[WIND WHISTLING]
[MAN'S VOICE] "WE ARE NOW ABOUT TO PENETRATE
A COUNTRY
ON WHICH THE FOOT OF CIVILIZED MAN
HAS NEVER TROD.
THE GOOD OR EVIL IT HAS IN STORE FOR US
HAS YET TO BE DETERMINED.
WE CARRY EVERY ARTICLE BY WHICH WE ARE TO SURVIVE.
THE PARTY ARE IN EXCELLENT HEALTH AND SPIRITS."
[PANTING]
"ZEALOUSLY ATTACHED TO THE ENTERPRISE
AND ANXIOUS TO PROCEED."
[GRUNTING]
"ENTERTAINING, AS I DO, THE MOST CONFIDENT HOPES
I COULD BUT ESTEEM THIS MOMENT OF OUR DEPARTURE"...
[ROARS]
..."AS AMONG THE MOST HAPPY OF MY LIFE."
-[GROWLING] -[MAN SCREAMING]
FROM THE JOURNALS OF LEWIS AND CLARK, 1805.
SO, DAVID ZARA FOR WILLIAM CLARK.
AND CAN YOU TELL US HOW TALL YOU ARE?
UH, AS I CAN PLAY ANY HEIGHT.
THAT'S HOW GOOD I AM.
[MAN] YOU KNOW, DAVID, I GOTTA SAY,
WE'RE BOTH HUGE "LITTLE GENIUS" FANS.
[MAN #2] AH, MAN, HUGE. WE LOVE IT, LOVE IT.
COOL, GUYS. YES, THANK YOU.
IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO, BUT, YOU KNOW.
HOW DID IT GO, IT WAS LIKE, HE'S A...
[TOGETHER] ¶ LITTLE GENIUS. ¶
-[BOTH LAUGH] -OH, WOW, WAIT. AND THE CATCHPHRASE--
-"DOES NOT COMPUTE." -OH, YEAH, YEAH.
-"THAT DOES NOT COMPUTE." -[LAUGHS] OKAY.
NO, THAT WAS THE, UM, THE ROBOT-- "LITTLE GENIUS"
-WHO SAID THAT. -OH.
BUT I WAS LIKE THE STRAIGHT MAN, LIKE, "AWE."
YOU KNOW?
UM, I DON'T REMEMBER THAT.
HEY, WELL, SHOULD WE GET STARTED?
SURELY.
[SIGHS] PACIFIC. PACIFIC.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[GRUNTING]
MERIWETHER?
MERIWETHER, STOP PADDLING. YON.
IT'S THE PACIFIC!
IT'S THE PACIFIC AT LAST!
[WHIRRING]
[BUZZING]
[DAVID'S VOICE] HI, THIS IS DAVID.
I CAN'T COME TO THE PHONE RIGHT NOW
BECAUSE I AM ON MY HONEYMOON.
CALL YOU IN A WEEK WHEN I GET BACK.
-[BEEP] -HI DAVID, IT'S FLULA,
YOUR BFF FOREVER.
I HOPE YOU'RE DOING OKAY.
I KNOW PROBABLY THE ANSWER IS "NOT OKAY,"
BUT DON'T WORRY.
YOUR BEST MAN IS COMING TO CHEER YOU UP.
GET READY FOR A NICE GASSY BALL.
IT WILL MAKE SENSE IN JUST SOME SECONDS.
BYE-BYE.
[WHIRRING]
[WHIRRING STOPS]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
[GASPS] GOOD MORNING, DAVID.
HEY.
OKAY. [CLEARING THROAT]
LOOK WHO'S HERE TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY.
NO?
THESE RAYS HAVE NO EFFECT?
HERE, HAVE A BOTTLE.
OOH, ROSÉ. I LIKE IT.
FRANKIE CANCELS THE WEDDING.
SHE TAKES ALL OF THE FURNITURE,
BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE,
I HAVE A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF ROSÉ.
THINGS ARE LOOKING UP.
-WHAT'RE YOU WEARING? -WHAT AM I WEARING?
DAVID, WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?
YOU LOOK LIKE KANGAROO.
YOU KNOW MARSUPIALS
ACTUALLY TRAVEL IN PAIRS, THOUGH.
[DAVID NARRATING] "FROM THE PEN OF WILLIAM CLARK.
EVERY GREAT JOURNEY, LIKE A GIANT REDWOOD
BEGINS, INITIALLY, AS A SMALL SEED.
ON THE DAY MY OLD FRIEND, MERIWETHER LEWIS CAME TO VISIT,
I WAS ENTIRELY UNAWARE THAT HE HAD COME
TO PLANT THIS VERY SEED
INTO MY LIFE."
DAVID, WE NEED TO GET YOU OUTSIDE.
YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR LIKE, WHAT, A WEEK?
YOU NEED SOME SUN ON YOUR FACE
AND YOUR BODY, YOUR LEGS, TORSO.
WE WERE GONNA START OUR HONEYMOON TODAY.
ONE WEEK HIKE WOULD'VE BEEN VERY ROMANTIC.
IT'S TOO LATE TO RETURN ALL THIS GEAR.
-DID YOU CANCEL IT? -NO.
YOU'RE OUTSIDE, ARE YOU LIKE JUST IN THE FOREST
AND NATURE WITH SOMEONE YOU LIKE AND CARE ABOUT?
YEAH, IT JUST WOULD'VE BEEN
ME AND FRANKIE OUT THERE.
BUT FRANKIE'S NOT AVAILABLE.
YEAH, I'M AWARE OF THAT, FLULA.
-THANK YOU. -NO, I'M JUST SAYING,
SOUNDS LIKE A TRIP THAT IS NOT CANCELLED
AND THAT IT WOULD BE NICE TO MAYBE HAVE COMPANIONSHIP
ON THIS WONDERFUL JOURNEY.
MM. IT WOULD'VE BEEN.
DAVID.
WHAT DID RUDY DO
WHEN HE COULD NOT MAKE THE SACK?
"RUDY," THE FOOTBALL MOVIE?
EXACTLY. "RUDY." YOU ARE RUDY.
AND THESE OPPONENTS, THE ENEMY TEAM, AND THE PEOPLE.
THIS IS LIKE FRANKIE AND THE WEDDING CANCEL
AND ALL THE SAD TIMES IN YOUR LIFE.
YOU ARE THERE ON THE FIELD AND YOU'RE LIKE,
"WHAT THE-- HELP! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A SACK, PERHAPS."
NOBODY CAN SEE YOU. YOU ARE TINY.
BUT DO NOT WORRY, DAVID-- I MEAN, RUDY,
YOU HAVE FRIENDS.
YOU HAVE THE OTHER PLAYERS ON THE TEAM,
THE TALL BOYFRIENDS WITH THE JERSEYS AND NUMBERS.
THIS IS ME.
AND THE CROWD WHO CHEER FOR YOU?
RUDY! RUDY!
RUDY! THIS IS ME, ALSO.
AND I'M THE GRASSES AND THE SKY.
I'M-- I'M ALL OF THESE THINGS, DAVID. I'M HELPING YOU OUT.
YOU'LL WIN THE CHAMPIONSHIP.
AND I WILL HELP YOU, RUDY.
LET'S DO IT.
YEAH, SO, WAIT. YOU WANT-- WHAT'RE YOU SAYING?
WE ARE GOING TO GO ON YOUR HONEYMOON TOGETHER.
-NO, NO. -NO, THIS IS GREAT, DAVID.
-AWFUL. -NO, WE'RE DOING THIS.
RUDY! RUDY! RUDY!
[WEAKLY] RUDY.
[TOGETHER] RUDY. RUDY. RUDY.
-WHAT? -RUDY.
-RUDY.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[FLULA] OKAY, DAVID. SO THIS IS MY FIRST HONEYMOON.
TELL ME, WHAT WILL WE DO?
[DAVID] WELL, IT'S GONNA BE
SEVEN DAYS, SEVEN NIGHTS,
HIKE THROUGH THE WILDERNESS,
GORGEOUS VISTAS, RUGGED OVERLOOKS.
[FLULA] THAT SOUNDS AMAZING, DAVID.
[DAVID] AND ON THE LAST DAY, THERE'S A SPECIAL TREAT.
ONE NIGHT IN THE BIG PINEY
WILDERNESS LODGE.
OOH, SOUNDS VERY ROMANTIC.
YEAH, THAT'S...
KINDA THE WEIRD THING ABOUT THIS.
HOW MANY BEDS?
[DAVID] ONE BED.
BUT I'M SURE THEY WILL BRING A COT IN OR SOMETHING.
UH! GOT YOU!
OKAY, SO WE WILL "COT" THE BED IN HALF
-TO MAKE TWO BEDS? -NO-- GOD, NO, NO!
A COT IS LIKE A SMALLER BED
THAT THEY CAN LEND US IN ADDITION TO THE ONE BED.
SO WE'LL HAVE THREE BEDS?
FAIR ENOUGH.
¶ WON'T YOU COME BACK HERE AGAIN? ¶
¶ I'M THE COUNTRY GENTLEMEN ¶
¶ DON'T COUNT YOUR BATTLES JUST FAMILY AND FRIENDS ¶
¶ I'M THE COUNTRY GENTLEMEN ¶
[FLULA] DAVID, I'VE HEARD THERE ARE MAGICAL CREATURES
-IN THIS FOREST? -NO, THERE ARE NOT.
YEAH, LIKE YETIS AND LEPRECHAUNS, WEREWOLVES.
THE SASQUATCH.
[DAVID] OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU RIGHT NOW THAT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'VE SEEN PHOTOS OF SASQUATCH.
WELL, I'VE SEEN PHOTOS OF GODZILLA.
HAVE YOU SEEN "DIE HARD 2"?
I HAVE NOT SEEN "DIE HARD 2."
SO MAYBE THE FILM DOESN'T EXIST.
YEAH.
