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Hey, kid, what's your name?
Milton.
Say Milton, we were kind of wondering
if you could help us deepen our relationship with Christ.
I really hate to do this, kid, but Satan promised me
Maiden tickets if I pissed on the Bible
before the next full moon.
It should be just down this ridge, man.
You keep saying, it's just down this way.
It's just down this way.
I keep having to turn around all the fucking time because you
keep nodding off on me.
Maybe I wouldn't fall asleep if you gave me something
interesting to talk about.
Something more interesting.
What's more interesting than fucking hog feed that makes
them into Incredible Hulk hogs.
Awesome, here's the spot.
Right up here.
It's right up over here.
You got to be fucking kidding me.
Well, man, I've been dumping shit in this creek for years.
Taking a dump don't count.
As members of the flock, we gather in this place of worship
to acknowledge the lessons, struggles, persecution,
and ultimate triumph of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Of course, we all know that Christ willingly
gave up his life so that our sins would be forgiven.
That being said, I found myself wondering as of late
whether the breadth and magnitude of Christ's suffering
even moves us anymore as Catholics.
After all, who among you even feels
guilt anymore with the full knowledge that every sin
that you commit lands squarely on the mutilated back
of our Lord.
What's worse, I have come to believe
that there are those among you who have come to celebrate sin,
and the machinations of the devil's mind,
reveling in TV shows about adultery and deviant
lifestyles, using social media to boast about self debasement
and intemperance.
Rock groups that treat Satan as a philosophical and artistic
inspiration.
Low-rise jeans, condom giveaways, internet porn,
legalize it t-shirts, pizza buffets, gay weddings.
All under God's watchful eye.
All with no regard for his words.
If I could, I would single handedly put an end
to every one of these sinners.
Send them straight down from this Earth
to bleed fire for an eternity in hell.
Let us pray.
All right, what do you guys think?
Come on, it's bad ass, right?
I mean, what is that?
This is a mutilated Christ right here.
The logo is supposed to be like twice the size of that.
I got to squint to make it out, and most people
can't even read metal logos.
Look, I did a great job.
I mean, I thought we talked about telling you
the cross was upside down.
Did you like design the shirt while you were wearing it
and look at it?
Come on, this is metal.
It's awful.
Hey, guys.
Got here as soon as I could.
Wow, you're all set up already.
Oh, yeah.
What are you doing here, dude?
Didn't Jones give you the memo?
No, why?
What up, dudes.
What's up, man.
I'm Vinny.
Hell, yeah, keep my metal maker warm for me.
Atta boy.
Let's do this shit.
Sticking around to hear how the nouveau girls are sounding?
Nah, I'm good.
That's cool, bro.
You guys ready to rage?
All right, let's do this.
Got it, guys.
Hey, Zane what's up?
Nothing, everything is down.
Did you just get out of bed?
Yeah, kinda.
Listen, Zane, I need to talk to you about something.
Oh, fuck, that makes two of us.
Guess what bullshit just landed in my lap, babe.
Let me go first.
OK.
I think maybe this thing has run its course.
Like, you're a really great guy and everything.
I just don't see us ending up together or whatever.
Wait, wait, wait, like a break?
Kinda, more like a break up.
So we're done?
Done, done?
I just think maybe it's time to move on.
Stop, Zo.
I can't believe this.
The world hates me today.
You're being a fucking asshole..
This is so... this is so not cool.
The Holy Saturday Metal Massacre,
a true gift to our community year after year.
One that represents values, hard work, spirit, real music.
The only Midwest metal show that will give you whiplash so bad
the next day, you wouldn't dare bend your neck down
for a bite of grandma's delicious Easter ham.
Six years and counting, my man, and yet ticket sales
are somehow down again.
This show tomorrow, it's either going
to catapult me into a new era of fame and fortune
as one of the Midwest premiere bookers of metal bands,
or no one will show up.
I'll be laughed out of the bar.
I'll have to start that generic crap, Country
Crunch.
