1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:07,132 --> 00:00:08,341 [host] The Hangover... 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:09,426 [cheering] 5 00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,011 Community... 6 00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:13,096 Dr. Ken... 7 00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:15,348 Crazy Rich Asians... 8 00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:18,685 Give it up for Ken Jeong! 9 00:00:19,644 --> 00:00:21,646 [crowd cheering] 10 00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:41,249 [rock song playing in the background] 11 00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:56,931 ♪ I said the joker is a wanted man ♪ 12 00:00:57,515 --> 00:01:00,643 -[mouthing along] -♪ He makes his way all across the land ♪ 13 00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:03,271 ♪ See him sifting through the sand ♪ 14 00:01:03,354 --> 00:01:04,814 ♪ So I'll tell you all the story ♪ 15 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,816 ♪ About the joker  and the thief of the night ♪ 16 00:01:10,779 --> 00:01:11,696 [music stops] 17 00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:13,782 Oooooh! 18 00:01:14,657 --> 00:01:16,034 Goddamn! 19 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:17,994 Goddamn! 20 00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:20,830 Thank you so much! 21 00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:23,291 [crowd screaming] 22 00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:29,964 Fuck! 23 00:01:31,132 --> 00:01:34,052 Oh, my God, I don't even know what to say. 24 00:01:34,135 --> 00:01:35,887 -This is-- -[woman] I love you, Ken! 25 00:01:35,970 --> 00:01:37,472 I love you too, bitch. 26 00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:39,974 I do. 27 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:44,771 This is my first... 28 00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:47,273 This is my first stand-up special ever. 29 00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:48,858 So, thank you, guys. 30 00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:50,652 -[crowd cheering] -Ever! 31 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:54,948 This is the club where I got my start, man! 32 00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:58,201 It's... The Ice House is like, amazing. 33 00:01:58,743 --> 00:02:00,203 We're like family. 34 00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:05,500 I wanted to do my first Netflix special in a club 35 00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:08,711 because every Netflix special you fucking see is in an auditorium. 36 00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:10,797 It's in a big theater. 37 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:15,051 And, I tell you, live comedy begins in the motherfucking clubs. 38 00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:17,762 We want to keep that shit real! 39 00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:19,430 Club folk. 40 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:23,059 And it's an honor for me to entertain the lowers. 41 00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,102 Now... 42 00:02:24,352 --> 00:02:26,354 [crowd laughing] 43 00:02:30,775 --> 00:02:31,818 [Ken imitates laugh] 44 00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:38,658 Anyway, some people may know this, some people not... 45 00:02:38,741 --> 00:02:41,077 I used to be a doctor... 46 00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:46,499 ...at Kaiser-fucking-Permanente. 47 00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,168 [crowd cheers] 48 00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:57,093 And then I said, "Fuck that shit! 49 00:02:57,177 --> 00:03:00,054 I'll be naked and famous in a movie, 50 00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:02,056 make some moolah." 51 00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:06,853 And that is what makes America great. Am I right, guys? 52 00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:09,772 My God! My God! 53 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,653 I was a general practitioner, all right? 54 00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:18,573 We are the dumbest of all doctors, all right? 55 00:03:18,656 --> 00:03:21,659 Like, in general, we knew nothing. We're stupid, okay? 56 00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:24,120 Like, if a patient came up to me and said, "What do I have?" 57 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,706 "Well, in general, you're sick, so I'll refer you to a specificist." 58 00:03:26,789 --> 00:03:27,749 Do you know what I mean? 59 00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:30,752 "I don't know. See someone else. I'm a day drunk, all right? 60 00:03:31,085 --> 00:03:32,295 Welcome to Kaiser." 61 00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:33,379 Anyway... 62 00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:43,556 I'm kidding. Dude, Dr. Ken, that show I was on... 63 00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:46,517 I modeled that HMO after Kaiser. 64 00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:48,102 Dude, everything about Kaiser... 65 00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:51,105 I owe my livelihood to Kaiser Permanente. 66 00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:54,025 Actually, I met my wife at work, all right? 67 00:03:54,108 --> 00:03:55,193 She's a doctor. 68 00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:56,319 She's Vietnamese. 69 00:03:56,444 --> 00:04:00,198 Doctor... Last name, "Ho." I'm not fucking making that shit up. 70 00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:04,285 I married a "Ho," okay? 71 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,412 [crowd cheers] 72 00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:09,332 Dude, that's like a wet dream to a comic. 73 00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:12,919 I can say anything the fuck I want, and it's street-legal, 74 00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:13,836 you know what I mean? 75 00:04:14,128 --> 00:04:16,506 "Get in the car, Ho!" I can say that. 76 00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:19,842 "Make me some rice, Ho!" 77 00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:21,594 [crowd laughs] 78 00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:24,097 "You complete me, Ho." You know? 79 00:04:28,017 --> 00:04:30,770 I can say that because I'm sensitive, by the way. 80 00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:34,315 And Koreans, we're the most sensitive people on the fucking planet. 81 00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:36,734 Where are the Koreans in the house? Koreans in the house? 82 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:38,236 [scattered cheering] 83 00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:42,365 Yeah, we are the hottest-tempered of all Asians. 84 00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:43,866 We are the angriest of all the... 85 00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:45,702 [Ken speaks in Korean] 86 00:04:45,868 --> 00:04:47,870 That means "Hello" in Korean. 87 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:51,124 [Ken speaks in Korean] 88 00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:57,547 All right, so... 89 00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:58,840 You're Vietnamese? 90 00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:00,550 Just out of curiosity, what's your last name? 91 00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:01,467 -Ho. -Ho. 92 00:05:01,592 --> 00:05:03,594 [crowd laughs] 93 00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:27,535 Don't you ever upstage me again, Ho. 94 00:05:28,828 --> 00:05:31,372 Don't you ever be funnier than me, Ho. 95 00:05:33,624 --> 00:05:37,170 How dare you? This is my Netflix special, Ho! 96 00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:39,589 [crowd laughs] 97 00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:45,261 What's your first name? 98 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,763 -What's your first name? -Tran. 99 00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:49,766 Is your real name-- Is your first name "Tran"? 100 00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:52,060 My wife's fucking first name is Tran! 101 00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:56,064 -Really? -Yeah, my wife's fucking first name 102 00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:58,274 is Tran-fucking-Ho! 103 00:05:58,399 --> 00:06:00,401 [crowd laughs] 104 00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:05,239 What do you do for a living? And if you say "doctor," 105 00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:08,076 I'm going to fuck myself, all right? 106 00:06:08,242 --> 00:06:09,535 You're not a doctor, right? 107 00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:12,497 Fuck me. 108 00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:21,047 [crowd cheering] 109 00:06:23,591 --> 00:06:25,426 -What the fuck? Is your last-- -Ho. 110 00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:28,054 Your last-- Are you fucking kidding me? 111 00:06:28,137 --> 00:06:30,223 Your last name is fucking "Ho"? 112 00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:32,975 Fuck you Hos, all right? 113 00:06:33,851 --> 00:06:34,852 Fuck the Hos! 114 00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:37,563 Someone in the back is fucking with me right now. 115 00:06:38,147 --> 00:06:41,984 Because there's Hos to the left of me, Hos to the right of me. 116 00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:46,280 And my real-life wife, Ho, is in the fucking back! 117 00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:48,491 This is like... 118 00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:50,493 [crowd claps] 119 00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:53,246 Are you fucking kidding me? 120 00:06:54,705 --> 00:06:57,667 This is a Bizarro Ho universe. 121 00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,169 I don't know what's going on. 122 00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:03,881 Your last name is also "Ho"? 123 00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:05,216 Are you Vietnamese? 124 00:07:05,299 --> 00:07:06,259 -No. -Oh, good. 125 00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:08,052 Thank God, okay. All right. 126 00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:09,971 It wasn't a complete setup. 127 00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:11,889 -What nationality are you? -Singaporean. 128 00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:13,349 Singaporean! 129 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,435 [crowd cheers] 130 00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:18,938 Crazy-rich Asians in the motherfucker! 131 00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:23,443 Fucking Crazy Rich Asians fans! 132 00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:24,652 Singapore! 133 00:07:25,486 --> 00:07:27,196 Fuck me, man! 134 00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:31,701 Thank you, man. 135 00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:35,580 Crazy Rich Asians, or as we call it, "Yellow Panther." 136 00:07:35,663 --> 00:07:36,622 Now... 137 00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:43,296 Or "Golden Retriever." I'll think of... 138 00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:45,631 I'll figure out the animal. "Yellow Kitty." 139 00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,550 No, too on the nose. Now... 140 00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:49,469 My God. 141 00:07:50,386 --> 00:07:51,846 Fucking Vietnamese... 142 00:07:51,929 --> 00:07:55,308 I tell you, the way they talk is just a little bit... 143 00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:56,934 A little feyish, a little dandy. 