¶ WHEN A FRIEND AND ANOTHER FRIEND ¶
¶ ARE GOING THROUGH THE FOREST¶
¶ FOR SOME ADVENTURING TIMES ¶
¶ WHAT WILL THEY SEE? ¶
-¶ NOBODY KNOWS ¶ -[PHONE BUZZING]
-WAIT, WAIT. -¶ THEY WILL JUST GO-- ¶
SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH. HELLO?
SHUT UP. YOU'RE KIDDING ME.
YOU KNOW, I WILL HAVE MY PHONE ON ME ALL WEEK.
I'M REACHABLE. OKAY, BYE.
WOO HOO HOO! THAT WAS MY AGENT.
-YEAH? -OKAY, I WENT IN
FOR THIS LEWIS AND CLARK BIO PIC FOR WILLIAM CLARK.
THEY REALLY LIKE ME, AND I'M GONNA FIND OUT
-IN THE NEXT COUPLE OF DAYS. -OH, DAVID, I'M SO HAPPY.
YOU-- YOU THINK I'LL GET RECEPTION, RIGHT?
-OH, IN THE FOREST? -YEAH.
N-NO. NO, NO.
WE'RE IN THE BOONIE-DOCKS RIGHT NOW.
-YOU READY? -YEAH.
I ENTERED US IN THE REGISTRY, DAVID.
THIS WAY, IF A SASQUATCH OR SOMETHING EATS US,
OUR PARENTS WILL FIND OUR LIMBS OKAY.
[DAVID CLEARS THROAT] THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
-HAHA! LET'S DO THIS! -[FLULA] OH, YEAH.
BOUND IT, DAVID. BOUND IT.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[DAVID] HO-HOO!
-ARE YOU LOOKING AT THIS, FLULA? -I SEE IT, DAVID.
-WHAT DID I TELL YOU? -I LOVE IT.
EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED.
THIS IS MY THERAPY. MY ANTIDEPRESSANT.
[FLULA] SUCK IT IN, DAVID, SUCK IT IN.
[DAVID] WHAT DOES IT BRING TO MIND FOR YOU?
IT'S LIKE HEAVEN, BUT WITH REAL TREES.
[DAVID] THIS IS THE GREATEST THING.
[DAVID NARRATING] "THE WOODED COUNTRY,
THROUGH WHICH WE NOW PASS
IS THE MOST RUGGED AND MOST BEAUTIFUL
I HAVE EVER SEEN.
BUT THIS BEAUTY BELIES SURELY BELIES SOME UNKNOWN DANGER.
I AM NO COWARD, BUT I FEAR
THAT NOT ALL WILL MAKE IT ACROSS THE CONTINENT.
BUT FOR NOW, ALL ARE IN GOOD SPIRITS.
NOT A WHISPER OF DISCONTENT CAN BE HEARD AMONG THE MEN.
WE ACT IN UNISON
WITH THE MOST PERFECT HARMONY."
[DAVID GROANS]
[EXHALES] OKAY.
[FLULA] DAVID, CAN WE INCREASE OUR PACE A BIT?
[DAVID] OH, GOD.
[SIGHS]
HEY, DAVID, WE'RE SLOWING DOWN.
-[GROANS] -MOVE THOSE TINY LEGS.
GOOD GOD.
WHOA. WHAT'S THE ALTITUDE HERE?
[PANTING]
WOW, THESE, UH--
THESE PACKS ARE HEAVY, HUH?
-NO, NOT REALLY. -PRETTY LIGHT.
-ARE YOU OKAY? -YEAH, I JUST, UH-- [SPITS]
THINK THAT MORNING BOTTLE OF ROSÉ IS CATCHING UP TO ME.
-THAT WAS A BAD IDEA. -[EXHALES]
LET'S SWEAT IT OUT. COME.
JUST PUSH OUT THAT ROSÉ,
PUSH IT OUT YOUR PORES, DAVID.
-DAVID? -OH, MY GOD.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-OH, MY GOD. -DON'T LET THE TRAIL HIKE YOU.
YOU MUST HIKE THE TRAIL, DAVID.
COME.
HAHA-HAH!
YEAH!
[SPEAKS GERMAN]
FEEL IT IN YOUR LUNGS, DAVID.
[GROANS] MY LEGS ARE TINGLING.
[INHALES, EXHALES DEEPLY]
OH, NATURE. YOU'RE SO REFRESHING.
YOU'RE LIKE AN ARNOLD PALMER.
[INHALES, EXHALES] YOU'RE LIKE A CIGARETTE.
BUT NOT FILLED WITH NICOTINE, YOU'RE FILLED WITH...
NATURE. WOO AHH!
I CAN'T FEEL MY BUTT.
[GROANS] AH HAHA HAH!
[INHALES] NATURE, I SUCK YOU IN.
[ROARING]
OH, MY GOD.
[WIND WHISTLING]
[DAVID] I CAN'T FEEL MY TOES, WHICH I UNDERSTAND,
BUT I CAN'T FEEL MY FINGERS, WHICH SCARES ME.
HOW FAR DID WE WALK TODAY, DAVID?
WE WALKED TWO POINT--
JUST TWO MILES.
HOW MANY MORE MILES REMAIN?
84.
[FLULA] I THINK WE NEED TO WALK FASTER.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[FLULA COUNTING IN GERMAN]
YEAH, OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, DAVID.
WE ARE READY FOR A HIKE.
OH, DAVID, DO YOU KNOW HOW LIKE, WHEN--
WHEN SMALL THINGS YOU CARRY THEM,
THEY HELP YOU MOVE FASTER MORE NIMBLE LIKE A LEOPARD?
LET ME SHOW YOU A TRICK FROM MY FATHER
I LEARNED ON A VOLKSMARCH.
-HERE. -OKAY.
YEAH, HERE WE GO.
-[SNAP] -UGH. YEAH. SIEST DU?
YOU'VE BEHEADED MY TOOTHBRUSH.
NOW IT'S SIX GRAMS LIGHTER, APPROXIMATE.
WHAT DO I DO WITH THE OTHER 95 PERCENT OF IT?
OH, YOU WILL CARRY THAT IN YOUR POCKET UNTIL WE FIND A TRASHCAN.
-YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S, UH... -EXCELLENT.
THEN YOU WILL MOVE FASTER, YES?
GOING ON A HIKE WITH MY FRIEND DAVID.
WHO IS RIGHT BEHIND ME FOR SURE.
OH, LOOK, I FOUND-- I FOUND A PYRAMID
-OR SOMETHING INTERESTING. -OKAY, WAIT UP.
YOU SHOULD SEE IT. IT'S DISAPPEARING QUICK.
[LAUGHS]
[WHISPERING] THERE'S SO MANY GREAT SOUNDS HERE, DAVID.
[DAVID NARRATING] "ONE OF OUR GREAT TASKS
IS TO RECORD NATIVE SPECIMENS
IN THIS NEW PART OF THE CONTINENT."
[FLULA] NOTE, RECORD LEAF SLAPS.
[DAVID NARRATING] "MERIWETHER HAS TAKEN A KEEN INTEREST IN THIS.
EVEN EMPLOYING A SPECIAL APPARATUS IN THESE PURSUITS."
[WHISPERING] IT'S PHOTOSYNTHESIZING. RIGHT NOW.
[DAVID NARRATING] "I TOO HAVE JOINED MERIWETHER IN THIS ENDEAVOR."
-IT'S GROSS. -AH.
RECORD MORE PHOTOSYNTHESIS FOR MY SYNTHESIZER.
[DAVID NARRATING] "AND I AM EAGER TO ASSIST IN THE PROCESS."
WHAT'RE YOU DOING, MAN?
I'M RECORDING SOUNDS FOR THIS SONG.
WHAT SONG?
IT'S THE GREATEST SONG THAT I'VE EVER WRITTEN.
UH, I SEE IT HAS NOT BEEN WRITTEN YET.
WELL, THAT'S WHAT'S NOW IS FOR.
WAIT, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP.
-DO THAT AGAIN. NO. -WHAT?
-BACK, BACK. -WHAT?
LIKE, SHH, LIKE THIS, JUST GO LIKE THIS.
-WHY DON'T YOU JUST DO IT? -YOU DO IT.
AGAIN. MORE.
-WHAT IS HAPPENING? -SHH!
[DAVID NARRATING] "THOUGH HIS METHODOLOGY
IS SOMETIMES PERPLEXING"...
[HISSING, BLOWING]
[ECHOING] "WIND TREE BLOW." RECORD TOMORROW.
[DAVID NARRATING] "I HAVE NO DOUBT THAT THE PRESIDENT
-AND FUTURE GENERATIONS OF SCHOLARS"... -OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
[DAVID NARRATING] ..."WILL BE MUCH DELIGHTED WITH OUR NEW DISCOVERIES."
[WATER RUSHING]
-THIS IS PERFECT C-MINOR. -MM.
-YOU KNOW? -YEAH.
I PEE IN THE KEY OF C-MINOR.
YOU DO?
IN A STANDARD TOILET, OR COURSE.
WE'LL RECORD THAT LATER.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[WATER RUSHING]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
CAN YOU PASS ME THE GORP?
-SORRY, WHAT? -THE GORP.
-THE GORP? -THE GORP.
-GORP? -THE GORP.
-THE GORP? -GORP.
-WHAT'S THIS? -IT STANDS FOR, UM...
IT'S...
CAN I HAVE THE TRAIL MIX?
-OH, YEAH, SURE. -THANK YOU.
THAT WAS RIGHT THERE.
YOU KNOW, FLULA,
LEWIS AND CLARK HIKED THROUGH HERE OVER 200 YEARS AGO.
COULDA... SLEPT RIGHT HERE.
THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD RESEARCH IF I GET THE PART.
[WHISPERING] DO YOU THINK LEWIS URINATED ON THAT TREE?
THAT TREE?
-MM-HMM. -NO.
BUT IF THEY CAMPED HERE, YOU KNOW, TO LEAVE THE TENT
-AND THEN-- -ALLOW ME FOR A SECOND.
CLARK HAD A SLAVE NAMED YORK
WHO DID THE ENTIRE JOURNEY WITH THEM.