I don't want that either, dude.
That's why I'll be cracking skulls tomorrow
to make sure this thing goes off without a hitch.
So I will definitely need my number one satanic thrash
killer there to help me out.
You up for the challenge Dark Lord Danny?
Yeah.
Good, now, we're not going to tell
your mom about this, right?
If she knew I was spending my weekends with you
at bars listening to loud, vulgar music,
she'd be pretty upset.
Do you remember why mommy would be upset?
Because of her heart.
That's correct.
The nice doctor took mommy's heart
out because it stopped working.
You remember what she replaced her heart with?
Septic tank?
That's right.
Now, eat up.
We got an unholy amount of stuff to do before the show.
Get them.
Yeah, one, two, three.
Yes, come in.
Hello, Father Brennan, you wanted to speak with me.
Oh, yes, please, Milton, have a seat.
You've been a priest here for about a year now, right?
Yes, Father.
It has truly been an honor in administering
the sacrament for this parish.
I'm very glad you feel that way.
Everybody at St. Mary's has been very taken
by your passion for this vocation.
Well, thank you.
Thank you, Father Brennan.
That means so much to hear you say.
We do, however, have some things to discuss.
Do you see that vestment there, and this cross behind me.
Yes, Father.
Those are gifts from my congregation in Nicaragua.
I keep them as a reminder of Christ's compassion
and charity.
You see, I was a missionary there in the early 70s.
We built a school, a small medical clinic, a church,
and what was... well, it still is a very poor part
of the country.
When I first arrived there was a man in the village
who described himself in his own words
along the lines of resident theologian,
very angry man, almost sinister.
He would occasionally interrupt my homilies
with accusations of witchcraft and heresy.
All such nonsense.
One night, the entire village was awakened by such screaming
that I had never heard.
This man of aggressive piety had come home late, found his wife
in bed with another.
He felt spiritually betrayed, so he took a machete,
and he proceeded to hack his wife and the lover into pieces.
When the rest of the village arrived at the house,
there was nothing left.
When asked what had happened, he said
that God had sent him on this mission
to perform this mortal exorcism upon his wife
and the other man.
He seemed proud of himself.
Proud of what he had done.
In his mind, he had seen Christ's virtue and justice
being performed.
I mean, he was beaming, very proud
to show the rest of the village that wrath and vengeance
were central to God's picture for humanity.
The sin of adultery is a heavy one.
What?
In this mortal exorcism, I've never heard of this.
Father Kilborn, we've had several complaints
about you in the last few weeks about what you
are saying at your mass.
I personally took over 30 calls last Monday
after your Palm Sunday homily.
So for this reason, I'm putting you
in touch with a psychologist here in town.
Someone I've known for a long, long time.
I'm also suspending you from your sacramental obligations
for three months.
Father Brennan, you can't be serious.
I've only sought to enlighten the parish
on the sinful, wicked, ungodly ways of the outside...
Milton, Milton, son.
This is the only course of action.
You need to have faith.
Take some time to figure out your relationship to God.
But I'm... I'm not sure if I can...
Think about Nicaragua.
Think about those handmade vestments.
You think about this cross from that old church,
and then ask yourself, is the key to God's kingdom
in fire and brimstone or compassion and charity.
Whoa, you look like a ray of sunshine.
Cool observation.
By the look on your face, I'm guessing
you've been hit by one of the big three.
A death, a dump, or an arrest.
Come on, man, I'm really not in the mood.
Fine.
So which of the three are we dealing with.
One, but it feels more like one and a half.
You and Tracy split?
Correct.
You know, I'd be lying if I said that was the worst thing that
could have happened to you.
I know.
You didn't like Tracy, and you didn't
like Jen or Kelly or Rachel.
Yes, I've been routinely unimpressed
with your choice of girlfriends, but that doesn't mean I
like seeing you get crapped on.
I know.
I'll be fine.
Just timing couldn't be worse.
How so?
I got kicked out of the band.
Oh, shit.
I'm sorry.