144 00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:59,312 [Ken speaking in foreign language] 145 00:07:59,937 --> 00:08:01,397 You know what I'm saying, right? 146 00:08:03,774 --> 00:08:06,986 Vietnamese is Koreans on weed. That's all I'm saying, okay? 147 00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:13,659 [Ken speaking in foreign language] 148 00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:21,834 And that is how I came up with Chow. 149 00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:22,752 Now... 150 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,754 [crowd laughs and claps] 151 00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:26,756 [Ken imitates laughter] 152 00:08:29,717 --> 00:08:34,222 I actually would sprinkle in Vietnamese just to make my wife laugh. 153 00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:37,975 In the movie, in the first Hangover, when we release Black Doug, 154 00:08:38,142 --> 00:08:40,561 that's all Vietnamese, where I say... 155 00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:44,273 They thought that means, "Release Black Doug." 156 00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:46,150 It actually means in Vietnamese, "Chicken, die." 157 00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:47,276 So, it was like... 158 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,363 I really was doing stuff to make the Ho laugh, so... 159 00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:52,156 [crowd laughs] 160 00:08:53,157 --> 00:08:55,243 And it's equal-opportunity Hos. 161 00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:57,453 You can laugh at that joke, too. 162 00:09:00,414 --> 00:09:01,249 For my first movie... 163 00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:03,918 I actually booked this while working at Kaiser. 164 00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:07,797 ...was Knocked Up, that was directed by Judd Apatow and Seth Rogen. 165 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,048 Thank you! 166 00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:10,758 The first movie I ever did, 167 00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:15,930 and I shot that shit while still having my day job. 168 00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:19,642 I shot that during a vacation week because I'm a good fucking Asian. 169 00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:20,851 You know what I mean? 170 00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:23,145 I'm responsible. 171 00:09:29,443 --> 00:09:34,031 And it was the most creatively fulfilling experience of my life at that time, 172 00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:35,449 because I got to work with everybody. 173 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:37,535 Anybody who's anybody is in that movie, dude. 174 00:09:37,618 --> 00:09:39,996 You had Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, Leslie Mann, 175 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:44,542 Jonah Hill, Jason Segel, Martin Starr of Silicon Valley, 176 00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:47,420 Craig Robinson, Charlyne Yi... 177 00:09:47,503 --> 00:09:49,380 You had, like,  Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig... 178 00:09:49,463 --> 00:09:52,466 It was The Avengers of comedy, that's what that shit was. 179 00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:55,761 And I swear to God, the first time I shot my last day of filming, 180 00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:57,221 it was such a dream. 181 00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:59,265 Judd Apatow said to me, he goes, 182 00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:01,475 "You are my discovery. You did such a great job. 183 00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:04,228 I'm going to put you in all of my movies." And he did. 184 00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:05,855 So, I would not be here... 185 00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:08,316 if it wasn't for Judd. 186 00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:10,735 [crowd cheers] 187 00:10:13,654 --> 00:10:15,698 And then the next day I had to work at Kaiser, 188 00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:16,782 you know what I mean? 189 00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:24,165 I mean, that's how I came up with  the Chow jizz-toss... 190 00:10:24,248 --> 00:10:25,207 "Kaiser." 191 00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:28,544 Toodle-oo, hopes and dreams. 192 00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:29,503 You know? 193 00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:33,799 Like, can you imagine having a moment like that? 194 00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:36,135 Doing a John Apatow film and going back to your day job 195 00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:37,511 thinking that you're stuck. 196 00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:40,139 The next day, I could not stop thinking about that. 197 00:10:40,222 --> 00:10:42,224 I was like, "Well, maybe right now I'm playing it safe 198 00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:45,144 but maybe it's time for this college kid to turn pro, you know what I mean? 199 00:10:45,227 --> 00:10:47,438 Maybe I got to fucking... I got to rethink my life! 200 00:10:47,521 --> 00:10:50,691 Maybe this is the time for me to pursue acting, full-time. 201 00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:51,859 But, you know, look at me. 202 00:10:51,942 --> 00:10:54,654 I know I look like a fucking double-chinned Asian Mr. Burns 203 00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:56,864 with bad posture, but I don't know. 204 00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:58,407 I mean, maybe this is the time for me. 205 00:10:58,491 --> 00:10:59,408 Maybe this is a sign." 206 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:03,329 By the way, I'm thinking all this while 50 patients are waiting for me. 207 00:11:03,954 --> 00:11:05,164 Not a good look. 208 00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:07,333 [crowd laughs] 209 00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:13,005 And my nurse is desperately trying to get me to focus. 210 00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:16,050 She goes, "Dr. Jeong, you have a patient in Room 2 waiting for you." 211 00:11:16,133 --> 00:11:19,220 And I'm like, "Well, nurse, you have a doctor who doesn't give a fuck." 212 00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:21,389 [crowd laughs] 213 00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:23,432 "I just did a movie, Carol! 214 00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:26,811 I just did a movie, man. You don't get it." 215 00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:33,234 And, believe it or not, I quit my day job the next day. 216 00:11:33,317 --> 00:11:34,276 True story. 217 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,070 [crowd claps] 218 00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:37,988 I was scared, man. 219 00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:40,658 I was fucking scared. 220 00:11:40,741 --> 00:11:42,493 Because I didn't have any family support. 221 00:11:42,576 --> 00:11:46,163 Like, my strict traditional Korean dad who wanted me to be a doctor 222 00:11:46,288 --> 00:11:47,540 before I was born... 223 00:11:47,623 --> 00:11:50,710 No, he was severely bumping on this shit, dude. 224 00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:53,129 He was just cursing me out in Korean. 225 00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:58,634 [mutters] "You bring great shame to Jeong family!" 226 00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:02,930 And then after The Hangover... "We are so proud! 227 00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:04,849 I knew you'd make it, boy! 228 00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:07,643 I knew you'd make it! I believe in you." 229 00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:09,854 [crowd cheers] 230 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:15,443 "We are so proud of your tiny ding-dong. So proud. 231 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,197 The smaller the penis, the bigger the box office!" 232 00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:22,283 [Ken evilly laughs] 233 00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:25,077 Thanks, Papa. Great praise, okay. 234 00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:28,497 And, yes, for those of you wondering, in The Hangover, 235 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,750 yes, that was real in the trunk. 236 00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:33,502 I'm a grower not a show-er, all right? 237 00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:36,756 It was cold, I swear. All right? 238 00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:39,049 It was cold outside, all right? 239 00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:42,636 But I'm secure about it. It's how the pencil writes, bitch. 240 00:12:43,053 --> 00:12:46,474 It's how it writes! Mine can write in cursive. 241 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:47,767 In cursive! 242 00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:49,477 Oh my God, calligraphy! 243 00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:52,646 Calligraphy! Konnichiwa, bitch! 244 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:55,733 [crowd claps] 245 00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:03,449 But I tell you, man, 246 00:13:03,532 --> 00:13:06,869 to be Hangover rich and famous as an Asian kid, man... 247 00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,997 Asian parents, they don't know how to govern that. 248 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:13,375 You know, my dad went from "father" to "freeloader," just like that. 249 00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:15,169 [crowd laughs] 250 00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:19,089 I swear to God, as a kid, he was like, "You better get me good grades!" 251 00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:23,052 After The Hangover, "You better get me S-Class Mercedes! 252 00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:27,723 Because E-Class, that's for fucking farmers." 253 00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:29,725 Okay, Papa. Good. 254 00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:33,896 Dude, I would not be here if it wasn't for the fucking Hangover. 255 00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:36,398 Mr. Chow is the best character I've ever played. 256 00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,108 He's the funniest character ever. 257 00:13:38,192 --> 00:13:39,777 It put me on the map. 258 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:42,279 Dude... 259 00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:43,656 Leslie Chow. 260 00:13:46,116 --> 00:13:48,035 I mean, it has brought me so much joy. 261 00:13:48,118 --> 00:13:51,038 The Hangover is the best thing ever to happen 262 00:13:51,121 --> 00:13:53,415 not only to my career, but my fucking life. 263 00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:57,419 That's why I don't mind getting recognized for Mr. Chow wherever I go. 264 00:13:57,503 --> 00:14:00,631 Literally, if anyone asks for a photo or a selfie, I'm always nice about it. 265 00:14:00,714 --> 00:14:03,843 If you look on Twitter, I'm always nice doing Mr. Chow stuff 266 00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:05,135 because I'm dead inside. 267 00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:06,053 Now... 268 00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:10,850 You guys wanna hear some Hangover stories? 269 00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:12,393 [crowd cheers in excitement] 270 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:13,394 All right. 