YORK ACTUALLY SAVED MERIWEATHER LEWIS FROM A GRISSLY ATTACK,
HE WAS REVERED AS A BRAVE AND-- AND GIANT OF A MAN
BY THE LOCAL INDIAN TRIBES.
AT THE END OF THE JOURNEY, CLARK WHIPPED YORK
FOR NOT WANTING TO GO BACK AS A SLAVE.
-WHAT? -AWFUL.
-THAT'S TERRIBLE. -YEAH, IT'S DEPRESSING PART OF THE SCRIPT,
AND I'M TRYING TO HAVE THEM TWEAK THE ENDING.
I HAVE AN IDEA. DOING SOME WORK ON CLARK, CLARK WOULDN'T SAY THAT.
CLARK WOULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE, UH, I LOVE YOU.
YOU DID IT WITH US. I SET YOU FREE.
-GO HAVE A LIFE. -GO, BE FREE.
THAT'S MY TAKE. JUST GO.
-I LIKE THAT, DAVID. -THANK YOU.
-DO YOU KNOW ANOTHER THING I LIKE? -WHAT'S THAT?
FAST LUNCHES AND HARD HIKES.
OH, YOU'RE DONE.
DAVID, I'M FIGHTING TIME.
IN 60 YEARS, I'LL BE DUST AND MOLECULES.
-[GRUNTS] -WOW.
SO, SUCK IT, TIME.
I'M GONNA HIKE ON YOUR FACE. RIGHT?
I'LL TAKE MY BREAK WHEN WE HIKE.
THE YOUNG BIRD GETS, UH-- GETS ALL THE WORMS.
MEANS A TARDY BIRD JUST-- UGH,
EATS GRAVEL OR, YOU KNOW,
SAND.
OTHER WORMS THAT ARE DEAD AND SMELL BAD.
[GRUNTS]
COME ON, DAVID!
[WATER RUSHING]
[WHISPERS] LOOK, DAVID, A HUMAN.
-HEY, THERE! -UH! JEEZ.
[LAUGHS] GOD! JEEZ!
YOU GUYS JUST SCARED ME SO MUCH.
I HAVEN'T SEEN SOMEBODY IN A LONG TIME.
HEY, WHAT'RE YOU GUYS DOING OUT HERE?
-OH, WE ARE ON A HONEYMOON. -OH.
THAT'S AWESOME! CONGRATULATIONS.
WE'RE-- HE-- WE'RE ON MY HONEYMOON.
HE'S COMING ALONG WITH ME ON MY HONEYMOON, SO...
-HAVE A WONDERFUL LIFE TOGETHER. -LET'S BE CLEAR-- FRIENDS.
-WE ARE HONEY-BUDDIES. -YOU GUYS ARE GONNA MAKE A BEAUTIFUL FAMILY.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE KIDS, RIGHT?
-YES. -AWESOME.
-WITH OTHER PEOPLE. -MAZEL TOV.
-[CLEARS THROAT] -THANK YOU.
I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS.
SERIOUSLY.
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
[WHISPERING] WHAT IS IT?
I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING.
WHAT'RE YOU HEARING?
IT'S GONE. [CHUCKLES]
IS IT SASQUATCH?
-AH... -IS IT A MINOTAUR?
-UM... -IT'S A YETI.
WE HAVE TWO IN GERMANY.
WELL, UM, NOT-- NOT TO FREAK YOU GUYS OUT OR ANYTHING,
BUT ENJOY YOUR TIME TOGETHER.
-OKAY. -'CAUSE THERE'S THESE, UM--
THERE'S WOLVES.
[WOOSHES]
WAS THAT A WOLF?
YEAH. THEY'RE GOVERNMENT EXPERIMENT WOLVES.
YEAH, THEY'RE PUMPED WITH GMOS,
AND THEY ARE MASSIVE, HUGE ANIMALS.
THEY KILL FOR PLEASURE AND THEY'RE FANGS ARE HUGE.
AND THEY LEAVE THEY'RE KILL SO THAT YOU SEE IT,
SO THAT YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE ONE THAT IS BEING HUNTED.
THEY'VE GOT THESE HUGE GIANT VELOCIRAPTOR CLAWS.
-[HISSES] -[SHIVERS]
[INHALES, EXHALES]
BUT, LISTEN.
HAVE A GREAT HONEYMOON,
ENJOY YOUR TIME TOGETHER.
JUST BE COOL, OKAY?
DON'T SWEAT...
BECAUSE THEY SMELL THE SWEAT.
AND, UM, LISTEN, I'M GONNA GIVE YOU A-- A--
A HONEYMOON PRESENT BECAUSE I LIKE YOU GUYS.
THEY'RE REALLY GOOD.
[SNIFFS] I GREW 'EM MYSELF.
I'M TAKING THIS LITTLE FAMILY WITH ME
BECAUSE I WATCHED THEM GROW.
THERE'S NORBERTO AND REGINA.
AND, UH, RAUL, AND SEBASTIAN--
HE'S THE YOUNGEST ONE OF THE FAMILY.
AND THEY ARE-- MM.
SO, LISTEN.
ENJOY YOUR HONEYMOON. ENJOY THE HIKE.
ENJOY MOTHER NATURE.
HEY, WAIT A SECOND.
"LITTLE GENIUS." JESUS CHRIST, THAT'S IT.
WITH THE LITTLE ROBOT GUY.
THAT WAS MY FAVORITE PART.
[AS LITTLE GENIUS] "DOES NOT COMPUTE."
[TOGETHER] "DOES NOT COMPUTE. IT DOES NOT COMPUTE."
-THAT WAS THE ROBOT'S LINE. -IT DOES NOT COMPUTE.
I WAS THE BOY NEXT TO THE ROBOT.
HE WAS THE MOST HUMAN PART OF THAT WHOLE SHOW.
YEAH, EVERYBODY ELSE WAS MORE LIKE ROBOTS.
THANKS FOR BEING PART OF MY LIFE.
ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S TERRIFYING ABOUT THE WOLVES, DAVID.
OH, DON'T BELIEVE THE WOLVES.
DAVID, I HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT YOUR MOVIE.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU WERE SAYING EARLIER
ABOUT SUPERMAN OWNING A SLAVE.
-WHAT? -WELL,
WE HAVE LEWIS AND CLARK-- LEWIS LOVES CLARK
OF COURSE-- THEY'RE LOVERS,
CLARK IS ALWAYS IN THE PHONE BOOTH,
AND THEN HE'S SUPERMAN, SO, WHY IS HE--
WHOA, WHOA, BACK UP.
UM, LOIS AND CLARK KENT ARE FICTITIOUS CHARACTERS.
LEWIS AND CLARK ARE ACTUAL EXPLORERS
WHO EXPLORE THIS AREA.
OKAY, I-- I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHO IS WHO,
BUT I WANT TO GO ON THE RECORD AND TELL YOU
THAT I AM AGAINST SLAVERY.
SO...
IF YOU GET THE ROLE,
I MAY NOT GO TO THE PREMIERE.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START.
HOW IS HE LIKE--? HE'S LIKE SUPER FAST.
FASTER THAN A SPEEDING BULLET,
MORE POWER THAN A "LOCOMOTION."
OH, YES, AND HE OWNS A SLAVE,
'CAUSE HE CANNOT CARRY HIS KNAPSACK?
THAT'S WRONG, SUPERMAN.
[DAVID NARRATING] "MY DEAREST LOVE.
I WRITE TO YOU FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CONTINENT
WITH NO KNOWLEDGE OF WHEN OR IF
YOU WILL EVER RECEIVE THESE WORDS."
"I KNOW THAT WHEN WE LAST SAW EACH OTHER
OUR HEARTS WERE HEAVY.
AND I PRAY THIS FINDS YOU IN BETTER SPIRITS
LIVING A LIFE FULFILLED.
FOR ME, THIS NEW ENDEAVOR
HAS BEEN A WORK OF STAGGERING DIFFICULTY
AND, YET, THE REWARDS ARE MANY,
AND WE MAKE GREAT PROGRESS.
I AM LUCKY TO TRAVEL WITH A MAN
SUCH AS MERIWETHER...
UNIQUELY QUALIFIED
TO LEAD THIS EXPEDITION.
I WAS THINKING THIS MORNING
OF THE DAYS WE FIRST MET IN KENTUCKY
AND WHAT A JOYOUS TIME THAT WAS."
-[GROANS] -UGH!
-BRILLIANT. THAT WAS A GOOD ONE. -GREAT.
-THAT WAS A GOOD ONE. -OH, GOOD. I FELT REALLY GOOD ABOUT IT.
YOU FOOLED THE BIKER OVER THERE.
-YES. -PLAY ACTING.
SO WATCH ME DO THIS TO YOU.
-OKAY. -OH, CRAIG.
OH! HOW DID THAT-- YEAH?
-OH-- BOOM! -OH!
-HAH!
AGAIN. DON'T DO THIS IN A STREET FIGHT.
-OKAY. -'CAUSE YOU WON'T MAKE CONTACT.
-BUT THIS ISN'T GOOD, RIGHT? -NO, IT'S JUST TERRIBLE.
YOU DON'T WANT TO TELEGRAPH IT IN A STREET FIGHT.
YOU WANT TO TELEGRAPH IT FOR THE AMERICAN VIEWER.
-RIGHT. -YEAH, OR WHOEVER GETS IT ABROAD.
YOU DON'T NEED THAT. YOU NEED-- BOOM!
-OKAY, I'M GONNA DO ONE MORE, OKAY? -OKAY, GO FOR IT.
-OW! -OH, MY GOD!
-OH GOD, ARE YOU OKAY? -YEAH, YEAH, I'M FAKING.
-OH, MY GOD. I'M SO SORRY. -WOW!
-THAT'S OKAY. -I'M SO SORRY.
YOU CAME SO CLOSE THAT YOU ACTUALLY HIT ME.
-THAT'S HOW CLOSE YOU CAME. -YEAH, IT WAS PRETTY GOOD.
