1 00:02:09,562 --> 00:02:16,335 Holidays 2 00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:35,487 coach 3 00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:47,799 all right, up you go, Max! 4 00:02:47,801 --> 00:02:50,736 Yah! Up you go, maxi-pad! 5 00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:53,405 Knock it off, Heidi. 6 00:03:02,815 --> 00:03:04,183 Oh, my god. 7 00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:23,969 Whoo! Here we go, Max! Bring me that brick! 8 00:03:25,672 --> 00:03:26,772 C'mon now! 9 00:03:29,809 --> 00:03:33,212 Maxi-pad! Maxi-pad! 10 00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:35,747 Maxi-pad! 11 00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:38,917 Maxi-pad! Maxi-pad! 12 00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:42,321 Maxi-pad! Maxi-pad! 13 00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:44,623 Maxi-pad! Maxi-pad! 14 00:03:45,325 --> 00:03:48,293 Maxi-pad! Maxi-pad! 15 00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:50,262 Maxi-pad! Maxi-pad! 16 00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:51,830 Maxi-pad! 17 00:04:07,013 --> 00:04:08,380 You know what you have to do, maxi. 18 00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:16,448 Looks like someone wants a kiss! 19 00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:17,749 Ooh! 20 00:05:28,728 --> 00:05:29,795 Well? 21 00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:33,498 Well, what? He loves me. 22 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,334 He didn't give you detention? 23 00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:38,437 Detention? Please, girl. 24 00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:41,440 How he gon' give me detention when he knows we gon' set this up on Friday! 25 00:05:41,808 --> 00:05:44,443 Huh? 26 00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:46,545 Well, no, Valentine's is, uh, Valentine's is tonight... 27 00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:48,113 Why... why would we go Friday? 28 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,652 Well, I can't do Friday. 29 00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:54,786 Well, no, you know, the, the talent show. 30 00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:55,654 Talent show fund raiser 31 00:05:57,457 --> 00:06:00,792 no, no, the talent show that the kids organized for my operation. 32 00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:02,894 Aw. 33 00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:07,032 Did you really think Mr. Rockwell was trying 34 00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:09,468 to kiss your little rat lips? 35 00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:11,903 Hmm? 36 00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,409 Hmm? 37 00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:20,412 Hey! I'm talking to you, maxi-pad. 38 00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:23,615 No, no, i know, but, you know, it's a nice gesture, 39 00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:24,616 you know how much these kids love me. 40 00:06:25,985 --> 00:06:28,453 Not like that. 41 00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:30,622 No, they look up to me, Kim, all right. 42 00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:33,725 And I'd be a real jerk to ditch out on my own fundraiser, don't you think? 43 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:37,729 You really think he'd go for you? 44 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:40,165 Over me? 45 00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:44,136 Just wait until he sees the twerking routine we came up with for the talent show. 46 00:06:44,138 --> 00:06:47,005 Real Nicki Minaj shit. 47 00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:49,541 That's fine. No, no, no, you know what, that's great. 48 00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:50,876 Ya, I love you too. 49 00:06:59,852 --> 00:07:01,853 Heart and lung foundation 50 00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,855 mr, Rockwell, we regret to inform 51 00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:10,629 what are you doing to get him a new heart? 52 00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:12,798 Did you organize a talent show? 53 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:16,902 Are you gonna perform something? Hmm? 54 00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:21,573 Ooh, I know. How about a little game of show and tell? 55 00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:26,011 First you show everybody your little friend, Mr. box cutter. 56 00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:30,081 And then just watch as those donations pour in 57 00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:36,154 when you tell them it's the same toy your dear dead daddy 58 00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:37,456 killed himself with. 59 00:07:49,769 --> 00:07:51,002 I gotta meet Rick. 60 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,948 Uh, you're not going to go take a shower? 61 00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:04,182 No, I'll take one at home. 62 00:08:06,052 --> 00:08:09,521 I heard this one has rats in it. 63 00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:41,820 To Maxine coach Rockwell 64 00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:18,023 maxi pad 65 00:10:07,873 --> 00:10:09,007 to Maxine coach Rockwell 66 00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:13,612 to Maxine love coach Rockwell 67 00:11:10,970 --> 00:11:13,338 stop following me, maxi-pad. 68 00:11:16,942 --> 00:11:20,011 You're acting really weird today, even for you. 69 00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:25,016 Well, go ahead. 70 00:11:33,793 --> 00:11:35,894 Well, I'm gonna cut through the woods. See you tomorrow. 71 00:11:39,231 --> 00:11:40,799 Happy Valentine's day. 72 00:12:02,922 --> 00:12:04,189 What are you doing? 73 00:12:10,796 --> 00:12:12,964 You don't even live this way. 74 00:12:17,436 --> 00:12:19,270 Stop following me. 75 00:12:30,282 --> 00:12:31,516 Now look what you did! 76 00:13:03,983 --> 00:13:06,851 I... I... I was just kidding. 77 00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:40,485 We're going to be late. 78 00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:42,554 Well, I thought i had until Friday. 79 00:13:42,556 --> 00:13:46,024 Why would you think that? Valentine's day is tonight! 80 00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:24,028 Give me your heart 81 00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:25,330 happy Valentine's day 82 00:14:25,332 --> 00:14:27,899 written and directed by Kevin kolsch 83 00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:30,168 and Dennis widmyer 84 00:14:38,177 --> 00:14:40,912 shamrocks. Irish dancing. Parades of green. 85 00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:42,881 These are some of the images that come to mind when we think 86 00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:44,215 of St. Patrick's day. 87 00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:50,955 On weekends I play with my magical whores 88 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:57,228 but who exactly was St. Patrick? 89 00:14:57,230 --> 00:15:00,131 And how did he deliver the word of god to Ireland? 90 00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:00,131 Horse 91 00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:04,035 a land once in the grip of druids, pagans, and devil worshippers? 92 00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:04,569 According to legend, 93 00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:08,473 Patrick banished all of the snakes from Ireland by tossing them into the sea. 94 00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:12,277 Although evidence suggests there were no snakes in Ireland 95 00:15:12,279 --> 00:15:14,212 during the 5th century. 96 00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:17,048 Most scholars believe this to be a metaphor. 97 00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:20,618 St. Patrick's expulsion of the pagans and mystics. 98 00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:24,188 Long may Ireland let slip from memory its paganistic days of old. 99 00:15:31,563 --> 00:15:32,463 Hiya, grainne. 