271 00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:16,689 I live in Los Angeles, the rich part, and I'll tell you... 272 00:14:22,778 --> 00:14:24,071 [audience member] Where? 273 00:14:24,446 --> 00:14:26,448 I'm not going to tell you where, bitch. 274 00:14:28,742 --> 00:14:31,537 I'm not going to tell you I live in Calabasas. 275 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:35,583 Don't worry, I can say it. It's a gated community. 276 00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:36,834 It's fine. 277 00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:39,128 You ain't getting in. It's fine. 278 00:14:39,461 --> 00:14:41,547 You ain't getting in, bitch. 279 00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:48,679 [crowd cheers] 280 00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:02,109 Okay, I was at a Wells Fargo ATM, withdrawing some cash. 281 00:15:02,192 --> 00:15:03,485 A lot of cash! 282 00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:07,406 And this middle-aged white guy, 283 00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:10,200 this, like, motherfucking guy with a bald head... 284 00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:11,660 No offense, dude. I'm just like... 285 00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:13,746 Hey, I'm sorry. 286 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:17,249 Oh, my God. Dennis, get a load of this guy. 287 00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:21,587 Oh, my God,  that's fucking Locke from Lost over there. 288 00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,757 Oh, my God, he's got the secret to the hatch! 289 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,301 Look at that guy! Fucking Lost. 290 00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:28,594 Oh, my God. 291 00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:32,348 He's like an ugly Locke from Lost. 292 00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:36,936 And I'm an ugly Daniel Dae Kim, so it all works out fine. 293 00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:40,522 Daniel Dae "Chins," maybe. 294 00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:45,027 And this fucking white "Ho"-looking motherfucker 295 00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:49,698 is looking at me from a sedan  with the window half-cracked open. 296 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:53,035 True story. He's staring at me, and I'm withdrawing some cash. 297 00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:56,622 Staring at me, withdrawing some cash. Staring at me, withdrawing some cash. 298 00:15:56,705 --> 00:16:00,250 The light turns green so he can go, "Toodle-oo, motherfucker!" 299 00:16:01,126 --> 00:16:03,379 Every fucking day, you know what I mean? 300 00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:07,591 I was on a plane promoting Hangover II. First class. 301 00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:08,801 And, uh... 302 00:16:11,929 --> 00:16:14,181 True story. There's a person in the back of the plane 303 00:16:14,264 --> 00:16:16,558 and there were concerns he may have had a stroke. 304 00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:18,435 He had some vertigo, he had some dizziness, 305 00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:20,479 some weakness, a little bit of slurred speech, 306 00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:22,773 and the flight attendant was understandably panicked. 307 00:16:22,898 --> 00:16:25,401 "Is there a doctor on the plane? Is there a doctor on the plane?" 308 00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:27,987 So, you know, I raise my hand and I was like, "Well, I, um... 309 00:16:28,112 --> 00:16:29,989 Well, it's complicated but..." 310 00:16:30,447 --> 00:16:32,449 [crowd laughs] 311 00:16:37,037 --> 00:16:38,831 "But I used to be a doctor." 312 00:16:40,582 --> 00:16:43,085 She was like, "Sit down, Chow. Jesus." 313 00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:45,504 "Catch that, Phyllis?" 314 00:16:45,587 --> 00:16:47,965 Everyone's laughing at me on the plane. 315 00:16:48,048 --> 00:16:50,592 Dude, even the strokie in the back of the plane... 316 00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:54,013 Making a bubble with his drool or something. 317 00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:57,307 But I was promoting Hangover II, 318 00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:59,351 which, actually, I think is my favorite Hangover movie, 319 00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:04,398 because the cinematography was absolutely amazing in Bangkok, Thailand. 320 00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:05,524 Anyone from Thailand? 321 00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:06,775 Oh, really? 322 00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:08,152 -Yeah. -You're a Thai! 323 00:17:08,235 --> 00:17:10,279 -That's awesome. Where are you from? -Bangkok. 324 00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:11,780 Bangkok! 325 00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:14,241 You look so cute! Look! 326 00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:16,618 Natey, get a shot of him, man! 327 00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:18,203 Look at that! 328 00:17:18,912 --> 00:17:21,415 You know what I call this? You know what I call this? 329 00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:23,834 Son of Chow. He looks amazing. 330 00:17:23,917 --> 00:17:25,127 [crowd laughs] 331 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,630 Own that shit, boy. 332 00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:32,051 -What's your name, man? -Mike. 333 00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:33,677 Mike. What's your last name? 334 00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:34,928 Bayakorbachik. 335 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,890 [crowd laughs] 336 00:17:41,852 --> 00:17:43,312 You're not Thai. 337 00:17:44,938 --> 00:17:45,981 You're Jewish. 338 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,067 [crowd laughs] 339 00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:51,570 I mean, what do you think, Tran? Do you think that's legit? 340 00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:54,531 I don't know. You're kind of my wife, now. I don't know. 341 00:17:58,827 --> 00:18:02,790 Why do I feel like the Asians are getting back at me for some reason? 342 00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:11,006 Not to get off on a fucking tangent, dude. This is not even related. 343 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:14,593 But you know what? I got so much shit from the Asian community 344 00:18:14,676 --> 00:18:15,719 for the first Hangover. 345 00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:18,597 That was controversial at that time, like, 10 years ago. 346 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,517 Because, seriously, I had fucking Asian haters, dude. 347 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:24,645 Asian haters on the internet, they're the fucking worst, dude. 348 00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:26,480 White trolls are bad. 349 00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:28,899 But Asian trolls, they're the stickiest, dude. 350 00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:30,150 No, no. For real. 351 00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:32,820 This is a real comment. I'm not making this up. 352 00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:37,282 This is a real comment from someone on Reddit, 353 00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:39,034 and is still up there, all right? 354 00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,410 You can look it up. 355 00:18:41,036 --> 00:18:44,039 "Ken, if I ever see you in public, 356 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:47,084 I will choke you within a few seconds from death 357 00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:48,961 with my bare hands. 358 00:18:49,044 --> 00:18:52,965 Fuck you, you piece of shit do-anything-for-a-dollar whore." 359 00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:55,467 And that was my mom, all right? 360 00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:57,803 [crowd laughs] 361 00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:09,148 I tell you, these fucking Asian haters, man. 362 00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:10,858 They hate themselves, dude. 363 00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:13,443 They fucking hated the fact I had a thick accent 364 00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:15,112 and I had a small penis, dude. 365 00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:16,780 I was born with that shit! 366 00:19:16,905 --> 00:19:19,825 That's not a stereotype! That's fucking real to me! 367 00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:21,160 How are they mad? 368 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:23,745 And they want me to apologize for that? 369 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,582 What do I say? "Me so sorry?" I don't know what to say! 370 00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:28,208 My God! 371 00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:30,544 Dude, I get so much shit for The Hangover! 372 00:19:30,627 --> 00:19:33,338 I did a lot of social justice in The Hangover! 373 00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:35,966 I was a social justice warrior in that shit. 374 00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:37,301 Think about that. 375 00:19:37,384 --> 00:19:41,054 I jumped out of a trunk and beat up the white man three times, all right? 376 00:19:41,471 --> 00:19:43,473 [crowd cheers] 377 00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:48,687 I should be the fucking Malcolm X of my community. 378 00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:51,982 Not yellow Urkel, all right? 379 00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:56,361 There are Asian teenage boys that actually blame me. 380 00:19:56,445 --> 00:19:58,572 They think they can't get laid by white women 381 00:19:58,655 --> 00:20:02,159 because somehow my small dick has scared the white chick away. 382 00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:04,077 People say that about me! 383 00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:07,372 Dude, stop rejecting this papa shit. 384 00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:10,584 Maybe you're too bold like your father, never satisfied like your mother, 385 00:20:10,667 --> 00:20:13,420 and that, bitch, is when doves cry, okay? 386 00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:22,763 I loved shooting in Bangkok. We were there for two months. 387 00:20:22,846 --> 00:20:25,349 I went with my wife and we were there... Remember that, sweetie? 388 00:20:25,432 --> 00:20:26,808 I remember that. 389 00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:29,144 Good times, right? 390 00:20:29,269 --> 00:20:31,271 [crowd laughs] 391 00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:33,774 And, in the photo credits at the end, 392 00:20:33,857 --> 00:20:35,275 when you're looking at the forgotten night, 393 00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:38,737 there's a stripper, a nude stripper that has a ping pong ball. 394 00:20:38,820 --> 00:20:40,030 I don't know if you remember that scene. 395 00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:42,783 She has a ping pong ball, and she's putting that up her hootch, 396 00:20:42,866 --> 00:20:46,411 and it's coming out like she's the Serena Williams of pussy pong. 397 00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:50,999 It was a sight to behold. Like, boom, boom, boom. 398 00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,251 And I'm not even kidding, 399 00:20:52,334 --> 00:20:54,878 on the first take, it hit Bradley Cooper in the mouth. 