-I REALLY FELT IT THAT TIME. -BY THE WAY, IT DOESN'T HURT.
-OH, GOD. -IT'S FINE. IT'S FINE.
MY EYES ARE ONLY WATERING 'CAUSE OF MY NOSE
-IS REALLY SENSITIVE. -OH, RIGHT.
[DAVID NARRATING] "I HOPE THAT SOMEDAY YOU WILL READ THIS LETTER.
AND IF SOMEHOW I RETURN HOME AGAIN,
THAT OUR EYES WILL MEET ONCE MORE.
YOURS, WILLIAM CLARK."
[FLULA] AH! DAVID!
HELP, DAVID! I'M TRAPPED!
AH! OH, DAVID!
DAVID, HELP!
HELP, DAVID!
OH, GOD!
DAVID! DAVID, HELP!
-OH, MY GOD! -ROCK HIT ME!
-OH, DAVID! -WHAT HAPPENED?
THE ROCKS! THE ROCKS! I WAS RECORDING A TONE!
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!
-[YELLING] -AH!
DUDE, I'M GETTING NO SERVICE. WE CAN'T CALL OUT.
-I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. -PRETEND I'M LIKE JAMES FRANCO.
I'LL DO-- NO, NO, NO, NO! I CANNOT CUT YOU!
-WE HAVE TO CUT IT, DAVID. -OH, NO, NO, NO...
-NO, DAVID, YOU HAVE TO CUT IT. -I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THIS.
-THIS IS MY HONEYMOON! -CUT IT, DAVID! I'M GONNA DIE!
DAVID, YOU HAVE TO CUT IT.
-TAKE IT. -OH, MY GOD.
IF WE DON'T MAKE IT OUT, DAVID, SEND MY ARM TO MY DAD.
MY FATHER WOULD LIKE MY ARM.
-DON'T DO THE TENDONS. -ALL RIGHT.
-THE TENDONS FIRST. -I NEED A COUNTDOWN.
-THREE, TWO-- -NO, NO, BUT THEN WHAT?
-WHAT? -DAVID! IF ANYBODY WOULD CUT MY ARM,
I WOULD WANT IT TO BE YOU, DAVID.
OH MAN, I'M SORRY, BUDDY. LET'S DO THIS, READY?
-ONE... -TWO...
-THREE! -[SCREAMS]
-DAVID, A SNACK. -IS THAT KETCHUP?
-DO YOU HAVE SOME FRIES? -[LAUGHS]
-PERHAPS SOME HASH BROWNS. -THAT WAS REALLY ELABORATE.
-DID I GET YOU? -YOU DID GET ME.
THAT IS SO BIZARRE THAT YOU WOULD GO TO THAT LENGTH.
-YOU ARE A SIX-YEAR-OLD-BOY. -MAYBE SEVEN.
-IT'S GOING TO BE COMING. -I'M READY.
THAT'S MY KNIFE, BY THE WAY.
DO YOU HAVE A TOWEL?
[TELEPHONE BUZZING]
I GOT RECEPTION!
RECEPTION'S GONE.
DAVID! PUT DOWN YOUR PHONE,
AND JOIN ME IN THESE WATERS.
COME TAKE A FREEZING COLD BATH WITH ME, DAVID. YOU WILL LOVE IT.
JUST IGNORE THE SHRINKAGE.
DAVID, I HAVE GOOSE SKIN RIGHT NOW.
IT FEELS SO GOOD.
OH, HI, DUCKS.
[DAVID] HOPIN' FOR A SIGNAL.
I NEED TO KNOW IF I GOT THIS PART.
[FLULA] COME, DAVID.
INCREASE YOUR HIP-MOVING VELOCITY. LET'S GO.
AND I HAVE TO TALK TO FRANKIE.
OH, DAVID, STOP IT. FOCUS YOUR FACE ON THIS NATURE.
[DAVID NARRATING] "IT SEEMS WE ARE NOW BEYOND REACH OF THE KNOWN WORLD.
I THINK OF THOSE AT HOME WHO HAVE NO KNOWLEDGE
OF OUR WELL BEING."
NOTHING.
[DAVID NARRATING] "IF WE ARE ALIVE OR DEAD."
WHY DO YOU THINK FRANKIE CONTACTED ME?
I MEAN, DO YOU THINK THAT SHE WANTS TO MOVE BACK IN WITH ME?
I DON'T KNOW, DAVID.
OKAY, ACCORDING TO THIS MAP,
WE SHOULD GO ONTO THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS RIDGE,
AND THERE COULD BE A TOWER OVER THERE.
WE'RE SURROUNDED ONLY BY NATURE, DAVID.
I DON'T THINK BEAVERS CAN BUILD CELL PHONE TOWERS.
WELL, THE PHONE SAYS OTHERWISE.
[WATER RUSHING]
[GROANS] NOTHING STILL.
DAVID, HERE. I'M SLIGHTLY TALLER. LET ME TRY.
OKAY.
[STRAINING]
UH! A LITTLE HIGHER.
YEP. HERE WE GO.
ALL RIGHT, CELL TOWERS. SMELL THIS PHONE.
-[SIGNAL CONNECTS] -HA! WE GOT IT!
-WE GOT-- -AH!
-OH, GOD! -[SPLASH]
UGH!
-OH, NO, NO! -OH, SCHEIßE.
[WATER RUSHING]
YEAH, IT'S COMPLETELY FUCKED.
I'M SORRY, DAVID. SCHEIßE.
HERE. GET YOUR PHONE OUT.
I DIDN'T BRING IT. IT'S IN THE CAR.
I-- I DIDN'T THINK WE WOULD HAVE SERVICE.
[GROANS]
-THE MAPS WERE IN THIS PHONE. -UH, NO, THAT'S OKAY.
BEFORE IT BROKE, I CHECKED.
WE HAVE TO GO TO LIKE A PLACE CALLED RED FOX.
YEAH.
WELL, DO YOU KNOW WHERE THAT IS?
WE'LL FIND IT FOR SURE.
HOW MANY RED FOXES ARE THERE, DAVID? RIGHT?
UH, I THINK IT'S RED FOX HILLS.
OH, YEAH, YEAH. WHY-- WHY-- WHY IS THAT?
-IT'S IN MY GUTS. -UH, WE'RE GOING WITH YOUR GUTS NOW?
THAT'S HOW WE'RE HIKING?
WELL, WHAT WOULD LEWIS AND CLARK DO?
THEY WOULD HAVE USED A NATIVE AMERICAN GUIDE
OR A COMPASS.
COMPASS? GREAT. LET'S USE THAT.
OH, GOOD, YEAH. UH, THAT WAS ON MY PHONE.
SO, DO YOU HAVE A GUIDE?
I DON'T HAVE A GUIDE.
-LET'S GO THAT WAY. -LET'S DO IT.
IT'S PROBABLY ALL THE SAME.
-COME ON, DAVID. -[GRUNTS]
[DAVID NARRATING] "WHEN I FIRST VIEWED THESE MOUNTAINS,
I FELT A SUDDEN PLEASURE.
BUT NOW, AS I REFLECT ON THE DIFFICULTIES
WHICH THIS SNOWY BARRIER THROWS IN OUR WAY,
AND THE SUFFERINGS AND HARDSHIPS OF OUR PARTY,
IT IN SOME MEASURE COUNTER BALANCES
THOSE FOND MEMORIES."
AND WHAT ARE YOUR GUTS TELLING YOU NOW?
I DON'T KNOW. MY GPS IS DOWN, DAVID.
OH, YOU HAVE A GPS?
YEAH. MY GUTS POSITIONING SYSTEM.
IT'S NOT WORKING BECAUSE I'M HUNGRY.
I THINK IT NEEDS A SANDWICH.
[DAVID NARRATING] "AFTER NARROWLY AVOIDING RUINESS INJURY"...
[GRUNTS, SPITS]
-COME, DAVID. -[GRUNTS]
[DAVID NARRATING] ..."WE LOOK TO DESCENDING FROM THIS RETCHED MOUNTAIN
WHICH WE HAVE NOW NAMED, 'WRETCHED MOUNTAIN.'"
WELL, THIS WAS YOUR IDEA TO DO RED FOX HILLS.
RED FOX IS AN IDIOT.
WE CALL HILLS LIKE THIS IN GERMANY MOUNTAINS.
[DAVID NARRATING] "BUT WE TAKE JOY IN KNOWING THAT TONIGHT
WE SHALL BED AT THE LAST OUTPOST OF CIVILIZATION."
[WIND WHISTLING]
I CALLED MY AGENT.
IT'S BETWEEN ME AND ONE OTHER GUY.
OH, THAT'S GREAT.
I CALLED FRANKIE. THERE WAS NO ANSWER.
-OH. -BUT,
I DID PICK UP ANOTHER MAP,
AND YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TOUCH IT.
I WILL TREAT IT LIKE A BABY IF I TOUCH IT.
LISTEN, I MAILED THIS TWO WEEKS AGO.
IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FOR ME AND FRANKIE, BUT
-NOW IT'S FOR ME AND YOU. -OOH.
CHAMPAGNE.
-HEY, BUDDY. -OH, YEAH, OATMEAL-RAISIN MIX.
-OH, CONDOMS. -WE DON'T NEED THOSE.
-BUT WHO KNOW, DAVID? -THOSE WERE NOT MEANT FOR US.
[FLULA GASPS]
AND IT SEEMS AS THOUGH YOU SENT YOURSELF A PACKAGE.
[GASPS]
IT MEANS "HONEYBUDDIES,"
BUT IN GERMAN.
[LAUGHS]
OH, MY GOD.
-IT'S FOR YOU. -THAT...
IS A VERY ORANGE SHIRT.
YEAH.
I SELECTED THE COLOR FOR SAFETY.
YOU KNOW, LIKE IF HUNTERS ARE LOOKING FOR ELKS OR REINDEERS,
WHO ARE WE?
[SCOFFS] HUMANS IN SHIRTS.