100 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:36,935 That's very pretty. Who is it for? 101 00:15:38,404 --> 00:15:39,504 Okay. 102 00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:44,943 Look. I know how hard change is, 103 00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:48,179 coming to a new school, not having any friends. 104 00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:51,649 But I bet if you were to show us that smile just for a second, 105 00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:54,385 it would make all the difference in the world. 106 00:15:56,388 --> 00:15:58,389 Do you know what? I have an idea. 107 00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:01,960 Would you like to ring the lunch bell? 108 00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:58,683 Only your deepest wish can make me smile 109 00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:08,059 hiya, it's me. 110 00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:10,461 I can't chat for long. I'm here waiting for Sam. 111 00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:12,764 He's insisted I park away from the school because apparently 112 00:17:12,766 --> 00:17:14,465 I'm not cool. 113 00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:16,467 He's like, "mum, it's not authentic if I smile." 114 00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:23,307 Yeah, it's your holy communion photo, not the dogme 95 movement. 115 00:17:32,284 --> 00:17:32,283 My doctor actually recommended 116 00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:37,688 I get new contact lenses with "hope" printed on the insides. 117 00:17:37,690 --> 00:17:40,491 Apparently clinical trials suggest it may help 118 00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:43,094 the cynical wheel of self-loathing from turning. 119 00:17:43,529 --> 00:17:45,229 I hate myself. 120 00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:51,202 Anyway, I can't wait to see you this weekend for paddy's day. 121 00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:53,638 We'll get fucked up, yeah? Find you a man? 122 00:18:10,689 --> 00:18:13,424 Day 1 123 00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:13,424 Liz, where are ya? 124 00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:17,228 I went back to the bar but there was no sign of you and that 125 00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:19,464 Danny zuko wannabe you were talking to. 126 00:18:19,466 --> 00:18:20,798 Would you call me, you think? 127 00:18:25,571 --> 00:18:28,639 I'd like you to pick your favorite book, 128 00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:30,808 write a page about why you like it, 129 00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,477 and score the book out of ten. 130 00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:34,479 Hand in date is two weeks from today. 131 00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:38,516 Okay, everybody, page 38, circles. 132 00:18:52,164 --> 00:18:54,665 Day 13 133 00:19:02,441 --> 00:19:04,609 fuck! Hiya, grainne. 134 00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:08,779 What? 135 00:19:16,255 --> 00:19:17,822 Now, hang on. 136 00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:18,756 That's not very appropriate, grainne. 137 00:19:44,883 --> 00:19:46,350 Mrs. Cullen? 138 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,221 You are pregnant. 139 00:19:50,223 --> 00:19:52,490 I fucking knew it! 140 00:19:53,358 --> 00:19:55,526 I just can't believe it! 141 00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,595 Oh! I've waited so long for this. 142 00:19:57,597 --> 00:20:00,865 However, we're not certain with what. 143 00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:04,635 Well, if it's a boy or a girl, that doesn't matter to me. 144 00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:07,438 We'd like to run some further tests. 145 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:10,875 Although, if the results indicate a false positive, 146 00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:14,845 we'd need to operate immediately and remove it. 147 00:20:15,414 --> 00:20:16,781 I'm pregnant. 148 00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,618 Ooh. 149 00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:22,687 Did... did you understand what I said? 150 00:20:22,689 --> 00:20:24,755 Mmm-hmm, it's totally grand, boy or girl, 151 00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:26,357 whatever I get, I'm happy. 152 00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:27,992 I am so happy. 153 00:20:27,994 --> 00:20:31,862 Were you with somebody recently, or some animal of some kind? 154 00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:32,930 No. 155 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:38,636 Okay, have you ever seen the Hollywood movie Rosemary's baby? 156 00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:38,636 Yeah. 157 00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:42,974 If you replace '"baby" with "reptile", 158 00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:48,346 that's what you have. 159 00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:49,647 It's like Rosemary's reptile. 160 00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:51,515 Huh? 161 00:21:08,667 --> 00:21:09,834 The story of prince lindworm brother, prince, snake 162 00:21:09,836 --> 00:21:10,901 book report 163 00:21:10,903 --> 00:21:12,536 love this tale of terror ten out of ten 164 00:21:15,707 --> 00:21:16,674 grainne, what is this? 165 00:21:19,311 --> 00:21:20,511 Grainne, what is this? 166 00:21:21,813 --> 00:21:24,015 Grainne, what is this? 167 00:21:47,506 --> 00:21:48,572 Stop smiling! 168 00:22:01,853 --> 00:22:06,891 Day 366 169 00:22:06,893 --> 00:22:06,891 nan just called. 170 00:22:06,893 --> 00:22:11,929 She says you look like a 25-year-old woman from the middle ages, 171 00:22:11,931 --> 00:22:14,999 spliced with a mentally ill circle. 172 00:22:15,001 --> 00:22:17,034 I'm booking an appointment with Dublin zoo. 173 00:22:17,036 --> 00:22:19,103 There's no excuses this time, Liz. 174 00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:38,989 Hi, can I help you with anything? 175 00:22:50,836 --> 00:22:54,438 I'm, I'm really sorry. That's not really, that's not... 176 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:55,639 That's not really okay. 177 00:23:05,050 --> 00:23:08,519 I'm sorry. I'm just going to have to take that. 178 00:23:08,521 --> 00:23:10,388 I'm sorry. You're going to have to leave. 179 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:20,598 What the fuck are you thinking, Liz? 180 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:25,870 The zoo just called, they said you never turned up for your appointment. 181 00:23:25,872 --> 00:23:30,441 I know you're probably saying to yourself, "what if the vet's got it wrong?" 182 00:23:30,443 --> 00:23:33,677 Let me impart some important advice I learned a long time ago, the hard way. 183 00:23:34,546 --> 00:23:36,046 Vets don't get things wrong. 184 00:23:38,583 --> 00:23:41,118 Giving birth to a snake is not only suicide, 185 00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:44,088 it's probably the most wrong-headed thing ever attempted 186 00:23:44,090 --> 00:23:47,491 in the field of human endeavor. 187 00:23:47,493 --> 00:23:51,829 The only thing you have to do to make our family happy is just come home. 188 00:23:52,931 --> 00:23:54,098 Alone. 189 00:24:04,443 --> 00:24:05,743 Shh. 190 00:24:17,622 --> 00:24:18,856 Shh. 191 00:24:20,659 --> 00:24:22,560 It'll all be over soon, i promise. 192 00:24:22,562 --> 00:24:24,595 Shh. Shh. 193 00:24:24,597 --> 00:24:26,831 I need you to help me get clean of this, okay? 194 00:26:03,061 --> 00:26:04,261 Horrible, isn't it? 195 00:26:06,865 --> 00:26:07,831 You cannot remember. 196 00:26:09,568 --> 00:26:10,834 But you can't forget. 197 00:26:13,271 --> 00:26:16,974 Grainne, this is your father? 198 00:26:20,912 --> 00:26:22,346 Danny fucking zucko? 199 00:26:24,883 --> 00:26:26,684 Our little boy is waiting. 200 00:26:31,289 --> 00:26:33,924 Look, I know you think she's different, but she's not. 201 00:26:33,926 --> 00:26:36,594 She'll run a mile when she claps eyes on him. 202 00:26:36,596 --> 00:26:38,228 Just wanted a normal baby. 203 00:26:39,130 --> 00:26:40,631 It's not fair. 204 00:26:41,066 --> 00:26:43,100 Blah blah blah. 205 00:26:43,102 --> 00:26:45,302 But just look how quickly she forgets. 