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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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(audience applauding)
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I better sit.
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(audience murmuring)
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(birds chirping)
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("(I Guess) The Lord Must Be In
New York City" playing)
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-Hey, bye, Ma.
-Have a good time, Gar.
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Gary (coos):
Come on!
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♪ I'll say goodbye ♪
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♪ To all my sorrow ♪
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♪ And by tomorrow ♪
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♪ I'll be on my way ♪
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♪ I guess the Lord must be ♪
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♪ In New York City ♪
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♪ I'm so tired ♪
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♪ Of getting nowhere ♪
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♪ Seeing my prayers
going unanswered ♪
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♪ I guess the Lord must be ♪
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♪ In New York City ♪
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♪ Well, here I am, Lord ♪
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♪ Knocking at your back door ♪
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♪ Ain't it wonderful ♪
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♪ To be ♪
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♪ Where I've always
wanted to be ♪
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♪ For the first time,
I'll breathe free ♪
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♪ Here in New York City ♪
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♪ Oh-oh-oh... ♪
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-(audience cheering, whistling)
-Announcer: Ladies
and gentlemen, Gary Gulman!
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(loud cheering and whistling)
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(chuckling) Oh...
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(cheering, whistling continues)
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-You came.
-(laughter)
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-You actually came.
-(laughter)
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Thank you.
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It... phew... was
a long time since
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00:03:03,834 --> 00:03:07,918
I shot my last special,
like, over four years, and...
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The reason was is that I got...
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00:03:09,918 --> 00:03:12,876
I got very sick
with "the depresh."
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(laughter)
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Severe, just
crippling depression
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and anxiety,
about two springs ago.
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My wife, Sadé...
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-Not the Sadé.
-(laughter)
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A Sadé, my Sadé.
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She said, "Gary,
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all you were doing
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was crying and sleeping."
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And I get so defensive.
I always say,
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"I also watched
Better Call Saul."
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00:03:42,375 --> 00:03:44,626
(laughter)
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"I wish you would paint
a more accurate picture
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00:03:47,167 --> 00:03:49,834
"of what was going on
for one hour a week,
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00:03:49,918 --> 00:03:54,667
for 10 consecutive weeks,
I pulled it together."
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But yes, I was
sleeping and crying.
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I was so sick.
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I couldn't perform at all.
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I would bite my lip,
until it bled, from anxiety.
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00:04:07,918 --> 00:04:09,167
I was shaking all the time.
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00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:11,500
My voice was so stressed,
I couldn't really talk.
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00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:14,834
I couldn't stand for
more than five minutes,
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I was so fatigued all the time.
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I had to cancel all my shows
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for months, and...
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I was contemplating
retiring from comedy.
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And then I, I thought
about it some,
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00:04:28,083 --> 00:04:30,709
and realized that retirement
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is a bit pretentious...
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(laughter)
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00:04:34,751 --> 00:04:35,959
...for what was going on.
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Like... Johnny Carson retired.
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Michael Jordan retired.
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Gary Gulman, you're giving up.
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(laughter)
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Also, the word
"retirement" implies
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that you've accumulated
some kind of
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-nest egg over the years...
-(laughter)
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...and that was not the case.
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I was going to have to continue
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working to earn money,
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and one of the requirements
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was that it be less stressful
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than a job that requires
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no more than an hour
of my day...
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(laughter)
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...and allows me to sleep
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up until about 7:30 p.m.
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(laughter)
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So, I wasn't able to work,
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and I had a lot of
free time to reflect.
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00:05:23,083 --> 00:05:27,167
And one of the things I kept
thinking about was when did
this... when did this start?
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00:05:27,250 --> 00:05:31,000
How long have I had depression
and anxiety?
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00:05:31,083 --> 00:05:34,542
And while I'll say
that I've had a number
of episodes over the years,
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none lasted as long as this one,
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00:05:36,834 --> 00:05:38,918
none was as severe as this one,
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none left me as hopeless
as this one.
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But I can go back
to being a child--
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They say that-- most
experts will tell you that
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a lot of depression and
anxiety starts in childhood,
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and I can...
I can attest to that.
That was case with me.
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I grew up in the '70s and '80s,
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and, um, ugh,
as a sensitive boy,
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not a very accommodating time
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-for sensitive boys.
-(laughter)
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Like, I really admire
and envy millennials.
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They're so much nicer
to each other than we were.
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Bullies were rampant
when I was growing up,
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and, millennials,
your stance on bullying
is to be commended.
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I have a theory on why
millennials are so much nicer
to each other than we were,
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and it's that millennials
grew up much better
hydrated than we did.
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(laughter)
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Water just was not
a consideration
when I was growing up.
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And I'm not one of these
middle-aged men
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who'll come up here and say,
"We didn't even need water!"
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-We needed it desperately.
-(laughter)
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We walked around the decade,
dizzy and listless.
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(laughter)
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We needed water.
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But in my house growing up,
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in the refrigerator,
all we had, pretty much,
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was whole milk and Tab.
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(laughter)
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I wouldn't get my first sip
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of real, pure water
until Thursday.
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(laughter)
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00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:07,918
Thursday was gym day,
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and the entire
experience was fraught...
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(laughter)
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...perilous.
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Because water pressure
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in 1970s public schools
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was so weak,
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you had to make love
to the drinking fountain.
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(laughter, clapping)
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But if you got that close,
it tempted the cretin
behind you...
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00:07:32,209 --> 00:07:33,334
(laughter)
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00:07:33,417 --> 00:07:37,292
...to smash your skull
into the iron spout,
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00:07:37,375 --> 00:07:41,584
which was considered
a prank in 1978.
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Now it's rightfully
classified as felony assault.
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(laughter)
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00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:51,209
But back then, it was
just boys will be boys.
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(laughter)
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The teacher wouldn't even
interrupt her countdown,
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which was necessary because
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00:07:59,959 --> 00:08:01,626
budget cuts in the '70s
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00:08:01,709 --> 00:08:04,209
caused classroom sizes to swell.
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00:08:05,250 --> 00:08:08,292
Classrooms were enormous,
so the teacher would have
to limit
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00:08:08,375 --> 00:08:12,584
your quench... with this.
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00:08:12,667 --> 00:08:16,000
"One Missippi, two Missippi,
three Missippi, next."
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(laughter)
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00:08:18,292 --> 00:08:20,834
And I would protest.
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I would become outraged,
and I would say something.
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I was very precocious
when I was a little kid.
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I think you would've loved me.
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(laughter)
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I remember I would finish my sip
under so much pressure.
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This, but also, it's like,
I need to get my water
for the week...
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(laughter)
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...in three Missippi or less.
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It was daunting.
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And I would finish my sip,
I would collect my teeth...
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(laughter)
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...and I would say,
"Mrs. McNally."
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That's her real last name.
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Oh, I will protect
her no longer.
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(laughter)
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00:09:07,542 --> 00:09:11,375
Mrs. McNally,
it is not Missippi.
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00:09:11,459 --> 00:09:13,959
-It's Mississippi.
-(laughter)
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You're costing me an entire
syllable of hydration
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00:09:17,792 --> 00:09:19,792
with your pidgin English!
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00:09:19,876 --> 00:09:21,667
(laughter)
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00:09:22,626 --> 00:09:25,083
But you want to know
something, Mrs. M?
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How appropriate,
how apt...
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(laughter)
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00:09:31,292 --> 00:09:33,959
...that you use
Mississippi to carry out
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your unjust
drinking fountain policy.
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(laughter)
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00:09:39,250 --> 00:09:42,250
(applause, cheering)
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That--
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Now, that's precocious.
To have that firm a grasp
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of Jim Crow legal doctrine
at seven.
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00:09:51,167 --> 00:09:53,042
(laughter)
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00:09:54,083 --> 00:09:55,709
But millennials, they're just
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much more accepting
of each other.
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They feel safe
around each other.
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00:10:00,918 --> 00:10:02,459
Accepting, they're accepting of
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00:10:02,542 --> 00:10:05,876
non-conforming gender
roles and identities,
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00:10:05,959 --> 00:10:07,459
and, oh...
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I grew up at a time,
the definition of manhood
was so narrow.
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You were either Clint Eastwood,
or you were Richard Simmons.
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00:10:15,042 --> 00:10:17,709
-There was nothing in between.
-(laughter)
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There were no Paul Rudds...
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00:10:19,667 --> 00:10:21,792
(laughter, clapping)
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...no kind-eyed Mark Ruffalos.
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You had to be so hard!
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00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:28,042
(laughter)
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00:10:28,125 --> 00:10:30,918
And millennials, they're
so accepting of each other,
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00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,459
and they feel safe
coming out to each other
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00:10:33,542 --> 00:10:35,918
in high school,
even junior high.
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I have to be honest
with you. In 1987,
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00:10:38,417 --> 00:10:42,375
I didn't feel safe
ordering a Sprite.
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00:10:42,459 --> 00:10:44,584
(laughter)
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00:10:45,792 --> 00:10:49,459
This will sound nuts,
but Sprite,
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00:10:49,542 --> 00:10:51,834
amongst the men of my community,
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00:10:51,918 --> 00:10:54,751
was considered
a woman's beverage.
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00:10:54,834 --> 00:10:56,918
(laughter)
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00:10:57,834 --> 00:10:59,792
Why? How?
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00:10:59,876 --> 00:11:02,167
Because it's translucent
like lingerie?
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00:11:02,250 --> 00:11:04,334
I've never been able
to figure out--
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00:11:04,417 --> 00:11:05,667
(laughter)
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00:11:05,751 --> 00:11:08,209
Also, the word sprite
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00:11:08,292 --> 00:11:11,334
is a synonym for woodland pixie.
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00:11:11,417 --> 00:11:13,292
(laughter)
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00:11:14,667 --> 00:11:17,250
I remember
going on a field trip,
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00:11:17,334 --> 00:11:18,876
and on the bus ride home,
216
00:11:18,959 --> 00:11:21,250
we stopped off
at a fast-food restaurant,
217
00:11:21,334 --> 00:11:25,667
and I ordered a Sprite,
like a fool...
218
00:11:25,751 --> 00:11:27,834
(laughter)
219
00:11:27,918 --> 00:11:29,584
...in front of everybody.
220
00:11:29,667 --> 00:11:31,292
And this bully, he came up to me
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00:11:31,375 --> 00:11:33,209
as I was drinking in front
of everyone, and he said,
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00:11:33,292 --> 00:11:36,375
"Enjoying your
fairy juice, fairy?"
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00:11:36,459 --> 00:11:37,918
(laughter)
224
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,375
And I was, yes, mortified,
225
00:11:40,459 --> 00:11:42,000
but also, at the same time,
226
00:11:42,083 --> 00:11:44,000
so confused as to how a bully
227
00:11:44,083 --> 00:11:47,500
could be that conversant
in A Midsummer Night's Dream.
228
00:11:47,584 --> 00:11:50,042
(laughter)
229
00:11:50,125 --> 00:11:52,000
I was kind of a lonely kid.
230
00:11:52,083 --> 00:11:54,167
I think the best way
to picture my childhood
231
00:11:54,250 --> 00:11:56,626
was think of Charlie Brown
232
00:11:56,709 --> 00:11:58,292
had Snoopy died.
233
00:11:58,375 --> 00:11:59,834
(laughter)
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00:11:59,918 --> 00:12:03,000
♪ ♪
235
00:12:10,834 --> 00:12:12,417
Barbara:
Oh, I love this.
236
00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:14,000
-Gary: Yeah.
-Are you filming me now?
237
00:12:14,083 --> 00:12:15,709
-Producer: Yeah.
-Oh, please.
238
00:12:15,792 --> 00:12:18,083
-Just a minute.
-(laughing)
239
00:12:18,167 --> 00:12:20,417
Oh my God,
I love that picture.
240
00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:22,542
-Gary: Yeah.
-Barbara: Oh, Gary is...
241
00:12:22,626 --> 00:12:25,375
-so happy.
-Gary: Yeah, these were
really good pictures.
242
00:12:25,459 --> 00:12:28,167
-Barbara: It's like
going down memory lane.
-Gary: Yeah.
243
00:12:28,667 --> 00:12:30,667
-Barbara: I don't think
he remembers these.
-(Gary laughs)
244
00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:32,167
Wow.
245
00:12:34,083 --> 00:12:36,167
He hasn't seen these...
246
00:12:36,250 --> 00:12:37,626
-No.
-...a long time.
247
00:12:37,709 --> 00:12:41,292
And here's the first
night that I ever did,
um... (laughs)
248
00:12:41,375 --> 00:12:43,459
The first night
I ever did stand-up
249
00:12:43,542 --> 00:12:44,918
-at Nick's Comedy Stop.
-Oh.
250
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,334
-Barbara: Was it at Nick's?
-Gary: Yeah.
251
00:12:46,417 --> 00:12:49,334
Wasn't it at that little
place in Cambridge, Gary?
252
00:12:49,417 --> 00:12:52,584
-Um...
-With the showered
screen like...
253
00:12:52,667 --> 00:12:54,125
Remember... No?
254
00:12:54,209 --> 00:12:55,918
-No.
-You went to Nick's?
255
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:57,000
(laugh): Yes!
256
00:12:57,083 --> 00:12:58,751
Producer:
So, you don't that he was
257
00:12:58,834 --> 00:13:00,626
-depressed as a kid or--
-No.
258
00:13:00,709 --> 00:13:02,500
Absolutely not.
259
00:13:02,584 --> 00:13:05,292
Nope. A happier kid
you couldn't find.
260
00:13:05,375 --> 00:13:07,500
Always had a smile on his face.
261
00:13:07,584 --> 00:13:08,751
Aw...
262
00:13:08,834 --> 00:13:10,792
See how happy he was?
263
00:13:11,292 --> 00:13:12,918
I mean, come on.
264
00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:16,918
This is a book I wrote
in second grade.
265
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:20,459
It was called
The Lonely Tree,
and it was, um...
266
00:13:20,959 --> 00:13:25,626
To anybody with a,
just a small amount
of psychology knowledge,
267
00:13:25,709 --> 00:13:28,000
you would know this was
a cry for help.
268
00:13:28,083 --> 00:13:33,584
-That it was an allegory
for a lonely, sad...
-Barbara: I didn't know.
269
00:13:33,667 --> 00:13:39,834
See, the tree was being teased
by the animals in the forest.
270
00:13:39,918 --> 00:13:43,125
And it cried and it grew,
and it became beautiful
271
00:13:43,209 --> 00:13:46,417
and became
the Christmas tree in the city,
272
00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:50,918
and... (laughs)
it grew from tears.
273
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:53,876
Happy-go-lucky kid.
274
00:13:53,959 --> 00:13:55,209
You see him.
275
00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:57,250
You see how he smiles and happy.
276
00:13:57,334 --> 00:13:59,542
Well, that's the way
he always was.
277
00:14:00,792 --> 00:14:03,959
So, how could I detect anything?
278
00:14:04,959 --> 00:14:07,667
I mean it.
It's so hard to tell.
279
00:14:07,751 --> 00:14:09,918
Such an insidious
280
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,751
disease, um, depression,
281
00:14:12,834 --> 00:14:16,250
and loneliness,
loneliness sets in with it.
282
00:14:16,334 --> 00:14:17,375
Not easy.
283
00:14:17,459 --> 00:14:19,876
-(laughing)
-It's so sad.
284
00:14:19,959 --> 00:14:21,918
The Lonely Tree.
285
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,042
-But it--
-But when you think of it...
286
00:14:24,542 --> 00:14:26,417
-Mm.
-...the tree alone,
287
00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:28,459
-lonely.
-(laughing)
288
00:14:31,792 --> 00:14:34,876
-Oh my God.