[LAUGHS] THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
LOOK ON THE LEFT. THAT'S YOU.
-OH, SLIGHTLY SHORTER. -WELL, IT'S ACCURATE, YEAH.
-OH, MAN, THANK YOU. -OH, GREAT.
LOOK, OKAY. I GOTTA BE A GROWNUP.
I'M GONNA PUT THE WHOLE PHONE INCIDENT
BEHIND US.
OKAY, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
AND HONESTLY, IT'S KIND OF A BLESSING IN DISGUISE.
I-- I'D RATHER NOT HAVE THE OUTSIDE WORLD
ENCROACHING ON THIS.
WELL, SORRY AGAIN ABOUT THAT.
OH.
THIS CHAMPAGNE'S NOT GONNA DRINK ITSELF.
NO, WE ARE GONNA DO IT.
THAT'S WHAT YOU MEANT, RIGHT?
-YES. -OKAY, THEN.
[MUSIC INTRO BEGINS]
[FLULA] PARTY POOPER.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
¶ TURN UP ¶
[MUSIC PLAYING]
¶ OH, I TELL YOU, JENNIFER ¶
¶ SHE'S REALLY A PARTY POOPER... ¶
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
[WHISTLES]
DAVID, WE'RE EMPTY.
WE NEED SOME MORE CHAMPAGNE.
LET ME GET IT.
OOH. [TAPPING]
[WHISTLES, TAPPING]
[GRUNTING]
[FRANKIE'S VOICE] "DEAR DAVID.
I JUST FOUND YOUR SECRET HONEYMOON PACKAGE.
AND EVEN THOUGH I'M PROBABLY SITTING RIGHT THERE NEXT TO YOU,
I DECIDED TO WRITE YOU A LITTLE NOTE.
I WANTED TO JUST TELL YOU THAT I'M THE LUCKIEST PERSON
IN THE WORLD TO HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE.
I KNOW THINGS HAVEN'T BEEN EASY LATELY,
BUT I'M SURE IT WILL ALL BE WORTH IT.
I CAN'T WAIT TO SPEND THE REST OF OUR LIVES TOGETHER.
LOVE YOU LIKE CRAZY.
YOUR NEW WIFE,
FRANKIE."
[TAPPING ON GLASS]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, DAVID?
OH, AH...
JUST GETTING ANOTHER BOTTLE.
[WATER RUSHING]
ALL RIGHT, DAVID, I'M GOING DOWN THE CREEK
TO GET SOME COOL RIVER SOUNDS.
-BE CAREFUL. -OKAY.
[EXHALES]
COME HERE, SOUNDS.
[OWL HOOTING]
[CHIRPING]
[SIGHS] THIS IS PERFECT.
[ECHOING] TAKE ONE OF ROCK SOUNDS.
[DAVID NARRATING] "MERIWETHER HAS ONCE AGAIN
LEFT TO CAPTURE NEW SPECIMENS."
SOMETIMES I WORRY WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN TO HIM WHEN HE IS ALONE."
- AH, GOTTVERDAMMT, SCHEIßE. -[ROCK CLICKS]
[TAPPING]
[TAPPING ROCK MIMICKING DRUM BEAT]
[ELECTRICITY STATIC] THIS IS WHAT IT IS.
VER SIND DA? WHO'S HERE?
[EXHALES] VERDAMMT NOCH MAL, DU.
-[SCREAMS] -[GROWLS]
[LAUGHS]
OH, GOD.
DUDE, IT'S ME. IT'S ME. IT'S ME.
-DAVID. -I'M SORRY, MAN.
-YOU GOT ME. -I KNOW,
BUT THE THING WITH THE ARM.
SO, WE'RE EVEN. I'M SO SORRY.
-DUDE, ARE YOU OKAY? -NO.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
-OH, DAVID. -UH, WE'RE EVEN NOW, BUDDY.
WE ARE EVEN STEVEN.
OH, I'M GONNA GET YOU SO HARD.
OH NO, WE'RE DONE. YOU GOT ME, AND I GOT YOU BACK.
NO, IT'S MY TURN. IT'S LIKE A FRISBEE.
NO, WE CAN BE DONE.
[DAVID NARRATING] "WHAT DRIVES MEN TO DO SUCH THINGS?
ARE WE FULL OF COURAGE?
ARE WE MAD?
OR DO WE SIMPLY FLEE WHAT WE'VE LEFT BEHIND?"
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?
IT'S NOT MY FAULT I DIDN'T GET THE JOB.
I'M ACTUALLY OKAY WITH YOU PUTTING YOUR CAREER BEFORE ME.
WHAT I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IS WHEN YOU TREAT ME LIKE SHIT.
SO AFTER HE PULLED OUT THE HEART, YOU KNOW, FROM THAT MAN,
THAT'S WHEN I DECIDED I'M NEVER VISITING INDIANA.
YEAH, HIS NAME IS INDIANA JONES.
THAT SCENE TOOK PLACE IN INDIA,
AND THAT WAS A MOVIE.
WELL, I'M NOT GOING. I DON'T CARE WHERE IT IS.
IT'S SCARY.
-HEY, GUYS. -HELLO.
LET ME GUESS. UH, BEST FRIEND FOREVER, DAVID AND DJ FLULA.
YEAH.
I'VE BEEN STALKING YOU.
-[LAUGHS] -I'M KIDDING.
I SAW YOUR NAMES ON THE HIKING REGISTRY.
AH-HAH-HAH! THAT'S WHAT YOU PUT DOWN IN THE REGISTRY?
-YEAH, IT'S THE TRUTH. -OKAY.
I GUESS WE MUST'VE PASSED YOU GUYS
YESTERDAY AT RED FOX TRAIL?
YES. WE ACTUALLY ENDED UP DOING RED FOX HILLS,
WHICH WAS FAR LESS DIRECT.
-VERY SCENIC. -COOL.
WELL, DID YOU GUYS WANNA STAY WITH OUR GROUP TONIGHT?
-WE HAVE BACKPACKER BEER. -YOU BET.
HECK, YES, HELLO. DO BEARS POOP IN FORESTS?
-THAT SOUNDS GREAT. SURE. -THEY DO.
OKAY, AWESOME. UM, WELL, THERE'S A--
THERE'S A GREAT SPOT, ACTUALLY, RIGHT OVER THERE.
YOU GUYS WANNA GO GRAB IT, AND I'LL MEET YOU THERE?
-GREAT. -AWESOME.
-COOL. -THANKS.
-BFF. -BYE-- BYE-BYE.
DAVID, SHE IS VERY ATTRACTIVE.
YEAH, I GUESS. IF YOU'RE INTO THAT SORT OF THING.
WHAT? NO. SHE WAS LOOKING AT YOU, DAVID.
NO, SHE WAS LOOKING AT BOTH OF US.
NO, SHE WAS LOOKING AT YOU.
STOP THINKING ABOUT FRANKIE ALL THE TIME.
START THINKING ABOUT HOT NEW LADIES.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
¶ DEEP IN THE NIGHT ¶
¶ FAR FROM THE PATH ¶
¶ THE NEED FOR SLEEP ¶
¶ FINALLY CONQUER ¶
¶ THE URGE TO FIGHT ¶
¶ THE HOWL OF THE WINDS ¶
¶ MY HEAD STILL RINGS... ¶
[GRUNTS] OKAY.
OH, YEAH, DAVID.
YEAH, GET IT. OH, YEAH, LOOKING GOOD.
OKAY, SO, TONIGHT, JUST--
YOU DO SOME GOOD THINGS, AND I'LL BE YOUR WINGMAN.
OH, YEAH, I DO NOT NEED A WINGMAN TONIGHT.
-THANK YOU. -YOU DON'T THINK YOU DON'T NEED ONE.
-RIGHT. -BUT YOU DO.
¶ DEEP IN THE DIRT ¶
¶ FAR FROM THE PAST ¶
¶ THE NEED TO LEAVE ¶
¶ FINALLY CONQUER ¶
¶ THE WILL TO LIVE ¶
¶ IT'S SLOWLY FADING ¶
¶ WITHOUT A SOUND ¶
¶ THE HOWL OF THE WIND ¶
¶ MY HEAD STILL RINGS ¶
¶ THE HOWL OF THE WIND. ¶
[SONG ENDS]
HELLO, EVERYONE.
I'M FLULA AND THIS IS DAVID.
-HI. -I SMELL VERY BAD,
UH, BUT DAVID SMELLS REALLY GREAT.
SO.
DO YOU GUYS WANNA LEARN HOW TO MAKE BACKPACKING BEER?
-OH... -UH, YES, BUT,
IF THIS IS A DIFFICULT TASK, WATCH OUT.
I AM VERY STUPID.
BUT DAVID, HE'S LIKE A SCIENTIST OF THE WORLD.
IT'S REALLY EASY.
I-- I-- I'M SURE YOU BOTH WILL BE FINE.
UH, THIS IS SOME WATER--
NATURALLY SOURCED, THAT WE THEN CARBONATED.
STEP ONE.
AND THEN, HERE IS THE CONCENTRATE.
IT'S JUST A TEASPOON OF THIS INTO WHAT YOU GUYS HAVE.
JUST BE CAREFUL 'CAUSE IT'S LIKE
70 PERCENT ALCOHOL.
-OOH. -JUST BE CAREFUL.
THAT SOUNDS LIKE TOO MANY STEPS FOR MY SMALL BRAIN.
I WILL PROBABLY URINATE EVERYWHERE.
ALSO, I'M VERY TERRIBLE WITH SEXUAL INTERCOURSE.
JUST FYIS.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?
UH, WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
THAT'S THE SADDEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD.
IT WAS A, UH, TOUGH TIME,
BUT, UH,
YOU KNOW, WHATEVER DOESN'T KILL YOU, RIGHT?
NO. I MEAN,
THAT IS LITERALLY THE SADDEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD.
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU'RE JUST
KEEPING IT TOGETHER LIKE THIS RIGHT NOW.