206 00:26:45,304 --> 00:26:46,904 Don't make me laugh. 207 00:26:46,906 --> 00:26:47,871 She's the same as the rest of them. 208 00:26:52,377 --> 00:26:53,944 I'm so sorry. 209 00:26:58,183 --> 00:26:59,783 I had no idea. 210 00:27:00,619 --> 00:27:02,753 He'd be so damn ugly. 211 00:27:03,655 --> 00:27:05,623 You'd be so beautiful. 212 00:27:23,842 --> 00:27:26,377 Very good, little one. Very good. 213 00:27:27,045 --> 00:27:28,178 Let's go! 214 00:27:30,783 --> 00:27:35,119 I bet there's a whole lotta disenchanted folk out there 215 00:27:35,121 --> 00:27:39,123 just waiting for a bouncing snake to lighten up their lives. 216 00:27:42,827 --> 00:27:48,065 I bet if we tap into that lonely miserable demographic, 217 00:27:48,067 --> 00:27:51,035 in a few short years and a bit of luck, 218 00:27:51,037 --> 00:27:53,303 we might just hit pre-Patrick numbers. 219 00:28:03,715 --> 00:28:04,848 Oh, my beautiful baby! 220 00:28:19,330 --> 00:28:21,432 Only your deepest wish can make me smile 221 00:28:35,914 --> 00:28:37,314 st Patrick's day greetings 222 00:28:37,316 --> 00:28:40,718 happy St. Patrick's day 223 00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:43,120 written and directed by Gary shore 224 00:28:49,060 --> 00:28:52,296 time to close your eyes and go to sleep. 225 00:28:52,298 --> 00:28:55,733 It's a special day tomorrow. Someone's coming tonight. 226 00:28:55,735 --> 00:28:57,334 I'll give you a hint. 227 00:28:57,336 --> 00:28:59,303 He's furry. 228 00:29:00,305 --> 00:29:01,805 And he hops. 229 00:29:03,007 --> 00:29:05,375 And you wake up in the morning and you get... 230 00:29:06,945 --> 00:29:08,846 Candy eggs and candy chicks. 231 00:29:08,848 --> 00:29:10,914 Yes. But here's the thing. 232 00:29:10,916 --> 00:29:13,016 No kid has ever seen him. 233 00:29:13,018 --> 00:29:16,987 Because all the kids are supposed to be asleep when he comes. Okay? 234 00:29:16,989 --> 00:29:18,522 Okay. 235 00:29:18,524 --> 00:29:20,257 Okay. Close your eyes. 236 00:29:24,229 --> 00:29:25,195 Wait. 237 00:29:26,498 --> 00:29:28,465 I'm scared. 238 00:29:28,467 --> 00:29:31,835 Why? Are you afraid you're going to have a bad dream? 239 00:29:34,305 --> 00:29:37,007 The man coming back from the dead. 240 00:29:37,542 --> 00:29:39,042 What man? 241 00:29:39,978 --> 00:29:42,346 Jesus. 242 00:29:42,348 --> 00:29:46,984 In church they said that easter was about him coming back from being dead. 243 00:29:46,986 --> 00:29:48,352 What about the easter bunny? 244 00:29:49,521 --> 00:29:51,121 Is he dead too? 245 00:29:51,123 --> 00:29:53,056 No, the easter bunny's different. 246 00:29:54,392 --> 00:29:55,959 Is Jesus real? 247 00:29:56,861 --> 00:29:58,428 Yeah, he was real. 248 00:29:58,430 --> 00:30:00,497 -He was? -Yeah. 249 00:30:00,499 --> 00:30:02,199 But he was a good man. 250 00:30:03,368 --> 00:30:05,402 And you know what? 251 00:30:05,404 --> 00:30:10,140 Yes, he died, but when he came back, that was a good thing. 252 00:30:10,142 --> 00:30:12,976 It was a miracle that he came back. 253 00:30:12,978 --> 00:30:18,081 He flew up into the stars and he went back where he came from. 254 00:30:18,083 --> 00:30:19,917 And he lives in our hearts now. 255 00:30:22,387 --> 00:30:24,822 It's kind of like a scary version of e.T. 256 00:30:27,126 --> 00:30:29,326 Yeah, but he wasn't a story, he was real. 257 00:30:31,830 --> 00:30:34,064 What about the easter bunny? 258 00:30:34,066 --> 00:30:36,466 Well, the easter bunny comes on easter. 259 00:30:36,468 --> 00:30:39,236 But I thought that's when Jesus came back from the dead. 260 00:30:41,072 --> 00:30:42,105 Uh... 261 00:30:44,008 --> 00:30:45,943 No, it's... that's different. 262 00:30:45,945 --> 00:30:47,511 I don't understand, mommy. 263 00:30:47,513 --> 00:30:50,547 Oh, honey, just close your eyes and go to sleep. 264 00:30:50,549 --> 00:30:54,084 And tomorrow you are going to wake up and there will be 265 00:30:54,086 --> 00:30:56,086 candy chicks and eggs and yummy stuff. 266 00:30:56,088 --> 00:30:59,056 But what if I'm awake when he comes? 267 00:30:59,058 --> 00:31:01,225 What if I get up and get a glass of water? 268 00:31:01,227 --> 00:31:03,393 It's okay to get a glass of water. 269 00:31:03,395 --> 00:31:07,064 No, but what if he's here? What if I see him? 270 00:31:07,066 --> 00:31:09,433 Shh. Honey. Just go to sleep. 271 00:31:10,501 --> 00:31:11,902 Mommy. 272 00:31:13,071 --> 00:31:14,872 How does he get in the house? 273 00:31:14,874 --> 00:31:16,039 Shh. 274 00:31:16,407 --> 00:31:17,374 Okay. 275 00:31:19,110 --> 00:31:22,312 I'm gonna count to three, and I want those eyes shut. 276 00:31:23,448 --> 00:31:25,249 All right? One. 277 00:31:26,985 --> 00:31:28,085 Two. 278 00:31:31,356 --> 00:31:32,422 Three. 279 00:31:35,326 --> 00:31:39,296 You're going to wake up tomorrow and it's going to be exactly like last year. 280 00:31:46,137 --> 00:31:47,337 Mommy? 281 00:31:50,241 --> 00:31:52,309 Last year, daddy was here. 282 00:31:53,278 --> 00:31:54,945 Will he ever come back? 283 00:31:58,383 --> 00:31:59,449 Maybe. 284 00:32:00,418 --> 00:32:02,085 Go to sleep, baby. 285 00:33:47,258 --> 00:33:48,325 Mommy? 286 00:36:30,788 --> 00:36:32,422 This is a dream. 287 00:36:33,624 --> 00:36:34,891 You're not real. 288 00:36:48,906 --> 00:36:50,440 Touch me. 289 00:37:23,341 --> 00:37:24,841 No child has ever seen me. 290 00:37:26,577 --> 00:37:29,646 I won't... I won't tell anyone i saw you. 291 00:37:30,481 --> 00:37:30,480 I promise. 292 00:37:30,482 --> 00:37:34,851 But now that you've seen me. Now it is your turn. 293 00:37:37,321 --> 00:37:38,855 You must take my place. 294 00:37:40,558 --> 00:37:42,626 Take... take your place? 295 00:37:44,262 --> 00:37:47,664 You will see things few have ever seen. 296 00:37:50,001 --> 00:37:51,635 Magical things. 297 00:37:52,803 --> 00:37:55,405 But what if... What if I don't want to? 298 00:37:57,308 --> 00:37:58,908 You have no choice. 299 00:38:01,979 --> 00:38:04,648 Can I... can I come back and see my mommy? 300 00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:14,624 Where you're going, you will never see your mommy ever, ever again. 301 00:38:39,684 --> 00:38:41,785 Now close your eyes. 302 00:39:33,704 --> 00:39:34,804 Honey? 303 00:39:36,707 --> 00:39:37,707 Honey? 304 00:39:42,147 --> 00:39:43,546 Honey? 305 00:39:51,889 --> 00:39:53,456 Best easter wishes 306 00:39:53,458 --> 00:39:55,024 happy easter 307 00:39:55,026 --> 00:39:59,829 written and directed by Nicholas McCarthy 308 00:40:23,954 --> 00:40:27,590 you know, there are only a few days in any woman's cycle 309 00:40:27,592 --> 00:40:31,094 where she's capable of conceiving. 310 00:40:31,096 --> 00:40:34,531 And you're on, generic high dose progestin? 311 00:40:35,900 --> 00:40:37,667 Do you take it at the same time every day? 312 00:40:37,669 --> 00:40:39,803 Mmm-hmm. -You're sure? 313 00:40:40,438 --> 00:40:41,938 He wears two condoms. 314 00:40:41,940 --> 00:40:43,907 Hmm? 315 00:40:43,909 --> 00:40:47,544 I ask him to wear two condoms. Sometimes three. 316 00:41:00,958 --> 00:41:04,194 And you've terminated nearly 20 pregnancies? 317 00:41:04,196 --> 00:41:05,662 I've stopped counting. 318 00:41:06,597 --> 00:41:08,465 -I'm sorry, I... -It's okay. 319 00:41:08,467 --> 00:41:10,733 I've been to see so many doctors. 320 00:41:10,735 --> 00:41:12,836 My family won't talk to me. 321 00:41:13,971 --> 00:41:17,640 My friends think I'm insane, 322 00:41:17,642 --> 00:41:19,576 or making it up, or just... 323 00:41:25,015 --> 00:41:26,516 It's... 324 00:41:30,521 --> 00:41:32,155 It's like I'm cursed. 325 00:41:36,126 --> 00:41:38,595 I don't usually do this. 326 00:41:38,597 --> 00:41:42,232 But it does feel like you've exhausted all other options. 327 00:41:42,234 --> 00:41:45,134 I'm going to give you my sister's phone number. 328 00:41:45,136 --> 00:41:51,107 She volunteers at these weekend fertility ceremonies in the high desert. 329 00:41:51,109 --> 00:41:55,512 Maybe she can give you some sort of insight that the rest of us haven't been able to. 330 00:41:55,514 --> 00:41:57,213 Thank you. Thank you. 331 00:41:59,149 --> 00:42:02,719 It's probably not for me, but I appreciate it. 332 00:42:02,721 --> 00:42:05,622 Kate, if what you've told me is true 333 00:42:05,624 --> 00:42:08,658 then I don't think conventional medicine can help you. 334 00:42:19,904 --> 00:42:22,105 What happens at the ceremony? 