-When you think about it, yeah.
289
00:14:34,959 --> 00:14:36,626
So, I was big.
290
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:41,959
I was big, and I was
sensitive and soft growing up.
291
00:14:42,042 --> 00:14:44,250
And when you were big back then,
292
00:14:44,334 --> 00:14:48,000
you were encouraged/harassed
293
00:14:48,083 --> 00:14:50,500
into playing sports.
294
00:14:50,584 --> 00:14:53,459
And I didn't want to play
the footballs,
295
00:14:53,542 --> 00:14:56,500
the hockeys, the contact sports.
296
00:14:56,584 --> 00:14:59,000
That was not for me.
297
00:14:59,083 --> 00:15:03,125
I fell in love with basketball,
almost immediately, because...
298
00:15:03,209 --> 00:15:07,250
because basketball
just fits my personality,
it still does.
299
00:15:07,334 --> 00:15:11,918
Basketball is the only sport
you can practice by yourself.
300
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,876
-(laughter)
-I...
301
00:15:13,959 --> 00:15:18,792
spent a lot of time
practicing basketball
by myself.
302
00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:23,667
And basketball also fits me
because it's the only sport
303
00:15:23,751 --> 00:15:26,042
where if somebody
so much as slaps you
304
00:15:26,125 --> 00:15:29,667
on the wrist,
they stop the game.
305
00:15:29,751 --> 00:15:31,292
(laughter)
306
00:15:31,375 --> 00:15:34,709
Stop the game,
separate everyone,
307
00:15:35,709 --> 00:15:38,751
and let you make
two easy shots
308
00:15:38,834 --> 00:15:42,375
while everyone else is
forced to watch quietly.
309
00:15:42,459 --> 00:15:45,083
(laughter)
310
00:15:45,167 --> 00:15:48,292
As if to say,
"Think about what you did."
311
00:15:48,375 --> 00:15:50,667
(laughter)
312
00:15:50,751 --> 00:15:53,751
(applauding)
313
00:15:53,834 --> 00:15:57,125
(cheering)
314
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:04,209
And I was-- Oh, I was automatic
from the free throw line
315
00:16:04,292 --> 00:16:07,334
because free throw shooting
is a direct function
316
00:16:07,417 --> 00:16:09,792
of childhood loneliness.
317
00:16:10,584 --> 00:16:12,000
I have this carnival skill.
318
00:16:12,083 --> 00:16:15,209
If you tell me you were a good
high school free throw shooter,
319
00:16:15,292 --> 00:16:18,751
you can give me your high school
free throw shooting percentage,
320
00:16:18,834 --> 00:16:23,334
and I can tell you
what time your single
mother got home from work.
321
00:16:23,417 --> 00:16:25,751
(laughter)
322
00:16:29,209 --> 00:16:32,459
I shot 94% my senior year.
323
00:16:32,542 --> 00:16:35,083
My mother was
a night court bailiff.
324
00:16:35,167 --> 00:16:37,167
(laughter)
325
00:16:38,083 --> 00:16:42,834
The trouble with
my basketball career was that...
326
00:16:43,667 --> 00:16:45,751
I felt horrible about myself.
327
00:16:45,834 --> 00:16:47,751
I hated myself.
328
00:16:47,834 --> 00:16:50,292
And I had it in my head that--
329
00:16:50,375 --> 00:16:52,709
and this is classic
depressive thinking--
330
00:16:52,792 --> 00:16:55,918
I hate myself. If I work
really hard at something
331
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,626
and get great at it,
332
00:16:57,709 --> 00:16:59,709
then I will feel really
good about myself.
333
00:16:59,792 --> 00:17:01,167
I love basketball players.
334
00:17:01,250 --> 00:17:02,876
I'll get really
good at basketball,
335
00:17:02,959 --> 00:17:04,417
and then I'll feel
good about myself.
336
00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:07,334
But it doesn't work that way,
and it put so much pressure
337
00:17:07,417 --> 00:17:10,042
on my basketball career,
and I was so devoted.
338
00:17:10,125 --> 00:17:13,000
I made the junior high team,
and I was captain.
339
00:17:13,584 --> 00:17:16,083
And before the season started,
we had a scrimmage game
340
00:17:16,167 --> 00:17:18,167
against my synagogue.
341
00:17:18,250 --> 00:17:20,125
(laughter)
342
00:17:20,209 --> 00:17:23,667
I also played on
the synagogue team, and...
343
00:17:24,375 --> 00:17:29,083
unfortunately,
the synagogue team
was not quite as stacked...
344
00:17:29,167 --> 00:17:32,083
(laughter)
345
00:17:32,167 --> 00:17:34,334
...as the junior high team.
346
00:17:34,417 --> 00:17:40,000
And so, the coach, in order
to... even out the teams,
347
00:17:40,083 --> 00:17:44,125
he suggested I play
with my people.
348
00:17:44,209 --> 00:17:46,959
(laughter)
349
00:17:49,417 --> 00:17:52,417
And I remember thinking,
"Oh no. This is--
350
00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:55,209
I'm gonna put so much pressure
on myself," and I did.
351
00:17:55,292 --> 00:17:58,626
I thought, "I'm not just playing
for the synagogue.
352
00:17:58,709 --> 00:18:00,918
I'm playing for Yahweh."
353
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:03,500
(laughter)
354
00:18:03,584 --> 00:18:06,250
I'm playing for
the synagogue, my rabbi.
355
00:18:06,334 --> 00:18:09,000
I'm carrying this religion.
356
00:18:09,083 --> 00:18:11,167
(laughter)
357
00:18:12,083 --> 00:18:15,542
And I went out there
and I choked.
358
00:18:15,626 --> 00:18:17,876
I went "oh for chai."
359
00:18:17,959 --> 00:18:20,584
(laughter, applause)
360
00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:24,250
Chai is 18 in Hebrew,
361
00:18:24,334 --> 00:18:27,125
and it would take the rest of
the show to explain to you why,
362
00:18:27,209 --> 00:18:31,083
but I couldn't make a shot,
363
00:18:31,167 --> 00:18:33,167
and we got crushed.
364
00:18:33,250 --> 00:18:38,125
And I went home
and I was inconsolable,
I was devastated.
365
00:18:38,209 --> 00:18:41,626
I felt, I've let down
every Jewish person.
366
00:18:41,709 --> 00:18:45,125
I have let down Sandy Koufax,
and Dolph Schayes,
367
00:18:45,209 --> 00:18:47,834
and Garry Shandling,
and Bugs Bunny.
368
00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:50,250
-Every Jew...
-(laughter)
369
00:18:50,334 --> 00:18:52,375
...I have let down.
370
00:18:52,459 --> 00:18:56,000
And I remember I was devastated
because I thought
371
00:18:56,083 --> 00:18:58,542
"Not only am I never gonna be
a great basketball player,
372
00:18:58,626 --> 00:19:00,876
I'm gonna hate myself
for the rest of my life."
373
00:19:00,959 --> 00:19:03,500
And I went into my
mother's medicine cabinet,
374
00:19:03,584 --> 00:19:06,792
and she had this bottle
of sleeping pills.
375
00:19:06,876 --> 00:19:10,042
And I opened them up,
and I poured them into my hand.
376
00:19:10,125 --> 00:19:13,125
And, thank God,
as I looked at them,
377
00:19:13,209 --> 00:19:17,667
I thought to myself,
"You know, my mom is not
much of a housekeeper.
378
00:19:17,751 --> 00:19:19,751
And these feel old."
379
00:19:19,834 --> 00:19:22,125
(laughter)
380
00:19:22,667 --> 00:19:24,334
Like, maybe
I'm misremembering this,
381
00:19:24,417 --> 00:19:27,918
but I remember them,
I was like, "These are rusty."
382
00:19:28,042 --> 00:19:30,083
(laughter)
383
00:19:30,834 --> 00:19:34,042
And it didn't have
a childproof cap.
384
00:19:34,834 --> 00:19:36,751
It had a cork.
385
00:19:36,834 --> 00:19:39,500
(laughter)
386
00:19:40,417 --> 00:19:41,918
And I remember the thinking,
387
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:45,667
it was, "If I take these
and they don't work,
we're broke.
388
00:19:45,751 --> 00:19:48,250
"There's going
to be an ambulance,
an emergency room visit.
389
00:19:48,334 --> 00:19:51,083
-My mother is going to kill me."
-(laughter)
390
00:19:51,167 --> 00:19:53,000
So, I put the cork
back in there,
391
00:19:53,083 --> 00:19:55,250
and I put them back
in the medicine cabinet,
392
00:19:55,334 --> 00:19:58,042
and I just went on
suffering silently,
393
00:19:58,125 --> 00:20:00,584
which was the only thing
you could do back then.
394
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:03,792
The only antidepressants
we had access to
395
00:20:03,876 --> 00:20:08,125
in the 1970s and '80s
pretty much was,
396
00:20:08,209 --> 00:20:11,459
-"Snap out of it..."
-(laughter)
397
00:20:11,542 --> 00:20:14,375
...and "What have you got
to be depressed about?"
398
00:20:14,459 --> 00:20:18,292
That was the second leading
brand of antidepressant.
399
00:20:18,375 --> 00:20:20,792
(laughter)
400
00:20:22,292 --> 00:20:26,167
And so, I just...
suffered in silence.
401
00:20:26,250 --> 00:20:30,709
And the other thing is,
millennials have
a much healthier attitude
402
00:20:30,792 --> 00:20:33,292
towards sports
than we had growing up.
403
00:20:33,375 --> 00:20:35,918
Like, I grew up
with the expression:
404
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:39,167
"Winning isn't everything.
It's the only thing."
405
00:20:39,250 --> 00:20:40,292
(laughter)
406
00:20:40,375 --> 00:20:43,334
Which is so easy
to poke a hole in.
407
00:20:43,417 --> 00:20:45,667
It's the only thing, really?
408
00:20:45,751 --> 00:20:47,709
What about...
409
00:20:47,792 --> 00:20:49,417
collage?
410
00:20:49,500 --> 00:20:52,667
(laughter)
411
00:20:53,292 --> 00:20:54,667
Collage is a thing
412
00:20:54,751 --> 00:20:58,751
and infinitely more relaxing
than winning, honestly.
413
00:21:00,959 --> 00:21:05,500
And it's interesting
because millennials
take so much flak,
414
00:21:05,584 --> 00:21:07,918
so much guff.
415
00:21:08,918 --> 00:21:12,626
-Flak as well as guff.
-(laughter)
416
00:21:13,626 --> 00:21:16,000
I don't know which
irritates me more,
417
00:21:16,083 --> 00:21:17,709
the flak or the guff.
418
00:21:17,792 --> 00:21:19,209
(laughter)
419
00:21:19,292 --> 00:21:21,667
From middle-aged men
420
00:21:21,751 --> 00:21:24,167
talking about
participation trophies.
421
00:21:24,250 --> 00:21:27,250
Their argument is, "How are
they gonna learn how to lose?
422
00:21:27,334 --> 00:21:29,584
How are they gonna
learn how to lose?"
423
00:21:29,667 --> 00:21:32,626
-Oh, they'll get some practice.
-(laughter)
424
00:21:32,709 --> 00:21:35,876
You familiar at all with life?
425
00:21:35,959 --> 00:21:38,417
(laughter)
426
00:21:38,500 --> 00:21:41,500
(applauding)
427
00:21:41,584 --> 00:21:44,250
(cheering)
428
00:21:44,334 --> 00:21:46,709
Oh, it's mostly losing!
429
00:21:46,792 --> 00:21:48,083
(laughter)
430
00:21:48,167 --> 00:21:52,250
My 20s? Oh, losing streak
that would embarrass the Browns.
431
00:21:53,292 --> 00:21:56,834
-Cleveland and Charlie!
-(laughter)
432
00:21:56,918 --> 00:21:58,584
Give them
a participation trophy.
433
00:21:58,667 --> 00:22:00,626
They deserve it.
They're putting down
434
00:22:00,709 --> 00:22:03,626
the most exciting video
games in the history
435
00:22:03,709 --> 00:22:08,167
of zeros and ones
for three hours
436
00:22:08,250 --> 00:22:10,500
to play Little
League Baseball,
437
00:22:10,584 --> 00:22:14,000
a more boring version
of Major League Baseball.
438
00:22:14,083 --> 00:22:15,918
(laughter)
439
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:19,876
-(applauding)
-I... (laughs)
440
00:22:21,167 --> 00:22:23,459
I love Major League Baseball
441
00:22:23,542 --> 00:22:25,876
because I was
indoctrinated very young.
442
00:22:25,959 --> 00:22:28,417
But there's so much downtime
443
00:22:28,500 --> 00:22:30,083
in a Major League Baseball game.
444
00:22:30,167 --> 00:22:34,542
You can do your taxes during
a Major League Baseball game,
445
00:22:34,626 --> 00:22:36,667
and coach first base.
446
00:22:36,751 --> 00:22:39,751
-So much downtime.
-(laughter)
447
00:22:40,500 --> 00:22:43,375
Give them a trophy.
448
00:22:43,459 --> 00:22:45,042
"It's a fake trophy."
449
00:22:45,125 --> 00:22:50,209
Oh, as opposed to your
real fantasy football team?
450
00:22:50,292 --> 00:22:51,792
(laughter)
451
00:22:51,876 --> 00:22:56,042
You spend 20 plus hours a week
with nine other lost souls,
452
00:22:56,125 --> 00:23:00,125
pretending that you're
a football general manager.
453
00:23:00,209 --> 00:23:02,292
(laughter)
454
00:23:02,375 --> 00:23:04,500
(applauding)
455
00:23:04,584 --> 00:23:07,125
Not a player, not a coach.
456
00:23:07,209 --> 00:23:09,918
-An administrator!
-(laughter)
457
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:12,792
And you're gonna
begrudge a seven-year-old
458
00:23:12,876 --> 00:23:15,292
a memento of an idyllic time?
459
00:23:15,375 --> 00:23:17,918
How dare you!
460
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:21,042
(applauding)
461
00:23:24,459 --> 00:23:26,792
And I don't feel like
I needed nor deserved
462
00:23:26,876 --> 00:23:29,167
a participation trophy
growing up because,
463
00:23:29,250 --> 00:23:32,751
really, there was
nothing else to do besides
play Little League Baseball.
464
00:23:32,834 --> 00:23:35,751
I once spent an entire Sunday,
465
00:23:36,918 --> 00:23:41,626
from 9:30 a.m. until dusk,
466
00:23:41,709 --> 00:23:45,834
scouring my lawn
for a four-leaf clover.
467
00:23:45,918 --> 00:23:50,667
(laughter, applause)
468
00:23:51,417 --> 00:23:53,667
(cheering)
469
00:23:53,751 --> 00:23:56,500
Because, at seven years old,
470
00:23:56,584 --> 00:23:59,584
I felt I needed some luck.
471
00:23:59,667 --> 00:24:01,500
(laughter)
472
00:24:01,584 --> 00:24:04,292
I thought, if I'm gonna
turn this ship around,
473
00:24:04,375 --> 00:24:08,626
I'm going to need some
supernatural intervention.
474
00:24:08,709 --> 00:24:11,709
Not realizing, of course,
in the irony of ironies,
475
00:24:11,792 --> 00:24:15,334
that I would never have greater
fortune again in my life
476
00:24:15,417 --> 00:24:17,083
than having the free time
477
00:24:17,167 --> 00:24:21,209
to scan the grass
for a mythical weed!
478
00:24:21,292 --> 00:24:22,918
(laughter)
479
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,500
It was the best of times.
480
00:24:25,584 --> 00:24:27,751
(laughter)
481
00:24:27,834 --> 00:24:31,459
♪ ♪
482
00:24:31,542 --> 00:24:33,584
-What's your name again?