YES, LAST WEEK, DAVID WAS CRYING
-ALL DAY, JUST EVERYDAY. -TSK, OH.
THIS WEEK DAVID'S ONLY CRYING A FEW MINUTES EVERY DAY.
-[DAVID LAUGHS] -YEAH,
IT'S BECAUSE HE'S SO MANLY.
UNLIKE ME, HE'S VERY GOOD AT THINGS LIKE
FRENCH KISSING.
YEAH, OKAY, THANK YOU.
UM, YOU SIR, ARE THE GREATEST
BEST MAN YOU COULD EVER WANT.
HE'S ALSO NEVER DONE A PORNO FILM.
BUT HE'S RECEIVED MANY OFFERS.
THAT'S VERY FLATTERING.
UH, WELL, FLULA, YOU WERE THE BEST MAN.
-DID YOU WRITE A SPEECH? -YES, I HAVE IT HERE.
-YOU DO? -YEAH.
THAT'S AMAZING. YOU-- YOU HAVE TO--
YOU HAVE TO SAY IT. YOU HAVE TO GIVE THE SPEECH.
-YEAH? -NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NOT NOW.
-YES. YES. -HOW 'BOUT A LITTLE LATER?
-SPEECH, SPEECH. -NO, DON'T START.
-DON'T START. -[ALL CHANTING] SPEECH. SPEECH.
-GUYS, NO! IT'S STUPID. -[CHANTING] SPEECH. SPEECH...
-[DAVID] YES! HEY! -[CHANTING]
"HELLO EVERYONE.
WHAT A WONDERFUL LOCATION FOR A WEDDING LIKE THIS--
THIS GREAT GOLF COURSE WE'RE ON TONIGHT.
YOU GUYS ARE ALL SUCH SEXY 'MOTHERPUTTERS.'
FOUR!"
OKAY.
"DAVID, FRANKIE--
DAVID, LADIES, GENTLEMEN,
AND ALL THE ATTENDERS OF THIS GREAT EVENT,
HELLO TO YOU AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRESENCE
AND ALSO, YOUR PRESENTS.
OH, LOOK AT THAT ONE WITH THE NICE STRIPES AND BOWS.
OH, WHAT IS IT? PERHAPS A CROCK POT?
OR A LAWN MOWER?
A QUESTION FOR YOU.
WHO IS A LUCKY PERSON?
IS IT A SMALL BABY CHILD WHO IS BORN
AND CAN IMMEDIATELY TOOT HORNS
LIKE A JAZZ EXPERT?
YES, THIS IS A LUCKY BABY.
OR WHAT IF A MAN WHO CANNOT SPEAK WITH WORDS
BUT ONLY WITH LOUD SCREAMS OF AGONIZING TERROR?
NO, HE'S ACTUALLY NOT LUCKY.
BUT NOW, LET US SEE
WHO IS THE MOST LUCKY PERSON IN ALL THE WORLD.
MY FINGER SHALL TELL YOU.
IT IS ME.
BECAUSE I HAVE THE BEST FRIEND IN ALL OF THE WORLD.
DAVID.
-AW. -SOME YEARS AGO,
MY LIFE AS A DEEJAY WAS, AS YOU SAY,
A COMPLETE AND 'BUTTER' FAILURE.
EVERYONE IN MY TOWN WAS HATING AT MY SOUND,
BUT THEN ONE NIGHT EVERYTHING CHANGED.
WHEN AN AMERICAN MAN MADE A STOP IN THE BAR.
HE WAS ON A 'SOUL SEARCH' TRIP HE DID SAY.
WE TALKED FOR MANY HOURS
AND HAD MANY, MANY SCHNAPPSES
SPEAKING OF OUR FRUSTRATIONS IN LIFE.
WE DID HUG AND DANCE AND, YES,
CRY SOME LONG AND HARD TEARS LIKE TWO PIRATES
SEARCHING FOR BOOTY FOR MANY YEARS
BUT FINDING ONLY DIRT AND SOME COCONUTS.
IN THE MORNING BEFORE DAVID DID LEAVE, HE TOLD ME,
'FLULA, ANYTIME YOU ARE IN LOS ANGELES, LOOK ME UP.'
AND SO THE NEXT DAY, I PURCHASED A TICKET
-AND FLEW TO LOS ANGELES." -YEP.
"DAVID WAS NOT YET HOME FROM HIS SOUL SEARCH TRIP,
SO I DID SLEEP ON HIS PORCH FOR 16 DAYS.
WHEN HE ARRIVED HOME, HE CALLED THE POLICE
AND DID PRETEND NOT TO REMEMBER ME."
WHICH WAS VERY FUNNY, I MUST SAY, DAVID.
REALLY, IT'S THIS ACTING. WHOA, YOU ARE NAIL IT, RIGHT?
MAN, GREAT WORK. TALENT.
ANYWAY.
"AFTER THE POLICE LEFT, OUR FRIENDSHIP SPROUTED
LIKE A FRESH FIELD OF ASPARAGUS.
EXCEPT UNLIKE ASPARAGUS,
OUR FRIENDSHIP DID NOT MAKE OUR URINE SMELL TERRIBLE."
AND HERE'S-- OH, AND SOME NICE THINGS ABOUT FRANKIE.
SOME MORE-- NO, IT'S NOT APPLICABLE. AH, JA.
"DAVID, WE HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FROM WHEN WE WERE BOTH
AT THE BOTTOMS OF LIFE.
AND THIS IS WHEN FRIENDSHIPS ARE MADE STRONG,
LIKE TWO CHANDELIERS
THAT HAVE FALLEN INSIDE A VOLCANO.
THE CHANDELIERS MELT, BUT THEN THEY STICK TOGETHER.
AND THEN WHEN THEY COOL DOWN,
THEY ARE HUGGING FOREVER.
NOTHING CAN BREAK THIS NEW DOUBLE CHANDELIER APART.
EXCEPT IF IT FALLS BACK INTO THE VOLCANO.
OR SLIPS INTO A GEYSER."
I MEAN, OR IF YOU DROP IT FROM A LARGE HEIGHT,
THEN IT-- IT WILL SHATTER.
BUT THEN...
"DAVID, I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.
HERE IS TO YOU, MY BEST FRIEND FOREVER AND MY HONEYBUDDY.
SO, NOW LET'S HAVE A TOAST FOR DAVID AND FRANKIE"--
NOPE, JUST DAVID, WE ARE JUST TOASTING FOR DAVID.
[CHEERING, CLAPPING]
CHEERS, GUYS, THANK YOU.
THAT WAS SO SWEET.
-OH, THANKS. -THAT REALLY WAS.
AND, UM, I'M JUST SORRY YOU DIDN'T GET TO SAY IT AT MY ACTUAL WEDDING.
-NEXT TIME. -YOU'RE REALLY GOOD AT THAT.
YOU SHOULD BE A PUBLIC SPEAKER.
-OH, NO. -PROFESSIONALLY.
-NO, STOP IT. -YEAH.
DAVID IS THE REAL MASTER THESPIAN HERE.
-OH... -WAIT.
IN KNEW YOU LOOKED FAMILIAR.
UH-UH.
-YOU'RE A TV STAR, AREN'T YOU? -WELL, NOT A TV "STAR."
I'VE-- I'VE DONE SOME STUFF ON TV.
-NO BIG DEAL. -NO, YOU'RE, LIKE, FAMOUS.
YOU WERE ON THAT SHOW "PORTLAND STEEL," RIGHT?
-YEAH. -YEAH, I WAS ON "PORTLAND STEEL."
I DID THAT, UH, PILOT EPISODE.
I WAS-- THE CHARACTER DIDN'T MAKE IT, BUT...
-YOU SAW THAT? -OH, MY GOD.
I WAS SO PISSED WHEN THEY FIRED YOU.
-WOW. -I LOVED YOU.
-YOU WERE GREAT. -THANK YOU.
-YEAH. -[GASPS]
SO, WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO LATELY?
I MEAN, ANY-- ANYTHING I WOULD'VE SEEN?
UH, WELL,
OKAY, JUST SOME, UM, LITTLE KIND OF INDY THINGS.
-YEAH. -DID A COUPLE INDY DRAMAS.
-THAT'S SO COOL. -SOME GOT A LOT OF BUZZ ON THE CIRCUIT.
DO NOT BE SO MODEST. HE'S DONE SO MANY THINGS.
-UH, STOP IT. -"ZOMBIES VS. MONKEYS, PART THREE."
-NO ONE SAW THAT MOVIE. -I'M NOT REALLY INTO SCI-FI, SO.
-THAT WAS JUST FOR A PAYCHECK. -I'M JUST--
I SWEAR THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE, THOUGH.
-WHAT? -NO, THERE'S-- I CAN'T
-PUT MY FINGER ON IT. -THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT.
-THAT IS EVERYTHING. -I KNOW THERE'S-- NO.
WELL, THERE'S "LITTLE GENIUS." THERE'S "LITTLE GENIUS."
-[GASPS] OH, MY GOD! -WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?
IT'S "LITTLE GENIUS."
OH, MY GOD.
YOU ARE LIKE A NATIONAL TREASURE.
THAT IS THE-- LIKE, MY FAVORITE SHOW
-WHEN I WAS LITTLE. -YEAH?
YOU WERE SO CUTE.
YOU USED TO BE LIKE, "BUT I'M THE REAL BOY." RIGHT?
IT HAD THAT SONG, TOO-- HOW DID THE SONG GO?
-LIKE, LITTLE... -[CAMPER] I KNOW THAT SONG.
-YOU DO? -YEAH.
-YES, YOU HAVE TO PLAY IT. -NO-- HEY, NO.
-WE YOU DON'T NEED TO DO THAT. -OH, MY GOD, THIS IS PERFECT.
-[GUITAR PLAYING INTRO] -PLEASE, CAN WE NOT DO THAT?
[SINGING IN ENGLISH]
[POLLY] IT'S SO GOOD.
[SINGS] HERE'S COMES THE...