335 00:42:22,107 --> 00:42:26,175 Well, um, have you ever participated in a peyote ceremony 336 00:42:26,177 --> 00:42:30,013 or ayahuasca, or any kind of ceremonial medicine? 337 00:42:30,015 --> 00:42:30,013 Well, no. 338 00:42:30,015 --> 00:42:33,550 It can be an intense experience. 339 00:42:33,552 --> 00:42:39,989 Um, but if you're open to it, I think that you can really learn something. 340 00:42:47,865 --> 00:42:49,866 I know I'm going to get pregnant this time. 341 00:42:49,868 --> 00:42:52,835 I know it. I know it. Sometimes it takes many times 342 00:42:52,837 --> 00:42:54,270 to come here before you do. 343 00:42:54,272 --> 00:42:56,306 I think you have to let go of the trying. 344 00:42:56,308 --> 00:42:58,341 Yeah, I get nervous sometimes. 345 00:42:58,343 --> 00:43:01,878 Make yourself at home. The ceremony will start in an hour. 346 00:43:06,684 --> 00:43:08,051 How old are you? 347 00:43:08,053 --> 00:43:09,352 Twenty-four. 348 00:43:09,354 --> 00:43:11,154 What's the rush? 349 00:43:11,156 --> 00:43:14,057 I'm actually not trying to have a baby right now. 350 00:43:14,059 --> 00:43:15,224 Then what are you doing here? 351 00:43:16,894 --> 00:43:19,095 I get pregnant every time I have sex. 352 00:43:21,298 --> 00:43:22,231 Sounds rough. 353 00:45:00,397 --> 00:45:03,433 No. No. No. No. 354 00:45:03,435 --> 00:45:09,038 You are a gateway. 355 00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:13,309 No, I have to go home. No, I have to get out of here. 356 00:45:16,147 --> 00:45:18,781 No, I have to go home. No, I don't want to be here. 357 00:45:18,783 --> 00:45:23,886 It's just the medicine. Trust it. It's just the medicine. 358 00:45:31,262 --> 00:45:33,930 Every time you end the life inside of you, 359 00:45:33,932 --> 00:45:35,965 it will come back stronger. 360 00:46:51,309 --> 00:46:52,875 Sleep 361 00:46:52,877 --> 00:46:54,076 sleep, little bird 362 00:46:55,312 --> 00:46:57,013 when the time comes 363 00:46:57,015 --> 00:46:58,114 do not resist 364 00:46:58,582 --> 00:47:00,917 do not say no 365 00:48:10,187 --> 00:48:12,221 good morning, sleepyhead. 366 00:48:13,957 --> 00:48:15,992 Do you want a bath today? 367 00:48:17,394 --> 00:48:18,394 Yeah. 368 00:48:19,897 --> 00:48:21,097 Okay. 369 00:48:22,466 --> 00:48:26,335 One, two, three, up. 370 00:48:28,472 --> 00:48:30,072 Okay. 371 00:48:41,318 --> 00:48:43,419 You're gonna be such a good mama. 372 00:48:45,088 --> 00:48:46,622 You've been very patient. 373 00:49:03,273 --> 00:49:05,608 I think we need to increase her dose. 374 00:49:05,610 --> 00:49:08,644 No, we can't give her more than three drops. 375 00:49:08,646 --> 00:49:10,579 It's not good for the baby. 376 00:49:13,250 --> 00:49:15,251 Lily, she's fine. 377 00:49:15,253 --> 00:49:16,953 - Morning. - Sister. 378 00:49:19,156 --> 00:49:21,190 Started getting so hot out there. 379 00:49:21,192 --> 00:49:23,025 Yeah, it always heats up in may. 380 00:49:24,494 --> 00:49:27,697 Happy mother's day, mama. We're almost there. 381 00:49:40,243 --> 00:49:43,479 Blood pressure is a little high. 382 00:49:43,481 --> 00:49:44,613 Has anybody tried calling her phone? 383 00:49:45,349 --> 00:49:47,016 No, poor girl. 384 00:49:47,018 --> 00:49:48,751 How's she been this week? 385 00:49:48,753 --> 00:49:52,555 Not so good. I mean, we could use you around here more often. 386 00:49:52,557 --> 00:49:54,323 Well, I can't spend all my time out here, 387 00:49:54,325 --> 00:49:54,323 I'm going back and forth enough as it is. 388 00:49:54,325 --> 00:49:58,260 Well, you don't know what it's like here. It's really hard. 389 00:49:58,262 --> 00:50:00,262 I am here every weekend. I'm going back and forth. 390 00:50:00,264 --> 00:50:01,764 Yeah, well, I think you should stay with her from here on out. 391 00:50:01,766 --> 00:50:03,299 It's the last month. 392 00:50:03,301 --> 00:50:04,767 I can't take a whole month off of work, Lily. 393 00:50:06,070 --> 00:50:07,370 God damn it, you idiot! 394 00:50:07,372 --> 00:50:09,372 Don't yell at her. 395 00:50:09,374 --> 00:50:11,640 No wonder she has high blood pressure, living here with you guys. 396 00:50:11,642 --> 00:50:13,442 She can't hear us anyways. 397 00:50:13,444 --> 00:50:15,578 It's okay. Come on. Come with me. Come on. 398 00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:24,653 Okay. 399 00:50:28,325 --> 00:50:30,326 Classical or contemporary today? 400 00:50:31,328 --> 00:50:33,362 I'm feeling contemporary. 401 00:51:06,497 --> 00:51:08,497 911, what's your emergency? 402 00:51:08,499 --> 00:51:12,368 My name is Kate polson. 403 00:51:14,071 --> 00:51:18,441 I'm... I've been kidnapped. 404 00:51:18,443 --> 00:51:20,776 I can't hear you, miss, can you speak up? 405 00:51:20,778 --> 00:51:22,845 I need help. 406 00:51:22,847 --> 00:51:24,780 Fire, ambulance, or police? 407 00:51:24,782 --> 00:51:27,550 Police, please. Please hurry. 408 00:51:29,119 --> 00:51:30,519 What's the address? 409 00:51:31,555 --> 00:51:34,623 Oh. Um... 410 00:51:34,625 --> 00:51:39,228 It's like, it's a house. Um, ten miles north of the highway. 411 00:51:39,230 --> 00:51:40,696 It's a... ah! 412 00:51:45,168 --> 00:51:46,402 Oh, god! 413 00:51:54,711 --> 00:51:56,178 Be careful. 414 00:51:57,247 --> 00:51:58,481 - Careful! 415 00:52:01,718 --> 00:52:04,487 That was stupid, look what you did! What's happening? 416 00:52:04,489 --> 00:52:06,522 She's going in to labor, that's what's happening. 417 00:52:06,524 --> 00:52:08,457 God. Okay. 418 00:52:08,459 --> 00:52:10,726 Just breathe. Just breathe. 419 00:52:12,562 --> 00:52:14,597 The more you accept it, the easier it will be. 420 00:52:17,135 --> 00:52:19,635 All right, come on, just push. Push for me. 421 00:52:23,173 --> 00:52:24,740 - Good girl. 422 00:52:24,742 --> 00:52:29,378 Push, Kate. Push. Almost there, almost there. 423 00:52:38,155 --> 00:52:40,723 Dearest mother 424 00:52:40,725 --> 00:52:42,391 happy mother's day 425 00:52:42,393 --> 00:52:47,163 written and directed by Sarah adina Smith 426 00:53:20,797 --> 00:53:22,698 probably not. 427 00:53:22,700 --> 00:53:25,467 Yeah, I'm going to be here grading these papers all weekend. 428 00:53:27,504 --> 00:53:29,705 Yeah, I know, it's 52 this year. 429 00:53:54,297 --> 00:53:56,599 Happy father's day 430 00:54:48,785 --> 00:54:50,052 hi, Carol. 431 00:54:51,888 --> 00:54:54,623 It's me. Your daddy. 432 00:54:57,594 --> 00:55:00,729 I'm so sorry. Daddy had to leave you. 433 00:55:02,565 --> 00:55:05,401 I never loved anything more than you. 434 00:55:08,672 --> 00:55:10,539 You were my miracle. 435 00:55:11,708 --> 00:55:14,643 I wanted so badly for you to come with me. 436 00:55:16,546 --> 00:55:18,480 For us to be together. 437 00:55:20,684 --> 00:55:23,319 Your mother and I, 438 00:55:23,321 --> 00:55:25,888 we just didn't see things the same way. 439 00:55:27,857 --> 00:55:32,494 It's so important that you know it wasn't your fault. 440 00:55:33,396 --> 00:55:36,098 And that you know that I am 441 00:55:36,100 --> 00:55:40,803 so, so sorry I wasn't there for you. 442 00:55:48,445 --> 00:55:50,679 If you're hearing this message, 443 00:55:50,681 --> 00:55:53,649 I, I can't imagine the pain 444 00:55:54,484 --> 00:55:57,052 that I've caused you. 445 00:55:57,054 --> 00:56:00,823 But it's not too late for us to be together. 446 00:56:02,792 --> 00:56:06,595 I left this message in trust with good people. 447 00:56:06,597 --> 00:56:09,665 I told them to give this to you when you were old enough, 448 00:56:10,767 --> 00:56:13,469 strong enough. 449 00:56:13,471 --> 00:56:15,971 I didn't want to leave you there all alone. 450 00:56:17,907 --> 00:56:19,742 It wasn't my choice. 451 00:56:21,077 --> 00:56:24,012 So, if you want to see me, 452 00:56:24,647 --> 00:56:26,482 to find me, 453 00:56:26,484 --> 00:56:29,151 continue where we left off, 454 00:56:29,153 --> 00:56:32,621 I can be there for you now. If you're ready. 455 00:56:33,890 --> 00:56:36,658 Just go to where we played that day, 456 00:56:36,660 --> 00:56:38,961 our last day together. 457 00:56:38,963 --> 00:56:42,831 Go there, turn the tape over, 458 00:56:42,833 --> 00:56:45,868 press play and I will guide you. 459 00:56:47,804 --> 00:56:51,173 You will always be my baby, no matter what you choose. 460 00:56:51,175 --> 00:56:54,810 I just hope you'll have it in you to forgive me. 461 00:56:55,979 --> 00:56:59,648 Remember, daddy loves you forever, Carol. 462 00:57:03,954 --> 00:57:08,056 This isn't fair. This isn't fucking fair. 463 00:57:10,127 --> 00:57:12,194 How could you do this to me, mom? 464 00:57:13,596 --> 00:57:17,433 All these years? He was alive? 