-(laughs)
483
00:24:33,667 --> 00:24:35,542
I'm Gary Gulman.
484
00:24:35,626 --> 00:24:37,709
-The Gary Gulman.
-Producer: How far
back do you guys go?
485
00:24:37,792 --> 00:24:42,459
We met in 1993 at the back
of Nick's Comedy Stop,
486
00:24:42,542 --> 00:24:44,167
-in Boston.
-Yep.
487
00:24:44,250 --> 00:24:46,417
And then we worked together--
488
00:24:46,500 --> 00:24:48,792
Dude, I remember your
first day waiting tables.
489
00:24:48,876 --> 00:24:51,083
And I remember you
put the apron on,
490
00:24:51,167 --> 00:24:52,918
and you went out,
you got the little notepad...
491
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,584
-Yeah. Right.
-...which looks smaller
in your hand.
492
00:24:55,667 --> 00:24:57,667
-And your hand was shaking.
-Oh, yeah. I was shaking.
493
00:24:57,751 --> 00:24:59,334
-You were so nervous.
-Yeah.
494
00:24:59,417 --> 00:25:01,292
I was like, aw.
495
00:25:01,375 --> 00:25:04,500
-But then we became
really close and bonded...
-Yeah.
496
00:25:04,584 --> 00:25:06,083
...doing comedy at night,
497
00:25:06,167 --> 00:25:08,334
that in the morning, and then...
498
00:25:08,834 --> 00:25:11,334
cigars and comic books
in the afternoon.
499
00:25:11,417 --> 00:25:14,250
Yeah, we'd sit there and smoke
cigars, talk comic books...
500
00:25:14,334 --> 00:25:15,667
-Yeah.
-...and then comedy...
501
00:25:15,751 --> 00:25:18,083
-Yeah.
-...and we would just gossip.
502
00:25:18,167 --> 00:25:19,918
Yeah. Yes!
503
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:21,709
One of my favorite
people to gossip with.
504
00:25:21,792 --> 00:25:23,918
(laughs)
505
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,834
♪ ♪
506
00:25:28,542 --> 00:25:30,709
I never started
telling anybody about
507
00:25:30,792 --> 00:25:34,792
my mood difficulties back then.
508
00:25:34,876 --> 00:25:37,250
And I didn't start
telling people
509
00:25:37,334 --> 00:25:39,959
close to me until
this past year,
510
00:25:40,042 --> 00:25:42,250
when I started talking
about it on stage.
511
00:25:42,334 --> 00:25:46,584
I really thought I had seen
the worst of it until, like,
512
00:25:46,667 --> 00:25:50,042
2017, when I went
into the hospital
513
00:25:50,125 --> 00:25:53,125
and told...
told no one.
514
00:25:53,209 --> 00:25:55,792
-Yeah, I didn't know
that either, buddy.
-Yeah.
515
00:25:55,876 --> 00:25:58,876
-I knew you said you were
moving back to Boston.
-Yeah.
516
00:25:58,959 --> 00:26:01,125
I got really sick
with depression
517
00:26:01,209 --> 00:26:03,751
and dropped out of comedy,
dropped out of working.
518
00:26:03,834 --> 00:26:06,542
I got a job as
a camp counselor
at a summer camp
519
00:26:06,626 --> 00:26:09,626
-for teenagers.
-What the fuck? Really?
520
00:26:09,709 --> 00:26:12,083
Yeah, because I was afraid
that I wasn't going to be able
521
00:26:12,167 --> 00:26:15,584
to earn a living to pay my rent.
522
00:26:15,667 --> 00:26:20,209
And when you're depressed,
you're catastrophizing,
523
00:26:20,292 --> 00:26:22,042
-and you think...
-Yeah.
524
00:26:22,125 --> 00:26:24,459
...I'm gonna be homeless,
not thinking that,
525
00:26:24,542 --> 00:26:26,834
worst case, I could
live in your shed.
526
00:26:27,792 --> 00:26:29,500
-Yeah.
-I mean, the way you paused
527
00:26:29,584 --> 00:26:31,959
when I put out
living in your shed,
528
00:26:32,042 --> 00:26:34,000
I mean, was the shed
not open to me?
529
00:26:34,083 --> 00:26:36,959
No, the shed's open to you.
I was just thinking how much
I would have to charge you.
530
00:26:37,042 --> 00:26:38,792
-(laughing)
-'Cause I couldn't just
give it to you for free.
531
00:26:38,876 --> 00:26:40,500
-I'd have to give you goals.
-Right, right.
532
00:26:40,584 --> 00:26:44,834
It's funny 'cause I didn't know
I had depression until
a few years ago.
533
00:26:44,918 --> 00:26:47,375
-Right.
-I just thought that's--
534
00:26:47,459 --> 00:26:48,626
That's how
everybody is.
535
00:26:48,709 --> 00:26:49,959
You get great at something,
536
00:26:50,042 --> 00:26:51,959
then you feel good about
yourself, that's the reward.
537
00:26:52,042 --> 00:26:54,709
And then you get great
at something, and you're like,
I still feel the same.
538
00:26:54,792 --> 00:26:56,918
It's also, too,
in my depression--
539
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:58,959
If I remove the depression,
540
00:26:59,042 --> 00:27:01,417
-then I'm gonna
remove the funny.
-Oh, yeah.
541
00:27:02,083 --> 00:27:04,042
-Huge myth.
-Yeah, it's a myth.
542
00:27:04,125 --> 00:27:06,584
Like, if I get married,
I'm not gonna be funny anymore.
543
00:27:06,667 --> 00:27:08,125
-If I have a kid...
-Yeah.
544
00:27:08,209 --> 00:27:11,334
...I'm not gonna be funny.
If I get healthy, mentally--
545
00:27:11,417 --> 00:27:14,375
Any kind of contentment
is the enemy of...
546
00:27:14,459 --> 00:27:16,959
Is the enemy of funny
when, actually,
it's the reverse.
547
00:27:17,042 --> 00:27:18,209
Yes, absolutely.
548
00:27:18,292 --> 00:27:19,834
Isn't it weird though?
Why do we think that?
549
00:27:19,918 --> 00:27:22,125
Why are we so old
and figuring this out?
550
00:27:22,209 --> 00:27:24,209
(laughing)
551
00:27:24,292 --> 00:27:26,000
(audience laughing)
552
00:27:26,083 --> 00:27:28,167
I envy millennials.
553
00:27:28,626 --> 00:27:31,000
Not just their healthier
attitude toward sports,
554
00:27:31,083 --> 00:27:33,459
but their nine ESPNs.
555
00:27:33,542 --> 00:27:34,918
(laughter)
556
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,500
You have nine ESPNs.
557
00:27:37,584 --> 00:27:39,167
Literally.
558
00:27:40,167 --> 00:27:42,751
My generation's
version of literally.
559
00:27:42,834 --> 00:27:45,167
(laughing)
560
00:27:45,250 --> 00:27:47,542
(applauding)
561
00:27:47,626 --> 00:27:50,751
That's my one quibble
with millennials
562
00:27:50,834 --> 00:27:53,959
is how you hijacked
the word "literally" from us.
563
00:27:54,042 --> 00:27:59,918
Literally, a rich history--
since its inception in 1525,
564
00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:03,292
it meant "actually"
or "unequivocally."
565
00:28:03,375 --> 00:28:05,500
And then, around 2008,
millennials said,
566
00:28:05,584 --> 00:28:08,167
"Oh no, it also
means figuratively."
567
00:28:08,250 --> 00:28:11,125
(laughing)
568
00:28:11,209 --> 00:28:14,292
-(applauding)
-Yes.
569
00:28:14,375 --> 00:28:16,667
-(cheering)
-(laughs)
570
00:28:16,751 --> 00:28:19,334
Yes, it will contain
its own antonym.
571
00:28:19,417 --> 00:28:22,542
(laughing)
572
00:28:22,626 --> 00:28:25,042
And there's nothing
you can do about it.
573
00:28:25,125 --> 00:28:27,209
You don't have the energy.
You're too exhausted.
574
00:28:27,292 --> 00:28:30,334
And you know what?
You've destroyed our future
and buried us in debt.
575
00:28:30,417 --> 00:28:34,751
It's the least you can do,
is give us "literally"
for the time remaining.
576
00:28:34,834 --> 00:28:36,459
(laughing)
577
00:28:36,542 --> 00:28:37,959
Nine ESPNs.
578
00:28:38,042 --> 00:28:41,834
I grew up-- basically,
we had three channels.
579
00:28:42,459 --> 00:28:44,667
But because television
was so mediocre,
580
00:28:44,751 --> 00:28:48,083
there was only one
conflict each week.
581
00:28:48,167 --> 00:28:50,000
Sunday nights at 7:00.
582
00:28:50,083 --> 00:28:53,584
I had an 8 p.m. bedtime,
583
00:28:53,667 --> 00:28:57,918
and at 7:00, I wanted to watch
The Wonderful World of Disney,
584
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:00,375
which was a beautiful animated--
585
00:29:00,459 --> 00:29:04,209
They would show
animated Disney movies.
586
00:29:04,792 --> 00:29:08,334
And it opened with
Tinkerbell flying around
587
00:29:08,417 --> 00:29:12,626
Cinderella's castle,
shooting live-action fireworks
588
00:29:12,709 --> 00:29:16,876
out of her animated wand,
to the tune of...
589
00:29:16,959 --> 00:29:20,918
♪ When you wish upon a star ♪
590
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:25,250
♪ Makes no difference
who you are ♪
591
00:29:26,876 --> 00:29:29,459
A promise that Disney
could not keep.
592
00:29:29,542 --> 00:29:31,751
(laughing)
593
00:29:32,626 --> 00:29:34,792
Historically, in America,
certain groups have had
594
00:29:34,876 --> 00:29:37,375
more luck wishing
upon stars than others.
595
00:29:37,459 --> 00:29:39,125
(laughing)
596
00:29:39,209 --> 00:29:41,417
But at seven,
I couldn't disagree.
597
00:29:42,042 --> 00:29:44,000
I have no idea how
that song ended
598
00:29:44,083 --> 00:29:45,959
because it was always
at that point that my mother
599
00:29:46,042 --> 00:29:47,876
would get up
and change the channel
600
00:29:47,959 --> 00:29:51,959
from The Wonderful
World of Disney to 60 Minutes.
601
00:29:52,042 --> 00:29:53,417
(laughing)
602
00:29:53,500 --> 00:29:57,626
The exact opposite
of The Wonderful
World of Disney.
603
00:29:57,709 --> 00:29:59,792
From...
♪ When you wish upon ♪
604
00:29:59,876 --> 00:30:03,626
-to... (imitates
ticking stopwatch).
-(laughing)
605
00:30:03,709 --> 00:30:08,125
The most sinister theme song
in television history.
606
00:30:08,209 --> 00:30:10,375
That noise... (ticking),
607
00:30:10,459 --> 00:30:13,792
to this day, gives me
a pit in my stomach.
608
00:30:13,876 --> 00:30:15,292
-(laughing)
-(ticking)
609
00:30:15,375 --> 00:30:17,751
Oh dear God.
Is all my homework done?
610
00:30:17,834 --> 00:30:19,125
(laughing)
611
00:30:19,209 --> 00:30:21,417
In nine hours, I'll be bullied!
612
00:30:21,500 --> 00:30:26,000
-(applauding)
-(ticking)
613
00:30:27,626 --> 00:30:31,834
And that clock, that stopwatch,
in the middle of the TV
614
00:30:31,918 --> 00:30:36,584
would count down the final hour
of my glorious weekend.
615
00:30:37,417 --> 00:30:40,918
And the entire show was
just inventory for nightmares.
616
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:42,959
(laughing)
617
00:30:43,042 --> 00:30:47,083
Every feature
was just miserable.
618
00:30:47,167 --> 00:30:49,542
And they were all
about Soviet aggression
619
00:30:49,626 --> 00:30:51,751
and nuclear apocalypse
620
00:30:51,834 --> 00:30:53,918
and...(ticking)
621
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:56,959
The Soviets are coming
to blow up your toys.
622
00:30:57,042 --> 00:30:58,626
-(ticking)
-(laughing)
623
00:30:58,709 --> 00:31:00,751
And then they would
have a lighter story
624
00:31:00,834 --> 00:31:03,500
for the whole family:
kidnapped children.
625
00:31:03,584 --> 00:31:05,834
(laughing)
626
00:31:06,500 --> 00:31:09,292
There was a hysteria
627
00:31:09,375 --> 00:31:11,959
over kidnapped children.
628
00:31:12,042 --> 00:31:13,709
It started in 1981
629
00:31:13,792 --> 00:31:16,584
when a man went
on all the TV news programs
630
00:31:16,667 --> 00:31:18,959
and he claimed that
631
00:31:19,042 --> 00:31:24,417
50,000 American children
a year were being abducted.
632
00:31:24,500 --> 00:31:27,459
And then later on that decade,
he would recant
633
00:31:27,542 --> 00:31:30,250
and say it wasn't quite 50,000.
634
00:31:31,083 --> 00:31:34,626
In fact, it was
no more than 300.
635
00:31:34,709 --> 00:31:36,959
(laughter)
636
00:31:37,459 --> 00:31:41,334
He was off by... 50,000.
637
00:31:41,417 --> 00:31:43,459
(laughter)
638
00:31:43,542 --> 00:31:45,751
(applauding)
639
00:31:45,834 --> 00:31:48,209
But the damage was done!
640
00:31:48,292 --> 00:31:50,125
Nobody pays attention
to the retraction.
641
00:31:50,209 --> 00:31:52,417
They only pay attention
to the initial assertion,
642
00:31:52,500 --> 00:31:55,083
which was,
"You're about to go missing."
643
00:31:55,167 --> 00:31:56,626
(laughter)
644
00:31:56,709 --> 00:31:59,500
The entire nation
went into a panic.
645
00:31:59,584 --> 00:32:01,209
We were traumatized.
646
00:32:01,292 --> 00:32:02,542
There is not a single
647
00:32:02,626 --> 00:32:04,334
person my age
648
00:32:04,417 --> 00:32:06,292
who doesn't break into a sprint
649
00:32:06,375 --> 00:32:08,792
whenever a van slows down.
650
00:32:08,876 --> 00:32:11,542
(laughter)
651
00:32:11,626 --> 00:32:15,167
And this will sound crazy,
but up until that time,
652
00:32:15,250 --> 00:32:18,250
vans were beloved!
653
00:32:18,334 --> 00:32:20,334
(laughter)
654
00:32:20,417 --> 00:32:22,792
They were used,
almost exclusively,
655
00:32:22,876 --> 00:32:26,250
-to solve mysteries.
-(laughter)
656
00:32:26,334 --> 00:32:29,417
(applause)
657
00:32:30,709 --> 00:32:34,250
And then this man destroyed vans
658
00:32:34,334 --> 00:32:36,375
-and our innocence.
-(laughter)
659
00:32:36,459 --> 00:32:40,459
With information, by the way,
completely inactionable.
660
00:32:40,542 --> 00:32:42,209
There was nothing we could do
661
00:32:42,292 --> 00:32:44,876
with the information
that there were missing kids.
662
00:32:44,959 --> 00:32:46,542
We didn't have the technology.
663
00:32:46,626 --> 00:32:49,292
There was no AMBER alerts,
no text messaging,
664
00:32:49,375 --> 00:32:51,292
no social media.
665
00:32:51,375 --> 00:32:53,209
All we had...
666
00:32:53,292 --> 00:32:54,876
was milk.