They nixed me out of the clear blue,
replacing me with some jack off.
Then I go over to Tracy's, and boom, nixed again,
probably replaced again.
Damn, man.
I'm actually surprised you're holding up this good.
I listened to Nursing Home Arson Strategy
about 20 times in a row.
It helped.
That's great.
I'm glad you're on the mend.
OK, OK, let's go for a drive.
Later.
No, I think we should go now.
Let's go now.
OK, come on.
What did I do?
Dear God, what did I do to deserve this.
I committed my life to Christ's teachings.
I obediently served my parish.
I would have followed Father Brennan
to the ends of the Earth.
Have I betrayed father?
Have I been betrayed?
I know that my heart is pure, and my soul is incorruptible.
How could I be in this place, robbed
of my station, ridiculed by my mentor,
denied the blessing of sacraments.
How could such a thing have befallen me?
Give me an answer, Lord.
I commend it.
This.
This is what it has come to me, Lord.
Jeremiah, 17, verse five.
Thus saith the Lord, cursed be the man
that trusted the man and maketh flesh his armor
and whose heart departeth from the Lord.
I have put too much faith in Father Brennan.
He has led me to this place to wither
like a tree in the desert.
I must renew my faith in God and God alone.
Father Brennan's strength is false.
His faith is weak.
I will not permit him to dictate the will of God to me.
Zane, check this one out.
Jesus is decapitated.
He's got no eyes, and he's got devil horns.
Perfect for you.
No, their early work's way too unpolished.
It's almost like you're crushed you might not
get to have screwdrivers jammed in your ears.
Whoa, whoa, hold on.
Grandma Incinerator is my favorite band in the world
ever.
I saw them at the first Holy Saturday Metal Massacre
six years ago.
They were my introduction to extreme metal.
One week ago, I was in the band that was
going to be opening for them.
They were going to love us, and Tracy
was going to be really happy that my band was
starting to take off.
Everything was awesome.
Now, everything is going to be shit.
If they're your favorite band ever, you should go regardless.
Right?
I can't go.
Watching Withered Christ with that dick singing,
people cheering, looking at me, staring pity into my skull.
Tracy will almost certainly be there.
I mean, what if she's there with someone?
Hey, can I help you headbangers find anything?
Oh, no, just him, just looking.
Do you have the new Gore God record, Genital Grinder?
Um, I had a few copies, but they sold out pretty quick.
I could probably order you one.
No, thanks though.
Look, Zane, if this Grandma's Refrigerator
is really important to you, you should go no matter what,
no matter what anyone else says or does
What?
What if you came?
No, no way.
I know you don't like my metal friends,
and I know you think most of this music sucks.
Zane, I love you, but I'm not going.
Oh, come on, Mariah.
I'll never ask another favor of you again.
I promise.
Nice.
Hey, guys.
Find everything you were looking for?
Sure did.
Awesome.
$9.62, please.
Thank you.
Can't tell you how awkward things could
get if I just went by myself.
Here you go.
Hey, you're the lead singer for that band
Withered Christ, aren't you?
Yeah.
Yeah, dude, I saw your show last October at the fairgrounds,
and that was fucking sick.
Yeah, that was cool.
Yeah, it was super fucking cool, and I
heard you guys are opening tomorrow night for Grandma
Incinerator.
Those dudes are fucking legend, and it's going to be awesome.
Yeah.
Yeah, OK, well, cool, then I'll see you guys there,
and party on.
See you.
I'll go.
Really?
Yeah, really.
Thanks, Mariah.
I'll owe you forever.
I should hope so.
OK, so the show's tomorrow night.
That gives us a little more than 24 hours to get you ready.
Get me ready?
Judged by man.
By man.
Judged by God.
Why does he have to deny me my flock?
I am God's choice.
Me.
I think you're supposed to be here.
Oh, I know.
It's fine.
I was just leaving, my child.
Does Father Brennan know that you're here?
Oh, I am...