465 00:57:17,435 --> 00:57:19,034 I missed him so much. 466 00:57:21,504 --> 00:57:23,972 You fucking call me back the minute you get this. 467 00:57:25,108 --> 00:57:26,508 Bitch! 468 00:58:50,593 --> 00:58:53,829 Carol! Come on, baby, it's time to go! 469 00:58:53,831 --> 00:58:53,829 Five more minutes? 470 00:58:53,831 --> 00:58:58,300 Okay, five more minutes, then we have to go. 471 00:58:58,302 --> 00:58:59,701 Okay! 472 00:59:02,171 --> 00:59:04,540 Hello, Carol. 473 00:59:04,542 --> 00:59:08,110 I hope that you've come, and are ready to see me again. 474 00:59:08,112 --> 00:59:11,847 Listen carefully, and I'll help you find me. 475 00:59:11,849 --> 00:59:11,847 I'm ready, daddy. 476 00:59:11,849 --> 00:59:15,951 Yeah, okay, you got your backpack? 477 00:59:15,953 --> 00:59:16,885 Yeah. 478 00:59:19,055 --> 00:59:21,990 Hey, let's go this way today, okay? 479 00:59:21,992 --> 00:59:24,126 Where are we going? 480 00:59:24,128 --> 00:59:26,895 First we're going towards the exit. 481 00:59:26,897 --> 00:59:30,232 Then we are headed south, on revelle Avenue. 482 00:59:30,234 --> 00:59:32,968 South? Where's south? 483 00:59:32,970 --> 00:59:34,803 It's this way. 484 00:59:34,805 --> 00:59:36,939 Come, let's hold hands while crossing. 485 00:59:40,877 --> 00:59:43,245 How come you're carrying that? 486 00:59:43,247 --> 00:59:45,714 I'm making a message for a friend. 487 00:59:46,716 --> 00:59:47,883 Do I know them? 488 00:59:49,052 --> 00:59:50,919 Yes, honey. You know them. 489 00:59:52,755 --> 00:59:54,723 Turn right on third. 490 00:59:54,725 --> 00:59:54,723 Third st revelle ave 491 00:59:54,725 --> 00:59:57,326 what's it say? 492 00:59:57,328 --> 00:59:59,227 Just where to find us. 493 01:00:00,663 --> 01:00:01,597 Why? 494 01:00:02,865 --> 01:00:03,765 Because they need help. 495 01:00:10,206 --> 01:00:12,608 Look at this, dad! 496 01:00:12,610 --> 01:00:14,776 Wow, that's a good looking stick. 497 01:00:14,778 --> 01:00:17,379 It looks like a magic wand. 498 01:00:18,381 --> 01:00:19,982 It does look magic. 499 01:00:27,090 --> 01:00:29,291 - How much further? - We're almost there. 500 01:00:30,727 --> 01:00:34,396 Go left at marmont coming up. 501 01:00:34,398 --> 01:00:37,299 I promise this will all make sense in the end. 502 01:00:39,669 --> 01:00:43,071 Walk to 433 marmont. 503 01:00:45,642 --> 01:00:48,143 You know that I love you very much, right? 504 01:00:49,212 --> 01:00:51,380 I love you too, daddy. 505 01:00:51,382 --> 01:00:54,750 And that I only want what is best for us. 506 01:00:54,752 --> 01:00:57,285 That's why I picked you up today, honey. 507 01:00:57,287 --> 01:01:00,022 Daddy has to go somewhere 508 01:01:00,024 --> 01:01:03,158 and I needed to see you before I left. 509 01:01:03,160 --> 01:01:04,926 Where are you going? 510 01:01:04,928 --> 01:01:08,363 I'm going to a very special place. 511 01:01:08,365 --> 01:01:11,833 But don't worry, you'll come and visit me soon. 512 01:01:11,835 --> 01:01:14,336 Always remember this, Carol, 513 01:01:14,338 --> 01:01:16,938 the person who risks nothing, 514 01:01:16,940 --> 01:01:19,374 has nothing, is nothing, 515 01:01:20,143 --> 01:01:22,310 and becomes nothing. 516 01:01:22,312 --> 01:01:24,346 I don't want you to go. 517 01:01:24,348 --> 01:01:25,380 I know. 518 01:01:26,716 --> 01:01:27,916 But I have to. 519 01:01:29,986 --> 01:01:31,153 We're here. 520 01:01:32,355 --> 01:01:34,222 The front door should be open. 521 01:01:36,793 --> 01:01:40,062 You'll come see me as soon as you're ready. 522 01:01:40,064 --> 01:01:42,364 - I'm ready. - I wish you were. 523 01:01:44,300 --> 01:01:46,201 But I'll miss you. 524 01:01:46,203 --> 01:01:48,470 I'll miss you more than you'll ever know. 525 01:01:51,174 --> 01:01:53,175 Come, we have to go inside. 526 01:01:54,444 --> 01:01:56,344 Here, let daddy carry you. 527 01:02:08,991 --> 01:02:10,926 Why do you have to go? 528 01:02:11,928 --> 01:02:13,829 Be strong for daddy. 529 01:02:16,065 --> 01:02:17,165 We're almost together again. 530 01:02:20,136 --> 01:02:21,203 You are so close now. 531 01:02:23,372 --> 01:02:25,273 What's that picture? 532 01:02:26,442 --> 01:02:28,043 It's called an icon. 533 01:02:28,945 --> 01:02:30,846 It's a symbol of faith. 534 01:02:40,289 --> 01:02:42,491 Okay, honey, will you sit here and wait for daddy? 535 01:02:44,193 --> 01:02:47,395 I have to go talk to that nice lady over there. 536 01:02:47,397 --> 01:02:48,497 You're not going yet, are you? 537 01:02:48,499 --> 01:02:50,031 Not yet. 538 01:02:50,033 --> 01:02:52,968 I just need to talk to the lady. 539 01:02:52,970 --> 01:02:56,104 - Promise? - I promise. 540 01:02:56,106 --> 01:02:56,104 Okay. 541 01:02:56,106 --> 01:03:01,243 Hey, you're such a strong girl, and I am so proud of you. 542 01:03:09,318 --> 01:03:12,087 I'm here for my appointment, to speak with you. 543 01:03:26,903 --> 01:03:28,103 Thank you. 544 01:03:29,372 --> 01:03:31,506 Once I go, 545 01:03:31,508 --> 01:03:34,309 will you make sure that she's taken care of? 546 01:03:37,146 --> 01:03:39,247 Dad! Dad! 547 01:03:40,583 --> 01:03:43,051 Dad! Dad! 548 01:03:43,053 --> 01:03:44,386 I'm sorry. 549 01:03:44,388 --> 01:03:47,122 Daddy! Daddy! 550 01:03:54,130 --> 01:03:56,131 It wasn't my choice, Carol. 551 01:03:57,300 --> 01:03:59,301 You... 552 01:03:59,303 --> 01:04:03,171 You only get once chance to meet him, 553 01:04:03,840 --> 01:04:04,906 to visit this place. 554 01:04:07,443 --> 01:04:09,544 That's why I made this for you, 555 01:04:10,980 --> 01:04:13,381 and I pray that it found you, 556 01:04:15,184 --> 01:04:17,185 so that you may find me. 557 01:04:27,230 --> 01:04:29,164 I'll be so happy to see you again. 558 01:04:33,336 --> 01:04:35,237 It will have been so long. 559 01:04:37,340 --> 01:04:38,273 Dad? 560 01:04:40,244 --> 01:04:42,310 Mom 561 01:04:48,484 --> 01:04:50,252 daddy? 562 01:04:50,254 --> 01:04:51,920 Hello, baby. 563 01:04:53,289 --> 01:04:55,590 I'm here for you. 564 01:04:55,592 --> 01:04:59,060 -I'm so happy that you came. -Dad! 565 01:04:59,062 --> 01:05:01,563 Daddy loves you so much, Carol. 566 01:05:02,498 --> 01:05:05,233 I'm so proud of you. 567 01:05:05,235 --> 01:05:11,172 If you have come, and you have found me, then you are here. 568 01:05:11,174 --> 01:05:13,475 -You're finally here... -Daddy, it's me. 569 01:05:13,477 --> 01:05:15,377 ...in this room, 570 01:05:15,379 --> 01:05:19,214 -of your own free will. -Please, daddy. 571 01:05:19,216 --> 01:05:24,286 Oh, Carol, that means that you, and I, can be together again. 572 01:05:35,364 --> 01:05:36,531 Together. 573 01:06:02,992 --> 01:06:06,394 To my dear father 574 01:06:06,396 --> 01:06:08,129 happy father's day 575 01:06:08,131 --> 01:06:13,068 written and directed by Anthony Scott burns 576 01:06:18,040 --> 01:06:20,408 hi, is this Shelby? 577 01:06:20,410 --> 01:06:22,310 Yeah, you responded to my ad online. 578 01:06:23,012 --> 01:06:25,213 My name's Ian. How are you? 579 01:06:25,982 --> 01:06:27,048 Pussy haver 580 01:06:27,050 --> 01:06:29,050 where are you from, by the way? 581 01:06:29,052 --> 01:06:31,519 Des moines! Oh, fuck. 582 01:06:31,521 --> 01:06:33,722 You probably want to get out of there so badly. 583 01:06:34,724 --> 01:06:37,092 Yeah, so come to la. 584 01:06:37,094 --> 01:06:40,195 No, it's not porn. It's webcam. 585 01:06:40,197 --> 01:06:42,764 It's honestly exactly like facetime. 586 01:06:42,766 --> 01:06:45,200 You probably already do the same shit with your boyfriends. 587 01:06:45,202 --> 01:06:48,536 Except now, you can get paid while you do it. Large. 588 01:06:48,538 --> 01:06:48,536 Discount candy 3 for $1 589 01:06:48,538 --> 01:06:51,740 last week one of the girls made eight grand. 590 01:06:51,742 --> 01:06:53,408 How's it sound to you? 591 01:06:55,077 --> 01:06:58,546 Good? Oh, that's amazing! 592 01:06:58,548 --> 01:07:01,316 That's amazing! I'm super excited about that. 593 01:07:01,318 --> 01:07:01,316 Haver of pussy 594 01:07:01,318 --> 01:07:04,386 okay, so we'll get everything squared away immediately. 595 01:07:04,388 --> 01:07:06,421 Hi, is this Allison? 596 01:07:06,423 --> 01:07:08,490 Yeah, you responded to my ad online. 597 01:07:08,492 --> 01:07:10,792 Yeah, the webcam stuff. 598 01:07:10,794 --> 01:07:13,194 No, no, no, no, it's nothing like porno. 599 01:07:13,196 --> 01:07:15,263 It's nothing like porno at all. 600 01:07:15,265 --> 01:07:18,099 It's on your webcam. It's pretty much facetime. 601 01:07:18,101 --> 01:07:21,770 I mean, you probably already do the same thing with your boyfriends. 