667
00:32:54,959 --> 00:32:57,375
(laughter)
668
00:32:57,459 --> 00:32:58,626
(clapping)
669
00:32:58,709 --> 00:33:00,709
Now, that sounds made up.
670
00:33:00,792 --> 00:33:02,709
(laughter)
671
00:33:02,792 --> 00:33:05,751
But it's true. They
would put a picture...
672
00:33:06,834 --> 00:33:08,209
of a missing kid
673
00:33:08,292 --> 00:33:09,959
on the side of every
674
00:33:10,042 --> 00:33:12,167
lunchtime milk carton,
675
00:33:12,250 --> 00:33:15,709
and these doomed
waifs would stare at us
676
00:33:15,792 --> 00:33:18,876
throughout our lunch,
accusingly, as if to say,
677
00:33:18,959 --> 00:33:20,959
"How can you eat
at a time like this?"
678
00:33:21,042 --> 00:33:22,167
(laughter)
679
00:33:22,250 --> 00:33:23,959
"I'm at the bottom of
a well. You're eating
680
00:33:24,042 --> 00:33:26,500
peanut butter
and jelly on matzo."
681
00:33:26,584 --> 00:33:28,834
(laughter)
682
00:33:28,918 --> 00:33:30,250
And I'm looking,
and I feel terrible.
683
00:33:30,334 --> 00:33:33,459
I'm like, what, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry, but...
684
00:33:33,542 --> 00:33:36,626
what am I supposed
to do about it?
685
00:33:36,709 --> 00:33:39,292
-I'm six!
-(laughter)
686
00:33:39,375 --> 00:33:42,167
Yeah, Mrs. Burns, I'm gonna
miss music class again today.
687
00:33:42,250 --> 00:33:45,292
The West Lynn Creamery
has me on another case.
688
00:33:45,375 --> 00:33:48,751
(laughter)
689
00:33:48,834 --> 00:33:51,459
Yeah, I'm just gonna
follow up on this one lead.
690
00:33:51,542 --> 00:33:52,667
(laughing)
691
00:33:52,751 --> 00:33:55,375
(applauding)
692
00:33:55,459 --> 00:33:57,042
(cheering)
693
00:34:00,751 --> 00:34:03,167
It's probably a dead end.
694
00:34:03,250 --> 00:34:04,709
(laughter)
695
00:34:04,792 --> 00:34:07,500
But I'll run it up the flagpole.
696
00:34:08,542 --> 00:34:10,584
Getting too old for this.
697
00:34:10,667 --> 00:34:12,792
(laughter)
698
00:34:12,876 --> 00:34:16,542
♪ ♪
699
00:34:17,459 --> 00:34:19,167
Gary:
Moving into this apartment
700
00:34:19,250 --> 00:34:21,292
was a big step for me because
701
00:34:21,375 --> 00:34:24,459
when I left New York last year,
702
00:34:24,542 --> 00:34:26,584
I was in complete despair,
703
00:34:26,667 --> 00:34:28,918
and I really didn't
know if I'd ever be able
704
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:30,417
to take care of myself again.
705
00:34:30,500 --> 00:34:33,167
This is the apartment
I moved in a few months ago,
706
00:34:33,250 --> 00:34:35,375
-and...
-(dog barks)
707
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:41,250
I... still
haven't unpacked,
708
00:34:41,334 --> 00:34:43,542
as you can see.
709
00:34:43,959 --> 00:34:46,167
This is the view.
710
00:34:48,417 --> 00:34:50,417
The light is very
important to a depressive,
711
00:34:50,500 --> 00:34:52,042
so it has great light.
712
00:34:52,125 --> 00:34:55,292
Of all the 600 square foot
apartments I've lived in
713
00:34:55,375 --> 00:34:57,417
in New York,
this is my favorite.
714
00:34:57,959 --> 00:34:59,417
I had a sick dog,
715
00:34:59,500 --> 00:35:01,334
so it looks
like this entire
716
00:35:01,417 --> 00:35:04,125
cabinet is just filled
with medication, but...
717
00:35:04,209 --> 00:35:06,417
I only take three
of these. I take...
718
00:35:08,500 --> 00:35:10,667
mirtazapine,
719
00:35:10,751 --> 00:35:12,167
duloxetine.
720
00:35:12,250 --> 00:35:14,459
This was just something that
was added recently to keep me
721
00:35:14,542 --> 00:35:16,959
from getting ravenously hungry
in the middle of the night.
722
00:35:17,042 --> 00:35:19,792
That was really, really
hard because one of these
723
00:35:19,876 --> 00:35:21,792
makes you really hungry.
724
00:35:22,375 --> 00:35:24,834
So, it was hard to not
gain weight during the...
725
00:35:24,918 --> 00:35:27,542
during this,
and I'm very vain, so...
726
00:35:27,626 --> 00:35:30,000
So that was, that was hard.
727
00:35:30,083 --> 00:35:32,209
This is a collection of
728
00:35:32,292 --> 00:35:34,584
great thinkers finger puppets.
729
00:35:34,667 --> 00:35:36,167
Sadé, you be Mark Twain--
730
00:35:36,250 --> 00:35:37,584
We have some other
cool ones though.
731
00:35:37,667 --> 00:35:38,959
We've got
Harriet Tubman.
732
00:35:39,042 --> 00:35:40,792
-What about Zora Neale Hurston?
-Oh, Zora Neale Hurston
733
00:35:40,876 --> 00:35:42,751
-because she's from
this neighborhood--
-Right, so--
734
00:35:42,834 --> 00:35:44,042
All right, so
Mark Twain,
735
00:35:44,125 --> 00:35:47,292
and, uh, lemme give
you a topic. The, um,
736
00:35:47,751 --> 00:35:50,459
"Hey, do you think I used the
N-word enough in Huck Finn?"
737
00:35:50,542 --> 00:35:52,751
"Oh my God, not enough.
I'm a writer."
738
00:35:52,834 --> 00:35:54,000
(laughter)
739
00:35:54,083 --> 00:35:57,000
"I'm an author myself.
It's not nearly enough."
740
00:35:57,083 --> 00:35:58,334
"Oh, really?
Think I could...
741
00:35:58,417 --> 00:36:00,417
I really enjoyed
Their Eyes Were Watching God.
742
00:36:00,500 --> 00:36:02,417
-High five.
-All right, high five.
743
00:36:02,500 --> 00:36:04,250
There we go. Yay.
744
00:36:05,459 --> 00:36:08,584
Gary:
At 17 years old, in 1988,
745
00:36:08,667 --> 00:36:13,417
I was six-foot-six
and 255 pounds.
746
00:36:13,500 --> 00:36:16,959
I had built a very convincing...
747
00:36:17,667 --> 00:36:19,083
man-costume.
748
00:36:19,167 --> 00:36:21,083
(laughter)
749
00:36:21,167 --> 00:36:24,125
I looked like a bad, bad man.
750
00:36:24,959 --> 00:36:26,667
But I was still the same inside.
751
00:36:26,751 --> 00:36:29,042
I was still soft.
752
00:36:29,751 --> 00:36:32,959
I was sweet. To put it
in millennial terms,
753
00:36:33,042 --> 00:36:35,459
I have a Gryffindor body
754
00:36:35,542 --> 00:36:37,209
but a Hufflepuff soul.
755
00:36:37,292 --> 00:36:39,709
(laughter)
756
00:36:39,792 --> 00:36:42,375
But I remember the high
school football coach
757
00:36:42,459 --> 00:36:45,751
started to suggest that
I should play football.
758
00:36:45,834 --> 00:36:47,167
And up until that time,
759
00:36:47,250 --> 00:36:49,375
I had just said, "Well, my
mother won't let me." But then,
760
00:36:49,459 --> 00:36:52,250
at six-foot-six,
255 pounds, they...
761
00:36:52,334 --> 00:36:54,626
probably felt I could
overpower her.
762
00:36:54,709 --> 00:36:56,751
(laughter)
763
00:36:56,834 --> 00:36:58,792
And I went out for
the football team,
764
00:36:58,876 --> 00:37:01,500
and I made it, and...
765
00:37:02,250 --> 00:37:04,751
I stood out mostly because
766
00:37:04,834 --> 00:37:07,834
I was just bigger than everyone.
767
00:37:08,542 --> 00:37:10,542
I was six-foot-six.
The average height
768
00:37:10,626 --> 00:37:14,083
of a high school football
player in Massachusetts in 1988
769
00:37:14,167 --> 00:37:16,417
-was maybe five-ten.
-(laughter)
770
00:37:16,500 --> 00:37:18,375
And if you weighed 200 pounds,
771
00:37:18,459 --> 00:37:20,792
you were an offensive lineman.
772
00:37:20,876 --> 00:37:22,334
I played tight end.
773
00:37:22,417 --> 00:37:24,250
They would throw
the ball very high.
774
00:37:24,334 --> 00:37:26,500
I would catch it one-handed
775
00:37:26,584 --> 00:37:29,459
because the ball was so small,
and also I needed to protect
776
00:37:29,542 --> 00:37:32,292
my ribs with this arm,
777
00:37:32,375 --> 00:37:35,334
and then I would
try to avoid danger
778
00:37:35,417 --> 00:37:38,334
for a little while,
and then dive to the ground
779
00:37:38,417 --> 00:37:41,584
-before anybody got
a good headshot on me.
-(laughter)
780
00:37:41,667 --> 00:37:44,709
Because one time, I got...
781
00:37:44,792 --> 00:37:46,334
a helmet-to-helmet hit,
782
00:37:46,417 --> 00:37:49,083
and it woke me right up.
It was...
783
00:37:49,167 --> 00:37:51,500
It was exciting yet
frightening because
784
00:37:51,584 --> 00:37:54,584
I got the helmet-to-helmet hit.
It sounded like a gunshot.
785
00:37:54,667 --> 00:37:56,000
I went to the sidelines,
786
00:37:56,083 --> 00:37:58,042
and the coaches and my
teammates were like,
787
00:37:58,125 --> 00:37:59,667
"Gulman got his bell rung!
788
00:37:59,751 --> 00:38:02,125
-Gulman got his bell rung!"
-(laughter)
789
00:38:02,209 --> 00:38:04,542
"Bell rung." That was the sweet
790
00:38:04,626 --> 00:38:06,918
euphemism we used
for what we now know
791
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:08,918
is a severe concussion.
792
00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:10,959
(laughter)
793
00:38:11,042 --> 00:38:12,834
(applause)
794
00:38:12,918 --> 00:38:14,667
I got my bell rung, yeah.
795
00:38:14,751 --> 00:38:17,417
I don't know the nines
in the times tables,
796
00:38:17,500 --> 00:38:19,751
-but yes.
-(laughter)
797
00:38:19,834 --> 00:38:21,834
I'm one of the guys.
798
00:38:21,918 --> 00:38:23,375
(laughter)
799
00:38:23,459 --> 00:38:25,375
And just went back
into the game.
800
00:38:25,459 --> 00:38:28,167
The concussion
protocol in 1988
801
00:38:28,250 --> 00:38:30,792
was not as elaborate
as it is now.
802
00:38:30,876 --> 00:38:33,334
Now, you see a doctor,
they hold you out,
803
00:38:33,417 --> 00:38:34,792
you have to be
cleared to play again.
804
00:38:34,876 --> 00:38:37,751
The concussion
protocol in 1988 was,
805
00:38:37,834 --> 00:38:40,542
-"You good?"
-(laughter)
806
00:38:42,292 --> 00:38:44,334
So, I played football
my senior year.
807
00:38:44,417 --> 00:38:46,417
I made it through
the entire season.
808
00:38:46,500 --> 00:38:49,500
Played in
the Thanksgiving game, and...
809
00:38:49,584 --> 00:38:51,626
breathed a huge sigh of relief,
810
00:38:51,709 --> 00:38:54,334
and thought, okay, nobody
can really question
811
00:38:54,417 --> 00:38:58,125
my manhood after this
because I played football,
812
00:38:58,209 --> 00:38:59,876
and now, I can just
813
00:38:59,959 --> 00:39:01,918
drink my Sprite in peace.
814
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:04,751
(laughter)
815
00:39:04,834 --> 00:39:06,626
What I didn't realize was that
816
00:39:06,709 --> 00:39:08,417
my high school coach
817
00:39:08,500 --> 00:39:10,959
had sent videos of my games
818
00:39:11,042 --> 00:39:12,709
to a bunch of colleges.
819
00:39:12,792 --> 00:39:15,292
And then, these college
coaches came to my high school
820
00:39:15,375 --> 00:39:18,834
to recruit me to play for them.
And I wound up accepting
821
00:39:18,918 --> 00:39:21,334
a scholarship to Boston College
822
00:39:21,417 --> 00:39:23,918
because the head coach
823
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:26,709
of the Boston College
Eagles football team
824
00:39:26,792 --> 00:39:28,792
two years prior had coached
825
00:39:28,876 --> 00:39:31,417
Heisman Trophy
winner Doug Flutie.
826
00:39:31,959 --> 00:39:33,417
-(murmuring)
-And then two years later,
827
00:39:33,500 --> 00:39:37,167
he was recruiting future
participation trophy advocate...
828
00:39:37,250 --> 00:39:38,959
(laughter)
829
00:39:39,042 --> 00:39:40,459
Gary Gulman.
830
00:39:40,542 --> 00:39:43,667
(applause)
831
00:39:47,375 --> 00:39:49,209
And he sat in my living room
832
00:39:49,292 --> 00:39:52,125
and he was just
a striking figure.
833
00:39:52,209 --> 00:39:54,417
I recognized him
from television,
834
00:39:54,500 --> 00:39:56,334
so there was a charisma in that.
835
00:39:56,417 --> 00:39:58,876
But also, he had this
great head of black hair
836
00:39:58,959 --> 00:40:01,876
and a strong jaw.
He was about six-four.
837
00:40:01,959 --> 00:40:03,751
He was a man's man,
838
00:40:03,834 --> 00:40:05,876
and I-- Ever
since I was a little kid,
839
00:40:05,959 --> 00:40:09,042
I needed to gain
the favor of man's men.
840
00:40:09,125 --> 00:40:12,000
I just wanted them to
think I was a man's man.
841
00:40:12,083 --> 00:40:14,918
And I am a man's man,
842
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:16,834
depending on the man.
843
00:40:16,918 --> 00:40:19,542
(laughter)
844
00:40:19,626 --> 00:40:22,667
For instance, if the man
happens to be Michael
845
00:40:22,751 --> 00:40:25,500
from Michael's Arts and Crafts.
846
00:40:25,584 --> 00:40:27,584
(laughter)
847
00:40:27,667 --> 00:40:29,834
He would love me.
848
00:40:29,918 --> 00:40:33,083
We would get along
famously. I love Michael's.
849
00:40:33,167 --> 00:40:34,667
Oh my word, I...
850
00:40:34,751 --> 00:40:36,667
I call it Classy Joann's.
851
00:40:36,751 --> 00:40:39,000
(laughter)
852
00:40:39,083 --> 00:40:40,459
(applause)
853
00:40:40,542 --> 00:40:42,876
Joann's is fine,
but it's always in disarray,
854
00:40:42,959 --> 00:40:45,209
whereas Michael's
is always in array.
855
00:40:45,292 --> 00:40:48,167
(laughter)
856
00:40:48,250 --> 00:40:49,792
But this...
857
00:40:49,876 --> 00:40:51,292
coach sat in my living room,
858
00:40:51,375 --> 00:40:53,918
and I'll never forget it.
He said, "Son..."
859
00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:56,792
And (scoffs) you call me son...
860
00:40:56,876 --> 00:40:58,292
(laughter)
861
00:40:58,375 --> 00:41:00,459
I will get right in your van.