I'm not sure, but I am quite confident that he'd
be perfectly fine.
OK, I'm going to go get something
to clean up this door.
Are you lying to me?
Excuse me, father.
Don't, please, stop right there.
What have you come to confess, my son?
Admit your sins.
Beg for God's mercy.
Do it now, or be condemned forever.
Confess.
Oh, please, God.
Show me where to go from here.
I place my faith in your hands, and my life at your feet.
Please, Lord, guide my troubled hands.
Oh Milton, tell me it wasn't you.
Hello.
Yes, this is Father Leslie Brennan at St. Mary's Church.
I'm afraid I'm calling to report a break in.
Yes, here at the church.
Well, I'm really not sure.
The only person who would have been here last night
would have been the parish custodian, Tom.
Yeah, I can't...
I really can't say what...
I didn't spend a lot of time in the room and...
right, right, well, I just know that everything was tipped over
and there were some...
Hey, Tracy, what you did yesterday was fucked up.
All right, Elton John, that's enough.
Let's go.
Come on.
Showing you a bass.
Let's do this.
Where are the clothes I brought you?
I kind of wanted to feel like a human being
until the last possible minute.
Ha, ha, ha.
So what's the plan?
Well, I kind of wanted to give you a crash course
about the bands at the show.
Oh, you mean the subtle difference
between a guy screaming at the top of his lungs,
and another guy growling like a voided out pitbull.
Yes.
First off, we have Mutilated by Zombies.
Brutal, technical death.
It's fast, complex rhythms and riffs, crazy solos,
awesome gory lyrics about...
well, getting mutilated by zombies.
Creative.
Next up, Telekinetic Yeti.
Two-piece stoner metal.
They'll be loud, really, really loud.
Both of them look like truckers with big beards and lots
of psychedelic references.
It'll be slow, heavy music.
They'll probably show up a little drunk
and then get baked backstage until it's their turn to play.
How charming.
And finally, Grandma Incinerator.
Classic, American death metal.
Super heavy, awesome, fast drums, fast guitars,
pummeling riffs, guttural vocals.
These guys write songs about death and mutilation
and botched surgeries and cannibalism
and all kinds of awesome stuff.
Some of the classics, Sunday Brunch, Monday Burial,
Wheelchair, Electric Chair, Open-Grave retirement plan.
Access Ramps to The Furnace Room.
OK, OK, OK, is that it?
Is it three bands?
Sadly, no.
Withered Christ is a formerly promising local band comprised
of cowards and talentless fuck ups.
They used to play air-tight satanic thrash,
but now suck dick for cash and will probably
get booed off the stage.
Well, they sound awesome.
Shut up.
So, what do you think?
I think that 12 years of Catholic school
had absolutely no effect on you whatsoever.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Showtime.
Fucking shit.
What the hell's that?
Damn it.
You all right, dude?
What the hell are you doing out here?
Jesus Christ, what happened to you?
You got any more beer, man?
We're out.
Chuck's supposed to bring more.
Well, where the hell is he?
He said he'd be here about an hour ago.
That roommate of yours is quite the little fuck up, huh?
He still working at Pizza Palace?
Get this.
He's selling knives door to door.
Fucking hilarious.
So where's the wifey?
I think she's in the back bedroom.
Said she be on and off the phone all day.
Family problems, or something like that.
Oh, so she ain't coming, huh.
Damn, that doesn't sound good.
Yeah, her folks and her are always fighting.
You should hear half the screaming that
comes out of that room, man.
Fucking ripping it now, man.
Hell, yeah, man.
I'd drink to that if I wasn't runninga neat.
Hey, dude, looks like Chuck's here.
About time.
You got those tickets, right?
Oh, yeah, back pocket.
Man, where you been with our beer?
You OK, Chuckles?
Dumb ass probably driving drunk again like always.
Dumb motherfucker.
What the fuck?
That's a lot.
That's a big load, baby.
Oh, oh, please get me a towel, baby.
All right, man, be sharp.
That fucker could still be here.