400 00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:55,837 I'm not even kidding. 401 00:20:56,004 --> 00:20:58,006 [crowd cheers] 402 00:21:01,051 --> 00:21:02,302 That is gospel. 403 00:21:04,721 --> 00:21:07,307 And then, stupid me, I'm going, "Syphilis, hot boy!" 404 00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:11,561 'Cause that's what I do. You know what I mean? 405 00:21:11,895 --> 00:21:13,397 That's what I do, you know? 406 00:21:13,730 --> 00:21:15,774 But my whole point is, a lot of people are asking 407 00:21:15,857 --> 00:21:18,860 like, you know, "Do you have to  do medicine on a movie set 408 00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:20,570 or in a comedy club or anything?" 409 00:21:20,654 --> 00:21:22,906 All the fucking time. I always have... 410 00:21:22,990 --> 00:21:25,909 Dude, so many times I go into doctor mode. It's like Godfather 3. 411 00:21:25,993 --> 00:21:28,704 "Just when I think I'm out, they pull me back in," you know? 412 00:21:29,204 --> 00:21:30,539 Everywhere, you know? 413 00:21:30,622 --> 00:21:32,708 Recently, I was at a club in Phoenix. 414 00:21:32,791 --> 00:21:34,042 I don't know if you heard about this. 415 00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:37,504 A lady in the third row had a seizure in one of my stand-up shows. 416 00:21:37,587 --> 00:21:40,382 It wasn't because of a bad joke, I'm just saying... 417 00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:42,926 But TMZ reported this, 418 00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:45,429 and my publicist didn't want me to talk about it, which I didn't. 419 00:21:45,512 --> 00:21:48,348 But I want you to hear, for the first time, on Netflix, 420 00:21:48,432 --> 00:21:50,767 me talk about it in my own words, all right? 421 00:21:50,851 --> 00:21:53,603 I'm making fun of people  like I normally do in my act. 422 00:21:53,687 --> 00:21:55,939 "Hos to the left of me, Hos to the right to me..." 423 00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:58,525 So I'm doing my schtick, like Asian Don Rickles, 424 00:21:58,608 --> 00:21:59,860 and there's a lady... 425 00:21:59,943 --> 00:22:01,945 [crowd laughs] 426 00:22:03,613 --> 00:22:07,409 There was a lady in the third row, and she was, like, "Mr. Chow! Mr. Chow!" 427 00:22:07,492 --> 00:22:10,370 I'm, like, "Calm down, bitches. I'll get to you, it'll be fine." 428 00:22:11,038 --> 00:22:13,290 And they were, like, "No, someone passed out." 429 00:22:13,373 --> 00:22:17,419 And a lady fell down off her chair and she was just completely out. 430 00:22:17,502 --> 00:22:20,088 And I dropped the mic, and I rushed over there, 431 00:22:20,172 --> 00:22:21,256 and went into "doctor" mode, 432 00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:23,675 and it was the most surreal, sublime experience ever, 433 00:22:23,759 --> 00:22:26,261 because I'm no longer a comedian, I'm a doctor. 434 00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:29,598 And the whole comedy club were no longer like a comedy club audience. 435 00:22:29,723 --> 00:22:33,268 We're like an ER of, like, nurses and aides trying to help her out. 436 00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:34,895 It was so fucking amazing. 437 00:22:34,978 --> 00:22:36,146 And I'm thinking to myself, like, 438 00:22:36,229 --> 00:22:39,274 "Oh my God, I may have to do CPR on this person." 439 00:22:39,358 --> 00:22:43,320 And I have to assess the ABCs before you do CPR. 440 00:22:43,403 --> 00:22:45,489 You know, "Airway," "Breathing," "Circulation." 441 00:22:45,572 --> 00:22:47,824 Not "Always Be Closing." It's a different thing. 442 00:22:53,413 --> 00:22:55,165 And I actually... If you go on YouTube, 443 00:22:55,248 --> 00:22:57,876 I have done work with the American Heart Association, 444 00:22:57,959 --> 00:23:02,756 teaching medical students and nurses how to do hands-only compression CPR. 445 00:23:02,839 --> 00:23:04,466 You don't have to do mouth-to-mouth anymore. 446 00:23:04,549 --> 00:23:06,301 So it's true. This is a medical fact. 447 00:23:06,385 --> 00:23:08,345 I have two medical facts, all right? Number one... 448 00:23:08,428 --> 00:23:09,679 The number one medical fact, 449 00:23:09,763 --> 00:23:13,308 look, if you're ever in the position where unfortunately, you may have to do CPR, 450 00:23:13,392 --> 00:23:16,978 you do chest compressions to the beat of "Stayin' Alive," all right? 451 00:23:17,062 --> 00:23:21,525 It's like, Ah, ah, ah, ah, Stayin' alive, stayin' alive 452 00:23:21,817 --> 00:23:23,819 [crowd laughs] 453 00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:26,363 It's true. 454 00:23:27,197 --> 00:23:29,199 [crowd claps] 455 00:23:31,993 --> 00:23:35,288 And I'm thinking to myself, "Am I gonna have to Bee Gee this bitch?" 456 00:23:37,249 --> 00:23:39,376 And then, fortunately, I did not have to. 457 00:23:39,459 --> 00:23:40,460 She got up quickly. 458 00:23:40,544 --> 00:23:42,963 She had what they call a "petit mal" seizure. 459 00:23:43,046 --> 00:23:45,298 She's on medication and she had a history of epilepsy. 460 00:23:45,382 --> 00:23:47,300 By the way, she allowed me to tell this story. 461 00:23:47,384 --> 00:23:48,468 Her name is Christy. 462 00:23:48,552 --> 00:23:50,512 I actually flew her out to one of my shows in New York. 463 00:23:50,595 --> 00:23:51,847 She is doing fine. 464 00:23:51,930 --> 00:23:55,142 So everything... Happy ending alert. Everything is good. 465 00:23:59,521 --> 00:24:01,148 But when we sat her up, 466 00:24:01,231 --> 00:24:04,443 we actually did a mental status exam with an audience member 467 00:24:04,526 --> 00:24:05,902 who happened to be a paramedic, 468 00:24:05,986 --> 00:24:07,279 and we were asking her questions 469 00:24:07,362 --> 00:24:09,698 because she's a little bit confused after the seizure. 470 00:24:09,781 --> 00:24:11,825 She was like, "What's your name?" "Christy." 471 00:24:11,908 --> 00:24:13,368 "Where are you?" "Phoenix." 472 00:24:13,452 --> 00:24:14,744 "Who are you here to see?" 473 00:24:14,828 --> 00:24:16,663 And then she turns and looks at me, and then she vomits. 474 00:24:16,746 --> 00:24:18,665 So, it's a normal response. 475 00:24:20,917 --> 00:24:23,837 And within minutes, the paramedics take care of her and she's fine. 476 00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:26,673 My whole point is, if you don't like any of my shit, 477 00:24:26,756 --> 00:24:29,384 you don't have to have a fucking seizure, and a fucking... 478 00:24:29,468 --> 00:24:32,220 You can just walk out, bitch. I already got paid. 479 00:24:32,429 --> 00:24:33,972 I already got the check. 480 00:24:35,765 --> 00:24:36,683 And you know what? 481 00:24:36,766 --> 00:24:39,186 That's not even my worst seizure tale, all right? 482 00:24:39,936 --> 00:24:43,148 Dude, I did Ride Along 2 with Ice Cube and Kevin Hart, 483 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:46,401 and we were shooting in a nightclub in Atlanta. 484 00:24:46,485 --> 00:24:49,404 Four hundred background actors in a nightclub 485 00:24:49,488 --> 00:24:52,532 and a person has a severe generalized tonic-clonic seizure 486 00:24:52,616 --> 00:24:54,451 and the whole nightclub clears out. 487 00:24:54,534 --> 00:24:56,119 So, I'm running towards the patient 488 00:24:56,203 --> 00:24:59,372 and Ice Cube, who is the baddest motherfucker on the planet... 489 00:24:59,539 --> 00:25:00,749 He's amazing! 490 00:25:00,832 --> 00:25:02,918 He's fucking running towards the patient, too, 491 00:25:03,001 --> 00:25:05,462 We're like two outfielders  going for the same ball. 492 00:25:06,129 --> 00:25:08,340 And I tell you, he's taking out a belt. 493 00:25:08,423 --> 00:25:11,301 I'm like, "Whoa, you don't whip the patient, Cube! 494 00:25:11,384 --> 00:25:12,219 No!" 495 00:25:12,302 --> 00:25:14,638 I don't know him. I'm more of a Reba McEntire fan. 496 00:25:14,721 --> 00:25:18,433 And he's running out to the patient, and he gets to him before I do. 497 00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:20,936 He puts the belt around the patient's mouth, 498 00:25:21,019 --> 00:25:22,020 so he wouldn't choke on his tongue. 499 00:25:22,103 --> 00:25:24,481 Ice Cube, not me,  saved the patient's life. 500 00:25:24,564 --> 00:25:26,816 -It was amazing! -[cheering] 501 00:25:27,150 --> 00:25:29,152 Just a shout-out to Cube. 502 00:25:32,906 --> 00:25:34,032 And to make small talk, 503 00:25:34,115 --> 00:25:37,702 I was like, "So, Ice Cube, I guess that was a good day." 504 00:25:40,247 --> 00:25:42,666 While Kevin Hart ran away. 505 00:25:42,749 --> 00:25:45,210 "Oh, my God! Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ! Oh, my God! 506 00:25:45,335 --> 00:25:47,921 Snap, crackle, pop! I gotta get the fuck out of here!" 507 00:25:49,047 --> 00:25:52,008 "Calm down, your snappy midget! Everything is fine." 508 00:25:52,300 --> 00:25:53,468 Everything. 509 00:25:57,055 --> 00:25:58,557 And by the way, it was Kevin Hart 510 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,851 who actually got me into doing stand-up again in the first place. 511 00:26:01,935 --> 00:26:04,145 No joke. Yes. Shout-out to Kevin. 512 00:26:04,229 --> 00:26:06,064 He's one of my dear friends. 513 00:26:07,649 --> 00:26:09,568 He's one of my favorite guys in comedy 514 00:26:09,651 --> 00:26:11,027 because he's the only one shorter than me. 515 00:26:11,194 --> 00:26:12,862 [crowd laughs] 516 00:26:13,238 --> 00:26:14,698 He literally would give me advice. 517 00:26:14,781 --> 00:26:17,742 I mean, Kevin, literally, every day on Ride Along 2, 518 00:26:17,826 --> 00:26:19,411 he would just remind me, "You got to do stand-up." 519 00:26:19,494 --> 00:26:20,787 Because we go back 15 years. 520 00:26:20,870 --> 00:26:22,455 And I love when Kevin Hart gives me advice 521 00:26:22,539 --> 00:26:24,624 because he's the only guy looking up, you know what I mean? 522 00:26:24,708 --> 00:26:25,542 It's just so great. 523 00:26:25,625 --> 00:26:27,252 And I call him "Rice Krispies" 524 00:26:27,335 --> 00:26:29,838 because he's just always making snap-crackle-pop noises 525 00:26:29,921 --> 00:26:30,797 wherever he goes. 526 00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:32,882 "Oh, man, Ken! Snap, crackle, pop, man! 527 00:26:32,966 --> 00:26:34,926 You gotta go back! Gotta go back and do stand-up, man! 528 00:26:35,010 --> 00:26:37,012 You're leaving millions on the table, man! 529 00:26:37,095 --> 00:26:39,097 Snap, crackle, pop, ping, pang, pow! 530 00:26:39,681 --> 00:26:42,267 Ping, pang, pow! You gotta do that! 531 00:26:42,350 --> 00:26:43,893 You gotta do stand-up, and do it like this! 532 00:26:43,977 --> 00:26:46,771 And then you gotta do it like this! Then maybe you can do it like this! 533 00:26:46,855 --> 00:26:48,857 I gotta do it, man! Ping, pang, pow!" 534 00:26:48,940 --> 00:26:52,110 I was like, "Oh, you're so cute. Of course I'll do it for you. 535 00:26:52,193 --> 00:26:54,988 I will do it, you're so cute. Come here, give me a hug." 536 00:27:03,455 --> 00:27:06,791 A lot of people ask me, like, "Do you still practice medicine?" 537 00:27:07,083 --> 00:27:08,835 I'm like, you know, "Why?" 538 00:27:10,462 --> 00:27:11,796 I mean, look at me, dude. 539 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:15,258 Like, yeah, sure, I want to get sued every chance I get. 540 00:27:15,925 --> 00:27:18,720 At Kaiser, depositions were my jam. 541 00:27:19,679 --> 00:27:21,389 Sure, my wife's also a doctor. 542 00:27:21,473 --> 00:27:24,267 Yeah, sure, we want to work every other week, every major holiday. 543 00:27:24,351 --> 00:27:27,020 We would never see each other, sure. I want that lifestyle back. 544 00:27:27,103 --> 00:27:30,523 Yeah, sure, I want to voluntarily put my finger up the holes 545 00:27:30,607 --> 00:27:34,319 of every patient that I see, willy-fucking-nilly. 546 00:27:34,402 --> 00:27:35,820 [crowd laughs] 547 00:27:35,945 --> 00:27:39,741 Dude, I'm Hollywood, bitch. I got out of Shawshank, all right? 548 00:27:40,617 --> 00:27:42,077 West Side! 549 00:27:47,540 --> 00:27:50,085 But I will say shit  doctors are afraid to say, all right? 550 00:27:50,168 --> 00:27:51,378 Just a couple of tips. 551 00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:54,422 Stop Googling your shit before you see the doctor. 