862
00:41:00,542 --> 00:41:03,876
(laughter, applause)
863
00:41:03,959 --> 00:41:07,375
It's like an arm around
the shoulder. He said, "Son,
864
00:41:07,459 --> 00:41:10,250
I'm gonna go ahead
and offer you a scholarship."
865
00:41:10,334 --> 00:41:12,334
And I remember
thinking to myself,
866
00:41:12,417 --> 00:41:14,500
"I was afraid this
was gonna happen."
867
00:41:14,584 --> 00:41:16,167
(laughter)
868
00:41:17,083 --> 00:41:19,709
'Cause I knew
I had to accept it.
869
00:41:19,792 --> 00:41:23,125
It was February
of my senior year.
870
00:41:23,209 --> 00:41:26,584
I hadn't applied to
a single college.
871
00:41:26,667 --> 00:41:29,334
I had tried, and then
I would get to the part
872
00:41:29,417 --> 00:41:31,626
where they ask you
to write an essay.
873
00:41:32,125 --> 00:41:34,125
-(sighs)
-(laughter)
874
00:41:34,209 --> 00:41:35,918
Made me so anxious.
875
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:38,584
I really feel,
in some way, that...
876
00:41:38,667 --> 00:41:41,542
my aversion to essays
had saved my life
877
00:41:41,626 --> 00:41:45,250
again and again, because
anytime I've contemplated
878
00:41:45,334 --> 00:41:48,417
suicide, I've thought,
"You gotta leave a note."
879
00:41:48,500 --> 00:41:50,417
(laughter)
880
00:41:50,500 --> 00:41:52,626
(applause)
881
00:42:01,334 --> 00:42:04,417
I'm not spending
the last hour of my life...
882
00:42:04,500 --> 00:42:06,042
(laughter)
883
00:42:06,125 --> 00:42:09,918
...doing something I've
dreaded throughout it.
884
00:42:11,834 --> 00:42:13,375
So, I knew I was
going to accept it.
885
00:42:13,459 --> 00:42:15,125
One, I hadn't applied
anywhere else.
886
00:42:15,209 --> 00:42:17,459
My grades, because of my
depression and anxiety,
887
00:42:17,542 --> 00:42:19,542
were... very mediocre.
888
00:42:19,626 --> 00:42:22,083
My SAT scores,
very average.
889
00:42:22,167 --> 00:42:24,167
This was the best school
I was gonna get into.
890
00:42:24,250 --> 00:42:27,584
Also, we didn't have the money
to pay for a private college.
891
00:42:27,667 --> 00:42:29,751
I wasn't going to be able
to go to as good a school
892
00:42:29,834 --> 00:42:32,626
as Boston College. So,
I had to accept it,
893
00:42:32,709 --> 00:42:34,459
but I also knew...
894
00:42:34,542 --> 00:42:36,834
I just had this feeling
that there was a catch.
895
00:42:36,918 --> 00:42:39,959
Like that he was gonna
expect me to play football.
896
00:42:40,042 --> 00:42:42,500
(laughter)
897
00:42:44,834 --> 00:42:47,417
But he was just so
convincing. He said, "Son,
898
00:42:47,500 --> 00:42:49,209
"you're 17 years old,
899
00:42:49,292 --> 00:42:51,626
and you have an NFL body."
900
00:42:51,709 --> 00:42:53,250
And I remember
thinking to myself,
901
00:42:53,334 --> 00:42:55,667
"Well, that may be true, but I--
902
00:42:55,751 --> 00:42:57,250
"Oh, how I wish
I could tell you that
903
00:42:57,334 --> 00:43:00,042
"no more than 10 feet
from where we're sitting,
904
00:43:00,125 --> 00:43:03,250
I also have a blankie."
905
00:43:03,334 --> 00:43:05,459
(laughter, clapping)
906
00:43:08,083 --> 00:43:12,167
I had a blankie
at 17 years old!
907
00:43:12,709 --> 00:43:14,125
Let me rephrase that.
908
00:43:14,209 --> 00:43:16,167
I have a blankie!
909
00:43:16,250 --> 00:43:18,209
(laughter)
910
00:43:18,292 --> 00:43:21,417
(applause, cheering)
911
00:43:23,167 --> 00:43:26,375
-It's on my pillow right now.
-(laughter)
912
00:43:26,459 --> 00:43:29,042
I can't sleep without it.
It's something doctors call
913
00:43:29,125 --> 00:43:31,125
"Linus Van Pelt syndrome."
914
00:43:31,209 --> 00:43:33,626
(laughter)
915
00:43:35,209 --> 00:43:37,626
And I accepted the scholarship,
916
00:43:37,709 --> 00:43:39,792
and I went to training camp,
917
00:43:39,876 --> 00:43:41,792
and I trained hard
before I got there.
918
00:43:41,876 --> 00:43:43,626
I got into excellent shape.
919
00:43:43,709 --> 00:43:47,125
I put on another 10 pounds,
I was 265 pounds.
920
00:43:47,709 --> 00:43:50,709
But I got there, and...
921
00:43:50,792 --> 00:43:52,709
I just, I knew before
I even got there
922
00:43:52,792 --> 00:43:54,125
I thought, yes,
923
00:43:54,209 --> 00:43:57,042
against the Lilliputians,
I can stand out.
924
00:43:57,125 --> 00:43:58,834
-(laughter)
-But I'm going to a place
925
00:43:58,918 --> 00:44:01,500
where everybody's as big as me.
926
00:44:01,584 --> 00:44:03,375
And I just-- oh, these guys,
927
00:44:03,459 --> 00:44:05,375
they love to hit.
928
00:44:05,459 --> 00:44:07,209
-(laughter)
-And I loved
929
00:44:07,292 --> 00:44:08,959
to read.
930
00:44:09,042 --> 00:44:11,751
(laughter)
931
00:44:11,834 --> 00:44:13,959
And within days,
932
00:44:14,042 --> 00:44:16,459
I came undone. I remember.
933
00:44:16,542 --> 00:44:18,667
I was 265 when I got there.
934
00:44:18,751 --> 00:44:22,542
I couldn't eat. I lost
30 pounds in three weeks.
935
00:44:22,918 --> 00:44:25,417
I was sleeping from
the moment practice ended
936
00:44:25,500 --> 00:44:27,375
until it started
again the next day.
937
00:44:27,459 --> 00:44:30,375
I was oversleeping
practices. I...
938
00:44:30,459 --> 00:44:32,417
was so sick. I was suicidal,
939
00:44:32,500 --> 00:44:35,542
and after three weeks,
I went to the trainer,
940
00:44:35,626 --> 00:44:38,083
and I told him I need to quit.
941
00:44:38,167 --> 00:44:39,334
I can't do this anymore.
942
00:44:39,417 --> 00:44:41,834
But I explained to
him what was going on,
943
00:44:41,918 --> 00:44:43,959
and thank heaven,
944
00:44:44,042 --> 00:44:47,083
this guy was sharp,
and he sent me to a therapist.
945
00:44:47,167 --> 00:44:49,709
This was 1989.
This was 10 years
946
00:44:49,792 --> 00:44:52,459
before The Sopranos
made it cool for big men
947
00:44:52,542 --> 00:44:54,042
-to seek therapy.
-(laughter)
948
00:44:54,125 --> 00:44:56,542
This guy was ahead of his time.
949
00:44:56,626 --> 00:44:58,459
And he sent me. He said,
950
00:44:58,542 --> 00:45:00,334
"I'm excusing you
from practice.
951
00:45:00,417 --> 00:45:03,542
Go meet with my friend
who's a therapist here."
952
00:45:03,626 --> 00:45:05,709
And I met with him, and therapy,
953
00:45:05,792 --> 00:45:07,626
oh my word. What a revelation.
954
00:45:07,709 --> 00:45:10,876
Saved my life over
and over again.
955
00:45:10,959 --> 00:45:13,292
-Therapy, yes...
-(applause)
956
00:45:13,375 --> 00:45:15,667
(cheering)
957
00:45:15,751 --> 00:45:16,834
Yeah.
958
00:45:19,334 --> 00:45:21,459
I still see a therapist.
959
00:45:21,542 --> 00:45:22,876
I still see
a therapist.
960
00:45:22,959 --> 00:45:24,876
I believe I broke
him on Monday.
961
00:45:24,959 --> 00:45:26,542
(laughter)
962
00:45:26,626 --> 00:45:29,417
Yeah, I was leaving his office,
and I was shutting the door,
963
00:45:29,500 --> 00:45:31,125
and I heard him go...
964
00:45:31,209 --> 00:45:33,584
(sighs heavily)
965
00:45:33,667 --> 00:45:35,709
(laughter)
966
00:45:36,751 --> 00:45:38,584
But yes. Therapy,
967
00:45:38,667 --> 00:45:41,751
as well as medication.
Antidepressants.
968
00:45:41,834 --> 00:45:44,250
I have taken antidepressants
969
00:45:44,334 --> 00:45:46,334
on and on...
970
00:45:46,417 --> 00:45:48,500
(laughter)
971
00:45:49,542 --> 00:45:51,709
...for 30 years, and
972
00:45:51,792 --> 00:45:55,500
because of the nature
of antidepressants,
973
00:45:55,584 --> 00:45:57,626
sometimes they don't work,
974
00:45:57,709 --> 00:46:00,459
and you have to try something
else. Sometimes, they work,
975
00:46:00,542 --> 00:46:03,083
and then they stop working, and
you have to try something else.
976
00:46:03,167 --> 00:46:05,375
Sometimes, they work,
but they're not good enough.
977
00:46:05,459 --> 00:46:07,667
You need to augment
them with something.
978
00:46:07,751 --> 00:46:10,042
So, over the years,
I have tried...
979
00:46:10,125 --> 00:46:12,626
Pamelor, Nortriptyline,
Wellbutrin,
980
00:46:12,709 --> 00:46:14,918
Zoloft, Paxil, Abilify,
981
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:18,626
Adderall, Ativan, Klonopin,
982
00:46:18,709 --> 00:46:22,417
duloxetine,
mirtazapine, sertraline,
983
00:46:22,500 --> 00:46:24,959
Effexor, Celexa, Zyprexa.
984
00:46:25,042 --> 00:46:26,209
(laughter)
985
00:46:26,292 --> 00:46:27,918
At one point my doctor said,
986
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:30,792
"Let's just try
drugs that rhyme."
987
00:46:30,876 --> 00:46:33,792
(laughter)
988
00:46:34,334 --> 00:46:36,375
Thank you, Dr. Seuss.
989
00:46:36,459 --> 00:46:38,125
(laughter)
990
00:46:38,209 --> 00:46:39,626
♪ ♪
991
00:46:39,709 --> 00:46:41,792
-Gary: Sadé, you ready to go?
-Sadé: Yes.
992
00:46:41,876 --> 00:46:43,209
Okay.
993
00:46:43,876 --> 00:46:45,459
Bye, 'Gor.
994
00:46:46,959 --> 00:46:49,626
Gary:
We are going to
see Dr. Friedman,
995
00:46:49,709 --> 00:46:50,918
my psychiatrist,
996
00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:53,626
and Sadé always comes with me
997
00:46:53,709 --> 00:46:55,918
-to the sessions.
-(train rattling)
998
00:46:56,918 --> 00:46:58,584
She's really
the MVP of my story.
999
00:46:58,667 --> 00:47:00,500
Friedman:
You know, way back,
in the very beginning,
1000
00:47:00,584 --> 00:47:02,250
when you were
really depressed,
1001
00:47:02,334 --> 00:47:04,626
you were just as
Sadé is describing.
1002
00:47:04,709 --> 00:47:05,918
You know, not just sad
1003
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:08,042
and feeling critical
about yourself,
1004
00:47:08,125 --> 00:47:09,500
but very, very anxious.
1005
00:47:09,584 --> 00:47:11,709
And you were crying
and you felt,
1006
00:47:11,792 --> 00:47:13,667
you know,
inconsolable.
1007
00:47:13,751 --> 00:47:15,334
And then that's when I said,
1008
00:47:15,417 --> 00:47:17,375
-I think you need to
come into the hospital.
-Gary: Right.
1009
00:47:17,459 --> 00:47:20,042
It was very disturbing
and heartbreaking to watch
1010
00:47:20,125 --> 00:47:21,876
because there
was no point when
1011
00:47:21,959 --> 00:47:24,083
your eyes were open that
you weren't in pain.
1012
00:47:24,167 --> 00:47:25,751
And I didn't know how to help.
1013
00:47:25,834 --> 00:47:27,167
Was there a time
1014
00:47:27,250 --> 00:47:28,250
that you had
told me about,
1015
00:47:28,334 --> 00:47:30,459
and I can't remember
it, where...
1016
00:47:30,542 --> 00:47:32,959
where you said I was
speaking gibberish?
1017
00:47:33,042 --> 00:47:34,626
Yeah. It's...
1018
00:47:34,709 --> 00:47:36,083
You couldn't
think straight.
1019
00:47:36,167 --> 00:47:38,000
When you were
very agitated,
1020
00:47:38,083 --> 00:47:39,584
you would
try to
1021
00:47:39,667 --> 00:47:42,000
to just keep a coherent
thought together,
1022
00:47:42,083 --> 00:47:43,167
and you
couldn't.
1023
00:47:43,250 --> 00:47:44,500
It was very disturb--
1024
00:47:44,584 --> 00:47:45,959
I don't think you
remember at all,
1025
00:47:46,042 --> 00:47:49,083
but you don't remember,
and I remember all of it.
1026
00:47:51,292 --> 00:47:53,751
-You don't remember any of?
-Well, it...
1027
00:47:54,334 --> 00:47:56,250
as I'm hearing it...
1028
00:47:56,334 --> 00:47:57,459
I don't...
1029
00:47:57,542 --> 00:48:00,250
it sounds like it happened
to somebody else.
1030
00:48:00,334 --> 00:48:02,000
Friedman:
Did you ever worry
that, you know,
1031
00:48:02,083 --> 00:48:03,375
when you were feeling
at your worst,
1032
00:48:03,459 --> 00:48:04,626
that you would not get better?
1033
00:48:04,709 --> 00:48:06,667
I was convinced
that I would not.
1034
00:48:06,751 --> 00:48:09,667
-I would not get better...
-And so was I.
1035
00:48:09,751 --> 00:48:11,459
-(laughs)
-Friedman: Well, I have to say,
1036
00:48:11,542 --> 00:48:13,167
-you were a good
actress then.
-(laugh)
1037
00:48:13,250 --> 00:48:15,959
Because you were consistently
supportive of him.
1038
00:48:16,042 --> 00:48:17,959
And if you did feel hopeless,
it wasn't obvious.
1039
00:48:18,042 --> 00:48:20,417
Because I knew there was so
much out there being done.
1040
00:48:20,500 --> 00:48:22,709
Even though it seemed
like such a long road.
1041
00:48:22,792 --> 00:48:26,000
I always knew that there
was something next.
1042
00:48:29,334 --> 00:48:31,584
Whenever I tell people that
I take antidepressants,
1043
00:48:31,667 --> 00:48:33,751
their biggest question is,
"What about the side effects?
1044
00:48:33,834 --> 00:48:35,417
"Aren't you concerned
with the side effects?
1045
00:48:35,500 --> 00:48:37,209
"I always hear about
the side effects.
1046
00:48:37,292 --> 00:48:38,959
I read the side effects."
1047
00:48:39,500 --> 00:48:42,292
The side effects...
of the drugs?
1048
00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:45,542
Oh, those don't
bother me at all.
1049
00:48:45,626 --> 00:48:48,834
No. No, the only side
effect that concerns me
1050
00:48:48,918 --> 00:48:51,250
are the side effects
of depression.