[ALL SINGING CHORUS]
[ALL]
¶ WE GOT A ¶
[ALL]
[IMITATES DRUM SOLO INTRO]
ALL RIGHT, BIG FINISH.
¶ YEAH, WE GOT A... ¶
[ALL]
-[SONG ENDS] -[CHEERS, CLAPPING]
-WHAT, HE DOESN'T LIKE IT? -IT'S A REALLY GOOD SONG.
-IT'S SO GOOD, YEAH. -IT'S ACTUALLY A REALLY GOOD SONG.
MAY BE BATHROOM BREAK. I DON'T KNOW.
[PEEING, SIGHS]
HE DOESN'T SHUT UP.
[ZIPS ZIPPER]
[BACKGROUND CHATTER]
UGH!
[BIRD SQUAWKING]
[POLLY'S VOICE] "DEAREST FLULA, THANK YOU,
OR, SHOULD I SAY, DANKE FOR LAST NIGHT.
WOW, WOW.
YOU ARE A MASTER AT MAKING LOVE.
YOU ARE PROBABLY BETTER AT MAKING LOVE THAN MAKING MUSIC.
I WOULD'VE THOUGHT THAT WAS IMPOSSIBLE,
SINCE YOUR MUSIC IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD,
BUT, IT IS POSSIBLE.
I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU.
ALSO, I'M GLAD I CHOSE YOU INSTEAD OF DAVID.
SINCERELY YOURS,
POLLY."
"PS: DAVID"...
[FLULA'S VOICE] ..."THIS IS REALLY FLULA.
I DID NOT HAVE ANY INTIMATE RELATIONS WITH POLLY.
THAT WOULD BE INAPPROPRIATE.
ALSO, YOU JUST GOT PUNKED!"
[BIRDS SQUAWKING]
[CLAPPING]
[IMITATING FLULA] OH, DID I RUIN YOUR SOUNDS?
[GASPS] YOU SAW MY LOVE NOTE.
YEAH, IT WAS REAL FUNNY.
WHAT?
SHE WAS MINE LAST NIGHT AND THAT'S WHAT I NEEDED.
AND YOU CAME IN AND YOU COCKBLOCKED ME SO HARD.
I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T NEED A WINGMAN, OKAY?
YOU DON'T KNOW WHEN TO SHUT UP.
TALKING ABOUT "LITTLE GENIUS"?
SHE LIKED YOU BECAUSE OF "LITTLE GENIUS."
I BROUGHT THIS UP, IMMEDIATELY, SHE LIKES YOU.
-THEY WERE SINGING THE SONG-- -ENOUGH WITH "LITTLE GENIUS."
-YOU'RE TELLING ME ENOUGH OF "LITTLE GENIUS"? -YEAH.
THAT'S ALL YOU THINK ABOUT, DAVID.
I'M TRYING TO BRING YOU HERE TO NATURE, BUT WHERE ARE YOU?
YOU ARE STUCK INSIDE YOUR CRANIUM THERE.
I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FEEL BETTER HERE ON THIS TRIP.
AND ALL YOU DO IS YOU'RE A LITTLE BITCHIER AND YOU'RE A LITTLE MOANER.
WELL, I'VE HAD ENOUGH MOANERS AND ENOUGH BITCHERS, DAVID.
-SUCK IT UP. -SORRY I'M DEPRESSED
AFTER MY FIANCÉE LEFT ME.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DO ALL DAY LONG?
DUDE, YOU HAVE NO FILTER.
DID YOU SEE THE NOTE THAT FRANKIE LEFT ME YESTERDAY?
IS THAT WHAT THIS JOKE IS ALL ABOUT, MAN?
WHAT NOTE? DAVID, NO.
YOU CAN'T JUST LAUGH AND DANCE THROUGH REAL LIFE SHIT.
THERE ARE REPERCUSSIONS. AND YOU KNOW ANOTHER THING?
-WHAT? -REMEMBER THAT NIGHT
IN GERMANY WHEN WE MET
AND HAD THAT GREAT TIME GOT ALL DRUNK OFF OF SCHNAPPS?
-YEAH. -I DON'T.
I DON'T REMEMBER MEETING YOU.
THAT IS THE GENESIS OF THIS RELATIONSHIP, OKAY?
AND I DON'T REMEMBER INVITING YOU TO AMERICA.
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GOING TO GO TO THE NEXT CAMPSITE WITHOUT YOU.
CLEARLY YOU NEED TO BE ALONE.
OKAY, YEAH, I HOPE YOU GET THERE WITHOUT A MAP.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
¶ IT'S HARD TO KEEP THE RAIN CLOUDS OUT ¶
¶ WHEN THE WINDOWS NEVER CLOSE ¶
¶ AND THE HOUSE FEELS LIKE A GRAVEYARD NOW ¶
¶ LIKE THE FLOORBOARDS HIDE THE BONES ¶
¶ AND NOW I HAVE LOST YOUR FACE ¶
¶ AND SLIPS BETWEEN MY FINGERS NOW ¶
¶ AND ALL THE WORLD IS GRAY ¶
¶ AS THOUGH YOU TOOK THE COLORS WITH YOU ¶
¶ WHEN YOU WENT AND PASSED AWAY... ¶
[VOCALIZING]
[SONG ENDS]
[DAVID NARRATING] "FATIGUE IS HIGH.
BAD SPIRITS ABOUND.
THIS IS WITHOUT A DOUBT
THE LOWEST POINT OF OUR JOURNEY."
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-WHAT IS THIS? -OH, MY GOD.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGET TO CANCEL THEM.
THEY LOOK LIKE VIKINGS.
BUT FRIENDLY.
WELL, HI. YOU MUST BE DAVID.
-YES. -AND YOU MUST BE FRANKIE.
-UH... -WE'RE VERY PLEASED
TO BE ABLE TO PLAY FOR YOU FOR THIS SPECIAL OCCASION.
THIS IS THE ORGAN RENAISSANCE BAND,
AND WE HAVE JUST PLAYED
A PIECE BY ANTHONY HOLBORNE CALLED, "THE NIGHTWATCH."
AND WE HAVE A FEW MORE NUMBERS TO PLAY FOR YOU THIS EVENING,
AND WE HOPE THAT YOU ENJOY WHAT WE'VE PUT TOGETHER FOR YOU.
TWO, THREE, FOUR...
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[SONG ENDS]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
WHAT? THE VIKINGS ARE HERE?
HEY, MAN, I KNOW I'VE BEEN A, UH,
-REAL DICK. -YEAH.
AND I WANT TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU.
UH, IT'S OKAY. I FORGIVE YOU, DAVID.
[LAUGHS] DON'T GIVE IT TO ME THAT EASY.
-I... -IT'S FINE, DAVID, WE'RE FRIENDS AGAIN.
SHH.
I WANT TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU,
AND HERE'S HOW.
YEAH? REMEMBER THESE?
NOW, I'VE NEVER DONE THESE BEFORE,
BUT I-- OKAY.
I-- I THINK YOU HAVE TO BE IN THE RIGHT HEADSPACE...
MY GOD, STOP. THAT'S WAY TOO MUCH. GIVE THAT TO ME.
WOW.
GO, DAVID.
MM.
THIS DO THIS.
-LET'S DO THIS. -[WARPED MUSIC PLAYING]
¶ I'M DRESSED LIKE A PUNK SINGER ¶
¶ 'CAUSE THIS IS, IS WHAT A HUMDINGER ¶
¶ BUT TO TELL WHO I AM ¶
¶ YOU DON'T NEED NO SKETCH ARTIST ¶
¶ 'CAUSE I READ THE HARDEST ¶
¶ ON A CASSETTE CARTRIDGE ¶
-¶ CHIME DRIVER ¶ -¶ DRIVER ¶
¶ YOU KNOW ME, I CRY, YELL AT HIM ¶
¶ I YELL AT HIM, I YELL AT HIM ¶
¶ I YELL AT HIM ¶
[MUSIC SCRATCHES]
¶ 'CAUSE I WAS THE CUTEST KID, WHO BLEW THEIR WIGS ¶
¶ AMUSIN' GIGS, YES, I AM THE FUGITIVE ¶
¶ YOU KNOW I'LL TRY FOR DEAD ¶
¶ WAKE UP ¶
¶ I KNOW YOU SEE ME WHEN I'M BLOWING DOPE ¶
¶ IN SCHOOL ZONES I'M TOO GROWN ¶
¶ CAN'T YOU TELL? ¶
¶ WAKE UP ¶
¶ I KNOW YOU SEE ME WHEN I'M ON THE ROAD ¶
¶ AND THEN VOTE, TURN... ¶
¶ CAN'T YOU TELL? ¶
¶ IS IT 'CAUSE OF HOW WE DID THIS? ¶
¶ YEAH, WAITING FOR WEEKEND, EARN THE WAGES ¶
¶ AND 'CAUSE OF HOW I FIT MY HOOD AND A TURN OF PHRASE ¶
¶ IS IT 'CAUSE MY NIGGAS KNOW THIS WORLD'S A PERFECT CAGE? ¶
¶ I DON'T KNOW, DO YOU GET IT... ¶
[MUSIC SLOWS, STOPS]
[PANTING]
[PANTING STOPS]
[GROWLS]
[SNARLS, GROWLING]
[MUSIC RESUMES]
¶ CAN'T YOU TELL? ¶
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
DO YOU THINK THE WOLF IS GONNA EAT US?
I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD CLOSE OUR EYES, DAVID.
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
I THINK I KNOW WHY FRANKIE LEFT ME.
IF WE MAKE IT OUT OF HERE ALIVE,
I'M GONNA CHANGE MY PRIORITIES.
I'M GONNA CHANGE MY WHOLE LIFE.
I DROPPED YOUR PHONE ON PURPOSE.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
OH. GOOD MORNING, DAVID.
GOOD NEWS.
WE DID NOT GET EATEN LAST NIGHT.
SUCK IT, WOLF!
[GROANS]
LET'S GO FIND THAT LODGE.
AW, MAN, I'M SO HUNGRY.