552 00:27:54,506 --> 00:27:57,092 It never works! 553 00:27:57,175 --> 00:27:58,843 I had a patient come up to me, 554 00:27:58,927 --> 00:28:01,096 and the patient was like, "Oh, I looked it up online, 555 00:28:01,179 --> 00:28:03,640 I have right-sided pain. It's an ovarian cyst." 556 00:28:03,723 --> 00:28:05,684 "You're a dude. Knock it off, all right?" 557 00:28:05,850 --> 00:28:07,852 [crowd laughs] 558 00:28:16,528 --> 00:28:19,155 Okay, ladies...  Okay, get ready, all right? 559 00:28:19,572 --> 00:28:22,117 Ladies, when you see your doctor  for a pap smear, 560 00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:26,246 and this is with all due respect, make it presentable. 561 00:28:26,329 --> 00:28:27,914 That's all we're saying. 562 00:28:28,039 --> 00:28:30,500 Less Chewbacca, more Ewok, all right? 563 00:28:30,583 --> 00:28:33,086 We don't want That '70s Show up in here. 564 00:28:33,753 --> 00:28:36,631 You don't want to have what we call  a General Ackbar situation 565 00:28:36,715 --> 00:28:38,550 from Star Wars: Return of the Jedi. 566 00:28:38,717 --> 00:28:42,387 You know that fish-mouthed alien? That was named after a dank vajayjay. 567 00:28:42,470 --> 00:28:43,346 It was. 568 00:28:43,430 --> 00:28:45,849 Because when you put your speculum in, it goes, "It's a trap!" 569 00:28:45,932 --> 00:28:46,766 You don't want that. 570 00:28:46,933 --> 00:28:48,935 [crowd laughs] 571 00:28:54,733 --> 00:28:57,318 So, to answer your question... No, I don't do medicine anymore. 572 00:28:57,485 --> 00:28:59,487 [crowd laughs] 573 00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:05,535 No, man, I've gotten to meet everybody from The Hangover. 574 00:29:05,618 --> 00:29:09,539 I mean, literally, I just got to meet everybody I've ever wanted to meet. 575 00:29:09,622 --> 00:29:12,041 I got to meet my favorite actor in the world, Tom Hanks, 576 00:29:12,125 --> 00:29:13,293 at the Golden Globes. 577 00:29:13,376 --> 00:29:15,587 That was amazing. He's my favorite actor in the world. 578 00:29:15,670 --> 00:29:19,549 By the way, did you think that my voice as Mr. Chow was my real accent? 579 00:29:20,091 --> 00:29:20,925 Okay. 580 00:29:22,469 --> 00:29:24,304 Tom Hanks... I met him, I said hello. 581 00:29:24,387 --> 00:29:26,306 And Tom was, like, "Really? You don't talk like that?" 582 00:29:26,389 --> 00:29:28,308 I'm like. "Really, fucking Forrest Gump? Really? 583 00:29:28,391 --> 00:29:30,518 Are you fucking kidding me? 584 00:29:30,769 --> 00:29:34,272 [crowd cheers] 585 00:29:38,943 --> 00:29:42,155 Do you walk around carrying  a box of fucking chocolates 586 00:29:43,156 --> 00:29:46,993 while talking to a Wilson volleyball, you Cast Away motherfucker? 587 00:29:52,415 --> 00:29:55,001 I got to meet presidents because of The Hangover. 588 00:29:55,084 --> 00:29:57,462 I met Bill Clinton while we were doing Hangover II. 589 00:29:57,545 --> 00:30:00,590 We were in Bangkok. Clinton was also in Bangkok, 590 00:30:00,673 --> 00:30:02,425 doing God-knows-what. 591 00:30:03,843 --> 00:30:06,054 That's Slick Willie for you, you know what I mean? 592 00:30:06,137 --> 00:30:08,765 If Obama is a high school principal, 593 00:30:08,848 --> 00:30:11,267 Bill Clinton is a PE coach slipping you some ganja, 594 00:30:11,351 --> 00:30:13,061 going, "Don't tell anyone, okay?" 595 00:30:13,144 --> 00:30:15,146 [crowd laughs] 596 00:30:16,523 --> 00:30:21,486 But he has the highest IQ of any modern-day US president. 597 00:30:21,569 --> 00:30:22,987 He's a political genius. 598 00:30:23,112 --> 00:30:27,534 There is no one more politically smart than Bill Clinton. 599 00:30:27,617 --> 00:30:31,120 He is so convincing, he is so charismatic, he is so engaging. 600 00:30:31,204 --> 00:30:32,205 I went to a fundraiser... 601 00:30:32,288 --> 00:30:34,833 He was so persuasive, I would suck his dick. 602 00:30:34,916 --> 00:30:35,750 I really would. 603 00:30:37,335 --> 00:30:39,838 Just give me a blue dress. I fucking dare you. 604 00:30:41,005 --> 00:30:46,636 [Ken hums the National Anthem] 605 00:30:49,681 --> 00:30:52,100 I'm sucking his dick for freedom, guys. 606 00:30:52,809 --> 00:30:55,478 And jiggling his balls for the environment. 607 00:30:59,649 --> 00:31:02,026 I got to meet Obama, which was amazing. 608 00:31:02,110 --> 00:31:03,027 Yes! 609 00:31:04,028 --> 00:31:05,154 Obama. 610 00:31:05,989 --> 00:31:08,908 Not Barack. His half-brother Fred who runs a Macy's in Queens. 611 00:31:08,992 --> 00:31:09,826 Now... 612 00:31:10,159 --> 00:31:12,245 No, I got to meet Obama  with Zach Galifianakis 613 00:31:12,328 --> 00:31:14,372 who played Alan in The Hangover, who by the way... 614 00:31:14,455 --> 00:31:16,749 Zach Galifianakis is the funniest motherfucker alive. 615 00:31:16,833 --> 00:31:18,918 He's my favorite actor  I've ever worked with because... 616 00:31:19,002 --> 00:31:22,046 Like Kevin Hart, we all go way back doing stand-up comedy. 617 00:31:22,130 --> 00:31:24,549 And when he was doing it, I always hated following him 618 00:31:24,632 --> 00:31:26,593 because he was always the funniest guy in the room. 619 00:31:26,676 --> 00:31:28,219 But here we are at the White House, 620 00:31:28,303 --> 00:31:30,930 meeting the sitting president of the United States 621 00:31:31,014 --> 00:31:32,390 and I have to follow him again. 622 00:31:32,473 --> 00:31:34,100 I'm like, "Fuck, dude!" 623 00:31:34,183 --> 00:31:36,436 Because Zach comes with jokes, man. 624 00:31:36,519 --> 00:31:37,854 He comes loaded with jokes, 625 00:31:37,937 --> 00:31:40,106 and this is the first time Obama and Zach had met 626 00:31:40,189 --> 00:31:42,066 before they did the Between Two Ferns thing. 627 00:31:42,150 --> 00:31:43,234 So they were instantly... 628 00:31:43,318 --> 00:31:45,403 Dude, they were on. They were simpatico. 629 00:31:45,486 --> 00:31:48,990 I was watching their fucking comedy kinship from the beginning. 630 00:31:49,073 --> 00:31:50,700 Zach whips out a two-dollar bill, and goes, 631 00:31:50,783 --> 00:31:52,493 "Do you have change for this, for this photo session?" 632 00:31:52,619 --> 00:31:56,623 and Obama is laughing so hard, going, "Very droll, Zach, Very droll." 633 00:31:58,333 --> 00:32:00,877 And I'm standing to the side in a suit and a tie 634 00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:03,171 because I'm a good fucking Asian, you know what I mean? 635 00:32:03,254 --> 00:32:04,923 I'm standing with a suit and a tie 636 00:32:05,006 --> 00:32:08,843 and I'm having what I call my "Google Image resting face," all right? 637 00:32:08,927 --> 00:32:11,888 Because when you Google-Image search me, you always get this... 638 00:32:13,181 --> 00:32:15,183 [crowd laughs] 639 00:32:17,852 --> 00:32:19,854 [crowd claps] 640 00:32:24,150 --> 00:32:27,111 And by the way, when it says "Wear a suit and a tie," 641 00:32:27,195 --> 00:32:28,363 that's what you do, you know? 642 00:32:28,446 --> 00:32:29,739 Zach is such a rock star, 643 00:32:29,822 --> 00:32:33,284 he's wearing a T-shirt, Toughskins and some fucking Crocs 644 00:32:33,368 --> 00:32:36,079 and he's like POTUS's favorite son, all of a sudden. 645 00:32:36,162 --> 00:32:38,373 And then it's my turn. I can't follow him. 646 00:32:38,456 --> 00:32:39,332 I don't have jokes. 647 00:32:39,415 --> 00:32:42,210 I just want to do my photo  and get the fuck out of there. 648 00:32:42,335 --> 00:32:44,045 Obama's like... He looks at the card. 649 00:32:44,128 --> 00:32:46,297 I don't know if he knows who I am. He's looking at me. 650 00:32:46,381 --> 00:32:48,299 I'm right there. Secret Service is right there. 651 00:32:48,383 --> 00:32:51,386 He goes, "Oh." And he does his whole drawl... 652 00:32:51,511 --> 00:32:53,972 [he drawls] 653 00:32:54,097 --> 00:32:57,850 "Oh, it's Ken! Hmm, yeah. 654 00:32:57,934 --> 00:32:59,310 We like Ken, don't we?" 655 00:32:59,394 --> 00:33:00,478 I'm like, "What?" 656 00:33:05,817 --> 00:33:08,152 So, I walk in, he puts his arm around me, and I'm just... 657 00:33:08,236 --> 00:33:09,070 Same face. 658 00:33:09,696 --> 00:33:11,197 [crowd laughs] 659 00:33:11,447 --> 00:33:16,369 And he's disappointed at me because, unlike Zach, I'm not doing anything. 660 00:33:16,452 --> 00:33:18,830 His exact words, "Come on, man. Loosen up, man. 661 00:33:18,913 --> 00:33:20,081 You're a little stiff, man." 662 00:33:20,164 --> 00:33:22,792 Literally, Galifianakis comes in and he goes, 663 00:33:22,875 --> 00:33:25,670 "This is how  you entertain the president, Ken." 664 00:33:25,753 --> 00:33:29,424 And he and Obama proceed to verbally roast me for five minutes. 665 00:33:30,341 --> 00:33:33,970 It was a roast battle. It was like fucking Jeselnik and Ross. 666 00:33:34,095 --> 00:33:35,054 Like, fucking... 667 00:33:35,138 --> 00:33:37,056 It was like... They were telling me to loosen up. 668 00:33:37,140 --> 00:33:40,101 And I'm like, "Well, I suppose I could loosen up my tie." 669 00:33:41,477 --> 00:33:43,980 And Obama, I swear to God, he said the driest... 670 00:33:44,063 --> 00:33:45,565 He said, "No, I've seen your work. 671 00:33:45,648 --> 00:33:47,859 No nudity. It's a family affair, a family show." 672 00:33:48,026 --> 00:33:50,028 [crowd laughs] 673 00:33:50,653 --> 00:33:52,613 And that's why I voted for Trump. Now... 674 00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:58,202 Because he's a great guy. Not racist, rarely tweets. 675 00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:02,582 I got a Trump story, too, man. 676 00:34:02,665 --> 00:34:04,292 I had a... I could have met him. 677 00:34:04,375 --> 00:34:07,587 We were both booked to be on Jimmy Fallon together, a couple of years ago, 678 00:34:07,670 --> 00:34:09,297 when he was a presumptive Republican nominee, 679 00:34:09,380 --> 00:34:10,506 and I was the second guest. 680 00:34:10,590 --> 00:34:12,133 Dude, I am scared of Trump. 681 00:34:12,216 --> 00:34:14,260 Asians are fucking scared of Trump like Godzilla. 682 00:34:14,385 --> 00:34:15,553 We are just fucking scared. 683 00:34:15,636 --> 00:34:18,556 Dude, when Trump got elected, my daughter Zoey... 684 00:34:18,639 --> 00:34:20,975 She was just like, "Oh, my God. Do we have to bow to him?" 685 00:34:22,018 --> 00:34:25,229 I swear to God. And I'm, like,, "Yes. Yes, you do, Zoey." 686 00:34:25,938 --> 00:34:29,025 Get your "bow" game on, bitch. He's the president, all right? 687 00:34:29,108 --> 00:34:32,111 But I was so scared to meet him. I'm really frightened to meet him. 688 00:34:32,195 --> 00:34:33,696 And they're like, fucking, "Why, dude?" 689 00:34:33,780 --> 00:34:36,532 I'm like, "Think about it, okay?" Stay with me for a second, all right? 690 00:34:36,616 --> 00:34:38,284 He's a big Hangover fan, and wanted to meet me. 691 00:34:38,367 --> 00:34:41,287 He's seen my fucking big bush in The Hangover, all right? 692 00:34:41,454 --> 00:34:44,248 He's seen me naked. He's seen my shiitake mushroom. 693 00:34:44,332 --> 00:34:48,294 You know what I mean? Just stay with me. What if he gets really horny and shit? 694 00:34:48,419 --> 00:34:51,672 You just don't know. Horny or hangry or whatever the fuck he gets. 695 00:34:51,756 --> 00:34:54,759 When he gets aroused, all that Access Hollywood shit came out. 696 00:34:54,842 --> 00:34:57,095 What if he wants to grab my almost-pussy, guys? 697 00:34:57,178 --> 00:34:59,597 I don't want to get "Me Too-ed"' by the president! 698 00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:01,057 [crowd laughs] 699 00:35:01,641 --> 00:35:04,060 And that is when Ken Jeong became woke. 700 00:35:04,143 --> 00:35:05,728 You know, you don't want that. 701 00:35:06,437 --> 00:35:08,356 Don't worry, that's not going to make it in the special. 702 00:35:08,439 --> 00:35:09,565 It'll be fine. 703 00:35:10,942 --> 00:35:14,278 Because I don't think he's going to be around for that long, so... 704 00:35:15,988 --> 00:35:17,615 I swear to fucking God. 705 00:35:17,907 --> 00:35:19,909 [crowd cheers and claps] 706 00:35:21,953 --> 00:35:26,749 When Obama is speaking, he goes, "How hard is it to condemn Nazism? 707 00:35:26,874 --> 00:35:30,378 How hard is it after Charlottesville to condemn racism?" 708 00:35:30,461 --> 00:35:34,882 You know, he's appeasing to his racist alt-right base and shit. 709 00:35:34,966 --> 00:35:38,928 Even the racists are like, "Dude, tone it down, Donnie! 