1051
00:48:51,334 --> 00:48:52,584
(laughter)
1052
00:48:52,667 --> 00:48:54,834
-One of the more troublesome...
-(clapping)
1053
00:48:54,918 --> 00:48:58,292
...side effects
of depression is
1054
00:48:58,375 --> 00:49:00,417
-death.
-(laughter)
1055
00:49:01,292 --> 00:49:03,250
I'll take dry mouth...
1056
00:49:03,334 --> 00:49:05,292
(laughter)
1057
00:49:05,375 --> 00:49:07,792
(applause)
1058
00:49:07,876 --> 00:49:11,000
(cheering)
1059
00:49:11,584 --> 00:49:13,626
...over death.
1060
00:49:13,709 --> 00:49:15,667
I can sip water, chew gum,
1061
00:49:15,751 --> 00:49:18,375
go like this every
once in a while.
1062
00:49:18,459 --> 00:49:20,083
I know of only one Jew
1063
00:49:20,167 --> 00:49:23,042
who's overcome death.
1064
00:49:23,125 --> 00:49:26,584
(laughter, applause)
1065
00:49:29,292 --> 00:49:31,375
They call it suicide,
1066
00:49:31,459 --> 00:49:32,876
but I feel like that word
1067
00:49:32,959 --> 00:49:34,584
is incomplete. I think
1068
00:49:34,667 --> 00:49:37,042
they should call it
death from depression,
1069
00:49:37,125 --> 00:49:38,459
not suicide.
1070
00:49:38,542 --> 00:49:41,292
So, I'll take any
of the side effects.
1071
00:49:41,375 --> 00:49:44,209
Hair loss, dizziness,
blurred vision,
1072
00:49:44,292 --> 00:49:46,834
muscle aches, joint aches,
1073
00:49:46,918 --> 00:49:48,751
diarrhea.
1074
00:49:48,834 --> 00:49:51,125
-Of course.
-(laughter)
1075
00:49:51,209 --> 00:49:53,709
Diarrhea is so much
more productive
1076
00:49:53,792 --> 00:49:55,709
-than depression.
-(laughter)
1077
00:49:55,792 --> 00:49:58,876
I can get out of
bed with diarrhea.
1078
00:49:58,959 --> 00:50:01,000
♪ ♪
1079
00:50:01,083 --> 00:50:03,167
"What about impotence?"
Impotence?
1080
00:50:03,250 --> 00:50:06,167
Oh yeah. I was
having so much sex
1081
00:50:06,250 --> 00:50:08,709
in the fetal position!
1082
00:50:08,792 --> 00:50:11,918
(cheering, applause)
1083
00:50:13,959 --> 00:50:15,792
Yes, give me impotence.
1084
00:50:15,876 --> 00:50:18,751
What do you mean, more
impotence? Yes, I will take...
1085
00:50:18,834 --> 00:50:21,459
I will take diarrhea
and impotence
1086
00:50:21,542 --> 00:50:23,918
-simultaneously...
-(laughter)
1087
00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:26,542
...if I can smile at a sunset?
1088
00:50:26,626 --> 00:50:27,876
(laughter)
1089
00:50:27,959 --> 00:50:31,834
I will stand there,
in my soiled underwear,
1090
00:50:31,918 --> 00:50:35,626
and flaccidly grin ear-to-ear.
1091
00:50:35,709 --> 00:50:37,500
(laughter)
1092
00:50:37,584 --> 00:50:40,626
(applause)
1093
00:50:40,709 --> 00:50:43,209
(cheering)
1094
00:50:46,459 --> 00:50:49,667
Because when I'm
in my right mind,
1095
00:50:50,209 --> 00:50:53,918
a sunset is justification
for existence.
1096
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:55,751
And when I'm depressed,
1097
00:50:55,834 --> 00:50:57,626
I look at a sunset and I think,
1098
00:50:57,709 --> 00:50:59,459
"Yeah, you gave up, too?"
1099
00:50:59,542 --> 00:51:01,876
(laughter)
1100
00:51:02,292 --> 00:51:04,876
Five p.m. in the winter,
I get it.
1101
00:51:04,959 --> 00:51:06,250
(laughter)
1102
00:51:06,334 --> 00:51:09,083
I'm ready to call it
a day. I feel you, sun.
1103
00:51:09,167 --> 00:51:11,375
(laughter)
1104
00:51:11,459 --> 00:51:13,709
Over the years, I've tried all
1105
00:51:13,792 --> 00:51:15,918
the antidepressants.
1106
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:17,751
I've taken them
1107
00:51:17,834 --> 00:51:20,667
on-label, off-label,
1108
00:51:20,751 --> 00:51:23,000
-off-legal.
-(laughter)
1109
00:51:23,083 --> 00:51:25,000
I won't say it was
illegal what I did,
1110
00:51:25,083 --> 00:51:28,250
but I took something
called ketamine.
1111
00:51:28,334 --> 00:51:30,584
-Man: Jesus!
-(laughs)
1112
00:51:30,667 --> 00:51:32,334
Ketamine
1113
00:51:32,417 --> 00:51:34,459
is a horse tranquilizer...
1114
00:51:34,542 --> 00:51:36,667
-(laughter)
-...in a very large dose,
1115
00:51:36,751 --> 00:51:39,250
but in a microdose, ketamine
1116
00:51:39,334 --> 00:51:41,751
is one of the most effective
1117
00:51:41,834 --> 00:51:43,918
antidepressants, and,
more importantly,
1118
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:46,167
anti-suicidal medications.
1119
00:51:46,250 --> 00:51:48,834
The problem was
when I needed it,
1120
00:51:48,918 --> 00:51:51,792
it was not available... easily.
1121
00:51:51,876 --> 00:51:53,792
I had to go to a doctor,
1122
00:51:53,876 --> 00:51:56,292
one doctor in New York City
who was licensed
1123
00:51:56,375 --> 00:51:58,626
to give you a ketamine infusion,
1124
00:51:58,709 --> 00:52:02,000
and it was $800 because
it wasn't covered...
1125
00:52:02,083 --> 00:52:04,876
by insurance. So,
it was $800 a visit,
1126
00:52:04,959 --> 00:52:07,459
-and worth every penny.
-(laughter)
1127
00:52:07,542 --> 00:52:10,042
Oh, for an hour every other day,
1128
00:52:10,125 --> 00:52:12,959
I felt like myself. I smiled.
1129
00:52:13,042 --> 00:52:15,918
I enjoyed things.
It was remarkable.
1130
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:18,876
The problem was is that
it's supposed to work
1131
00:52:18,959 --> 00:52:20,667
after you leave the office,
1132
00:52:20,751 --> 00:52:23,792
and in most cases,
it does, but in my case,
1133
00:52:23,876 --> 00:52:25,542
it didn't work after
I left the office.
1134
00:52:25,626 --> 00:52:27,417
And I remember the doctor
said, "I'm really sorry.
1135
00:52:27,500 --> 00:52:29,417
I can't take your
money anymore."
1136
00:52:29,500 --> 00:52:31,667
Which was so confusing...
1137
00:52:31,751 --> 00:52:33,751
"No, I have more money."
1138
00:52:33,834 --> 00:52:35,584
(laughter)
1139
00:52:35,667 --> 00:52:38,292
He says, "I can't take it."
I went back a couple of times
1140
00:52:38,375 --> 00:52:40,167
dressed as a horse.
1141
00:52:40,250 --> 00:52:42,918
(laughter)
1142
00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:46,083
But I feel like he
recognized my voice.
1143
00:52:46,167 --> 00:52:48,125
(laughter)
1144
00:52:49,250 --> 00:52:51,751
And then, I...
1145
00:52:51,834 --> 00:52:55,459
had a choice to make, and I
discussed it with my doctor,
1146
00:52:55,542 --> 00:52:59,083
and with Sadé,
and my friend Amy,
1147
00:52:59,167 --> 00:53:01,000
-who is here tonight--
-Man: Woo!
1148
00:53:01,083 --> 00:53:04,125
-And yeah...
-(scattered clapping)
1149
00:53:04,209 --> 00:53:05,834
And she was...
1150
00:53:07,334 --> 00:53:09,334
It's so interesting how
1151
00:53:09,417 --> 00:53:12,042
some people only tell you
after the storm is over
1152
00:53:12,125 --> 00:53:14,083
how big the waves were.
1153
00:53:14,167 --> 00:53:16,000
But Amy was very
honest with me.
1154
00:53:16,083 --> 00:53:17,459
Like, I had one friend
three years ago.
1155
00:53:17,542 --> 00:53:19,500
He said, "The last
time I saw you,
1156
00:53:19,584 --> 00:53:23,209
I thought was going to be
the last time I saw you."
1157
00:53:23,292 --> 00:53:24,876
And, I remember thinking,
1158
00:53:24,959 --> 00:53:28,042
"Oh man, I would've liked
to have known that."
1159
00:53:28,125 --> 00:53:30,000
(laughter)
1160
00:53:30,083 --> 00:53:31,626
I get it,
1161
00:53:31,709 --> 00:53:34,042
but gee whiz!
1162
00:53:34,626 --> 00:53:37,834
But I remember Amy
said to me, she said...
1163
00:53:40,042 --> 00:53:41,125
(sighs)
1164
00:53:42,834 --> 00:53:45,125
"You've got four years."
1165
00:53:46,918 --> 00:53:48,959
Yeah, and it sunk in.
1166
00:53:49,042 --> 00:53:52,167
And so, we discussed
it, and I went
1167
00:53:52,250 --> 00:53:54,209
into the hospital,
into the psych ward,
1168
00:53:54,292 --> 00:53:57,542
and I was terrified
because, unfortunately,
1169
00:53:57,626 --> 00:54:00,000
pop culture has
given us an image
1170
00:54:00,083 --> 00:54:01,417
of the psych ward
1171
00:54:01,500 --> 00:54:04,250
that is so dangerous
and so frightening.
1172
00:54:04,334 --> 00:54:06,834
But I can tell you,
I was there for three weeks.
1173
00:54:06,918 --> 00:54:09,417
It was a very
ordinary experience.
1174
00:54:09,500 --> 00:54:13,042
It was, I was
fortunate in some ways,
1175
00:54:13,125 --> 00:54:15,834
but it was really
the average experience
1176
00:54:15,918 --> 00:54:17,667
because I didn't go
to a private hospital.
1177
00:54:17,751 --> 00:54:19,667
It was covered by my insurance.
1178
00:54:19,751 --> 00:54:21,417
And there were men and women,
1179
00:54:21,500 --> 00:54:22,834
poor people, rich people.
1180
00:54:22,918 --> 00:54:24,834
It was such a diverse group.
1181
00:54:24,918 --> 00:54:26,667
And I think I had,
pretty much,
1182
00:54:26,751 --> 00:54:29,542
the average experience
in the hospital.
1183
00:54:29,626 --> 00:54:32,000
One very fortunate
thing was that
1184
00:54:32,083 --> 00:54:35,751
I got recognized within a half
hour of turning in my belt.
1185
00:54:35,834 --> 00:54:37,125
(laughter)
1186
00:54:37,209 --> 00:54:39,125
Another patient came up to me,
1187
00:54:39,209 --> 00:54:40,500
and I'll never forget it.
1188
00:54:40,584 --> 00:54:43,792
He said, "Excuse me, I'm
really sorry to bother you."
1189
00:54:43,876 --> 00:54:47,125
He was so sweet. He said,
"Are you Gary Gulman,
1190
00:54:47,209 --> 00:54:48,626
or am I crazy?"
1191
00:54:48,709 --> 00:54:50,709
(laughter)
1192
00:54:50,792 --> 00:54:53,876
(applause)
1193
00:54:55,250 --> 00:54:57,083
And I laughed,
1194
00:54:57,167 --> 00:54:59,626
and I hadn't laughed in
months at that point.
1195
00:54:59,709 --> 00:55:01,667
I probably hadn't
cracked a smile.
1196
00:55:01,751 --> 00:55:04,209
But he said, "Am I crazy?"
1197
00:55:04,292 --> 00:55:06,125
And I laughed. Are you cr--
1198
00:55:06,209 --> 00:55:08,209
-Yes! Yes!
-(laughter)
1199
00:55:08,292 --> 00:55:10,167
But only getting that
from the context.
1200
00:55:10,250 --> 00:55:12,876
It's 6:30 p.m.,
we're in pajamas.
1201
00:55:12,959 --> 00:55:15,751
(laughter)
1202
00:55:15,834 --> 00:55:17,834
But I am Gary Gulman.
1203
00:55:17,918 --> 00:55:19,667
The good news is
I'm Gary Gulman.
1204
00:55:19,751 --> 00:55:23,417
The bad news is your
self-esteem is so low,
1205
00:55:23,959 --> 00:55:26,334
you felt the best
you could hallucinate
1206
00:55:26,417 --> 00:55:28,167
was Gary Gulman.
1207
00:55:28,250 --> 00:55:31,375
(laughter, applause)
1208
00:55:32,250 --> 00:55:35,292
I hear a lot of people
come out of the psych ward,
1209
00:55:35,375 --> 00:55:37,918
and they say something
to the effect of,
1210
00:55:38,000 --> 00:55:39,417
"within a few days,
I realized that
1211
00:55:39,500 --> 00:55:42,375
"those people really had it
much worse off than I did.
1212
00:55:42,459 --> 00:55:44,459
"And I felt better
about my condition,
1213
00:55:44,542 --> 00:55:46,000
and I left early."
1214
00:55:46,083 --> 00:55:49,083
And I remember sitting
in art therapy one day,
1215
00:55:49,167 --> 00:55:52,584
and thinking to myself,
"This feels just about right."
1216
00:55:52,667 --> 00:55:54,417
(laughter)
1217
00:55:54,500 --> 00:55:56,751
My finger paintings are as dark
1218
00:55:56,834 --> 00:55:59,000
as anyone's in here.
1219
00:55:59,083 --> 00:56:00,083
(laughter)
1220
00:56:00,167 --> 00:56:01,959
It was very ordinary.
1221
00:56:02,042 --> 00:56:04,042
I can't really
think of too much
1222
00:56:04,125 --> 00:56:07,125
that was out of the ordinary.
1223
00:56:07,209 --> 00:56:09,626
The first night
when I went to call
1224
00:56:09,709 --> 00:56:11,918
Sadé on the payphone,
1225
00:56:12,000 --> 00:56:13,959
the cord...
1226
00:56:14,042 --> 00:56:16,584
to the payphone was,
1227
00:56:16,667 --> 00:56:18,792
like, the length
of a candlewick.
1228
00:56:18,876 --> 00:56:20,792
(laughter)
1229
00:56:20,876 --> 00:56:22,876
I remember being so confused.
1230
00:56:22,959 --> 00:56:24,459
I thought, why is the cord,
1231
00:56:24,542 --> 00:56:26,959
why am I bent over? I haven't
used a payphone in a long time,
1232
00:56:27,042 --> 00:56:29,292
but I don't remember
the cord being this shor--
1233
00:56:29,375 --> 00:56:31,959
Oh, that's right,
I'm crazy. Okay. All right.
1234
00:56:32,042 --> 00:56:34,167
And then, I remember,
I said to the nurse, I said,
1235
00:56:34,250 --> 00:56:37,792
"Can you take it out? 'Cause
I'm just calling my wife.
1236
00:56:37,876 --> 00:56:41,000
Then you can take it back
in when I call my mother."
1237
00:56:41,083 --> 00:56:43,667
(laughter)
1238
00:56:44,792 --> 00:56:46,876
You know, the reason
we're all here.