HUNGRY LIKE A-- A WOLF, ACTUALLY.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[DAVID NARRATING] "GREAT JOY IN THE PARTY.
WE HAVE REACHED THE END OF THE CONTINENT.
TO MY DEAR FRIEND MERIWETHER,
NO MAN EXISTS WITH WHOM I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED TO ENDURE
SUCH A JOURNEY.
NOW LET US ENJOY THIS CELEBRATED DAY."
[FLULA] WOW, DAVID.
IT LOOKS LIKE A ROBOTS HELMET.
[DAVID] YEAH, IT'S QUITE MODERN, ISN'T IT?
DAVID, ARE YOU READY FOR ALL THE SNACKS?
I'M READY FOR 'EM. GIVE 'EM TO ME.
DO YOU THINK THEY HAVE SPAGHETTI BOLOGNESE.
OH, THEY GOT EVERYTHING.
-STEAK? -YES.
-FRIES THAT ARE FRENCH? -YES.
-CROISSANTS? -OH, I KNOW THEY GOT CROISSANTS.
-CABBAGE? -NO, I DON'T WANT THOSE.
WELL, I'LL EAT YOUR CABBAGE.
GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO BIG PINEY.
-BOTH: THANK YOU. -SAW YOU COMING UP THE WALK.
-IS ONE OF YOU DAVID? -YEAH, THAT'S ME.
YOUR AGENT'S BEEN CALLING QUITE A BIT, AND, UH,
HE WANTED YOU TO HAVE THIS NOTE.
SOMETHING ABOUT LEWIS AND CLARK.
[DAVID] WOW, AWESOME, UH, A QUICK QUESTION.
SIR, WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE TO BRING A COT
-INTO OUR ROOM? -YEAH, NO PROBLEM.
-WE'LL HAVE ONE BROUGHT UP RIGHT AWAY. -[DAVID] YOU HEAR THAT, FLULA?
NOBODY'S CUTTING ANY BEDS IN HALF TONIGHT.
OKAY, GO ON IN.
BREAKFAST IS READY, HOT COFFEE IS READY.
-ALL SET FOR YOU GUYS. -SOUNDS WONDERFUL.
HAVE A GREAT STAY.
AH, STOP AND LOOK AT ME, DAVID.
-IS THERE A PROBLEM? -I JUST REMEMBERED.
-I'M ALLERGIC TO COTS. -YOU'RE NOT COMING?
I THINK WE SHOULD KEEP ON HIKING, DAVID.
COME ON, THIS DIRECTION LOOKS LIKE A FUN PLACE.
WE'RE JUST NOW LEARNING HOW TO SURVIVE WOLF ATTACKS.
I JUST WANT A HOT SHOWER. YOU GET IT.
NO, NO, YOU DON'T--
THIS PLACE LOOKS DIRTY, HAS VERY LOW REVIEWS ON "YELP."
LET'S GO HERE AND HIKE AND HIKE AND HIKE.
I GOTTA GET SOME FOOD.
HI, FRANKIE.
OH, LOOK AT THAT FOG.
IT-- IT BADLY NEEDS TO BE RECORDED.
RIGHT AWAY.
I TEXTED YOU, BUT I NEVER HEARD BACK.
I WAS TRYING TO TELL YOU I'D BE HERE.
THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO TELL ME?
YEAH.
WHY?
NOTHING.
JUST I--
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING.
LISTEN, I'M-- I'M SORRY.
I WASN'T READY TO GET MARRIED.
I-- I JUST...
I WISH I HAD DONE IT A LOT EARLIER.
I COULD'VE SAVED BOTH OF US A LOT OF HEARTACHE.
BUT I'M GLAD YOU WENT ON THE HONEYMOON.
YOU LOOK DIFFERENT.
YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT, ACTUALLY,
BUT YOU LOOK HAPPY.
SO, HOW WAS HIKING WITH FLULA?
IT WAS INTERESTING.
HE IS A, UH...
[BLOWING]
HUMAN PUZZLE.
[FRANKIE] WHAT IS HE DOING?
[DAVID] HE'S A RECORDING A SONG.
AND IT'S EITHER GOING TO BE THE GREATEST GERMAN WORK SINCE WAGNER,
OR IT'S GOING TO SET ALL OF HUMANITY BACK 100 YEARS.
[LAUGHS]
[DAVID] IT'S BEEN QUITE A HONEYMOON.
HOW DID-- DID YOU HIKE HERE?
-NO, I DROVE. -ALL THE WAY?
-YEAH, TOOK 20 MINUTES. -WOW. YEAH.
WE SHOULDA DROVE.
WHAT'S IN THE NOTE?
OH, UM, THIS WAS FROM MY AGENT.
IT'S ABOUT THE "LEWIS AND CLARK" MOVIE.
REMEMBER THAT?
I'M NOT GONNA OPEN IT, THOUGH.
YOU KNOW, I THINK I'M GONNA START FOCUSING MORE
ON WHAT'S IN FRONT OF ME.
GOOD LUCK, DAVID AND FRANKIE.
[NO AUDIO]
HEY, FLULA.
-HEY. -HEY.
HEY, I JUST NOTICED YOU WERE TAKING OFF,
AND I JUST WANTED TO SAY THIS WAS FUN.
YEAH, I FIGURED YOU WANT TO,
YOU KNOW, FIGURE THINGS OUT WITH FRANKIE, SO.
YEAH, I'M GONNA STICK BACK WITH FRANKIE.
BUT, HEY, MAN, IT WAS A GREAT TRIP.
IT'S NOT FINISHED. I'M-- I'M GONNA FINISH IT.
SO...
-HEY. -YEAH.
SEE YOU.
DUDE.
YOU REALLY THINK I'M NOT GONNA FINISH THIS TRIP WITH YOU?
-WHAT'RE YOU, CRAZY? -DAVID.
I'M A LITTLE INSULTED.
LOOK, THE FRANKIE STUFF WILL FIGURE ITSELF LATER.
-YOU GOT ME. -WELL, I'M PRETTY GOOD.
NOW IT'S MY TURN. YOU KNOW THIS, RIGHT?
WELL, TRIP'S OVER. WE'RE EVEN.
-THAT'S IT. -OKAY, DAVID, NO PROBLEM.
-FINGERS CROSSED. -[DAVID EXHALES]
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO SAY
"FINGERS CROSSED" WHEN YOU LIE.
UNDERSTOOD, DAVID. FINGERS CROSSED.
HEY, DID YOU GET ENOUGH SOUNDS FOR YOUR SONG?
OH, YES, DAVID, IT'S GOING TO BE
THE GREATEST SONG OF ALL TIMES.
IT'S CALLED "HONEYBUDDIES FOREVER, SUPERMAN NEVER"
YOU KNOW, BECAUSE OF SUPERMAN'S BLATANT
HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATIONS, OF COURSE.
DO YOU ACTUALLY THINK THAT LOIS LANE AND SUPERMAN
WERE THE ONES WHO EXPLORED THIS AREA?
WHAT-- DOES HE-- WHAT I DON'T GET
IS WHY SUPERMAN AND LOIS HAD TO TAKE CANOES AT ALL.
-YOU KNOW? -UH...
[FLULA] COULDN'T SUPERMAN JUST CARRY LOIS IN HIS ARMS
AND FLY AROUND THESE BEAUTIFUL MOUNTAINS,
AND THEN TELL PRESIDENT TRAVESTON
AND LEX LUTHOR ABOUT IT WHEN HE GOT BACK?
SEEMS LOGICAL TO ME.
[DAVID] YOU ARE RAISING QUESTIONS THAT I PROMISE YOU
HISTORIANS HAVE NEVER ASKED.
[FLULA] THANK YOU.
ONE LAST QUESTION FOR YOU, DAVID.
DO YOU-- DO YOU SEE THAT WHITE FURRY, DOG-LIKE CREATURE
-RUNNING TOWARDS US? -[SNARLING]
IT'S 30 METERS. NO, IT'S 20 METERS.
IT'S LIKE TEN METERS AWAY... WAIT-- AH!
[DAVID] UH...
[MUSIC PLAYING]
HONEYBUDDY, YEAH!
YEAH! BOOM!
[GROWLS]
-HONEYBUDDIES. -[GROWLS]
-DO THAT AGAIN. -[TAPPING]
-NO, BACK, BACK. -WHAT?
BACK-- SHH! [TAPS]-- DO THAT AGAIN. [TAPS TO BEAT] NO.
-WHAT? -BACK, BACK.
-WHAT? -BACK-- SHH!-- DO THAT AGAIN.
-NO, BACK, BACK. -WHAT? WHAT?
-BACK-- SHH! DO THAT AGAIN. -[MUSIC PLAYING]
NO-- BACK, BACK. JUST GO FASTER.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
JUST GO FASTER.
YEAH!
-WHAT IS HAPPENING? -SHH!
[DAVID NARRATING TO MUSIC] "WE ARE NOW ABOUT TO PENETRATE
A COUNTRY
ON WHICH THE FOOT OF CIVILIZED MAN HAS NEVER TROD.
IT WAS ON THE SPOT WHERE I SAW A BEAUTIFUL WHITE WOLF
THE LARGEST WE HAD EVER SEEN.
BUT THIS BEAUTY SURELY ALLIES SOME UNKNOWN DANGER.
I AM NO COWARD, BUT I FEAR THAT ALL WILL NOT
MAKE IT ACROSS THIS CONTINENT."
JUST GO, JUST GO, JUST GO, JUST GO, JUST GO, JUST GO,
-JUST GO-- -[MAN] DANGER. DANGER.
-DANGER. DANGER. -[GROWLS]
DANGER. DANGER. DANGER. DANGER.
-[GROWLS] -DANGER. DANGER. DANGER.
DANGER. DANGER. DANGER. DANGER. DANGER--
-[GROWLS] -[MUSIC SKIPPING]
[DAVID, FLULA] HONEYBUDDIES, YEAH!
-TOGETHER: HONEYBUDDIES. -[GROWLS]