602 01:07:21,772 --> 01:07:25,473 Yeah. It includes a free ticket to the heart of Hollywood. 603 01:07:25,475 --> 01:07:27,542 You'll be set up, staying in a beautiful apartment. 604 01:07:28,711 --> 01:07:30,412 What do you tell your parents? 605 01:07:30,414 --> 01:07:32,514 I don't know. Fuck your parents. 606 01:07:34,451 --> 01:07:38,420 Stirring our cauldron of magic are we! 607 01:07:38,422 --> 01:07:42,457 A witch's power is strongest in threes. 608 01:07:44,394 --> 01:07:47,762 Like, what the fuck are these bitches cooking, man? 609 01:07:47,764 --> 01:07:49,764 They're not cooking. 610 01:07:49,766 --> 01:07:52,500 That's a cauldron. They're actually casting spells. 611 01:07:56,372 --> 01:07:58,273 I just had a fucking asshole. 612 01:07:58,275 --> 01:07:59,507 What happened? 613 01:08:02,111 --> 01:08:04,479 He was writing all this shit that he wanted to do to me. 614 01:08:04,481 --> 01:08:04,479 I will cum in ur face bb show me ur asshole 615 01:08:04,481 --> 01:08:07,182 - -and then when he signed off... 616 01:08:08,251 --> 01:08:09,517 Ur a pig u fucking whore 617 01:08:09,519 --> 01:08:10,718 ...he called me a whore! 618 01:08:10,720 --> 01:08:14,522 Aw, serenes. I'm so sorry. 619 01:08:14,524 --> 01:08:17,125 Man, what a fucking fuckhole, man. 620 01:08:17,127 --> 01:08:19,561 You got his credit card number, right? 621 01:08:19,563 --> 01:08:22,163 - So, fuck this asshole, let's go shopping. 622 01:08:23,599 --> 01:08:25,433 I can e-mail you a ticket right away, Allison. 623 01:08:27,403 --> 01:08:29,604 Your boyfriend? Ah, fuck him. 624 01:08:29,606 --> 01:08:31,873 No, you'll be treated like a queen here. I promise. 625 01:08:33,676 --> 01:08:36,111 Okay. Bye now. 626 01:08:40,683 --> 01:08:42,750 The fuck is this? 627 01:08:42,752 --> 01:08:44,285 Nobody's working? 628 01:08:44,287 --> 01:08:45,787 Nobody's calling. 629 01:08:45,789 --> 01:08:47,856 It's Halloween. Everyone's out partying. 630 01:08:47,858 --> 01:08:49,491 Except us. 631 01:08:49,725 --> 01:08:51,459 Aw. That's sad. 632 01:08:51,827 --> 01:08:53,495 Trick or treat, skank. 633 01:09:00,436 --> 01:09:02,670 Did you scrape that shit out yet? 634 01:09:02,672 --> 01:09:04,372 I want to eat my hot pockets. 635 01:09:04,374 --> 01:09:06,641 Can I have one of your hot pockets? 636 01:09:06,643 --> 01:09:08,643 I gave you your dinner. 637 01:09:08,645 --> 01:09:11,579 Fuck your three for a dollar discount shit. 638 01:09:11,581 --> 01:09:13,181 What's wrong with name brand candy, 639 01:09:13,183 --> 01:09:14,482 you ever heard of Hersheys? 640 01:09:15,651 --> 01:09:18,553 Yeah, I heard of hershey. 641 01:09:18,555 --> 01:09:23,525 Hersheys is what my grandmother used to say, is for ladies. 642 01:09:23,527 --> 01:09:27,762 I added this part. Discount stuff is for whores. 643 01:09:27,764 --> 01:09:29,430 Whores! 644 01:09:29,432 --> 01:09:31,332 What is wrong with this girl? 645 01:09:31,334 --> 01:09:35,537 Some cam asshole called her a whore and then signed off. 646 01:09:35,539 --> 01:09:37,739 They're supposed to type dirty shit. 647 01:09:37,741 --> 01:09:39,641 That's why they give us their money. 648 01:09:39,643 --> 01:09:42,510 Okay, well nobody's giving us their money tonight. 649 01:09:42,512 --> 01:09:44,479 Yeah, so why don't you give us the night off 650 01:09:44,481 --> 01:09:47,582 so we can cheer Serena up and celebrate Halloween? 651 01:09:50,953 --> 01:09:52,253 Okay. 652 01:09:54,223 --> 01:09:55,924 Oh no, wait. Wait. 653 01:09:55,926 --> 01:09:57,859 I meant to say, fuck no. 654 01:09:57,861 --> 01:09:59,494 Don't be a dick, Ian. 655 01:09:59,496 --> 01:10:02,330 No, fuck you, Holly. I'm sick of your shit. 656 01:10:02,332 --> 01:10:04,866 I'm sick of all of your shits, okay? 657 01:10:04,868 --> 01:10:07,302 I just got off the phone with two... 658 01:10:07,304 --> 01:10:10,838 Two. Count 'em. Two cam girls. 659 01:10:10,840 --> 01:10:15,310 Oh, yeah. They want to come to Hollywood, and work for me. 660 01:10:15,312 --> 01:10:16,978 So, a.B.C. 661 01:10:16,980 --> 01:10:18,246 Ian's rules 662 01:10:18,248 --> 01:10:19,314 1) Abc - always be caming 663 01:10:19,316 --> 01:10:22,350 always be camming, bitches. 664 01:10:22,352 --> 01:10:24,385 'Cause the next generation's coming, 665 01:10:24,387 --> 01:10:26,321 and they're going to replace you. 666 01:10:26,323 --> 01:10:29,657 Just like you replaced the whores before you. 667 01:10:29,659 --> 01:10:31,259 Stop saying "whores"! 668 01:10:31,261 --> 01:10:32,994 No! I'll say "whores" if I want to say "whores"! 669 01:10:33,862 --> 01:10:35,496 I'll say "whores" if I want. 670 01:10:36,565 --> 01:10:37,966 Now you got me irritated. 671 01:10:41,971 --> 01:10:44,339 And since it's such a slow night, 672 01:10:45,808 --> 01:10:48,409 why don't I put one of you sluts to work? 673 01:10:48,411 --> 01:10:49,611 Hmm, how does that sound? 674 01:10:51,013 --> 01:10:53,014 So who's it going to be? 675 01:10:53,016 --> 01:10:54,582 One of you girls is going to show me your pussy. 676 01:10:58,554 --> 01:10:59,520 No. 677 01:11:00,990 --> 01:11:03,625 We're not girls, Ian. We're women. 678 01:11:03,627 --> 01:11:06,828 I was a girl when I got here, 679 01:11:06,830 --> 01:11:09,530 but after working for you for eight fucking months, 680 01:11:09,532 --> 01:11:12,300 now I'm sad to say, I'm a woman. 681 01:11:12,302 --> 01:11:15,270 I'm the oldest 18-year old woman I know. 682 01:11:15,272 --> 01:11:18,039 All because I made a big mistake in coming here. 683 01:11:18,941 --> 01:11:20,775 But you know what? 684 01:11:20,777 --> 01:11:23,911 The more I think about it, the more I realize 685 01:11:23,913 --> 01:11:27,482 I'm not the only one that made the mistake, Ian. 686 01:11:27,484 --> 01:11:29,817 You made a big mistake. 687 01:11:31,353 --> 01:11:33,421 Wanna know why? 688 01:11:33,423 --> 01:11:36,958 Because you put three women in a room together. 689 01:11:36,960 --> 01:11:39,427 Do you know what three women in a room together 690 01:11:39,429 --> 01:11:40,895 used to be called? 691 01:11:40,897 --> 01:11:42,063 A coven. 692 01:11:42,665 --> 01:11:43,965 You got that? 693 01:11:43,967 --> 01:11:43,965 Witches. 694 01:11:46,969 --> 01:11:50,438 And the power of witches is always strongest in threes. 695 01:11:50,440 --> 01:11:52,607 - You fuck. 696 01:11:53,075 --> 01:11:54,676 Oh. 697 01:11:54,678 --> 01:11:56,311 Witches, now? 698 01:11:56,979 --> 01:11:59,580 Witches. Okay. 699 01:11:59,582 --> 01:12:05,053 Well, which witch is going to ride this broomstick? 700 01:12:08,791 --> 01:12:10,358 Yeah. 701 01:12:11,794 --> 01:12:13,027 -This one. -No. 702 01:12:13,029 --> 01:12:13,961 -Yes. -No! 703 01:12:13,963 --> 01:12:15,363 Yes! 704 01:12:15,365 --> 01:12:17,398 No! I don't wanna! 705 01:12:17,400 --> 01:12:18,833 Well, you're gonna! 706 01:12:45,394 --> 01:12:46,728 Oh. What the fuck? 707 01:12:47,363 --> 01:12:48,696 Ow! 708 01:12:51,967 --> 01:12:53,701 Oh, you fucking bitch. 709 01:12:55,437 --> 01:12:57,872 The fuck is this shit? 710 01:12:58,774 --> 01:12:59,741 Ow! 711 01:13:01,410 --> 01:13:02,910 What the fuck is this? 712 01:13:04,046 --> 01:13:05,813 What the fuck? 713 01:13:07,149 --> 01:13:08,983 What the fuck? 714 01:13:21,397 --> 01:13:22,997 What the fuck. 715 01:13:24,501 --> 01:13:25,666 - What the fuck. 716 01:13:32,074 --> 01:13:34,442 What the fuck. 717 01:13:34,444 --> 01:13:36,778 You feel that, Ian? We stuck a vibrator up your ass. 718 01:13:36,780 --> 01:13:39,013 And super-glued your asshole shut. And hooked the vibrator up 719 01:13:39,015 --> 01:13:40,515 to a car battery. 720 01:13:40,883 --> 01:13:42,083 What the fuck? 721 01:13:44,554 --> 01:13:46,421 Smelly work, but it was worth it! 722 01:13:46,423 --> 01:13:47,955 So we can do this... 723 01:13:56,131 --> 01:13:57,632 Ow. 724 01:13:59,802 --> 01:14:00,768 If you try pull it out again 725 01:14:03,472 --> 01:14:05,440 what the fuck! 726 01:14:05,442 --> 01:14:08,476 We'll crank it up higher. Like this... 727 01:14:12,181 --> 01:14:14,715 Okay! Okay! Okay! 728 01:14:16,452 --> 01:14:17,518 Now... 729 01:14:21,056 --> 01:14:22,457 Ah. 730 01:14:25,127 --> 01:14:26,861 What the fuck do you want? 731 01:14:27,930 --> 01:14:28,796 Show us your pussy. 732 01:14:29,598 --> 01:14:32,133 What? What the fuck! 733 01:14:32,135 --> 01:14:33,201 Show us your pussy now! 734 01:14:38,507 --> 01:14:41,008 Oh, fuck, okay, okay! 735 01:14:44,880 --> 01:14:45,847 Okay! 736 01:14:50,652 --> 01:14:52,119 There! 737 01:14:52,121 --> 01:14:54,622 You made your point, take your fucking pictures! 