1239
00:56:46,959 --> 00:56:49,709
(laughter)
1240
00:56:49,792 --> 00:56:52,083
(applause)
1241
00:56:52,167 --> 00:56:53,542
My mother. (sighs)
1242
00:56:53,626 --> 00:56:56,751
I love her, but even when I'm
not on the phone with her,
1243
00:56:56,834 --> 00:56:58,751
sometimes I'll hear her voice.
1244
00:56:58,834 --> 00:57:01,417
Like, whenever
I spend lavishly.
1245
00:57:01,500 --> 00:57:03,375
Like, I got room
service the other night
1246
00:57:03,459 --> 00:57:05,959
because I got back to
the hotel after my show
1247
00:57:06,042 --> 00:57:07,959
and all the restaurants
were closed,
1248
00:57:08,042 --> 00:57:10,417
and I was hungry and...
1249
00:57:10,500 --> 00:57:12,584
I don't need to
justify it to you.
1250
00:57:12,667 --> 00:57:15,751
(laughter)
1251
00:57:16,250 --> 00:57:18,042
And I could hear my mother.
1252
00:57:18,125 --> 00:57:21,834
-"Oh, Gary's getting
room service."
-(laughter)
1253
00:57:21,918 --> 00:57:24,292
"Excuse me!
1254
00:57:24,375 --> 00:57:27,292
"Mr. Big Shot. Must be nice!
1255
00:57:27,375 --> 00:57:28,834
Must be nice!"
1256
00:57:28,918 --> 00:57:31,000
That's how my mother
says congratulations.
1257
00:57:31,083 --> 00:57:33,042
"Must be nice!"
1258
00:57:33,125 --> 00:57:34,542
(laughter, clapping)
1259
00:57:34,626 --> 00:57:37,709
Or I ran 10 miles the other
day and I told my mother,
1260
00:57:37,792 --> 00:57:40,959
and she said, "Oh, good for
you. How long is a marathon?"
1261
00:57:41,042 --> 00:57:44,209
(laughter)
1262
00:57:44,709 --> 00:57:47,417
Twenty-six.
"Twenty-six-point-two!"
1263
00:57:49,125 --> 00:57:50,876
(laughter)
1264
00:57:50,959 --> 00:57:54,626
If you knew down to a tenth
of a mile how long it was,
1265
00:57:54,709 --> 00:57:56,542
why did you ask me?
"Well, I wanted you to
1266
00:57:56,626 --> 00:57:58,709
internalize your mediocrity."
1267
00:57:58,792 --> 00:58:00,959
(laughter)
1268
00:58:01,042 --> 00:58:04,459
♪ ♪
1269
00:58:04,542 --> 00:58:06,709
Gary:
So, I've been
working on a piece
1270
00:58:06,792 --> 00:58:09,500
that I'm gonna try out for
the first time tonight.
1271
00:58:09,584 --> 00:58:13,167
Yeah, and I'm anxious
about it, and...
1272
00:58:14,209 --> 00:58:16,584
but it (sighs)... excited.
1273
00:58:18,584 --> 00:58:21,250
The hardest thing to
talk about on stage
1274
00:58:21,334 --> 00:58:24,042
and the thing that people have
1275
00:58:24,125 --> 00:58:26,584
the least understanding
about and the least
1276
00:58:26,667 --> 00:58:30,292
information and knowledge,
and the scariest thing
1277
00:58:30,375 --> 00:58:33,500
is about
the treatment that I had.
1278
00:58:33,584 --> 00:58:35,667
And I'm only comfortable
talking about it now
1279
00:58:35,751 --> 00:58:39,876
because I have come
out the other side.
1280
00:58:39,959 --> 00:58:41,542
♪ ♪
1281
00:58:41,626 --> 00:58:43,292
(rumbling)
1282
00:58:49,959 --> 00:58:53,042
I have no idea how
this is going to go.
1283
00:58:53,125 --> 00:58:56,125
Much like the first time
I ever did stand-up comedy.
1284
00:58:56,209 --> 00:58:58,542
I had no idea how
the jokes were going to go.
1285
00:59:00,417 --> 00:59:02,250
(indistinct chatter)
1286
00:59:02,334 --> 00:59:04,792
I mean, I was anxious
before I got here.
1287
00:59:04,876 --> 00:59:06,125
As I was getting coffee,
1288
00:59:06,209 --> 00:59:08,500
I kept thinking, is it
possible that this subject
1289
00:59:08,584 --> 00:59:11,959
isn't even funny? It's not...
Like, all my observations
1290
00:59:12,042 --> 00:59:14,459
come from a place
of recognition.
1291
00:59:14,542 --> 00:59:17,751
It's like, that's,
this is so obscure.
1292
00:59:17,834 --> 00:59:19,167
This is so obscure.
1293
00:59:19,250 --> 00:59:21,125
Everybody make a lot of
noise for Gary Gulman.
1294
00:59:21,209 --> 00:59:22,626
(cheering)
1295
00:59:22,709 --> 00:59:24,626
(applause)
1296
00:59:24,709 --> 00:59:26,834
(cheering continues)
1297
00:59:29,292 --> 00:59:32,459
Thank you! Thanks so much.
1298
00:59:32,542 --> 00:59:34,709
2017 was...
1299
00:59:34,792 --> 00:59:38,334
the best 2017 was Chris Pine.
1300
00:59:38,417 --> 00:59:41,083
He was Captain Kirk
in Star Trek
1301
00:59:41,167 --> 00:59:44,209
and the love interest
in Wonder Woman.
1302
00:59:44,292 --> 00:59:45,250
-(laughs)
-Yes!
1303
00:59:45,334 --> 00:59:48,083
Let's compare it to my 2017.
1304
00:59:48,959 --> 00:59:51,626
I, um, I spent
1305
00:59:51,709 --> 00:59:55,334
three weeks in the psych ward.
1306
00:59:56,334 --> 00:59:59,584
(laughter)
1307
01:00:04,751 --> 01:00:06,459
All right, so...
1308
01:00:06,876 --> 01:00:10,250
I lied for a long time about
why I was in the hospital.
1309
01:00:10,334 --> 01:00:11,959
I would tell people
1310
01:00:12,042 --> 01:00:15,375
that I went there to
adjust my medication,
1311
01:00:15,459 --> 01:00:18,751
which if you know how health
insurance works, that's...
1312
01:00:19,375 --> 01:00:21,000
(laughter)
1313
01:00:21,083 --> 01:00:22,083
that's not done.
1314
01:00:22,167 --> 01:00:24,250
But I was ashamed
1315
01:00:24,334 --> 01:00:27,626
and I was concerned
about people's reactions
1316
01:00:27,709 --> 01:00:29,584
to the real reason
I was in the hospital.
1317
01:00:29,667 --> 01:00:32,000
And the reason I went
into the hospital was
1318
01:00:32,083 --> 01:00:34,209
because my psychiatrist
1319
01:00:34,292 --> 01:00:38,125
is an advocate for, and an
expert in, something called
1320
01:00:38,209 --> 01:00:41,000
electroconvulsive therapy.
1321
01:00:41,083 --> 01:00:44,834
Which used to be called
electroshock therapy,
1322
01:00:44,918 --> 01:00:47,334
but they felt
electroshock was not
1323
01:00:47,417 --> 01:00:49,000
quite horrifying enough.
1324
01:00:49,083 --> 01:00:52,167
-(laughter)
-They said, yes,
electroshock is disturbing,
1325
01:00:52,250 --> 01:00:54,167
but I feel like
we're soft-selling
1326
01:00:54,250 --> 01:00:56,000
the convulsions.
1327
01:00:56,083 --> 01:00:58,167
(laughter)
1328
01:00:58,250 --> 01:01:00,334
Yes, the writhing.
If we could
1329
01:01:00,417 --> 01:01:03,292
underscore the writhing,
1330
01:01:03,375 --> 01:01:04,876
make that the centerpiece,
1331
01:01:04,959 --> 01:01:07,250
I feel like we could
really weed out the sissies
1332
01:01:07,334 --> 01:01:08,834
and the mama's boys.
1333
01:01:08,918 --> 01:01:10,834
(laughter)
1334
01:01:10,918 --> 01:01:13,250
Electroconvulsive therapy,
1335
01:01:13,334 --> 01:01:16,834
ECT as it's always called now,
1336
01:01:16,918 --> 01:01:19,709
it has a very bad
branding problem.
1337
01:01:20,500 --> 01:01:21,834
Even electroshock
1338
01:01:21,918 --> 01:01:25,667
to electroconvulsive is,
at best, a lateral move.
1339
01:01:25,751 --> 01:01:26,918
(laughter)
1340
01:01:27,000 --> 01:01:29,709
And, again, pop culture has
1341
01:01:29,792 --> 01:01:31,834
ruined the reputation of this
1342
01:01:31,918 --> 01:01:33,417
because of one movie.
1343
01:01:33,500 --> 01:01:36,209
One Flew Over
The Cuckoo's Nest,
the most disturbing scene
1344
01:01:36,292 --> 01:01:38,250
in the most disturbing movie.
1345
01:01:38,334 --> 01:01:41,042
Jack Nicholson is held
down by a dozen orderlies
1346
01:01:41,125 --> 01:01:43,834
as they put electrodes
up to his temples
1347
01:01:43,918 --> 01:01:46,250
and mock-execute him.
1348
01:01:46,334 --> 01:01:48,876
He's writhing in pain.
1349
01:01:48,959 --> 01:01:50,667
And I just have to tell you,
1350
01:01:50,751 --> 01:01:52,876
it's not done like that anymore.
1351
01:01:53,000 --> 01:01:54,918
It's not. They give you
1352
01:01:55,000 --> 01:01:58,834
a general anesthesia
and a muscle relaxer,
1353
01:01:58,918 --> 01:02:01,209
and it's delightful.
1354
01:02:01,292 --> 01:02:03,709
(laughter)
1355
01:02:03,792 --> 01:02:04,876
The anesthesiologist
would say,
1356
01:02:04,959 --> 01:02:07,626
"Now Gary,
count down from 10."
1357
01:02:07,709 --> 01:02:10,918
And I never once
got past "Nuh."
1358
01:02:11,000 --> 01:02:13,334
(laughter)
1359
01:02:13,417 --> 01:02:14,959
And not the nuh in nine.
1360
01:02:15,042 --> 01:02:17,042
The nuh in 10.
1361
01:02:17,125 --> 01:02:18,876
(laughter)
1362
01:02:18,959 --> 01:02:21,709
(applause)
1363
01:02:22,042 --> 01:02:23,709
It put me out.
1364
01:02:23,792 --> 01:02:27,500
I felt nothing.
I remember nothing from it.
1365
01:02:27,584 --> 01:02:29,751
I finished up an hour later.
1366
01:02:29,834 --> 01:02:32,000
I would come to in
the recovery room.
1367
01:02:32,083 --> 01:02:34,042
About 15 minutes later,
1368
01:02:34,125 --> 01:02:36,083
I was back upstairs
watching The Office
1369
01:02:36,167 --> 01:02:38,751
with my best friend
and biggest fan.
1370
01:02:38,834 --> 01:02:41,125
(laughter)
1371
01:02:41,209 --> 01:02:44,125
We would watch
The Office every day,
1372
01:02:44,209 --> 01:02:46,834
and one day, I felt very
comfortable with him
1373
01:02:46,918 --> 01:02:48,375
one day, and I said,
1374
01:02:48,459 --> 01:02:51,334
and this is true. I said,
"Did you know that I auditioned
1375
01:02:51,417 --> 01:02:53,667
"for the role of Jim when
they were casting it?
1376
01:02:53,751 --> 01:02:56,125
Long ago, I auditioned
for the role of Jim."
1377
01:02:56,209 --> 01:02:57,626
And this was so sweet. He says,
1378
01:02:57,709 --> 01:03:01,918
-"Did you get it?"
-(laughter)
1379
01:03:02,000 --> 01:03:03,918
(clapping)
1380
01:03:04,000 --> 01:03:06,292
I haven't heard back yet...
1381
01:03:06,375 --> 01:03:09,500
(laughter)
1382
01:03:12,500 --> 01:03:15,751
But the other thing they
don't tell you about ECT
1383
01:03:15,834 --> 01:03:18,125
is that it's considered
the gold standard
1384
01:03:18,209 --> 01:03:21,626
in treating treatment-
resistant depression.
1385
01:03:21,709 --> 01:03:23,751
It's very effective,
1386
01:03:23,834 --> 01:03:26,542
and it works very quickly,
1387
01:03:26,626 --> 01:03:27,709
and it works well.
1388
01:03:27,792 --> 01:03:29,918
I was so anxious,
1389
01:03:30,000 --> 01:03:32,709
I was shaking all
the time, biting my lip.
1390
01:03:32,792 --> 01:03:35,292
Within three
treatments, one week,
1391
01:03:35,375 --> 01:03:37,209
all my anxiety went away.
1392
01:03:37,292 --> 01:03:40,000
Within about 10
treatments, the depression
1393
01:03:40,083 --> 01:03:42,667
started to lift.
I felt a little bit
1394
01:03:42,751 --> 01:03:45,667
better, and I was released
from the hospital.
1395
01:03:46,083 --> 01:03:47,959
The timing was an issue
1396
01:03:48,042 --> 01:03:52,000
because my lease was up in
my New York City apartment,
1397
01:03:52,083 --> 01:03:55,292
and I didn't have the energy
1398
01:03:55,375 --> 01:03:59,167
nor the will to look for
a new New York City apartment,
1399
01:03:59,250 --> 01:04:00,584
and to pack and to move.
1400
01:04:00,667 --> 01:04:03,292
I thought it might set
me back, so I decided,
1401
01:04:03,375 --> 01:04:05,167
and discussed it with
Sadé and my doctor,
1402
01:04:05,250 --> 01:04:07,500
I decided to move
back to my home town
1403
01:04:07,584 --> 01:04:10,000
in Massachusetts,
and, this is wild,
1404
01:04:10,083 --> 01:04:13,792
I moved back into the exact
same house I grew up in.
1405
01:04:13,876 --> 01:04:16,542
And coincidence
of coincidences,
1406
01:04:16,626 --> 01:04:18,584
my mother still lived there.
1407
01:04:18,667 --> 01:04:22,042
(laughter, clapping)
1408
01:04:23,209 --> 01:04:26,709
I moved back into my
childhood bedroom.
1409
01:04:27,751 --> 01:04:30,375
And the timing...
1410
01:04:31,500 --> 01:04:35,542
I got an invitation to
my 25th college reunion,
1411
01:04:35,834 --> 01:04:37,584
and it had an invitation,
1412
01:04:37,667 --> 01:04:41,042
and then a request
for a donation
1413
01:04:41,125 --> 01:04:43,167
of $1,000 or more.
1414
01:04:43,250 --> 01:04:44,751
And I remember thinking,
1415
01:04:44,834 --> 01:04:47,626
"do you not realize you sent
this to the exact same address
1416
01:04:47,709 --> 01:04:49,709
you sent my acceptance letter?"
1417
01:04:49,792 --> 01:04:51,000
(laughter)
1418
01:04:51,083 --> 01:04:55,000
You think there's $1,000
rolling around? (laughing)
1419
01:04:55,334 --> 01:04:57,459
And you think I want to go?
1420
01:04:58,209 --> 01:05:00,000
Knowing what I've
made of myself?
1421
01:05:00,083 --> 01:05:01,667
I'm back where I started!
1422
01:05:01,751 --> 01:05:04,584
And I remember thinking,
there's no way I'm going to this
1423
01:05:04,667 --> 01:05:07,417
because, at that point,
I was so sick of lying
1424
01:05:07,500 --> 01:05:08,918
about how I felt
1425
01:05:09,000 --> 01:05:11,959
to make other people less
uncomfortable around me,
1426
01:05:12,042 --> 01:05:15,584
and that's... People
lie at their reunions
1427
01:05:15,667 --> 01:05:16,834
even if they're doing well,
1428
01:05:16,918 --> 01:05:19,709
and I just don't want
to continue lying.