710 00:35:39,011 --> 00:35:40,346 Dude, we get it!" 711 00:35:40,429 --> 00:35:44,058 Even David Duke, "Whoa, save some racism for us! 712 00:35:44,642 --> 00:35:47,478 We get it. This is not how you're racist." 713 00:35:48,187 --> 00:35:51,983 For real, I was in Palm Springs, all right? Two hours south of here, 714 00:35:52,066 --> 00:35:53,276 thinking that would be safe, 715 00:35:53,359 --> 00:35:57,989 and I got fucking heckled by a Trump white-trash supporter, man. 716 00:35:58,114 --> 00:36:00,741 I've never been heckled by white trash before! 717 00:36:00,825 --> 00:36:03,286 I was just like... And it gave me no end of pleasure 718 00:36:03,369 --> 00:36:06,205 to say, "As a minority millionaire..." 719 00:36:06,414 --> 00:36:08,416 [crowd laughs] 720 00:36:10,418 --> 00:36:12,044 [crowd cheers] 721 00:36:17,258 --> 00:36:19,969 ...you can suck on these Chinese nuts!" 722 00:36:22,221 --> 00:36:24,223 [crowd claps] 723 00:36:29,395 --> 00:36:30,479 "And I'm Korean." 724 00:36:34,817 --> 00:36:36,277 All right, all right. 725 00:36:36,944 --> 00:36:39,322 Gonna get all that... We'll shake that off, shake that off. 726 00:36:39,447 --> 00:36:42,617 I'll be back as Mr. Chow, Mr. Chow, Mr. Chow. 727 00:36:44,827 --> 00:36:46,954 -You guys watch Dr. Ken? -Yeah! 728 00:36:47,121 --> 00:36:49,123 [crowd claps] 729 00:36:50,374 --> 00:36:52,793 And that's why it got canceled. Now... 730 00:36:56,422 --> 00:36:58,633 If I'm going to be honest with you right now... 731 00:36:58,716 --> 00:37:00,635 This is the most honest I'll ever be, right now... 732 00:37:00,718 --> 00:37:01,552 It is like... 733 00:37:01,636 --> 00:37:04,263 Seriously, our show got canceled about a year ago, 734 00:37:04,347 --> 00:37:07,683 and I honestly am still down about it. I am so sad about it. 735 00:37:07,767 --> 00:37:09,227 I created that show. 736 00:37:09,310 --> 00:37:13,147 I was a writer on that show, executive producer on that show. 737 00:37:13,231 --> 00:37:18,069 We had five Asian-American people of color on an ABC series. 738 00:37:18,152 --> 00:37:23,241 It was my biggest accomplishment of my career. 739 00:37:27,787 --> 00:37:28,788 And I'll tell you, 740 00:37:28,913 --> 00:37:31,540 as a guy who had 44 episodes of that show 741 00:37:31,624 --> 00:37:35,336 and I put my heart and life and blood and sweat into that show. 742 00:37:35,419 --> 00:37:38,089 What could be worse? I mean, this was like the worst thing 743 00:37:38,172 --> 00:37:41,968 that ever happened to a Hollywood guy, losing his Hollywood show. 744 00:37:42,051 --> 00:37:44,804 How life could get-- How worse could life get than that? 745 00:37:44,887 --> 00:37:48,224 So there I am, sobbing in my mansion, eating some Pad Thai 746 00:37:48,307 --> 00:37:49,976 yelling at my houseboy. 747 00:37:59,318 --> 00:38:01,487 And I don't have any gigs upcoming. 748 00:38:01,570 --> 00:38:03,739 I don't have anything. I have nothing planned. 749 00:38:03,823 --> 00:38:04,991 I was like, "Jesus Christ. 750 00:38:05,074 --> 00:38:09,203 I hope I don't have to go back and do stand-up at the Ice House or something." 751 00:38:10,454 --> 00:38:12,081 I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. 752 00:38:12,164 --> 00:38:14,417 You know what I mean? I would hate that. 753 00:38:16,627 --> 00:38:18,754 But then the moment Dr. Ken got canceled, 754 00:38:18,838 --> 00:38:21,590 I got a call from the director of Crazy Rich Asians. 755 00:38:21,966 --> 00:38:23,259 [crowd cheers] 756 00:38:31,934 --> 00:38:34,020 And literally within an hour, 757 00:38:34,103 --> 00:38:37,231 I'm on a plane to Singapore, a 17-hour flight... 758 00:38:37,315 --> 00:38:40,818 And, by the way... To shoot my first scene in Crazy Rich Asians... 759 00:38:40,901 --> 00:38:46,073 And, by the way, that movie is the first all-Asian-American cast... 760 00:38:46,991 --> 00:38:50,077 Twenty-five years in a Hollywood film... 761 00:38:54,540 --> 00:38:56,709 ...since The Joy Luck Club. 762 00:38:59,211 --> 00:39:01,255 Think about this, my first scene I shot that movie, 763 00:39:01,339 --> 00:39:05,343 the first scene, 24 hours prior, Dr. Ken had just been canceled. 764 00:39:05,426 --> 00:39:08,471 So, to me, that's all I see when I see that movie. 765 00:39:08,554 --> 00:39:10,348 And that movie got me through everything. 766 00:39:10,431 --> 00:39:13,851 Because you know what? Director Jon M. Chu let me improvise. 767 00:39:13,934 --> 00:39:16,562 All that shit  was just off the top of my head. 768 00:39:16,645 --> 00:39:17,855 Me and... 769 00:39:18,105 --> 00:39:19,732 Me and Aquafina... 770 00:39:19,815 --> 00:39:21,025 Aquafina... 771 00:39:22,026 --> 00:39:23,110 is my daughter. 772 00:39:23,194 --> 00:39:24,195 I love her so much. 773 00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:26,572 I'm Papa-fina to her Aquafina. 774 00:39:28,032 --> 00:39:30,368 We both improvised that shit. 775 00:39:30,451 --> 00:39:33,162 I mean, we were just on a fucking... It was so therapeutic. 776 00:39:33,287 --> 00:39:37,166 None of that shit was in the script. Cal State Fullerton is my... 777 00:39:37,249 --> 00:39:39,126 -[crowd cheers] -You know what I mean? 778 00:39:43,297 --> 00:39:46,008 That's my new "Toodle-oo, motherfuckers," you know what I mean? 779 00:39:50,471 --> 00:39:53,891 But it was amazing that I got to improvise that whole scene 780 00:39:53,974 --> 00:39:54,850 and get away with it. 781 00:39:54,934 --> 00:39:56,018 I mean, it was, like, crazy. 782 00:39:56,102 --> 00:39:58,104 We didn't pay attention to the script 783 00:39:58,187 --> 00:40:01,357 to the point where the director was like, "What the fuck," you know? 784 00:40:02,316 --> 00:40:04,276 And then you jump-cut a year later. 785 00:40:04,402 --> 00:40:07,530 It is the number one movie, three weeks in a row. 786 00:40:07,947 --> 00:40:09,949 [crowd cheers] 787 00:40:10,950 --> 00:40:12,159 Insane. 788 00:40:14,161 --> 00:40:16,038 None of us expected that. 789 00:40:18,791 --> 00:40:21,502 To have so much representation on the screen 790 00:40:21,585 --> 00:40:24,839 means everything to me, because that's all I wanted Dr. Ken to be. 791 00:40:24,922 --> 00:40:28,759 I wanted Dr. Ken to show more Asian-Americans on the screen, 792 00:40:28,843 --> 00:40:32,138 and in Crazy Rich Asians, they did it in such grand style. 793 00:40:32,221 --> 00:40:36,350 Crazy Rich Asians actually allowed me to let go of Dr. Ken. 794 00:40:36,434 --> 00:40:40,604 So, everything's so full-circle and so therapeutic. 795 00:40:45,192 --> 00:40:47,194 And what makes it even more full circle 796 00:40:47,278 --> 00:40:49,864 is that the director of Crazy Rich Asians is in the back, 797 00:40:49,947 --> 00:40:52,074 directing my Netflix special right now. 798 00:40:52,241 --> 00:40:53,325 [crowd cheers] 799 00:41:05,504 --> 00:41:08,799 All right, you don't have to clap that fucking hard, all right? 800 00:41:09,467 --> 00:41:11,093 It's my fucking show. 801 00:41:16,724 --> 00:41:17,975 All right, my whole point is, 802 00:41:18,058 --> 00:41:21,854 the moral of the story is that I'm a rich person who just got richer. 803 00:41:21,937 --> 00:41:24,773 Now... Yay, me. Yay, me. 804 00:41:25,983 --> 00:41:27,526 Uptown problems. 805 00:41:29,737 --> 00:41:30,571 All right. 806 00:41:30,654 --> 00:41:33,449 This is how comedians fucking get ready for their big show. 807 00:41:33,532 --> 00:41:36,410 They have a list of jokes, because this is how a real comedian does it. 808 00:41:36,494 --> 00:41:37,328 You know, I'm just gonna... 809 00:41:37,411 --> 00:41:40,247 You'll see me just look at some of my stuff, like a good fucking Asian. 810 00:41:40,331 --> 00:41:41,332 Just kind of like a... 811 00:41:47,838 --> 00:41:49,965 After Dr. Ken, I had a lot of free time, 812 00:41:50,049 --> 00:41:54,887 so I actually went and did jury duty in Van Nuys. 813 00:41:55,346 --> 00:41:56,514 [crowd cheers] 814 00:41:58,140 --> 00:42:02,728 And what is the point of being famous if you can't get out of fucking jury duty? 815 00:42:05,147 --> 00:42:07,358 True story, it was a murder trial. 816 00:42:08,651 --> 00:42:11,487 The defendant recognized me. 817 00:42:14,073 --> 00:42:16,075 [crowd laughs] 818 00:42:24,333 --> 00:42:25,876 And he looks at me, like... 819 00:42:26,126 --> 00:42:29,046 "Oh, shit!" 820 00:42:29,713 --> 00:42:31,715 [crowd laughs] 821 00:42:37,137 --> 00:42:39,473 "But did you die?" 822 00:42:45,229 --> 00:42:48,232 "Your honor, sidebar, your honor, please. 823 00:42:49,316 --> 00:42:51,777 Your honor, I can't serve on this jury. 824 00:42:51,860 --> 00:42:55,614 I can't put a fan in jail. It'll ruin my brand, all right?" 825 00:42:56,490 --> 00:42:59,910 And she's like, "Trust me, a lot of your fans are in the clink, so..." 826 00:43:04,164 --> 00:43:05,291 Nailed it. 827 00:43:06,125 --> 00:43:07,918 [crowd laughs] 828 00:43:18,929 --> 00:43:20,556 What I loved about doing Dr. Ken 829 00:43:20,639 --> 00:43:23,309 is that I got to actually put my daughter on the show. 830 00:43:23,392 --> 00:43:24,643 I actually have two kids. 831 00:43:24,727 --> 00:43:28,897 I have two daughters. Alexa, named after the Amazon Echo... 832 00:43:30,149 --> 00:43:32,735 and Zoey, named after Kravitz or Deschanel, 833 00:43:32,818 --> 00:43:33,944 depending if you're black or white. 834 00:43:34,028 --> 00:43:35,154 Now... 835 00:43:35,863 --> 00:43:37,072 I got Zoey on the show. 836 00:43:37,281 --> 00:43:40,200 She played the stalker to my TV son. 837 00:43:40,284 --> 00:43:42,911 And her name was Emily and she is funnier than me. 838 00:43:42,995 --> 00:43:45,164 I actually am kind of like a... 839 00:43:45,247 --> 00:43:47,833 I'm like a tiger mom of Asian... 840 00:43:47,916 --> 00:43:50,544 Like, I want my daughter to be an actor, I won't lie to you. 841 00:43:50,628 --> 00:43:53,255 Because I think she's funnier than me and I was really wanting her to... 842 00:43:53,339 --> 00:43:55,257 And she was so good on the show, 843 00:43:55,341 --> 00:43:58,719 to the point that ABC wanted to make her a series regular. 844 00:43:58,802 --> 00:44:00,095 It was so exciting. 845 00:44:00,179 --> 00:44:02,306 I went up to Zoey. I said, "Oh, my God!" 846 00:44:02,389 --> 00:44:04,266 Isn't it amazing? Do you want to be on more Dr. Ken?" 847 00:44:04,350 --> 00:44:06,018 She was like, "Do I have to?" 848 00:44:07,853 --> 00:44:08,729 Like, what the fuck? 849 00:44:08,812 --> 00:44:10,189 "You got a fresh-off-the-boat offer 850 00:44:10,272 --> 00:44:11,690 I don't know about, or...?" 851 00:44:12,358 --> 00:44:14,360 [crowd laughs] 852 00:44:16,153 --> 00:44:19,323 "Are you leveraging me  to get on Black-ish, bitch? I mean..." 853 00:44:23,535 --> 00:44:26,246 No, it turned out she just wants to be a normal kid, man. 854 00:44:26,330 --> 00:44:28,415 She just doesn't even want to be an actor. 855 00:44:28,499 --> 00:44:30,417 She just wants to chart her own path, 856 00:44:30,501 --> 00:44:35,130 not unlike me when I told my father I wanted to chart my own path. 857 00:44:35,214 --> 00:44:38,342 So, far be it for me to deny my daughter that opportunity. 858 00:44:38,425 --> 00:44:39,843 So I wrote her out of the show 859 00:44:39,927 --> 00:44:41,470 and it was a great exit scene, 860 00:44:41,553 --> 00:44:44,014 and my wife and I were just standing, watching her. 861 00:44:44,098 --> 00:44:45,641 She did such an amazing job 862 00:44:45,724 --> 00:44:49,853 and as a father, I couldn't be more proud of my independent daughter. 863 00:44:49,937 --> 00:44:53,607 But as a producer, if she ever decides to get back in the game, 864 00:44:53,691 --> 00:44:55,901 I'll fucking crush her, all right? 865 00:44:56,193 --> 00:44:58,195 [crowd laughs] 866 00:45:02,616 --> 00:45:06,078 I get a lot of stuff where people think I'm kind of the model minority 867 00:45:06,161 --> 00:45:07,454 and it's a lot of... I don't know. 868 00:45:07,538 --> 00:45:10,207 I guess it's a little heavy for me because, think about it... 869 00:45:10,290 --> 00:45:13,460 Like, oh, you're a doctor, you're an actor, you're a comedian, 870 00:45:13,544 --> 00:45:14,753 you're an Instagram model. 871 00:45:14,837 --> 00:45:16,380 You can do all of these things. 