738 01:14:58,994 --> 01:15:00,962 Show us your pussy, Ian. 739 01:15:03,131 --> 01:15:04,699 What the fuck? 740 01:15:05,534 --> 01:15:07,502 I don't have a pussy! 741 01:15:07,504 --> 01:15:09,637 I don't have a pussy! 742 01:15:09,639 --> 01:15:11,506 So make one. 743 01:15:19,648 --> 01:15:22,783 Are you fucking bitches fucked in the head? 744 01:15:22,785 --> 01:15:24,218 What the fuck is wrong with you? 745 01:15:24,220 --> 01:15:26,888 This is fucking insane! 746 01:15:26,890 --> 01:15:28,256 Do it bb. Show us your pussy 747 01:15:32,995 --> 01:15:33,895 or we turn it up! You've been at a 1. 748 01:15:33,897 --> 01:15:35,663 This is a 2. 749 01:15:36,899 --> 01:15:39,767 Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! 750 01:15:40,969 --> 01:15:42,103 Fuck you! 751 01:15:48,176 --> 01:15:50,711 Okay, Ian - that was just a 2. Of a possible 10. 752 01:15:51,813 --> 01:15:54,849 So, y'know... 753 01:15:54,851 --> 01:15:56,617 Show us your pussy, Ian. 754 01:15:56,619 --> 01:15:58,085 Please don't make me do this. Please. 755 01:15:59,054 --> 01:15:59,053 Use the knife. 756 01:15:59,055 --> 01:16:01,689 I'll pay you. I'll fucking pay you, please! 757 01:16:07,563 --> 01:16:10,698 Oh, fuck, okay, okay! 758 01:16:10,700 --> 01:16:11,866 Then show us your pussy!!! 759 01:16:13,101 --> 01:16:14,335 Okay. 760 01:16:15,571 --> 01:16:17,838 Do it or die, Ian. 761 01:16:17,840 --> 01:16:20,675 What the fuck. What the fuck. 762 01:16:22,678 --> 01:16:25,179 This is fucked up. This is fucked! 763 01:16:31,086 --> 01:16:33,754 Goooooooooooooooooooood!!! 764 01:16:33,756 --> 01:16:35,723 Now.... 765 01:16:37,259 --> 01:16:40,361 Make it hollow, Ian. 766 01:16:41,730 --> 01:16:42,897 Fuck you. 767 01:16:43,632 --> 01:16:44,966 Lol 768 01:16:54,209 --> 01:16:56,644 fuck you! Fuck you, bitches! 769 01:16:57,112 --> 01:16:57,979 Lol 770 01:17:05,020 --> 01:17:07,088 what the fuck are you crying about? 771 01:17:07,090 --> 01:17:08,689 Look at all that blood. 772 01:17:08,691 --> 01:17:09,991 This is getting boring. 773 01:17:09,993 --> 01:17:12,393 What happens if we turn this shit up to ten? 774 01:17:15,197 --> 01:17:17,131 --That. 775 01:17:23,972 --> 01:17:26,273 Hi. Is Ian here? 776 01:17:26,275 --> 01:17:27,942 He flew me out from Maine to work. 777 01:17:29,645 --> 01:17:30,911 Uh, I'm Nancy. 778 01:17:34,650 --> 01:17:37,785 Uh. Hello, Nancy. Welcome. 779 01:17:37,787 --> 01:17:42,390 Uh, you're joining us during a period of transition for the company. 780 01:17:42,392 --> 01:17:44,759 As of today, we're actually under new management. 781 01:17:45,894 --> 01:17:49,163 Oh. Well, what happened to Ian? 782 01:17:49,165 --> 01:17:54,969 Unfortunately, Ian is no longer with the company, due to, uh, cutbacks. 783 01:17:59,875 --> 01:18:01,876 Halloween wishes 784 01:18:01,878 --> 01:18:03,878 happy Halloween 785 01:18:03,880 --> 01:18:08,983 written and directed by Kevin Smith 786 01:18:11,286 --> 01:18:12,453 uvu 787 01:18:14,123 --> 01:18:18,325 your imagination come to life! 788 01:18:19,895 --> 01:18:24,065 Uvu shows you you! 789 01:18:29,371 --> 01:18:31,005 - Here you go. - Thank you. 790 01:18:31,007 --> 01:18:32,473 Your kids are going to love that. 791 01:18:32,475 --> 01:18:34,208 Yes, the kids are definitely going to love it. 792 01:18:34,210 --> 01:18:37,378 Yes, wait 'til you put it on your head. 793 01:18:37,380 --> 01:18:39,213 Well, I'll leave that... I'll leave that to the kids. 794 01:18:39,215 --> 01:18:41,182 All right. Hope they enjoy. 795 01:18:41,184 --> 01:18:42,083 -Yup, thank you. -Merry Christmas. 796 01:18:42,085 --> 01:18:44,151 Merry Christmas. Goodnight. 797 01:18:44,153 --> 01:18:46,287 -Hi. -Oh, I'm sorry, we're closed. 798 01:18:46,289 --> 01:18:47,988 Oh, no, no, no, I called. About the uvu. 799 01:18:48,890 --> 01:18:50,491 That guy got the last one. 800 01:18:50,493 --> 01:18:52,093 What? No. I called. 801 01:18:52,095 --> 01:18:54,295 I'm Pete gunderson. I said I was coming. 802 01:18:54,297 --> 01:18:54,295 First come, first served. 803 01:18:54,297 --> 01:18:57,832 -But you... -Sorry, pal. Holidays are hell. 804 01:19:02,170 --> 01:19:03,104 Fuck. 805 01:19:04,406 --> 01:19:06,273 Yeah, honey. Got the last one. 806 01:19:06,275 --> 01:19:07,942 -Okay, I'll be home in 15. -Excuse me. 807 01:19:07,944 --> 01:19:10,277 -I love you. Bye. -Excuse me, sir? Hi. 808 01:19:10,279 --> 01:19:12,446 Um, look, I'll, I'll... 809 01:19:12,448 --> 01:19:14,248 I'll give you $300 for it. 810 01:19:14,250 --> 01:19:16,484 Yeah, not a chance, pal. Try ebay. 811 01:19:16,486 --> 01:19:16,484 Wait, wait, wait! Please, please. 812 01:19:16,486 --> 01:19:21,922 I'll, I'll, I'll give you, I'll give you 500. 813 01:19:21,924 --> 01:19:23,991 Please, it's Christmas Eve. I'm out of time. 814 01:19:23,993 --> 01:19:25,459 Yeah well, listen, if it was really that important, 815 01:19:25,461 --> 01:19:26,827 you would have gotten here earlier. 816 01:19:26,829 --> 01:19:27,895 Merry Christmas. 817 01:19:29,431 --> 01:19:30,765 Fuck! Oh, fuck! 818 01:19:35,403 --> 01:19:37,071 Sara did you get it??? 819 01:19:48,283 --> 01:19:50,050 Oh, my god. 820 01:19:50,052 --> 01:19:51,418 Oh, my god, um... 821 01:19:54,256 --> 01:19:56,157 I'll call... 822 01:19:57,226 --> 01:19:58,259 Sara please tell me you got it??? 823 01:20:18,013 --> 01:20:19,079 Sorry. 824 01:20:24,553 --> 01:20:28,155 I finally had it, and I told ed he was full of shit. 825 01:20:28,157 --> 01:20:31,926 I mean, I deserve that Christmas bonus a hell of a lot more 826 01:20:31,928 --> 01:20:34,962 than that do-nothing, kiss-ass nephew of his. 827 01:20:34,964 --> 01:20:36,597 I swear I could kill him. Scrooge. 828 01:20:37,899 --> 01:20:39,099 What? 829 01:20:40,302 --> 01:20:42,236 Have you not been listening to me? 830 01:20:42,238 --> 01:20:45,539 Ed didn't give me the Christmas bonus that we were counting on. 831 01:20:45,541 --> 01:20:48,042 And with you making less money now... 832 01:20:48,044 --> 01:20:50,177 God. I'm at the end of my rope. 833 01:20:52,113 --> 01:20:53,948 How much was this thing anyway? 834 01:20:53,950 --> 01:20:55,549 I hope you didn't overspend. 835 01:21:15,570 --> 01:21:17,037 Stop. 836 01:21:17,039 --> 01:21:18,539 - Come on. 837 01:21:19,641 --> 01:21:21,008 No. 838 01:21:35,156 --> 01:21:37,324 I still can't believe you got it, dad! 839 01:21:39,261 --> 01:21:41,061 So, you, uh, you just watch stuff on them? 840 01:21:41,063 --> 01:21:43,297 Yeah, it aggregates your online identity 841 01:21:43,299 --> 01:21:44,632 to figure out what to show you. 842 01:21:49,404 --> 01:21:51,171 Congratulations, captain! 843 01:21:51,173 --> 01:21:53,340 You're the first person to walk on Mars. 844 01:21:53,342 --> 01:21:54,975 You've got to try it, dad. 845 01:21:57,245 --> 01:21:57,244 Am I going to see what you saw? 846 01:21:57,246 --> 01:22:00,314 No, it's different for everyone. 847 01:22:04,219 --> 01:22:05,319 - Thank you, daddy. 848 01:22:05,321 --> 01:22:07,021 Thank you, daddy. 849 01:22:07,023 --> 01:22:08,956 It's totally cool, right? 850 01:22:09,991 --> 01:22:12,359 Right. Yeah. Totally. 851 01:22:12,994 --> 01:22:14,395 Wow. 852 01:22:15,230 --> 01:22:16,630 Um, is this the off button? 853 01:22:53,101 --> 01:22:55,602 Please don't punish me, daddy. 854 01:22:55,604 --> 01:22:58,605 I promise i won't be naughty anymore. 855 01:23:14,322 --> 01:23:16,390 Oh, god. Oh, my god. 856 01:23:16,392 --> 01:23:18,325 Um, I'll call. I'll call. I'll call. 857 01:23:22,364 --> 01:23:23,263 Sorry. 858 01:23:25,066 --> 01:23:26,400 What the fuck? 859 01:23:32,574 --> 01:23:32,573 Heart attack, huh? 860 01:23:32,575 --> 01:23:38,112 Yeah. Probably would have made it too, if he got help in time. 861 01:23:38,114 --> 01:23:40,581 Hell of a Christmas gift for his family. 862 01:23:40,583 --> 01:23:42,316 Fucking Christmas. 863 01:23:42,751 --> 01:23:44,718 I hear ya, bro. 864 01:23:44,720 --> 01:23:46,620 --Okay. Bag him up. 865 01:23:46,622 --> 01:23:48,022 We need the fridge space. 866 01:23:50,625 --> 01:23:50,624 Happy holidays! 867 01:23:50,626 --> 01:23:54,661 Hi! Um, it says on your website that um, uh... 868 01:23:54,663 --> 01:23:58,098 Less than one percent of users may experience an, uh, 869 01:23:58,100 --> 01:24:00,067 adverse reaction when using the device? 870 01:24:00,069 --> 01:24:01,769 And I was just, just wondering, 871 01:24:01,771 --> 01:24:07,808 what type of adverse reactions are users experiencing exactly? 872 01:24:07,810 --> 01:24:10,044 Are you having trouble with your device, sir? 873 01:24:12,280 --> 01:24:15,315 Uh, troub... no... 874 01:24:15,317 --> 01:24:18,819 No. I'm not, no... Just wondering. 