Let's go find Whitney.
All right.
Who the fuck is that guy?
Isn't that the kid from down the street?
Why is he in my fucking bed, and what the fuck is that?
Is that a goddamn condom?
That mother...
Fucking dammit.
Jesus Christ.
You're fucking lying!
No, man, no.
Got to be fist fucking me.
Relax, maybe he talks like that to everyone.
Yeah, fuck this.
I need a smoke.
You know, if you are looking for some new tail
tonight, smelling like an ashtray is not
going to help you.
Yeah, well, there won't be many girls here tonight.
Mostly just sweaty dudes.
Great.
Let's just fucking go.
All right.
Do you see her?
Not yet.
Does it always smell like farts in here?
Hey, guys.
What's up?
Hey, long time no see.
Hey, there's a problem backstage.
Can't you handle it?
I'm a little busy.
No, you're going to want to make the call on this one.
All right, take money, and if you see Danny, grab him.
He's been wandering off.
Where's the bathroom around here?
The bathroom?
The pisser?
I'll find it myself.
What?
Whoa, man.
What seems to be the problem, guys?
Look, usually we would never ask for this,
but we can find Vinny.
He left like a half hour ago.
We don't know where he is.
Well, find him.
Come on, man.
We've looked all over the neighborhood.
We can't find him.
Just give us a little more time.
Hey, man, you're supposed to be on in 15.
I give you your chance at the biggest metal show all year,
and this is how you're going to thank me.
Just give us the second slot, and we'll
get all this figured out, all right?
Fine, but I'm cutting your door take in half.
If that's what we've got to do.
And I'll give to you guys what I took from them.
Happy?
Fuck yeah, we'll take it.
All right, that I can deal with.
Good, now, get your shit, and get on the stage.
All right.
Hey, Zane, what's up?
Oh, hey.
How are you?
Good, you?
So you came, huh?
Yeah, why wouldn't I?
I saw you earlier.
Who did you come with?
My friend, Mariah.
Mariah, she looks different.
Yeah, well, people change, right?
It's nice talking to you.
Yeah.
See ya.
Hey, man, can we talk?
OK.
What's up?
Vinny bailed.
We can't find him.
And?
And we can't botch this opportunity.
You think you could help us out?
I suppose I could maybe do that.
Look, I'm sorry how shit went down.
We can talk about that later.
Where's the set list?
Oh, I don't know if you're cool with this,
but we've got a little something planned for the last song.
Something to celebrate the holiday.
Thank you.
This next one is Irreversible Torment.
Fuck.
Thank you.
Oh, this motherfucker.
Oh, sick, bro, sick.
Fucking love it.
Fuck you.
Hey, hey, hey, can I see your ticket?
Where is Zane?
Where's Zane?
I don't know who that is.
Can I see your ticket?
Long hair, black clothes.
Get everyone out of here.
Someone was murdered, and I think they're
coming here whoever did it.
Cool, maybe he's got $5 on him.
Please call the police.
You have to.
Sure thing, sweetheart.
Let me call the police..
In fact, let's have a little survey.
Hey, everyone.
Do you it'd be a great idea to bring the police out
to the show tonight?
Hey, aren't you Zane's friend?
Oh, don't even start.
Somebody really hurt.
Hello, somebody's strangled.
Zane, Zane, Zane.
Somebody was murdered.
All right, I know you all have some lighters.
Take them out right now.
Take out your lighters.
I want to see your lighters.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, OK, thank you.
This is our last song.
It's called
Stay tuned for Telekinetic Yeti.
Thank you.
What now?
So I just got off the phone with Grandma Incinerator.
And?
They're running a little late, and they're also
going to need to borrow some equipment.
You know, like drums, amps, maybe even a couple of guitars,
some pedals.
So what do you want to do?
Drink.
Thanks.
Zane, Zane, Zane, we need to leave right now.
I saw some get strangled.
Well some people are into that...
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
it was real.
It was totally real.
Like I saw it.