872 00:45:24,847 --> 00:45:26,724 And the truth of the matter, man... 873 00:45:26,807 --> 00:45:28,267 Like, no, when I was in med school, dude, 874 00:45:28,350 --> 00:45:31,603 I almost failed out of med school three times, dude. 875 00:45:31,854 --> 00:45:34,064 I was not a smart medical student. 876 00:45:34,148 --> 00:45:38,944 I actually failed my board entrance exams, like, three times. 877 00:45:39,027 --> 00:45:42,281 I mean, dude, they're all multiple choice, eight-hour test 878 00:45:42,364 --> 00:45:44,491 and I just couldn't do well on those exams. 879 00:45:44,575 --> 00:45:47,202 Those tests are fucking racially biased, all right? 880 00:45:48,203 --> 00:45:50,414 Against Asian students  who don't study very hard. 881 00:45:50,497 --> 00:45:51,331 Now... 882 00:45:55,836 --> 00:45:57,504 And I felt like, you know... 883 00:45:57,588 --> 00:46:01,133 I felt like a phony just walking around the halls of the hospital in med school. 884 00:46:01,216 --> 00:46:03,802 I felt like I got in only because it was my birthright. 885 00:46:03,886 --> 00:46:04,845 You know what I mean? 886 00:46:04,928 --> 00:46:06,930 I mean, here's my interview for med school. 887 00:46:07,014 --> 00:46:08,640 So, Ken, tell me about yourself. 888 00:46:08,724 --> 00:46:11,059 -Well, I'm Korean. -Stop. Congratulations, you're in. 889 00:46:11,143 --> 00:46:12,269 -That's it? -That's it. 890 00:46:13,353 --> 00:46:14,897 Small-dick scholarship. 891 00:46:15,230 --> 00:46:17,232 [crowd laughs] 892 00:46:17,441 --> 00:46:20,569 But I think that's why I worked so hard as a physician. 893 00:46:20,652 --> 00:46:24,198 I worked at Kaiser Permanente for seven years, and I really did. 894 00:46:24,281 --> 00:46:25,783 I was very hardcore. 895 00:46:25,866 --> 00:46:27,618 I never joked around with my patients. 896 00:46:27,701 --> 00:46:29,995 I took that shit very, very seriously 897 00:46:30,078 --> 00:46:31,371 because everyone was like, "You always joke." 898 00:46:31,455 --> 00:46:33,457 How about, "You never joked around?" I'm like, "No." 899 00:46:33,540 --> 00:46:35,709 They were, "Come on, man, laughter is the best medicine." 900 00:46:35,793 --> 00:46:38,796 "No, fuck that. Medicine is the best medicine! 901 00:46:39,129 --> 00:46:39,963 All right? 902 00:46:40,255 --> 00:46:42,716 Have you ever tried Klonopin? It's amazing!" 903 00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:43,884 You know? 904 00:46:44,718 --> 00:46:48,847 And it's not like I was like fucking Patch Adams or some shit like that, 905 00:46:48,931 --> 00:46:50,265 like a fucking clown. 906 00:46:50,349 --> 00:46:51,767 It's not like I went up to some people and go, 907 00:46:51,850 --> 00:46:55,270 "Oh, you got herpes, but I got your nose! Honk! Honk!" 908 00:46:55,687 --> 00:46:57,689 [crowd laughs] 909 00:47:01,819 --> 00:47:02,820 Getting back to my wife. 910 00:47:02,903 --> 00:47:05,364 We've been together long time, right? A long time. 911 00:47:05,447 --> 00:47:09,034 I've been pimpin' that Ho for 16 years, and... 912 00:47:09,993 --> 00:47:11,370 You know? 913 00:47:11,954 --> 00:47:12,830 And you know what? 914 00:47:12,913 --> 00:47:15,123 I love you so much. The pimping was easy. 915 00:47:15,207 --> 00:47:16,166 It was. 916 00:47:18,043 --> 00:47:19,795 You know what I miss about Tran? 917 00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:21,797 I miss, like... I was just thinking about this the other day. 918 00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:23,841 When we were engaged, you know, 919 00:47:23,924 --> 00:47:25,759 we were motivated as a couple, you know, 920 00:47:25,843 --> 00:47:28,178 we were just trying to impress each other and, quite frankly, 921 00:47:28,262 --> 00:47:29,972 we're very, very different, okay? 922 00:47:30,055 --> 00:47:33,350 We're very different on the surface, because she's, like, from San Francisco. 923 00:47:33,433 --> 00:47:36,979 She's uptown, she's cosmopolitan, well-read. 924 00:47:37,145 --> 00:47:38,564 She's very, very cultured. 925 00:47:38,647 --> 00:47:41,859 Me, I'm a redneck from North Carolina who loves wrestling, all right? 926 00:47:41,942 --> 00:47:44,611 So we're a little different, even though... 927 00:47:44,695 --> 00:47:48,156 And the thing is, to impress her... She's a big sci-fi fan. 928 00:47:48,240 --> 00:47:50,742 So, I read all three Lord of the Rings books 929 00:47:50,826 --> 00:47:52,911 just to show her I could fucking read. 930 00:47:54,329 --> 00:47:55,497 Well, I didn't read it. 931 00:47:55,581 --> 00:47:57,457 I read the Cliff Notes. Well, most of the Cliff Notes. 932 00:47:57,541 --> 00:47:58,792 Most of it. 933 00:47:58,876 --> 00:48:01,712 And she's also very outdoorsy and, like, you know. 934 00:48:01,795 --> 00:48:05,090 So we go for a hike in Eagle Rock and do all that shit. 935 00:48:05,173 --> 00:48:07,009 Eagle Rock! Exactly. 936 00:48:07,217 --> 00:48:09,928 All right, thank you. You live in Eagle Rock? 937 00:48:10,012 --> 00:48:12,097 -Yeah, I do. -That's so cool, man. 938 00:48:12,180 --> 00:48:14,308 Can I get back to my story now? 939 00:48:14,808 --> 00:48:15,642 I'm kidding. 940 00:48:16,184 --> 00:48:18,186 [crowd claps] 941 00:48:18,604 --> 00:48:19,605 Not even... 942 00:48:20,272 --> 00:48:22,274 [crowd laughs] 943 00:48:25,027 --> 00:48:27,905 She's very outdoorsy and she loves to go hiking. 944 00:48:27,988 --> 00:48:29,948 We would go to Eagle Rock and shit like that. 945 00:48:30,032 --> 00:48:30,866 It was a lot. 946 00:48:30,949 --> 00:48:33,994 We actually went camping  at Yosemite for, like, 10 days. 947 00:48:34,077 --> 00:48:36,496 I fucking hate camping, all right? 948 00:48:36,705 --> 00:48:37,706 I fucking hate that. 949 00:48:37,789 --> 00:48:39,958 I mean, who wants to take a shit in the woods, 950 00:48:40,042 --> 00:48:41,460 -you know what I mean? -[audience member] Yeah! 951 00:48:41,543 --> 00:48:42,377 Think about that! 952 00:48:42,461 --> 00:48:43,295 Who wants to-- 953 00:48:43,378 --> 00:48:44,630 Really? You love doing that? 954 00:48:44,713 --> 00:48:46,214 You like digging a hole 955 00:48:47,007 --> 00:48:49,968 and taking a fucking shit in the woods 956 00:48:50,344 --> 00:48:52,387 and putting that dirt back on? 957 00:48:52,721 --> 00:48:54,473 That's your idea of fun? 958 00:48:55,015 --> 00:48:58,226 Not me. I'm more of a Four Seasons type of gal, all right? 959 00:49:02,022 --> 00:49:03,065 Not me, guys. 960 00:49:03,440 --> 00:49:06,735 I won't even glamp as a millionaire, okay? 961 00:49:07,819 --> 00:49:09,404 But that's the thing. 962 00:49:09,488 --> 00:49:14,159 That's the fun of the courtship, because you really want to prove yourself. 963 00:49:14,242 --> 00:49:17,663 And, you know, everything changes the moment we got married. 964 00:49:17,746 --> 00:49:19,331 And the moment I fucking trapped her. 965 00:49:19,414 --> 00:49:20,999 And it was just... 966 00:49:21,583 --> 00:49:24,086 Because when we got home from our honeymoon, 967 00:49:24,169 --> 00:49:25,796 she was looking at the calendar. 968 00:49:25,879 --> 00:49:28,840 "Oh, my God. I was just thinking, honey, you love camping so much, 969 00:49:28,924 --> 00:49:30,509 maybe we should go back to Yosemite next month." 970 00:49:30,592 --> 00:49:33,303 I'm like, "Oh, no, I paid my dues, Ho. 971 00:49:34,304 --> 00:49:35,430 Off to the cinema!" 972 00:49:35,764 --> 00:49:37,766 [crowd laughs] 973 00:49:41,937 --> 00:49:44,439 All right guys,  to be brutally honest, man, 974 00:49:44,523 --> 00:49:46,400 I wanted to do stand-up because... 975 00:49:46,942 --> 00:49:49,528 You know, throughout the last 10 years of my life, 976 00:49:49,611 --> 00:49:52,614 you have highs and lows, and everything is all good. 977 00:49:52,698 --> 00:49:55,701 And then you realize, man, I'm nothing without my wife. 978 00:49:55,826 --> 00:49:57,661 I'm nothing without my family. 979 00:49:57,744 --> 00:49:58,870 It's true. 980 00:50:03,417 --> 00:50:05,752 And the reason why I chose the Ice House 981 00:50:05,836 --> 00:50:08,755 is because, for the very first time that Tran saw me do comedy, 982 00:50:08,839 --> 00:50:10,674 it was right here at the Ice House. 983 00:50:10,757 --> 00:50:12,759 That's the reason why I wanted to do it. 984 00:50:13,218 --> 00:50:14,636 It's full circle. 985 00:50:22,978 --> 00:50:26,857 And my wife Tran is a breast cancer survivor, 986 00:50:26,940 --> 00:50:28,817 going on 10 years cancer-free. 987 00:50:29,151 --> 00:50:31,153 [crowd cheers] 988 00:50:33,238 --> 00:50:35,866 Ten years, cancer-free. 989 00:50:39,911 --> 00:50:43,498 And she is the strongest person I know, all right? 990 00:50:43,790 --> 00:50:45,208 All right, here is her story. 991 00:50:45,333 --> 00:50:48,170 Tran was breastfeeding Alexa and Zoey when they were one year old 992 00:50:48,253 --> 00:50:50,130 and she found a lump on her breast, all right? 993 00:50:50,213 --> 00:50:54,259 And then we had to get it biopsied and it turned out to be benign, 994 00:50:54,342 --> 00:50:55,385 according to the path report. 995 00:50:55,469 --> 00:50:57,846 And we were fine with that. This is great, it was benign. 996 00:50:57,971 --> 00:51:00,307 We're both doctors. Okay, we'll see what it is. 997 00:51:00,390 --> 00:51:01,808 Maybe it's an infection, maybe it's something else. 998 00:51:01,892 --> 00:51:04,644 And it got bigger, and it got bigger and bigger. 999 00:51:04,728 --> 00:51:07,939 And it wasn't getting better with antibiotics or supportive therapy. 1000 00:51:08,023 --> 00:51:09,858 We got it re-biopsied, actually, 1001 00:51:09,941 --> 00:51:13,153 and it came back Stage 3 triple-negative breast cancer, 1002 00:51:13,236 --> 00:51:15,155 with a 23% chance of survival. 1003 00:51:15,238 --> 00:51:17,741 Spoiler alert! She's here right now, she's healthy. 1004 00:51:18,408 --> 00:51:19,701 She's doing great. 1005 00:51:19,993 --> 00:51:21,995 [cheers] 1006 00:51:23,330 --> 00:51:24,623 She's doing great. 1007 00:51:26,917 --> 00:51:30,003 You are the strongest person that I know, 1008 00:51:30,087 --> 00:51:33,423 because two days before  she started her chemotherapy, 1009 00:51:33,507 --> 00:51:36,218 where she would lose all of her hair and become really weak, 1010 00:51:36,301 --> 00:51:39,846 she decided, she took her eight-hour standardized board exam, 1011 00:51:39,930 --> 00:51:41,640 the one that I failed, 1012 00:51:41,723 --> 00:51:45,143 and she passed it with flying colors! 1013 00:51:45,644 --> 00:51:47,646 [crowd cheers] 1014 00:51:52,943 --> 00:51:55,654 And I'm thinking to myself, "That Ho," you know? 1015 00:51:55,737 --> 00:51:57,197 It's just so great. 1016 00:51:58,573 --> 00:52:01,201 And she has had... She's such a champ. 1017 00:52:01,284 --> 00:52:02,661 She has the presence of mind. She goes, 1018 00:52:02,744 --> 00:52:04,538 "You know what? I'm going to beat the cancer, 1019 00:52:04,621 --> 00:52:06,456 so I might as well beat that exam." 1020 00:52:06,540 --> 00:52:08,458 She is so clutch, man. 1021 00:52:08,542 --> 00:52:11,128 She was like Reggie Miller against the Knicks in '95, 1022 00:52:11,211 --> 00:52:13,755 where she's scoring, like, fucking eight points to beat... 1023 00:52:13,839 --> 00:52:16,007 She's a Vietnamese Reggie Miller, that's what she is. 1024 00:52:16,591 --> 00:52:20,345 Or she's Vietnamese John Cena, but she didn't do this fucking bullshit. 1025 00:52:20,428 --> 00:52:21,805 You know what I mean? 1026 00:52:22,305 --> 00:52:23,140 Sidebar. 1027 00:52:23,223 --> 00:52:26,685 By the way, I hosted WWE Raw with John Cena years ago 1028 00:52:26,768 --> 00:52:28,562 and WWE asked me to host. 1029 00:52:28,645 --> 00:52:29,896 They're like, "Do you want to do this?" 1030 00:52:29,980 --> 00:52:31,356 "Sure, I'm an actor. 1031 00:52:31,439 --> 00:52:34,776 I fake, wrestling's fake. What could go wrong, all right?" 1032 00:52:35,652 --> 00:52:38,780 And then, on the day, John Cena lifts me up for a body slam, 1033 00:52:38,864 --> 00:52:41,032 throws me over the top rope 1034 00:52:41,116 --> 00:52:44,327 and the five motherfuckers who were supposed to catch me... 1035 00:52:45,078 --> 00:52:46,121 didn't. 1036 00:52:46,621 --> 00:52:48,665 Wrestling is fucking real. 1037 00:52:48,957 --> 00:52:50,959 [crowd laughs] 1038 00:52:52,294 --> 00:52:53,503 He throws me over the top rope, 1039 00:52:53,587 --> 00:52:56,006 I hit the concrete, my head hits the wooden plank. 1040 00:52:56,173 --> 00:52:58,592 You hear the sound of my head hitting the plank. 