875 01:24:18,821 --> 01:24:18,819 Well, if you'd like to give me your name and login, 876 01:24:18,821 --> 01:24:24,792 I can check your video feed to see if there's anything abnormal going on. 877 01:24:24,794 --> 01:24:27,161 Uh, you can do that? 878 01:24:27,163 --> 01:24:29,063 That's, no, that's fine. I don't need that. That's not necessary. 879 01:24:29,065 --> 01:24:30,330 Thank you, very much. 880 01:24:42,677 --> 01:24:44,144 Sara? 881 01:24:44,679 --> 01:24:46,346 Where's Bobby? 882 01:24:46,348 --> 01:24:48,215 I sent him to stay with a friend. 883 01:24:49,551 --> 01:24:51,485 You forgot to log out, Pete. 884 01:24:55,857 --> 01:25:00,127 I don't know what that showed you, but... 885 01:25:00,129 --> 01:25:01,195 Everything. 886 01:25:02,097 --> 01:25:03,630 I saw everything. 887 01:25:05,500 --> 01:25:07,434 I just want to know one thing. 888 01:25:08,470 --> 01:25:09,369 Why'd you do it? 889 01:25:15,210 --> 01:25:17,578 Because he had what I wanted, 890 01:25:21,416 --> 01:25:24,251 and I was tired of being nice. 891 01:25:26,821 --> 01:25:28,122 Oh, Pete. 892 01:25:29,624 --> 01:25:32,226 That is the hottest thing you have ever said. 893 01:26:14,836 --> 01:26:17,538 Hey! Everyone's gone. I'm going to go ahead and lock up. 894 01:26:25,513 --> 01:26:28,682 And I made this, just the way you like it. 895 01:26:33,354 --> 01:26:36,290 Oh, ed. You don't look so good. 896 01:26:38,827 --> 01:26:40,427 I hope you aren't afraid of the dark, ed. 897 01:26:41,830 --> 01:26:43,964 Should've given me that bonus, ed. 898 01:26:53,908 --> 01:26:54,975 Mmm. 899 01:26:58,479 --> 01:27:00,314 This is what happens to scrooges like you. 900 01:27:04,285 --> 01:27:05,819 Ain't the holidays hell? 901 01:27:19,901 --> 01:27:22,502 Uvu uvu shows you you! 902 01:27:22,504 --> 01:27:23,804 Pete, you awake? 903 01:27:28,576 --> 01:27:31,478 Remember he is watching 904 01:27:31,480 --> 01:27:32,879 merry Christmas 905 01:27:32,881 --> 01:27:37,918 written and directed by Scott Stewart 906 01:27:42,023 --> 01:27:43,457 sweet memories 907 01:27:44,893 --> 01:27:49,563 choo-choo chose me! 908 01:27:49,565 --> 01:27:49,563 My bunny 909 01:27:49,565 --> 01:27:52,566 I didn't want to have to do this. 910 01:27:52,568 --> 01:27:54,468 You know, i kept pushing it off. 911 01:27:56,437 --> 01:27:57,504 Trick or treat 912 01:27:57,506 --> 01:28:00,340 I didn't want to ruin another holiday. 913 01:28:00,809 --> 01:28:04,611 I wanted to pretend like everything was okay. 914 01:28:05,613 --> 01:28:06,680 Merry merry! 915 01:28:06,682 --> 01:28:07,981 But you... 916 01:28:07,983 --> 01:28:09,316 You. 917 01:28:12,420 --> 01:28:13,787 I mean I thought that when you... 918 01:28:15,923 --> 01:28:17,591 When you got to know me... 919 01:28:17,593 --> 01:28:21,695 You know, when you saw the real me, that you'd... 920 01:28:24,866 --> 01:28:26,633 Ah, never mind. 921 01:28:28,369 --> 01:28:30,737 Tonight at midnight, 922 01:28:30,739 --> 01:28:34,041 I want to kiss someone who makes me feel 923 01:28:34,043 --> 01:28:35,809 like I can take the tape off their lips. 924 01:28:43,618 --> 01:28:44,851 God damn it. 925 01:29:00,102 --> 01:29:02,703 Sorry about that. Let me try that again. 926 01:29:07,742 --> 01:29:09,343 Jesus Christ. 927 01:29:18,686 --> 01:29:20,487 Mandy. Mandy. 928 01:29:20,922 --> 01:29:21,788 Hey. 929 01:29:51,419 --> 01:29:53,920 Reggief 930 01:29:57,592 --> 01:29:59,092 can't be worse than the last one. 931 01:30:08,870 --> 01:30:10,837 How is it? 932 01:30:10,839 --> 01:30:12,739 They're great. They're the best chicken fingers. 933 01:30:12,741 --> 01:30:15,108 They, they bread them with frosted flakes. 934 01:30:16,878 --> 01:30:19,546 My mom didn't let me eat sugary cereal. 935 01:30:19,548 --> 01:30:21,882 You know, rots your teeth. 936 01:30:21,884 --> 01:30:22,783 My teeth aren't rotten. 937 01:30:24,152 --> 01:30:26,019 You, you must brush a lot. 938 01:30:26,021 --> 01:30:29,423 -Do you brush a lot? -I don't know. I guess so. 939 01:30:30,625 --> 01:30:31,725 Let me see 'em. 940 01:30:32,059 --> 01:30:33,794 What? 941 01:30:33,796 --> 01:30:35,429 Let me see those pearly whites. 942 01:30:35,930 --> 01:30:37,964 I bet they sparkle. 943 01:30:37,966 --> 01:30:40,600 - Let me see those choppers, come on. 944 01:30:41,736 --> 01:30:43,603 Yeah. I knew it. 945 01:30:45,206 --> 01:30:46,840 You have great teeth. 946 01:30:52,914 --> 01:30:54,581 That was... that was... 947 01:30:54,583 --> 01:30:56,149 I'm sorry. 948 01:30:56,151 --> 01:30:57,551 I'm sorry. 949 01:30:57,553 --> 01:30:59,619 That was, um, it's just the nerves. 950 01:31:00,922 --> 01:31:02,622 That's the problem with these first dates, you know. 951 01:31:02,624 --> 01:31:04,624 If people got to know the real me, 952 01:31:04,626 --> 01:31:05,859 you know, they would love me. 953 01:31:05,861 --> 01:31:07,828 But, you know, they never get to meet me. 954 01:31:07,830 --> 01:31:10,063 You know, because it's just... 955 01:31:10,065 --> 01:31:12,899 Because the, the nerve monster just rears its ugly head. 956 01:31:15,903 --> 01:31:17,604 Most guys I date online just want to hook up. 957 01:31:18,039 --> 01:31:19,105 One and done. 958 01:31:20,708 --> 01:31:22,809 They act like I'm crazy for wanting something more lasting. 959 01:31:23,811 --> 01:31:23,810 Right? 960 01:31:23,812 --> 01:31:28,482 You know people say that those dating websites are bullshit 961 01:31:28,484 --> 01:31:31,218 but I mean, 96 percent? 962 01:31:31,220 --> 01:31:34,754 I mean, like, that's an all-time high for me. 963 01:31:34,756 --> 01:31:37,023 I mean my last girlfriend was like an 84 percent and, you know, 964 01:31:37,025 --> 01:31:39,826 yeah, no surprise that didn't, that didn't turn out. 965 01:31:40,728 --> 01:31:42,796 Mmm. What happened? 966 01:31:42,798 --> 01:31:44,664 She, um... I had to... 967 01:31:46,634 --> 01:31:47,767 I had to end it. 968 01:31:49,637 --> 01:31:50,904 Tsk. It was for the best. 969 01:31:52,173 --> 01:31:53,507 Mmm. 970 01:31:56,210 --> 01:31:57,711 Sorry. 971 01:31:57,713 --> 01:32:00,514 You are so much hotter than she was. 972 01:32:03,150 --> 01:32:05,151 I mean, uh... uh... 973 01:32:05,153 --> 01:32:07,053 Prettier. 974 01:32:07,055 --> 01:32:08,622 Should we get the check? 975 01:32:31,212 --> 01:32:33,079 I'm sorry. 976 01:32:33,081 --> 01:32:35,248 -For what? -For calling you hot. 977 01:32:36,584 --> 01:32:37,884 Why would you apologize for that? 978 01:32:37,886 --> 01:32:39,886 Because it made me sound all pervy. 979 01:32:39,888 --> 01:32:42,589 Like I was trying to hook up with you. 980 01:32:42,591 --> 01:32:44,291 You know. 981 01:32:44,293 --> 01:32:45,859 And I know you don't like that on a first date. 982 01:32:50,097 --> 01:32:51,765 It's new year's Eve. 983 01:32:51,767 --> 01:32:53,600 I'd have to be the most unromantic gal in the world 984 01:32:53,602 --> 01:32:56,002 to want to go home to a lonely apartment. 985 01:32:59,206 --> 01:33:00,574 Yup. 986 01:33:04,579 --> 01:33:06,046 Do you want to go back to my place and watch the ball drop? 987 01:33:23,631 --> 01:33:25,365 -Can I take your jacket? -Yeah. 988 01:33:37,078 --> 01:33:39,112 Uh, whoa. Whoa! 989 01:33:39,114 --> 01:33:40,814 Should I not? 990 01:33:40,816 --> 01:33:42,882 Uh, no. It's just. Uh... I need to use the restroom. 991 01:33:42,884 --> 01:33:44,918 You know, I just... I want to freshen up. 992 01:33:44,920 --> 01:33:48,154 Okay. Great idea. Down the hall to the right. 993 01:35:00,895 --> 01:35:02,028 Ryan - Kyle 994 01:35:02,897 --> 01:35:04,698 Peter - John - Reggie 995 01:35:06,067 --> 01:35:08,401 uh! No, no, no, no, no. 996 01:36:12,800 --> 01:36:13,767 Ten! 997 01:36:17,372 --> 01:36:18,304 Nine! 998 01:36:21,176 --> 01:36:22,475 Eight! 999 01:36:24,912 --> 01:36:26,012 Seven! 1000 01:36:27,915 --> 01:36:29,282 Six! 1001 01:36:31,085 --> 01:36:32,085 Five! 1002 01:36:33,988 --> 01:36:35,455 Four! 1003 01:36:36,792 --> 01:36:38,091 Three! 1004 01:36:39,460 --> 01:36:40,827 Two! 1005 01:36:44,132 --> 01:36:44,998 Live from Times Square new year's celebration 1006 01:36:45,000 --> 01:36:46,099 one! 1007 01:36:47,535 --> 01:36:48,835 Happy new year! 1008 01:36:48,837 --> 01:36:49,903 Happy new year 1009 01:36:52,808 --> 01:36:54,274 feliz ano nuevo, carino. 1010 01:37:15,863 --> 01:37:18,097 A happy new year to you all 1011 01:37:18,099 --> 01:37:19,833 happy new year's 1012 01:37:19,835 --> 01:37:22,402 directed by Adam Egypt Mortimer 1013 01:37:22,404 --> 01:37:24,304 written by Kevin kolsch & Dennis widmyer