I saw it from my car.
Somebody's dead.
You need to slow down.
You're not making any sense.
Somebody was murdered.
I can't hear you.
Mariah, let's go.
The look on those guys' fucking faces.
So what exactly happened?
I was in my car kind of nodding off to my music,
and I saw this guy, this massive figure.
He came out of nowhere, and he started strangli... he started...
What?
This other guy.
He is the bad guy.
The screamer guy.
Who?
Vinny?
Yes.
Good.
No, I'm not... I'm not joking, Zane.
Hey, Zane, can we talk for just a minute?
Please, you were great up there by the way.
Come on, can't I just steal you away for like five minutes.
No, Mariah and I have to go talk about something.
I can see if I'll find you later.
What are you waiting for?
Go.
Look, this is still hard for me to believe,
but if it would make you feel better,
we can go to the police station.
OK, I just need to tell the other guys first.
OK, fine, I'm staying put.
And look, if you're jerking me around about all this because
of the show or Tracy or your outfit
or whatever, I'm going to be really ticked.
Hey, guys.
Is that real blood?
We need to get the fuck out of here.
Come on.
What's wrong?
I think the battery's dead.
- What?
Let's run.
What now?
What about everyone inside.
We have to warn them.
It's too loud.
No one will hear you in there.
We just have to stop the show.
How do you propose we do that?
Cut the power.
Find me something sturdy.
Maybe I can crack this open.
Here, here, try this.
Hurry, hit it harder.
Want to give this a shot, Hulk?
You fucking asshole.
We talked about this.
Bullshit.
I bought the last fucking round.
I bought the last three fucking rounds.
You do this every fucking time.
How dare you?
How... .
Find some liquid.
I hope this works.
Did it work?
Fuck, I don't think so.
OK, I think they know.
I think you're right.
Oh, shit, come on.
Guys, chill, we'll get the power back on.
What the hell?
Oh, fuck.
Stop, let me see your ticket.
Danny, run.
No.
Now, Danny, or no Morbid Angel for a week.
Fine.
You think you can just come and ruin the best show of the year,
kill my audience, fuck up my scene.
I'm Ryan Rammer, asshole.
Oh, fuck me.
I am God's humble servant.
You must atone for your sins.
Which sins exactly, father?
There's so many.
The swearing, the porn, the lying on my taxes,
the running from my problems?
So did women just not find you attractive there, father?
Is that what drove you to priesthood?
Can't imagine why.
You kids know where the Smokestack is?
You don't want to go.
Everyone's either dead or in the process.
What?
Someone, something, it's on a killing spree.
We're going to get help.
Where?
The cops.
Why them?
Because they're the cops.
They have guns.
We don't need any guns.
This isn't our first bar fight, little lady.
Was the daycare closed there, father?
Had to crash our crib instead?
Guys, there's nothing on Earth I'd rather
do than chill with Grandma Incinerator,
but we should really do something like right now.
I got these.
Here you go.
You want some of this first?
Hell awaits.
It's Slayer's best fucking album.
And He shall show no mercy.
Dude, what's with you and slayer?
Do you think they got him?
If anyone can, it's Grandma mother fucking Incinerator.
Wait, wait, where are you guys going?
It's a blood bath in there, man.
Have you been in there, kid?
Fuck this.
You can't just leave us.
Good luck, kid.
I thought you guys were tough.
Just because I sing about corpses, doesn't mean I
want to become one in your shitty little town.
What's going on?
He's in the van.
We got to go.
You got the wrong idea, buddy.
We're all about going to church and worshipping
God and all that shit, man.
We're on the same side, huh, father?
I mean, Jesus is really, really cool.
Sh, God knows all, and he knows your tongue
speaks for the devil.
Father, Father.
What seems to be the matter?
Now, what's all this commotion?
Can we barricade the door, Father?
We need to call the police.
There was a maniac on the loose.
What is that?
There is a sinner among you, Father Brennan.
This is a house of worship.
We are all sinners just yearning for reconciliation.
