they?
I am what happens when no one says no.
I sit by the window and watch other shoes go by,
real shoes, with real lives, with real purpose.
Have you seen that show
The Assassination of Gianni Versace,
where Penelope Cruz, a Spanish actress with a Spanish accent,
played an Italian but does it all in English?
I am that.
I'm complicated.
I'm difficult to explain and impossible to draw.
"I am alive."
(applause)
And now, our next shape...
What? What do you want?
I already dealt with you.
I guess that's it.
I have no control over how many shapes are back there.
(laughter)
But what do you...? Ah, yes, yes, I see.
-(laughter) -Look what you've been hiding all along.
-(pastoral music playing) -(birds twittering)
(high-heels clicking)
Julio: Unless there are any questions...
(laughter)
I think we're done here.
Thank you so much for coming.
Good night. Bye.
(cheering and applause)
(ethereal music playing)
(cheers and applause continuing)
♪ ♪