1041 00:52:58,675 --> 00:53:01,344 I had to call Tran after Raw went off the air to assure her I'm okay. 1042 00:53:01,428 --> 00:53:03,471 My whole point is, John Cena absolutely sucks. 1043 00:53:03,555 --> 00:53:04,764 He does, I'm just saying. 1044 00:53:08,643 --> 00:53:11,730 But getting back to my wife, a fucking miracle happened. 1045 00:53:11,813 --> 00:53:15,817 After the first dose of chemotherapy, after the first dose of adriamycin, 1046 00:53:15,901 --> 00:53:17,235 all her cancer went away. 1047 00:53:17,319 --> 00:53:18,445 It was amazing. 1048 00:53:18,528 --> 00:53:20,447 We did a blood test, all normal. 1049 00:53:20,530 --> 00:53:21,907 We did an MRI, all normal. 1050 00:53:21,990 --> 00:53:24,618 PET scan, CAT scan, ultrasound mammogram, 1051 00:53:24,701 --> 00:53:25,535 all normal. 1052 00:53:25,619 --> 00:53:29,456 It was a miracle from God, Allah, Oprah or Tom Cruise. 1053 00:53:29,539 --> 00:53:30,540 I tell you... 1054 00:53:31,625 --> 00:53:34,127 I think it was Tommy, I really do. 1055 00:53:35,837 --> 00:53:38,089 Which brings me, by the way, to my next point, 1056 00:53:38,173 --> 00:53:39,341 or my next medical tip. 1057 00:53:39,424 --> 00:53:44,012 All right, dude, if any woman who wants to get a mammogram for any reason, 1058 00:53:44,095 --> 00:53:45,597 ask your doctor to get a mammogram. 1059 00:53:45,722 --> 00:53:48,600 If you're concerned about breast cancer, ask your doctor for a mammogram 1060 00:53:48,683 --> 00:53:49,559 for any reason. 1061 00:53:49,643 --> 00:53:51,937 And if that doctor says you can't get a mammogram 1062 00:53:52,020 --> 00:53:53,939 because you don't fall under the criteria, 1063 00:53:54,022 --> 00:53:56,733 go to another fucking doctor who will get you that mammogram, all right? 1064 00:53:56,816 --> 00:53:59,736 That's what I'm passionate about. We got to stand up to cancer. 1065 00:54:00,654 --> 00:54:02,364 And that's what we got to do. 1066 00:54:08,745 --> 00:54:12,582 And it was at the same point where we found out Tran's cancer was gone 1067 00:54:12,666 --> 00:54:15,335 I got offered the part of Mr. Chow in The Hangover. 1068 00:54:15,418 --> 00:54:16,753 And I turned it down, actually, 1069 00:54:16,836 --> 00:54:19,589 because Tran had 12 more rounds of chemo to go. 1070 00:54:19,673 --> 00:54:21,174 You have to go full circle with that. 1071 00:54:21,258 --> 00:54:24,344 You got to go, more chemo, more radiation, more procedures. 1072 00:54:24,427 --> 00:54:26,388 And I'm like, "No, I don't want to leave my family." 1073 00:54:26,471 --> 00:54:27,681 Tran was, like, "You got to do this. 1074 00:54:27,764 --> 00:54:30,433 It's only like a four-day trip  out in Vegas, you'll be fine. 1075 00:54:30,517 --> 00:54:31,851 This will be healthy for you. 1076 00:54:31,935 --> 00:54:35,063 You and I both know on the inside tip that the cancer is gone." 1077 00:54:35,188 --> 00:54:36,940 I'm like, "No, I don't think I can do that." 1078 00:54:37,023 --> 00:54:40,151 And it was actually Todd Phillips, the writer-director of The Hangover. 1079 00:54:40,235 --> 00:54:42,070 He did Old School with Vince Vaughn and Will Ferrell. 1080 00:54:42,153 --> 00:54:43,905 He convinced me to do the movie. 1081 00:54:43,989 --> 00:54:48,493 Directors are, by nature, like, fucking geniuses or evil manipulators. 1082 00:54:48,576 --> 00:54:49,953 That's what they are. 1083 00:54:50,036 --> 00:54:51,871 Like, in Hangover III, 1084 00:54:51,955 --> 00:54:54,291 I was doing a scene with John Goodman in a Bangkok prison, 1085 00:54:54,374 --> 00:54:55,458 and I was just doing this scene, 1086 00:54:55,542 --> 00:54:57,961 and there's a Thai toddler who's, like, three years old, 1087 00:54:58,044 --> 00:55:01,589 and basically I was, like, trying to do some improv in my acting, 1088 00:55:01,673 --> 00:55:03,091 hoping that scene will make it in. 1089 00:55:03,174 --> 00:55:05,343 So I look at the toddler, I surprise him, I go, 1090 00:55:05,427 --> 00:55:06,803 "What are you looking at, you little shit?" 1091 00:55:07,804 --> 00:55:09,973 And he starts crying. You know, it was, like... 1092 00:55:10,724 --> 00:55:11,975 So, it didn't make it into the movie. 1093 00:55:12,058 --> 00:55:15,353 And then, so, Todd comes out of the video booth. 1094 00:55:15,437 --> 00:55:18,857 Like, "Chow, come on!" And he's, like, yelling at me like a dog. 1095 00:55:18,940 --> 00:55:19,816 He never calls me "Ken." 1096 00:55:19,899 --> 00:55:22,444 He's like, "Bad Chow! Bad Chow," like a dog. 1097 00:55:22,527 --> 00:55:24,404 If he had a newspaper, he'd hit me with it. 1098 00:55:24,571 --> 00:55:25,864 And it was, like, "Apologize!" 1099 00:55:25,947 --> 00:55:27,115 I said, "I am so sorry." 1100 00:55:27,198 --> 00:55:28,742 "Apologize to the mother!" 1101 00:55:28,825 --> 00:55:30,577 -"I am so sorry." -"Good!" 1102 00:55:30,660 --> 00:55:32,120 And then he turns around and whispers in my ear, 1103 00:55:32,203 --> 00:55:33,079 "Do it again. 1104 00:55:34,122 --> 00:55:35,206 Amazing." 1105 00:55:38,543 --> 00:55:41,796 By the way, it was my idea to get naked in The Hangover. 1106 00:55:41,880 --> 00:55:44,883 Did you guys know that? Yup, that's right. 1107 00:55:45,717 --> 00:55:47,719 -Ha-ha! -[claps] 1108 00:55:49,637 --> 00:55:52,265 My wife said it'll be the feel-good movie of the summer, 1109 00:55:53,016 --> 00:55:56,186 because every guy will go home  feeling good about themselves. 1110 00:55:57,812 --> 00:55:59,481 That's my Ho, so... 1111 00:56:01,232 --> 00:56:05,278 But if anyone, like, kind of broke me out of my depression, it was Todd Phillips. 1112 00:56:05,362 --> 00:56:08,865 And, by the way, like, I didn't cry for six months, you know, 1113 00:56:08,948 --> 00:56:11,159 because I wanted to be strong for my family 1114 00:56:11,242 --> 00:56:14,454 and I actually prescribed myself antidepressants. 1115 00:56:14,954 --> 00:56:20,460 Of all the shit I could prescribe myself, like weed, oxycodone, all these drugs... 1116 00:56:20,543 --> 00:56:23,838 Even the pharmacist looked at my script, said, "Celexa? Pussy!" 1117 00:56:23,922 --> 00:56:24,756 You know? 1118 00:56:27,050 --> 00:56:30,345 "Wow, this is the most aggressive Rite Aid I've ever been to." 1119 00:56:31,346 --> 00:56:33,890 And when you're on an antidepressant, you can't cry. 1120 00:56:33,973 --> 00:56:34,974 Lord knows I tried. 1121 00:56:35,058 --> 00:56:38,061 I tried stabbing myself in the balls, manipulating my taint. 1122 00:56:38,144 --> 00:56:40,730 Most of my approaches were genital-based. Now... 1123 00:56:41,940 --> 00:56:45,610 But if anyone broke me out of that spiral and made me cry, it was Todd Phillips. 1124 00:56:45,693 --> 00:56:48,780 This guy fucking saved my life, 'cause he went to me... 1125 00:56:48,863 --> 00:56:49,781 Every day, he would say, like... 1126 00:56:49,864 --> 00:56:52,742 Because he comes from a family of oncologists, he knew the situation. 1127 00:56:52,826 --> 00:56:55,412 He said, "Look, we don't have to finish the movie with you in it. 1128 00:56:55,495 --> 00:56:57,455 We can always do pickups and reshoots around you." 1129 00:56:57,539 --> 00:57:00,333 This is a big, blockbuster Hollywood movie. 1130 00:57:00,417 --> 00:57:02,710 No director will ever offer this, but he said to me, 1131 00:57:02,794 --> 00:57:05,547 "I will make sure that I'll fly you from Vegas to LA 1132 00:57:05,630 --> 00:57:07,173 every time Tran has her chemo." 1133 00:57:07,257 --> 00:57:09,467 And he did. He did not have to do that. 1134 00:57:09,551 --> 00:57:10,802 It was amazing. 1135 00:57:16,683 --> 00:57:18,726 And on the last day of filming, 1136 00:57:18,810 --> 00:57:21,771 Bradley Cooper actually drove me from Vegas to LA 1137 00:57:21,855 --> 00:57:23,857 to see Tran and to see how she was doing. 1138 00:57:23,940 --> 00:57:25,150 These guys... 1139 00:57:25,233 --> 00:57:26,401 Go back full-circle, 1140 00:57:26,484 --> 00:57:28,486 Everyone's like, "Why do you love The Hangover so much?" 1141 00:57:28,570 --> 00:57:31,030 Why is it the best thing that ever happened in my life? 1142 00:57:31,114 --> 00:57:33,616 Because it saved my fucking life, all right? 1143 00:57:33,700 --> 00:57:36,035 It was so therapeutic to me. 1144 00:57:41,499 --> 00:57:44,836 Even if I wasn't rich and famous, which I am. 1145 00:57:46,629 --> 00:57:48,840 And on my last day of filming, 1146 00:57:48,923 --> 00:57:52,302 I got really emotional, and for the first time in months, 1147 00:57:52,385 --> 00:57:53,761 I just started breaking down and crying. 1148 00:57:53,845 --> 00:57:55,054 I was like, "Thank you so much, man. 1149 00:57:55,138 --> 00:57:57,515 You know, you have no idea what you did for me." 1150 00:57:57,599 --> 00:58:00,560 And I was just teary-eyed, and I went in for a hug. 1151 00:58:00,685 --> 00:58:01,728 And Todd's just like... 1152 00:58:02,770 --> 00:58:03,813 because he's not a hugger. 1153 00:58:03,897 --> 00:58:05,648 I'm like, "What the fuck, dude? I just bared my soul to you." 1154 00:58:05,732 --> 00:58:06,566 He goes... 1155 00:58:07,066 --> 00:58:07,942 I was like, "What the--?" 1156 00:58:08,026 --> 00:58:10,069 And then I realized my dick was on his thigh. 1157 00:58:16,034 --> 00:58:19,829 My whole point is, like my dick, life is short, all right, guys? 1158 00:58:20,121 --> 00:58:21,706 Take chances, be brave. 1159 00:58:21,789 --> 00:58:26,252 Long story short, Tran is here doing well. Ten years cancer-free. 1160 00:58:26,544 --> 00:58:28,546 [crowd cheers] 1161 00:58:30,256 --> 00:58:32,342 Our kids are doing great. 1162 00:58:35,553 --> 00:58:39,516 There are new Hos sprouting up everywhere across the land. 1163 00:58:39,641 --> 00:58:41,643 [crowd laughs] 1164 00:58:41,851 --> 00:58:45,104 And I have my first Netflix special because of you guys. 1165 00:58:45,396 --> 00:58:49,108 [loud cheering] 1166 00:58:56,783 --> 00:58:58,159 For a bit of nostalgia, 1167 00:58:58,243 --> 00:59:02,121 I love to do selfie videos at the end of every show to encapsulate this. 1168 00:59:02,205 --> 00:59:04,666 So I just want to kind of do this really quick for you guys. 1169 00:59:04,749 --> 00:59:07,585 It's like doing a movie.  It's a lot of fun. 1170 00:59:09,254 --> 00:59:11,589 -Guys, Ice House! -[crowd cheers] 1171 00:59:12,131 --> 00:59:14,676 Doing my first Netflix special! 1172 00:59:16,511 --> 00:59:18,054 You guys have a good time? 1173 00:59:18,388 --> 00:59:20,390 [crowd cheers] 1174 00:59:23,393 --> 00:59:25,395 [claps] 1175 00:59:26,563 --> 00:59:28,189 Wow, let me meet some people. 1176 00:59:28,690 --> 00:59:30,567 This is a Ho. 1177 00:59:32,026 --> 00:59:33,778 And this is a Ho. 1178 00:59:35,655 --> 00:59:37,991 But my favorite Ho is in the back. 1179 00:59:38,283 --> 00:59:40,285 [crowd cheers] 1180 00:59:41,327 --> 00:59:42,662 And this is my favorite club. 1181 00:59:42,745 --> 00:59:44,706 Love you, Ice House! Love you, Netflix! 1182 00:59:44,789 --> 00:59:47,083 Toodle-oo, motherfuckers! 1183 00:59:48,835 --> 00:59:50,461 Thank you guys so much. 1184 00:59:50,545 --> 00:59:52,338 Thank you. Love you guys. 1185 00:59:52,755 --> 00:59:55,508 [loud cheering] 1186 01:00:57,820 --> 01:00:59,697 Dana Lee! Why don't you stand up, man? 1187 01:00:59,864 --> 01:01:02,200 He played my father, DK. 1188 01:01:02,283 --> 01:01:04,285 Come on! Come on up here, Dana. 1189 01:01:05,328 --> 01:01:06,287 Come on up here. 1190 01:01:06,788 --> 01:01:09,123 -You gonna cut this? -Oh, fuck, yeah, I'm gonna cut this. 1191 01:01:09,248 --> 01:01:10,541 No, you're not gonna be in this. 1192 01:01:12,543 --> 01:01:16,005 And, by the way, one of the stars of The Joy Luck Club is here. 1193 01:01:16,089 --> 01:01:17,256 We'll just get a camera on her. 1194 01:01:17,340 --> 01:01:20,927 I know she doesn't want it. Give it up her for Ming-Na, right there. 1195 01:01:27,975 --> 01:01:31,479 See, Dana? She didn't come up here  like a whore, and just like... 1196 01:01:34,357 --> 01:01:36,401 And to make things even more full-circle, 1197 01:01:36,484 --> 01:01:39,529 the director of my Netflix special, Jon Chu... 1198 01:01:40,822 --> 01:01:42,031 is right here. 1199 01:01:48,037 --> 01:01:50,331 All right, dude, you don't have to fucking stand for him, 1200 01:01:50,415 --> 01:01:51,457 you know what I mean? 1201 01:01:52,166 --> 01:01:54,460 I just wanted you guys to wave, man. 1202 01:01:55,044 --> 01:01:56,713 This is my fucking show, Jon. 1203 01:01:57,130 --> 01:01:58,297 What the fuck?