1429
01:05:19,792 --> 01:05:22,167
What, I'm gonna tell the truth?
"Hey, what you been up to?"
1430
01:05:22,250 --> 01:05:24,542
-(imitates zap)
-(laughter)
1431
01:05:24,626 --> 01:05:27,250
Well, I'm allowed
around belts again!
1432
01:05:27,334 --> 01:05:28,417
(laughter)
1433
01:05:28,500 --> 01:05:30,125
These are laces in my shoes,
1434
01:05:30,209 --> 01:05:32,792
and my socks don't have
any treads on them!
1435
01:05:32,876 --> 01:05:35,167
(laughter)
1436
01:05:35,250 --> 01:05:38,083
And I thought, there's
no way I'm going to this.
1437
01:05:38,167 --> 01:05:39,250
But then,
1438
01:05:39,792 --> 01:05:42,000
luckily, I said no.
1439
01:05:42,083 --> 01:05:44,834
All you've been doing
is isolating for years.
1440
01:05:44,918 --> 01:05:46,876
You need to get of the house.
You should go to this.
1441
01:05:46,959 --> 01:05:50,042
Just go for an hour, and if
you're having a good time,
1442
01:05:50,125 --> 01:05:52,792
stay. And, I must say,
1443
01:05:52,876 --> 01:05:54,709
one of the best moves I made
1444
01:05:54,792 --> 01:05:56,876
in my recovery was
going to that reunion
1445
01:05:56,959 --> 01:06:00,000
because I reconnected with
people I hadn't seen in years.
1446
01:06:00,083 --> 01:06:02,083
We made plans,
I made appointments,
1447
01:06:02,167 --> 01:06:03,918
and I started to...
1448
01:06:04,000 --> 01:06:06,334
incrementally improve.
1449
01:06:06,417 --> 01:06:08,292
And part of it, I know,
1450
01:06:08,375 --> 01:06:11,626
was the getting
out of the house,
and, studies have shown,
1451
01:06:11,709 --> 01:06:14,709
that those interactions with
other people, even if it's just
1452
01:06:14,792 --> 01:06:16,876
at the grocery store,
at the Starbucks,
1453
01:06:16,959 --> 01:06:18,876
it increases
the level of serotonin
1454
01:06:18,959 --> 01:06:20,709
and dopamine in your brain.
1455
01:06:20,792 --> 01:06:23,542
And I would go and I would
feel a little bit better
1456
01:06:23,626 --> 01:06:26,542
for a little while,
and it was so helpful.
1457
01:06:26,626 --> 01:06:30,209
And I just started to be able
to exercise a little bit,
1458
01:06:30,292 --> 01:06:31,584
a walk around the block.
1459
01:06:31,667 --> 01:06:34,125
I started to be able to
eat a little bit better,
1460
01:06:34,209 --> 01:06:37,918
and I started to do a little
bit of stand-up comedy,
1461
01:06:38,000 --> 01:06:41,584
but it was so obvious
that I was sick
1462
01:06:42,042 --> 01:06:45,542
that I had to acknowledge it.
I had to open up about
1463
01:06:45,626 --> 01:06:48,083
my suffering.
And I found that
1464
01:06:48,167 --> 01:06:51,500
I got such incredible
feedback on that from people
1465
01:06:51,584 --> 01:06:54,959
after the show,
and I realized something.
1466
01:06:55,250 --> 01:06:58,167
If you are suffering
from a mental illness,
1467
01:06:58,250 --> 01:07:00,959
I promise you,
you are not alone.
1468
01:07:01,667 --> 01:07:03,542
You are not alone.
1469
01:07:03,626 --> 01:07:06,334
(applause)
1470
01:07:06,417 --> 01:07:09,500
(cheering)
1471
01:07:10,959 --> 01:07:12,542
(muttering)
1472
01:07:13,375 --> 01:07:16,167
Oh no, no, no. I'm
sorry. You are alone.
1473
01:07:16,250 --> 01:07:17,876
-(laughter)
-You are alone,
1474
01:07:17,959 --> 01:07:20,792
but only because you can't
leave the house today.
1475
01:07:20,876 --> 01:07:22,375
But you should.
1476
01:07:22,459 --> 01:07:24,083
It will-- it well help.
1477
01:07:24,167 --> 01:07:27,292
At the very least,
it will distract you
1478
01:07:27,375 --> 01:07:29,334
from those critical ruminations
1479
01:07:29,417 --> 01:07:32,751
that are a big part of
depression and anxiety.
1480
01:07:32,834 --> 01:07:35,792
And then maybe, you can do
a little bit more, slowly.
1481
01:07:35,876 --> 01:07:37,709
You have to just be patient
1482
01:07:37,792 --> 01:07:39,626
because there is hope.
1483
01:07:39,709 --> 01:07:41,709
I can't stress that enough.
1484
01:07:41,792 --> 01:07:44,959
I was ready to give up so
many times, but there is...
1485
01:07:45,042 --> 01:07:46,834
And I never thought,
I am so glad,
1486
01:07:46,918 --> 01:07:50,542
are you kidding me?
That I stuck around for this?
1487
01:07:50,626 --> 01:07:51,918
Oh...
1488
01:07:52,000 --> 01:07:55,125
(applause, cheering)
1489
01:08:00,292 --> 01:08:03,918
I'm just so grateful
because I was so sick.
1490
01:08:04,000 --> 01:08:07,042
When I went into the hospital,
I was sleeping every day
1491
01:08:07,125 --> 01:08:09,334
until at least six p.m.
1492
01:08:09,417 --> 01:08:11,959
And you're being generous.
You're giving me
the benefit of the doubt.
1493
01:08:12,042 --> 01:08:13,751
"Oh, you went to
bed really late."
1494
01:08:13,834 --> 01:08:15,792
-Ten.
-(laughter)
1495
01:08:15,876 --> 01:08:18,667
I was getting a solid 19.
1496
01:08:18,751 --> 01:08:20,876
(laughter)
1497
01:08:21,500 --> 01:08:23,334
And I wouldn't
wake up refreshed.
1498
01:08:23,417 --> 01:08:26,918
I would wake up
groggy and hopeless.
1499
01:08:27,000 --> 01:08:30,417
And then if I did a show
and got through a day,
1500
01:08:30,500 --> 01:08:32,125
I would reward myself
1501
01:08:32,209 --> 01:08:34,626
by getting a pint of ice cream.
1502
01:08:34,709 --> 01:08:36,876
And I would always
say to myself,
1503
01:08:36,959 --> 01:08:39,292
"Just eat half the pint."
1504
01:08:39,375 --> 01:08:40,626
But invariably,
1505
01:08:40,709 --> 01:08:42,876
I have this like
obsessive compulsion
1506
01:08:42,959 --> 01:08:45,459
where I need to leave
a flat surface...
1507
01:08:45,542 --> 01:08:47,334
(laughter)
1508
01:08:47,709 --> 01:08:49,709
For who, the day crew?
1509
01:08:49,792 --> 01:08:52,709
(laughter)
1510
01:08:52,792 --> 01:08:55,083
But I would keep
eating it flat.
1511
01:08:55,167 --> 01:08:57,167
And then I'd come across
a chocolate chunk,
1512
01:08:57,250 --> 01:08:59,000
and I need to excavate that,
1513
01:08:59,083 --> 01:09:01,000
and that leaves a pothole,
1514
01:09:01,083 --> 01:09:03,500
so I gotta smooth that over.
1515
01:09:03,584 --> 01:09:05,667
Then it starts to melt
along the perimeter,
1516
01:09:05,751 --> 01:09:09,584
-and that's gelato.
You can't let that go to waste.
-(laughter)
1517
01:09:09,667 --> 01:09:11,292
And before I know it,
I'd hit bottom.
1518
01:09:11,375 --> 01:09:14,667
Literally
and millennial literally.
1519
01:09:14,751 --> 01:09:17,876
(applause)
1520
01:09:21,918 --> 01:09:24,125
And I would just say,
"Just finish it, Gar.
1521
01:09:24,209 --> 01:09:26,500
Just finish it."
And I would finish it.
1522
01:09:26,584 --> 01:09:28,417
And I would put the fork down.
1523
01:09:28,500 --> 01:09:30,250
(laughter)
1524
01:09:30,334 --> 01:09:33,959
More times than not, I would
eat ice cream with a fork.
1525
01:09:34,584 --> 01:09:37,751
Which is like an unofficial
symptom of depression.
1526
01:09:38,125 --> 01:09:40,751
People say, well, why does
that mean you're depressed?
1527
01:09:40,834 --> 01:09:42,751
It may not. But it does mean,
1528
01:09:42,834 --> 01:09:45,959
at least, that you did
not possess the zest
1529
01:09:46,042 --> 01:09:47,876
to wash a spoon.
1530
01:09:47,959 --> 01:09:49,250
(laughter)
1531
01:09:49,334 --> 01:09:51,709
People would say, why don't
you just wash a spoon?
1532
01:09:51,792 --> 01:09:54,209
Why don't I shower?
1533
01:09:54,292 --> 01:09:56,834
(laughter)
1534
01:09:56,918 --> 01:09:58,959
I didn't have the energy.
1535
01:09:59,042 --> 01:10:02,167
But if I see fork prints
in your ice cream, oh,
1536
01:10:02,250 --> 01:10:04,042
fork prints in ice cream
1537
01:10:04,125 --> 01:10:07,959
are evidence of a life in chaos.
1538
01:10:08,042 --> 01:10:10,209
I can extrapolate
your entire home
1539
01:10:10,292 --> 01:10:12,542
from fork prints in ice cream.
1540
01:10:12,626 --> 01:10:14,375
I don't need to go
into your bathroom.
1541
01:10:14,459 --> 01:10:16,292
I know that the new
roll of toilet paper
1542
01:10:16,375 --> 01:10:18,626
is resting on
the empty spool.
1543
01:10:18,709 --> 01:10:20,751
(laughter)
1544
01:10:20,834 --> 01:10:22,751
It's the only household chore
1545
01:10:22,834 --> 01:10:26,542
we can do whilst
sitting on the toilet...
1546
01:10:26,626 --> 01:10:29,459
and I'm thinking,
"Pfft, not today."
1547
01:10:29,542 --> 01:10:32,292
(laughter)
1548
01:10:33,375 --> 01:10:35,250
I know you need to do laundry.
1549
01:10:35,334 --> 01:10:38,083
Depressed people hate laundry.
1550
01:10:38,167 --> 01:10:39,834
So many steps.
1551
01:10:39,918 --> 01:10:42,626
Separate the laundry.
Put it in the wash.
1552
01:10:42,709 --> 01:10:45,167
Take it out of the wash.
Put it in the dryer.
1553
01:10:45,250 --> 01:10:48,209
Take it out of the dryer.
Put it in the laundry bag.
1554
01:10:48,292 --> 01:10:49,584
Dump the laundry bag on the bed
1555
01:10:49,667 --> 01:10:51,542
and sleep around
it for two days.
1556
01:10:51,626 --> 01:10:52,918
(laughter)
1557
01:10:53,000 --> 01:10:55,834
I put it on, it's all wrinkled.
1558
01:10:55,918 --> 01:10:58,375
What am I gonna do, iron?
1559
01:10:58,459 --> 01:11:00,792
I haven't touched
an iron since Monopoly.
1560
01:11:00,876 --> 01:11:03,584
(laughter)
1561
01:11:04,417 --> 01:11:06,292
(applause)
1562
01:11:06,375 --> 01:11:07,959
(cheering)
1563
01:11:09,334 --> 01:11:10,626
(sighs)
1564
01:11:11,042 --> 01:11:13,542
But I know my
depresh is in remish
1565
01:11:13,626 --> 01:11:15,626
because I ironed this.
1566
01:11:15,709 --> 01:11:18,626
-And also...
-(cheering)
1567
01:11:18,709 --> 01:11:20,834
(applause)
1568
01:11:21,876 --> 01:11:25,292
Also, I have flossed
19 days in a row.
1569
01:11:25,375 --> 01:11:27,876
(cheering)
1570
01:11:27,959 --> 01:11:30,667
(applause)
1571
01:11:30,751 --> 01:11:32,417
I get out of bed,
1572
01:11:32,500 --> 01:11:35,542
and some days are
a little bit more difficult
1573
01:11:35,626 --> 01:11:38,626
than others. Never as
bad as it as it was,
1574
01:11:38,709 --> 01:11:41,417
but some days it's hard
to get out of bed and...
1575
01:11:42,626 --> 01:11:45,125
People say, "Why is it
hard to get out of bed?"
1576
01:11:45,209 --> 01:11:48,125
I think I know why.
This is my theory.
1577
01:11:48,876 --> 01:11:51,042
The thing they don't
tell you about life
1578
01:11:51,125 --> 01:11:53,876
when you're growing up is this.
1579
01:11:53,959 --> 01:11:56,042
Life, mm?
1580
01:11:56,125 --> 01:11:58,709
(laughter)
1581
01:11:59,792 --> 01:12:02,959
It's every single day.
1582
01:12:03,042 --> 01:12:05,834
-(laughter)
-(ticking)
1583
01:12:05,918 --> 01:12:08,626
(applause)
1584
01:12:08,709 --> 01:12:10,834
-Thank you.
-(cheering)
1585
01:12:10,918 --> 01:12:14,417
("Somedays" playing)
1586
01:12:16,751 --> 01:12:19,375
(cheering continues)
1587
01:12:31,000 --> 01:12:34,125
♪ I want to be your rock ♪
1588
01:12:36,000 --> 01:12:39,125
♪ Your Saturday cartoon ♪
1589
01:12:40,167 --> 01:12:43,292
♪ I want to be the jam ♪
1590
01:12:45,125 --> 01:12:48,292
♪ Your peanut butter, too ♪
1591
01:12:49,292 --> 01:12:52,459
♪ I want to be the skin ♪
1592
01:12:53,876 --> 01:12:57,083
♪ Of your favorite tattoo ♪
1593
01:12:58,709 --> 01:13:01,918
♪ Just to be the man ♪
1594
01:13:03,083 --> 01:13:06,209
♪ I never was to you ♪
1595
01:13:07,584 --> 01:13:10,792
♪ Some days you'll feel great ♪
1596
01:13:12,167 --> 01:13:15,375
♪ Somedays you'll feel so low ♪
1597
01:13:16,709 --> 01:13:18,709
♪ Don't let your sorrows ♪
1598
01:13:18,792 --> 01:13:20,792
♪ Drown in tomorrows ♪
1599
01:13:20,876 --> 01:13:24,000
♪ And take it as it goes ♪
1600
01:13:30,667 --> 01:13:33,792
♪ I want to be the vase ♪
1601
01:13:35,167 --> 01:13:38,334
♪ Of your favorite bouquet ♪
1602
01:13:39,667 --> 01:13:42,918
♪ I want to be the pill ♪
1603
01:13:44,250 --> 01:13:47,459
♪ That gets you
through your day ♪
1604
01:13:48,751 --> 01:13:50,667
♪ Don't let your sorrows ♪
1605
01:13:50,751 --> 01:13:52,834
♪ Drown your tomorrows ♪
1606
01:13:52,918 --> 01:13:56,083
♪ And take it as it goes ♪
1607
01:13:58,209 --> 01:14:01,334
♪ Take it as it goes ♪
1608
01:14:02,709 --> 01:14:05,792
♪ Take it as it goes ♪
1609
01:14:07,250 --> 01:14:10,375
♪ Take as it goes ♪