This one has set fire to the words of the Lord.
He must pay for this severe indiscretion.
Milton?
If you are harboring him, you must give him up now.
It is God's will.
My God, what has happened to you?
Silence.
I am not Milton.
I am Father Kilborn.
Servant of the Lord.
Sent out of my mortal body to exact a more pure form
of God's will on this Earth.
I don't understand what you want, Father Kilborn.
This is Easter vigil.
It's the House of the Lord.
This is my house as the Lord is within me,
and these wretched kids who will pay for their sins.
He's looking for me.
Yes, yes, I am.
Milton, what are you doing.
Let these kids go.
This is not what God would want on the eve of his son's
resurrection.
Yes, indeed.
His son has been resurrected.
He is more powerful than ever.
Your wicked sins will soon be all that exists.
Your life of offense to God will soon come to an end.
Seems to me, God would be pretty offended
by the murder of innocent people.
Innocent?
You feel that you are innocent.
Those degenerates back at the bar are innocent.
That unclean woman you run around with.
I will crush you both with the hands of God.
Why us?
You're usually too busy scolding people
who watch porn and smoke weed and think about global warming
and support abortion clinics and whatever else you bitch about
in your pathetic homilies.
People forget with that type of music represents.
Debauchery, and sin, evil, and sloth.
This church has turned a blind eye to your community
for too long.
That's not what metal is about it all, man.
Metal is about being true to yourself.
Metal is about outsiders coming...
Fuck you, Father.
I don't think I ever need to step foot in a church again.
I don't think I ever have stepped foot in a church.
How does this happen to someone?
I mean, what is he?
How about we give the boys in blue a call and let
them figure it out.
Yeah, OK.
You know, I do feel kind of bad for cutting your metal speech
short.
Sounded convincing.
Truer words have never been spoken staring down
a mutated monster priest.
I wonder if Tracy made it out alive.
Who knows.
Yeah.
Look, Mariah, thanks for everything.
It's all good.
What are friends for?
No, it's more than just that.
Divine intervention, motherfuckers.
This is like the best metal show ever, daddy!
Hey, it's Zane, right?
Yeah.
Kind of off topic, but you killed it on vocals tonight.
Thanks.
Can we please get the fuck out of here
before something else happens?
One of the best sets I've seen.
I was a huge fan.
Get it?
Because there's a big fan in my back.
Oh my God.
Oh, is this how we kill him.
Yep, we kill him by hitting him.
So we're running him over right now.
You guys going to watch a little longer or...
You got this under control?
Yeah, I think I'm just going to keep running him over
back and forth till the cops get here.
Good idea.
Where are you going?
Easter family shit.
I hope this new look sticks.
Stick it up your asshole.
He broke my fucking wrist, but I...
I didn't stop.
I just kept hitting in the fucking head, and then he...
Hero, Ryan Rammer single-handedly
stopped what's being referred to as the Saturday Metal Massacre
massacre.
Reporting live from St Mary's, I'm Jessica Baker, TV 6.
I guess, I don't know.
So of course, he's walking out, and I'm like, you know what?
I'm going to blast him, so I hit him with the van.
Guts go everywhere, and I just keep running back and forth,
back and forth, back and forth, back and forth until you
guys get here. I mean, he's a bloody pulp
Like, dude, there's no way he's coming back from this.
You got plans this weekend?
No, not really.
No, I'm not really too religious so don't really
celebrate Easter.
Yeah, same here.
I always kind of thought the whole Jesus
thing was a bunch of fake shit.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Like what kind of idiot lets himself
get captured by the cops when he has the magic powers
to make his own alcohol.
Yeah, I think I'm just going to cruise
the strip for some high school chicks tonight.
My wife's out of town, and I'm pretty sure our kids are up
at her folks place.
Yeah, you know what?
That sounds like a great idea.
Mind if I tag along?
Sounds good to me, buddy.
You know me.
There's killin to be done, we can kill them all.
There's grass on the field, play ball.